BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: emjay
Date: 04 May 07 - 02:17 PM

This is a great thread and I find I am in very good company.
But on folk music Mudcat, no one has mentioned this:
   Songs I remember in what most certainly was there first incarnation and now being resurrected as "Old folk tunes."
I do have reason to be thankful for the frequent wakeup calls at night. About 4 years ago, the other half got up during the night and realized he was smelling smoke. Looked around and found the top of a coffee table in the living room ablaze. A forgotten candle had started it, we got it out with a few pitchers of water but not before mini-blinds on windows had softened and drooped, the fake Christmas tree had done the same and the plants had been killed by the heat.
Forgetfulness associated with age may have caused it, but frequent wakeup calls got us up in time.
I can't think of anything else I am grateful for, though.
It takes two of us to remember one name and sometimes that takes quite a while.
Not only does skin wrinkle, it tears and bruises easily.
And the aches and pains. My 12-years younger brother tells me that if a 21-year-old woke up feeling the way he does every day, he would take himself to the emergency room in a hurry.
And all my friends seem to be old people.
Martie, 70

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: MBSLynne
Date: 04 May 07 - 01:51 PM

Trouble is, my mind won't accept that my body is getting older. I always used to think of people over 50 as being of my parents' generation.....and I still do. It's a terrible shock to realize, sometimes that people I'm thinking of like that are actually younger than me!

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: heric
Date: 04 May 07 - 12:20 PM

No doubt my '88 Accord will outlive me.

"This old Accord ain't mine to keep - It's only mine for a while"




>young folk all look the same< good one

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 May 07 - 12:16 PM

I fully intend to outlive myself.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Bill D
Date: 04 May 07 - 12:10 PM

It's not as memorable a line, but I think I am gonna outlive my teeth!

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: GUEST, Topsie
Date: 04 May 07 - 11:39 AM

One thing I have noticed is that until recently I could tell young people apart, but older people all looked much the same.
Now I find I can tell older people apart, but young folk all look the same.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: wysiwyg
Date: 04 May 07 - 10:46 AM

We failed to forsee the possibility of people outliving their assholes.

If only my aging memory will allow me to remember this line forever! :~)

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: MBSLynne
Date: 04 May 07 - 05:55 AM

It felt a bit like it Liz!

My Mum and Dad are 81 and 78 respectively. Mum has a slightly weak ankle so tends to topple over sometimes and she has high blood pressure, but other than that she is fine. Dad has diabetes and has had tumours removed from his bladder but is also fine otherwise. The year before last they went to Los Angeles for Mum's 80th (from Australia) and then came here, muttering about it being their last travelling... later this year they are off to California again for my brother's wedding.

On the other hand, Ted's Mum is 82, in a care home and with hardly any short term memory left. She is waiting to die, as she herself will tell you. It is so sad as she was such a strong and dominant woman.

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 04 May 07 - 03:44 AM

Sounds good Lynne, but lets face it AdlZ isn't exactly a Marathon course is it?!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: MBSLynne
Date: 04 May 07 - 03:42 AM

This Mickey person seems to be very quick to get upset and take offence and then be thoroughly nasty to people. Perhaps it's the crabbiness of old age?

Well I'm 55 and pretty fit really. In a hurry to get to wave my son off on a bus when he was going to Germany, I RAN all the way from one end of Ashby de la Zouch to the other. I was quite pleased with that, but the fact that after only a minute or two when I reached my destination my breathing was back to normal made me feel even better. Having said that, I suffer from twinges now for no apparent reason and I'm not nearly as pliable as I was. Sometimes hard to know if 'symtoms' are caused by the stresses of a hectic life or ageing, diabetes, or all or any of these things.

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: dianavan
Date: 04 May 07 - 03:30 AM

Is this butt hole problem just for men or are women also included? I notice that its men that are doing the complaining and since I don't have this problem, I'm hoping its strictly a male phenomena. I do notice that the farts are getting a little wild. I used to have more warning. Now it seems they just do their own thing and happen at the most peculiar times. I'm hoping I don't get kicked out of yoga classes for farting at inappropriate times. I must admit it kinda ruins the aesthetics but when you're all twisted up in odd positions, what do they expect?

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: John on the Sunset Coast
Date: 03 May 07 - 10:51 PM

Well, he did write, "Quick, Henry, the Flit!" so I guess he could write other adult oriented material. By the way that advert was very big in the 1930s.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Donuel
Date: 03 May 07 - 10:07 PM

Dr. Seuss On Aging


I cannot see
I cannot pee
I cannot chew
I cannot screw
Oh My God.What can I do?

DID HE REALLY WRITE THIS

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: John on the Sunset Coast
Date: 03 May 07 - 09:54 PM

Mrs. John and I are currently 'enjoying' our mid and late 60s respectively. We watch my mother and her cousins (all late 70s to late 80s) flail at keeping it going. To tell the truth, we're not sure we'll have their gumption when the time comes.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 03 May 07 - 09:42 PM

I like the sound of the Corkomatic... .does it work for farting?

Growing old is compulsory, growing UP is optional!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Jeri
Date: 03 May 07 - 09:34 PM

A local guy had a few rules which he likely got from someone else.
1) Never pass up an opportunity to pee
2) Never trust a fart
3) Never waste a hard-on

First, it was being told it was normal for short-distance vision to go to hell starting around 40. I protested. Surely someone would have informed me before it happened to me! I felt this wasn't fair, and that if parts weren't guaranteed for the life of the... life, there should be a warning in the owner's manual. Heck, I didn't even GET an owner's manual!

Ok, so there was the the vision thing, which was only the tip of the iceberg. As I got older, I found that I had to cut back on the coffee unless I wanted to be awake and bouncing off the walls at 3AM.

Then there was the menopause thing. The worst thing about that for me was gaining a lot of weight and waking up to bounce off the walls at 4 or 5 AM after not going to sleep (because of bouncing off the walls) until midnight or 2 or 3AM. I was NEVER a 'morning person', and now I can drive other morning people nuts. Then there's getting up to pee at various offensive times during the night. It's not that I have a wimpy bladder or obsess about having to pee, but it seems my kidneys go into overdrive when I go horizontal and unconscious. I suppose waking up to pee a couple times a night isn't as bad as NOT waking up.

Stuff hurts for no reason, except maybe because I gained a bunch of weight and stuff hurts more when you're pissed off about not sleeping because of bouncing off the walls. I'm fine when I excercise regularly, but if I don't, my muscle tone goes to hell in about 2 hours. It formerly maintained a more appropriate sort of baseline.

Yes, we should talk about butt-holes. If we were made by a large people manufacturer, they'd probably have to do a recall. You know, like

ACME Incarnation, Inc. has announced a recall for all models of human bodies. It was discovered that the assholes [PN(_o_)] on some models can fail without warning. They may lock in the closed or open position, open unexpectedly, or leak. ACME is working on a replacement model, but until testing can be completed, we will be issuing temporary solutions 1) the Dyedeepoo™ disposable anal leakage absorption device, and/or 2) the Corkomatic™

We apologize for the inconvenience. We failed to forsee the possibility of people outliving their assholes.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Joe_F
Date: 03 May 07 - 09:09 PM

At 69, I have had more luck & still have more hair than I deserve, but here are my observations so far:

Before you do anything, you have to do something else, usually piss.

Something that lasts a long time (say, a blanket) wears out, and you
buy a new one, perhaps for the last time.

The hair on top of your head, if any, is too sparse to hold back the
hair in front, if any.

The president of the United States is younger than you are.

You get an extra meal when you floss your teeth.

You see an obituary and say "Was that old bastard still alive?"

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: GUEST,Art Thieme
Date: 03 May 07 - 09:00 PM

If it wasn't for time, we'd have to do everything all at once.

And you can quote me.

The more things change, the more they get different. (And it hurts too.)

Art Thieme

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: SINSULL
Date: 03 May 07 - 09:00 PM

And here I was agonizing over a few chin hairs.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Dickey
Date: 03 May 07 - 08:53 PM

Dr. Seuss On Aging


I cannot see
I cannot pee
I cannot chew
I cannot screw
Oh My God.What can I do?

My memory shrinks
My hearing stinks
No sense of smell
I look like hell
My mood is bad-can you tell?

My body's drooping
Have trouble pooping
The Golden Years have come at last
The Golden Years can kiss my ass.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: GUEST,AAF
Date: 03 May 07 - 07:24 PM

My goodness! I didn't say I pooed my pants, I only said my butt leaks a little.

Apparently a few others are having the same problem!

AAF

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: heric
Date: 03 May 07 - 07:05 PM

It's the springtime of your senescence -- when skid marks become accidents.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Mickey191
Date: 03 May 07 - 07:03 PM

AAF-My advice: PUT A PLUG IN IT!

If you are walking around & mixing with people, with the problem you described in such detail, I suggest you have a seat. The "Old Man Smell" must be very trying on those near you.

And you are correct-this is the wrong thread for me.
CIAO.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 03 May 07 - 07:01 PM

"growing old together" is NOT a worthwhile aspiration.

I am, although I blame the hospital that screwed up, very relieved to be free of Jacqui's drawn out terminal sufferings, as they would have been.

I plan to carry on being a senile delinquent. If I am really really lucky, tomorrow night I will get to trade mandolin licks with a guitarist who has headlined the Albert Hall twice with two different bands, Madison Gardens, and the Leisure Lounge.

He will win, but shit who cares... to have done it!

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Don Firth
Date: 03 May 07 - 06:24 PM

What d'ya mean I'm "over the hill?"   I don't remember any hill.

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 May 07 - 06:07 PM

Yeah, the alternative, youth, wasn't all that great either.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: GUEST,AAF
Date: 03 May 07 - 06:01 PM

The way I read the opening post, we're invited to tell all. Anybody who has a problem with that is in the wrong thread!

AAF

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 03 May 07 - 05:54 PM

Oh yes. I'd much rather be over the hill than under it.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Peace
Date: 03 May 07 - 04:53 PM

Old age may cause some difficulties, but it's usually better than the alternative.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: dianavan
Date: 03 May 07 - 04:27 PM

"But who else is gonna tell us?!?!?!?"

My mother does a pretty good job of that and it ain't pretty.

Indignaties? Past a certain age, I'm not sure if you have any. Maybe its modesty that flies out the window but I am always amazed at what remains important and what doesn't.

For my mom, it is no longer important whether or not she is clothed but if she is clothed, the blouse has to ironed! I'm sorry but I just can't get used to my mom butt naked, going to the bathroom in her walker and sick of her complaining about the wrinkle on her collar. Believe it or not, I've had her mental health checked many times and she is, according to her doctors, capable of making her own decisions!

On top of all this, she has perfectly manicured nails and her hair is perfectly coifed. I guess its the public appearance that is important. At home the birthday suit is her preference.

The walker doesn't slow her down very much and the pendulous breasts and the sagging skin have a rhythm all their own. I don't need to be clued in! I can take a real good look whenever I want.

As for myself, I've taken up yoga. I've decided that I'm not concerned about fat but I am concerned about flexibility and strength. Hopefully, the muscle tone will take up some of the slack.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Mickey191
Date: 03 May 07 - 04:03 PM

Did not realize that was a warning---as I've seen that expression countless times here. Usually leaves one laughing or atleast smiling.

The warning should have been stronger.

Good Luck.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: PoppaGator
Date: 03 May 07 - 03:46 PM

AAF very considerately issued a warning before going into detail about pooing his pants.

Mickey191 (and other similarly sensitive souls), you have no grounds for complait; you were curious enough to read on even after being given notice, so ~ lighten up!

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 03 May 07 - 03:29 PM

I have a pain in my neck, but she's downstairs at the moment!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Kim C
Date: 03 May 07 - 03:19 PM

Oy! I'm only 39 and already I got a pain in my neck, a pain in my shoulder, a pain in my wrist, and the perimenopause. Dammit.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 03 May 07 - 03:17 PM

I want to know what does God have in store for me in my old age that I need to start growing hair on my elbows now?

I was always taught to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder to find any... until I log in here and feel like a teenager again!!





















But where would I find one at this time of day?!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 May 07 - 03:17 PM

Speaking of skid-marked clothing, I've gotta learn Linux and relearn Unix. Damn, I thought I had all that behind me.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: MMario
Date: 03 May 07 - 03:15 PM

after a very depressing projection during childhood as male relatives dropped like flies at an early age - on BOTH sides of the family; it's nice that my parents are both quite healthy at 87 and 90, but especially so my Dad. (in fact at his 90th b-day recently we were all congratulating ourselves on picking the right parents)

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Mickey191
Date: 03 May 07 - 03:13 PM

DID we really need to know this? And in such detail?

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Donuel
Date: 03 May 07 - 03:06 PM

And don't forget if you run all out for 40 yards, the ankle you broke 40 years ago will hurt like you broke it 4 minutes ago, 4 days after you ran.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: GUEST,AAF (Another Aging Folkie)
Date: 03 May 07 - 02:41 PM

So I shouldn't mention my skid-marked drawers?

I'll be damned-- yes.

Since you failed to specify the particulars, I will go into detail. You can stop reading now, or at least you may wish to put your coffee down.

I can wipe post-poop and find that I am totally clean, and then an hour later, I'm not, and it burns and itches. I mean, I am rigorously particular about keeping that area clean, and I have the washcloths and empty generic Cetaphil (no rinse, no burn) to prove it.

I can be squeaky clean and then, very soon after, not so clean. I can't remember if I farted in between; maybe that's the mechanism of the leak. (Rename them flarts?)

But this is a new thing in the last year. So it must be a function of aging sphincter muscle, and it must be why adult wipes are now widely available in stores in purse packs! (We feel alone, but are never really alone?)

It is definitely not a function of diet. I'm so full of the right kinds of fiber that there should be no loose matter. I think it sweats in there. But that also would explain the elderly's apparent modern obsession with fiber. They just aren't telling us why. And this may also account for the frequent musty old-man smell.

Just one of the privileges of getting older.

It's like that damned menopause-- they've been too shy to tell us the whole sordid story too.

Damn it to hell! I AM going to work out an exercise for that
sphincter muscle, and when I do I am going to talk about it. Shit, all that work I did to stop being such a tightass, now it's gotta go the other way.

Here's to tighter asses,

AAF

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Wesley S
Date: 03 May 07 - 01:31 PM

So I shouldn't mention my skid-marked drawers?

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: PoppaGator
Date: 03 May 07 - 01:24 PM

Thanks, Wesley, and everyone else who undoubtedly sympathizes and need not add a comment.

I hope I didn't bring y'all down too badly ~ this thread could have remained lighthearted, with discussions of silly minor memory lapses, skid-marked drawers, can't-get-it-up disease, etc.

Just noticed I had caps-lock on when making a few little edits to my post; oops! (Another sign of aging, I suppose.)

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Amos
Date: 03 May 07 - 01:24 PM

Second that, PoppaG; it sounds like a rough row indeed.

My mother in law is 84 and as full of bright vim as anyone could ask, a life full of friends and projects and things to get done. She is an awesome example, having healed herself of numerous things over the years just by dietary care, exercise, and attitude.

For my own part, I feel quite young, much less antique than my mubers indicate, except for a certain stiffness in the auld back from time to time. I have plenty of itneresting pursuits that I expect will keep me chugging along after I retire, but for now, that still a bit in the future. The only sign of age that bothers me, really, is...well, I forget, but anyway...(just kidding)...my eyes are less sharp than they were, and I may need to get new lenses in a few months or a year -- not glasses but actual lenses in the eyes.

Aside from that I guess I am aging as well as can be expected, and as for mortality, I am not particularly worried at this point. I have had a few clos ebrushes over the years, and my sense is that whatever way it happens, it will be an interesting adventure, not an overhwelming loss, and I expect to be interested as hell in watching it happen.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Wesley S
Date: 03 May 07 - 01:14 PM

Our thoughts are with you PoppaGator.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 03 May 07 - 12:49 PM

Well, what you lack in energy you make for in decrepitude.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: PoppaGator
Date: 03 May 07 - 12:45 PM

Truly realizing that you're gonna die is a hard and slow lesson to learn.

I got through a nasty bout with cancer a couple of years ago without ever seriously considering THAT my end might be near. (Actually, it was the treatment that was really debilitating, moreso than the disease itself, but it worked.) I was told from the git-go that the recovery rate from my type of cancer (in the neck, on the right tonsil) was very promising, but thAt the treatment was especially difficult. I never doubted that I'd recover, and indeed the predictions were correct.

My dear sweet wife just got a terminal diagnosis of Primary Progressive Aphasia, a relatively rare degenerate neurological condition with no known cause and no known treatment. She is slowly losing her abilty to speak as her brain is atrophying and shrinking, starting with the speech center. She has at least six years to live, and with luck as many as 18-20, but no real prospects of getting any better. This is NOT dementia, at least not until the final stages; she can think, reason, remember, function, etc., but just can't find the words to express what she'd like to say, and so she's beginnning to appear demented to strangers (and even to friends who don't yet understand).

We've been married since 1973, always got along fine (in contrast to so many other couples), still look and feel much younger than our actual ages (54 & 59), and always looked forward to growing old together. Now it looks like she's going to grow old in a hurry and then I'll have to grow even older without her.

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Bert
Date: 03 May 07 - 12:21 PM

Ha Bill D, I'm older than you!!! I was 68 a few weeks ago. I'm not doing too badly though, I tried to get an old farts discount last week and the clerk asked "Are you 55"?

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: skipy
Date: 03 May 07 - 12:12 PM

I'm wearing quite badly for 9!
Skipy

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Leadfingers
Date: 03 May 07 - 12:08 PM

DONT act your age -- Act your shoe size !

I am currently trying to work UP to 7 1/2

Subject: RE: BS: Indignities of Aging: the Sordid Truth
From: Bill D
Date: 03 May 07 - 11:57 AM

I am still trying to decide whether I am pleased that clerks now give me the 'senior discount' without asking.

   I think the most frustrating aspect of aging (so far) is sleep problems. I can't be sure how much of it is physical and how much is mental turmoil over schedules, finances, etc...but I don't get to sleep easily, I don't stay asleep long enough, and I suffer more from lack of sleep than I used to.

(Fortunately, I do NOT have to get up several times a night to pee! Yet.)

oh..for reference, I'll be 68 in several weeks.

and for what it's worth, I think the last 10 years of organizing my thoughts on Mudcat have been good for me generally.