BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Senoufou
Date: 27 Jan 18 - 11:08 AM

Yet another thing I've noticed over the past few years is 'getting in supplies of stuff'. I always like to have 'one in use and a second one for when the first one runs out'. This means that there's always toothpaste in the bathroom cabinet and a spare tube in the storage cupboard. I seem to stockpile toilet rolls. And if I see a nice cardigan at a reasonable price, I'll get a second one in another colour, in case they stop making them. I'm obviously preparing for a siege!

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Thompson
Date: 27 Jan 18 - 10:22 AM

Apart from physical decrepitude and a passionate love of bargains (free films in the library every Tuesday! Over-68s get free passes to travel on buses and trains all over the country! Whee!) I find a distinct lack of tolerance for men who want to lecture me about how to be a woman, how to run women-only events, etc.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Jan 18 - 09:34 AM

"....that's another thing I've noticed: attachment to things.
I like my dear old tea towels, which are in fact an utter disgrace (faded and threadbare) I don't want new ones thank you...."

I was just reflecting ydy that this little retirement house could be titled, "My Patchwork Life," because as a lifelong renter till 2013, I've decorated it with fabrics I've had since my first apartment and in the ~45 years since then. Every piece evokes so many stories.

When I last purged my closet abt 5 years ago, I discarded the items that had seen me thru the weight gain resulting from a thyroid Dx 50 years late. The few pieces I'd loved (tent-size couture doesnt offer much in the way of fabric eye-candy), I cut into frame-able pieces. It's time for another purge of worn out clothes, now that I won't be living in two states anymore (with a full wardrobe in each house)

I haven't decided whether to put them in an album of pages to touch, or frame them for display on top of my kitchen cabinets. The answer will prob have to be-- BOTH! :-)


As far as divorce custody of thibgs, I'll enforce my choices with My Kitchen Knife; Hardi will defend his with His Gun. "When we appear on Forensic Files."

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Senoufou
Date: 27 Jan 18 - 01:38 AM

Hahaha Steve! Your divorce lawyer would have a rare old time formulating the papers, with sheets and sheets of lists of 'who gets what'.
Yet another thing I've noticed, particularly in my husband, is a strict adherence to routine. He does everything according to his set-in-stone schedule. If it's 10pm, a lovely cup of tea appears for me, bless him.
After he's cooked a Spicy Horror, the kitchen always gets a deep-clean (bless him again) Before getting into bed, we both solemnly fold our clothes like two Royal Valets. I find all this very reassuring. We both nowadays seem to need our routines. Couple of old codgers!

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 26 Jan 18 - 07:05 PM

Attachment to things? I should say so. I've warned Mrs Steve that if we ever get divorced (which is as likely as a duff bottle of Hirondelle), there is a certain kitchen knife that she is NOT bloody having. And if she thinks she's getting my big lidded stainless steel frying pan, she's got another think coming. Then there is the question of my 30-year-old clock radio. She can sod off. It's mine. Do you hear, darling? MINE!

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Senoufou
Date: 26 Jan 18 - 03:45 PM

Yes, that's another thing I've noticed: attachment to things.
I like my dear old tea towels, which are in fact an utter disgrace (faded and threadbare) I don't want new ones thank you.
I'm also attached to my old saucepans. I love them, they seem to cook really well. I bet a set of new ones wouldn't do the job at all.

I also find myself talking to inanimate objects. I thanked the dishwasher this morning as the glasses were positively sparkling. And surreptitiously patted our Vauxhall Meriva car for getting us safely home from the supermarket.
Where will this end?

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 26 Jan 18 - 03:17 PM

I've got a big old Sony laptop that uses Vista. I'll be devastated when it bites the dust. I've got an ancient cheapie that uses XP. Lovely. Windows 10? I just don't get it. I do most things on this ancient iPad these days. My MacBook is a complete mystery to me.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: leeneia
Date: 26 Jan 18 - 12:39 PM

That's why I"m going to stay with Windows 7 as long as possible. It works, so why should I change my routine?

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: wysiwyg
Date: 24 Jan 18 - 04:07 PM

Change in routine, ditto! I just spent 65 years learning how to X, and I like my system!

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Donuel
Date: 24 Jan 18 - 10:16 AM

My ear embarrassed me yesterday When the school superintendent in charge of financial allocation said "Obviously the parents have done nothing" at which point I launched to a berating that the superintendent said he did not understand at which point my wife nudged me "he said the parents have done nothing wrong".

oh that's different, never mind.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Senoufou
Date: 24 Jan 18 - 10:03 AM

'...ILL-TRAINED...' hahaha! Actually we've found Asda staff far less friendly than Tesco ones, so maybe they are ill-trained!
.
My sister has a thirty year-old daughter on the Aspergers spectrum, and she can get very freaked out by loud noise. But my pro-active sis rang up her local Scottish supermarket to point out the over-loud music and announcements. They were most understanding, and it was turned down considerably. They also have certain days/times when the lighting is reduced and all announcements (except urgent ones of course) are stopped, so that ADHD and autistic spectrum people can shop in comfort.
This must be a boon for parents of children who go into meltdown at loud noise.
(Sorry about the above thread drift)

Does anyone else, as they get older, get irritated by any change in routine? I get very grumpy if the postman is too early or much later than usual. I'm nice to him of course, but inside I'm getting a little agitated. I'm becoming resistant to change. Even products in the shops that have changed their wrapping; even Dave the gardener my old neighbour has over the road. He used to come to hers on Tuesdays and now it's Wednesdays. It's none of my blooming business is it? But I still feel put out! I really hate the new £5 and £10 notes, they're all plastic and one can't fold them properly. They burst out of one's purse when it's opened. Grumble grumble grumble....

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: wysiwyg
Date: 24 Jan 18 - 09:30 AM

Senoufou, I DO find the younger US (smarmy) helpfulness patronising as soon as drive-thru workers see the gray hair that goes with my perky, order-placing voice-- but yes, I will take that senior discount thankyouverymuch.

OTOH, I don't find hands-on help patronizing at all, such as the small army of millennials breaking down my women's march table and carrying it and bags of gear to my car, as I sat on the running board answering other younguns' spontaneous questions.

That thing I described upthread about misread stuff-- in your post I read one bit as "ILL-trained...." ;-)

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: leeneia
Date: 24 Jan 18 - 09:30 AM

Hi, Senoufou. I think the customer service reps appreciate your politeness and respond in kind. Age has nothing to do with it.

For environmental noise such as at the supermarket, I always carry earplugs, the soft, waxy kind such as the Mack brand. They are essential on airplanes and subways, and often come in handy at concerts. For a concert, I leave a little open edge so the plug softens the sound but doesn't block it completely.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Senoufou
Date: 24 Jan 18 - 06:59 AM

I can't bear loud noises leeneia. We sometimes go to Asda supermarket for one or two items that are cheap, and the speaker system is absolutely deafening. It makes me jump out of my skin when it suddenly bellows, "ALL TILL-TRAINED STAFF TO THE CHECKOUTS!" or some such. We pay and hightail out of there as fast as we can!
This isn't a sign of ageing though, as I've always hated loud noise.

One thing I have noticed over the past couple of years is the change in customer service personnel on the telephone. They must hear my rather old-lady voice, and become much kinder and more understanding, as if the poor old dear is maybe a bit senile (perhaps I am!) I like it though, it isn't really patronising, just their way of being helpful. Their job must be trying at times (the public can be so rude and abrasive) so I always aim to be cheery and pleasant.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: leeneia
Date: 23 Jan 18 - 06:36 PM

"Don't shout as if my ears don't work "
===========
Too right. I was in a medical office recently, and the nurse spoke so loud that my arms shot straight up in the air in pain. She drew back, alarmed.

"Don't talk so loud," I said, "You're hurting me." She didn't apologize, but she started talking normally.

I believe she was the nurse who told my blood pressure was some number over 24. I decided not to worry about it.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 22 Jan 18 - 06:24 PM

Billy Connolly's song, sung to the tune of What A Friend We Have In Jesus.

Oh Jesus Christ, I'm nearly forty
My pubic hair is going grey
I can't cut the mustard like I used to
I think it's downhill all the way

And when you see me on the buses
Please don't offer me your seat
When you're crunching on those apples
I'll be sucking boiled sweets

Please don't leave me by the seaside
Don't shout as if my ears don't work
Never let me pee my trousers
Don't let me dribble down my shirt....


...And Billy's three golden rules for the over-60s:

Never pass up an opportunity to have a pee
Never waste an erection
Never trust a fart

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Donuel
Date: 22 Jan 18 - 04:28 PM

My guarantee for mediocracy is No rewrites for me
I write a ditty that's fun and I'm done
I don't even check my smelling

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Bill D
Date: 22 Jan 18 - 01:40 PM

The horse and mule live 30 years
And never knows of wines and beers
The goat and sheep at 20 die
Without a taste of scotch or rye.

The cow drinks water by the ton
And at 18 is mostly done.
The dog at 15 cashes in
Without the aid of rum or gin.

The modest, sober, bone-dry hen
Lays eggs for nogs and dies at 10.
But sinful, ginful, rum-soaked men
Survive three-score years and 10.

And some of us, though mighty few
Stay pickled 'til we're 92.


I'm working on it... ?>/big>

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: kendall
Date: 22 Jan 18 - 01:07 PM

I know I shouldn't tell this, but most of you know that I seldom tell the truth anyway.;

My Doctor has a great sense of humor, and we get along like good friends. But, even he doesn't know when to ask me for the truth. Recently, he seriously6 looked right at me and asked, "Tell me, really, how are you? I said, "You know I'm 80 years old, and generally I am in excellent health, but, there are a couple of things that dont work like they used to." He didn't realize that I was baiting him, so, he said, "I can give you Viagra". I said, "Doc", I never call him Doc, "Giving me Viagra would be like putting a new flag pole on a condemned building.
He laughed for most of my visit..

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Bill D
Date: 22 Jan 18 - 11:50 AM

I wondered where this thread came from... then read it and found I had posted to it several times..
...so, I will add my favorite personal remark about age:

Years ago, I was standing near a group of teens, overheard one young lady lament: "OMG, next week I'm turning 20! I'm not gonna be a teenager any more!"

Unable to resist, I leaned close and in a serious tone said, "Hey... 20 is good! Nothing wrong with 20! Why, I liked it so well, I've done it 3 times!"

They just looked at me as if the idea made no sense.

If the opportunity came again, I'd say it differently... I'd say "I've done it 3 times and almost to the 4th!"

Yesterday, I climbed up a step ladder to do some cleaning and hang some light fixtures in out newly repaired attic. I remember often how many of my friends would not be able to.

*crossing fingers that I can continue to outlive my teeth*

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Senoufou
Date: 22 Jan 18 - 07:51 AM

Billy Connelly has said some very funny things about getting old.
I remember his remarks about grunting and groaning when one sits down or gets up out of a chair. I've noticed I tend to do the same, and I'm very strict with myself now. NO GROANING!

(Husband says I should spray myself with WD40 to ease the old joints!)

Anyone else notice that when one gets up in the morning, one's face is all creased and sort of moulded into a weird shape by the pillow? It takes a few minutes in the bath before it restores itself to normal.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 22 Jan 18 - 07:09 AM

From memory, although I can't remember where I picked it up. Possibly the book of rugby songs:

Now you're growing old and feeble and your pilot light is out.
What used to be your sex appeal is now your water spout.
You used to be embarrassed just to make the thing behave,
For each and every morning it would stand to watch you shave.
But now you're old and feeble, and it sure gives you the blues
To see the thing hang down your leg, and watch you shine your shoes.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: wysiwyg
Date: 22 Jan 18 - 06:02 AM

Donuel, hubby and I have same issue w sugns seen when we drive. PWO!

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Donuel
Date: 21 Jan 18 - 07:51 PM

I don't need remotes to turn down the volume. I can just turn on my right side and let my left George Baily ear do the work. What I think is being said makes me laugh inappropriately. If I repeat what I thought I heard, with a cartoonist's cortex, people with poor English think I am making fun of them when its me I am poking fun at.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Senoufou
Date: 21 Jan 18 - 04:11 AM

Lists are a Very Good Idea if, as you say, one remembers not to forget them!
I do plan menus in advance, and go round the house peering into cupboards, fridge, freezer and stores, checking food, toothpaste, loo rolls, cat food, washing machine detergent etc.
Luckily my brilliant husband takes charge, so I write the lists in French. He ticks off each item with a pen. He seems to know what we're running low on, and makes suggestions. He's an absolute angel!

He does the checkout (I have to rest on a seat) and trundles the lot back to the car. I sink into my passenger seat exhausted.

One of the indignities of ageing is that one gets tired rather easily. I always worry that he thinks I'm blooming lazy, but I reckon he understands.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: BobL
Date: 21 Jan 18 - 03:44 AM

Lists are all very well if you've planned the week's menus in advance. And remember to bring them.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Senoufou
Date: 20 Jan 18 - 05:25 PM

Oh those 'senior moments'! We foolishly went to the big supermarket today - it's always going like a fair on a Saturday, and is the Back End of Hell. I found myself standing in front of some shelves trying hard to remember what it was I needed, causing a major obstruction in the aisle and much tutting from folk trying to get past.

I'd made a very workmanlike list before leaving the house. Husband waved it at me patiently as I stood there transfixed like a right dolly.
I'd forgotten about the list...

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Gurney
Date: 20 Jan 18 - 05:10 PM

I thought I might make a contribution to this thread, so I read down it... and found that I had. Three times.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: The Sandman
Date: 20 Jan 18 - 12:34 PM

dont sing shanties .. how ridiculous

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: leeneia
Date: 20 Jan 18 - 11:52 AM

I am subject to certain indignities of aging, but I've decided not to dwell on them and to enjoy all the life I can. I don't even cringe when somebody sneers "Metamucil!".

On Sunday we went out in the country to look for snowy owls. Didn't find any, but would you believe we saw bluebirds in the bare trees and snow-covered fields? They don't migrate to the warm south.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Mr Red
Date: 18 Jan 18 - 11:48 AM

It is definitely not a function of diet. well being analytical for a moment - I think you would find diet is a factor, amongst others like DNA and anno domini. The problem is how to analyse, like eating one thing only, then introducing one food, then another until.............. skid marks.

And on the subject of menapause: I have advised my two neices to mug up on the subject (in their 20s). Both were firmly of the opinion that it wasn't going to happen for so long it was not worth it. My rejoinder was to arm them with enough knowledge so that there was no surprise. The oldest is now in her 40s and, well, I hope she listened.

With any luck they will fall into the 50% trouble free cohort, but it is an even bet they won't. And it is 5 to 1 against them suffering like their grandmother. I was too young and widowed mothers didn't discuss such things with teenage sons. But I have since been close to one lass who had severe problems. And two lasses who didn't. There - I am average by association!

My message here is: find out before it is necessary. To know what might be involved, and how to cope. Knowledge is power.

Now - if I suffer a stroke, will my brain be cute enough to recognise the situation, recall the knowledge I have stored, and act? I suspect not, but hell! I intend to try.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Will Fly
Date: 18 Jan 18 - 04:23 AM

I looked at the beginning of this thread - it's almost 10 years since it started - and noted the ages disclosed by some of posters. Some of those who posted then are with us now (hurray!), some have flown to the great Session in the Sky, and others? I don't know...

I'm 74 this year, but it's only in the last few months that the doc saw me and, after a routine blood test, prescribed pills for blood pressure, low vitamin D and statins - all as preventative measures against strokes, cardiac problems, etc. Do I feel any different? Nope. Has my lifestyle changed? Nope - I still do gigs, do lots of walking and apart from the odd ache and pain of being 70+, don't feel too bad.

But will I be able to say that on the 20th anniversary of this thread. Mum died at 91, Dad at 93 - so who knows?

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Donuel
Date: 17 Jan 18 - 06:16 PM

As my pilot light gets smaller I've learned to see by the wise light of Susan's flame.

More or less, sometimes less is more.

Forgive the small stuff, fight the big.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Senoufou
Date: 17 Jan 18 - 01:40 PM

I have three:-

Don't judge or criticise too readily until you can see the whole picture.

Be kind whenever possible.

Share gladly what you have with those who don't have.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: wysiwyg
Date: 17 Jan 18 - 01:22 PM

Well, since the threads still open, maybe it's a mistake... but I'll still hijack it myself-- to a related topic.

First I must say it was bittersweet re-reading the foregoing posts. I want to know how everyone is now, 10 years on--and too many are not here to answer. Some, permanently. I hope their posts bring a smile.

Second, I wanted to re-answer almost every post, but won't.
.

.
THE HIJACK: Life hacks that come to you now in your older age.

Mine:

1. Don't put all your warm, snuggly long underwear in the same wash load until summer.

2. Don't explain anything until asked FMI.

3. Always stand up for the victim-- especially yourself, and without apology.
.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Penny S.
Date: 28 Feb 12 - 02:14 PM

Now why is it that I can take no offence at that, and have left another website because of some infantile ad feminem abuse?

Penny

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: gnu
Date: 28 Feb 12 - 01:52 PM

Penny... "... this presumably is related to the habit of men of sitting on double bus seats in such a way that their legs are splayed apart and anyone on the other part of the seat has about nine inches to perch on."

Oh my. Oh dear. No, I shant say it. Sorry, Spaw. I am not worthy yet.

Oh, what the hell.

Penny... I thought the girls liked to perch on nine inches.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: theleveller
Date: 28 Feb 12 - 08:54 AM

...and use a good anti-ageing serum/moisturiser.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: theleveller
Date: 28 Feb 12 - 08:44 AM

"I am so taken aback by the knowledge of the sagginess of men's anatomy "

Me too! I'm 63 and see no signs of that happening yet. My recipe for maintaining a bit of dignity as you grow older is don't grow a beard, don't wear a ponytail, don't wear trainers, don't sing shanties - and don't let your meat loaf. (The shanty bit is particularly important.)

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Penny S.
Date: 28 Feb 12 - 05:57 AM

There are various articles in the New Scientist about the naturalness of afternoon naps. There is a known tendency for there to be a second small peak in driving accidents due to nodding off in the early afternoon, matching the large one in the small hours. There are changes in the pattern of brainwaves at the time. Or that's my excuse.

There is a matching pattern of waking briefly in the night, historically recorded.

I am so taken aback by the knowledge of the sagginess of men's anatomy - this presumably is related to the habit of men of sitting on double bus seats in such a way that their legs are splayed apart and anyone on the other part of the seat has about nine inches to perch on. All my life I have regarded this behaviour as reprehensible, and now I learn it is a disability of old age. Oh dear.

Penny

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Bill D
Date: 27 Feb 12 - 04:54 PM

"... never trust a fart."

Hmm,... I see the point of the admonition, but I am almost always able to judge the ....um... likely results. I can just 'feel' the state of my innards.

It may have 20-30 years since I had a 'problem', and that was when I was caught away from the house. I guess I am lucky....

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Midchuck
Date: 27 Feb 12 - 03:59 PM

I just read this whole thread. I had never read it before, since I made it to 70 in pretty good shape. As soon as I turned 70, it hit the fan, and now I'm recovering from a triple bypass and have time on my hands to read long threads.

I was impressed by Jacqui's admonition in '07:

I've said before, as you get older, never trust a fart. That is one of the lessons you need to learn FAST!

Several people on the thread made the same point. But in her case, there's a degree of ambiguity. Was she talking bowels, or marriage?

P.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 27 Feb 12 - 12:03 PM

But surely one could have a little 'nip and tuck' procedure for droopy goolies? The scrotum could simply be reduced or hitched up in some way, probably under a local anaesthetic? Then one could sit on the loo with Little Lefty and Righty well up out of the water.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Feb 12 - 10:16 AM

Couldn't resist:

===

Subject: RE: BS: Technical sh*t. No really!
From: catspaw49 - PM
Date: 26 Feb 12 - 07:08 PM

Actually VT, I wish I had one like that. Men pass through several periods of life that are marked by bag changes. When you're young they are up real tight and as a young man they seem a bit lower but very functional. Then it seems as you age they become less functional while growing lower, or perhaps just sagging. You first notice this when you sit on your nuts. Its a strange thing as they were never there before and then.....SMASH.....GASP!!!!!

Then as you come to the end of middle age or thereabouts you get a trmendous shock. One day you sit down on the can and your balls drop into the water. At first you blame it on the high water level in the toilet but in your heart you know the truth......old age has begun. I've often thought that instead of a special discount card which some states issue to those over 55 (Golden Buckeye in Ohio) or an AARP card to use for deals on rental cars and motels and the like, all a man should need are his nuts.

"Are you eligible for our seniors discount?"
Man drops trou
"Ah, yes sir, I see that you are."

I fear the point at which they not only drop in the water, but I don't notice.............................


Spaw

===

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 03 Nov 11 - 04:23 PM

Yes! Afternoon naps! I used to feel so guilty about nodding off mid-afternoon. I'd say "Er... very late night last night..." Which was a pack of lies, as I've always gone to bed early. Now I do not care. I go to bed at 3pm, undress and get under the duvet (no dozing in a chair for me!) and sleep blissfully for at least an hour. I wake up very refreshed and ready for the evening. When you're getting on a bit, you care less and less what people think. You realise it just doesn't matter.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Donuel
Date: 03 Nov 11 - 02:59 PM

Break a tail light in your twenties and its blamed on the impetuous impatience of youth, Do so in your 60's and one's entire competence is questioned. But two tail lights in one year is still a bit suspicious. (Both at gas stations when forced to back out)

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 03 Nov 11 - 02:53 PM

I like growing older, because you suddenly start to see Twinkling in Ol' Men's Eyes, that you never noticed before...and when you catch that Twinkle, especially if it's directed at you, you see them as young men again..

It's kinda magical...and well worth the wait. ;0)

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: wysiwyg
Date: 03 Nov 11 - 02:18 PM

Excerpt from a HS friend (my age, we made it to our late 50's!?!?!?) always much "fitter" than I, via email:

"....at our "advanced ages" my physician suggested that I drive no more than 8 hours a day to maintain 1) sanity; 2) body. I followed his advice on the way down to FL last year; however, on the way back I wanted to make time so I drove from FL to Chi in two 11-hour days. I will NEVER do that again. I was wrecked for a week-– and that was before I pinched the nerve in my back! [So-- when planning a trip--] ... take your time and arrive healthy...."

===

How to tell if you are still doing purty much OK--

Are you IN the nursing home, or visiting the nursing home?

Are you toting an instrument... or planning on playing that piano or house guitar that's already there?

Are you changing someone else's Depends, or your own? (Or are you NOT changing your own nor asking for help?

When it turns out it was NOT a fart, do you know that on your own.... or do you need someone else to tell you?

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Joe Offer
Date: 03 Jul 11 - 08:03 PM

Never being able to trust a fart to be "just" a fart...


I see this has been posted before. It's a universal malady for our generation, and I'm just too young to be having to deal with this.

-Joe-

P.S. I do recommend the "afternoon nap," though.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Jeri
Date: 03 Jul 11 - 04:55 PM

999, I don't try to blame the farts on someone else. Fortunately (or "un"), my hearing is, despite Pink Floyd, Black Sabbath and the rest of the 70s, still mostly perfect. I think with age comes the ability to say "so my ass made a noise. Big deal--get over it". I used to make fun of my mother (in a totally loving kid-giving-parent-crap way) when she got one of those walking-related semi-automatic butt-fire episodes. Then she laughed at me because she didn't give a shit-- literally, which is always a good thing when one is walking.

So now, I toot. I vaguely remember being embarrassed about that sort of thing, but I guess I got over it.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 03 Jul 11 - 03:37 PM

The best thing I've observed about reaching a mature age is that everyone is quite concerned that you keep your regular appointments with your professional attendants.

Since nearly everyone else I see with any regularity (not referring to above discussions) is a relative (mostly from the "downside" generations since I have no "elders" left) it's my one opportunity to talk to someone with a good likelihood of passable literacy, and even occasionally some intelligence - even if they are a bunch of "kids."

(Except for the cardiologists, who seem never to learn anything after they get through "Pomposousness and Asshoolery 1.01.") The more "specialized" they get, the less likely to diagnose anything but their "favorite malady," or to consider what might actually be a problem for the patient. (IMNSHO¹, of course)

¹ based the accumulated wisdom of my mature years?

John

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: GUEST,999
Date: 03 Jul 11 - 02:38 PM

On the plus side, when ya fart, ya can always think it is someone else.

Subject: Pluck your ears my dear?
From: wysiwyg
Date: 03 Jul 11 - 09:30 AM

It always sounded so romantic-- "We'll grow old together..." I thought it was about wisdom and the harshness of some shared memories blurred into happy ones, by time! Who could have known that it REALLY means, "Come on, dear, let's go pluck each others' ear-canal hairs... (because we can't see our own and besides we need that extra hand to hold the magnifying glass.... did I just do yours or did you just do mine..... I forget....)"

Image: |Entwined arms holding prettypretty champagne flutes|.... fades to |entwined arms juggling magnifier and tweezers|...

Oh well it's all good innit?

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: wysiwyg
Date: 19 Oct 09 - 08:20 PM

When youse among the age-ed, and somebuddy takes you for a ride, you sits in the front seat becuz yore knees is soh-er.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Rowan
Date: 19 Oct 09 - 06:18 PM

A forty six year old friend of mine, when asked how old she was, replied, "Sixteen, with thirty years experience of it."

I usually feel like that but it was even stronger over the weekend. The Mountaineering Club at my old uni was having its 65th anniversary dinner and I was able to get there and see some friends I hadn't seen for four decades, in some cases.

And then it was time for the 18 hour train trip back home. I get the cheap fare because I'm officially an Old Fart, but it wearied me more than it used to.

But no indignities yet, unless you count the inability to see where you left your glasses.

Cheers, Rowan

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Dorothy Parshall
Date: 19 Oct 09 - 02:49 PM

Re two year olds: A study many years ago asked a football player in prime shape to copy every action of a two year old. The football player wore out first.
    2: I bought two goats, each under the age of two. We brought them home and put them in the barn. Two hours later they were walking down the middle of our rural road. They opened the gate.

No indignities yet. Maybe next month.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Mrrzy
Date: 19 Oct 09 - 01:56 PM

Who was it said Old age is not for sissies?

Still beats the alternative!

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Donuel
Date: 19 Oct 09 - 01:49 PM

At a certain age you go to the doctor and at the end they dispassionatly give you a pre printed 'hand out' of what you have.
I call it the dented fender report.
Last week hey handed me a print out for posterior ocular detanchment " due to old age your vitrious humor turns watery instead of its usual gel like consistency and pulls away from the back of the eye..."

The idignity of going all watery or drying up like some dihessent seed pod is how these print outs often describe some new aspect of decrepitude.

Be it a sensory loss or organ failure they have a hand out that says "Usually this condition is not dangerous BUT..."
Then the bad news and dire expectations conclude the report.

I used to go to the doctor to get better.
Now I go for hand outs.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Joe_F
Date: 18 Oct 09 - 10:14 PM

Another thing is, it gets harder & harder to tease things apart -- the top coffee filter on a stack, the next page of a newspaper, the open side of a plastic bag (once you find it).

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 15 Oct 09 - 06:36 AM

Thanks for the great stories about your grandma, Paula.
=======
I feel lucky to have lived during the decades that I have.

Ever heard of 'the Dumbing of America?' Just one example - today the newspaper told of the drowning deaths of two girls, only two years old, in the family pool. Supposedly they unfastened the gate. (Yeah, right.)

What kind of people can't control two-year olds? They only come up to our knees.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Janie
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 07:32 PM

I feel quite spry....





Until I move.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Bill D
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 06:49 PM

*sigh*... I now notice the return of cold weather sooner and with regret.
I used to never mind cold at all...my circulation has always been good and I can get warm fairly easily, but I NEED to get warm sooner now.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: DougR
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 06:32 PM

Indignities? I haven't noticed any. I'm only 79, though, so maybe it will show up sooner or later.

DougR

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Dorothy Parshall
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 05:11 PM

I was 68 before it dawned on me that other people viewed me as "old". I wondered why parents kept telling their kids to "be careful with Dorothy". I am every age I have ever been - just like everyone else. If you do not know how old I am, I could pass for ?? (Those of you have met me in person can answer that - but carefully!!) I think I have more energy than most 60 year olds. And, for now, I have a man in my life young enough to keep up with me - as long as I take good care of him! I really have nothing about which to complain. So I guess I should just get out of this thread!

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 10:43 AM

I can now empathise with Joe Heaney (gifted Irish singer) ;

It takes me all night to do what I used to do all night.

Or, to paraphrase a gentleman (?) who lectured me on naughties : there's only one f*cked at our house - me.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: wysiwyg
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 10:06 AM

It's only partially funny that to find the glasses that work, I have to put on the glasses that USED to work, to SEE where they MIGHT be.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Don Firth
Date: 07 Feb 09 - 03:08 PM

From The American Songbag, compiled by Carl Sandburg:

The Good Boy

I have led a good life, full of peace and quiet
I shall have an old age full of rum and riot;
I have been a good boy, wed to peace and study,
I shall have an old age, ribald, coarse and bloody.

I have never cut throats, even when I yearned to,
Never sang dirty songs that my fancy turned to;
I have been a nice boy and done what was expected,
I shall be an old bum loved but unrespected.

Yea, verily!!

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: paula t
Date: 07 Feb 09 - 12:51 PM

I want to grow old disgracefully like my Grandma. We lost her to cancer a few years ago at the age of 87. Very quick and quite unexpected.Just a few of her escapades.....

She was famous for taking cuttings wherever she went - including the rather nice tea room we visited.(That vase of pinks with "cuttings" still attached was really too good to miss!It wouldn't have been quite so embarrassing if she hadn't loudly explained how to do it to Sarah and Kathryn.)
She turned up to our wedding with her leg strapped up because she crashed a child's trike into a wall.Having had "one over the eight" she thought it would be a good idea to organise a bike race round the garden.
In her 80s,She was the victim of an armed robbery at my uncle's house in South Africa. A shotgun was held to her head and she was told to lead the robbers to the safe.She promptly ran through the lounge door and pushed the sofa under the doorhandle so they couldn't get in. When they ran round the outside of the house to get her , she picked up an armchair and threw it through the window at them-injuring one of them and causing them to run away.

Again, in her 80s, she fell off the rather large swing in our garden. She was going really high and then boasted to Kathryn and Sarah that she could swing without holding on...........

I could go on. That lady was 4 foot 10inches of dynamite. She lived life to the full,and once described herself in these words,"I can't grow old - because I haven't grown up yet!"

If she's in heaven(And she wasn't quite sure she'd get there!) then there will certainly never be a dull moment!

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: wysiwyg
Date: 06 Feb 09 - 03:51 PM

The 80-ish folks I know see my age better than the 65-75-ish folks who think I am a kid. I get along a lot better with the 80+ers!

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Ebbie
Date: 06 Feb 09 - 02:30 PM

What I notice is the tags of skin that have popped out all over my body. I'll bet I have 20 of them. Why is that?

On the other hand, I find that I'm nore comfortable being 73 than I was with 72. Don't understand that, either.

But I do enjoy being older rather than younger. As several have commented, crises are no longer so dire; you've come to realize that most things are not earth-shattering. When I think of all the things I've gone through in my life I wonder why I thought at the time they were so huge. I hadn't really known yet that until you do die, you will survive.

When my father turned 80 he had breakfast with two friends who had also recently achieved 80.

My dad said, "You know, we about have it made. They say very few people die after they're 80."

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Joe_F
Date: 05 Feb 09 - 08:43 PM

If I live long enough, I'll be sick the rest of my life.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Don Firth
Date: 04 Feb 09 - 10:26 PM

Supreme Court Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes lived to be ninety-four years old. In his later years, he was walking down Pennsylvania Avenue with a friend, when a pretty girl passed. Holmes turned to look after her. Having done so, he sighed and said to his friend, "Ah, George, what wouldn't I give to be seventy-five again?"

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: frogprince
Date: 04 Feb 09 - 06:48 PM

My father-in-law is just about the liveliest, sharpest 70 year old guy I know of; which is pretty good, as he was born almost 91 years ago.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Rog Peek
Date: 04 Feb 09 - 01:03 PM

Heard a great saying the other day:

"There's none so old as those who have lost enthusiasm."

So true, nothing to do with chronology.

Rog

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Don Firth
Date: 03 Feb 09 - 05:19 PM

"Age spots? No, that's just where I drooled my Geritol. . . ."

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: SINSULL
Date: 03 Feb 09 - 03:26 PM

Hadn't thought of that but maybe that's why I am so mellow.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: michaelr
Date: 03 Feb 09 - 03:24 PM

Age improves with wine.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: wysiwyg
Date: 03 Feb 09 - 11:54 AM

Aye, and for all the good the suppositories did me, I might just as well have shoved them up my arse.

LMAO

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Amos
Date: 03 Feb 09 - 11:11 AM

"They say that you're going blind, that your vision is rapidly deteriorating, but don't worry: They are just a coat rack and hat."

(Onion)

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: SINSULL
Date: 03 Feb 09 - 08:26 AM

I will never be old. It is simply not acceptable.

Doesn't anyone else enjoy watching the fur fly as the younger crowd takes life so seriously and you stand by amused? "Oh my god! I lost the report!"

Mary "And????"

Age gives us a perspective. A lost job when I was 30 was the end of the world. At 60, it's time to find another job...or not.

At some point we learn it is what it is. Deal with it...or not.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 03 Feb 09 - 05:23 AM

Aye, and for all the good the suppositories did me, I might just as well have shoved them up my arse.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Don Firth
Date: 03 Feb 09 - 01:01 AM

True story.

Having dinner a few months ago with a couple of friends, man and wife. She pops open a fortune cookie and reads the message, which said, "You have an inner beauty." She contemplated it for a moment, then said, "That's what they told me after my colonoscopy."

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: katlaughing
Date: 02 Feb 09 - 11:38 PM

But it's good ya got it done, SRS!:-)

You're most welcome, Don. I had it up on my bulletin board for years,I was so fond of it; still am.:-)

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 02 Feb 09 - 11:23 PM

I haven't read this thread yet, I'll catch up soon. But as one who has officially hit the age when I was sent in for my first colonoscopy recently, I can attest to a procedure associated with aging that is more undignified than anything I can think of, except childbirth. And with childbirth, when you're ready to push, you don't give a rat's ass who is there and what they see, and when you're finished, you have this wonderful new little person in your life. After the colonoscopy you go home and wait to regrow the flora and get things back to normal. Ugg.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Don Firth
Date: 02 Feb 09 - 10:49 PM

Thanks, kat! I knew I'd heard it someplace, but I couldn't remember who said it. That good a line deserves to be credited.

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: katlaughing
Date: 02 Feb 09 - 10:10 PM


How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

That was Ruth Gordon's line when asked how old she was, if I remember correctly. It's always been one of my favourite quotes! She was quite the character on and off camera from what I remember.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: JennieG
Date: 02 Feb 09 - 09:01 PM

Found this recently and thought it might raise a smile here:

An older couple is lying in bed one morning.
They had just awakened from a good night's sleep.
He takes her hand and she responds, 'Don't touch me.' 'Why not?' he asked. She answered, 'Because I'm dead.'
The husband asked...'What are you talking about? We're both lying here in bed together and talking to one another!'
She said, 'No, I'm definitely dead.'
He insisted, 'You are not dead. What in the world makes you think you're dead?'
'Because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts.'

Cheers
JennieG

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 02 Feb 09 - 06:28 PM

right on

sandra (dignified)

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Donuel
Date: 02 Feb 09 - 01:01 PM

If you can get up in the wee night hours to pee, life still has dignity.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Feb 09 - 10:31 AM

Indignities of aging...well, it Depends....

I've hearing aids in both ears, a partial plate (the Army pulled the wrong tooth, among other things), and in a few years I'll need cataract surgery as well as bifocals.

On the other hand...on the other hand...well....

Don: 25 or so. Old enough to drink and carouse, not yet old enough to feel it.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: wysiwyg
Date: 02 Feb 09 - 09:01 AM

A lot of people like Ai Chi, a Tai Chi-based program in warm water. All the flex, none of the impact.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 02 Feb 09 - 07:36 AM

Today I didn't go to my weekly Tai Chi & Gentle Exercise for Seniors. My Physio runs the class for her older patients & ordered me to attend - I'm the token youngster - almost 57 (next week!) & the other members are in their late 70's & 80s! We had a 93-year old in the class for a few terms until she moved to be nearer to her daughter & I had assumed she was in her late 70's-early 80s until she mentioned her age one day.

We all need the Tai Chi moves for our aging joints (& mine are the oldest of all the class!)

I hope to be there next week, tho it depends on healing of my scar (very slow at the moment & sore as hell)

sandra

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Don Firth
Date: 02 Feb 09 - 01:45 AM

Inside every seventy-year-old is a teen-ager saying, "What the hell happened!??"

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Joybell
Date: 02 Feb 09 - 12:29 AM

Yes, That's a good article, Kat. When I was in intensive care awaiting my cardiologist I heard him say, "So you've filled the place with old ladies falling down?"
"Who's an old lady?" I wondered. Then I remembered I was 63. I discovered I was actually the youngest of his "old Ladies" but still...

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: katlaughing
Date: 01 Feb 09 - 11:50 PM

I liked this article in a magazine I got at my cardiologist's office:

Age Excellently - Age is NOT a disease!

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Joe_F
Date: 01 Feb 09 - 09:21 PM

Partial denture this year. Hearing aid next year, I have been warned.

"With my ears in a drawer, my teeth in a cup", etc.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Gurney
Date: 01 Feb 09 - 08:03 PM

A good cough is a little frightening. For a couple of reasons.
Hair production OK, but colouration and distribution terrible.
Memory isn't what it was. Er, what was it?
Getting up more tired than when I went to bed.
Hangovers that I really don't deserve.
Situations that I hesitate to enter. Careful, now.
Garments that I can no longer get into. Includes belts and shirts!
$6500 worth of dentistry, and I just broke ANOTHER tooth.
Can't sleep on my side, wake myself snoring on my back.
Can't be bothered to practise, so guitar and concertina slipping.
Can't learn new songs.
Eyes growing dim. Partially blocked artery. Sense of smell going.


Sense of humour undiminished.
I can do anything I really want to.
I'm in a loving relationship.
I don't foul my pants. Yet.

Still prefer life to death. By far.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: wysiwyg
Date: 01 Feb 09 - 06:59 PM

Anytime!

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Joybell
Date: 01 Feb 09 - 06:37 PM

Where was I when this thread started -- Oh! I remember. My heart was stopping. That kind of thing plays hell with your brain. Anyway -- glad that some of these problems have been resolved for my dear friends here. Sad about the ones that can't. Panicky about the ones, to do with farts and leaks, that might wait me and True-love.
Sjogren's syndrome is at least interesting. You never know where it will strike. And it has remissions. It attacks your salivary glands, makes your tongue burn, and maybe your teeth fall out. Your eyes -- and you squint through little bits of broken glass. Your optic nerve -- and there are flashes of silver around the edge of your vision. Your trigeminal nerve -- and you have episodes of the most intense pain known to Man or Woman. Your joints -- and you get arthritis. Your heart's electrical system -- and your heart stops. I'm one of the lucky ones. All of the manifestations, I have so far, are treatable. Some go away for long periods. My heart is now nudged into beating by a pacemaker. Sjogren's has kept away from my kidneys so far and only lightly touches my joints.
Mickey -- are you OK?
Thanks for the chance to have a rave, Susan.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: wysiwyg
Date: 01 Feb 09 - 12:27 PM

Coordinating His-n-Hers meds for, um, activities jointly enjoyed.

"Have my meds call your meds."

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: TRUBRIT
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 10:16 PM

Ouch!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Art Thieme
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 08:48 PM

The right earlobe is still there. If it returns, I suspect a lobe-otomy will follow.   ;-)
I was told it's very probably from my playing by ear for all those years. ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 05:22 AM

I was told by my daughter, aged 33, as regards aging

'You shouldn't have joined if you can't take a joke'.

To which the only response' I think, has to be

'I don't mind a joke but fuck a pantomime'.

My thoughts are with you, Art and Uncle Dave.

Joy, Health, Love, Peace and Blessings.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: TRUBRIT
Date: 17 Sep 07 - 10:19 PM

Well - on the three score and ten scale I have 12 good years left and hope to enjoy every one....!

Art - you are so right ........you GOTTA have a sense o' humor, or else it isn't funny!! Best of luck.......

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Joe_F
Date: 16 Sep 07 - 09:57 PM

We were warned:

The days of our years are threescore years and ten; and if by reason of strength they be fourscore years, yet is their strength labour and sorrow; for it is soon cut off, and we fly away. -- Psalm 90:10

For me, the guarantee runs out this 28 October. So far, I've had better health than I deserve.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Art Thieme
Date: 16 Sep 07 - 09:44 PM

Truebrit,

Like I'm fond of saying: Ya gotta have a sense o' humor, or else it isn't funny! ;-)

Art

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: TRUBRIT
Date: 16 Sep 07 - 08:25 PM

Art Thieme -- I havent met you but my heart goes out to you -- MS is a pig of a disease and cancer of the ear ( 'ear 'ear) thrown in seems a little bit over the top

I have(had) a dear friend who was a quadreplegic since he turned 18 and had a wrestling accident that left him as a quad .... he died of fucking brain cancer -- Art, I don;t know you but I think you will get the irony....

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Ebbie
Date: 16 Sep 07 - 01:43 PM

As the man said, Amos: "Why, of course, I'm young. I've been young all my life."

So was I. Until sudeenly...

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Amos
Date: 16 Sep 07 - 12:22 PM

I was eleven until my body turned seventeen. I was eighteen until my 30th birthday, and I stayed thirty until my 50th birthday. At 62 I still feel fifty.   I can't say I understand this two-tracks-of-time phenomenon, but I think it is commonly experienced.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Rog Peek
Date: 16 Sep 07 - 11:36 AM

I'm sorry to 'ear that as well Art. Sorry too I couldn't resist the pun, I'm assuming Alice yours wasn't.

Joking aside Art, we'll be keeping our fingers crossed that this time the doctors are right, and they got it all.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Alice
Date: 16 Sep 07 - 10:10 AM

Art, I'm sorry to hear that! You take care, Alice.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: SINSULL
Date: 15 Sep 07 - 10:51 PM

And I thought the twinge in my wrist was a problem. I need to find some younger friends if only to preserve the upholstery in my car.
SINS, on her way to a colonoscopy...

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: mouldy
Date: 15 Sep 07 - 04:17 AM

My mother, on turning 70, said to me, "There's a 40 year old in me, and my body won't let it out"!

At 55, I have a young person in me that is being told to behave by its older outer self. When it does sneak out for a while it then gets "I told you so" the next day when it suffers for it.

Damn


Andrea

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Amos
Date: 15 Sep 07 - 12:03 AM

Oh, Art!!! Ear, ear!!! I guess you have to be careful what you wish for; make a wish to get hard, but not of hearing!!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Art Thieme
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 10:07 PM

...and last week I had three quarters of my right ear removed. That's for real.
cancer of the ear. They probably got it all I've been told.

After the last 20 years, I don't believe a thing doctors tell me. They see everything with the tunnel vision of their own expertise---and generally get diagnoses wrong! God forbid, they get it right once in a while and actually send you to another specialist who might do you some good!

Art

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Art Thieme
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 09:50 PM

Dysfunctions of all kinds are companions of mine now as byproducts of MS. I fully empathize with Bryn Pugh. I regularly gross myself out with things I must now do regularly to survive. I've come to realize that the fucking golden years are not that color. They are brown.

And they sound like a bell!!!! (scroll down!)








dung!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: wysiwyg
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 01:38 PM

Congrats, Dave!!!

And congrats to all former fart-trusters!

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Bert
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 12:51 PM

Oh the indignity!

Three month old Granddaughter threw up on me yesterday. The cute little bugger. I guess that is an indignity that I find it quite easy to suffer.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Mr Happy
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 12:18 PM

yes, we've all got piles to look forward to!!

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: bobad
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 11:22 AM

Shit happens.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 10:08 AM

Oi - Mickey 191 - if you are in this thread, shove off NOW.

At 62 I am probably still a pup, but I have taken on board the advice

    NEVER TRUST A FART.

My beloved an I were heading into Town to do the |Marks shop and I let a fart. I thought it was a fart. Guess what ?

Fortunately there was a garage nearby (US - Filling station ? Gasoline place ?)so I could do what I thought was going to be a quick cleany-up job. No such luck. Had it just been me underpants I could have flushed them away and picked a five-pack up at Marks. No such luck.

Once I was nice and clean and shiny again, courtesy of clean undies, clean chinos and a wire brush, in Town I went to the saddlers and picked up a lovely leather 'man-bag' such as the Eyetalian men carry. It goes everywhere with me now. It contains my bus-pass, keys, a pen, a glass so that if I come across any coins that take me fancy I can scrutinise them ; but most importantly - clean undies and some wet wipes.

Once over 55 - NEVER TRUST A FART.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Gurney
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 02:28 AM

I was scrolling down this thread, and saw a post that I could refer to. Scrolled further, and saw that I already had. I'd forgotten the whole thread, let alone my post.

Funny, I can still remember my first day at school, nearly 62 years ago.

I have aches, a paunch, no hair, etc., but the alternative to being old is still much worse.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 08:09 PM

My favorite quote about aging (and the most accurate one I've heard) came from Eubie Blake, on his 100th birthday. When asked how it felt to be 100, he said: "I feel like I'm thirty-five years old. With something terribly wrong with me."

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: SINSULL
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 07:13 PM

Good news, UncleO. Celebrate!

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Amos
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 07:02 PM

Huzzah, Dave!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: frogprince
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 06:27 PM

God help us, we may have to put up with Uncle Dave's jokes for the indefinate future now.

(Sure hope so; that's real good news)

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Rog Peek
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 05:27 PM

Well done mate, that's great news!
Rog

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 05:11 PM

At long last, I can drop the other shoe!

Back on May 6, I said that I'd been provisionally diagnosed with a non-Hodgkins lymphoma.

That's what it was, all right. But now, after six chemo sessions, my oncologist pronounced those glorious words, "cancer free"! That's based on a PET scan and CT scan after the fourth chemo. The PET could not find the differential absorption of radioactive sugar solution by the fast-growing cells of a lymphoma, and the CT couldn't see it either. Then two more chemos to (as Shakespeare put it) "make assurance double sure".

I thought I would pass this on, for the delectation (or dismay?) of those who know me.

Dave Oesterreich

Frankly,

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 11 May 07 - 02:34 AM

Amos... it's time you upped your medication again... you're starting to make sense to me!

Either that or it's time for me to go back ON my medications...

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Amos
Date: 10 May 07 - 10:03 AM

From the perspective of those (such as LH) who subscribe to a "many lifetimes" model of the human spirit, the question arises whether one goes through cycles of creation, growth, change, decay and extinction as a soul -- a spiral involving, say, hundreds of lifetimes linked by a common theme.

I would think the symptoms of being late in such a spiral would be similar tot he individual life cycle pattern: accrued wisdom, crankiness, impatience, and a tendency to forget things.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: TRUBRIT
Date: 10 May 07 - 02:47 AM

It is the price (or one of them ) of aging.......!

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: MBSLynne
Date: 10 May 07 - 02:45 AM

I bet you forgot you'd posted that already TRUBRIT????

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: TRUBRIT
Date: 10 May 07 - 01:03 AM

Works for me! Must be comforting to REALLY believe otherwise..........

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Joe_F
Date: 09 May 07 - 09:14 PM

First you go to hell, then your body rots, and then you die.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: MBSLynne
Date: 09 May 07 - 03:45 AM

My Dad (a similar age to you Dave) had a similar situation though in a different place. They removed the growths and he is regularly checked and so far is fine. He was told that, due to his age they would develop and grow very slowly if they returned, so would probably not be a desperate problem. (Meaning he'd probably die of old age before they killed him!) So there's an advantage of ageing!

Good luck and thoughts to you and I'm sure you will be fine

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Peace
Date: 08 May 07 - 11:35 PM

I apologize, Dave. I was responding to a post further up-thread and hadn't read yours. I am gonna agree with Amos: a complete recovery. You will have a bit of rough road, but you keep it between the ditches and there is a clear, smooth drive ahead. You are gonna be fine.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Amos
Date: 08 May 07 - 11:28 PM

Dave:

I am sorry for your troubles with this thing; I am betting on a fast, straight recovery. Keep putting out that energy.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Peace
Date: 08 May 07 - 09:59 PM

The cause of pee pee is wa wa.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 08 May 07 - 09:49 PM

I've been asked to update folks on my condition re the lymphoma in the Mediastinum.

The biopsy says that yes, indeed, it's lymphoma, and it is indeed malignant, a relative of Hodgkin's disease. That's the bad news.

The good news is that it's small, and asymptomatic. Better, the Good Doc tells me that, although he's not the oncologist who will have the last word, it's slow-growing, and has probably been there for a long time (as in several years). With the same disclaimer, he thinks that it is very easily treated. I asked whether by radiation or chemo, and he thought, since it's small, isolated, and asymptomatic, the oncologist will probably choose radiation.

I wouldn't have chosen to have the thing in the first place (surprise! surprise!), but given its presence, the above qualifies as good news.

Film at 11

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: wysiwyg
Date: 07 May 07 - 06:55 PM

The way I heard it, it's the aging/loss of muscle tone of a floor of muscles that support the bladder, which develops a weak spot between them. Thus this allows the bladder to hang down between them with not only no support, but pressure from the squeeze of the surrounding muscles. Treatment-- Kegel exercises.

I also heard there is a higher incidence of nerve damage in that area among women as they age, who had forceps deliveries in childbirth.

Fun, though, innit?

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: GUEST,AAH
Date: 07 May 07 - 06:50 PM

I guess the next topic could be the leaky pee-pee. It caused by a phantom muscle that weakens practically involuntarily. It is not any of the normal muscles used to control bladder output. It is closely related to, but is not exactly, the one that can fail when you cough hard. One finds oneself enrolled in Potty Training Part II. It can happen out of no-where, or it can be triggered by rolling over and getting out of bed, walking down the stairs, or just plain holding it too long.

AAH

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: leeneia
Date: 07 May 07 - 10:27 AM

"I think it is better to use a natural product [saw palmetto] rather than something cooked up in a chemical lab."

======
I disagree. In the U.S., so-called "natural" herbals have been tested and found to contain lead, pesticides, contaminating additional herbs and/or pharmaceuticals (some of them banned). Some of them don't contain the herbs they are supposed to contain.

I specify "in the U.S." because here the lack of testing, purity and certification of so-call herbals and dietary supplements is a damn shame.

"Natural" is not a protection. There are natural things that can make you miserable, destroy your health or kill you. American Poison Control centers have handled thousands of poisonings involving so-called natural or herbal dietary supplements.

See "Natural Causes" by Dan Hurley, Broadway Books (a division of Random House) 2006.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: LilyFestre
Date: 07 May 07 - 09:35 AM

"aiming for delinquency rather than senility"

LOL!!! I like that! Nothing like a bit of sass to keep you and those around you young!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: jacqui.c
Date: 07 May 07 - 06:46 AM

And then there are grandchildren. It's worth getting older, just for them.

Deb - I told my kids the same - I want to live to 100, just to piss them off. There will be my two, ages 78 and 81, wondering if they're going to end up in the same rest home as mother!

I've said before, as you get older, never trust a fart. That is one of the lessons you need to learn FAST!

When all's said and done I fall back on the adage "There's no alternative to aging, but you don't have to get OLD".

jacqui.c, aiming for delinquency rather than senility...

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: MBSLynne
Date: 07 May 07 - 03:27 AM

Yes it's true...one of the definite positives of getting older is watching your children growing up. I take almost infinite pleasure in my two beautiful, intelligent children and get just about as much pleasure vicariously from their triumphs and enjoyments as I would if I were experiencing them myself. Even better...as I see my son enjoying his school work and aiming for all A and A* GCSEs, I can enjoy it without actually having to put in any of the hard work!

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Amos
Date: 07 May 07 - 01:02 AM

That's also a problem when converting to certain faiths, I believe...


A

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: JennyO
Date: 07 May 07 - 12:07 AM

Sorry Dick, your phrasing struck me funny. I pictured you walking around accompanied by the ghosts of your dead friends. Bad Jenny.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 06 May 07 - 11:48 PM

The absolute worst thing about getting old is the realization of the number of dead friends you have.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: TRUBRIT
Date: 06 May 07 - 10:32 PM

I agree so strongly, I infinitely prefer being the older person I am than the younger one I was -- so tied up with worry about all kinds of silly stuff. Self acceptance is a wonderful thing.....

LTS, I don;t think my son is thinking nursing home, I think he is thining murder!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: JennieG
Date: 06 May 07 - 10:17 PM

I reckon as we get older we become the person we were always meant to be. When I was younger I was riddled with self-doubt about lots of things, now I don't give a fairy's fart about them at all. Except my expanding waistline.

And I seem to be turning into a grumpy old woman, and what's more I am enjoying it!

Cheers
JennieG

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 06 May 07 - 10:16 PM

Ah, be kind to your children, they'll choose your nursing home...

And you never know when you might need a spare kidney.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth!
From: TRUBRIT
Date: 06 May 07 - 10:15 PM

Ain't that the truth..........; and I also believe the longer you keep working, the less likely you are to die ......THERE WON'T BE TME.....!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Joe_F
Date: 06 May 07 - 10:11 PM

The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: TRUBRIT
Date: 06 May 07 - 09:54 PM

Great thread!!! I think getting old has its positives - you get to be the parent of really cool young adults who don't scream at you, fight with you, hate you etc etc and seem to genuinely enjoy your company.

Anyway, my future is all settled.....I told my son the other day I intended to live forever, just to piss him off. He responded - mum, if you are still alive by the time you are 90, I am going to have to take steps!!! I calculate I have 32 years left before patricide occurs.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Peace
Date: 06 May 07 - 08:47 PM

Sorry, but a good friend of mine did something similar on his wedding night many decades ago. I could post the story, but I'll change the names to protect my friend. Helluva songwriter he is.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: GUEST
Date: 06 May 07 - 08:45 PM

Last time I crapped by pants was in 5th grade.

Squeezed, puckered my way home.

Timing was crucial. No one home. The hidden key took too long to use...and pants became pooh.

This week, first time ever. In bed .... fifty years later, let a fart and shitted the sheets.

This material is COPYRIGHTED - and may not be used in any comedic performance.

Now THAT pretty well put the kabash on any variation of "I'm not sheet slitter" for all future humorists

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: jacqui.c
Date: 06 May 07 - 12:43 PM

Fingers crossed for you Dave - keep us updated, won't you.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 06 May 07 - 12:36 PM

Right at the moment I am awaiting with interest the lab report on last Wednesday's biopsy of a mass in my mediastinum. That's the space in the center of the chest between the lungs.

The laid-back tone of the previous paragraph is because of several factors:
1. I've enjoyed excellent health for almost all of my 76 years. I seem to have selected the right grandparents.
2. I'm a constitutional optimist, and a stoic, so I don't waste emotional energy on what is unknown and/or beyond my control.
3. My doctor tells me there's about an 80% likelihood that it's a lymphoma.
4. If a lymphoma, there's a substantial possibility that it's benign.
5. Even if it's cancerous, it's highly treatable, says the good Doc.
6. Refer again to #2.

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Donuel
Date: 06 May 07 - 11:56 AM

good tip for the gel palmetto.

There are many prostrate drugs for urination out there like Flomax.

I have a few of my own name inventions, Sleepeez and my all time favorite:
Niagrin.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Donuel
Date: 06 May 07 - 11:34 AM

nope its not

We used to run around from pillar to post and climb up to find those lost items.

Now the search itself is an impass so organization is one solution.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: wysiwyg
Date: 06 May 07 - 11:29 AM

I haven't decided if this is Oldtimer's Disease or more menopause-specific, but I'm so cotton-headed and/or busy that I'm leaving myself more and more clues where to find things I've put away. Like, putting the winter hat and scarf in the drawer where the winter sweaters live instead of in the back of... which closet? Cuz when I rotate the seasonal items, I do remember that drawer.

Maybe this is an early sign of being, as Tony Soprano would say, a complete loopty-loo. Or maybe I'm just getting smarter, and simplifying my life.

Or-- a case of CRS with CRAFT.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Donuel
Date: 06 May 07 - 11:12 AM

I remember Queen for a day and the gong show, now we have who wants to be a Millionaire and American Idol.

We need a next generation of TV tripe.

How about a new version of American Idol -- American Villain

In conjunction with the new Amerikas most wanted, a group of 10 annoying criminals ... be they Enron, Blackwater or spyware execs or Halliburton war profiteers, Each eliminated contestent gets punished a bit more than the last. we narrow it down to the last one who gets executed live on TV.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Donuel
Date: 06 May 07 - 10:59 AM

Don Firth

Acessibility gizmos

sounds like a great theme for a wheel chaired Wile E Coyote

borrowed from the air bag like devices that they use to lift trains, cars etc...

I thought of a raising seat pad on the wheel chair powered by a air compressor that plugs into a cigarette lighter.

IT works great and rises 3 feet up with great stability rods on the chair.

but when Wile E Coyote tries to plug it in the car he can't reach the socket.

I have invented several helping devices with ease probaby due to my dyslexia. 38years ago I devise a cochlear electronic device for the deaf. My forst attempt was howver an external device. It sent signals that confused an entire lobe of the brain. Ever hear of synthesia?

Ideas come to me as easy as reading comes to George Bush.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 May 07 - 10:04 AM

No, that's a guy named Gene Wiggers. Lives down the street from me, in fact. Gene is in his early 70s and is trying to get train service from Montpelier (home of the Oregon Trail Museum) to West Yellowstone as a touriod attraction. There's some right purty country 'long that route....

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Deckman
Date: 06 May 07 - 07:36 AM

Rapaire,

I checked out that video you posted! You shouldn't post such exciting viseos without a better warning. I mean, at my age, the excitment in this film is simply too dangerous. One could die of a heart attack as the climax arrives. Is that YOUR voice I hear on camera? Bob(deckman)Nelson

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: MBSLynne
Date: 06 May 07 - 05:50 AM

Well genetically things look fairly optimistic. My Mum and Dad, as I said, are 81 and 77. Three of my grandparents reached 82, 85 and 94, though the other one died around his early 50s. On my Mum's side, three of my great grandparents got to over 80, the other one dying in her 60s and at least a couple of my Dad's grandparents reached over 80. With better nutrition and medical care these days I figure that, barring accidents I ought to manage a fair age.

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Gurney
Date: 06 May 07 - 01:43 AM

On the brighter side, I was born in 1941, when my relatives and their distant cousins were trying to defeat each other with bombing raids. I survived that (you guessed!) and even the frailties that age brings are still better than the only alternative to being my age.

Jeri, I've been wondering where the hair that is growing in my ears and nose was coming from.   Hmmm.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 05 May 07 - 11:42 PM

Sonnet

Time, that renews the tissues of this frame,
That built the child and hardened the soft bone,
Taught him to wail, to blink, to walk alone,
Stare, question, wonder, give the world a name,
Forget the watery darkness whence he came,
Attends no less the boy to manhood grown,
Brings him new raiment, strips him of his own;
All skins are shed at length, remorse, even shame.

Such hope is mine, if this indeed be true,
I dread no more the first white in my hair,
Or even age itself, the easy shoe,
The cane, the wrinkled hands, the special chair:
Time, doing this to me, may alter too
My sorrow, into something I can bear.

-E. St Vincent Millay

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 May 07 - 09:19 PM

Here's a video for all you old foogies out there -- happened today.

844 arrives.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Deckman
Date: 05 May 07 - 08:20 PM

Trying to follow up on one of Susan's themes: Knowing what I now know, I would do everything possible to caution young men to NEVER consider a full time career in carpentry. It's simply way too hard on your body. And of course this advice really applies to many of the other construction trades, such as roofers, carpet layers, etc. Bob

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: JennieG
Date: 05 May 07 - 06:35 PM

I was put on this earth to accomplish a certain amount....and right now I am so far behind I don't think I can ever die.........!

My grandparents all made it into their 80s but my parents were younger, mother 75, father 70. Can't help wondering sometimes how much longer I have - not being morbid, just curious.

Cheers
JennieG

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Don Firth
Date: 05 May 07 - 04:43 PM

Interesting thread. Thought provoking.

A few of my ruminations on the matter of aging:

I think I have fairly good genes, so I ought to last for a couple more months, anyway. My father died when he was eighty-five. Most of my relatives on my father's side lived well into their eighties or early nineties. Same with my mother's family. She passed away at eighty-nine.

But when it occurs to me that I'll be seventy-six next month and then I do a little arithmetic, I can suddenly feel a bit claustrophobic. I've got a number of unfinished projects going, and I'm gonna have to get crackin'!

I have all my teeth, minus one molar that I had to have extracted (yanked) about two years ago. Decay under the gum-line despite regular check-ups and daily flossing, and by the time my dentist and I discovered it, it was too late for a root-canal. I occasionally take a bit more Metamucil than I used to (which was none), probably because I'm a bit short of exercise—I'm unable to get out and walk the dog every morning (besides, we don't have a dog). But unlike many of my contemporaries, I usually sleep pretty well, and I can sleep all night without having to get up to pee. All sphincters seem to be functioning well—so far. Thank God for major favors!! I sometimes nod off during certain television shows, but that has more to do with the show than with my antiquity.

I've got another factor operating besides age, and it's a little hard to separate what is responsible for which. I had polio when I was two, and I've walked with a leg-brace and crutches all my life. I used to be able to hop along for blocks, lugging a guitar case with me. It was about a mile from the place where I taught guitar to the Blue Moon Tavern, where I often walked after an evening's teaching to have a tall-and-foamy with a few friends before heading home. About eighteen or twenty years ago, I noticed that after going just a couple of blocks, my shoulders were pretty tired. During a regular physical check-up, my quack X-rayed my shoulders. He pointed out that the human shoulder is not designed for the method of locomotion that I'd been using all my life, and my shoulder joints were just simply worn out. He advised me to get myself a wheelchair and use it whenever possible to take the load off my shoulders. "Do it while you still have the choice," he said.

During the time I was dropping into various orthopedic supply stores and kicking the tires on wheelchairs, I took a tumble in the bathroom and busted my left knee (my "good" leg!). When I got out of the cast six weeks later, I had lost sufficient strength in my shoulders and the knee was no longer reliable, so the wheelchair became a necessity rather than an option. And then, almost ten years to the day later, I did the same little fandango again and broke the same leg a second time. Femur. Three weeks in a hospital. I now have a titanium rod in my left leg. I'd probably give metal detectors in airports wall-eyed fits. (Needless to say, I've given up ballet lessons!).

Lifting myself from the wheelchair to the bed or potty and back again takes a bit of effort, but so far, no problem. The big one is getting in and out of the car. This is mainly because of the difference in seat heights. The car seat is about six inches lower that the wheelchair seat. Getting in is not so bad, but getting back out (having to lift myself up that distance) is a real grunter! There have been a couple of times when I wasn't sure I was going to make it. And Barbara just doesn't have the strength to haul me out. As a result, I plan car trips very carefully. What we really need is a minivan with a wheelchair ramp or lift. But that's wa‑a‑a‑a‑a‑ay beyond the budget!

The matter of general accessibility is a whole subject by itself, and doesn't necessarily relate to age. I've written a sort of serio-comic article about a number of accessibility gaffs that I've run into. Pretty good, I think. I'm gonna send it off to a magazine or two and see if I can get it published.

Here's an experiment to try sometime:    assume that you're unable to stand up. Try putting on a pair of pants.

One thing that's a bit grumpy-making is that because of range-of-motion problems with my left shoulder, I can't play a full-size guitar anymore. And sitting in a wheelchair, the lower bout of a standard guitar and the right wheel of the chair want to occupy the same space. Doesn't work. But I have a couple of travel guitars (GO-GWs made by Sam Radding of San Diego) that look a bit like canoe paddles with strings, but they play like a regular guitar, and despite the small soundbox, they sound pretty much line a regular guitar, even if the bass is somewhat "attenuated."

Probably age-related is that I've noticed that I have to lower the keys of some of the songs I sing. The voice still feels strong (actually, I know a lot more about singing than I used to), and people who are not especially inclined to jolly me along tell me that it still sounds good; some say better than ever (that's nice to hear). A top note or two that I used to have to reach for a bit but could hit okay have just gone bye-bye. But I can now go a bit lower than I used to. I'm having to drop several songs from D to C, or C to A, etc.. And many of my guitar accompaniments were pretty carefully worked out, so this means a lot of rearranging. Fortunately, I enjoy this kind of problem-solving.

But I can feel the lead horse drawing time's winged chariot snapping at my rear end. I've got a book that I've been working on for years to finish and get off to a publisher (reminiscences of the Seattle folk scene back when), and, following Bob the Deckman's example, I'm determined to make a CD—maybe a whole bunch of CDs. And Bob and I are planning to do a house concert (actually a church concert—great acoustics, and it can seat about 200 people) this coming fall. Other than singing a couple of duets with Bob and three other songs at the 2003 Northwest Folklife Festival's "Geezer's Concert," I haven't done anything like that since I sang a concert at "The Nightingale" in the early Eighties.

Lots to do.   So I'd better get busy!

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: wysiwyg
Date: 05 May 07 - 04:40 PM

Yes, judgment always looks a little different from the side of the other person, doesn't it? I'm more tolerant as I age, also.

But I didn't mean to imply rubber sheets-- the night remark was in direct response to your seat-down story.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Metchosin
Date: 05 May 07 - 03:29 PM

Well thankfully I haven't had to resort to golf diapers or a rubber cover over the matress.....yet, WYSIWYG. But I once took some satisfaction in my fastidious toilet habits. And to think I used to hold in incredulous contempt the practices of some females when it came to public washrooms and wonder what were they thinking? Now I know....duh. Sometimes everything is engaged except our brains.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: wysiwyg
Date: 05 May 07 - 03:01 PM

Au contraire, Peace; it's but a few months off, some of the things described here. BOLO. You'll know them when ou see them, at least.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 May 07 - 02:45 PM

Why, Peace, you young whippersnapper! You're still wet behind the ears, youngun! Dadgum it, boy, I was toilet trained (mostly) when you was still in didies...now, lessee, where'd I put that...what was I sayin'?

Oh, yeah. I got some implanted teeth too. Damned expensive. Next time I'll just use a mirror and my cordless drill and do it myself, like great-great granddaddy would've.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Peace
Date: 05 May 07 - 02:18 PM

I may have something to add when I get more years behind me. I'm only 59.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Amos
Date: 05 May 07 - 01:23 PM

I am the happy beneficiary of a couple of implanted teeth, and I am delighted with them. I had to walk half-way across Tijuana and back about ten times to get the job done (in exchange for significant cost savings) but the technical expertise and clinical competency was first-rate. If it were only cheaper, I'd get 'em ALL done. They stay where they're put, don't decay, and titanium doesn't get cavities.

I really appreciate the sorry state of affairs expressed by Lynne and others. There's just as much wink-power inside, but the advertising has gone to hell. :D

The other side of it is that all the bright and lovely young people I encounter, even the nicest and smartest, strike me as woefully lacking in experience. I seem to know much more about the world and its ways than they do, I wonder what's wrong with 'em. Then I recall that an awful lot of older folks were very tolerant of my own empty-headed brassiness when I was in my teens and twenties, and offer a small prayer of thanks to them for being so tolerant!! It is really a crackup watching them torque up over situations that seem much less dramatic or difficult to me.

I guess that's why they make managers out of the old farts.

Jeri, I do not know where your pubic hair went. I wasn't watching.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: wysiwyg
Date: 05 May 07 - 01:07 PM

Mets, we cross-posted so I didn't see yours till mine was in.

Just know this-- it is much better to do your trick at home, especially if you have a nice rug permanently installed in the bathroom, and more especially when you are fast asleep, late at night.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Metchosin
Date: 05 May 07 - 01:05 PM

Good question Jeri.....where did you leave it? LOL

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: wysiwyg
Date: 05 May 07 - 01:03 PM

Can we talk about teeth? If you have any, know that your fillings will fall out and your teeth will crack until you buy a dentist a BMW with what you or your insurance company spend on crowns.


Now here at last, I have some REALLY good news.

I had always been scared of dentists, but I got over it. Until the day I went, innocently, to the oral surgeon my insurance would pay for, about 9 years ago. I'm going to pass over the details. Suffice to say that it turned out he'd almost killed a lady in the chair the year before, and he DID kill one the year after. Others came forward about their experiences.... I didn't know any of this when I filed my own affidavit, but my mauling went into the file that got his license permanently yanked, and I walked out of it all with a nice case of PTSD.

Since then our dental benfits and my terror have combined to keep me out of chairs of all similar sorts. I can ALMOST tolerate being tipped back when a hairdresser gets the shampoo out.

But now for the first time our dental benefits are pretty good, and I have met a potentially great dentist for me to try again. I also have a great doc who gave me the Xanax I know I will need to move forward with appointments. Now I just need a driver to get me back and forth for some serious drilling and periodontal work, but I have the first appointmet set up for later this month to discuss what all will be needed and how the benefits will cover the work. My mom was in the busuness, so she's been a great help estimating how long and arduous each procedure will be, so I can plan accordingly. But I am going to outlive my damned teeth and bad gums, by golly! And I don't have any fillings to fall out-- only holes waiting for brand-new fillings.

So there again is a "benefit" of aging-- sometimes the wheel turns, your way.


Regarding Saran Wrap-- geeze, I have a hard enough time using it in the kitchen, so I'll keep it in mind but I dunno....

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Metchosin
Date: 05 May 07 - 01:01 PM

Well I'm still going strong too. LOL…..old age hasn't impaired me, nope, my mind is just fine, thank you very much!..........its just that I have been very busy lately, that I haven't been paying as much attention to little things as I should! At least, that is the excuse I have tried on my family of late, but I don't think they are totally convinced.

After a couple of cups of coffee, I spent way too long in a large building supply store the other evening and was beginning to get very uncomfortable. After a somewhat frantic search, I was so pleased to find an unusually spotless, large empty restroom. As I dropped my pants and looked around the cubicle, for somewhere to put my purse, I carefully hovered my backside over the toilet. It was with considerable relief that I congratulated myself on having made it there, in time, without the tiniest of leaks.

As I pulled up my slacks, I thought, "Oh, oh...... that doesn't feel quite right....a bit too warm for something that has been around my ankles on the cold tile floor..... I turned and looked down and saw a great flood, in my cubicle that was now flowing out under the surrounding partitions and, oh dear….. what's that? a toilet seat lid?.......in the down position…. in my rush, I'd friggin' pissed on the closed lid. LOL

I looked around for paper towels to mop up, only to discover blow dryers and a quick clean up futile, so I pulled my coat down over my now cold and clammy slacks, beat a hasty retreat and hustled my somewhat confused husband out of the store and then broke down in tears of laughter in the parking lot.

A few nights later we went out for dinner and at the end of the evening I paid a quick visit to the ladies room….and I friggin did it again! Fer keeriist sake! When did they start putting lids on public toilets? Twice in less than a week! Fortunately, I was somewhat paying attention to the sound this time and somehow managed a quick mid flow stop, that even I would have been proud of, had I been providing a urine sample.

Now I can't even make a trip to the bathroom at home without some adverse comment from my husband, like, well at least I haven't removed the lids from our toilets yet. And….I'll never bitch that some insensitive male has left the toilet seat up. Yes… the indignities of old age….LOL

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Jeri
Date: 05 May 07 - 12:44 PM

Deckman, as an aside, a neighbor of my mother's got a job in a lumber-selling place. He stacked lumber and moved it around (forklift) and did other physical stuff like that. He did this until he fell at home and hurt his back, which laid him up for a while, and he had a bunch of health problems after that. He was 82.

Can we talk about teeth? If you have any, know that your fillings will fall out and your teeth will crack until you buy a dentist a BMW with what you or your insurance company spend on crowns.

THEN, the ungrateful bastards get unruly. I asked my dentist (the last time I got a crown, about 2 weeks ago) why my front teeth were becoming uneven after years - nay, decades - of being content with their positions. He said, "It's crowding." I said, "Huh? There's nothing pushing on them or anything. The front ones are just moving around in there and pushing each other out of the way!" He said, "Well, yeah [unspoken 'HELLO? DUH!]... it's called crowding. They all try to get in the middle of your jaw and crowd each other. It happens when you get older."

I sensed an unspoken reprimand, "Didn't you read your owner's manual!?"

Just one more secret they're trying to keep...

Stay tuned for the next segment, "Where Has My Pubic Hair Gone, Anyway?"

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: GUEST,AAH
Date: 05 May 07 - 12:22 PM

(This is AAF posting a friend's anonymous contribution)

AAF, thank you for the details. I have experienced the exact same symptoms. I think sometimes it can be a FLART but anecdotally I have concluded it must be Aged Ass-Hole syndrome (AAH).

Is this the precursor to hemorrhoids? These are the important questions facing us today. I will be ***ty-f*ckin-eight this year and I feel like I'm about to have a head-on collision with *0!

AAH

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Donuel
Date: 05 May 07 - 11:35 AM

Susan, I'm serious. A quick fix is as simple as cotton undershirt etc and a wide roll Saran Wrap wrap. I saw a woman who did it and it really works. She said they do it in Europe. I imagaine that with enough collagen regeneration there could be lasting shape retention.
Maximum time of the wrap can be built up to 8 hours depending upon heat and humidity.

The Homeland Security suggestion of duct tape and plastic is a whole different thing.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Deckman
Date: 05 May 07 - 10:21 AM

As a life long carpenter, I've been beating up (badly) on my poor body for 70 years. Every day at work is an athletic event! Digging down, climbing up, falling down, climbing down, using my hands like they were hammers, etc.

Here's my laundry list of body breakdowns and repairs:
a heart remodel;
four months of spine traction;
two hand surgerys;
one new hip;
one foot surgery;
four eye surgerys.

Now for the GOOD part ... I'm still going strong. I really got back into my music 6 months ago, which resulted in two house concerts and my first CD. And, I now have more damned songs constantly popping out of my brain than ever before. And ... I've got TWO serious deck building projects going, and my business phone is ringing off the hook. (mostly from all the doctors that have come to know me ... true).

I'm following in my Father's footsteps, he lived to 95 ... good Finnish genes. (I also am enjoying this thread) CHEERS, Bob(deckman)Nelson

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Dickey
Date: 05 May 07 - 10:00 AM

One thing I have found indispensable is Saw Palmetto. Some nights I would get up 8 times to whizz. I tried the dry product in capsules with mixed results. Then I tried the gel caps with the product dispersed in oil. Now I seldom have to get up at all in the night to take a leak.

There are medications that will do the same thing but read the long list of side affects. I think it is better to use a natural product rather than something cooked up in a chemical lab.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: wysiwyg
Date: 05 May 07 - 09:52 AM

...It will cheer you up...

Now oddly enough, I've also gotten old enough to take the indignities with a dose of humor and appreciation. I know that means there's something wrong with me, but to me it's so clear that I outlived many of my worst fears that I am pretty relaxed about the aging part.

I'm just crabby that no one among my older friends, parishioners, and relatives had the guts to specify what some of the challenges would be, and only pissed and moaned about the totalituy of the aging thing. All they taught me was to be crabby about it! What I needed was information.

But I imagine that, any time now, today's aging standup comics will get around to some informative and hilarious routines about it, so the next generation can have their info that way. I'm just going to focus on telling our own kids what's in store, hopefully without scaring them silly about it.

I did pull that off with one of them-- she has some weight to lose and I told her what will happen to her skin elasticity after a certain age, so that if she waits until then to lose it, her potbelly skin will NOT snap back. That's my regret, if I have any myself-- that I let the mismanagement of several doctors put me past that age.

I am losing weight, and I know it's good for me, and I am NOT asking for help or sympathy with any of it-- but it's discouraging to know that if I lose as much as I could lose, now that I have the process working well, I will have trouble walking, from the skin left over. (Reconstructive surgery will not be an option.) So it's a choice I will have to make-- lose a lot more, or lose some but keep skin tone? And I told her about this in brief but graphic terms, so at least that's ONE person who has a chance to know better.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Donuel
Date: 05 May 07 - 09:38 AM

I wake up and ponder how to turn over without the aid of my left elbow. I reach for my medicine 'Tryopenin' but my hands are too stiff so I drop the bottle. Drat its got a child proof cap. Using 2 hands I wrench it off anyway and take one little pill and put it in my mouth. While looking for some left over coffee to take the pill, I cough sending the pill onto the carpet and into the shadows. With some effort I get down on all fours to look for it when the dog comes over and seems to have found a morsel to eat. Maybe she got a Cheerio or my pill, I don't know. To get on my feet I put my hand on a table for some support and foosh it goes over with the left over coffee splashing me in the face while I now lay flat on the carpet.
Ah Ha there is the little pill .... and I'm off to start a new day.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: MBSLynne
Date: 05 May 07 - 08:41 AM

YES Liz......Just watch your knee caps is all

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 05 May 07 - 06:07 AM

Lynne - it's worse when it's YOUR son the old women over there are ogling...

Or so I'm told. I have that pleasure yet to come with Limpit...

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: GRex
Date: 05 May 07 - 05:45 AM

Topsie
I refuse to answer, it would deflate my ego.
         GRex

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: MBSLynne
Date: 05 May 07 - 05:25 AM

I must say, though I'm just beginning, really, to see that ageing is not fun, I'm not sure I'd like to go back to all the angst and anguish of my teens. I really enjoyned being a teenager, but that side of it wasn't fun and I'm not sad to be rid of it.

Which brings to mind two things I don't like about ageing. I still vividly remember being 15 or so and how wonderful it all seemed to have life ahead. I LOVED life (some of the time). Experience and age tend to make you more cynical and jaded which is a shame.

The other thing is that all my life since I was about 14 one of my chief joys has been the opposite sex. Being a relatively attractive female I guess, I could look at all the fit young men and they would look back, or come and talk or try to get off with me or whatever. Now I look at the fit young men, some of whom are young enough to be my sons, and feel that they would be horrified if they knew the thoughts in the head of the old woman over there. It's a hard lesson to learn.

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Gurney
Date: 05 May 07 - 04:29 AM

Yeah, my pals used to die in accidents, but now they die of age-related diseases.

In a book I was reading, a centenarian was being congratulated on her long life. She wasn't convinced it was so good. "You don't get any more youth than anyone else, you just get an extra dollop of old age!"

Heric, don't buy a vintage Bently. Almost all of them have outlived TWO owners, and in the hands of the third. And still being raced-and-rallied!
Mind you, it's more fun than putting your money in the bank, and a better investment too.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: leeneia
Date: 04 May 07 - 11:50 PM

I have a suggestion. Ruminate on the indignities of childhood for a while. It will cheer you up to realize that you don't have to put up with them anymore. A trade-off, if you will.

Indignities of childhood - injections in the bottom. rectal thermometers. teachers who scold and then tell you you are bad for defending yourself. big kids who tease. being sent to bed when a good party is going on. not being able to see the Lennon sisters because it's bathtime.

On a more serious note, the paper had an article today about a woman who set a pile of clothes on fire inside an apartment and left, leaving her five-year-old stepson in the apartment. (She was angry at her husband, the boy's father.) She told police that she left the child behind because she wasn't his mother and didn't have the right to take him.

How's that for indignity?

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: wysiwyg
Date: 04 May 07 - 05:46 PM

I do have reason to be thankful for the frequent wakeup calls at night.

Me too. If I am not up at least twice in the night, I can hardly move in the AM, I'm so stiff and sore. Twice is enough though, and I think I just about have the evening fluids calculated right.


It takes two of us to remember one name and sometimes that takes quite a while.

Yes, although thank God I can remember, usually, how I know the many, many people I run into in my husband's line of work, and what has passed between us. I remember the person, just not necessarily their name. That's OK-- they don't recall mine either! :~)

As far as outliving our cars-- my mother was quite surprised, but I was even more surprised (in a weird way) when last year it happened that she had outlived her wonderful-when-she-bought-it little red car. She drove herself all the way from Illinois to Californy, all by herself, on her first long road trip solo-- when she moved there after retiring. The rest of the family were worried about her, but I knew she'd have a ball on the trip and she did, carful of cats, lamps, and plants, and all.

But when she got it, she said it would be her last one. We all assumed she'd turn out to be correct. I'm glad she was wrong.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 May 07 - 04:19 PM

All too many of my old friends are dead. Bob, the oldest of my friends, dead of stomach cancer. Tom, dead of an overdose. Steve, dead of throat cancer. Roy, dead of diabetes.

And the list goes on.

And on.

'Course, they're all listenin' to Hendrix and Leadbelly and...well, you know they gotta helluva band.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: GUEST, Topsie
Date: 04 May 07 - 03:11 PM

Can't find any? Or can't find any that fancy you?

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: GRex
Date: 04 May 07 - 02:49 PM

I used to prefer older women, but at 80 I can't find any.                                                                      GRex

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Don Firth
Date: 04 May 07 - 02:30 PM

Oh, what a world of woe and sin!
My head grows bald, but not my chin!
                                 —BurmaShave

Don Firth
(76 next month)

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: emjay
Date: 04 May 07 - 02:17 PM

This is a great thread and I find I am in very good company.
But on folk music Mudcat, no one has mentioned this:
   Songs I remember in what most certainly was there first incarnation and now being resurrected as "Old folk tunes."
I do have reason to be thankful for the frequent wakeup calls at night. About 4 years ago, the other half got up during the night and realized he was smelling smoke. Looked around and found the top of a coffee table in the living room ablaze. A forgotten candle had started it, we got it out with a few pitchers of water but not before mini-blinds on windows had softened and drooped, the fake Christmas tree had done the same and the plants had been killed by the heat.
Forgetfulness associated with age may have caused it, but frequent wakeup calls got us up in time.
I can't think of anything else I am grateful for, though.
It takes two of us to remember one name and sometimes that takes quite a while.
Not only does skin wrinkle, it tears and bruises easily.
And the aches and pains. My 12-years younger brother tells me that if a 21-year-old woke up feeling the way he does every day, he would take himself to the emergency room in a hurry.
And all my friends seem to be old people.
Martie, 70

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: MBSLynne
Date: 04 May 07 - 01:51 PM

Trouble is, my mind won't accept that my body is getting older. I always used to think of people over 50 as being of my parents' generation.....and I still do. It's a terrible shock to realize, sometimes that people I'm thinking of like that are actually younger than me!

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: heric
Date: 04 May 07 - 12:20 PM

No doubt my '88 Accord will outlive me.

"This old Accord ain't mine to keep - It's only mine for a while"




>young folk all look the same< good one

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 May 07 - 12:16 PM

I fully intend to outlive myself.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Bill D
Date: 04 May 07 - 12:10 PM

It's not as memorable a line, but I think I am gonna outlive my teeth!

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: GUEST, Topsie
Date: 04 May 07 - 11:39 AM

One thing I have noticed is that until recently I could tell young people apart, but older people all looked much the same.
Now I find I can tell older people apart, but young folk all look the same.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: wysiwyg
Date: 04 May 07 - 10:46 AM

We failed to forsee the possibility of people outliving their assholes.

If only my aging memory will allow me to remember this line forever! :~)

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: MBSLynne
Date: 04 May 07 - 05:55 AM

It felt a bit like it Liz!

My Mum and Dad are 81 and 78 respectively. Mum has a slightly weak ankle so tends to topple over sometimes and she has high blood pressure, but other than that she is fine. Dad has diabetes and has had tumours removed from his bladder but is also fine otherwise. The year before last they went to Los Angeles for Mum's 80th (from Australia) and then came here, muttering about it being their last travelling... later this year they are off to California again for my brother's wedding.

On the other hand, Ted's Mum is 82, in a care home and with hardly any short term memory left. She is waiting to die, as she herself will tell you. It is so sad as she was such a strong and dominant woman.

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 04 May 07 - 03:44 AM

Sounds good Lynne, but lets face it AdlZ isn't exactly a Marathon course is it?!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: MBSLynne
Date: 04 May 07 - 03:42 AM

This Mickey person seems to be very quick to get upset and take offence and then be thoroughly nasty to people. Perhaps it's the crabbiness of old age?

Well I'm 55 and pretty fit really. In a hurry to get to wave my son off on a bus when he was going to Germany, I RAN all the way from one end of Ashby de la Zouch to the other. I was quite pleased with that, but the fact that after only a minute or two when I reached my destination my breathing was back to normal made me feel even better. Having said that, I suffer from twinges now for no apparent reason and I'm not nearly as pliable as I was. Sometimes hard to know if 'symtoms' are caused by the stresses of a hectic life or ageing, diabetes, or all or any of these things.

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: dianavan
Date: 04 May 07 - 03:30 AM

Is this butt hole problem just for men or are women also included? I notice that its men that are doing the complaining and since I don't have this problem, I'm hoping its strictly a male phenomena. I do notice that the farts are getting a little wild. I used to have more warning. Now it seems they just do their own thing and happen at the most peculiar times. I'm hoping I don't get kicked out of yoga classes for farting at inappropriate times. I must admit it kinda ruins the aesthetics but when you're all twisted up in odd positions, what do they expect?

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: John on the Sunset Coast
Date: 03 May 07 - 10:51 PM

Well, he did write, "Quick, Henry, the Flit!" so I guess he could write other adult oriented material. By the way that advert was very big in the 1930s.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Donuel
Date: 03 May 07 - 10:07 PM

Dr. Seuss On Aging


I cannot see
I cannot pee
I cannot chew
I cannot screw
Oh My God.What can I do?

DID HE REALLY WRITE THIS

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: John on the Sunset Coast
Date: 03 May 07 - 09:54 PM

Mrs. John and I are currently 'enjoying' our mid and late 60s respectively. We watch my mother and her cousins (all late 70s to late 80s) flail at keeping it going. To tell the truth, we're not sure we'll have their gumption when the time comes.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 03 May 07 - 09:42 PM

I like the sound of the Corkomatic... .does it work for farting?

Growing old is compulsory, growing UP is optional!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Jeri
Date: 03 May 07 - 09:34 PM

A local guy had a few rules which he likely got from someone else.
1) Never pass up an opportunity to pee
2) Never trust a fart
3) Never waste a hard-on

First, it was being told it was normal for short-distance vision to go to hell starting around 40. I protested. Surely someone would have informed me before it happened to me! I felt this wasn't fair, and that if parts weren't guaranteed for the life of the... life, there should be a warning in the owner's manual. Heck, I didn't even GET an owner's manual!

Ok, so there was the the vision thing, which was only the tip of the iceberg. As I got older, I found that I had to cut back on the coffee unless I wanted to be awake and bouncing off the walls at 3AM.

Then there was the menopause thing. The worst thing about that for me was gaining a lot of weight and waking up to bounce off the walls at 4 or 5 AM after not going to sleep (because of bouncing off the walls) until midnight or 2 or 3AM. I was NEVER a 'morning person', and now I can drive other morning people nuts. Then there's getting up to pee at various offensive times during the night. It's not that I have a wimpy bladder or obsess about having to pee, but it seems my kidneys go into overdrive when I go horizontal and unconscious. I suppose waking up to pee a couple times a night isn't as bad as NOT waking up.

Stuff hurts for no reason, except maybe because I gained a bunch of weight and stuff hurts more when you're pissed off about not sleeping because of bouncing off the walls. I'm fine when I excercise regularly, but if I don't, my muscle tone goes to hell in about 2 hours. It formerly maintained a more appropriate sort of baseline.

Yes, we should talk about butt-holes. If we were made by a large people manufacturer, they'd probably have to do a recall. You know, like

ACME Incarnation, Inc. has announced a recall for all models of human bodies. It was discovered that the assholes [PN(_o_)] on some models can fail without warning. They may lock in the closed or open position, open unexpectedly, or leak. ACME is working on a replacement model, but until testing can be completed, we will be issuing temporary solutions 1) the Dyedeepoo™ disposable anal leakage absorption device, and/or 2) the Corkomatic™

We apologize for the inconvenience. We failed to forsee the possibility of people outliving their assholes.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Joe_F
Date: 03 May 07 - 09:09 PM

At 69, I have had more luck & still have more hair than I deserve, but here are my observations so far:

Before you do anything, you have to do something else, usually piss.

Something that lasts a long time (say, a blanket) wears out, and you
buy a new one, perhaps for the last time.

The hair on top of your head, if any, is too sparse to hold back the
hair in front, if any.

The president of the United States is younger than you are.

You get an extra meal when you floss your teeth.

You see an obituary and say "Was that old bastard still alive?"

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: GUEST,Art Thieme
Date: 03 May 07 - 09:00 PM

If it wasn't for time, we'd have to do everything all at once.

And you can quote me.

The more things change, the more they get different. (And it hurts too.)

Art Thieme

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: SINSULL
Date: 03 May 07 - 09:00 PM

And here I was agonizing over a few chin hairs.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Dickey
Date: 03 May 07 - 08:53 PM

Dr. Seuss On Aging


I cannot see
I cannot pee
I cannot chew
I cannot screw
Oh My God.What can I do?

My memory shrinks
My hearing stinks
No sense of smell
I look like hell
My mood is bad-can you tell?

My body's drooping
Have trouble pooping
The Golden Years have come at last
The Golden Years can kiss my ass.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: GUEST,AAF
Date: 03 May 07 - 07:24 PM

My goodness! I didn't say I pooed my pants, I only said my butt leaks a little.

Apparently a few others are having the same problem!

AAF

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: heric
Date: 03 May 07 - 07:05 PM

It's the springtime of your senescence -- when skid marks become accidents.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Mickey191
Date: 03 May 07 - 07:03 PM

AAF-My advice: PUT A PLUG IN IT!

If you are walking around & mixing with people, with the problem you described in such detail, I suggest you have a seat. The "Old Man Smell" must be very trying on those near you.

And you are correct-this is the wrong thread for me.
CIAO.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 03 May 07 - 07:01 PM

"growing old together" is NOT a worthwhile aspiration.

I am, although I blame the hospital that screwed up, very relieved to be free of Jacqui's drawn out terminal sufferings, as they would have been.

I plan to carry on being a senile delinquent. If I am really really lucky, tomorrow night I will get to trade mandolin licks with a guitarist who has headlined the Albert Hall twice with two different bands, Madison Gardens, and the Leisure Lounge.

He will win, but shit who cares... to have done it!

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Don Firth
Date: 03 May 07 - 06:24 PM

What d'ya mean I'm "over the hill?"   I don't remember any hill.

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 May 07 - 06:07 PM

Yeah, the alternative, youth, wasn't all that great either.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: GUEST,AAF
Date: 03 May 07 - 06:01 PM

The way I read the opening post, we're invited to tell all. Anybody who has a problem with that is in the wrong thread!

AAF

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 03 May 07 - 05:54 PM

Oh yes. I'd much rather be over the hill than under it.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Peace
Date: 03 May 07 - 04:53 PM

Old age may cause some difficulties, but it's usually better than the alternative.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: dianavan
Date: 03 May 07 - 04:27 PM

"But who else is gonna tell us?!?!?!?"

My mother does a pretty good job of that and it ain't pretty.

Indignaties? Past a certain age, I'm not sure if you have any. Maybe its modesty that flies out the window but I am always amazed at what remains important and what doesn't.

For my mom, it is no longer important whether or not she is clothed but if she is clothed, the blouse has to ironed! I'm sorry but I just can't get used to my mom butt naked, going to the bathroom in her walker and sick of her complaining about the wrinkle on her collar. Believe it or not, I've had her mental health checked many times and she is, according to her doctors, capable of making her own decisions!

On top of all this, she has perfectly manicured nails and her hair is perfectly coifed. I guess its the public appearance that is important. At home the birthday suit is her preference.

The walker doesn't slow her down very much and the pendulous breasts and the sagging skin have a rhythm all their own. I don't need to be clued in! I can take a real good look whenever I want.

As for myself, I've taken up yoga. I've decided that I'm not concerned about fat but I am concerned about flexibility and strength. Hopefully, the muscle tone will take up some of the slack.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Mickey191
Date: 03 May 07 - 04:03 PM

Did not realize that was a warning---as I've seen that expression countless times here. Usually leaves one laughing or atleast smiling.

The warning should have been stronger.

Good Luck.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: PoppaGator
Date: 03 May 07 - 03:46 PM

AAF very considerately issued a warning before going into detail about pooing his pants.

Mickey191 (and other similarly sensitive souls), you have no grounds for complait; you were curious enough to read on even after being given notice, so ~ lighten up!

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 03 May 07 - 03:29 PM

I have a pain in my neck, but she's downstairs at the moment!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Kim C
Date: 03 May 07 - 03:19 PM

Oy! I'm only 39 and already I got a pain in my neck, a pain in my shoulder, a pain in my wrist, and the perimenopause. Dammit.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 03 May 07 - 03:17 PM

I want to know what does God have in store for me in my old age that I need to start growing hair on my elbows now?

I was always taught to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder to find any... until I log in here and feel like a teenager again!!





















But where would I find one at this time of day?!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 May 07 - 03:17 PM

Speaking of skid-marked clothing, I've gotta learn Linux and relearn Unix. Damn, I thought I had all that behind me.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: MMario
Date: 03 May 07 - 03:15 PM

after a very depressing projection during childhood as male relatives dropped like flies at an early age - on BOTH sides of the family; it's nice that my parents are both quite healthy at 87 and 90, but especially so my Dad. (in fact at his 90th b-day recently we were all congratulating ourselves on picking the right parents)

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Mickey191
Date: 03 May 07 - 03:13 PM

DID we really need to know this? And in such detail?

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Donuel
Date: 03 May 07 - 03:06 PM

And don't forget if you run all out for 40 yards, the ankle you broke 40 years ago will hurt like you broke it 4 minutes ago, 4 days after you ran.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: GUEST,AAF (Another Aging Folkie)
Date: 03 May 07 - 02:41 PM

So I shouldn't mention my skid-marked drawers?

I'll be damned-- yes.

Since you failed to specify the particulars, I will go into detail. You can stop reading now, or at least you may wish to put your coffee down.

I can wipe post-poop and find that I am totally clean, and then an hour later, I'm not, and it burns and itches. I mean, I am rigorously particular about keeping that area clean, and I have the washcloths and empty generic Cetaphil (no rinse, no burn) to prove it.

I can be squeaky clean and then, very soon after, not so clean. I can't remember if I farted in between; maybe that's the mechanism of the leak. (Rename them flarts?)

But this is a new thing in the last year. So it must be a function of aging sphincter muscle, and it must be why adult wipes are now widely available in stores in purse packs! (We feel alone, but are never really alone?)

It is definitely not a function of diet. I'm so full of the right kinds of fiber that there should be no loose matter. I think it sweats in there. But that also would explain the elderly's apparent modern obsession with fiber. They just aren't telling us why. And this may also account for the frequent musty old-man smell.

Just one of the privileges of getting older.

It's like that damned menopause-- they've been too shy to tell us the whole sordid story too.

Damn it to hell! I AM going to work out an exercise for that
sphincter muscle, and when I do I am going to talk about it. Shit, all that work I did to stop being such a tightass, now it's gotta go the other way.

Here's to tighter asses,

AAF

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Wesley S
Date: 03 May 07 - 01:31 PM

So I shouldn't mention my skid-marked drawers?

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: PoppaGator
Date: 03 May 07 - 01:24 PM

Thanks, Wesley, and everyone else who undoubtedly sympathizes and need not add a comment.

I hope I didn't bring y'all down too badly ~ this thread could have remained lighthearted, with discussions of silly minor memory lapses, skid-marked drawers, can't-get-it-up disease, etc.

Just noticed I had caps-lock on when making a few little edits to my post; oops! (Another sign of aging, I suppose.)

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Amos
Date: 03 May 07 - 01:24 PM

Second that, PoppaG; it sounds like a rough row indeed.

My mother in law is 84 and as full of bright vim as anyone could ask, a life full of friends and projects and things to get done. She is an awesome example, having healed herself of numerous things over the years just by dietary care, exercise, and attitude.

For my own part, I feel quite young, much less antique than my mubers indicate, except for a certain stiffness in the auld back from time to time. I have plenty of itneresting pursuits that I expect will keep me chugging along after I retire, but for now, that still a bit in the future. The only sign of age that bothers me, really, is...well, I forget, but anyway...(just kidding)...my eyes are less sharp than they were, and I may need to get new lenses in a few months or a year -- not glasses but actual lenses in the eyes.

Aside from that I guess I am aging as well as can be expected, and as for mortality, I am not particularly worried at this point. I have had a few clos ebrushes over the years, and my sense is that whatever way it happens, it will be an interesting adventure, not an overhwelming loss, and I expect to be interested as hell in watching it happen.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Wesley S
Date: 03 May 07 - 01:14 PM

Our thoughts are with you PoppaGator.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 03 May 07 - 12:49 PM

Well, what you lack in energy you make for in decrepitude.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: PoppaGator
Date: 03 May 07 - 12:45 PM

Truly realizing that you're gonna die is a hard and slow lesson to learn.

I got through a nasty bout with cancer a couple of years ago without ever seriously considering THAT my end might be near. (Actually, it was the treatment that was really debilitating, moreso than the disease itself, but it worked.) I was told from the git-go that the recovery rate from my type of cancer (in the neck, on the right tonsil) was very promising, but thAt the treatment was especially difficult. I never doubted that I'd recover, and indeed the predictions were correct.

My dear sweet wife just got a terminal diagnosis of Primary Progressive Aphasia, a relatively rare degenerate neurological condition with no known cause and no known treatment. She is slowly losing her abilty to speak as her brain is atrophying and shrinking, starting with the speech center. She has at least six years to live, and with luck as many as 18-20, but no real prospects of getting any better. This is NOT dementia, at least not until the final stages; she can think, reason, remember, function, etc., but just can't find the words to express what she'd like to say, and so she's beginnning to appear demented to strangers (and even to friends who don't yet understand).

We've been married since 1973, always got along fine (in contrast to so many other couples), still look and feel much younger than our actual ages (54 & 59), and always looked forward to growing old together. Now it looks like she's going to grow old in a hurry and then I'll have to grow even older without her.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Bert
Date: 03 May 07 - 12:21 PM

Ha Bill D, I'm older than you!!! I was 68 a few weeks ago. I'm not doing too badly though, I tried to get an old farts discount last week and the clerk asked "Are you 55"?

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: skipy
Date: 03 May 07 - 12:12 PM

I'm wearing quite badly for 9!
Skipy

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Leadfingers
Date: 03 May 07 - 12:08 PM

DONT act your age -- Act your shoe size !

I am currently trying to work UP to 7 1/2

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Bill D
Date: 03 May 07 - 11:57 AM

I am still trying to decide whether I am pleased that clerks now give me the 'senior discount' without asking.

   I think the most frustrating aspect of aging (so far) is sleep problems. I can't be sure how much of it is physical and how much is mental turmoil over schedules, finances, etc...but I don't get to sleep easily, I don't stay asleep long enough, and I suffer more from lack of sleep than I used to.

(Fortunately, I do NOT have to get up several times a night to pee! Yet.)

oh..for reference, I'll be 68 in several weeks.

and for what it's worth, I think the last 10 years of organizing my thoughts on Mudcat have been good for me generally.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 May 07 - 11:54 AM

Well, I'm 62 and I can only say...it all Depends.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Wesley S
Date: 03 May 07 - 11:25 AM

I picked up Brendan at his new daycare yesterday. He's 6 and I'm 55 {until the end of June}. I was asked if I was his grandfather - but I guess I have to expect that. I'm just glad I was able to laugh about it.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Bill D
Date: 03 May 07 - 11:20 AM

Oh, there are very few serious problems with.....ummmm....what was the question?

Subject: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: wysiwyg
Date: 03 May 07 - 11:14 AM

Over the years, my sister (who is 4 years older than I) has asked me a number of questions to determine if what she is experiencing is "normal."

I'm beginning to suspect, myself, that people tend to tapdance around the realities of the indignities that go along with aging. But who else is gonna tell us?!?!?!? IMO, you old folks have a responsibility to clue aging pals in on what we face.


So I'll be logging out for my subsequent posts in this thread, and I bet y'all will too. But when this becomes a Getaway workshop topic, I WILL show up to lead it (yes I'll take the scholarship), because on THIS one I can keep the laughter going in a safe way so we can all reduce our embarrassment!

~Susan