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BS: Walking with the Bears!

3refs 26 Oct 07 - 04:27 AM
Big Al Whittle 26 Oct 07 - 04:52 AM
fat B****rd 26 Oct 07 - 04:58 AM
TheSnail 26 Oct 07 - 05:40 AM
gnu 26 Oct 07 - 05:48 AM
Alaska Mike 26 Oct 07 - 10:08 AM
Bill D 26 Oct 07 - 10:32 AM
Alice 26 Oct 07 - 11:19 AM
Rapparee 26 Oct 07 - 12:01 PM
van lingle 26 Oct 07 - 12:09 PM
Ebbie 26 Oct 07 - 12:55 PM
gnu 26 Oct 07 - 01:29 PM
gnu 26 Oct 07 - 01:35 PM
Megan L 26 Oct 07 - 01:37 PM
Rapparee 26 Oct 07 - 01:57 PM
open mike 26 Oct 07 - 02:51 PM
open mike 26 Oct 07 - 02:54 PM
gnu 26 Oct 07 - 03:19 PM
Bat Goddess 26 Oct 07 - 03:26 PM
gnu 26 Oct 07 - 03:32 PM
Ebbie 26 Oct 07 - 03:35 PM
GUEST,petr 26 Oct 07 - 03:37 PM
open mike 26 Oct 07 - 03:59 PM
Joe_F 26 Oct 07 - 09:24 PM
open mike 26 Oct 07 - 10:48 PM
JennieG 27 Oct 07 - 12:35 AM
Alaska Mike 27 Oct 07 - 10:07 AM
gnu 27 Oct 07 - 12:13 PM
gnu 29 Oct 07 - 08:49 AM
gnu 17 Sep 09 - 03:06 PM
Rapparee 17 Sep 09 - 04:44 PM
keberoxu 16 Aug 20 - 01:59 PM
Donuel 16 Aug 20 - 02:40 PM
keberoxu 16 Aug 20 - 02:45 PM
leeneia 16 Aug 20 - 02:49 PM
leeneia 16 Aug 20 - 02:54 PM
Murpholly 16 Aug 20 - 09:39 PM
Rapparee 16 Aug 20 - 10:40 PM
leeneia 17 Aug 20 - 01:35 PM
Charmion 18 Aug 20 - 10:45 AM
Charmion's brother Andrew 18 Aug 20 - 12:41 PM
Rapparee 18 Aug 20 - 10:15 PM
keberoxu 20 Aug 20 - 06:25 PM

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Subject: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: 3refs
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 04:27 AM

I was out for a walk in the bush this week with a new sporting rifle I just bought. I say sporting because I haven't hunted to kill anything in years(maybe decades). But, I can still hit just about anything that isn't living! Second shot for sure!!!
Anyhow, I came across some bear stool and realized that should I encounter one or more(sow and cubs)I might be just a little outnumbered and under-gunned.
So, it got me to thinking about what I'm supposed to do when I'm out for a walk in bear country with no rifle at all.
Well, you should always carry bear spray and clip a little bell on your clothing so they have a better chance of hearing you and your not surprising them. Should you encounter one though don't run, EVER! Stand your ground and if they charge, charge back(kind of).
Should you be lucky enough to step in some, there are a couple ways of distinguishing the stool of a Black Bear from that of a Grizzly. Black Bear dung is about the size of a big dogs, smells a little sour and will be full of roots and berries, maybe a little grass. Grizzly Bear stool on the other hand is quite large, pony size, smells really rancid, kind of like pepper spray and is usually full of meat and little bells!!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 04:52 AM

Never mind standing your ground, shoot the great hairy thing before your friends are searching for bits of you in the bear stools.


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: fat B****rd
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 04:58 AM

Thankyou 3refs. Next time I step in something horrible in Dunfermline High Street I'll know what to look for.


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: TheSnail
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 05:40 AM

Two bears were walking down Dunfermline High Street. One says to the other "Quiet here isn't it."


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: gnu
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 05:48 AM

"... what I'm supposed to do when I'm out for a walk in bear country with no rifle at all."

Go back and get your rifle.


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: Alaska Mike
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 10:08 AM

Two bears are having a picnic in the woods. First bear asks, "White wine or red?" Second bear replies, "White wine only with fishermen, the red is best with hunters."


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: Bill D
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 10:32 AM

So....two bears meet in the woods in Minn-e-SO-ta, and one, plump & healthy notices that the other is skinny & bedraggled.

"Hey....you don't look so good." says fat bear.
"I know...I just keep losing weight.", says skinny bear.
"Maybe it's your diet...what have you been eating?"
"Why, Swedes, of course," he replies, "What else IS there to eat around here?"
"Hmmmm...maybe it's your technique...show me how you do it."

So they hide until a Swede walks by...and the skinny bear leaps out with a big roar and jumps on the Swede, and gobbles him up.

"Ah..no wonder!", says fat bear. "You can't hunt Swedes like that! When you leap & roar, it scare the shit out of them, and when you jump on them, it knocks all the air out of them, and then there's hardly anything left!"


(told to me by a Swede 40 years ago)


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: Alice
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 11:19 AM

You wear bells so they can identify it was you when they find the bear scat with bells in it.


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 12:01 PM

I was out walking in the hills West of town when I happened upon a grizzly -- with cubs.

I remembered the advice I was given: do whatever the bear does. And the big bear reared up on her hind legs, raised her arms into the air, and growled, "RRRRRRRRRROWWWWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHH!"

I raised my arms up into the air and went, ""RRRRRRRRRROWWWWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHH!"

Then the bear squatted down and left a big, fresh pile right there in the path!

"Ha ha!" I laughed. "I did that the first time you went "RRRRRRRRRROWWWWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHH!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: van lingle
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 12:09 PM

There is an exception to the "don't run" rule, however. It's okay to take flight if you're walking with your wife as you only have to outrun her and not the grizzly.


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: Ebbie
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 12:55 PM

A Tlinget told me that when a bell rings, the bears call, Dinner!


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: gnu
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 01:29 PM

Bear feels the call of nature and squats. Notices a rabbit next to him and sees the little pellets. Asks the rabbit, "Does shit stick to your fur?" Rabbit: "No." Bear: "Good."... and picks the rabbit up and wipes.


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: gnu
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 01:35 PM

Bob is hunting black bear and takes one. About to clean it, he sets his gun against a tree and bends down. A brown bear appears and humps Bob.

Bob is at home, very sore and mad. A few days later, he goes after brown bear and takes one. Same deal, but this time, it's a grizzly.

Bob has to go to the emerg and then spends a week at home, in extreme and very mad. Finally, he is well and goes after grizzly. Same deal, but, when the polar bear appears, it says, "You don't come here for the hunting, do you Bob."


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: Megan L
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 01:37 PM

GNU stand by to be skelped


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 01:57 PM

A local minister was hiking up in the hills when he was confronted by a very large and very, very angry grizzly. Not knowing what else to do, he dropped to his knees, closed his eyes, and started to pray, "Oh Lord, Father of all, let this be a Christian bear!"

Since nothing had happened for a few seconds he opened his eyes and lo! the bear, too, was kneeling in prayer. And the minister heard, "Lord, for what we are about to eat, we thank Thee...."


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: open mike
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 02:51 PM

I DID (I really did) see a bear in my driveway the other night.
the first time in over 30 years i have seen one on my property.
I have seen bear poop, when the berries are ripe...especially
manzanita berries.

see this sheet music for the The Preacher and the Bear


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: open mike
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 02:54 PM

see also Waltzing with Bears


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: gnu
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 03:19 PM

Ya know, the old question, "Does a bear shit in the woods?" is wrong, eh. They will if there isn't a woods road within a "comfortable" distance. Otherwise, dead centre of the road... same as a coyote. Foxes also if there is a mound of some type, but, if not, they prefer the upside of ditches.

Just some shit I know about.


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 03:26 PM

I live in the woods in Nottingham, New Hampshire. I've never seen a black bear in our neighborhood.

However...in higher trafficked, more populated areas, ayuh.

A couple months ago I left work a bit early and was driving on Rte. 151 in North Hampton about 3:15 in the afternoon. Within sight of I-95 (coastal side) and just before Sagamore-Hampton golf course, there is a small "field" -- actually more of a double house lot that's mowed. Anywho, as I drove by I saw a really good sized black bear just standing there not moving. I did a double-take -- is this what it looks like or is it a LAWN ornament?!? Checked the rear view mirror and it was gallumphing across the road. Must have been real!

Before that, one late afternoon/early evening in August (must have been around 6 p.m.) I was driving on highly trafficked Rte. 125 within sight of the Lee Traffic Circle (2 strip malls, McDonald's, Wendy's, 2 convenience store/gas stations, etc.) intersection with Rte. 4. There was a dark figure on the right side of the road -- brain asked, dog? Nope, young black bear. Not a cub, but not adult. Probably adolescent. He ran across the road in front of me and and disappeared into the scrub behind the motorcycle shop.

Curmudgeon's jealous -- wants to know why HE doesn't get to see any bears.

Around here they're actually more likely to be seen in more highly developed areas because there's more food available -- trash, pet food, etc. -- than out in our 33 acre wooded "back yard".

A friend sent me a great JPG of a half dozen black bears walking down a black topped road -- labeled "New Hampshire Street Gangs".

Linn


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: gnu
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 03:32 PM

Wasn't there a black bear mauling some kid somewhere in New England just last week?


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: Ebbie
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 03:35 PM

Well, this summer I had a bear in my house. Totally unafraid. Took a swipe at my dog when she charged it, barking. Turned and went out when I advanced upon it, banging my walking stick on furniture and yelling.

It took weeks for my dog to calm down; even yet when she and I enter the alley outside our door she races ahead barking furiously. And for a week she slept stretched out in front of the entry door.

It's nice to know that my adrenal glands are in real good shape. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: GUEST,petr
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 03:37 PM

two guys went bear hunting,

they saw a sign that said BEAR LEFT so they went home.


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: open mike
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 03:59 PM

GOD'S OWN DRUNK
By: Lord Buckley

Well, like to explain to you all before,
I ain't no drinkin' man
I tried it once and it got me highly irregular
And I swore I'd never do it again
I promised my brother in-law that I'd go up watch his still
While he went in to town to vote
It was right up on the mountain
where the map said it would be
Friends let me tell you one thing,
tho it wasn't no ordinary still
It stood up on that mountainside
like a hugh golden opal
God's yeller moon shinin' on the cool clear evenin'
God's little lanterns twinklin' on and off in the heavens
Like I explain'd to you once before I ain't no drinkin' man
But temptation got the best of me
And I took a slash
That yella whiskey runnin' down my throat
like honey dew vine water
And I took another slash,
Took another'n an another'n an another'n
For you knew I'd downed one whole jug of that shit
and commenced to gettin' hot flashes
Goose pimples was runnin' up and down my body
And a feelin' came over me
like somethin' I'd never experienced before
It was like, like I was in love
In love for the first time, with anything that moved
Animate, inanimate it didn't matter
It's like there's a great neon sign flashin' on an' off
in my brain sayin' "Jimmy Buffett there's a great day a comin'"
`Cause I was drunk
I wasn't knee crawlin', slip slidin', Reggie Youngin'
Commode huggin' drunk
I was God's own drunk and a fearless man
And that's when I first saw the bear
He was a Kodiak lookin' fella `bout nineteen feet tall
He rambled up over the hill
expectin' me to do one of two things,
Flip or fly, I didn't do either one
It hung him up
He started sniffin' around my body tryin' to smell fear
But he ain't gonna smell no fear `cause
I'm God's own drunk and a fearless man
It hung him up
He looked right in my eyes, and my eyes
was a lot redder than his was
It hung him up
So I approached him, I said "Mr. Bear, I love
every hair on your twenty-seven acre body
I know you got a lot of friends over there
on the other side of the hill
There's ole' rare bear, tall bear, Freddy bear, Kelly bear
Really bear, smelly the bear, smokey the bear,
pokey the bear
I want you to go back over there tonight
And tell them I'm feelin' right
You tell them I love each and everyone of them
like a brother and a sister
But if they give me any trouble tonight
I'm gonna run every God damn one of them off the hill"
He took two steps backwards and didn't know what to think
Neither did I but bein' charitable and cautious
Well hell I approached him again
I said "Mr. Bear, You know in the eyes of the Lord
we're both beasts when it comes right down to it
So I want you to be my buddy, Buddy bear"
So I took ole' buddy bear by his island size paw
and I led him over to the still
He's a sniffin' around that thing cause
he's smellin' somethin' good
I gave him one of them jugs of honey dew vine water
He downed it up right
Looked like one of them damn bears in the circus
Sippin' sasparilly in the moonlight
I gave him another'n an another'n an another'n
For I knew it he downed eight of them
and commenced to doin' the bear dance
Two snips, a snort, a fly turn, and a grunt
It was so simple like the jitter bug
It plum evaded me
We worked ourselves into a tumultuous uproar
And I was awful tired and went over to the hillside
and I laid down and went to sleep
Slept for four hours and dreampt me some tremulous dreams
When I woke up, there was God's yeller moon
shinin' on the clear cool evenin'
God's little lanterns twinklin' on and off
in the heavens
My buddy the bear was a missin'
Want to know something else friends and neighbors
So was that still


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: Joe_F
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 09:24 PM

A pious Jew was walking in the woods when he suddenly came face to face with a huge, ravenous bear. What could he do? He knelt down, put on his yarmulke, and said the Shema. Then he looked up and saw that the bear, too, had put on a yarmulke. God be praised! he thought, A Jewish bear! Then he heard the bear saying, "...hamotsi lehem min ha-arets".

(Glosses for the goyim: Yarmulke, skullcap; men cover their heads to pray. The Shema, the confession of faith. "Hamotsi...", "Who bringest forth bread from the earth", the end of the traditional grace before a meal.)


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Subject: ADD: The Bear Song (Laurie Lewis)
From: open mike
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 10:48 PM

The Bear Song<.b>
by Laurie Lewis

Well far away in the north country there lives a fiddler fair
The townsfolk call him Moon Mad John, the brother to the bear.
Well Moon Mad John has a tale to tell, to all who set awhile
The children listen eagerly, while the grownups only smile.

"It was in the winter of '25, I was checkin' my traps one day,
When a storm come howlin' from the north and I did lose my way.
I soon was cold and hungry, and the darkness did come down,
I knew my death was closin' in, and the wolves were howlin' round.

I wandered round as in a daze and I fell down on the ground.
I don't know how long I lay there when I was wakened by a sound.

All through the trees I peered, may lightnin' strike if I'm a liar,
I saw big shadows movin' slow, and the flickerin' of the fire.
Oh the bears were all a'gathered there, dancin' and playin' fiddles
And the finest fiddler I ever did see was the big bear in the middle.

They took me in and they sat me down and the fire did thaw my feet
They gave me food and wine to drink and soon I fell asleep.
And when I awoke next morning, the day was clear and bright.
The snow lay trampled all about but there was not a bear in sight.

So three days south I travelled till I came to my own front door.
I threw all my guns and my traps away, and I never did hunt no more.
And now you've heard my story, and the proof is in the tune
That the bears did play when they saved my life, under the winter moon.


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: JennieG
Date: 27 Oct 07 - 12:35 AM

We have drop bears in Oz.....they wait until an unsuspecting tourist is walking under their tree and down they fall......

No, I have never seen one myself but I have been told about them. And I believe it. Absolutely positively.

Cheers
JennieG


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: Alaska Mike
Date: 27 Oct 07 - 10:07 AM

I was inspecting a newly installed vehicle scale in Dillingham in western Alaska years ago. I was underneath the device making sure it had been installed correctly when the scale operator yelled at me to watch out for the bear. Sure enough, there was an enormous grizzly sniffing and snuffling outside the scale. He was only 5 or 10 feet from me but, to my good fortune, on the other side of several tons of steel. We watched each other for a few minutes before he wandered off and I crawled out from under the scale.

Mike


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: gnu
Date: 27 Oct 07 - 12:13 PM

Was that a tare-or weight?

Hey... I tried.


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: gnu
Date: 29 Oct 07 - 08:49 AM

Or, you could just moosey around the neighbourhood.


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: gnu
Date: 17 Sep 09 - 03:06 PM

Tight asshole time.


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Sep 09 - 04:44 PM

Do you know what caused his pants to rip? I could make a guess, but....


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: keberoxu
Date: 16 Aug 20 - 01:59 PM

Oh, the bears, the hungry, hungry bears,
are out raiding the dumpsters
and knocking over the dustbins,
strewing garbage and trash all around,
they are, they are, they are.


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: Donuel
Date: 16 Aug 20 - 02:40 PM

There are bears and there are black bears
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wU_UsaUdYvg

Same with some sharks who love their heads rubbed.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ux2-eZpSI_0


Intelligent animals are like dogs who appreciate affection.


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: keberoxu
Date: 16 Aug 20 - 02:45 PM

Oh, dear.
This is how people set up bears to be targets later,
whether or not it is on purpose.


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: leeneia
Date: 16 Aug 20 - 02:49 PM

There's a YouTube video showing a mother bear and cubs frolicking in somebody's freestanding pool. At one point, the wife of the house expresses surprise, and the husband says "What do expect when we live here?"

I wondered where "here" was. Alaska, Smoky Mountains, Rockies? No, I finally found out it was New Jersey. That was a surprise.


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: leeneia
Date: 16 Aug 20 - 02:54 PM

Here's a National Park page with good advice on what to do when you encounter a bear

talk to me


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: Murpholly
Date: 16 Aug 20 - 09:39 PM

Algy met a bear
A bear met Algy
The bear had a bulge
The bulge was Algy


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Aug 20 - 10:40 PM

People move into the hills around here. The hills are alive with the sound of black bears, grizzlies, mountain lions, wolves, coyotes, foxes, and similar assorted predators. Then the people wonder where little Po-po Poodle and Ki-ki Kitty went when they were let outdoors...and if they are unlucky, little Bobby and Susy.

Me, if I go walking up in them thar hills I take b'ar spray AND a largish handgun. The latter is not to shoot the critter, but to shoot the dirt and hopefully scare it away. Us human-types are trespassing, whether we're Euros or Shoban or whatever.


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: leeneia
Date: 17 Aug 20 - 01:35 PM

I find it interesting that the National Park page says to talk softly to the bear to let it know that you are a human. IIRC, bears are near-sighted, and I suppose to them an approaching human might just be a mysterious blurry shape.

Singing old ballads might work just as well, and that way you don't have to worry about what to say.

There's a problem with that handgun idea, Rap. If you shoot into the ground and the bullet hits a buried rock, the bullet can shatter, sending fragments in unpredictable directions. The fragments are travelling fast and can be just as lethal as they bullet they came from. What if there's somebody on the trail ahead of you and you haven't seen them yet?
===========
Last year we visited Shenandoah National Park, and we were told we wouldn't see a bear because the bears are shy and keep to the deep woods. Then one night about ten o'clock we were driving on the Blue Ridge Parkway and a bear crossed in front of us.


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: Charmion
Date: 18 Aug 20 - 10:45 AM

Oh, Donuel, do not -- I say again, DO NOT -- try to caress a wild animal, or indeed any individual of any undomesticated species. Yes, they are intelligent, and yes, they may enjoy a head-rub, but they are not pets and they do not think as you may believe they do. It is safest, for both you and the beast, to assume that a large animal such as a bear is primarily interested in finding out whether you might be crunchy and good even without ketchup.

You don't have to go far on the Internet to find a discouraging story about some idiot who got mangled in an attempt to get familiar with a non-human non-human apex predator.

I grew up in the Ottawa Valley, where bears are common and attacks are called "bear strikes". People who turn their backs on small children at camp sites learn the hard way just how fast bears move and how un-cute they can be without even trying.


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: Charmion's brother Andrew
Date: 18 Aug 20 - 12:41 PM

This is about as close as you should get to bears, especially a sow with cubs. It is a better idea, however, to keep your dumpsters locked.


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Aug 20 - 10:15 PM

I wouldn't, and will not, shoot at rocks. Also, I would be carrying a revolver with LEAD bullets, which squash on hard surfaces rather than ricochet or shatter (although the rock might shatter). I would in all probability load it with blanks. I don't want to kill anything, just frighten it off. The only weapon I can think of that would probably drop a bear around here is a 12 gauge(bore)shotgun shooting solid slugs...and even then it's iffy.

Bear spray is better, assuming that, like firearms, you know how to use it.


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Subject: RE: BS: Walking with the Bears!
From: keberoxu
Date: 20 Aug 20 - 06:25 PM

Thank you, Charmion's brother,
for that video of
the mama bear and her three cubs,
which I had never seen before.


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