BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!

Subject: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 19 Apr 07 - 09:17 PM

And boy, am I sick of people who make that assumption! What a ridiculous idea! Monkeys are flea-brained, scatty, and inclined to be hysterical. They're ugly too. Anyone who thinks I got any monkey genes is out to lunch. Monkeys got tails. Do you see a tail on me? NO! I ain't no monkey! Get it straight. Babboons are monkeys. Rhesus are monkeys. Capuchins are monkeys. I am a chimpanzee. If it was Darwin who started this BS about us bein' descended from monkeys then I would like to go back in a time machine and bust his chops. What a jerk! Just ask Tarzan. I ain't no monkey and there ain't none in my family either. I am 100% ape. God's finest creation.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Apr 07 - 09:21 PM

"God's finest creation."

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Heard all that before. Chimps are just banana-sucking fungoid growths on the primate family tree.

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: John O'L
Date: 19 Apr 07 - 09:30 PM

"God's finest creation"

Someone throw a bit of crap at him.

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 20 Apr 07 - 03:24 AM

What about your nephews, the Rhesus Boys?
G.

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Slag
Date: 20 Apr 07 - 03:28 AM

Oh, when I first saw this thread title my initial impulse was to put a call in to Chongo! Hey, two great minds but with one thought. Me and Chongo. We got chimpestry!

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 20 Apr 07 - 04:01 AM

My ancestors were T-Rex
Quack!
GtD.

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Stu
Date: 20 Apr 07 - 04:08 AM

Too right Chongo - you tell 'em. Us apes are the civilised side of the family. Personally I won't have anything to do with those long-armed, swinging, whooping gibbons, let alone little hairy monkeys.

Anyone got a light for my banana?


Stigweard the Simian

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: nickp
Date: 20 Apr 07 - 04:14 AM

Yeah, apes... ook ook!

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 20 Apr 07 - 04:25 AM

Got news for you Chongo baboons are apes too, no tails see, and note the correct spelling.

eric

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 20 Apr 07 - 06:11 AM

I read it ...

Also note the following couple of posts.

John

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Schantieman
Date: 20 Apr 07 - 07:24 AM

Well, actually, the ancestors of most modern animals species are not other modern animal species, but extinct species which were replaced by others. In many cases one species produced several offshoots which underwent speciation, in othres, only one.

Sorry if this spoils a good argument ;-)


Steve

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 20 Apr 07 - 08:30 AM

There you go again, Schantieman, confusing the issue with irrelevant truths.

LOL
Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Apr 07 - 09:40 AM

Chimps are only fit to show in zoos or on television as the companions to human comedians.

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: MMario
Date: 20 Apr 07 - 09:52 AM

baboons are old world monkeys -

the apes include Gibbons & Siamangs;Orangutans;Gorillas and chimps.
and humans

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Stu
Date: 20 Apr 07 - 11:15 AM

A glance at the classification of monkeys shows clearly how they are seperated from humans:

Kingdom:        Animalia

Phylum:        Chordata

Class:        Mammalia

Order:        Primates

Family:        Americanuspoliticae

Subfamily:         Neoconservitae

Genus:        Republicani

Species:        George W. Bush

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 20 Apr 07 - 12:38 PM

Here we come
    Walking down the street
    We get the funniest looks from
    Everyone we meet.

    Hey, hey we're the Monkees,
    and people say we monkey around.
    But we're too busy singing,
    to put anybody down.

    We go wherever we want to,
    Do what we like to do.
    We don't have time to get restless,
    There's always something new.

    Hey, hey we're the Monkees,
    and people say we monkey around.
    But we're too busy singing,
    to put anybody down.

    We're just trying to be friendly,
    Come watch us sing and play.
    We're the young generation,
    And we got something to say.

    Hey, hey we're the Monkees,
    You never know where we'll be found.
    So you'd better get ready,
    We may be comin to your town.

    Hey, hey we're the Monkees,
    and people say we monkey around.
    But we're too busy singing,
    to put anybody down.

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 20 Apr 07 - 12:42 PM

Hey, Eric the Red, you are just a fountain of disinformation, ain't you? So Baboons got no tails, huh? Yeah, sure...tell me another one, ya sap.

Baboon

I have had a lotta dealings with Baboons. They are ugly bastards, probably the ugliest primate there is. They got a mean set of teeth. But they do make good sneak thiefs, safe crackers, and hustlers, that's for damn sure. They don't lack a certain amount of talent. I will freely admit that.

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: dwditty
Date: 20 Apr 07 - 12:44 PM

So your last name is not Dolenz, Jones, Tork, or Nesbitt, then.

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: MMario
Date: 20 Apr 07 - 12:51 PM

I would think the possibility of "Clayton" or "Greystoke" would be higher.

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: GUEST,Chonga
Date: 20 Apr 07 - 01:00 PM

from the family album?

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Amos
Date: 20 Apr 07 - 01:04 PM

Chongo's got a girlfriend!



A

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Apr 07 - 01:04 PM

What a lovely picture!

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: GUEST,Chonga
Date: 20 Apr 07 - 01:31 PM

girlfriend? - I'll give him "girlfriend"!

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: GUEST,Monkey of Shallott
Date: 20 Apr 07 - 02:11 PM

I'll give his girlfriend one....

Is there any connection between human females painting their cheeks, lips and eyelids and the colorful arse of a Baboon?

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: MMario
Date: 20 Apr 07 - 02:14 PM

one is natural - the other is artificial; one is instinctive and biological; the other is artificial

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Bill D
Date: 20 Apr 07 - 02:21 PM

human females seldom paint their ischial callosity

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 20 Apr 07 - 02:38 PM

Lots of possibilities when bringing Bonobos into the thread, but I think I'll send this one just because you're all no doubt expecting something else. :)

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Bill D
Date: 20 Apr 07 - 02:52 PM

LOLOL..SRS...I have video from 23 years ago of me doing exactly that game with my son! He loved it!

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 20 Apr 07 - 03:15 PM

Yer right Chongo.

Monkeys are not your ancestors, they are, in fact, your cousins.

Have a nice day.
Don T (LOLOL)

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Apr 07 - 03:27 PM

No, they weren't. Your ancestors, like mine, were tiny rat-like creatures.

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 20 Apr 07 - 04:17 PM

"Your ancestors, like mine, were tiny rat-like creatures."

So are many of my acquaintances.

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: GUEST,Canadienne
Date: 20 Apr 07 - 04:27 PM

KB - you've just gotta stop hanging out in the 85 billion thread :)

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 20 Apr 07 - 04:45 PM

I can't help it, I'm obsessed. East is east and west is west but I'm really looking forward to when the Shane's shall meet.

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: GUEST,Big Ape Louis
Date: 20 Apr 07 - 08:36 PM

Yer right, Chongo Chump. Yer ancestors weren't monkeys. Yer ancestors were little pieces of crap clinging to the rear hairs of monkeys. The Boss says so and The Boss is always right.

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: frogprince
Date: 20 Apr 07 - 09:43 PM

I opened this thread fully expecting it to be started by a staunch "Bible Believing" Christian. : )

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Bill D
Date: 20 Apr 07 - 09:58 PM

Oh, frogprince, it might have been! listen to this song by Uncle Dave Macon.

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Nickhere
Date: 20 Apr 07 - 10:35 PM

And then there's Dave Bartholemew's (Fats Domino's manager and a musician in his own right) song -

THE MONKEY

Yeahhh! The monkey speaks his mind!

Now, three monkeys sat in a coconut tree
Discussing things as they are said to be
Said one to the other "Now listen you two –
There's a certain rumour that can't be true
That man descended from our noble race?
The very idea is a big disgrace!
No monkey ever deserted his wife,
Starve her baby and ruined her life!
Yeahhh! The monkey speaks his mind.

And you never known a mother-monk
To leave the babies with others to bunk
Or pass them on from one to another
Till they scarcely knew who was their mother
Yeahhh! The monkey speaks his mind.

And another thing you will never see
A monkey build a fence around a coconut tree
And let all the coconuts go to waste
Forbidden all other monkeys to come and taste
Why, if I put a fence around this tree
Starvation would force you to steal from me!
Yeahhh! The monkey speaks his mind.

Here's another thing a monkey won't do
Go out at night and get on a still
Or use a gun or club or knife
To take another's monkey's life
Yes, man descended, the worthless bum
But brothers, from us, he did not come
Yeahhh! The monkey speaks his mind.

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: frogprince
Date: 20 Apr 07 - 10:43 PM

There's a poem in the same vein that I've heard a couple of times, which ends,
"Yes, man descended, the ornery cuss;
but brother, he didn't descend from us".

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Apr 07 - 01:06 AM

Bill D, my kids always loved that move also. What better reason to assume a close relation between those wonderful creatures and ourselves? They enjoy entertaining their babies. :)

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Rowan
Date: 21 Apr 07 - 01:18 AM

Has anyone here ever seen human females painting ... the colorful arse of a Baboon?

The mind boggles.

Cheers, Rowan

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Gurney
Date: 21 Apr 07 - 03:41 AM

Beat me to it, Rowan. I was researching all the human females I met to find out if any of them had painted a baboon's arse, and they said they hadn't.

They said some other things as well.

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 21 Apr 07 - 06:42 AM

S**t Gurney!

Coffee all over the desk again. Thank God it just missed the keyboard.

Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Stringsinger
Date: 21 Apr 07 - 12:15 PM

Every human's ancestor was a single-celled amoeba floating in a sea of slime.

Frank Hamilton

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Apr 07 - 01:38 PM

Unless we were seeded here or came here from somewhere else. Such as Mars, for one possibility. If so, it would have been a rather long time ago...prior to our current recorded history.

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Apr 07 - 04:37 PM

LH, you fell asleep in the barcalounger with the Star Trek TV festival playing again, didn't you?

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 21 Apr 07 - 05:15 PM

I painted a baboon once.... then I did a zebra and a gecko.

Although I know someone who has obviously used the male Mandrill as their role model for applying facial makeup. One can never have too much blue eye shadow!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Apr 07 - 05:34 PM

I'm not saying I believe it, Stilly....but I'm not saying it could not have happened either. And if it did...and if it was hundreds of thousands of years ago and some major earth-changes occured since then, who do you think would know any differently now?

No one, that's who.

Human life may be more widely spread through the Universe than people imagine. I regard their insular approach to this planet as being just like the insular approach of some people on a tiny island...their theory being, "Well, this is the only island where human beings ever existed and ever have." Yeah....uh-huh. A typical assumption of the insular-minded.

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 07 - 09:20 PM

Life on Earth evolved from the litter and garbage left by an intergalactic Spring Break beer bust.

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Apr 07 - 09:23 PM

Yeah... ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Bill D
Date: 21 Apr 07 - 09:57 PM

Life as WE know it probably sprang from the widespread use of an alien form of Budweiser!

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 21 Apr 07 - 11:09 PM

Life arose on this planet so early in its formation that I am fairly sure it would happen on any planet, for a while. We got lucky with our water, and our tides - it's stayed around for a few billion years so far.

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Apr 07 - 11:53 PM

I also figure it happens on a great many planets, like you say, "for awhile". There could be some pretty interesting stuff out there if we had a more practical way of traveling great distances in space. I would figure Mars for a likely candidate of having once (not too long ago in planetary terms) supported a good deal of life, but probably not much now...if any. It seems to have lost a great deal of its surface water and its atmosphere.

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Mr Happy
Date: 22 Apr 07 - 11:01 AM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FjKMhtyI3L8

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Bill D
Date: 22 Apr 07 - 11:24 AM

oh, right...I see my education has been sadly lacking. I had so far missed "Ali G" exploring the universe by interviewing famous persons in a 'special' way. Why, he even gets Noam Chomfsky to explaining language by asking such insightful questions as "How many words we got?" "What are some of them?"

   I have just one thought...why do they give this person air time, and why not give joHn from Hull a program?

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Bill D
Date: 22 Apr 07 - 11:30 AM

I get it..."Ali G" is Borat is Sacha Baron Cohen....and they are all beyond my sadly limited sense of humor.

Ah, well...it's a big, wide world and de gustibus non disputandum

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Apr 07 - 01:55 PM

LOL! Boy, what a weirdo that guy is.

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 07 - 06:41 PM

I think he's been in my library a couple times, trying to figure out what the marks on the paper and computer screen were.

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Apr 07 - 08:44 AM

He's obviously the man to ask if you have any unanswered questions.

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Apr 07 - 08:47 AM

Probably a close relative of Chongo.

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Apr 07 - 09:19 AM

That's a gross insult to Chongo. Chongo is almost incomparably better informed and more coherent in every way than "Ali 'G'". More likable too.

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Apr 07 - 05:31 PM

And if Chongo ever met Ali "G" (Sacha Byron Cohen), I believe he would probably punch him out within about the first two minutes of their acquaintance. Right after the poop-throwing and the simian sex jokes....

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Apr 07 - 10:03 PM

Yeah, yeah. Chongo doesn't care enough to follow this thread, much less feel insulted by anything in it.

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Apr 07 - 10:56 PM

He's out on a case. He's busy. You gotta earn money if you wanna buy mangos and pay the rent.

Subject: RE: BS: My ancestors weren't monkeys!!!
From: Ernest
Date: 24 Apr 07 - 02:36 AM

OK, Chongo: but are your kids monkeys?