Multiple-Choice Song Challenge(you pick)

Subject: Multiple-Choice Song Challenge(you pick)
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 28 Apr 07 - 12:07 PM

A series of good possibilities here. I'll be interested to see what everyone can make of them.

----

1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he
lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance
package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
Police in Oakland , CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a
gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten
tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing
beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give
yourself up."

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and
forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines,
wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank
accounts.

4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the
money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he
tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three
hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

5. DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just
couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked
each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money
or I'll shoot", the man shouted, "that's not what I said!".

6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING???
A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and
her contractions are only two minutes apart". "Is this her first
child?" the doctor asked "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"

7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!
In Modesto , CA , Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to
hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon King used a thumb
and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep
his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)!

8. THE GRAND FINALE!!!
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an
hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were
having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get
their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in
almost every maneuever, no matter how much power they applied.
After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a
nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what
was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in
perfect working condition The engine ran fine, the out-drive went
up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch
So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check
underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: Multiple-Choice Song Challenge(you pick)
From: leeneia
Date: 28 Apr 07 - 12:24 PM

Amazing, DaveO, simply amazing. Thanks for posting.

Subject: RE: Multiple-Choice Song Challenge(you pick)
From: skipy
Date: 28 Apr 07 - 12:27 PM

Brilliant!
Skipy

Subject: RE: Multiple-Choice Song Challenge(you pick)
From: harpmolly
Date: 28 Apr 07 - 01:00 PM

Truly an embarrassment of riches ;)

M

Subject: RE: Multiple-Choice Song Challenge(you pick)
From: Leadfingers
Date: 28 Apr 07 - 01:13 PM

I recall a Bank robbery (In Dublin , I Think ) The game plan was to jump the first member of staff as they unlocked the door , then overpower and tie up each member of staff on arrival With ten staff still to arrive , one of them arrived and found Twenty people tied up and NO Robbers ! They had run out of rope , and abandoned the plan !

Subject: RE: Multiple-Choice Song Challenge(you pick)
From: GUEST,Nancy King at work
Date: 28 Apr 07 - 04:23 PM

Most of these sound like candidates for the Darwin Awards...!

Subject: RE: Multiple-Choice Song Challenge(you pick)
From: Flash Company
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 11:05 AM

Because someone has to make a start:-

Come all you outboard motor-men and list unto me song,
'Tis of a family outing, and how it did go wrong,
We set forth on Lake Isabell', the waters clear and calm,
Our boat, alas, it would not move, which filled us with alarm!

The motor roared and revved away, we stayed right on the spot,
We should sped across the lake, but sadly we did not.
We swung the tiller left and right, or p'raps starboard and port,
We really aren't sure which it was, we are not the saillng sort!

we tried and tried to move the thing, our efforts were in vain,
Until at last a scuba man came over to explain,
He said 'There's something you should know, if you want to be a sailor,
Before the bloody boat will move, you take it off the trailer.

To be sung freely but turgidly in the manner of Rambling Sid Rumpo. UK cats will know what I mean.

Flash Company (aka Brian Quinn)

Subject: RE: Multiple-Choice Song Challenge(you pick)
From: Tootler
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 06:29 PM

Money on the plate
Money on the plate
Stick 'em up
Stick 'em up
Or I'll shoot you wi' me finger!

Subject: RE: Multiple-Choice Song Challenge(you pick)
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 01:43 PM

Flash Company, a NOBLE entry!

Someone else?

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: Multiple-Choice Song Challenge(you pick)
From: Flash Company
Date: 01 May 07 - 05:45 AM

Well I'm feeling broke,
An' it aint no joke,
So I think I'll go and rob a bank,
Can't afford a gun,
And that aint fun,
But hell, I'm an enterprising Yank,
I'll go into the bank with my hand in my pocket,
Yelling 'Here's a bag, With money you can stock it!'
If they don't obey me, d'ya know what I'll do
Shoot 'em with my loaded
FINGER!

It was going like a dream,
The cashier began to scream,
And the customers were lying on the floor,
And the manager was trembling ,
As the cash he was assembling,
An' I thought 'I've made it now for sure!'
Then someone pressed a button and a bell began to clamour,
My pulse began to race and my heart began to hammer,
Pulled my hand from my pocket and what d'ya think they saw,
I'd only got a loaded
FINGER!

Cops came up with their sirens wailing
My whole enterprise was failng,
SWAT squad came with their guns and tasers,
I turned around and ran like blazes

But this great big copper,
Brought me down a cropper,
And another one sat upon my head,
Hauled me off down town,
Where they sat me down,
And they soon had me wishing I was dead,
The DA said 'I'm charging you with robbery one,
That's five to ten in the hoosegow, son,
For aggravated hold-up without a gun,
And possession of a loaded,
FINGER!!

Flash Company(aka Brian Quinn)

The tune is an instrumental piece called 'Yackety Sax' which was used as the end titles play out music on UK television for 'The Benny Hill Show', which I believe has a following in the US.
It was recorded with some lyrics by Mark Knopfler and Chet Atkins as 'Yackety Axe'
FC