BS: Things you should only do once...

Subject: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 02 May 07 - 05:23 AM

Ever had one of those days when you think maybe this wasn't such a good idea?

Things you should only do once.

Agree to make 5 costumes for a school play when there are only 5 days before the performance.

Sew black zips into black fabric with black thread when it's late and you're tired.

Sneeze with a mouth full of pins or tacks.

Agree to sing at a wedding in a posh venue and realise you have nothing suitable to wear that isn't black or rainbow striped.

Waste time on the Mudcat when you should be unpicking and restitching all last night's mistakes!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 02 May 07 - 05:25 AM

Giving your tits a treat...the rest of the time you would surely want to do it yourself.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: skipy
Date: 02 May 07 - 05:31 AM

Eh!
Skipy

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 02 May 07 - 05:38 AM

I like to treat my tits. They repay me by behaving in an amusing manner, hanging upside down and singing cheery little trills in the mornings. They've gone off me since I put somthing different than sunflower seeds in the feeder, so that's something else I'm only going to do once!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 02 May 07 - 07:40 AM

You see Liz dear.....your tits are still very prominent! Part of Mudcat folklore so to speak.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 02 May 07 - 07:41 AM

I can sympathize with the sewing ordeal.

When my sister planned her wedding, her bridesmaids all agreed to make their gowns, so she bought patterns and materials for each of them about three months before the date. Four days before the wedding, three of them admitted the "didn't get around to it," so my mother, sister, and I made them in a very frantic "one night stand" (with only approximate fitting dimensions of course).

(As we had only mom's foot-treadle straight stitch Singer sewing machine, I got to do lots of hand stitching on "detail stuff.")

The next day, my sister informed us that she had forgotten about the "flowers" so I got to make her 300 "Kleenex carnations" while the rest of the tribe was at rehearsals and such.

The wedding was lovely. The groom eventually was sort of a dud, but I guess you can't make everything perfect on such short notice.

John

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: John Hardly
Date: 02 May 07 - 07:43 AM

Wave good-bye from a helicopter.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: GUEST,Elfcall
Date: 02 May 07 - 08:07 AM

The thought of you sneezing with a mouthful of tacks and needles has had me smiling away to myself - hope there was nothing living in front of you when you did it.

Elfcall

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: Sorcha
Date: 02 May 07 - 08:46 AM

Break your elbow. Mind you, I don't need to do it now, he's done it for me.

Have your entire lower back seize up/spasm.

Spray paint the concrete foundation near the new car.

Drop a $25.00 pizza on the bosses feet.

Ship violin bows in a carpet tube. Use PVC instead.

Crash your motorcycle. (Son did that one for me)

Use Feria brand hair colouring.

Bury your parents.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: GUEST,CrazyEddie
Date: 02 May 07 - 09:18 AM

"Bury your parents."

I'd worry if I had to do that more than once. (Unless my family name was Dracula).

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: Seaking
Date: 02 May 07 - 09:27 AM

Move house. Think I remember saying 'never again' last time.

As for sewing, not even once.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 02 May 07 - 09:36 AM

Elfcall, there was something in the way... when I sneeze, I habitually turn my head into my right shoulder.


Ouch.


Ouch ouch ouch.



Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch.


Bless me.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 02 May 07 - 10:02 AM

"Bury your parents."

I waited...

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: GUEST
Date: 02 May 07 - 12:31 PM

Jump out of a plane with a rucksack instead of a parachute!

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: Bill D
Date: 02 May 07 - 01:02 PM

Brush your teeth using a tube of Bryllcreem (which looks VERY like Pepsodent).

Mistake a clove of garlic for a bud of garlic. (an hour with tweezers can undo the worst of that one).

Carelessly unroll your sleeping bag over an ant's nest.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: Midchuck
Date: 02 May 07 - 01:02 PM

Rape a young ape in a tree...

P.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: beardedbruce
Date: 02 May 07 - 01:10 PM

Is this thread of things one SHOULD do, but only once, or for things one should NOT do, but might do one time before one learns better?


Several of the answers here seem to be of the latter.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 02 May 07 - 01:14 PM

The latter.

I would also include cleaning teeth with 'Deep Heat' muscle rub - the tube looked very similar to my toothpaste when I was 4 and couldn't read. It's given me a lifelong allergy to any muscle rub - one sniff has me feeling queasy. Having to apply it to another bodypart or person, will make me heave in a spectacular fashion.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 May 07 - 01:37 PM

Parachute jump out of a perfectly good, flying, airplane.

Be shot at with hostile intent.

Come to think of it, I don't recommend doing either of these even once....

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: beardedbruce
Date: 02 May 07 - 01:39 PM

if the latter,


Anything that qualifies one for a Darwin award.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: Fibula Mattock
Date: 02 May 07 - 02:10 PM

Drive to mongolia in a Nissan Micra
http://feckinirishrovers.googlepages.com/

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: Severn
Date: 02 May 07 - 03:52 PM

Iterate

Gurgitate

Be dundant

fuse my offer

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: RangerSteve
Date: 02 May 07 - 04:02 PM

Sit on a yellow jackets nest. No, wait, that's not something you should do only once. You shouldn't do it at all. Take my word for it.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: GUEST,ib48
Date: 02 May 07 - 04:08 PM

Sing at Ryhope workingmens,they dont like guitars.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: Deckman
Date: 02 May 07 - 04:18 PM

"Things you should only do ONCE!" ... a lady named Martha. Bob

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: Micca
Date: 02 May 07 - 05:00 PM

Drink 7 halfs of Scrumpy with 7 vodka chasers (Milk of Amnesia)

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 02 May 07 - 06:48 PM

One should try everything once, with the possible exception of incest and folk dancing...

But I'm willing to forego the Scrumpy/Vodka chasers... I like my liver too much.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: GUEST,Minerva
Date: 03 May 07 - 09:13 AM

Buy the "No 12" at the craps table.

Although it is far and away the bet most likely to win a one-shot bet in a casino (pays 1 1/2 - to 1), the odds are still against you in the long run, so the more you bet it, the more likely you are to lose it all. If you bet it into the theoretical "long run", you are guaranteed to lose it all.

Somehow I find this philosophically satisfying, as an allegory for so much of life.

It was after Einstein stated emphatically that "God does not roll dice," and was later proven wrong, that it became obvious that nearly the entire universe is ruled by statistics - ranging from where an electron is likely to be in its orbit, to which radioactive nucleus will decay next, to which planets might be capable of supporting life, to which cells will split to make a new critter, to which soldier catches the artillery shell while his buddy doesn't.

Remember the person who was sitting at the computer one morning when a voice came out of nowhere, "Quit jour job, sell all you own, take the cash, go to Vegas." Person thinks nothing of it. Later the voice comes back, "Quit jour job, sell all you own, take the cash, go to Vegas." This goes on periodically for days, "Quit jour job, sell all you own, take the cash, go to Vegas," and the person thinks there may be something to this Voice. After a week, person breaks down, quits the job, sells everything, including the house, goes to Vegas. Voice says, "Go to the Horseshoe Casino." Person goes to the Horseshoe. Voice says, "Bet it all on the "No 12". Person puts the suitcase full of hundreds on the felt, dealer says, "Money plays," Pit Boss says, "Go ahead". Shooter rolls the dice. Twelve. Voice says, "Fuck."

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: open mike
Date: 03 May 07 - 03:39 PM

The Darwin Awards are filled with once-in-a-lifetime events or last-in-a-lifetime

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 May 07 - 03:45 PM

"Things you should only do once..."


That would be: Post on this forum your actual real opinion about anything you truly and deeply care about.

And maybe not even once.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 03 May 07 - 07:08 PM

Marry. If once.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 May 07 - 08:45 PM

Hmm. Well, I think for some people that more than one marriage can work fine. It went that way for Buffy Sainte-Marie, for example. She does not appear to regret any of her marriages, going by interviews I've heard...and she's had at least three of them (marriages, that is). She had good things to say about each of them.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: Joe_F
Date: 03 May 07 - 09:13 PM

Be born.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: GUEST,Dani
Date: 03 May 07 - 10:11 PM

I also say 'marry'.

And, drive a truck like hell over a mountain with the emergency brake on.

And, throw your life savings into a business that depends upon a partner.

Dani

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: mrdux
Date: 03 May 07 - 11:50 PM

Backpack fifty miles across the Olympic Peninsula with a psychotic girlfriend.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: katlaughing
Date: 04 May 07 - 12:22 AM

Fall in a red ant pile in a skimpy summer suit when only 3 or 4 years old. They bite!!

Mistake sunscreen oil for baby oil when applying to his tender parts!

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: kendall
Date: 04 May 07 - 07:21 AM

Get pissed off at the plumber who suddenly decides he doesn't want to do the job he agreed to, then tackle it yourself with no experience at all.

It gives "KENDALL, Cellar"! a whole new meaning. I've spent most of the last two days down there.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: GUEST,Carl
Date: 04 May 07 - 09:49 PM

Try to stop a fan with your finger (did it as a child)

Use a poison ivy leaf as toilet paper during a forest outing.

Run through a fire wearing gasoline underwear:)

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: GUEST,Carl
Date: 04 May 07 - 09:52 PM

When your wife asks if the dress she is wearing looks nice say, "yes it does, but I am not wearing my glasses".

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 04 May 07 - 10:51 PM

Refer to a chimpanzee as a "monkey".

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: Thomas the Rhymer
Date: 04 May 07 - 11:17 PM

Total the Austin Healy you've been restoring for 6 months on a straight four lane road on the way to work... when you are the only car on the road at 4:45 AM... completely sober and awake, and driving below the 40 MPH speed limit... on a crowned roadway covered from guardrail to guardrail with a continuous sheet of black ice 50 meters long...
glancing off said guardrails on both sides of the street twice... with an ex pro baseball pitcher sitting next to you shouting "WHAT THE F**K ARE YOU DOING!" over and over... and after finally managing to get the door to open after much clamouring and banging about with it, getting out of the hulk without a scratch... standing up, and immediately falling down because it is so slick... and spraining your wrist.

And then going right to work as a delivery driver with a tight schedual... and lots of freight.
ttr

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: Severn
Date: 05 May 07 - 07:36 AM

Almost choke to death in church on a styrofoam communion wafer, 'cause they're not going to give you more than the one thimble of wine or spare any Holy Water. I had a sore throat from the flu at the time and went to the service anyway, and luckily, I died from neither the wafer nor embarassment, but I felt like I came close. And I'm sure God was rolling on His heavenly cloud floor nearly pissing himself with laughter. Nearly, I say because as old as He is, I'm sure he maintains some degree of control.

Well, Okay..........So maybe He just chuckled. It didn't seem funny to me at the time, though.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: Thomas the Rhymer
Date: 05 May 07 - 09:01 AM

Severn... God doesn't laugh at slapstick... that is Man's domain... much to God's chagrin...;^)

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: Rog Peek
Date: 05 May 07 - 10:26 AM

I've not read all, so apologies if this is a repeat.


Chase a Gloucester cheese down Cooper's Hill on Whit Monday!

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: JennyO
Date: 05 May 07 - 11:58 AM

Put up a new tent in the dark

Weed the garden in the middle of a green ants' nest

Test an electrified fence to see if it's turned on

Try to take a flying leap across a cattle grid (I tried this as a child, imagining that if I went across fast enough, my feet wouldn't get caught in it - I was wrong and still have the scar on the back of my heel to prove it)

Try to take off and fly from a rotary clothesline (another unsuccessful childhood fancy)

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: gnu
Date: 05 May 07 - 12:26 PM

For me... upon getting a cuff in the back of the head from MY old man, ask, "What the f*** was that for?"

For anyone who has ever been 4 wheeling WAY back in the bush on a hot summer's day, miles away from the closest human (6.7 miles, to be exact - and that was by taking a shortcut through an alder swamp), look at a stream crossing and say, "Where's your spirit of adventure?" I have pics.

Oh yeah.... take pics of the wife to lighten the mood after getting yer truck stuck way back.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: GUEST,Carl
Date: 05 May 07 - 02:09 PM

Get IT caught in a zipper

Pick your nose in a convertible, in a traffic jam..

Eat corn if you have hemroids

Hold a fire cracker until it explodes

Rush through a barbed wire fence

Wear a good shirt when painting.

Have gas emissions when alone on an elevator (it always stops on the next floor).

Seek out a date at the family reunion.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: GUEST,Carl
Date: 05 May 07 - 02:11 PM

Mistake a gas emission for the real thing

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 May 07 - 02:16 PM

"green ants"????????????

I have never seen such a creature. Bad, are they?

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should only do once...
From: Becca72
Date: 05 May 07 - 02:17 PM

Clean off the razor you've been using to shave your legs by running your thumb over the blade(that was one of my first shaving experiences...). Duh.