BS: so very sad

Subject: BS: so very sad
From: Partridge
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 02:13 PM

Sorry to be such a miserable bitch. But my bset friend Philip dropped dead and i was sacked from my job - all in the space of a week. I'm starting to think I must have been a very bad person in a previous life.

Pat xxx

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: gnu
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 02:18 PM

You must have been, because you seem like a very good person in this life. Thoughts and prayers, darlin. Like I said in chat... only time heals. In the meantime, just be good to yourself.

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: Emma B
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 02:21 PM

Take the time you need to grieve Pat it's part of the healing process; thinking of you at this sad time.

Em xxx

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: Partridge
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 02:22 PM

I feel as if I know what heart broken is -- so out of it - not being anything

Pat xxxx

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 02:26 PM

Oh dear, it is very depressing when people pass on suddenly, and to lose your job on top of it, no wonder you feel down.
Do try not to be too introspective, and seek out good and happy company, it will make you feel better.
Chin up Pat.
Regards
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: GUEST,jOhn
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 02:32 PM

Sorry to heat this.

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: Peace
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 02:34 PM

"I feel as if I know what heart broken is -- so out of it - not being anything"

Pat, you are much more than you realize at this moment. Life isn't always fair, and in this case it's downright cruel. However, you'll really piss me off if you ever again say you are nothing ('not being anything'). I'm bad enough on a good day. Please don't say that again.

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: Partridge
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 02:35 PM

I must have been a very bad person in a previous life!

Pat xxx

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: Bee
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 02:42 PM

Sorry, Partridge. I lost a good friend myself recently; same way, he just dropped dead. I sang at his memorial party three weeks ago. I know you've had other losses recently, it must be hard.

As for the job, try to seperate the loss from your self image (been there, lost grandparent, job, lover, home all in one month many years ago). Sometimes we have an 'annus horribilis', and can only go about picking up pieces for a while.

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: skipy
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 02:44 PM

Hang in there,
Skipy

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: Partridge
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 02:52 PM

doing my best Pat XX

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: SINSULL
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 02:54 PM

You do know what heartbroken is. It is a very empty feeling. One day at a time. Cry when you feel like it. Throw something if it helps. Don't be surprised when you find yourself furious with Philip for leaving so suddenly.

I hope you have a good friend who will simply listen.

Meantime, force yourself to eat and sleep even if it'sjust a little.
Take care,
Mary

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: Partridge
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 03:04 PM

I so want to throw something...................

at anybody

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: Partridge
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 03:06 PM

Its funny about eating - i have had to force myself to eat.

Pat xx

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 03:22 PM

Yeah, depression tends to kill motivation. Best to just force yourself to be active too. Physical activity can help to sort of get you back in gear sometimes.

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: Partridge
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 03:33 PM

bollocks

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: Partridge
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 03:37 PM

I dont mean to be bad please understand

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: peregrina
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 03:43 PM

Partridge, I don't know you, but couldn't be silent after reading this thread.
All I can think of to say is: I wish you strength.
I hope you can find some moments of support, comfort, or just distraction, from good friends, music, nature, or whatever helps.

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: katlaughing
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 03:50 PM

{{{{{{PAT}}}}}}}

Even if you had been so called "bad" in a past life, that isn't anything you haven't already negated in this lifetime, I am sure. Try to remember the past is past. We have NOW and in this moment give yourself a hug. I am really glad you shared with everyone. I have been concerned about you and giving thanks for healing since I first heard about your job and Philip.

Do you have a counsellor you can go to? Someone who can help you through the next few weeks or months, in person? Short-term, the right person can really help.

Also are there any employment counsellors available to help you with that? If you can afford it, I'd not worry too much about a job at the moment. I think you need time to find solace among the grief and shock; time to take care of yourself (and that means eating!:-) If nothing else, try to drink some of the special all-purpose products they have now, such as Ensure and something Alba just recommended to me: V8 Fusion drinks. You don't have to "feel" like cooking or anything to get those down. Just pop them open and swallow. If you are unable to do that or to eat much, do please see a doctor and/or counsellor for help with it. My daughter did and it helped tremendously.

You are loved and we all care about you. Say that out loud, please..."I am loved and my friends care about me." If you can look at yourself in a mirror and say it, even better.

Sorry to be so bossy, Pat. I know you are a lovely person, though, and I am giving thanks you know this, too, and are able to care for yourself as we do.

With much love,

kat

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: HouseCat
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 03:57 PM

You were not a bad person in a previous life,love. You didn't bring these things on. Bad things happen but not always because of our actions. Do not blame yourself, especially for the loss of your dear friend.
{{{{{{{{{Pat}}}}}}}}}}
Peace in your heart,
HC

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: Alba
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 03:59 PM

Hey Pat ma dear. Throw something at me...go on.
Let it out. You are fully entitled to feel sad and angry. They are YOUR feelings. Feel them.
Past lives aside. (I tend to agree with Gnu on that)
Losing a treasured Friend suddenly is like being stabbed in the Heart.
As for the job...well would you want to be going into work feeling so sad? There are other jobs. True Friends are rare however and cannot be replaced. So feck the job and maybe see losing the job as a blessing that is allowing you to take the time to grieve the real loss that is hurting you so much.
It will take a while to heal but heal you will.
I think you are one of finest Folks that post on the Mudcat.
Please know your loved, unconditionally by many here. (so throw away, just yell before you launch any missiles, that way I can at least try to dodge them *soft Smile* )
Thinking of you Pat and sending you LOVE and LIGHT.
You are so strong and have endured so much in the last Year and came out fighting and I admire you and I also admire the fact that you are one of those rare beings that own their own feelings.
I know that these are just words but there is a energy behind them that I hope you can feel darlin.
Holding you in my Heart till yours mends.

Jude

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: skipy
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 04:30 PM

We don't think you are "bad" & we do understand.
Skipy

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 04:32 PM

Keep breathing, Pat. It is possible the karma of his death was his own, you know, not yours. But feeling disconnected and all awry is standard fare when you are sitting inthe shock and loss of it all. Keep breathing. Move ahead as you can, and be kind to yourself.

A

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: Azizi
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 07:43 PM

Pat, if you believe in past lifes, you may also believe in the idea that you and the people you love who have already passed from this earth will be together again-in between lives on this earth, as well as in other lifes on this earth.

And since you believe in past lifes, you may also believe in the idea that there is a reason why each person was born on this earth. Some people say that our task on this earth is to find that reason and do what we were born to do {or learn what we were born to learn}.

**

There's a church song * that I remember that says:

If I can help somebody as I pass along,
If I can cheer somebody with a word or song,
If I can show somebody he is trav'ling wrong,
Then my living shall not be in vain.

Then my living shall not be in vain,
Then my living shall not be in vain;
If I can help somebody as I pass along,
Then my living shall not be in vain.

If I can do my duty as a Christian ought,
If I can bring back beauty to a world up-wrought,
If I can spread love's message that the Master taught,
Then my living shall not be in vain.

Then my living shall not be in vain,
Then my living shall not be in vain;
If I can help somebody as I pass along,
Then my living shall not be in vain.

If I can help somebody as I pass along,
If I can cheer somebody with a word or song,
If I can show somebody he is trav'ling wrong,
Then my living shall not be in vain.

Then my living shall not be in vain,
Then my living shall not be in vain;
If I can help somebody as I pass along,
Then my living shall not be in vain.

If I can do my duty as a Christian ought,
If I can bring back beauty to a world up-wrought,
If I can spread love's message that the Master taught,
Then my living shall not be in vain.

Then my living shall not be in vain,
Then my living shall not be in vain;
If I can help somebody as I pass along,
Then my living shall not be in vain.


* Song-If I Can Help Somebody
A. Bazel Androzzo, © 1945, Alma B. Androzzo
http://anthonyjkearns.tripod.com/IfICanHelpSomebodyLyrics.html

**

Also, some years ago I remember seeing a Christmas cartoon that featured a bear who was afraid to leave his home for some reason or another. One day a friend of his came over to the bear's house. The friend-who was some other kind of animal, but I can't recall which-walked toward the bear, put his arms around his frind's shoulder and started singing-

Put one foot in front of the other
and soon you'll be walking 'cross the floor.
Put one foot in front of the other
and soon you'll be walking out the door.

-snip-

Positive vibrations,

Azizi

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: GUEST,Jacqui.c in Albany
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 07:57 PM

(((((((((((((((Pat)))))))))))))

I don't believe that you were bad in a past life. Sometimes life just throws things at you and it is very difficult to understand why. You will come through this and there will be light at the end of the tunnel, although that may not seem possible right now.

Take care of yourself my dear.

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: GUEST,mg
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 08:05 PM

I'm very sad to hear of your losses....when they group together it seems to make them worse.

To be overly analytical here..

1. You had a tragedy in the death of a friend.
2.

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: GUEST,mg
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 08:08 PM

sorry..

2. You lost your job, which is disappointing, and could cause financial problems etc..., but it is something that does happen pretty often these days..

3. You are mixing these things up in your mind to blame yourself and that is making everything more difficult. It is not your fault in this life or the next or the last one that these things happen. Things happen and sometimes at the same time so hopefully you can have a spell on unemployment and miss your friend and slowly get things back on track....mg

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: Partridge
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 03:57 AM

Loss of the job means nothing really, in some ways its a good thing because I don't feel I could work at the moment.
Philip would hate me to be so upset, but I can't help it. He always remembered my birthday - this year there were flowers and champagne. He said that everyone should have a Philip. He died as I think he would have liked - just dropped dead, the coroner said that even if he had died in a hospital, next to a heart surgeon, nothing could have brought him back - he was dead before he hit the floor.
Life without a Philip will be hard.
I dont really think I am a bad person, I'm just learning a few tough lessons at the moment. I apologise if I've been rude to anyone(littlehawk - bollocks - sorry)
Life goes on and I am part of that, its just difficult to feel a part of it at the moment.
Thank you for your support

pat xxx

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: skipy
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 04:48 AM

Chin up girl, you're sounding a tiny bit better already, you'll get there, you'll do it for Phillip.
Skipy

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: GUEST,ibo
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 08:23 AM

my family have had a torrid time over the past three years,but im sure good times lie ahead. keep yer chin up mate.Good wishes for the future to all mudcatters

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: Big Phil
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 09:49 AM

Partridge, You are not a bad person, its just life which can be a bitch at times. Time will hopefully heal your wounds.

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: GUEST,Compassionate
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 09:54 AM

Words seldom heal, but may comfort you, I hope this does.

"Good Grief"

Matthew 5:4

"Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted"



I WALKED A MILE WITH PLEASURE

SHE CHATTERED ALL THE WAY,

BUT LEFT ME NONE THE WISER

FOR ALL SHE HAD TO SAY.

I WALKED A MILE WITH SORROW.

AND NE'ER A WORD SAID SHE.

BUT, OH, THE THINGS I LEARNED FROM HER

WHEN SORROW WALKED WITH ME!

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: alanabit
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 10:00 AM

I am very sad to hear your news. Your friend wanted you. You are wanted here. An employer will want you when you are ready. Wishing you better days soon.

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: Noreen
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 10:09 AM

((((((Pat))))))

Philip sounds like a lovely person. Tell us more about him when you can?

Some people go through life never being made to feel special by a lovely person.

There is still a warm glow inside you that he put there, and you will feel it again when the numbness and anger fade.




Get yourself somewhere wild and lonely and have a good shout at the world.

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: Little Robyn
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 03:57 PM

It sounds as if Philip was lovely. And what a lovely way to go.
We all have to go someday and the choices can be horrible - car crash, lingering disease, violence, all options I hope I don't have to face. So I'd like to be able to just step out of my body - leave it behind, to crash to the floor, when my time comes.
The shock to those left behind is very great but the peace to Philip is greater. Be glad for him.
And I'm sure a better job will come for you when you are ready for it.
Hang in there Pat.
Was it Snoopy who said "This too will pass!"
Robyn

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: SINSULL
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 04:17 PM

Partridge,
A few years back my friend Thomas died of a heart attack on the way to the Bus Station in NYC. He was coming up to visit me and meet a bunch of Mudcatters at the annual lobster boil. Thomas had no family at least no real family. And it took about two weeks I think before someone accidentally found out I was a friend and contacted me. I had him cremated and his ashes are still with me. I cried but knew that at least he was happy when he died - he was on his way to a party with friends. He hadn't had a friend in years. He had prepared some music - Thomas was a brilliant Blues and Gospel singer but had no place to sing for years.
Thomas was not a bad person but he had done some pretty bad things. I am not a bad person but I am not proud of everything I have done. You are a genuinely good person or Philip would not have been your friend.
Mourn. Celebrate his life and your friendship. Know that everyone has a "past" or they are not human. I would love to know what Mother Theresa was up to before she became a saint. I bet you and I would have been proud to call her a friend.
There is no shame in mourning. It means sorrow and anger and disbelief and guilt and more anger. Eventually it means acceptance. Give yourself time. And of course throw things. It is wonderfully therapeutic.
SINS

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: Becca72
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 04:29 PM

Partrige,
I had a similar rough patch at the beginning of the year. It gets better. Slowly, but it does get better. I'm very sorry for the loss of your friend. Just know he'll always be with you.

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: Donuel
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 05:42 PM

Hmmmm, Jeez Pat that sounds worse than being Dixie Chicked.


Better days are ahead.

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: Jeri
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 06:08 PM

Pat, I'm so sorry you're feeling so sad. The sadness, anger and everything else are a normal part of grieving. They don't make you a bad person, they aren't a sign of mental illness, and wanting to kick people who try to cheer you up is also normal. You have to go through it all to get past it.

Let yourself feel rotten for a while, and be around people who will let you be who you are and feel what you feel.

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: Partridge
Date: 18 Jul 07 - 02:30 AM

Philip was quite a "one off" He sold mobile phone accessories and would also unlock phones for a small fee. He worked around the country at markets and computer fairs. His wife died 15 years ago and he missed her very much. For the last two years he did not have a permanent home, he just stayed with friends and family or B&Bs
He was always ready to help, he babysat his grandchildren at the drop of a hat, I remember once getting into a dangerous situation in grantham, I was terrified, I rang him at 11.00pm told him my situation. He jumped into his car drove 200 miles to pick me up without a single complaint. He let me borrow his car for a month(when my Dad was dying) and he went to work on the train.He used to call me either "My dear lady" or "my love" He didn't like music, but used to come to cleckheaton with me and also whitby sometimes. When I was morris dancing he used to come along to the weekend dance outings.
He took me out for slap up dinners. I introduced him to curry and his favourite was chicken madras, pilau rice and a nan bread.
I used to enjoy cooking for him and on the many holidays we have had together I used to do the breakfasts. He taught me to drive and never once lost his temper at my non existant road sense.

He was building a ginetta kit car, all the years I knew him(14)It started off as white fibre glass pieces that lived on my lawn for over two years. It moved around yorkshire for the next 12 years. Last year in was painted and the inside trim done - this year or next it was to be tested and go on the road. We always joked that it would never be finished, and I'm sad that this turned out to be the case.

Philip was in some ways reliably unreliable. He had what we affectionately called Philip time. You could be in the car with him, say 100 miles from our destination, one of the other traders would ring him and ask what time he was due to arrive. He always said something like "I'll be with you in quarter of an hour" the number of times I felt like grabbing the phone to tell the truth. But we all knew that when Philip said he was just round the corner that he was really 20 miles away!

He usually stayed over on a sunday and monday and we would either have a take away or I would cook there was always wine and we would watch the tele. He laughed at my choice of programme, he called it "hebee jebee stuff" I liked to watch John Edward or Colin Fry.
I used to say to him that when he died that he would meet his wife again. He used to peer over the top of the paper and say"whatever you say my dear"

love

Pat

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: Mrrzy
Date: 18 Jul 07 - 01:58 PM

Poor you! I just got a job after almost 5 years of temping and freelancing - there are other jobs out there! But there are no friends like those we lose - or those we keep. I will be thinking of you.

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: katlaughing
Date: 18 Jul 07 - 10:48 PM

Thanks for telling us about him, Pat. Sounds as though he was a really interesting individual and a great friend.

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: kendall
Date: 19 Jul 07 - 07:37 AM

The bitch is, the older we get, the more dead people we know. Talking about it helps, and so does throwing things.

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: Partridge
Date: 19 Jul 07 - 01:40 PM

Yes, kendall I threw some stuff at a cat that had my old moggy cornered and was about three times the size. The huge monster tried to attack me instead of running away, but the bucket of water defeated it. I felt better, but was suprised how instinctively I reacted.

And yes, the number of dead loved ones is growing - there will be one hell(or heaven) of a welcome party when I go.

Its strange when my Mum and Dad died I was very upset and cried lots, but with Philip its taken me a month to really cry. I wonder why?

love
Pat xxx

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: Helen
Date: 19 Jul 07 - 04:04 PM

Hi Pat,

I missed this thread because I haven't been able to read Mudcat properly for the last couple of weeks (changed to day shift and adjusting my sleep patterns).

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend Philip. It is so hard to not only deal with the loss of your friend but also to deal with the shock of his sudden passing. Be easy on yourself, and accept the stages of grieving as part of the process.

Also, I know that your job loss is not easy to deal with. I know you liked that job and there were good prospects, but if you can afford the time, give yourself some time to recover from both shocks. Have a vacation from the daily grind.

I'm lighting candles for you, and sending you love & light.

Hugs {{{{{Pat}}}}}

Helen

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: Alba
Date: 21 Jul 07 - 05:35 PM

Hi Pat,
Just checking in with you.
Holding you in my thoughts my dear.
Love and Light as always,
Jude

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: Rog Peek
Date: 21 Jul 07 - 06:51 PM

So sorry to hear your sad news.
Nothing to do with a past life Pat. It's just that life is 'ups' and 'downs'. I'm sure there is an 'up' waiting for you round the corner, so try to keep your chin up eh.

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: skipy
Date: 22 Jul 07 - 01:45 PM

Still thinking about you,
Skipy

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: Partridge
Date: 23 Jul 07 - 04:25 AM

Thank you all for your kind thoughts. I'm in a strange place at the moment. Part of me still thinks that Philip is going to suddenly turn up. I keep looking for white renault megans. I have two of Philips cars on my drive and I cant bring myself to get rid of them. They are my cars really, but Philip used them when his car was not working. They don't work now either so at some point they will be off to the scrap yard. Its like, if I get rid of them he really will be dead.
I wonder when the men in white coats will be arriving!

love

Pat xxx

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: Megan L
Date: 23 Jul 07 - 04:44 AM

Heck lass ye'll hae tae join the queue on that i bought mu a christmas present for three years after she went. The present would be bought and wrapped and then I'd remember there wasn't anyone to give it to. Even yet i find my self looking at something and thinking "Mum would love that" at least now i can shake my head and agree " Yes she would love it." then walk on.

Keep walking lassie
Dauvitt and his meg

Subject: RE: BS: so very sad
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 23 Jul 07 - 07:53 AM

Pat, my friend & her sister took 2 years to clear out their Mother's possessions after her death, precisely for the reason you give. When her stuff was gone, she would be gone.

thinking of you & sending hugs

sandra