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Two Farmers

Related thread:
The Lawyer - 2 Farmers - 1 Cow HELP (31)


RamblinStu 17 Jul 07 - 04:10 AM
Malcolm Douglas 17 Jul 07 - 07:19 PM
RamblinStu 18 Jul 07 - 03:53 AM
GUEST,jim 18 Jul 07 - 05:37 PM
Peace 18 Jul 07 - 05:42 PM
PoppaGator 18 Jul 07 - 06:19 PM
Peace 18 Jul 07 - 06:30 PM
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Subject: Two Farmers
From: RamblinStu
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 04:10 AM

I know this song was played on a Mike Harding programme earlier this year, but try as I might I can't find any more details about it.

The first verse and chorus is

Two farmers met at a fair and between 'em bought a cow,
They both wanted to take it 'ome, but couldn't agree somehow.
They met a Lawyer on the way, who tried to square the case,
And how they carried on that day, you'd say t'was a disgrace.

Chorus

One Farmer pulled it's head and the other one pulled it's tail,
And over it they had a jolly row, hello,
And both to law they went, and all their money spent,
Whilst the Lawyer kept a milking of the cow, cow, cow,
Whilst the Lawyer kept a milking of the cow.

I did find a mudcat entry, posted by PennyBlack back in 2004, who gave all the lyrics but also wanted to know origins etc.

So does any one know any more about this song now?


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Subject: RE: Two Farmers
From: Malcolm Douglas
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 07:19 PM

'The Lawyer and the Cow', number 5318 in the Roud Folk Song Index. The only example listed at present was recorded by Nick and Mally Dow from Beth Bond of Blackpool on 16 February 1985. It was issued in the later '80s on Old House Music OHC 105, Fleetwood Mashers: Songs and speech from the Lancashire Fylde Coast.

The lyric posting you mention was at  Songs About Lawyers or the Law: THE LAWSUIT

There is another thread, though, which you may find more enlightening, as it refers to a cd recording of the song made by Beth's son John:

The Lawyer - 2 Farmers - 1 Cow HELP

As like as not it was one or other of those two recordings that you heard.


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Subject: RE: Two Farmers
From: RamblinStu
Date: 18 Jul 07 - 03:53 AM

Malcolm

Many thanks for the information, it answers all my questions.

It's a fun song with its, none too subtle, dig at the legal profession. I shall be doing my bit, in the guise of The Ramblin' Boys, to keep this song it going.

All the best
RamblinStu


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Subject: RE: Two Farmers
From: GUEST,jim
Date: 18 Jul 07 - 05:37 PM

I recall an old cylendar record by Whistling Pete that my neighbour had when I was a kid. On it he played a tune, then told a joke, like the Arkansas Traveller. One of the jokes went something like:

*-My brother and I chipped in and bought a cow, but we couldn't decide how to share it. At last we decided that I'd get the front half and he'd get the back half.
#-Well, that sounds fair.
*-I thought so too, but he got all the milk and the manure and I had to feed the cow.
#-Well what did you do about it?
*-I killed my half of the cow and his half died.


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Subject: RE: Two Farmers
From: Peace
Date: 18 Jul 07 - 05:42 PM

Funny Political Systems

Every country and every party has its funny political systems, here are some of our favourites researched by Alicia Moss.

An American Democrat

You have two cows.
Your neighbour has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax.
The people you voted for then take tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbour.
You feel righteous and Barbara Streisand sings for you.

Used Cows - Used for what?

An American Republican

You have two cows.
Your neighbour has none.
So?

Socialist

You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbour.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

Communist

You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

Capitalism, American style

You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

Democracy, American style

You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your'
government.

Bureaucracy, American style

You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.

Democracy, American style

The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it.
After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures.
The press dubs the affair "Cowgate"

Feudalism

You have two cows.
Your lord takes some of the milk

Pure socialism

You have two cows.
The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows.
You have to take care of all the cows.
The government gives you as much milk as you need

Bureaucratic socialism

You have two cows.
The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows.
They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers.
You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers.
The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.

Fascism

You have two cows.
The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

°
Pure communism

You have two cows.
Your neighbours help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

Russian communism

You have two cows.
You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk

Dictatorship

You have two cows.
The government takes both and shoots you

Singaporean democracy

You have two cows.
The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment

Militarianism

You have two cows.
The government takes both and drafts you

Pure democracy

You have two cows.
Your neighbours decide who gets the milk

Representative democracy

You have two cows.
Your neighbours pick someone to tell you who gets the milk

British democracy

You have two cows.
You feed them sheep's' brains and they go mad.
The government doesn't do anything.

Bureaucracy

You have two cows.
At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them.
Then it pays you not to milk them.
After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain.
Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows

Anarchy

You have two cows.
Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbours try to kill you and take the cows

Capitalism

You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull

Hone Kong capitalism

You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly - listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother - in - law at the bank, then execute a debt / equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows.
The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company.
The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the fung shui is bad.

Environmentalism

You have two cows.
The government bans you from milking or killing them

Feminism

You have two cows.
They get married and adopt a veal calf

Totalitarianism

You have two cows.
The government takes them and denies they ever existed.
Milk is banned

Political Correctness

You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallo - centric, war - mongering, intolerant past) two differently - aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non - specified gender.

Counter Culture

Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man.
You got to have some of this milk.

Surrealism

You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

See more funny political jokes.


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Subject: RE: Two Farmers
From: PoppaGator
Date: 18 Jul 07 - 06:19 PM

Wow! Thanks, Peace...

I'm not sure what I expected to find under this thread title, but this wasn't it ~ a very pleasant (and hilarious) surprise!


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Subject: RE: Two Farmers
From: Peace
Date: 18 Jul 07 - 06:30 PM

I first heard Pat Paulsen do a skit like that back in the 1960s or 1970s on Laugh In. I think of it every now and then. Now there are many sites that have it, and the list has grown. Hope you are keeping well and that summer is being good to you.


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