derrymacash has left the building

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: GUEST,Jock Stewart
Date: 15 Jan 03 - 11:15 AM

HUGH PAT : Jock Stewart! The boul' man! I don't often see you in this neck of the woods. What're you up to?

JOCK STEWART : Just out for a ramble and bit of a shot. D'you fancy a drink? They're on me!

HUGH PAT : How's life treatin' you anyway?

JOCK STEWART : Can't complain, Hugh Pat! Still got the land and the sarvints, so livin' like a lord! C'mon then d'you fancy a jar or what? My shout!

HUGH PAT : Where's the oul' dog? It's not often you'd see you without him!

JOCK STEWART : I shot him down in Kildare a few weeks back! D'you want thon drink I'm offerin' or what?

HUGH PAT : Aye, go on then! A bottle of porter and half-un of Black Bush.

JOCK STEWART : That's the man!   Drink away! (To barmaid) Hi, Phidelma! Two bottles of porter and two half-uns of Black Bush. And whatever you're having yourself!

PHIDELMA : Not at all. No, I'm alright, Jock.

JOCK STEWART : No, go on! Have whatever you like. Or keep it for later. Maybe a few wee quiet ones at the end of the night. You never know when I'll be back this road, sure!

PHIDELMA : Ach! Alright then. I'll have a double vodka and coke and a Smithwicks chaser!

BYSTANDER : God, he's very free and easy with buyin' the drink, eh?

NAWR BYSTANDER : He is, in sowl. No better man for the oul payin'!

BYSTANDER : Mind you ... you don't see a lot of him these days!

(Note the way in which the poster has not only grasped the essential concept of this particular bit of wordplay, but has embraced the ad nauseam ending. Sure isn't this great mind-expanding crack altogether!)

Subject: RE: derrymacash has left the building
From: GUEST,The Twangman
Date: 15 Jan 03 - 11:53 AM

HUGH PAT : Ah, the sound man! What's the crack?

ZOZIMUS : I've a great one for you, now! Houl' yer whisht for a minute till I tell ye! There's this fella, and when the milishey wasn't after him, he soul' the oul' twang?

HUGH PAT : Was he coortin'?

ZOZIMUS : He'd one on the go, right enough.

HUGH PAT : Was she good-lookin'?

ZOZIMUS : Canny enough, now!

HUGH PAT : Was she workin'?

ZOZIMUS : She was in sowl! She'd a traycle depot, this side o' the Carlisle Bridge.

HUGH PAT : A quare catch, then!

ZOZIMUS : Aye. And there;s the rub! Anawr one had his eye on her?

HUGH PAT : Anybody we know?

ZOZIMUS : Mickey Baggs!

HUGH PAT : Doesn't ring a bell with me.

ZOZIMUS : Commercial traveller, he called himself. But damn the bit! A hawker. Rags and bones was the height of his commerce!

HUGH PAT : A cute hoor, then!

ZOZIMUS : None cuter!

HUGH PAT : Did he trate her well, then?

ZOZIMUS : Give over, would ye? Out to Dollymount, the pair of them!

HUGH PAT : There's nothing like the seaside for getting' an oul' romance lit.

ZOZIMUS : And then singin'. "Billy In The Bowl" if you don't mind!

HUGH PAT : I don't mind at all. And I dare say she didn't mind either.

ZOZIMUS : It might as well have been John McCormack! Her oul' head was turned, so it was!

HUGH PAT : The Twang-man wouldn't have liked thon!

ZOZIMUS : Indeed not! You've said it plain, Hugh Pat! Jaysus! The temper on him!

HUGH PAT : I hope he didn't do anything rash!

ZOZIMUS : Rash? Man dear, quit your talkin'! He only lay in wait for the poor oul' Baggs up by St. James's Gate!

HUGH PAT : Away!

ZOZIMUS : True as God! And up comes Baggs, out comes yer man's twang-knife, end of story!

HUGH PAT : That's shocking!

ZOZIMUS : It is indeed!

HUGH PAT : They'll write a song about thon some day.

ZOZIMUS : With the help of God, they will so!