BS: Does yours revert to kind?

Subject: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: katlaughing
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 11:25 AM

If it wasn't obvious to me before, it certainly is after four weeks spent mostly in bed: I have been living with a bachelor for the past twenty-eight years. I thought his mother and I had done a pretty good job at domesticating him, but my Rog reverted to HLBM (His Life Before Me) in no time at all. Before surgery 2.5 years ago, our daughter still lived with us, so it wasn't that apparent. (She's such a good daughter!) But, this time she has her own home, full-time job, etc. and I was lucky she took an evening away to come over to run the vacuum and empty some trash bins. My floor-cleaning gal made it over once, too.

Now to be fair to Rog he wasn't feeling up to snuff for a couple of weeks, too, but that didn't keep him from going into work, even though he has sick days accrued. He coulda stayed home and cleaned house!

However, the dishes had piled up; they were done once in four weeks. The trash was overflowing; and, there were empty juice and soup cans all over the kitchen table where he sat at his laptop and ate solo when I was unable to get up. He DID do a few loads of laundry when I raised a ruckus about no clean pjs!**bg**

So, I am back on my feet and have cracked the whip.**bg** Have a load each in the washer and dryer; half of the dishes done; all of the trash bagged and taken out (with his help;) and, I reckon we've got just a few smallish things left to do..the rest of the dishes, rearrange the living room furniture, put away the clutter from the piano which was picked up last week, have the grandson over, wash my houseplants off and water them, sweep the front steps, clean the gutters, etc., etc.

Anyhow, I have banished the bachelor and reclaimed my helpmeet. Does yours revert to type, whatever type that may be, when you are laid up?

OH, and please do NOT worry. I am NOT overdoing it...just pouring it on a bit thick for humourous reasons in this thread.:-)

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: Janie
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 11:44 AM

Mine never unreverted.

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: artbrooks
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 11:50 AM

She does revert to type from time to time, but I love her anyway.

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: Jean(eanjay)
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 12:09 PM

Sounds about right.

Mine gets one of my sons to do things. When I was away for several weeks looking after my mother, my son did all the cooking because my husband "can only do beans" (his words not mine). Apparently he looked so pathetic (put on I think) that my son felt sorry for him!

This son will also be moving out shortly so it will be interesting to see what happens then if I'm ill or away!

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: GUEST,Bert on Kelly's machine.
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 12:30 PM

I know I do. But I guess that Rog was more worried about you than about a few dishes.

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: Partridge
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 12:41 PM

i don't think that men understand much to do with housework and how the lack of it gets under your skin - particularly when you cant do it!

Its not that I'm houseproud or obsessed with cleaning, but I can remember times when I was physically unable to do much, I would have appreciated help. I dont know why we worry about stuff like that - but we do.

I'm asking the angel of cleaning to become aquainted with your Rog!

love
Pat xxx

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: gnu
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 01:29 PM

When I was married, I did laundry, I swept and mopped floors, I vacuumed carpets, I cooked, I painted and stained the interior and exterior of the house and the fence and the deck, I built the fence and deck, I did the electrical, I did the plumbing, I built the coffee table and end tables and headboards and curio cabinets and corner hutch and bed chests and kitchen drawers and lots of others, I mowed the lawn, I replaced the fenceposts and mended the fence, I cut down the trees, I split and piled the firewood, I kept the wood stove stoked, I shovelled the snow on the driveway and the walkway and the deck, I did the most of maintenance on the truck, I ran the errands, and a lot more. In other words, I really did try to help out.

Now that I am single, I finally understand why she was pissing and moaning from dawn til dusk every day, day after day after day, but, typically, wouldn't just tell me why. I never dusted! Seriously. I lived in THIS house for almost two years before I really understood the concept of dust. Now, after just over six years in this house, you oughta see the dust! It's almost bad enough for me to actually dust! But, I ain't gonna. Just in case I get really drunk some night and invite a woman to "come over" to the house. I figure, when she sees the dust, she'll either piss and moan about it or take off or dust or ignore my one (HA!) shortcoming. Win, win, win, win, I figure. My dusty balls are my best friends.

Revert? Yup. Reform? Never!

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: bobad
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 01:32 PM

That's the spirit gnu, leave it to the experts.

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: Peace
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 01:37 PM

She got me housebroke but she couldn't get me trained.

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 02:53 PM

The only thing domestic about me is the fact I was born in the United States.

Tom and I had our first argument over 26 years ago over possession of the kitchen...he won. He does all of the cooking (and is a superior chef -- which is at least partially why I weigh considerably more now than when we met). He used to "let" me make some of my German specialties and prep spinach for cooking, but he watched over my shoulder and now does these things himself (though he prefers if I do the spinach thing). We split baking -- I do cookies and cakes; he does pies. He does most of the kitchen cleanup, but the problem is, he only does what is absolutely necessary at the moment. Which means there's usually a pile of dishes on the counter -- both clean ones drying (forever) and those waiting to be washed. The dishwasher died a couple years ago and we've been having to replace a whole bunch of other more necessary appliances ever since. Sigh. Usually I end up cleaning off the stovetop, the sink and surrounding countertops because if I waited for him to do it, the stove would just end up being replaced first. (I think I may be exaggerating there...)

Other chores are sort of split -- laundry is done by whomever has time. I usually take care of the yard and garden stuff, but I haven't had time with the job I've had for the past three years, so that's mostly going undone. I change the beds, clean the bathroom, sweep, vacuum, de-cobweb, etc.

And if I don't do it for some reason, it doesn't get done. I have a pretty high mess tolerance, but Tom's is much, much higher.

I'm holding out for a ride-on vacuum cleaner with a front end loader. My theory of housekeeping is that if there's a lot of interesting stuff to look at, nobody notices the house is an ungodly mess. Or else there's my "secret" remedy -- tarps. (Which may look like tablecloths or bedspreads thrown over piles o' stuff.)

I've got way too many things to do other than clean the house an, unfortunately, it looks like it. (Maybe my aversion to housework is because my mother used to yell at me as a kid because I vacuumed the living room "starting in the wrong corner"...my mother is German-descent Midwestern "nasty neat".)

What I'm really holding out for is a roving band of masochists who will break in and clean the house (on their knees...with their tongues...).

Which I guess means our house will look like something out of "House & Garden" when a proverbial very hot place has a skim of ice over it.

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: Amos
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 02:56 PM

I think my training has sunk in a bit deeper; I dunno about dusting but I find myself voluntarily hauling out a vacuum now and then, and cooking dinners. On the other hand I don't have a big pickup truck or an SUV or even a 30-gaugue. Sigh.

Now, if I had my boat, tha might make a whole mess o'ifference... :D


A

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: GUEST,Bert on Kelly's machine.
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 02:57 PM

a ride-on vacuum cleaner with a front end loader

Haaaaa!! LOL. I can SEE it.

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: Mrrzy
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 03:07 PM

Mine wasn't kind in the first place, ha ha!

Kat, I'm so glad you're better!

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: gnu
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 03:46 PM

Hehehe... the number one sign you are better is the complaining... bitch as loud as you can... sounds good to me!!!! Glad you are getting better.

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: Joe Offer
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 04:06 PM

I have to say, Kat, that I comiserate with Roger. I spent all week homeschooling my stepson, and now I'm feeling funky and want to laze around. There's a rainstorm coming, and it's sent Christina off onto a cleaning craze.....

I need a nap.

-Joe-

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: gnu
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 04:45 PM

Nap? While she is cleaning? Brave soul! Good luck with that.

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: Peace
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 04:48 PM

I agree with the people here who have spoken in favour of vacuum cleaners.

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: Amos
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 05:41 PM

At our age its all the suction we're gonna get, so may as well relax about it...



A

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: Peace
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 05:42 PM

I, uh, however, uh, disagree with people who think they should be plugged in.

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: gnu
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 05:55 PM

Why, Peace. I thought you were plugged into the world. Always up on the latest news and views of all sorts.

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: Janie
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 05:56 PM

I gotta say something in praise of my Dad here. He has always participated in the housekeeping every bit as much as Mom - cooks, dusts, vacuums, does dishes, does laundry (though Mom would somethimes rather he wouldn't.) When he would get home from work earlier than Mom on a Friday, he would nearly always say, "Come on girls, let's jump in and get all the housework done before your Mom gets home so there won't be all those Saturday chores."   Mom has had some surgeries over the past few years. He is an attentive nurse, and keeps the house looking pretty spruce while he's at it.

He will not, however, clean a bathroom.

I want a boy just like the boy that married dear old Mom!

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: Peace
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 05:57 PM

I am, Gnu. Did you see Armstrong's walk? I never thought humans would get there.

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: gnu
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 06:10 PM

He didn't do any dusting.

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: Peace
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 06:11 PM

Yeah. Ain't THAT the truth . . . .

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: katlaughing
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 06:11 PM

Linn, I want a vacuum like that!

Well damn and blast, I gave out before we had it all done today! My legs got shaky and I had to take to m'bed lifts hand to brow and sighs. It was worth it, though, as I saw a one time only movie appearance of the real live ROBERT W. SERVICE as a POET no less, in THE SPOILERS with Marlene Dietrich, Randolph Scott and John Wayne. It was really kewl! Marlene asked him what he was working on. He said a poem about a woman called Lou and a fellow who got shot named Dan McGrew at which Dietrich said, "Hm, the shooting of Dan McGrew. I like it!"

So, I got the dishes finished, another load of laundry and a few other small things. We both did all of the trash. Rog went to the store and fed me. He always feeds me which I really DO appreciate!!

gnudarlin'..this is just for you...bitch, bitch, bitch!**bg** DOES prove I am feeling better, doesn't it!?

Thanks, folks. Back to my boudoir...sigh

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: Jean(eanjay)
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 06:15 PM

You've done more than me and I haven't been ill! .... but then I can be lazy!

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: Jean(eanjay)
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 06:17 PM

It isn't always my husband who doesn't do the housework!

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: Emma B
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 06:24 PM

my personal motto

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: gnu
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 06:42 PM

Hahahahaha

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: Amos
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 06:45 PM

Kat:

My advice as a peeneumony survivor: feel absolutely no guilt about, or reluctance to nap, recline, stretch out, lie about, rest and then take a break from all that. It's the only way to get your oxygen.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: Bill D
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 07:26 PM

hmmmpppf...My personal opinion is, he shoulda done more! It don't require details and spotlessness....just a reasonable amount of keeping the level of crud down to manageable.

Around here, NEITHER of us will win any prizes from "House Beautiful", but we can GET company presentable in a few hours.

Myself, I will clean about anything...from windows to toilets - just not automatically everyday. As to dishes, I don't do 'em everyday, 'cause I have no 'off' button, and once started, I find it hard to quit in the middle. I will cook, though Rita is a mite better..I do maybe 74.378% of the grocery shopping. I do ALL the vacuuming and all my own laundry.
What do I get for my efforts? Why, she does 90% of the bills, taxes, phone calls, letter writing and is my social secretary! I have by far the best of the arrangement!

It ain't near as much discomfort to clean dirt as to live in it.

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: Bee
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 10:35 PM

I am personally domestically challenged, and would rather do almost anything than housework. I spent the past two days stacking firewood in the shed, and left the dishes standing on the counter. Today it's too sleety and miserable outside, so I hadda do those dishes, and would have been thrilled to be back stacking wood.

But my husband! He's a dear hardworking man on the jobsite, but has never cleaned a bathroom in his life, gags and runs if the cat throws up, and no longer does laundry because he stuffs the washer so full it won't work. I tell him his mother never beat him enough.

And for gnu - around here, I do the wall patching and sanding, the painting inside and out, the gardening and rock moving, the mowing and trimming, and most of the snow shovelling (because he's often away in winter). We built the deck together, under his direction, and he does do the plumbing.

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: Janie
Date: 11 Nov 07 - 01:46 AM

If it got done - inside the house or out- I did it.

That is not to say it all got done.

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: autolycus
Date: 11 Nov 07 - 06:14 AM

If you "change" your partner by means of rule, guilt-inducement, power, force (of will), then the change will be an illusion however long it lasts. So when of the above methods of "changing" are removed, the partner's underdog will re=emerge. aka reverting to type.


it raises the question of the reasons for taking up with someone you then want to change. What's that about? Wouldn't we all prefer to be loved than changed?

Are those of us who wish to change the partner willing or unwilling to be changed? If the answer is , 'unwilling', then.................


    Ivor

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 11 Nov 07 - 07:26 AM

They told me that everybody changes after they get married.

That's why I got me one that can't cook, won't clean, and argues all the time.

They were wrong!

[just joking - I think]

John

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: Peace
Date: 11 Nov 07 - 04:02 PM

John, if yer missus reads this thread, I have a tent you are welcome to . . . .

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: wysiwyg
Date: 11 Nov 07 - 07:31 PM

Mine goes in the other direction-- cleans like crazy when I'm out of the picture. HIS way, instead of mine.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: Joe_F
Date: 11 Nov 07 - 09:56 PM

Women expect men to change when they get married, and men expect women to stay the same, but they never do.

I forget who said that.

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Nov 07 - 12:13 AM

Ha! I find this whole thread a bit hard to relate to my own life, Kat, because I am a man who has never gotten married. Accordingly, I have done my OWN housework and cooking most of the time since about age 21. How good am I at it? Reasonably good. I vacuum, I do laundry, I scrub out toilets, sinks, and bathtubs, I put out the garbage, I cook, I clean windows, I wash the dishes, and so on. I do everything. I dust, but not too often, not as often, I'm sure, as some people do.

Now on top of that...I have lived with 3 different women...one for 5 years, and the other two for about a year each. Now in the case of the first one, I started out by doing all the housework. I kid you not. I taught her how to cook! She wanted to do her bit, so she gradually learned, and she got fairly good at it (cooking) by about the 2 or 3 year mark, and we basically split the housekeeping after that.

Gal # 2 was very independent and self-sufficient, so she did most of the cooking and we split the rest of the chores.

Gal # 3 was not the world's best housekeeper! I did most of it, specially at the beginning, but she did some, and we split the cooking duties fairly evenly, as I recall.

Not exactly typical, eh?

Look, when you are used to living alone most of the time, you learn how to do all that stuff. It's not difficult. You just have to want to, that's all. ;-) Some people really don't want to, and they are happy to live in total squalor...and that's okay with me as long as I don't have to live under the same roof with them!

Autolycus - Good post! You are so right.

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: Amos
Date: 12 Nov 07 - 10:16 AM

If I recall correctly, Total Squalor is just down Canadian Highway 104 from Orillia, isn't it?



A

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Nov 07 - 11:38 AM

No, Amos, it's here:

Total Squalor


Go west on Highway 12 from Orillia, merge into the 400 going north until you finally reach Highway 17, go west on 17 to arrive at Total Squalor.

Total Est. Time: 5 hours, 26 minutes   
Total Est. Distance: 267.51 miles

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: wysiwyg
Date: 12 Nov 07 - 12:30 PM

No, it's HERE.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: jacqui.c
Date: 12 Nov 07 - 01:35 PM

While I was recovering from my hernia op Kendall had to do everything for a few weeks. Neither of us is particularly houseproud and the dust really tends to go unnoticed, but I had previously been doing the laundry, shopping and most of the evening meals, bedmaking and primary dog exerciser. I was mostly the one who filled and emptied the dishwasher. Kendall normally vacuums and I generally clean the bathrooms and kitchen.

After having to take over the duties for a while he commented that he hadn't realised how time consuming laundry can be and does tend to empty the dishwasher more often now. However, he is the one that fitted the bathroom, mows the grass, fixes the cars, clears the snow and, right now, is outside replaced rotted wood in our sun room.

I'm quite happy with the arrangement as is.

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: Becca72
Date: 12 Nov 07 - 01:54 PM

I have lived alone for several years now and so if I don't do it, it doesn't get done...and lots of stuff don't get done. :-)
But I have also lived with 2 people (on separate occasions). #1 would not do anything around the house because he cleaned offices for a living and felt that got him out of cleaning up his own shit, but he was not shy about commenting when I failed to perform a task he felt needed doing. I put up with it for 6.5 years. Dumbass. #2 and I split the housework down the middle. I cooked, he did the dishes. I dusted, he vacuumed, etc. We each did our own laundry as I have extreme skin allergies and he liked to use dryer sheets. It all worked out.

Now my motto is "if you come to my home you're going to get cat hair on your clothes. Deal with it or stay away".

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: Dave'sWife
Date: 12 Nov 07 - 05:12 PM

Mine retained some bachelor habits that still annoy me but I must say - he does far more than his share of housework. because of a painful joint condition, it's hard for me to do tasks that require bedning over and picking up things again and again such as laundry so he has taken that over totally. Also, I jokeingly tell folks that for my wedding I got a dishwasher and his name is Dave. He does the dishes 80% of the time and even cooks if I leave him precise instructions. I consider myself a very lucky woman in many respects!

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 12 Nov 07 - 08:18 PM

'Now my motto is "if you come to my home you're going to get cat hair on your clothes. Deal with it or stay away". '



Right....thanks fer the warnin', eh? (you notice...I ain't been around)


- Shane

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: katlaughing
Date: 12 Nov 07 - 09:46 PM

Lest anyone think otherwise, I never, no never entertained any notions of changing Rog. Why would I when it was the him I met, fell in love with and married? He's actually not too bad at helping out with keeping the house picked up, but he does need someone to casually say, once in awhile, "oops, there goes the trash falling all over the floor!"

He cooks dinner for me every night, does about 95 per cent of the shopping and puts away the laundry after I wash and fold. He also does a lot of stuff outside, feeds and waters the dog, etc. etc. The BEST thing he does every night is put lotion on me after my shower, even between my toes!

He's always said all I have to do is ask and for the most part that is true. Work has been very stressful for a few months and will be probably for the next year as they are moving the whole tv station to a new building which the inside of is being built from the ground up which he is responsible for a major portion of getting it done, so...when they give him oodles in bonus money I'll hire more help around the house! (Yeah, like his company will do that!) We do pay a woman to clean the floors every other week.

I have not dusted in years. It's getting bad enough I may pay her to do a once over. Otherwise i have no problem letting housework go and having fun, but I have to have a little bit of Order!**bg**

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: ragdall
Date: 12 Nov 07 - 10:31 PM

Household hint from Mr. ragdall:
Dirty dishes stored in the refrigerator won't get smelly before you wash them next week.

gnu?
You sound like the perfect husband. Will you marry me? We can admire one another's dust collections. I now do most of the activities you mentioned and would be willing to split the work with you, 50/50.

rags

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 12 Nov 07 - 11:06 PM

Yeah, and if ya store the dirty dishes BEHIND the flippin' refrigerater or under the bed then they will smell...but ya wont' see 'em...which is better in my book. So who flippin' cares if they smell? The place usually reeks anyway. Ya get used to it after awhiles, eh?

- Shane

Subject: RE: BS: Does yours revert to kind?
From: katlaughing
Date: 13 Nov 07 - 12:01 AM

I do dishes by putting them in a sink of hot soapy water and letting them soak for a day or two or even three or four..usually by Saturday, when the water is starting to smell, I get around to washing them!