Hillbilly or Redneck Music Theory

Subject: Hillbilly or Redneck Music Theory
From: Kudzuman
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 01:26 PM

Anyone have the list of music theory "definitions" that circulated a few years back about "Redneck" music theory. Such gems as A440 - the Interstate that runs around Nashville and A Diminished Fifth - and empty bottle of Jack Daniels. I lost my copy somewhere along the way. Thanks in advance!!

Subject: RE: Hillbilly or Redneck Music Theory
From: wysiwyg
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 01:30 PM

Shall I ask my dear neighbors (who will not find it amusing)?

~Susan

Subject: RE: Hillbilly or Redneck Music Theory
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 01:55 PM

http://www.tastawerk.net/dictionary/

Yer out of the loop, kudzuman. That's "Jack Daniel's."

Subject: RE: Hillbilly or Redneck Music Theory
From: katlaughing
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 02:17 PM

That's worthy of a post, imo. Here 'tis from the link leeneia listed:

The Idiot's Dictionary of Music

A 440 - The highway that runs around Nashville

Accidentals - Wrong Notes

Ad Libitum - a Premiere

Aeolian Mode - How you like Mama's cherry pie

Agnus Dei - a famous female church composer

Allegro - Leg fertilizer

Altos - Not to be confused with "Tom's toes," "Bubba's toes" or "Dori-toes"

Arpeggio - Popular Childrens story (i.e. "Ain't that the storybook kid with the big nose that grows!?")

Audition - the act of putting oneself under extreme duress to satisfy the sadistic intentions of someone who has already made up his mind

Augmented Fifth - 32 Oz.

B


Bach Chorale - The place behind the barn where one keeps the horse

Bar Line - a gethering of people, usually among which may be found a musician

Bass - The things you run around in baseball

Bass Clef - Where you wind up if you happen to fall off (see also "clef")

Bassoon - Typical response when asked what you hope to catch, and when

Beat - What music students do to eachother with their insturments. The down beat is performed on top of the head, while the up beat is struck under the chin.

Big Band - When the bar pays enough to bring two banjo players

Bossa Nova - The car that your foreman drives

Breve - The Way a Sustained note sounds when you run out of Air

C


Cadence - When everyone hopes you're going to stop, but you don't

Cadenza - That ugly thing you clean all the dog's hair off of when company comes over

Cantus Firmus - medical term for "butt"

Cello - The proper way to answer the phone

Chromatics - According to the Theory of Evolution, one of the "missing links" between men and primates

Chromatic Scale - an instrument for weighing that indicates half-pounds

Clarinet - what you name your second daughter if you've already used Betty-Jo

Clef - Try not to fall off of one

Coloratura Soprano - a singer who has great trouble finding the proper note, but who has a wild time hunting for it

Conductor - 1. The Man who punches your Train Ticket OR 2. a Musician who is adept at following many other musicians at one time

Crescendo - a reminder that you have been playing too loud

Cut Time - what the Parole board gives you for good behavior

Cymbal - What they use on deer-crossing signs so you know what to sight-in your pistol with

D


Deceptive Cadence - When Everyone thinks you're going to stop but you don't

Detachi - An indication that the trombones are to play with their slides removed

Diatonic - Low-calorie Schweppes

Diction - That part of a singers performance that may be complemented when the rest of the recital sucked

Dischord - the opposite of Datchord

Diminished Fifth - An empty bottle of Jack Daniels (see also Perfect Fifth)

E


English Horn - A woodwind instrument so named because it is neither english nor a horn. Not to be confused with the French Horn, which is German.

Ensemble - 1. Any group of individual performers who are supposed to function as a group. 2. The feeling such groups generally lack

Enunciation - what is usually meant by the usage of Diction.

Expressivo - When a Singer closes his/her eyes and sings with a WIDE Vibrato

F


First Inversion - the Battle group your grandfather was in

French Horn - what your S.O. says you smell like when you come in at 4:00 AM

G


Glissando - A technique adopted by string players for difficult runs

H


Half Step - the pace used by a cellist when carrying their instrument

Hemiola - a rare blood disease caused by chromatics

Homophonic - Musicians who are afraid of gay men

I


Interval - the distance, real or imagined between two notes. (hey it doesnt' say anywhere they All have to be funny.

Isorhythmic Motet - when some members of the consort get a different Xerox than the others

J


there just ARE no J musical words...

K


Key - this word defies musical definition.

Kettledrums - drums that are not particularly useful as anything other than making noise (they make REALLY BAD expensive kettles)

L


Lamentoso - With Handkerchiefs

M


Major Scale - What you say after chasing something up a mountain (i.e. "That was a Major scale)

Melodic Minor - Loretta Lynn's singing dad

Metronome - a citty-dwelling dwarf

Middle C - The only fruit drink you can afford when food stamps are low

Minor Third - The approximate age and grade of a Music Major at the completion of formal schooling

Modes - the arrangement of notes before the invention of the Major and Minor scales...which caused the Modes to become OutModed

Modulation - the way you get from one key to another; unfortunately often a modulation is unsuccessful and ends up being atonal--a twelve car pile up as it were

Music - A complex organization of sound that is set down by the composer, incorrectly interpreted by the conductor, who is ignored by the musicians, the resulf of which is ignored by the audience

Music Stand - a complicated device for holding up music that rarely does its job. It always falls over at inopportune times; it comes in two sizes: too high, and too low.

Musica Ficta - When you lose your place in the music and start making up your part

N


Noise - a more accurate term for sound.

Nut - 1. a part of a violin. 2. uhh huh huh huh huh mmmm huh uhh huh

O


Oboe - An ill wind that nobody blows good

Order of Sharps - What a weenie orders at the bar

Ostinato - the capital of Texas

P


Passing Tone - Frequently heard near the baked beans at family barbecues

Perfect Fifth - A FULL bottle of Jack Daniels (see also Diminished Fifth)

Perfect Picth - The smooth coating on a freshly paved road

Pianissimo - "refill this beer bottle"

Plague - A collective noun, as in "a plague of conductors"

Polyphonic - music created by parrots

Portamento - a foreign country you've always wanted to visit

Portato - a staple food in Ireland and Russia. Often served Baked or Mashed

Prepatory beat - A threat made to singers (i.e. sing, OR ELSE...)

Prima Donna - Soprano who generally dies in the last act of an opera of consumption, or -- more frequently -- of overconsumption.

Q


Quarter Tone - What Most standard pickup trucks can haul

R


Recitative - a disease that Monteverdi had

Relative Major - An uncle in the Marines

Relative Minor - Your Ex-Girlfriend

Repeat - what you do until they expel you

Risoluto - indicates to the orchestra that they are to stubbornly maintain the correct tempo, no matter what the conductor tries to do

Ritard - every family has one; also Molto Ritard, a Big one of these

Rubato - German Measles

S


Sensa Sordino - a turm used to remind a Trumpet Player that he forgot to put his mute in a few measures back

Sforzando - Italian for sneeze

Sonata - What you get from a bad cold or hay fever

Staccato - How you did all the ceilings in your Mobile Home

String Quartet - a good violinist, a bad violinist, an ex-violinist, and someone who hates violinists, all getting together to complain about composers

Subito Piano - indicates an opportunity for some obscure orchestra player to become a featured soloist

T


Tempo - Good choice for a used car

Tenor - two hours before Nooner

Time Signature - What you need from your boss if you forget to clock in

Transpositions - Men who wear dresses

Treble - Women ain't nuthin' but

Tuba - Compound word (i.e. "hey Woman? didn't we have another tuba Toothpaste!?")

Tutti - character from the popular Television series "the Facts of Life"

U


U isn't a musical letter.

V


Vibrato - 1. What a singer uses to hide the fact that they are on the wrong pitch 2. The villain in Handel's opera "Arpeggio at Tessitura."

Virtuoso - a Musician with very high morals

W


Whole Note - What's due after failing to pay the mortgage for a year

Wrong Notes - this is a relative term. Wrong notes are wrong only if someone else says they're wrong. when a musician performs wrong notes he/she refers to them as "ornaments".

X,Y,Z


Xylophone - percussion instrument very useful in the X section of Music Dictionaries.

Z - what the audience collectively snores during an incredibly boring performance of even more incredibly obscure music.

that's the list so far...any corrections or additions can be mailed to Rene Echavarri

    *

Subject: RE: Hillbilly or Redneck Music Theory
From: oldhippie
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 03:22 PM

I thought the compound word "tuba" was a measure of length, such as tuba four, tuba six, etc.

Subject: RE: Hillbilly or Redneck Music Theory
From: Bill D
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 03:40 PM

No, it was NOT (IMO) worth posting the whole thing..that's what links are for.

...but who am I to judge great humor?

☺

Subject: RE: Hillbilly or Redneck Music Theory
From: katlaughing
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 03:41 PM

Well, Bill, I don't remember ever seeing it on the Mudcat before, so there ya go...IMO, it was worth it.**bg**

Subject: RE: Hillbilly or Redneck Music Theory
From: Bill D
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 03:44 PM

(I don't remember seeing Kant's Critique of Pure Reason here before, either....hold on...*grin*)

Subject: RE: Hillbilly or Redneck Music Theory
From: katlaughing
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 04:57 PM

(Dare ya!**bg**)

Subject: RE: Hillbilly or Redneck Music Theory
From: GUEST
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 07:19 PM

Some of the Bible's pretty funny.... especially in the several different translations.... prolly crash the Cat though....

~S~

Subject: RE: Hillbilly or Redneck Music Theory
From: Bill D
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 07:21 PM

Proverbs 13:3

Subject: RE: Hillbilly or Redneck Music Theory
From: Peace
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 07:27 PM

"C of P R" is 1.24 MB (on Project Gutenberg).

Subject: RE: Hillbilly or Redneck Music Theory
From: Peace
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 07:33 PM

I'd download "The Critique of Pure Reason", but it wouldn't be 'Practical', would it? -:)

Subject: RE: Hillbilly or Redneck Music Theory
From: Kudzuman
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 07:35 PM

Bless ya Katlaughing!! That's it!! Thanks!!

Kudzuman

Subject: RE: Hillbilly or Redneck Music Theory
From: Kudzuman
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 07:44 PM

WYSIWYG wrote:
Shall I ask my dear neighbors (who will not find it amusing)?

~Susan
------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you wish. I meant no disrespect, just the name of the list as it got sent to me. I do have neighbors who would like to shoot anyone of another ethnicity than themselves and think that passing gas is the funniest thing in the world, but what do I know? They kind of go in for dogfighting and cockfighting too, so maybe I should call them "terrorists"? Who knews!

Kudzuman

Subject: RE: Hillbilly or Redneck Music Theory
From: katlaughing
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 07:49 PM

Kudzman, you are welcome, but it was leeneia who found it and posted the link. I just copied it to Mudcat.

Thanks for asking, I'd never seen it before!

kat

Subject: RE: Hillbilly or Redneck Music Theory
From: M.Ted
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 09:25 PM

I am thinking that a line from Shakespeare, to the effect that "Brevity is the soul of wit" is appropriate here. should I post "The Complete Works"?

Subject: RE: Hillbilly or Redneck Music Theory
From: Azizi
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 09:38 PM

I thought that list was pretty witty.

Here's a possible addition-how bout "Jams" for a musical "J" word?

Instead of "jams" meaning "music" or "songs" or "playing music just for the fun of it" or this definition: http://www.answers.com/topic/jam-session?cat=entertainment or this one for jam bands: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=jam+band , the Hillbilly or Redneck Music theory could say something likeL

"Jams"- "another name for jelly that goes well with peanut butter and bread" [yeah it needs some work but you get my drift]

or

"Jams" -another name for sweet potatoes

[as in "Yams"]

Ya see where I'm comin from?

And personally, I think that the Hillbilly or Redneck Music Theory missed out on an obvious play on words with the entry for "Coloratura Soprano" when they didn't say anything like
"A Colored bull fighting opera singer"...

Subject: RE: Hillbilly or Redneck Music Theory
From: Sorcha
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 11:42 PM

LOL, Zi...but my dear, they are being Correct! (hee hee)

Subject: RE: Hillbilly or Redneck Music Theory
From: Azizi
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 11:51 PM

Yeah but they didn't mind playing on the word "transvestite" with their definition for "Transpositions - Men who wear dresses".

I guess since race is such an emotionally charged subject, it's difficult to know when and how it's cool to joke about it.

Subject: RE: Hillbilly or Redneck Music Theory
From: GUEST,crazy little woman
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 10:23 AM

I got some good chuckles from the dictionary, but I wouldn't want to be around when they try deer hunting with a pistol. (See "cymbals.")