Campsite at Drumcree III

Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III
From: GUEST,The Irish News
Date: 08 Feb 02 - 06:05 AM

We reproduce below Kearns' speech from the dock.

My friends … I stand before you and before God, accused of what? Accused of labouring with might and main to produce the drum, nay THE DRUM!, that – more than any other emblem of our Irishness, denotes the quickness of our pulse and the rhythm in our feet, the burl and rattle of the wind against the byre door, the hammering of our hearts as we struggle in our currachs against raging seas to bring home the herrings for our wives and wee ones.

And they say, that this is a crime. That for the manufacture and the playing of this noble instrument, once beloved of Finn McCool, of Sweeney the Bard, of Cuchullain, of Brian Boru (a mighty drummer indeed, comparable only to Lupari in his intricacy and deftness of touch) and of The Wild Geese, Kearns must be censured by the state!

Well … I say this! You may ban the drum, but you cannot ban the rhythm.

Ladies and gentlemen. Consider well your verdict.

Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III
From: GUEST,Hot Press
Date: 08 Feb 02 - 06:26 AM

The proposed "deaccompanisation" of Irish Traditional Music has engendered a sudden and dramatic re-emergence of the Irish Music supergroups.

The Bothy Band, Oisin, Stockton's Wing and Sweeney's Men have all announced plans to re-form for a one-off series of concerts at a variety of venues throughout Ireland.

Planxty are rumoured to be on the verge of re-forming. However sources close to the band have confirmed that Andy Irvine is insisting that he be allowed to do at least half-a-dozen Eastern European numbers each show, while Christy is similarly insisting he be allowed to do three to four funny songs like Lisdoonvarna and Don't Forget Your Shovel. Meanwhile Donal Lunny and Liam Óg are rumoured to "hate each awr's guts". They will play together on stage, but provided they are positioned at opposite ends of the stage and Liam Óg has his back to Lunny.

Thankfully, rumours of a Touchstone and a Moving Hearts comeback tour have been scotched!

Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III
From: GUEST,Newsflash!!
Date: 08 Feb 02 - 08:06 AM

Ananova...

President Blair of the World has suddenly cut short his diplomatic tour of West Africa following intelligence briefings on the growing percussion menace in Ireland.

"This bodhran thing is getting out of hand..." said Blair "...and following urgent hotline discussions..I have the full backing of Deputy President Bush for a "first strike" policy on these dangerous instruments...".

President Putin was unavailable for comment following chaos within the Kremlin following an outbreak of cymbalum playing in former Soviet republics.

Blair went on to say "If these instruments of mass percussion should fall into the hands of fanatical and extremist musicianers, we may face the greatest musical crisis in the West since I played rock guitar at university". Continuing, Blair went on to say "I am personally working closely with the proper authorities north and south of the border to ensure that these instruments of percussion are put beyond use..."

Concluding, Blair said "Following the interception of The Tipper in West Cork and the discovery of Pakistani-made bodhrans on board, me and Shrubbie believe that Bin Laden may be somewhere behind all this..."

Meanwhile, the trial of Kearns continues back in Dublin with rumours of massive support from the Irish population for his now-acclaimed "rhythm" speech....

Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III
From: GUEST
Date: 08 Feb 02 - 08:22 AM

Speaking from his secret complex of caves deep in the heart of Inishowen, the area now known as Bodhrán Bodhrán, leader of the outlawed Continuity Bodhrán Liberation Army, Gino "Mad Dog" Lupari, issued the following statement today ...

"The fools. They think we have been silenced. But as long as there's hide on a goat, an Ireland robbed of the instrument that mirrors our manly pulse will never be at aise.

I have two thousand bodhránii under instruction in my percussion camps. The day will come when we will strike and Blair and his kind will feel the wrath of the bodhrán baters of the six counties, the twenty six counties, Cricklewood, Kilburn and Boston."

Blair The Merciless, Ruler Of The Known Universe was unavailable for comment. Aides confirmed that he embarked last night on a diplomatic mission to nearby Alpha Centauri.

Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III
From: GUEST,Colin Powell, US Secretary of State
Date: 08 Feb 02 - 08:41 AM

In a press conference this morning, Secretary of State Colin Powell declared Walton's in Dublin a terrorist organization, claiming the music shop was a front for Irish terrorist bodhran players with ties to bin Laden and the Al Qaeda network.

This is the latest development in the story from yesterday, when federal marshalls raided Irish theme pubs and gift shops across the US, to cut off the flow of funds to Irish traditional music terrorists, who have historically toured the US to raise funds for their terrorist network in Ireland. While there was some outcry in local areas, such as Patterson, NJ, where supporters of the Irish traditional music terrorist network claimed the funds raised went only to support drug and drink habits of loved ones back home, US Attorney General John Ashcroft said "the FBI and CIA have proof the fenian bastards and bastardettes have been operating in this country for well over a decade" and when questioned as to the nature of the evidence, Attorney General Ashcroft said "well, if the proof is good enough for the ghost of J Edgar, it's good enough for me and all good Americans."

Over 150,000 Celtic "gift" bodhrans were confiscated in the raids, authorities said.

Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III
From: GUEST,Malachy Kearns
Date: 08 Feb 02 - 09:08 AM

anyone for a few choc ices now...

Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III
From: GUEST,Darren Vaughan
Date: 08 Feb 02 - 09:09 AM

Good Evening this is the news read by Darren Vaughan, and I apologise for sounding like I have something stuck up my bum. In a raid today in the Town of Milltown Malby Gardai uncovered plans for a super bodhran that was being built on waste ground behind Mary Clancy's pub. The scaffolding had been erected and a herd of goats were taken away by officials in a horse box. Gardai spokesman Felim Toole said that the repercussions, if this thing had been built, could have been felt as far away as Portadown. Mr. Toole said that the shockwave could have levelled homes and businesses for miles around. Dissident bodhran makers Eamon Maguire and Paul Doyle were found at the scene and taken in to custody.

Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III
From: GUEST,The Irish News
Date: 08 Feb 02 - 09:12 AM

... but sources close to Mr Blair confirm that the policy of interning bodhránii and suspected bodhránii which has been operated North and South of the border, is expected to yield dividends in the course of the next few months. Over two hundred bodhrán players have been rounded up in Northern Ireland with up to 1,000 behind bars in the Republic.

Malachy Kearns are Gino Lupari at still at large.

Eamonn Holmes is still simply large ...

Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III
From: GUEST,The Wolfe Tones
Date: 08 Feb 02 - 09:14 AM


CHORUS
Amoured cars and tanks and guns
Took the bodhráns off our sons
Took their baters, turned them into
Men Behind The Wire

Through the little streets of Sligo
In the hours of early morn
Freestate soldiers came marauding
Wrecking little homes with scorn
"Where's your bodhrán, Cathy Jordan?"
"Give us thon oul' hoorin' drum!"
"Grab thon bater off her, Paddy,
Kick her up her wiggly bum!"

CHORUS

Not for them a judge or jury
Nor indeed a proper crime
Jus' because they bate a bodhrán
In a session lots of times
But roun' the world the truth will echo
Everywhere a drum is bate
Those who drum must drum for justice
Ensuring they escape our fate

CHORUS

Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III
From: GUEST,lonely goat herder
Date: 08 Feb 02 - 09:15 AM

ahhhh shite, bring me fecking goats back, or I'm forced to sing bad Sound of music songs....

yooodddellllll leeeeyy heyyyy hooooooooooooo...

mumbles, fecking shite, arse. Whats a fella to do without me wee goaty chums. Ah god luv us bring me ma goaties back...

Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III
From: GUEST,The Bouncers in Lavery's
Date: 08 Feb 02 - 09:15 AM

GO ON NOW FOLKS, TIME TO MOVE -

Campsite at Drumcree IV

Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III
From: GUEST,William Gilpin
Date: 11 Oct 06 - 07:10 PM

Can ya tell me where I can find the lyrics for the Boys of Gilpinstown...

Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III
From: GUEST,, Ghost of Campsites Past
Date: 11 Oct 06 - 08:48 PM

Wha' the feck?

Yer an eejit, refreshin' this!

Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III
From: GUEST,The ghost of McKittery
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 09:54 AM

NEVARR, NEVARR, NEVARR, has anyone got the music of this refrain by Ian Paisley, THE PRATASTANT PEEOPLE OF ULSTER SAY, NEVARR, NEVARR, NEVARR, sheer genius.

Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III
From: GUEST,Michael Flatulence
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 10:45 AM

Hi yall! is there any truth in the rumour that there is goin' ta be a dance here at the weekend. Sort of local 'Hop'? I know a few moves meself. I even been known to do a bit of 'high kickin' in me time.
Thing is, now am married the missus is always by myside. So apologies to ALL use females who were thinkin' of fillin' my card!