BS: Standard experiences you have missed

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: katlaughing
Date: 28 Dec 07 - 12:08 AM

Thought of a couple more:

Never watched a daytime soap opera.

Never used any illicit drugs, not even pot.

I also have never watched Schindler's List.

Never had a passport, though I hope I have reason to in the next few years. (No, not deportation, visiting Mudcat friends abroad!)

Never not had a cat!

Never met my paternal grandparents. They died before I was born.

Never had a relative at Ellis Island.

Never just gone by one name.:-)

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Donuel
Date: 27 Dec 07 - 11:30 PM

Visiting the 50th state.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: GUEST,Shimrod
Date: 27 Dec 07 - 05:55 PM

I thank God that I've never had to fight in a battle. And when my Dad died a few years ago, and I gave the eulogy at his funeral, I thanked God that he had never had to fight in a battle either!

I've never actually been to North, South or Central America - or Africa or Australia, for that matter - just never got round to it.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: autolycus
Date: 27 Dec 07 - 02:42 PM

To respond directly to the specific question:-

   I have never owned a house

   I've never got drunk
   
   I've never been unfaithful.

   I've never really worried about public status

   Never held a dinner party

   Never spent more than £600 on anything

   Never owned a new car

   Never hit anybody (cept my Dad slightly once, by accident as art of telling a joke.

   Never bought a celebrity mag

   Never bought a new TV

   Never owned a drinks cabinet

   Never thought that a woman who is funny ha-ha is strange

   Never bought a packet of cigarettes

   Never been to a classical music concert in dressy evening wear

   Never gone to see a horror film

   Any number of standard films I haven't seen, books I haven't read.

   Never bought a new pop music disc (pop in widest sense)

   Never said to anyone "I hate you", alas. Great failing.


    Ivor

   Never owned a store card

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Mr Red
Date: 27 Dec 07 - 02:33 PM

Knowing a father (he died when I was 9 months old) yeah I missed him for sure. Once I was old enough to appreciate what it was I missed.

Illegal drugs - no I won't feel in any way deprived for that.

Owning a TV - but then I have owned 4 TV cards for PC's and several video recorders. Mostly to listen to digital radio of course - wouldn't wanna miss Garisson Keillor.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: RangerSteve
Date: 27 Dec 07 - 02:07 PM

I've never been to Mexico, which isn't really a standard experience, but as my dad's parents were from Mexico, everyone thinks I should be in love with the place.

Never had a passport - all my overseas traveling was done in the U.S. Navy.

Graduated College, been married or had kids. Never knew either of my grandfathers. Haven't met all my aunts, uncles or cousins. Never saw "Shindler's List" or "Ghandi". Never broke a bone in my body.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 27 Dec 07 - 11:43 AM

Just thought of a new one yesterday: I have never ridden a snowmobile. That's a pretty common experience if you live in Minnesota. I could also say I've never ridden an ATV or a Jet ski. I have never downhill-skied. I did try ice-fishing once and hated it.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: GUEST,slag
Date: 27 Dec 07 - 07:11 AM

Little Hawk, you whore! You said I was the only one!

STANDARD experiences? Sorry, I think I've had them all. Non-standard? Most of them too. Things you wouldn't believe. I'll check the statutes of limitations on some of them and get back to this, maybe.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 27 Dec 07 - 05:51 AM

I have missed [not] 'The Sound of Music.
I have not seen, any of the 'Rocky' films, the Terminator, or any of the modern genre of violent films.
I grew up in Glasgow, and never did find violence entertaining.
G

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: katlaughing
Date: 27 Dec 07 - 12:39 AM

Kendall, I LIKED your joke, even if nobody else noticed it!

LH said, I skipped the light fantastic on the sidewalks of New York. . You might skip, but I think the expression is tripped, though I don't know why you'd want to trip a light, unless it was some hunky guy lighting a ciggie for you and you didn't want him to go away, so you could trip him and miss getting your ciggie lit, but get the guy, or I dunno...it's making m'head hurt!

I have never

graduated from high school (did get a GED) or college
worked my way up a corporate ladder
been arrested
had a moving violation ticket
skied, water or downhill (odd when one grew up in Colorado!)

been out of the United States, except maybe when I was a few months old and mom and dad drove into Canada from where we lived in North Dakota, not sure if they did or not

grown my hair as long as I would like it to be
played soccer


I think it'd be a lot easier to list the things I have done!

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Joe Offer
Date: 27 Dec 07 - 12:08 AM

I've never tried marijuana...

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: TRUBRIT
Date: 26 Dec 07 - 11:23 PM

owning real estate ain't so bad............I can vouch for it........

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Joe_F
Date: 26 Dec 07 - 08:21 PM

watched or listened to a talk show
owned real estate
been kicked in the ass
lost a file on my computer

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Oct 07 - 10:09 PM

To the best of my knowledge I have never deliberately killed anyone.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 Oct 07 - 06:57 PM

I have never been homeless and never gone hungry. This is apparently a common experience even here in the US.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Oct 07 - 09:23 PM

I rescued a very large cockroach once from drowning! I bet not many can say that. It was a Mexican cockroach, and its descendants are probably happily roaming the shower stalls in Cuernevaca to this very day.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: *Laura*
Date: 18 Oct 07 - 08:27 PM

eww Liz I have. I've nearly stepped on them barefoot. eurgh.

I'd say I've missed about half of these 'standard experiences' so far. But there is still plenty of time for me to get divorced or be sued.... actually - out of most of these I think I've missed more of the ones I don't mind missing... and I haven't missed quite a few of the fun ones! So far......
Lets hope it stays that way....

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: GUEST,Frogprince, at a hostel in San Francisco
Date: 18 Oct 07 - 12:17 PM

Well, I can't say I've never had my bikini area shaved. (I had a vasectomy)

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 18 Oct 07 - 02:10 AM

I've never seen a cockroach that wasn't in a zoo, but I can't say as I missed the experience.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Oct 07 - 09:21 PM

So my brother could say, "I never shaved my legs" even though they WERE shaved by a nurse to get material for his heart bypasses? (Not for the leg hairs, but the big vein inside.)

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 17 Oct 07 - 07:31 PM

There is an excellent party game called "Deprived"—anyone played it?

You start by passing out a number of tokens to every participant. They could be anything—poker chips, playing cards, whatever. Then you take turns naming one thing you have never done. (You must be honest.) Then everyone who HAS done that thing has to give you a token. If you run out of tokens, you're out of the game. Keep going until one person has all the tokens (or you get bored).

Only one topic should be forbidden, and that is, experiences (non-experiences?) that follow common gender-stereotypes. For instance, it would be unfair for a man to say "I have never shaved my legs" or for a woman to say "I have never shaved my face." If that were allowed, the result would be very predictable and BORING.

On the other hand, it would be OK for a woman to say "I have never shaved my legs" or for a man to say "I have never shaved my face"—as long as those statements were true, of course.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Bill D
Date: 17 Oct 07 - 02:00 PM

I have never posted to a Mudcat thread without reading all of it first.....















I have also never told a bigger lie than the above...

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 17 Oct 07 - 09:40 AM

married
had children
had a passport
travelled outside Australia - I haven't travelled much in Oz, either
owned a television (tho I did have custody of my brother's old TV in 1978 when he was overseas but it died within a few months)
owned a mobile (cell) phone
had a speeding ticket (almost did once, I was keeping up with the car in front, not much over the limit, when I saw a cop car behind me - eeeek, if I put on the brakes they'll see - what'll I do - slow down - phew - big grin of relief - looked out the window, saw the cop grinning at me, then they pulled over the car in front and I drove home at least 5 miles under the limit.)

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: TheSnail
Date: 17 Oct 07 - 09:01 AM

Yet.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Oct 07 - 08:44 AM

I've never borne Little Hawk's child.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: TheSnail
Date: 17 Oct 07 - 06:19 AM

Rapaire

Cutty Sark, for those who have never seen her trim lines.

You can clearly see that she's a ship.... if not two.... bobbing up and down on the sea.... oops! She's capsized.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Joe_F
Date: 16 Oct 07 - 11:19 PM

I have never eaten possum or groundhog, despite the songs.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Genie
Date: 16 Oct 07 - 10:38 PM

Gee, "standard" experiences I have missed?

I have never:

- been married
- borne children
- run a marathon (pretty much the same as the last thing, I'm told)
-lost my virginity in the back of a Chevvy (or any other car, for that matter)

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 16 Oct 07 - 06:58 PM

I have never:
Attended a professional football game
Had major surgery (assuming a tonsillectomy at age 5 doesn't count)
Been tattooed
Had anything pierced
Skinny-dipped
Knowingly cheated on my income tax
Killed a mammal (At age about 10, I shot and killed a baby red-wing blackbird with a BB gun, and felt so bad about it that I never hunted again.)
Had a sister or daughter
Used LSD or cocaine. (Come to think of it, maybe it's only because nobody ever offered me any.)
* * *
According to Minnesota law, it's adultery if the woman is married. If the woman isn't married, it's only fornication. At least, that's the way it was when I looked it up many years ago.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Oct 07 - 04:46 PM

Cutty Sark, for those who have never seen her trim lines.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: kendall
Date: 16 Oct 07 - 04:17 PM

I coul;d have sworn that Donald McKay was born in Scotland and emigrated to Canada as a boy.

As they say, It's not what you don't know that hurts you...it's what you are sure of that is not so.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: kendall
Date: 16 Oct 07 - 04:12 PM

I miss spoke indeed. Cutty Sark is a CLIPPER SHIP, not a schooner.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Oct 07 - 04:01 PM

I dunno, Ebbie. Sometimes the things on folks' "never" lists are there on purpose. ☺ Cigarettes and Persimmons and certain long series of books included. (I have read "Bored of the Rings", by the National Lampoon...maybe it spoiled me.)

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Ebbie
Date: 16 Oct 07 - 03:23 PM

Taking Bill D to task here: (Never) "eaten a Persimmon..." They grow wild alongside Virginia roads, you know, Bill. I'm sure the same is true of Maryland. Now, granted, these are not the 3/4 pound honkers they produce in California but they are persimmons, for a' that.

As to Tolkien with all those folks from Middle Earth, read The Hobbits first; it is probably the best. The series are great fun, though. I resisted a co-worker's admonitions for months until finally he bought The Hobbits and gave it to me. Subsequently I of course went out and bought everything Tolkien wrote.

You are limiting yourself, Bill. (Want me to send you The Hobbit?)

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Oct 07 - 02:31 PM

ahem! In the spirit of the original question...(a thing sadly ignored by various unnamed varlots)...

I have never:
smoked a cigarette, seen an Flying Saucer..(though I have seen UFOs..(unidentified frying objects), read all them books by Mr. Tolkien about Hobbits and stuff, had frostbite, Remembered the Maine..(or even the Alamo, I guess), tied a yellow ribbon around anything, been on skis, been paid for singing...(umm..nor been paid NOT to sing), been out of North America...(damn it!), watched a complete episode of The Simpsons, had a blood transfusion, run a serious LONG race, parachuted...(why would anyone want to get OUT of a perfectly good plane?), broken any bones...mine or others, had a crew cut, bought OR sold dope (free is different), gotten my thrill on Blueberry Hill, been proselytized at by the Salvation Army..(they ignored me), eaten a Persimmon...or a turnip, and....I'm very sure I have never had sex with Little Hawk....the line was too long.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Oct 07 - 02:17 PM

I've never peed in a beautiful green boat.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 16 Oct 07 - 01:36 PM

I've never gone to sea in a beautiful pea-green boat.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Oct 07 - 01:03 PM

If I go to sea it will be WITH Cutty Sark -- in a bottle -- and not ON her.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Amos
Date: 16 Oct 07 - 12:59 PM

Rapaire, once, when feeling quite lunar
Went to sea, with a banjo and tuner.
But it wasn't a bark --
'Twas the old Cutty Sark!
A clipper ship, sir, not a schooner!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Oct 07 - 12:53 PM

Consumed with chimpanical lust
Chongo thought his tool covered with rust,
So he buggered a Hawk
Three swans and and dawk
And a little green lizard, what bust.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Oct 07 - 11:52 AM

What is all this stuff about having sex with Little Hawk? ;-)

I guess I should be flattered, but the truth is...there are only a select and very lucky few in this world who have had sex with Little Hawk...and I ain't sayin' who they are!

Then there are those who have had sex with Chongo Chimp, and they are of several species. Ask around downtown Chicago if you want more details.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: TheSnail
Date: 16 Oct 07 - 11:34 AM

The Cutty Sark a Schooner?

And just to answer Rapaire's original comment about schooner and junk rigged.

I've never had sex with Little Hawk either. Yet.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: kendall
Date: 16 Oct 07 - 10:31 AM

Raparie, A sheet is a rope, not a sail.

One rule of thumb is, A ship can carry a boat, but a boat can not carry a ship.
In the days of sail, a ship was "ship rigged" that is, three masts, square rigged. If rigged any other way, it is not a ship. It would be a Barque, schooner, brig or variations on those.

The name "schooner" comes from old Scottish word to schoon. A verb referring to moving fast over the water. And, of course, the schooner could sail circles around ships and sail much closer to the wind.
Donald McKay, a Scot, designed some of the fastest schooners ever built.The Cutty Sark was one of his most famous.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: TheSnail
Date: 16 Oct 07 - 10:13 AM

This is a ship.

I took the helm in the North Sea and didn't hit anything.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Oct 07 - 09:05 AM

So the water-borne vessel we made as kids was a ship because it had three masts.

It wasn't very big and it sank very shortly after launch, but it had three masts with square sheets except for the mizzenmast, which had a couple old pillow cases. It also had a jib, but that doesn't count because we'd confused "jib" and "head". She was christened "USSHMS Thundermug" and sank on her maiden voyage.

I'm a plank owner, but you'll have to get the plank out of my brothers back porch if you want it.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: kendall
Date: 16 Oct 07 - 08:10 AM

Not to put too fine a point on it,ships have three masts. They are square rigged except for the spanker, the rearmost sail which is rigged for and aft.

A brig has two masts, square rigged.
A Briganteen has two masts, the fore mast is square rigged and the main mast is fore and aft. It's also called an "Hermaphrodite brig."

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Oct 07 - 12:46 PM

No, we came on Viking. And yes, that's me without my glasses.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: PMB
Date: 15 Oct 07 - 10:37 AM

Did your ancestors come on Saga tours then?

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: TheSnail
Date: 15 Oct 07 - 09:23 AM

..anyway, those aren't ships, they're longboats.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: TheSnail
Date: 15 Oct 07 - 09:21 AM

Yeah, we had a lot of trouble with the likes of you in my ancestral home, the Isle of Man.

Is this you?

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Oct 07 - 09:21 AM

My ancestors, after touring England, came up with the family motto:

Herfang, nauðga og þá brenna.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Oct 07 - 09:16 AM

Single masted ship. Just like the ones my tourist ancestors used to get to England, Scotland, Ireland, and other places.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: TheSnail
Date: 15 Oct 07 - 09:09 AM

You don't get one masted ships and...

I'll get me sou'wester.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Oct 07 - 09:04 AM

That's brilliant, Rap! ;-) Can you also tell the difference between a pear and an avocado?

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Oct 07 - 08:55 AM

Yeah, I know. That's how I can tell the difference. I can also tell the difference been one, two, and three masted ships...which is pretty good for someone who grew up around motorboats, rowboats, and canoes.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: GUEST,The blavk belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 15 Oct 07 - 07:43 AM

I have seen the Eifel tower but never set foot in France (flew over Paris on way back from Malta).
I have never been drunk or had a hangover (I can't stand the taste of alcohol, and don't tell me it has no taste, some people just can't taste it).
I have never had even a drag on a cigarette (just in case I liked it).
I have never broken a bone (that I know of) except for some small bits of tooth sockets that have been broken off by the dentist during extractions.
I have never been on any two wheeled motorised transport.

I did see a Crosti 9F in service!

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 15 Oct 07 - 02:40 AM

I've never kicked anyone in the knadgers (deliberately) although the number of deserving candidates I know is legion.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Barry Finn
Date: 15 Oct 07 - 01:18 AM

Funny how some things come about (sailor's pun). I believe Naemanson was raised on a junk rigged schooner, not a standard experience.

Barry

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Ebbie
Date: 15 Oct 07 - 12:35 AM

Query: Why were the big canvas covered wagons of early US settlers headed west called 'prairie schooners'?

('Cause they couldn't be called 'rowboats'?)

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 14 Oct 07 - 03:32 PM

a trick question...?

a schooner is a large glass of sherry

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: TheSnail
Date: 14 Oct 07 - 03:14 PM

Rapaire

I can tell the difference between a ship being schooner and junk rigged

Perfectly possible for a schooner to be junk rigged. Schooner is about masts; junk rigged is about sails.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Oct 07 - 02:53 PM

I've never served in the Navy, Marines, or Air Faorce.
I've never climbed the highest mast or even the lowest mast, but I can tell the difference between a ship being schooner and junk rigged.
And I've never had sex with Little Hawk and don't plan to do so.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Oct 07 - 01:21 PM

We have a paper like that here in Canada. It's called the Toronto Sun. Excellent for wrapping fish, starting fires, plugging leaky spots around your windows, giving the puppy something to pee on...

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 14 Oct 07 - 12:51 PM

There used to be a newspaper called The Lincolnshire Standard. As I recall - it was quite good for lighting the fire, but it got newsprint on the greaseproof paper your chips were wrapped in. And that didn't please everyone.

I bet many people outside Lincolnshire missed out on that Standard experience.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Donuel
Date: 14 Oct 07 - 09:09 AM

Standard.

one man's standard is another...

I have never piloted a plane or been to the tropics anywhere on the globe including Madagascar.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Oct 07 - 03:48 AM

I have never been kicked in the balls by one of Mick Jagger's bodyguards. A casual acquaintance of mine, however, did have that very experience back in the 70's sometime, and he has hated Mick Jagger ever since. I don't know what he did to provoke the bodyguard, but I'm quite sure he must have done something. Whatever it was, he would never admit to it.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Oct 07 - 10:54 PM

I once threw a baseball through a window and ran home. Unfortunately, "home" and "window" referred to the same house.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Oct 07 - 10:02 PM

Wow. Now there's a memory. I did hit a home run just once...back in '73. I was very, very surprised when it happened too.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: GUEST,Ed
Date: 13 Oct 07 - 09:50 PM

Hitting a home run

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Oct 07 - 09:23 PM

I've never visited the island of Cuba, but I've been to Havana, Illinois. Likewise, I've been to Dingle, County Kerry, Ireland several times but never to Dingle, Idaho.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Oct 07 - 03:41 PM

Yeah, Cuba is pretty cool that way, and in some other ways too.

How about that woman who sang "I've Never Been To Me"?

After you listen to the whole damn thing through, you can sort of understand why. They used to play it on some local radio station here. It has to be heard to be believed.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Rog Peek
Date: 13 Oct 07 - 01:10 PM

Been to Cuba.

Wanted to.
For the music?
Maybe.
For the Old Cars?
Absolutely!

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: fat B****rd
Date: 13 Oct 07 - 12:58 PM

I have never

Seen The Eiffel Tower-but I've been to Paris
Seen The Pyramids-but I've beeen to Egypt
Sent a text message-but I've got a mobile 'phone
Driven a car
Watched "Friends"
Been to Blackpool
Watched "Big Brother"
Laughed at "Chubby" Brown
Been to a Folk Club-but used to know people who went to them
Ben in a real fight-and am glad of it.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: M.Ted
Date: 13 Oct 07 - 12:33 PM

As for me, I have never told a convoluted story to set up a bad pun;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Neil D
Date: 13 Oct 07 - 12:23 PM

I always wondered what was meant by "go take a flying f*ck".

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: catspaw49
Date: 13 Oct 07 - 08:53 AM

.............uh, yeah........Well like I said I was drunk at the time and to tell the truth the only one who didn't seem to enjoy it was Nell. I think she was frigid or something.........Mr. Peabody on the other hand was a wild one from years of having more than his belly rubbed by Sherman. And old Rocky was pretty cool too. When you came that damn squirrel would shoot off your willie and go flying off doing loops up to 5000 feet and then a rolling Immelman into his landing......It was really far out.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Oct 07 - 08:31 AM

Yeah, but Rocky, Mr. Peabody and, worst of all, both Nell and Dudley's horse? Oh yeah, there are pictures....

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: catspaw49
Date: 13 Oct 07 - 08:19 AM

You can't hold that one as ransom anymore Rap. I owned up to the Bullwinkle episode years ago. Yeah, it was wrong but I was drunk and he was in drag.........I mean, whatcha' gonna' do in that situation?   Dressed like he was in that Streisand pussycat outfit while I was being heavily influenced by Mr. Daniel......Well, the whole thing was pretty inevitable..................

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Oct 07 - 08:09 AM

Remember, Spaw -- the negatives of you and the Bullwinkle the Moose balloon are still in the possession of Certain People. If you are wise you'll make the payments on time....

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 13 Oct 07 - 02:00 AM

I've never seen 'It's a Wonderful Life' either. Leastways, not all the way through. Or even all of it in bits.

I've never read an Agatha Christie book either, although I love that sort of early 20th Century detective fiction.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: John Hardly
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 10:57 PM

I pick my own euphemisms when it comes to screwing moose. My own ladder too.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 10:03 PM

The thing about the stepladder technique is that the moose has to be in a cooperative mood. Otherwise it's almost guaranteed to fail. It helps to bring candy, flowers, that kind of thing. Some of them go for poetry, just like Roxanne on her balcony.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: catspaw49
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 09:49 PM

Yeah Rap.......that's the moose alright, but notice that I, being well equipped, didn't have or need a step ladder. Notice too how satisfied the moose is...........

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 09:25 PM

Spaw knows whereof he speaks when it comes to screwing moose. I searched high and low, through many a tome of obscure and forgotten lore, and finally located this long-lost picture of Spaw, which was taken immediately after he had "done" an ordinary, average-sized, Ohio moose.

Ha! Spaw, you thought all copies had been destroyed, didn't you? Well, this will teach you to be late with your payments.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: catspaw49
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 09:06 PM

Maybe not Joe, but have you ever used a step ladder to screw a moose?

(Betcha' never thought this thread would be so weird didja'???)

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Joe_F
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 08:33 PM

I have never even *used* a cellphone.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 06:05 PM

Yes, I know about that, weelittle. ;-) But I think what Jesus had in mind when he gave that teaching was coaching his followers on how to discipline their minds and control their thinking...rather than laying down some specific rules about adultery. That's my opinion. It had to be a parable of that sort...because EVERYBODY has thought about it.

Regarding the moose being too tall, John...ever consider the creative uses of a stepladder?

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 05:54 PM

you know what jesus says, if you think about it, you've done it!

its satan! with a red hot poker up the roozle for you!

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: kendall
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 04:27 PM

I guess I did lie a little.


Some years ago now, a big woolen mill in Germany went out of business because of foreign competition, and the whole mill complex was purchased by a world famous dog breeder. He raised a special breed of hunting dog, and he also trained them and boarded them for wealthy customers.
Within 6 months his new business had grown so much that it even had an effect on the local economy. In fact, it was such a success, it made the headlines in the local newspaper, which said:


wait for it











THE MILLS ARE ALIVE WITH THE HOUNDS OF MUNICH

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: catspaw49
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 04:10 PM

So one is a Moose........so what? Maybe the other belongs to the Eastern Star. Or maybe the Moose is also a Rotarian while another may be with the Kiwanis. I don't think that has anything to do with it Hawk.......unless of course the Moose is buttfucked by a Warthog as in Gargoyle's case.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: John Hardly
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 04:08 PM

"What if one of the participants is a moose? "

Just guessing here, mind you...

...but I'd answer: Then the other participant would have to be very tall. I've heard that moose cows can be very uncooperative. That's right isn't it, Rapaire?

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 04:04 PM

Ha! Ha! No, I'm asking seriously here...is it only adultery if you're married? What if one person is married and the other isn't? What if one of the participants is a moose?

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 03:56 PM

Little Hawk trancends such earthly concerns so no, it doesn't count.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 03:55 PM

Does committing adultery with Little Hawk count? I'm just curious, mind you.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 03:49 PM

I've never gotten a speeding ticket either. Could have on a few occasions, although I don't tend to drive overly fast...but I was lucky on those occasions, I guess.

How exactly do we define "adultery"? Do you have to be married?

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 03:19 PM

never been arrested but if some things that happened in the 70's happened now I probably would be (times have changed)
never commited adultery (is that a standard experience?)
have taken recreational drugs (see the first line of this entry)
I have roller skated but never ice skated
never been divorced (getting divorced seems to be a pretty standard thing)
I own a cell phone but only because I got a discount through work, my wife carries it
have a TV but no cable or any such thing (I think cable is pretty standard outside of Mudcat)
never gotten a speeding ticket (three warnings)

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 03:12 PM

being a pretty ploughboy
getting transported for poaching
getting captured by the press gang forced to plough the raging seas
dancing a jig
being down a coalmine during a pit explosion
being a three loom weaver
hopping on freight train
hunting buffalo
harpooning a whale
not keen on country roads taking me home either - I prefer the M1

no wonder the world of folkmusic is a closed book to me.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Ebbie
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 03:08 PM

Let's see:

I have never

been arrested,
committed adultery,
taken any recreational drugs other than alcohol and tobacco,
acquired any graduation certificates,
been abroad (Been a broad, though, most of my life),
been in a hot air balloon (If I get a chance, I'll go),
rollerskated.

There are a lot of other standard experiences I haven't had; I'll think on it.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 02:39 PM

I've never driven anything that could remotely be described as a "sports car". I've also never driven a motorcycle on a roadway, though I've driven off-road dirt-bikes numerous times.

I've never had my pocket picked, but I have been robbed at gunpoint. If I have a choice, I'll take the pick-pocket next time.

Woodstock was too damned far away from Florida, but I did make it to the Atlanta Pop Festival (which by some estimations had more attendees than Woodstock) the following year.

I've never been arrested, though I "passed" a couple of roadside sobriety tests by the skin of my teeth. I'm sure that given the same circumstances with today's lower impairment tolerances, I would have been carted off.

I've lived in Florida my entire life, but I've never seen a rocket launch or attempted surfing or SCUBA diving.

I've never seen a live moose, even in a zoo.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 02:26 PM

My great-uncle was a cemetery sexton; he lived on the premises and decorated for Christmas with a string of empty wine bottles. Anyway, he found conclusive evidence that young ladies and gentlemen were using "his" cemetery for, ah, purposes more related to life than to death. One night he hid himself behind a large gravestone, and around midnight a young woman and her beau came a sat down with their backs against the stone.

Giggling, they exchanged a few coy smooches, and then he said, "But aren't you afraid of ghosts?"

At which point my great-uncle appeared from behind the gravestone and shouted, "I'll ghost you, you son-of-a-bitch!"

It is said that the couple was still running when they hit the Mississippi River.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: MBSLynne
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 02:02 PM

I LOVE the Sound of Music!!!!

Sorry Spaw, I was in Australia 30 to 40 years ago so it can't have been you.....can it?

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 01:22 PM

I have done the same with several pillow tags. I am well armed and fortified here, for when they come to get me.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 01:20 PM

I ripped the tag off a mattress.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 01:19 PM

Yeah, but did you do it in your underwear?

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 01:16 PM

I was unaware that LH had any frontal lobes left after the operation and all.

I've rappelled down a cliff in the rain (150 - 200 feet high) using clothesline and no harness, but I don't recommend it to anyone.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 12:45 PM

You made up Chinga, Amos, I didn't. You invented Chinga one day in a puerile attempt to insult Chongo. You are a rapscallion, a nullifidian, a maundering fitch, and a shuffling, bat-faced, dunderheaded kvetchmacher.

Furthermore, William Shatner IS real...and larger than life. ;-) Everybody knows that.

You have lost your grip on reality, my good sir, and it only awaits now for your near relatives or some other thoughtful and responsible people to have you safely confined in the upstairs room of a mouldering country mansion, chained behind a heavy locked door like some nameless abomination in an H.P. Lovecraft story, there to live out your remaining days and hopefully not embarass the family or cause any public mayhem.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: frogprince
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 12:28 PM

Faskinaitin'....
I was actually moved to take notes throughout the thread. Of all the experiences listed that are really common, if not definitely " standard", I have missed out on:
Having my pocket picked
Opera
Ballet
Lawsuit
Owning a Cellphone (my wife has one)
Piercing or tattoo
being arrested
having progeny
water skiing
divorce
adultry.

I have painted my toenails (once for Halloween)
I have been aloft in a balloon
I have seen my sister in the raw. (I have glimmers of very
    early memory, and there were moments when I was a little perv of
    9 or 10, she was 15 or 16, and we had to bath from a washpan in
    the corner of the living room that was out of sight from the
    kitchen. We were both very near-sighted. If I stuck my head   
    around the door with my eyes narrowed down, when she had her
    glasses off, she though my eyes were closed, and she only got a
    little ticked off for being teased.)

When I was 30 years old, it occured to me that I had never owned a bicycle or flown a kite. I made a point of doing both just after that.
    I've sailed to distant shores, I've slept on dusty floors
                      Dean

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Ebbie
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 11:45 AM

What a great way to wake up! I'm sitting here all alone with just my dog and cat and my coffee- no Little Hawk here - and chortling.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 11:33 AM

Yeah, Amos, I'm just funning with him. I love LH, in fact we are having sex right now.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Becca72
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 11:17 AM

God, I hope not, Alba! I'll find a way out of that room somehow

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Amos
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 11:14 AM

KB:

LH does NOT make things up...at least that is what he keeps telling himself. If he thought for a minute that his constellation of vibrant, vivid characters was fiction, he'd probably have to shoot himself in disgust. As far as he is concerned, Shane, Chongo, Chongo's sister Chinga, and William Shatner are quite real. So can readily say "I am not making this up", because no inkling of actually making stuff up can be allowed into his forebrain.

But this is a touchy area, best handled only by professionals.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Alba
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 11:13 AM

Your young yet Becca...there is still plenty of time for you to maybe, one day, find yourself trapped in a room with the Von Trapp Family playing on a TV screen, dressed in Outfits made from Bedroom curtains and Yodeling for all they are worth.
How could you possibly want to miss that experience!
A belwildered Jude :>)

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Becca72
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 11:04 AM

I have never seen Sound of Music all the way through, either. And I've also never watched Its a Wonderful Life.

I have seen all of the Nightmare on Elm Street movies, though :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: John Hardly
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 10:59 AM

The hills are alive.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 10:39 AM

"(this really happened, I'm not making it up)"

Are you implying that you did make up all the rest of the stuff you have posted? Just wondering.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 10:11 AM

I've sure as hell never seen "The Sound of Music" all the way through, I can tell you that! Jeezus! Five minutes of it is about all I can handle. They were playing it on an overhead video screen in a hobby shop one time..."Wheels and Wings" in Toronto. Intolerable. I wanted to spend about half an hour looking at all the model kits, so I went and begged them to turn the movie off. They did, and the other customers all cheered! ;-) (this really happened, I'm not making it up)

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: bobad
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 10:05 AM

I' always claiming that I'm probably the only person in the world who has never seen the movie "The Sound Of Music". I have never watched "Star Trek" either.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: catspaw49
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 10:02 AM

Geeziz Lynne.....Did WE have sex? I thought things like the trunk(boot) and roof plus the gravestone were kinda' unique........So where were you back, say, 30 to 40 years ago???? LOL

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: MBSLynne
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 09:55 AM

Hmmm that all makes me feel quite good since I've done heaps of those things. Though I've never had sex with Little Hawk. I've had sex in the back seat of a car...and the front and the roof and the boot, and on a gravestone, on the beach...er...shall I stop there? Gods I hope my Mudcatter kids don't read this!

I've never owned an iPod or a dishwasher or a motorbike. Never been mugged or burgled.

This is all very negative. I'm going to compile a list of things I HAVE done and post it later!

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Amos
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 09:54 AM

Barry,

I agree. Blood brothers, but not spit brothers. LOL!


A

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: M.Ted
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 09:44 AM

The reason Little Hawk has been so promiscuous is that he doesn't have a TV.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 09:33 AM

LOL! Geez...it's starting to feel like old times around here...

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: catspaw49
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 09:26 AM

"I never bedded no spot counters, as far as I know. Seems to me they were much more involved than that."

Yeah Amos, but involved with what?   Reading the phone book? Doing her nails? Hell, I remember one time you said you were in a menage a trois but it turned out that your date had called a friend to play Scrabble while she was waiting on your Viagra to work.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Amos
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 09:08 AM

I had no idea Little Hawk had been so promiscuous and wanton in his ways. Even KENDALL! My god. I am going to have to rethink some things here. I mean, really. This changes the fundamentals. What kind of a place is this, anyway?

I never bedded no spot counters, as far as I know. Seems to me they were much more involved than that.

'Course, ya never really know... :D



A

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 08:57 AM

Aw, c'mon, Spaw. You're already known far and wide as a total jackoff, right? ;-)

But seriously, man...I too was a bit puzzled the first time I heard the expression "throw a fuck". I heard it from Jim. Jim was a real classic blue collar semi-reformed hellraiser from Newmarket, Ontario. He was the kind of guy who would fit in great in Rapaire's Idaho Legion...he had all the macho qualifications. Mind you, Jim was not stupid, not at all, but he was relentlessly rough hewn, pretty much "uneducated" in the academic sense, very streetwise in both inclination and manner.

We were working together at the gas station on Highway 11. Jim found me intriguing, because I'm totally opposite to him in just about every way. I found him intriguing for the same reason. I'm a thinker who likes to read esoteric literature. Jim's a man of action who likes to fix old cars, drink, and party.

At any rate, Jim had a lot of salty expressions and most of them had something to do with sex.

He would observe female customers like a pirate assessing the value of a harborfront cargo, and he would make various deadpan wisecracks out of their hearing...

"I'd f*ck her on a dime..." was one of his favorites. It meant "at a moment's notice"..."anywhere, any time, any acceptable method".

"She's a spot counter." he observed one day, as a well-dressed woman marched busily back to her car.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"She's the type," he said, with the air of a man who knows whereof he speaks, "who, yer throwin' her a f*ck and she's lookin' at the ceiling and counting the spots! She's goin' one..........two..............three....(very bored tone of voice)"

I burst out laughing. "Oh, you mean she's frigid, do you? How can you tell?"

"Simple," he said. "I can spot that type a mile away. Her ass is so tight it would bust a broom handle."

Jim was always quite sure about things like that.

So, anyway, that was the first time I ever heard that expression you alluded to, Spaw, and in fact Jim remains the only person I have ever heard it from to this day, but I'm sure he's not alone.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 08:54 AM

My research shows conclusively that 92.7% of everyone in North American and 87.3% of everyone in the UK and Europe has had sex with Little Hawk.

The research also clearly demonstrates that 7.3% of everyone in North America and 12.7% of everyone in the UK and Europe are in their right minds.

Research in other parts of the world is continuing.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: John Hardly
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 08:39 AM

okay, apparently kendall has had his way with Little Hawk as well.

Trollop.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: John Hardly
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 08:38 AM

So I guess I'm the only one who's had sex with Little Hawk then?

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: kendall
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 08:38 AM

I've done all those things. You haven't missed much.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Becca72
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 08:30 AM

I've never had an operation (other than wisdom teeth)
I did not go to Woodstock (wasn't born yet)
I've never had sex in a car (front OR back seat)
I've never peed outside
I've never had sex with Little Hawk
I've never been married
I've never had children (and I plan to continue that one)
I've never left North America (sadly)
I've never been pick-pocketed

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: John Hardly
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 08:24 AM

I've never called Ani DiFranco a "folk singer".

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: John Hardly
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 08:22 AM

I've never been to Spain, but I kinda like the music.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: John Hardly
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 08:22 AM

I've never been to me.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: catspaw49
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 04:05 AM

I have never "thrown a fuck." Now don't get me wrong. I have actively engaged in sexual intercourse (fucking) for many years but I have never thrown a fuck.

The first time I heard someone say that he "threw her a fuck" I was immediately drawn to the concept. Another way to enjoy the pleasures of sex and this one sounded like a real kicker to me. I immediately began to think how to best go about it. No matter how hard I tried, I didn't seem to be able to figure this one out. Oh, I tried mind you but every attempt seemed to me like some silly form of mastubation and I feared becoming known far and wide as a total jackoff, much like we all now consider Gargoyle to be.

So I gave it up. I hated to admit defeat but there was no option. I just couldn't throw a fuck and conceded I didn't give a fuck...... which was something I could do.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: GUEST,LTS pretending to work
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 03:59 AM

I left my chewing gum on the bedpost overnight... it took all the varnish off the next morning.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: GUEST,PMB
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 03:34 AM

Joe asked about STANDARD experiences. There's lots of things I've never done: I've never said boo to a goose, nor watched the sun go down on Galway Bay, nor kept my chewing gum on the bedpost overnight. Peeping through the bathroom door, I never saw my sister in the raw. I never lived in a yellow submarine, nor a windmill in old Amsterdam, nor was I ever left to die like a fox on the run. But few of those would be considered standard.

OK, Standards. I never saw Duke of Gloucester before Barry. I was never hauled by a Britannia, a Clan, a 2MT or a 9F, and I never saw a Crosti boilered one.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: GUEST,LTS pretending to work
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 02:41 AM

I have never:-

been arrested

made love in the back seat of a car - the front yes, but never the back. I don't recommend the front. Especially if it's a manual (stick shift)

Climbed a snow topped mountain

Made a snow angel

been waterskiing or windsurfing

been divorced

seen a live badger

driven an open topped car, only ever been the passenger.

The list of things I haven't done is endless... the list of things I wish I'd never done is even longer!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Mickey191
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 02:21 AM

I remember crying once cause I'd lost $10.00
Years later-I lost $200.00 and didn't drop a tear over it--cause I'd just lost my husband.
Everything is relative.

I've had my pocket picked-Creep got $83.00
Never been to a sporting event or a parade.
Went to Woodstock, Metropolitan Opera House, Carnegie Hall.

Met Humphrey Bogart
Shook hands with Hubert Humphrey, Nelson Rockefeller, Paul Newman & Johnny "Call for Philip Morris" HE was creepy--looked like he been dipped in wax.

Made my wedding gown.
Set off a fire alarm- (6 yrs. old)
Set our livingroom on fire-(4 yrs. Old)
Still have wisdom teeth.
Had a boat named after me.
Rode a horse on Catalina Island.

Had my heart broken twice-(That was enough!)

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 02:09 AM

The "things everybody did" that I guess I missed out on can be summarized quickly - - -

CHILDHOOD: I went to work in the family sheetmetal business at age 12.

THE 60s: In college when it started, then straight to the Army in Yuma Arizona - where nothing happened. From there to Milwaukee WI, where if anything happened nobody noticed. By the time I left Milwaukee in '68 it was pretty much all over with before someone told me some things about it and made me feel all sorry.

(I read a couple of Playboys and caught up on the theory, I guess.)

John

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Barry Finn
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 01:27 AM

I do own a TV, but only 1
" "   " " cell phone
I have fallen in love more than a few times, actually 3
been in debt
been to Woodstock
been in more than a few fist fights, a couple gang wars & a few barroom brawls
had a couple tattoos
Made it to some of the early Newport festivals
hitch-hiked across the US once, drove across 6 times
had sex in the middle of a snow storm in the middle of Government Center
Slept in the same room as Amos, but I didn't peep, I did peep at Big Mick though, he wasn't big
been pawed on the arm by a bear
broken a heel, an ankle, a wrist, a leg & a nose, a few times
sailed across the Pacific
had been considered for a contracted hit by crupt union officals
was under FBI protection
crossed paths with a mess of black cats
stowed away of a ship full of candy bound for South Africa, got chased off before we could finish eating it all & before it left the dock
Snuck into Canada barefoot through the woods, then promtly got thrown out
ate squirrel & rabbit, not alive though, killed them first
been rescued at sea, well, towed in, against our wills
sailed as part of an all naked crew with 3 other   guys ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,& 19 women
seen the Northern Lights, seen the green flash of the sun sinking in the water's horizon, seen a moonbow over a canyon on Maui, seen a 3 day Kona storm blow out to sea, bounce off an island & come right back again
rode a cement bucket from a crane down 7 stories, rode a conveyor belt back up 3 stories
climbed to the top of a tall ship's mast but didn't walk out on the yard
dove with tanks below 76', free dove over 40'
woke up to the sounds of porpoise, gone to sleep to the sounds of gun fire
hiked inside a volcano & under a waterfall but didn't walk 20 miles of barbed wire & didn't use a cobra snake for a neck-tie but was close enough to be biten by a conga eel
had my skin turn completely yellow


Amos, we should swap stories,,,,,,,,,,,,,but not spit
there's still a few things I haven't tried & a couple things I have but wished I hadn't but I have lived & I think I went mad once


Barry

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Ebbie
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 12:45 AM

Amos, that's a great life!

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Amos
Date: 12 Oct 07 - 12:16 AM

I have been arrested, have had cell phones and iPods, have fallen in love, and while never having escaped from a sunken sub, I have escaped from an empty SCUBA rig at forty feet below the rolling Pacific. I've had wisdom teeth, adenoids and attitudes extracted, have slept on the street and in mansions. I don't recall painting my toenails, but I have worn a dress once, for a very short time. I've had progeny, blasphemy and adultery; I have flown the air, sailed deep blue water, dived the shallows and slept on the earth and dug under it. I have been hit by a cop and kissed by a maiden, and have been stony broke and well-to-do. I have driven over 100 mph.

I didn't make Woodstock, but I made the Newport Folk festival just before that.

So I am hard put to know what I have missed, except for war. I have never fired a gun in anger, taken a human life, committed rape or any other major felonies. I have never fired a heavy weapon or sunk a ship. I have not rounded the Horn or traveled physically at Mach 1. I have not been aloft in a balloon, hang glider, or dirigible.

I have not played Madison Square Garden or a thousand other great places, but I did sing in the Central Park open auditorium one night. And although I have always been a little bit wild, I have never gone mad. Not sriously, I mean...

I guess I haven't missed much -- just enough to keep me curious.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Oct 07 - 11:35 PM

Yeah, I was kind of astounded by the "never fallen in love" bit too...

But there was a very nice woman whom I was in love with and then friends with for many years...and she always claimed that she had never fallen in love, despite being in romantic relationships. I just couldn't believe it. She'd fallen in "like", but not in love, according to her. She was quite a warm and affectionate person too, but she just did not seem to lose her head that way when it came to romance. That's rare. She was rare. I still miss her bigtime.

Here are a few more...

I've never had a cordless phone
Never had a speaker phone
Never had call waiting
Never had call display (but am about to get it)

I've never worn a ring

I've almost never used aftershave lotion, despite shaving since around age 19 (but I think I did use it maybe just once or twice...can't quite remember)

I've never used Q-tips...except when working on model aircraft, of course...they're handy for that.

I've never had any progeny, official or otherwise. Trust me. I haven't.

I've never believed that Coke is the Real Thing. Or that Pepsi tastes better. (It doesn't. It's way too sweet.)

I've never had any of my wisdom teeth extracted.

Boy, this is fun.... ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Oct 07 - 10:43 PM

You don't have to own a TV in order to have sometimes had access to one, M.Ted... ;-)

Hey! I've never been arrested either. No tatoos, no piercings, no earrings. Gosh. I just haven't lived, eh?

I've also never been to a Rolling Stones concert. Could've gone to Woodstock, I wasn't that far away from there at the time...but I stayed home.

I've never had sex in the back seat of a car nor have I skipped the light fantastic on the sidewalks of New York.

I've never had the moon hit my eye like a big-a pizza pie.

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 11 Oct 07 - 10:38 PM

Holy - oil of bat-crap....SuperMan!!!!

Mever fallen in love?????

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Consult the UFO web-places....you are seriously missing an crucial part of "human."

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Oct 07 - 10:29 PM

Oh, I also don't have any tattoos or body piercings (deliberate ones, that is, done for cosmetic purposes -- there ARE a few scars).

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Oct 07 - 10:28 PM

I've never had sex with Little Hawk either.

I've also never had to escape from a sunken submarine, been sued or sued anyone (yet), or been arrested (traffic tickets, yes, but nothing more).

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: bobad
Date: 11 Oct 07 - 10:22 PM

I have never...

Painted my toenails
Had a piercing
Spit nickels
Danced all night
Swung on a star
Been arrested
Been to Woodstock
Had sex with Little Hawk

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: M.Ted
Date: 11 Oct 07 - 10:20 PM

How do you watch "Star Trek", Little Hawk?

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Oct 07 - 10:10 PM

I've never experienced any of those common things either, Joe F...except for falling in love! I did that more than a few times. It's the worst peril there is in life, in my opinion, other than being on the other end of George Bush's foreign policies. ;-)

How about these...

I have never...

owned a cell phone
owned an ipod
been in a fist fight
had sex with Madonna (snort!)

Subject: RE: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: M.Ted
Date: 11 Oct 07 - 10:00 PM

You may have had your pocket picket without ever realizing it--as for the rest, you've missed out on a lot--

Subject: BS: Standard experiences you have missed
From: Joe_F
Date: 11 Oct 07 - 09:53 PM

What experiences common to your class & culture have you gotten thru life without?

I have never --

owned a TV set
had my pocket picked
attended a professional sporting event
attended an opera
attended a ballet
been in the armed services
been married
been in debt
fallen in love
sued or been sued