BS: New joke

Subject: BS: New jokes
From: belter
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 04:31 PM

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joke 1
        President Bush instructs the CIA to get him a private phone conversation with Osama bin Laden. This is not so easily done, but after a great deal of cloak and dagger work, Bush is speaking directly to Osama bin Laden.
        He asks bin Laden, If I paid you ten Billion dollars, would you agree to disband al kada.(Selling intentional) Bin Laden thinks it over for a long time, and then agrees. Bush says well how about a million bucks, would that be enough.
        Bin laden flies in to a rage, "I would sell out my brothers for a piddly million dollars." he says. "What sort of man do you think I am?"
        Bush says, "We've already answered that question. Now we're just haggling over the price."

Alternative joke
         Osama bin Laden calls up President Bush, and asks, "Would you pay me a million dollars to disband Al-Qaeda?" Bush readily agrees. Bin Laden says, "Well, how about ten billion Dollars?"
        Bush is incensed. He says, "Thats insane! I wouldn't pay you ten billion bucks. Do you think I'm foolish enough to give piles of money to a terrorist?"
        Bin Laden responds, "We've already determined the answer to that question. Now were just discussing how much."

Subject: RE: BS: New joke
From: jacqui.c
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 04:36 PM

From the (possible) original:-

Churchill: Madam, would you sleep with me for five million pounds?
Socialite: My goodness, Mr. Churchill... Well, I suppose... we would have to discuss terms, of course...
Churchill: Would you sleep with me for five pounds?
Socialite: Mr. Churchill, what kind of woman do you think I am?!
Churchill: Madam, we've already established that. Now we are haggling about the price.

(This is a very old joke where the participants vary dramatically from each telling. It's very unlikely though not impossible that the joke originated from Churchill)

Subject: RE: BS: New joke
From: GUEST,meself
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 04:41 PM

Jeesh, Belter, the original joke was far better - it involved a man negotiating the virtue of "respectable" woman ...

Would you sleep with me for a million dollars?

A million dollars? Well, I suppose I might for a million dollars ...

Okay, would you sleep with me for fifty dollars? Fifty dollars! What do you think I am?

Well, we've already established that, now we're just negotiating the price.


Now I'm not especially fond of Osama, but I hate to see a perfectly good old joke ruined on him. (Sorry!).

Subject: RE: BS: New joke
From: GUEST,meself
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 04:42 PM

... cross-posting ...

Subject: RE: BS: New joke
From: folk1e
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 04:43 PM

I believe this joke was first atributed to Oscar Wilde ....... God only knows what He would be propositioning a woman for!

Subject: RE: BS: New joke
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 04:52 PM

A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included

Admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian and French

Navies.



At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group

of officers that included personnel from most of the countries.



Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but

a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn

many languages, Americans learn only English.



He then asked "Why is it that we always have to speak English in these

conferences rather than speaking French?"



Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied "Maybe it's because

the Brits, Canadians, Aussies, Kiwis and Americans arranged it so you

wouldn't have to speak German."



You could have heard a pin drop.


Giok

Subject: RE: BS: New joke
From: jacqui.c
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 05:15 PM

Nice one Giok!

Subject: RE: BS: New joke
From: belter
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 05:40 PM

I know the original is better. I'm just taking cheep shots at bin laden & bush.

Subject: RE: BS: New joke
From: greg stephens
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 05:45 PM

I first heard this joke about George Bernard Shaw. It would be interesting to know how far back it can be traced.

Subject: RE: BS: New joke
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 06:08 PM

Winston Churchill was a great one for quick witted answers and when Lady Astor said to him "Mr Churchill, if you were my husband I would put poison in your drink"...he replied "Madam, if I were your husband, I'd drink it"!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: New joke
From: GUEST,meself
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 06:13 PM

"You could have heard a pin drop."

Yes, no doubt ... perhaps not for the reasons you think, though ...

Subject: RE: BS: New joke
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 07:12 PM

After the bomb has dropped, it gets pretty quiet, I'm told - never been there though...

Subject: RE: BS: New joke
From: skipy
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 07:24 PM

Giok, Spot on!
Skipy

Subject: RE: BS: New joke
From: mrdux
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 11:38 PM

my other favorite attributed to Sir Winston:

Elizabeth Braddock: "Sir, you are drunk."

Winston Churchill: "And you, madam, are ugly. But in the morning I shall be sober."

Subject: RE: BS: New joke
From: Flash Company
Date: 30 Mar 07 - 05:52 AM

Unfortunately, politicians don't do humour anymore. How many pages in a book called 'The Wit of Tony Blair', Or Gordon Brown, David Cameron or Menzies Campbell?

FC

Subject: RE: BS: New joke
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 30 Mar 07 - 05:54 AM

I have a couple of various books like that - all blank pages....

Subject: RE: BS: New joke
From: Wilfried Schaum
Date: 30 Mar 07 - 07:11 AM

Giok, that was one of the best I heard from the other side of the top! And the very best is: history proved it.

Subject: RE: BS: New joke
From: HuwG
Date: 30 Mar 07 - 07:43 AM

A story related by aviation writer Bill Gunston concerned the early days of the Europan Airbus passenger aircraft.

British engineers (then in Hawker Siddeley, before it was merged into BAe) had designed a wing which gave enhanced lift, reduced drag etc. At a huge meeting attended by all the contributors (several hundred apparently), they described the benefits of their design. At this point, someone from the German delegation stood up and began pontificating that, in his view, the Hawker wing would have too short a fatigue life in service.

The German spokesman was the great Dipl. Ing. Willi Messerschmidt himself. As he continued to pronounce his criticisms ex cathedra, steam could be seen rising from the British contingent. When he had finished, one of them stood up and said that he had heard that some of Herr Messerschmidt's designs had a service fatigue life of only 200 hours. This scarcely mattered. A Spitfire usually got them first.