As an aside here's a parody: THE PORTREE KID
1. A man cam' riding oot the west one wild and stormy day
He was tall, quiet and hungry, his eyes were smoky grey
He was lean across the hurdies, but his shoulders they were big
The terror o' the hielan' glens that was the Portree Kid
Chorus:
He drum ho he drum hey
The teuchter that cam' frae Skye
2. His sidekick was an orra' man, and oh but he was mean
He was ca'ad the Midnight Ploughboy, and he cam' frae Aberdeen
He had twenty seven notches on his cromack so they say
And he killed a million Indians, way up in Stornoway
3. Portree booted in the door, he sauntered tae the bar
He poured a shot o' Crabbies, he shouted Slainte Mhath (Slangevar)
While Midnight was being chatted up by a bar room girl called Pam
Who said 'Well howdy stranger, wad' ye buy's a Babycham'
4. Now over in the corner sat three men frae Auchtertool
They were playing games for money, in a snakes and ladder school
The fourth man was a southerner who'd come up from Macmerry
He'd been a river gambler on the Ballachulish Ferry
Chorus
4. Portree walked tae the table and he shouted 'Shake me in'
He shoogled on the eggcup, he gave the dice a spin
He threw seven sixes in a row and the game was nearly done
But then he landed on a snake, and finished on square one
5. The game was nearly over and Portree was doing fine
He'd landed on a ladder; he was up to forty nine
He only had but one to go and the other man was beat
But the gambler cowped the board over, and shouted 'You're a cheat'
7. Men dived behind the rubber plants, to try and save their skins
The accordionist stopped playing, his sidekick dropped the spoons
He says 'I think its funny, you've been up that ladder twice
And ye ayeways dunt the table, when I go tae throw my dice'
Chorus
8. The gambler drew his Skian Dubh (Skeandoo), as fast as lightning speed
Portree grabbed a screwtop; he cracked him o'er the heid
Then he gave him laldy, wi' a salmon off the wall
And he finished off the business wi' his lucky grousefoot's claw
9. Portree walked up tae the bar, he says 'I'll hae a half
And d'ye like the way I stuck it on that wee Macmerry nyaff
But the southerner crept up behind, his features wracked wi' pain
And he gubbed him wi' an ashtray, made oot o' a curling stane
10. The fight went raging on all night till opening time next day
Wi' a break for soup and stovies aff a coronation tray
It was getting kind o' obvious that neither man would win
When came the shout that stopped it all 'There's a bus trip coming in'
Chorus
11. They sing this song in Galashiels and up by Peterheid
Way down o'er the border, across the Rio Tweed
About what became o Portree, Midnight and the Gambling Man
They opened up a gift shop selling fresh air in a can
Chorus
sj
