BS: Boyfriend or husband

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: jacqui.c
Date: 27 Jul 07 - 10:19 PM

Very true saying - seen it happen too many times.

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 Jul 07 - 08:02 PM

Peter,
I believe you may be joining Kendall in the cellar.
SINS

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Jul 07 - 01:14 PM

LOL! There's a lot of truth in that.

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: Midchuck
Date: 27 Jul 07 - 10:48 AM

i will keeep my fingers crossed that i can change him.

Where was it I read the statement that "Women marry men, thinking they'll change, and they don't. Men marry women thinking they won't change, and they do."?

Peter

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: Scooby Doo
Date: 27 Jul 07 - 09:38 AM

Your all right.Its healthy to have seperate interests,i thought he would be involved in my interests.I will have to except his interests too.


Yas.

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 Jul 07 - 09:31 AM

And it can be healthy to have separate interests. There is lfe outside of folk music.

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: JennyO
Date: 27 Jul 07 - 02:48 AM

I like to think of it not so much as "changing" him, rather - opening him up to a whole new world of experiences ;-)

Seriously though, people can have their horizons broadened with things they didn't know existed - if they have an open mind and a willingness to try new things. If they don't, then that is a problem - one you can't do much about.

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: GUEST,meself
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 03:14 PM

"i will keeep my fingers crossed that i can change him"

Always a helpful attitude to bring into a relationship ...

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: Scooby Doo
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 02:15 PM

Well i never.Good Luck to them both.Pass on my regards to them both.

Thanks Lynne.
Yas.

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: MBSLynne
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 01:41 PM

Happily married...to someone he met at a folk festival! This year will be his first not going to Sidmouth in 28 years.

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: Scooby Doo
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 12:44 PM

Lynne,
I remember it well.I am so pleased you married Ted in the end.What is Dove Dave doing now?.

Yas

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: Scooby Doo
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 12:42 PM

JennyO,
He likes heavy rock music.I also think he is a mummies boy as he is 48, he lives with his mother in his house and i think she is scared to loose him,so she will tell me anything to go away.
My first marriage to Miskin Man was similar i liked pop and he was the opposite so i will keeep my fingers crossed that i can change him.

Thanks for your advice.
Yasmin.

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: MBSLynne
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 12:33 PM

Yeah, similar experience. My ex wasn't interested in music, nor did he have any desire to go to folk festivals despite being a morris man. So, since I couldn't possibly miss Sidmouth, I used to go without him.......and met my current husband.

Scooby doo will remember all this! She was there!

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: JennyO
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 12:03 PM

Scooby Doo, does he like any music?

Folk music is so varied, there is probably some he hasn't heard and might like - if he has some interest in music.

If they have a passion for any kind of music, you have something to work with. The problem comes, I find, when music isn't important to them at all.

I remember one guy I met years ago - at some stage I asked him what kind of music he liked and he thought about it a bit and said "Oh, middle of the road". Which turned out to mean that music wasn't important to him. It was a relationship which didn't last long - that was one of the many ways in which we weren't compatible.

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: Scooby Doo
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 11:58 AM

Thanks Amos,i will have too have a go.
.

Scooby

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 11:55 AM

Make him change his mind! :D

A

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: Scooby Doo
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 11:51 AM

I have just found out that my new man does not like folk music,what do i do now?.


Scooby

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: Wilfried Schaum
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 11:50 AM

From boyfriend to husband: 72 days. 28th anniversary to celebrate in 13 days.

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 11:45 AM

You're absolutly right. Hard work and a lot of character.

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: SINSULL
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 11:01 AM

And the inspiring one are the result of hard work. It doesn't just happen. Lots of give and take. Sometimes one side has to accept all the responsibility for keeping the relationship on track. Children can be a joy and a terrible burden. Financial setbacks and illness take a toll. Inlaws interfere. Work interferes.

The bad stuff either brings you closer together or forces you apart.

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 12:45 AM

Heh! Well, I wouldn't wish some of the marriages I've seen on my worst enemy...that's for sure.

But it all depends. I've seen a few marriages that were quite inspiring.

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: TRUBRIT
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 11:42 PM

Depends on your experience perhaps. Marriage can be wonderful -- and so, of course, can the alternative.

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: Amergin
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 10:50 PM

I wouldn't want to wish marriage on my worst enemy.

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: katlaughing
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 10:22 PM

No kidding! That's what I was thinking, Sins. (Doesn'tr eally matter, but I had the impression "outsider" was in the States?) Seems strange, though I suppose folks here who do not have a doctor probably do have to go to a clinic. I would hope the clinic people would be sensitive about it; I know Planned Parenthood folks would be. Thanks to both of you, guests, for posting of your experiences. Good luck!

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: SINSULL
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 10:13 PM

Outsider and In Thanks,
You must not be in the US. Here you can get an HIV test done in your doctor's office. Private and quick. Sorry you have to endure the humiliation but better safe than sorry.
SINS

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: SINSULL
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 09:56 PM

Horrible - I heard of her death on the radio. I was at work at the time. Strange business, She and I grew up together.

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: TRUBRIT
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 09:19 PM

Oh Sinsull -- my goodness - what a story.

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: GUEST,meself
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 09:14 PM

Good luck, GUEST, In, etc.

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: GUEST,In thanks for the prompt
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 08:05 PM

Prompted by "Outsiders" post and being in a somewhat similar situation and not having had intimate contact with anyone except my spouse for more than 4 years. I went to my local GUI clinic today and I have to say my experience was quite different from Outsiders. The Staff were sympathetic and discreet and very supportive, You don't even give your name out loud, but are given a number and a form to fill and when they call you they only use your first name. They did everything they could to put me at ease and to minimize the stress of the situation and They will text the results to my mobile so I don't even have to go back unless they find something that needs treatment. so, many Thanks for the Prompt, outsider

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: SINSULL
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 11:17 AM

Same here, Diva. No implied criticism. In fact, from what you have said, both you and your husband were up front with each other about where your relationship was going.
I am genuinely sorry that my comments came across as criticism.
Mary

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: JennyO
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 07:02 AM

Diva, I hope you didn't think I was being judgmental about you or what you wrote. I was just having a guess as to why GUEST,outside looking in said "all this talk of infidelity and choices etc".

Everybody has their own story and only they know why they have done what they have done and made the choices they have made. Sometimes they turn out to be the right choices and sometimes they turn out to be the wrong ones - that's life. You try to do the best you can with what life hands you.

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: Diva
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 05:33 AM

Having read Jenny O's post......while Allan and I are still legally married to other people....the missing premise is we met one another long after our official relationships had ended

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: katlaughing
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 04:07 PM

{{{Sins}}} That would be enough to put anyone off having an SO!

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: SINSULL
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 01:38 PM

Another cousin (I have a huge extended family) died a few years ago from cancer of the cervix brought on by a sexually transmitted virus. She had had one husband and was monogamous. Turned out he wasn't. I was as angry at her as I was at him over this one. A simple PAP test would have caught it early and saved her life. Insttead she died a horrible painful death and left behind a retarded son who thrived under her love and care but regressed without her.

Still another cousin left an abusive husband too late. He murdered her and her date with an ice pick and set their bodies on fire. A few weeks later he was shot to death but no one was ever accused. Her child was left in the care of her father's family - a strange bunch at best.

So - if you have found a true and loving partner, treasure him or her. If you are in an abusive relationship, get out. If your relationship is over, have the decency to be honest about it and not risk anyone else's health.

Lecture over,
Auntie SINS

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: GUEST,meself
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 12:46 PM

Okay, I take it back - I mean, I'm still mad and everything - but looking back a couple of days, I see there WAS some discussion of infidelity. I guess I'm just so twenty-first century and so wired and everything that I don't remember anything past five minutes ago, so - um, what were we talking about?

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 12:44 PM

"if we can keep our cool and not get angry at each other"

Yup. That is the key to all of these threads, JennyO. It's a tricky business, and it's very easy to get hijacked.

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: JennyO
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 12:34 PM

I'm not sure if there is any point dragging things from the unpleasant past into the present

I'm speaking for myself here, by the way - not meaning to criticise anyone else who has talked about the past, particularly when past events continue to have an impact, as in Katlaughing's story. I may yet do the same, depending on how the conversation goes and how I'm feeling at the time.

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: GUEST,meself
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 12:33 PM

You're making me mad.

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: JennyO
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 12:22 PM

I think GUEST,outside looking in might have had Diva's post in mind, for one.

There is such an assortment of experiences represented here - ones that have been central to our lives, so it is not surprising that strong emotions are coming into some posts. What started out as a fairly straightforward question has brought forth all sorts of responses and touched some people's 'sore spots'. Some of us have a lot to be angry about.

I haven't posted anything serious yet, probably because some of my experiences would make your hair stand on end, and they are way in the past, so I'm not sure if there is any point dragging things from the unpleasant past into the present. If the discussion goes that way, I may post part of it. If it gets lighthearted again, I'll go that way instead. I'm happy to go with the flow.

We've gone from light-hearted to deadly serious and everywhere in between, and I still think there is the potential for much more that is worthwhile in this thread, if we can keep our cool and not get angry at each other.

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: katlaughing
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 11:55 AM

There's been plenty of talk of infidelity on here. I was lucky enough to never have caught anything from my ex's indiscretions and, thankfully, have had a monogamous partner since before HIV/AIDS came on the scene. I cannot imagine how angry and hurt I would feel if that were not the case and I caught something. My daughter trusted someone in her first sexual experience and got HPV for her naivete, before ti was widely known. As a result she lost most of her cervix to removal of pre-cancerous cells causing her to stay in bed for 19 weeks whilst pregnant with her twin sons.

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 11:33 AM

That would be just awful! Despite having had 2 pathologically unfaithful partners in the past, I was lucky enough (or careful enough...using protection) to be spared that miserable experience.

Amazingly enough, despite their promiscuity, I think the two people I'm speaking of managed not to catch anything.

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: GUEST,meself
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 11:31 AM

Infidelity? Who's been talking about infidelity? The OP seemed to be speculating on the possibility of marrying her boyfriend; others talked about marriage as opposed to common-law or dating relationships; then people got talking about what to call your SO; a couple of bitter and peculiar exchanges occurred - but infidelity? Did I miss something?

Okay, it's coming back to me ... a couple of posters talked about someone they knew whose marriage(s) broke up, and infidelity had occurred ... Way up the thread somewhere ...

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: GUEST,outside looking in
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 11:22 AM

In all this talk of infidelity and choices etc. no one has mentioned the feelings of shame, pain and humiliation the innocent party feels while, through no fault of their own, they wait at the Genito-urinary clinic to be tested for STDs and HIV, because their "partner" "overlapped" their relationships and they (the innocent party) are now exposed to ALL the sexual partners of ALL the partys involved for the duration.

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: GUEST,meself
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 08:35 AM

Nice try, Giok - but I wasn't born yesterday! Not the day before either ... (Very imagainative, though!).

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: My guru always said
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 07:58 AM

I'm with you Lynne, I can't see any problem there except for Yas having a bit of a misunderstanding & mistakenly accusing Peace. No trolling here I reckon.

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: Scooby Doo
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 07:25 AM

SORRY Peace,i would like you to except my apology on the net.I don't know why i thought it was you as a troll.


Scooby.

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: MBSLynne
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 07:23 AM

I personally can't see what was wrong with the post from Crazy Man Michael anyway. He was just joining in the same conversation about what people call their 'other halves'.

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: Diva
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 05:16 AM

Hobbit......well he is an older man and thinks the term boyfriend is a bit twee. I usually say partner since we are both still married to other people. Apparently we are the height of trendiness as we maintain separate homes, mine in hawick, Allans in Selkirk...living appart together is the term in current usage. We've both done the married thing, Allan three times!!!! so we won't bother....I'm in no rush to divorce my ex, we get on better now.

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 04:25 AM

It's a wheel with pieces of flat Mexican bread fixed at regular intervals around the rim. This wheel is then rotated at speed which moves the air around and helps cool people down. It is also known as a punka sandwich.
G.

Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband
From: GUEST,meself
Date: 23 Jul 07 - 11:37 PM

Dare I ask what a 'fanjita' is?