BS: Nervous of aliens?

Subject: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: MBSLynne
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 05:22 AM

I thought I would share this with you:

Stop Abductions.com

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 05:39 AM

Funny how they never land in the middle of Oxford St (except on Dr Who) or invite us to probe them....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: The Walrus
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 06:11 AM

"...Funny how they never land in the middle of Oxford St..."

It's because they're embarassed - they misread their orders!

They were supposed to round the cattle into circles and mutilate the crops.

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: Jean(eanjay)
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 06:41 AM

Not very attractive is it?

Presumably we should all be wearing these! What about in bed?

I'll just take the risk.

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: MBSLynne
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 07:34 AM

My sister says she's always found tinfoil to work perfectly well, especially if you also hang wire coathangers from the ceiling. We know this works because she has never been abducted by aliens.

Thanks for blue clickying Liz

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: jacqui.c
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 07:35 AM

Do you think I could make a crochet version? Could be much more becoming.

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: Hawker
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 07:51 AM

I'd order one Jacqui, in green to match my beautiful shawl! then I would be TOTALLY protected!!!!!!!
Alternatively, I could always weave them in corn!
Cheers, Lcuy

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: jacqui.c
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 07:57 AM

LOL Lucy and Lynne.

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: MBSLynne
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 08:09 AM

Well I shall weave one with various magical herbs and wear it wherever I go......

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 08:15 AM

I'll stick with my personal invisibility shield, thank you!

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 09:19 AM

I am one of the Children (well, Grandchildren) of the Lens, so I don't need one. Ain't no thionite on THIS dude!

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 09:37 AM

The readings taken from a thought screen helmet reveal the voltage from inside the hat are at 128.4 AC/ Ohms. The meter demonstrates that the Thought Screen Helmet intercepts and scrambles signals from aliens. These signals occur after wearing the helmet for at least four weeks. If you don't get this type of signal then you are not being abducted by Aliens.

These are findings from studying signals with a meter:

Abduction victims are constantly monitored by aliens.
Aliens may be sending their victims telepathic messages for control at any time..
The aliens modulate their signals in an effort to penetrate thought screens.
Several abductees report that aliens give them a telepathic command to stop wearing the helmet when they have it off. This confirms the findings with the meter readings of signals received by the helmets. The only way to stop such alien telepathic commands is to wear the helmet as much as possible.

Well, see, that kinda proves it, doesn't it? Even discounting the electronic gibberish which is blatantly ignorant, there's a kind of elegance in the assertion that if you don't get the protection from aliens promised, then you aren't in need of protection in the first place.   But if you feel like not wearing the helmet, then you need it.

LOL!!!


A

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: Grimmy
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 09:42 AM

I look forward to being abducted 'cos I've always wanted a cage with my name on it.

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: Donuel
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 10:07 AM

Once a floating craft went directly over our heads with a deep electrical throbbing sound that could be felt in our bones. We did not move. We only looked at each other with an expression --> way beyond nervous.

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: Wolfgang
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 11:01 AM

The aliens have advanced technology that enables them to travel vast distances and to make movements in the sky defying the physical laws we have detected so far but are not able to override our simple electronic screens...

The world will never run out of suckers.

Wolfgang

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: frogprince
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 11:30 AM

But will one of these save us from malevolent fellow humans who hack satellites and cause us to blink and touch our faces a lot? That's what I'm really nervous about!

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: Bill D
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 11:35 AM

*grin*...you make a good point, Wolfgang...but it's hard to dispute that guy who hasn't been bothered by aliens since he tried one.

(Oh, those things also keep elephants away! I used to rely on snapping my fingers, but my thumb was getting calluses. Now I can just wear my helmet and ....hey...wait....do you suppose elephants ARE aliens!?)

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: John Hardly
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 11:58 AM

Big Mick told me that to avoid alien abduction he simply eschews showering. I didn't know that Mick used the word "eschews", but there you have it. I suspected the no showering thing.

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: Scoville
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 12:02 PM

What's impressive is that he doesn't shower and yet still uses the word "eschews". Completely turns the no-showering stereotype on its head.

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 12:25 PM

Too busy reading, not enough time for showering. It is possible to read in the bath, but not the shower, unless it's one of those bright, colourful plastic books, usually with a patchwork elephant or cheery ducky on the cover, and words of 2 syllables or less.

I have never been abducted by aliens, although I've had some pretty good conversations with radiators.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: GUEST,Blake Madison
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 12:53 PM

NOW you tell me!

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 12:57 PM

Liz:

The whole point of the site may well be that if you THINK you haven't ever been abducted by aliens, you might have been, and accordingly should wear a helmet so they can't maintain control of your thoughts. And if you think you HAVE been abducted, you probably already have your order in.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 01:05 PM

Ah, but I have knickers for that.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: Bill D
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 01:17 PM

from the site:

"The first thought screen helmets were made in 1998 and used aluminum foil. They were sent to an investigator in Iowa. The investigator reported that one user tried it for a short time with no results. Afterwards, the investigator could not be reached and the whereabouts of the helmets are unknown."

Iowa is notoriously bad that way. Those helmets are no doubt in the Davenport dump! The investigator is in cognito.

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 01:20 PM

Cognito is in Iowa?

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: John Hardly
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 01:28 PM

"Cognito is in Iowa?"

Proving once and for all that there really IS nothing halfway about the Iowa way to greet you (when they greet you, which they may not do at all)

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: Donuel
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 01:28 PM

gardener's tip.

for a quick and easy sun hat use the mylar that decorates otted plants from the store. Trim to fit shiny side out and add a draw string with duct tape.

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 01:28 PM

Just down the road from Disposed. He might be in Disposed. Or, he could have fled to Capacitated, the town that no-one understood.




A

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 01:34 PM

The instructions above to keep the helmet on at all times reminds me of the old story about the three explorers trekking through the savannas of the African subcontinent. In the last village they had passed through, an old gentleman had warned them to be wary of the Foo Bird. For those who have never heard this story, or never encountered such a bird, the Foo Bird attacks by bombing you on the head with its evil smelling excrement. What's worse is if you wipe the excrement off, you are said to die in minutes in terrible agony.

Well, the three explorers were much amused by this story and went merrily on their way. Alas, they soon heard the beating wings of a great bird diving toward them and sure enough, PLOP!, one of the explorers had his head covered in evil smelling Foo shit. Well, he lost little time in wiping it off and two the amazement and consternation of his two companions died in horrible agony in mere minutes. Well, after burying their late companion, the two remaining explorers resumed their trek across the savanna.

A little later they heard the beating wings of another diving Foo Bird and though they endeavored to avoid it, PLOP!, you guessed it, another explorer was struck dead center on the head with a load of evil smelling Foo Shit. He decided not to wipe it off but after a few more hours in the hot African sun he had to wipe it off and died in horrible agony in a few minutes.

There was now only one explorer left (if I've counted correctly) and he decided to pick up the pace, beginning to trot across the vast savanna. But he too soon heard another Foo Bird approaching and swerve as he might, PLOP!, his head was also covered with evil smelling Foo shit. But he was able to resist wiping it off, made his way back to England, retired to his estate, and lived to a "ripe" old age.

The moral to this story?

If the Foo shits, wear it!

And if you purchase the alien protection helmet, I would urge you to wear that at all times as well.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: Big Mick
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 02:10 PM

John Hardly (you evil little potter, you) you should check with me before publishing this stuff. Had you done so, I would have let you know that alien abduction (like certain viruses and penicillin) has developed a very dangerous resistance to not showering. I have had to increase the treatment to not showering, not brushing my teeth, and the way it is going, I will likely have to go to not washing underwear very soon. Science simply must take this much more seriously. Soon I will have to go to additives to protect meself.

Mick

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: katlaughing
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 02:53 PM

Eeewwwww!**bg**

If it would work to protect us from Homeland Security I'd get one in a heartbeat!

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: John Hardly
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 03:02 PM

Perhaps, Mick, you could do regular body scrapings and sell the results to others in need of an alien vaccine.

I would probably eschew it.

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: Bill D
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 03:28 PM

I eschew pollysyllabic obfuscations of redundant nomenclature.

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: MBSLynne
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 03:45 PM

Hmmm..you are overcome with the exuberance of your own verbosity

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 04:53 PM

Hah! I don't need no steenkin' thought control helmet! My brain's already protected from alien telepathy by a naturally occuring layer of confusion, incoherence, and metal chaos.

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 04:58 PM

"Mental!" That's mentalchaos!" he screams as his cursor inexorably and irretrievably depresses the SUBMIT botton.

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 05:00 PM

"Botton"? WTF's a "botton"?

Oh well, guess I just proved my own point, huh?

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: John Hardly
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 05:17 PM

Just like those young kids and their heavy mental music. Makes me wanna run over and push the "off" botton whenever I hear it.

HEY YOU, KID!!! GET OFFA MY LAWN!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: Bill D
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 05:38 PM

I often feel the need to 'botton down the hatches'.

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 06:01 PM

Naw...I'm not nervous of aliens. I'm nervous of Republicans!!! And Democrats!!! And Libertarians!!! (talk about your alien lifeforms...) ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: Becca72
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 06:57 PM

I don't think I've ever been abducted by aliens...so does that mean I need a helmet??? Do they come in any other colors?

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: Jeri
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 07:26 PM

They don't seem to want me either. I'm not upset, though. I really don't want the anal probe... at least not any more of one than what my doctor does.

I have to confess when I first saw the title, I thought it was a 'nervous of aliens' like a 'murder of crows' an 'exaltation of larks' or a 'herd of turtles'.

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 07:36 PM

Maybe your thoughts just aren't exciting enough to draw their interest... ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 09:58 PM

The aliens have advanced technology...

The high technology of the aliens does not mean that their technology necessarily must triumph over crude methods available for us.

I once observed a $200,000 stretch limo, complete with cruise control, satellite navigation, built in wet bar, TV, fancy stereo, and mini-hot tub, with armor plated sidewalls and bullet-proof windows, with a "super-cat" turbo diesel engine, defeated by a simple 6" curbing on which it was high-centered and completely immobilized.

Technology and advanced science mean nothing when one has "one wheel off the ground"¹ - if it's a drive wheel.

¹ may apply to either controller or controllee.

John

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: Grimmy
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 06:05 AM

I was abducted by aliens once.

There was an unfortunate 'incident' during the physical examination.

It is my painful duty to announce that we are now at war with Neptune.

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: MBSLynne
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 09:34 AM

Lol!

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: Bill D
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 01:16 PM

Neptune? Shucks, we can whip him. That trident is no match for an Abrams.

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 01:19 PM

Charley.. could have done with one of those hats today. Visited a Bird of Prey/animal park and every flaming creature I looked at immediately pooped. Not so bad when it was the goat, but the Vulture took some beating!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 05:16 PM

LTS-

Watch out for soaring eagles as well!

We've been watching them in their nests on the eagle cams, and when they eliminate it looks like the stuff is rocket propelled!

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Nervous of aliens?
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 11:45 PM

A recent article on advances in medical training:


Training docs to examine private parts offers -

Dr. Carla Pugh seems an unlikely patron of porn shops.
But that's exactly where Pugh, an assistant professor of surgery at Northwestern University's Feinberg School of Medicine, procured some of the male body parts she uses to train medical students about human anatomy.

Pugh, 41, has patented technology that combines portions of fully formed anatomical mannequins with computers to teach medical students to do exams on the body's most private and sensitive areas — genitalia, breasts and rectums.

These are the exams, she said, that students are often most afraid of and that many medical school instructors, themselves often long-time practicing physicians, still find to be a source of embarrassment.

"We've got big issues in the U.S. with sexuality," Pugh said in an interview during a break from teaching first-year medical students. "These guys have to be able to do it and act professional, so that adds a lot of pressure."
... ... ...

Scatological humor is inevitable. An instructor assures a student that, yes, you can tell a patient it's OK to pass wind if necessary during the exam and ask for a warning first.

In the interests of intergallactic diplomacy, a warning would be appropriate, even if the aliens don't provide instructions at the start of the exam.

John