WORST single lines

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: dwditty
Date: 10 May 99 - 10:34 AM

Who could forget "Last Kiss" Oh where, oh where can my baby be? Just look down.
DW

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: The Shambles
Date: 10 May 99 - 05:38 PM

There is a song written by Gerry Garcia called 'Black Muddy River', which is a nice song but for one line that I just couldn't sing.

"The scream of an eagle on the fly".

ON THE FLY?

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: LEJ
Date: 10 May 99 - 05:42 PM

KC...great comments about Jim Morrison. My feeling was that if I could be as moody and dark as Jimbo, all the girls would want to spend one night making MY disposition sunny. I think Jim did considerably better in that regard.

However that may be, I do feel that Morrison and the Doors stood apart from the rest of the Flower-Power fluff of that era in creating a unique, dark and very inward-looking music. Morrison was certainly excessive in everything he did, but many of his lyrics express a deep feeling of loneliness,isolation and the longing for something beyond the mundane that spoke to a generation, and still does. His band created Rock Theatre on stage, and blurred the lines between the artist as personna and the artist as individual- this was the issue that eventually forced Morrison to reject Rock Stardom and withdraw to Paris to live the life of a poet. The great irony being that he was certainly more adept at entertainment than he was as a poet. I believe the man was certainly more than his great hair- the ultimate tragedy for him was that he himself was never sure.

LEJ

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Joe Offer
Date: 10 May 99 - 08:02 PM

Well, darn - somebody already posted my nominations - "Yummy, Yummy, etc.," and just about any line from "MacArthur Park." The thing is, picking "worst lines" from pop songs is like shooting ducks in a pond. You'll notice that most of the songs in the "best lines" thread are folk songs. I'd like to see a few more folk song nominations in this "worst" thread. That would be a good test of our honesty - not that I can think of any lines right off myself....
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Jerry Friedman
Date: 10 May 99 - 08:31 PM

Hmm, I'd describe the lyrics of "Light my Fire" as mediocre, but they wouldn't make my list of the worst. Morrison strikes me as too serious about his surrealism and his not-too-authentic blues roots, but I still like the Doors a lot (even some of the lyrics). He did perpetrate perhaps the most painful grammar in the history of American popular music, though--"Till the stars fall from the sky/ For you and I."

Rod McKuen is a songwriter--the two I know are "I may not Pass this Way Again" (I'm on my way to find a friend,/ And I may not pass this way again...) and "Jean" (Jean, Jean, the roses are red,/ All the leaves have gone green....) The music is as sweet as the lyrics. But. Not only that. Unless I'm very much mistaken, Rod wrote the English words to... "Seasons in the Sun"! That's right, folks! The original French lyrics are by Jacques Brel, as is the music, and the original song is much better.

The problem with bad lines in folk songs is that they're bad because they're authentic, so you can't criticize them. See Tom Lehrer's introduction to "The Folk Song Army". But I must say I rather like "Our captain fell in love with a lady like a dove". To me the worst line in that Fenario/Fyvie-o/etc. song is "Destroying all the ladies in the area-o."

Surely "Drop-Kick me, Jesus" is a joke. Right?

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Rodney Rawlings
Date: 10 May 99 - 09:11 PM

The way you look tonight ... The way you LOOK tona-ha-hight ... The way you look toni-YI-YIght ... The way you loOOOOOOOok tonight ... Way y'look t'nite ... The way you look to-night ... Way you look da way you look da way you look ...

On the subject of pop, where's Jerome Kern when you need him?!

Rodney Rawlings Music, Melody, and Songs ("The song, not the singer.") http://www.druid.net/~rodney

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: KYST (inactive)
Date: 11 May 99 - 12:26 AM

I just ran across this.

FIVE CONSTIPATED MEN

There were five, five, constipated men In the Bible, in the Bible There five, five, constipated men In the five books of Moses

The first, first, constipated man Was Cain, he wasn't Abel The first, first, constipated man Was Cain, he wasn't Abel

CHORUS

The second, second constipated man Was Balaam, he couldn't move his ass The second, second constipated man Was Balaam, he couldn't move his ass

and it goes on and on!!!

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: WyoWoman
Date: 11 May 99 - 01:25 AM

Well, after that, I'm gonna retire. What could be worse than five constipated men? (I'm sure I'll get some answers...)

And of course, LEJ, there was more to Morrison than his hair or he'd never have become the idol he did. He obviously was giving voice to SOMEthing we all needed to have said at the time. But he began to believe his own P.R. and got just a smidge pretentious, don't you think? My abiding memory of The Doors was the first time I ever remember hearing them, and my roommate and I were lying on the floor of our dorm room, listening to "The End," through our HAIR DRYER HOSE, no less. At the time, it seemed to make great sense and to hugely enhance the eery effects of the music. That was also the night we decided to write down the Great Truths -- things we could say without question were always, unalterably true. We got to "Potato chips are hard to swallow whole" and "there's a funny smell in the room" and "Earth is way the f*** out in space," and the RA (resident advisor) busted us for laughing. But that was long ago and far away, and has nothing to do with five constipated men...

kc

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 11 May 99 - 02:54 AM

Yes, Jerry, there is a "Dropkick Me Jesus"

It's by Bobby Bare (writer of "Detroit City"), and is on his "The Winner and Other Losers" album. It was actually the theme song for Monday Night Footbal for one season--or a few games, at least. I have the album and will try to get around to posting the words. For now, here's the chorus:

Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life,
End over end, neither left nor the right,
Straight through the bars of them righteous uprights,
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalsposts of life.

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Shack
Date: 11 May 99 - 09:51 AM

"Woke up this morning, spilled all the coffee." Poetic stuff, Willie! But nobody can ever beat, "You're my Jamaica; you're where I want to be-ee" (Charlie Pride)

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Peter T.
Date: 11 May 99 - 10:01 AM

Well, Joe, I don't know about single lines in folk music, but I have always hated everything about "Ilkley Moor Baht'eht" (You can spell it at random, it hardly matters), especially the terribly authentic way people sing it, emphasizing all those cute Northern semi-vowels. ("Then worms shall coom and eat thee oop!!!") The song is dreary, like Where Have All the Flowers Gone without the cheery optimism of WHAFG, and the tune is like something thought up by a whining drunk after a walk in a cute factory. It has no redeeming qualities, except that it is screamingly authentic, like the Black Death and cholera. I don't know anything about its history, and don't want to know anything about its history. The first person who ever sang it should have been strangled immediately and drawn-and-quartered in a public place as a warning to others.
Yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: WyoWoman
Date: 11 May 99 - 10:25 AM

You favor the strangling before the drawing and quartering then? I wish someone would have thought of that in the execrable last scene from "Braveheart," so we wouldn't have had to watch Mel Gibson writhe handsomely and overact for 20 minutes!

I don't know if it's the WORST single line, but for sheer inexplicable, we might go to that famous old Mexican fold song made so famous by Ritchie Valens (YEARS before my time, of course) "La Bamba." The first verse is cute, "Para bailar la bamba..." ("To dance la bamba, you need a little grace and another little thing...") then we cut to the "Yo no soy marinero, soy capitan, soy capitan..." What does it mean, "I'm not a sailor, I'm the captain..." Huh? This, as far as I can tell, is it for that song.

(It may not matter anyway, since people only sing "Para bailar la bamba, la la la la la la la la...etc." anyway.

kc

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Peter T.
Date: 11 May 99 - 10:45 AM

Dear KC, you are of course right. I meant to say taken out, disembowelled while still conscious (with a few worms sprinkled in the guts), and then drawn-and-quartered by slow horses. Almost exactly like watching the last half hour of Braveheart, and reasonably close to the experience of watching the first two hours.
Yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 11 May 99 - 10:57 AM

Peter, you've nailed it. "ilkley....etc" is pretty damned annoying. I've been trying to think of other folksongs that deserve to be on this list, but of course we're far more charitable towards them. My favourite band of all time, the Delmore Brothers sang "Hard luck Poppa countin' his toes. You can smell his feet wherever he goes". That's not a pleasant image.

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Peter T.
Date: 11 May 99 - 11:52 AM

How about "Green Grow the Rushes ,O?" ("What is your nine-ho?") If you sing this in my presence you will be one is one and all alone and ever more shall be so!
(I especially hate discussions about who all the characters imprisoned in this song forever are. It seems to bring out the pontificators clothed all in green-o).
May their children turn out to be what they always hoped they would be, and thus reveal to them at the end of their lives the final barrenness of all their hopes and dreams.
(I learned that toast/curse from an Irish poet some years ago).
Yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Allan C.
Date: 11 May 99 - 01:18 PM

I have to wonder what you were "on", KC! Not that I haven't had similar revelations...

The "o" thing with Fenario and "Green Grow...) is to me one of the most irritating lyric devices found in some folk songs. For instance, I have a real problem with songs about Californi-O.

Speaking of the "o" thing - this was one of the main things which put me off from singing Madrigals. ex.: "Just as the tide was flo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o--o-o-owing"

Good grief!

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Sean MacRuaraidh (inactive)
Date: 11 May 99 - 01:19 PM

On Ilkley moor bah tat - is a song I used to sing at University in Newcastle with a few friends - one from Hampshire - when we got drunk at parties. The foreign students liked and we also sang it in that ridiculous way were one person sings one line, the others sing the next - the tune shoots from high to low and the whole thing is mayhem in an acapello, barbers-shop style.

It was fun to sing and the lyrics were irrelevant though if you know the song properley then at least its capturing some of the old language of the North which is something I like.

If you think the song is dreary its because the people singing it are making it dreary. I realise how the subject matter might inspire that approach but its really not necessary.

Also, its one of those songs that everyone in the UK knows a bit of as we all do it at school at some point so there's no need to teach it to people first.

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: WyoWoman
Date: 11 May 99 - 11:27 PM

Sean, now I'm curious about how that tune goes. Sounds like great fun. One of the things I miss about moving up here in the wild West is that the music jams are all bluegrass, which is great fun for the instrumentalists, and some for a singer, but you don't get those great, lively sings we used to have when I lived in New Mexico -- brought to us, of course, by friends who'd spent time in the U.K., and learned a thing or two about the deep fun of group sings. Allan -- Well, it WAS the '60s, of course, and I WAS but a kid, and doing a bit of what kids were doing back then. But just a bit... ;-}

kc

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Sean MacRuaraidh (inactive)
Date: 12 May 99 - 09:01 AM

I can't describe it and don't have the facilities to put it online.

Sorry.

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: tomtom
Date: 12 May 99 - 10:13 AM

DWDitty,

The line from the N. Diamond song is:

"I am," I said, to no one there, and no one heard at all, not even the chair.

You're right. It's awful. And if the world is broken up into lovers and haters of N.D., we're on the same side.

tomtom

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Bert
Date: 12 May 99 - 10:22 AM

Peter T,

It's not supposed to be authentic, it's supposed to be funny. It should be sung in 'solemn mockery' of both the situation and the accent. I don't know who you've heard singing it but they obviously weren't getting the message across.

Bert.

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From:
Date: 12 May 99 - 10:30 AM

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Roger the zimmer
Date: 12 May 99 - 10:30 AM

It would be unfair of me to single out lines which I hate but may have touched someone else tho' I would agree MacArthur Park has more than its fair share or cringe-makers. However, the non-vocal version by the Maynard Ferguson Big Band is a cracker!

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Peter T.
Date: 12 May 99 - 11:36 AM

Well, for a start my mother is a Tynesider, and I love all things Northern (except the food and that song!). KC, Ilkley Moor is the kind of deep group fun one associates with the Arrival of the Vikings and the Peterloo Massacre.
And you are right, Bert, it is usually sung in a tone of "solemn mockery" which is exactly what I hate most about it. It encapsulates the worst side of folk music, the kind of thing that is like fingernails on a blackboard. Bring on the quarter horses!!!
Yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Bret Maiers
Date: 12 May 99 - 11:46 AM

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Bert
Date: 12 May 99 - 11:55 AM

Peter,

Your point is taken, I can see how you would hate it if you don't like that sort of thing. I think that Monty Python proves that there is a clearly defined line between that which some people find funny and others find repulsive.

I don't agree with you about the food either, I just LOVE 'black pudding', but my wife won't have it in the house:-)

Personally, my worst kind of folk music is 'the interminable ballad' but it takes all sorts.

Bert.

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Allan C.
Date: 12 May 99 - 11:56 AM

tomtom, I am not a great Neil Diamond fan and I believe that much of his stuff has found its rightful place among the muzak of the dentist office. But, regarding: "'I am' I said, to no one there, and no one heard at all, not even the chair." it may partially excuse it if you were to know how and where it was written. Neil, who says he was a great fan of Lenny Bruce (I think he said they were close friends but I wouldn't want to misquote him), had gone to the tryouts for a movie being made about Lenny. Well, the tryouts were over. Neil wasn't selected to play the part of Lenny. Crestfallen and disappointed, he sat in an empty hallway near the stage entry - just him and the chair - and attempted to express his feelings by writing that song.

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Bret Maiers
Date: 12 May 99 - 11:57 AM

"The old horse died, the mule went lame I lost my cow in a poker game."

By Doc Boggs "My old horse died"

Later in the song he lets loose with this little gem:

"An earthquake came to make it good Swallowed the ground where my home stood. Mortgage man came around and partially claimed the hole in the ground."

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Peter T.
Date: 12 May 99 - 12:05 PM

Did the chair get the part instead for being less wooden? (cf. The Jazz Singer)
Yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Art Thieme
Date: 12 May 99 - 03:26 PM

Jack Webb in the detective radio show from the 40s, __PAT NOVAC FOR HIRE__ (one of the best written of the lard-boiled detective shows). The prose was intentionally overblown and wonderful while still being terribly unique.

SHE HAD A VOICE LIKE BOWEL OF WARM STEW!!!

Art

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Art Thieme
Date: 12 May 99 - 03:30 PM

Obviously (I hope) that should've been BOWL!

Art

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Bert
Date: 12 May 99 - 05:17 PM

You did that on purpose!

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Earl
Date: 12 May 99 - 06:56 PM

I have to take exception with "everybody's talkin bout a new way of walkin- do you wanna lose your mind?" Sounded sort of hackneyed in the 60's but it must have been pretty cool when Gus Cannon wrote it in the 20's.

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Earl
Date: 12 May 99 - 07:20 PM

On second thought, it was stupid even in the 20's. Fun to sing though.

Another stupid line that's fun to sing is in Leadbelly's "Titanic" - "The Titanic went around the curve, ran into the big iceberg."

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 12 May 99 - 09:59 PM

I wonder...might "Dropkick Me Jesus" have been written by Shel Silverstein? --seed

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: campfire
Date: 12 May 99 - 10:22 PM

I had skipped this thread until tonight. I had a horrible day at work and just decided to read threads I hadn't had time for.

Laughed myself silly and I'm in a much better mood now - Thanks All.

The only "worst line" that comes to mind at the moment is in the old hymn, "In the Garden":
...and the voice I hear falling on my ear
Someone always busts out laughing whenever we sing it, picturing someone falling on their ear.

campfire

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Art Thieme
Date: 12 May 99 - 10:44 PM

NEW WAY O' WALKIN
NEW WAY O' TALKIN'
DO YA WANT TO LOSE YOR MIND?

Obviously these are very serious references in the song "Walk Right In" about Jamaican Ginger liquor which had as it's unfortunate side efects BLINDNESS, A STAGGERING GAIT based on brain damage often called the "jake walk", and permanent DEMENTIA.

Many blues were composed by various country blues artists about the maladies---"Jake Walk Blues" for one.

In the film ___To Have And Have Not__ with Bogart & Bacall, Bogie's sidekick was Walter Brennan who had all the symptoms except blindness.

Walk Right In
Set yourself down
Baby, let your mind roll on.

...makes perfect sense to me!

Art Thieme

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Allan C.
Date: 13 May 99 - 07:40 AM

Yeah, old Walter seemed to have a bad case of what they called, "Jake leg" - acquired from ingesting not only Jamaican Ginger liquor but any manner of wood alcohol which made the rounds during prohibition.

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: JOField
Date: 13 May 99 - 11:11 AM

"It was the kind of town where they spelled trouble T-R-U-B-L-E, and if you tried to correct them, they killed you."

--"Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid"

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: LEJ
Date: 13 May 99 - 11:32 AM

OK Art, so maybe there are no bad lines, just lines we haven't had fully explained. I'll probably find out Dan Fogelberg was a County Coroner before he became a ballad singer.

LEJ

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: alison
Date: 14 May 99 - 09:08 PM

Hi,

Can't remember this one exactly... but you'll know it.

She wrecked the car and she got sad 'cos she was scared that I'd get mad, but what the heck.

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: LEJ
Date: 14 May 99 - 09:28 PM

Right Alison! Was the next line...

"She left her purse behind her there, I tripped on it,went down the stairs, and broke my neck."

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Wotcha
Date: 14 May 99 - 09:41 PM

"On Ilkley moor Baht' at" is a fine drinking song -- hilarious after several pints (and it's the accent that is such fun -- that's the whole point of the song for southerners that is). And for another (bad?) song that requires an accent -- unless you've had enough zider, "Widdecombe Fair" : "Tom Pearce, Tom Pearce, lend me your grey mare ..."

Nothing quite beats the English rugby adaption of "Alouette" which turns a dainty French lounge song into something quite disreputable.

But modern British classics include any soccer team song: "Bring me a bucket of Vindaloo"; "Blue is the colour, football is the game ..."; "I did it Heighway" [after Steve Heighway of Liverpool in 72].

Cheers, burp ...@#* Brian

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: alison
Date: 14 May 99 - 09:47 PM

LEJ,

I reckon your line is better than the original... would have got the whole song finished alot quicker too... **grin**

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Chris Clarke
Date: 17 May 99 - 05:45 AM

Bseed and KYST, please the full words if you have them for Dropkick Me Jesus, and Five Constipated Men in the Bible. Who were the other three? It's worse than not knowing the last two Seven Drunken Nights.

My own nominations are:

Hey good lookin' What ya got cookin'

And from The Messiah (OK it's not folk but bits of it are very country) -

We like sheep

See what I mean? Especially sung by the massed choirs of New Zealand (antipodean in-joke).

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: LEJ
Date: 17 May 99 - 12:13 PM

Amazing! I never knew that Wyoming and New Zealand had so much in common,Chris. Everytime a Wyoming stockmen walks past the flock, the plaintive cry "Daaaaaaad!" can be heard, raised by many voices.

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From:
Date: 17 May 99 - 01:53 PM

Chris- Both Dropkick and Constipated are in the database. Seek, and thou shall find...

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: The Shambles
Date: 17 May 99 - 02:50 PM

Why didn't we suggest Dropkick and Constipated as a name for Kat and Bet's band?

Not brave enough eh?

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Chris Clarke
Date: 19 May 99 - 05:22 AM

Thanks, I now have Dropkick and Constipated. Don't they go together well. I need them as repertoire for the Antichrist Choristers. Any other suggestions?

LEJ - to Wyoming and New Zealand add Wales, although the only story there to which I attached any credence concerned a pig. No doubt every place has the same joke but about somewhere else.

The full Messiah line is:

And we like sheep

Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Roger the zimmer
Date: 19 May 99 - 05:32 AM

From Bill Oddie (the Goodies) mock blues on the subject of, er, vomiting:
"I threw up in the bedroom,
I threw up in the loo
And if you'd a' bin there baby
I'd a' thrown up over you

Incidentally, now we're mocking the New Zealanders , is it true they think "One Man and His Dog" is like Blind Date? ("Cor, look at the fleece on that!")?

Tho' I did stay in a NZ-run motel in the Cook Islands where they mocked Canadians (surely not?) by listing local events with times followed by "for Canadians -when the big hand is on the ..." etc !