Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist

Subject: Even a dead challenge
From: Mysha
Date: 20 Apr 11 - 01:28 PM

Hi,

I work every day - my job it is tough
I'm earning my pay - but it's never enough
When money is tight - I just wander through town
But the telly last night - said you just need to drown

My life I'll insure - to take care of my wife
Then I'll be worth more - presumed dead than alive
Yet to show that I'm gone - now, what can I do?
The news says it's done - with an empty canoe.

But, when I'm in my grave - who will be my host?
Yes, who is so brave - that they'll harbour a ghost?
In the paper I read (and it's easy to learn)
That when I am dead - to my widow I'll turn

Still you can't spend your wealth - keeping close to the ground
So we'll drink to my health - and we'll travel around
Then I'll no longer heed - what the media said
My photo's don't need - to be on Internet!


Bye,
                               Mysha (Peter Hans van den Muijzenberg)

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: GUEST,highlandman at home
Date: 19 Apr 11 - 08:58 PM

Wow... this thread was dead almost the same length of time as its subject.
Nothing like the 'Cat!
Cheers
-Glenn

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: GUEST,Bluegrassman
Date: 19 Apr 11 - 08:14 PM

You will have to copy and paste the link to Martins song because I am not up on the blue clicky thing yet.

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: GUEST,Bluegrassman
Date: 19 Apr 11 - 08:10 PM

We have a great singer songwriter here in the North East of England, Mr Martin Nesbitt. Martin has written lots of songs, happy, sad and funny ones. Have a look at this song, "Panama to Parmo" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EELwluPE4tk
This song was written about the Canoeman from Seaton Carew and out of interest, a "Parmo" is a Teesside speciality dish that is getting well known around the world, as are Martins songs.

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: GUEST,bones
Date: 19 Apr 11 - 07:28 PM

There is a tune out there on the interweb called "The ballad of John Darwin". Go to myspace.com/fileyfolkfestival. You can hear the song there. The words are great - And you can hear the singer introduce the song by saying "There's a ghost of John Darwin" to much laughter and applause. It is really good - CHECK IT OUT.

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 10 Dec 07 - 08:04 PM

John Darwin used to be a policeman, it appears - some rewriting of The Policeman's Lot or The Bold Gendarmes might be in order. Or, for those who remember Z Cars, Johnny Todd.

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: GUEST,Gweltas1
Date: 10 Dec 07 - 07:07 PM

Loved Mikefule's version based on the John Kanaka shanty and am hoping that he doesnt mind that i have "tweaked" it a wee bit and added a few verses too

I thought I heard my old man say
John kayak-a-yakka in the bay
Today's the day I'm going away
John kayak-a-yakka too lie ay

Too lie ay, Ooooooooooooo, too lie ay
John kayak-a-yakka in the bay

I just paddled out into the bay
John kayak-ah-yakka in the bay
For to make the life insurance pay
John kayak-a-yakka too lie ay

Too lie ay, Ooooooooooooo, too lie ay
John kayak-a-yakka too lie ay

Went to meet my wife in far off lands
John kayak-a-yakka in the bay
Had our photo took there holding hands
John kayak-a-yakka too lie ay

Too lie ay, Ooooooooooooo, too lie ay
John kayak-a-yakka too lie ay

Told the cops I'd lost my memoreee
John kayak-a-yakka in the bay
But, they'll lock me up and hide the key
John kayak-a-yakka too lie ay

Too lie ay, Ooooooooooooo, too lie ay
John kayak-a-yakka too lie ay

My wife told our sons that I was dead
John kayak-a-yakka in the bay
Now they'll not forgive us... so they've said
John kayak-a-yakka too lie ay

Too lie ay, Ooooooooooooo, too lie ay
John kayak-a-yakka too lie ay

Behind a wardrobe I spent five years
John kayak-a-yakka in the bay
All for naught as its ended in tears
John kayak-a-yakka too lie ay

Too lie ay, Ooooooooooooo, too lie ay
John kayak-a-yakka too lie ay



But it's into the future I must look
John kayak-a-yakka in the bay
I'll re-feather our nest .... when I write my book!
John kayak-a-yakka too lie ay

Too lie ay, Ooooooooooooo, too lie ay
John kayak-a-yakka too lie ay

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: oldhippie
Date: 10 Dec 07 - 04:52 PM

The sixth line in the first verse could be

"My life insurance my wife collected, she said,"

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 10 Dec 07 - 04:15 PM

More lines tweaked to scan better and to come off the tongue more readily (and I quite agree - I hope they go easy on them. It's been a news story to cheer us up, and there aren't too many like that):

I went for a paddle one time in the wet
I was deep in the water and deeper in debt,
And what happened after, well, I quite forget..
But now everyone seems to be getting upset.
I went home to my wife and I told her "I'm dead",
But no, she wouldn't credit a word that I said,
She kept washing me clothes, she made sure I was fed,
But she said "You'd best keep your own side of the bed
And go paddle your own canoe."

Yes, I paddled me own canoe,
Oh what was a Hartlepool fellow to do,
Once the Hartlepool monkey was wrongfully framed,
As the Hartlepool Darwin I'm scorned and I'm shamed,
And it all started out as a kind of a game,
When I paddled me own canoe.

For five long long years I stayed close in the house,
I made sure that I made no more noise than a mouse,
I talked to the wall and I talked to my spouse
And I talked to myself when she wasn't about.
And everyone thought that I must have been drowned,
So if ever a neighbour should chance to come round,
Well, I had to make sure that I never was found,
So I'd climb in me cupboard and I'd go to ground,
And I paddled me own canoe.

Yes, I paddled me own canoe,
Oh what was a Hartlepool fellow to do,
Once the Hartlepool monkey was wrongfully framed,
As the Hartlepool Darwin I'm scorned and I'm shamed,
And it all started out as a kind of a game,
When I paddled me own canoe.

Then we flew far away, and we bought us a flat,
Then I posed for a picture in my panama hat,
And then somebody somewhere somehow smelt a rat,
And it all came on out - very soon that was that.
So if anyone's thinking of having a try,
You've got to take care when you make for to die,
You've got be sly and you've got to act shy,
If you don't you might end just the same way as I,
When I paddled me own canoe.

Yes, I paddled me own canoe,
Oh what was a Hartlepool fellow to do,
Once the Hartlepool monkey was wrongfully framed,
As the Hartlepool Darwin I'm scorned and I'm shamed,
And it all started out as a kind of a game,
When I paddled me own canoe.

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: The PA
Date: 10 Dec 07 - 07:06 AM

I'm sure there have been many references to up creeks without paddles etc. But, did anyone notice on the news on Thursday or Friday when he appeared in court, he arrived at court not in the usual security van but in the mobile police CCTV van. And the words on the side of the van - 'CAUGHT ON CAMERA'. A policeman with a sence of humour I think.

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: ard mhacha
Date: 10 Dec 07 - 06:47 AM

Very good McGrath, but I cannot help but feel sorry for the lady, she looked completely distressed.
Is it possible that the pair will receive the same lenient treatment that the City slickers received? I am referring to the men on the Guinness Board and the other big business thieves.

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 10 Dec 07 - 06:07 AM

Tweaked chorus:

Yes, I paddled me own canoe,
Oh what was a Hartlepool fellow to do,
Once the Hartlepool monkey was wrongfully framed,
As the Hartlepool Darwin, I'll be scorned, I'll be shamed,
And it all started out as a kind of a game,
When I paddled me own canoe.

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 10 Dec 07 - 05:22 AM

There should be something to be done with the coincidence of him being called Darwin and coming from Hartlepool...

Maybe for a chorus for that song of mine. Perhaps for alternate verses. No firm tune yet, but it's got the makings of one. But anyone is welcome to have a go with it. Words a bit adjusted here :

I went for a paddle out in the wet
Deep in the water and deeper in debt,
And what happened next, well, I quite forget..
Now why must everyone get so upset?
I told me lady wife I was dead,
But she didn't believe a word that I said,
And she washed me clothes and made sure I was fed,
But she said "Best keep your side of the bed"
And I paddled me own canoe.

Yes, I paddled me own canoe,
Oh what was a fella to do,
Like the Hartlepool monkey I'll be put in a frame,
As the Hartlepool Darwin, I'll be scorned and be shamed,
And it all started out as a kind of a game,
When I paddled me own canoe.

For five long years I stayed in the house,
I made sure that I made no more noise than a mouse,
I talked to nobody else but my spouse
And I talked to myself when she wasn't about.
And everyone thought that I must have been drowned,
So if ever a neighbour should chance to come round,
I'd climb in me cupboard so I'd go to ground,
Yes, I made quite sure that I never was found,
And I paddled me own canoe.

Yes, I paddled me own canoe,
Oh what was a fella to do,
Like the Hartlepool monkey I'll be put in a frame,
As the Hartlepool Darwin, I'll be scorned and be shamed,
And it all started out as a kind of a game,
When I paddled me own canoe.

Then we flew far away, and we bought us a flat,
Then I posed for a pic in my panama hat,
And it seemed that somebody smelt a rat,
And it all came out - and that was that.
So if anyone else wants to have a try,
You've got to take care when you make to die,
You've got sly and you've got to act shy,
If you don't you might end just the same as I,
When I paddled me own canoe.

Yes, I paddled me own canoe,
Oh what was a fella to do,
Like the Hartlepool monkey I'll be put in a frame,
As the Hartlepool Darwin, I'll be scorned and be shamed,
And it all started out as a kind of a game,
When I paddled me own canoe.

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: Betsy
Date: 09 Dec 07 - 09:01 PM

I would have thought - the tune and sentimnent of the Hartlepool Monkey may have played a bigger part of this thread .
Unfortunately I fear that all the shit hasn't hit the fan - Yet !!!!

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: Charley Noble
Date: 09 Dec 07 - 08:47 PM

McGrath-

What a fine song for such a sorry story.

I can almost visualize this as a video.

Is there a tune?

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 09 Dec 07 - 07:50 PM

I went for a paddle out in the wet
Deep in the water and deep in debt,
And what happened next, well, I quite forget..
Now why must everyone get so upset?

I told me wife that I was dead,
But she didn't believe a word I said,
And she washed me clothes and she kept me fed,
But she said "Best keep your side of the bed".

For five long years I stayed in the house,
I made sure to make no more noise than a mouse,
I talked to nobody else but my spouse
And I talked to myself when she wasn't about.

And everyone thought that I must have been drowned,
So if ever a neighbour should chance to come round,
I'd climb in me cupboard and go to ground,
Oh I made quite sure that I never was found,

Then we flew far away, and we bought us a flat,
Then I posed for a pic in my panama hat,
And it seemed that somebody smelt a rat,
And it all came out - and that was that.

So if anyone else wants to have a try,
You've got to take care when you make to die,
You've got sly and you've got to act shy,
If you don't you might end just the same as I.

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: Helen
Date: 09 Dec 07 - 07:01 AM

Ian,

You're right! Reggie Perrin! I bought the DVD of the series a year or so ago because I remembered it from 3 decades ago. What a great programme! His wife recognised him when he came back but pretended not to know who he was.

This canoeist watches too much tv, methinks.

Helen

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: Murray MacLeod
Date: 09 Dec 07 - 06:24 AM

his first words when he walked into the police station were reportedly "that's the last time I'm having dinner with the McCanns."

I'll get my coat ...

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: Carol
Date: 09 Dec 07 - 06:01 AM

Well he surely did Rise Again

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: David C. Carter
Date: 09 Dec 07 - 05:19 AM

Is this man a "Born Again Canoeist?"

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: Mikefule
Date: 09 Dec 07 - 04:35 AM

Edit, I missed the obvious, canoe-kayaker; plus an extra verse:

I thought I heard my old man say
John canoe-kayaker in the bay
Today today I'm going away
John canoe-kayaker too ri ay

Too ri ay, Ooooooooooooo, too ri ay
John canoe-kayaker too ri ay

I'll paddle out into the bay
John canoe-kayaker in the bay
Make the life insurance pay
John canoe-kayaker too ri ay

Too ri ay, Ooooooooooooo, too ri ay
John canoe-kayaker too ri ay

I'll meet my wife in far off lands
John canoe-kayaker in the bay
Photographed there holding hands
John canoe-kayaker too ri ay

Too ri ay, Ooooooooooooo, too ri ay
John canoe-kayaker too ri ay

Said I'd lost my memoreee
John canoe-kayaker in the bay
They'll lock me up and hide the key
John canoe-kayaker too ri ay

Too ri ay, Ooooooooooooo, too ri ay
John canoe-kayaker too ri ay

I hid behind the wardrobe door
John canoe-kayaker in the bay
And now I'll face the weight of law
John canoe-kayaker too ri ay

Too ri ay, Ooooooooooooo, too ri ay
John canoe-kayaker too ri ay

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: GUEST,Ian cookieless
Date: 09 Dec 07 - 04:04 AM

I am suddenly reminded of The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin, a British TV sit-com in the 1970s. Any parallels, I wonder?

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: Helen
Date: 09 Dec 07 - 01:49 AM

It gets even more twisted, in my opinion.

"Anne Darwin, 55, spoke out in an interview carried in the Daily Mail and Daily Mirror tabloids. Her husband is being held by police on suspicion of fraud.

"The pair had been trying to start afresh in Panama City this year. Mrs Darwin has left Panama in the last few days and the Daily Mail's story was datelined Miami. She too is likely to be arrested if she returns to Britain.

"Recounting the exceptional tale, she said the couple had about 12 houses as rental investments in County Durham, north-east England, and began to run up debts of tens of thousands of pounds."
Wife of 'dead' Briton comes clean

"British media said she sold two properties and left for central America with 450,000 pounds ($1.04 million) shortly before her husband's shock reappearance this month, when he walked into a London police station and said: 'I believe I am a missing person.'"
Police given more time to quiz 'dead' canoeist

So, in 2002 they were running up lots of debt with their 12 properties, so he decided to do the insurance scam, and then this year the wife decides to join him in Panama so she sells two properties and leaves the country with 450,000 pounds.

My question is, if they had 12 properties and couldn't afford the debts why didn't they sell off a couple of properties back in 2002 and put their finances back in the black?

I'm even more interested in the human aspect of this story. The lies, deceptions, the man's loss of contact with his sons, the sons severing ties with the parents because of their sense of betrayal. But, above all else, I'm fascinated with the couple's belief that they could get away with this and live a normal (but rich) life.

Helen

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: Charley Noble
Date: 08 Dec 07 - 09:58 PM

The water is wide and I can't cross o'er,
Neither have I wings to fly,
But give me a canoe, and when I'm through,
I'll have a bundle when I "die."

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: Betsy
Date: 08 Dec 07 - 09:13 PM

Start Again ,
I'm impressed by Helen & Mikefule - maybe we could start with "Old Folks ,young Folks every one and each - come and see the Kayak that's landed on the beach.............etc"
There is ( apparently ) lots more to come form this story,e.g. did the sons (who vehemently wish to disassociate themselves from their parents) - both recently in the last two weeks , resign their own jobs.

"As we say around here- There's nowt so queer as Folk ".

No doubt they will both make loads of Dollars with Film and Book rights,
so why the fuck are we concerned ? - it just reflects the shitty , perverse society which has evolved .

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: Betsy
Date: 08 Dec 07 - 08:51 PM

I, m Impessed by Helen

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: Helen
Date: 08 Dec 07 - 03:43 PM

And, they've been reading "The Chronicles of Narnia" by C.S. Lewis, specifically the book called "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe".

The canoeist's wife "told the Daily Mirror her husband had partly lived with her in the family home, but if visitors called, had to flee through the passage hidden by a wardrobe with a false back to the neighbouring apartment."

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: Helen
Date: 08 Dec 07 - 04:37 AM

I tried to find a DVD or video to buy of the 1963 movie called The Running Man, directed by Carol Reed, and based on the novel by Shelley Smith. (I've also read other novels by her and they are a very good read.)

The only place I found a copy of the video was a US or Canadian site which only sells to the north American continent. So frustrating!

I saw the movie when I was in high school and I was very taken with it. It is listed as a rotten tomato on many sites but the characters and the plot was intriguing and the main actors were Lee Remick, Alan Bates and Lawrence Harvey so it was well acted.

The plot? It's about an insurance fraud. Harvey's character fakes his death in a plane crash at sea, and then makes his way to Malaga, where he's later joined by his wife Remick. Bates is an insurance investigator who also turns up in Spain, and the guilty couple are left to wonder constantly whether Bates is just on holiday or if he really knows something.

So, substitute a canoe for the plane, and Panama for Malaga, and what have you got? A not-so-dead canoeist.

Helen

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: Charley Noble
Date: 07 Dec 07 - 10:01 PM

McGrath-

Are you suggesting that we send out a Mudcat bag team to neaten things up? We could do that, but wouldn't it be wrong?

Charley Ignoble

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 07 Dec 07 - 08:52 PM

Is "undead" the right term in this case?

Since he's already been declared dead, what would be the position of someone who tidied things up by killing him now?

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: Charley Noble
Date: 07 Dec 07 - 09:47 AM

Mikefule-

Very promising ditty! Err, I think you mean "wife" in the next to last verse instead of "wide." She now claims she didn't meet him until a couple of years after he "disappeared." Maybe she had amnesia as well. And the sons are irate at both parents; hope they return all the presents and loans that their parents provided, if any.

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: theleveller
Date: 07 Dec 07 - 03:13 AM

How about Duelling Banjos from Deliverance?

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: Mikefule
Date: 07 Dec 07 - 02:46 AM

I thought I heard my old man say
John ka-kaya-kayak in the bay
Today today I'm going away
John ka-kayak-kayak too ri ay

Too ri ay, Ooooooooooooo, too ri ay
John ka-kayak-kayak too ri ay

I'll paddle out into the bay
John ka-kaya-kayak in the bay
Make the life insurance pay
John ka-kayak-kayak too ri ay

Too ri ay, Ooooooooooooo, too ri ay
John ka-kayak-kayak too ri ay

I'll meet my wide in far off lands
John ka-kaya-kayak in the bay
Photographed there holding hands
John ka-kayak-kayak too ri ay

Too ri ay, Ooooooooooooo, too ri ay
John ka-kayak-kayak too ri ay

Said I'd lost my memoreee
John ka-kaya-kayak in the bay
They'll lock me up and hide the key
John ka-kayak-kayak too ri ay

Too ri ay, Ooooooooooooo, too ri ay
John ka-kayak-kayak too ri ay

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: EBarnacle
Date: 06 Dec 07 - 10:20 PM

If you'd like a novel on a similar theme, read The Partner by Grisham.
D'ya think the one inspired the other

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: Charley Noble
Date: 06 Dec 07 - 08:49 PM

Most likely the reason this fella surrended to the police was because at this point he was in fear for his life, given that his wife and maybe other family members had shared the insurance money. He might well have been worth much more dead than alive.

I do love the level of discussion here, prior to drafting verses.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 06 Dec 07 - 07:43 PM

Up to date:

A phote taken of him with his wife in panama 12 months ago has surfaced - he has been arrested...

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: GUEST,Frug
Date: 06 Dec 07 - 03:53 PM

Sorry that was me

Frank

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: GUEST
Date: 06 Dec 07 - 03:52 PM

How about these opening lines (based on matt hyland)
There was a fraud lived in this town who had a thought to con the tax man..................

continue ad lib

Frank

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: GUEST,Ian cookieless
Date: 06 Dec 07 - 03:25 PM

Bee-dubya-ell: "Some people fake their deaths for financial gain. Many more of us fake our lives for the very same reason." Wow. That stopped me in my tracks when I read that. There's *got* to be a song in that profundity.

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: GerryMc
Date: 06 Dec 07 - 05:23 AM



For his story (and song) to have any real weight to it he needed to be away for seven years, not five. Also, some kind of broken token should be involved.

There should be some kind of award presented to someone who, supposedly in hiding from the entire world, has his photo taken last year and then allows it to be published on a website. I think the World in World Wide Web should give it away. D'oh!



Gerry :-)

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: MartinRyan
Date: 06 Dec 07 - 04:45 AM

In most of our songs, of course, the guy's main problem when he comes back from the dead after seven years beating Napoleon, is that nobody recognises him until he produces half a ring, a threepenny bit or whatever. In this case, the guy's main problem was that someone DID recognise him!

Regards

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: Dick The Box
Date: 06 Dec 07 - 04:41 AM

It just goes to show that you can't have your kayak and beat it........

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Dec 07 - 10:55 PM

Some people fake their deaths for financial gain. Many more of us fake our lives for the very same reason.

Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead conoeist
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 05 Dec 07 - 06:12 PM

I think we could do something with "Henry the Poacher"

Chorus

"Young men arise
Lest you are drawn into the tide"

Subject: Song challenge: Not-so-dead conoeist
From: oldhippie
Date: 05 Dec 07 - 06:07 PM

Is there a "Ballad of John Darwin" here?

SEATON CAREW, England - Was he a victim of amnesia or a con artist who tried to fake his death to collect life insurance?

Whatever the answer, Britain is captivated by the tale of how John Darwin vanished after paddling into the North Sea in a canoe, was declared dead when its wreckage washed ashore, then turned up five years later at a police station claiming to have lost his memory.

Investigators suspect fraud: They arrested the 57-year-old former prison officer Wednesday on suspicion he faked his death so his wife could cash in on his insurance policy and move to Panama.