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Worst pickup lines ever

Related threads:
Favorite Pickup Line (48)
Worst/Best pickup lines ever II (5) (closed)


Max 05 May 99 - 07:24 PM
McMusic 05 May 99 - 09:35 PM
alison 05 May 99 - 10:09 PM
bseed(charleskratz) 05 May 99 - 10:16 PM
campfire 05 May 99 - 11:13 PM
John Hindsill 05 May 99 - 11:14 PM
northfolk/al cholger 05 May 99 - 11:20 PM
Tucker 05 May 99 - 11:23 PM
John Hindsill 05 May 99 - 11:25 PM
Sandy Paton 06 May 99 - 12:45 AM
SeanM 06 May 99 - 01:56 AM
Steve Parkes 06 May 99 - 03:38 AM
KingBrilliant 06 May 99 - 05:22 AM
Steve Parkes 06 May 99 - 06:39 AM
Bob Schwarer 06 May 99 - 08:49 AM
Rick Fielding 06 May 99 - 09:05 AM
alison 06 May 99 - 10:04 AM
Peter T. 06 May 99 - 10:24 AM
Allan C. 06 May 99 - 10:40 AM
Peter Fisher 06 May 99 - 11:09 AM
Margo 06 May 99 - 11:34 AM
danl 06 May 99 - 12:15 PM
Allan C. 06 May 99 - 01:16 PM
annamill 06 May 99 - 02:01 PM
bill\sables 06 May 99 - 02:12 PM
Mo 06 May 99 - 02:32 PM
Barry Finn 06 May 99 - 08:53 PM
Sheye 06 May 99 - 09:59 PM
northfolk/al cholger 06 May 99 - 11:19 PM
bseed(charleskratz) 06 May 99 - 11:26 PM
Sean MacRuaraidh (inactive) 07 May 99 - 07:40 AM
Roger the zimmer 07 May 99 - 08:02 AM
Rick Fielding 07 May 99 - 10:17 AM
Jerry Friedman 07 May 99 - 05:39 PM
Alice 07 May 99 - 06:58 PM
Matthew B. 07 May 99 - 09:05 PM
alison 07 May 99 - 10:28 PM
Big Mick 07 May 99 - 10:38 PM
alison 07 May 99 - 11:17 PM
Joe Offer 08 May 99 - 12:10 AM
Joe Offer 08 May 99 - 12:12 AM
LEJ 08 May 99 - 04:57 PM
bseed(charleskratz) 08 May 99 - 06:03 PM
Sam Hudson 09 May 99 - 10:45 AM
Sandy 10 May 99 - 06:44 AM
Allan C. 10 May 99 - 07:36 AM
WyoWoman 10 May 99 - 10:41 AM
Rick Fielding 10 May 99 - 11:51 AM
MAG (inactive) 12 May 99 - 06:53 PM
WyoWoman 12 May 99 - 11:51 PM
Art Thieme 13 May 99 - 01:05 AM
Art Thieme 13 May 99 - 01:19 AM
gargoyle 14 May 99 - 12:19 AM
WyoWoman 14 May 99 - 12:21 AM
Steve Parkes 14 May 99 - 03:28 AM
14 May 99 - 08:10 AM
Neil Lowe 14 May 99 - 10:28 AM
manylodges 15 May 99 - 12:06 AM
WyoWoman 16 May 99 - 03:17 PM
danl 17 May 99 - 03:48 PM
no name on this, please! 18 May 99 - 11:09 AM
Penny S. 18 May 99 - 12:40 PM
Easy Rider 18 May 99 - 01:42 PM
Steve Latimer 18 May 99 - 01:52 PM
Bert 18 May 99 - 04:00 PM
Penny S 18 May 99 - 05:06 PM
Penny S. 18 May 99 - 07:11 PM
Terry 18 May 99 - 07:29 PM
WyoWoman 18 May 99 - 08:35 PM
Lonesome EJ 19 May 99 - 01:51 AM
Penny S. 19 May 99 - 02:38 AM
Felipa 19 May 99 - 06:34 AM
Bert 19 May 99 - 08:40 AM
Roger the zimmer 19 May 99 - 08:49 AM
Felipa 19 May 99 - 11:38 AM
Felipa 19 May 99 - 11:41 AM
Noel P 19 May 99 - 12:32 PM
Bert 19 May 99 - 12:54 PM
Duane D. 11 Jul 99 - 02:38 PM
WyoWoman 11 Jul 99 - 03:43 PM
Ted from Australia 11 Jul 99 - 05:18 PM
WyoWoman 11 Jul 99 - 06:43 PM
Wally Macnow 11 Jul 99 - 07:01 PM
Jeri 11 Jul 99 - 08:05 PM
Neil Lowe 12 Jul 99 - 08:42 AM
Art Thieme 12 Jul 99 - 09:56 AM
Res 12 Jul 99 - 10:43 AM
Martin _Ryan 12 Jul 99 - 11:04 AM
Bill D 12 Jul 99 - 10:01 PM
Lonesome EJ 12 Jul 99 - 10:13 PM
WyoWoman 12 Jul 99 - 11:02 PM
Dan'l (inactive) 13 Jul 99 - 07:25 AM
MAG (inactive) 13 Jul 99 - 12:35 PM
Allan C. 13 Jul 99 - 01:01 PM
MAG (inactive) 13 Jul 99 - 01:23 PM
A Celtic Harper 13 Jul 99 - 01:54 PM
Marion 13 Jul 99 - 03:23 PM
PJ 13 Jul 99 - 03:37 PM
PJ 13 Jul 99 - 03:47 PM
Ted from Australia 13 Jul 99 - 05:33 PM
Bill D 13 Jul 99 - 05:40 PM
Wally Macnow 13 Jul 99 - 10:48 PM
Bill D 13 Jul 99 - 10:56 PM
Gitarzan (inactive) 14 Jul 99 - 12:15 AM
WyoWoman 14 Jul 99 - 12:20 AM
Margo 14 Jul 99 - 11:38 AM
WyoWoman 15 Jul 99 - 07:09 PM
Bill D 16 Jul 99 - 12:20 PM
Dan'l (inactive) 16 Jul 99 - 01:51 PM
Dan'l (inactive) 16 Jul 99 - 02:28 PM
Dave Swan 16 Jul 99 - 11:23 PM
WyoWoman 16 Jul 99 - 11:46 PM
Rita64 17 Jul 99 - 09:40 AM
harpgirl 17 Jul 99 - 10:03 AM
lloyd61 17 Jul 99 - 10:10 AM
WyoWoman 17 Jul 99 - 12:21 PM
Bill D 17 Jul 99 - 05:41 PM
katlaughing 18 Jul 99 - 05:33 PM
WyoWoman 18 Jul 99 - 06:56 PM
katlaughing 18 Jul 99 - 07:52 PM
kendall 12 Aug 01 - 04:18 PM
Joe_F 12 Aug 01 - 06:25 PM
GUEST,mark 12 Aug 01 - 06:26 PM
kendall 12 Aug 01 - 06:40 PM
Little Hawk 12 Aug 01 - 07:16 PM
Ella who is Sooze 13 Aug 01 - 04:47 AM
kendall 13 Aug 01 - 08:34 AM
Little Hawk 13 Aug 01 - 12:27 PM
MAG 13 Aug 01 - 03:36 PM
Ella who is Sooze 14 Aug 01 - 07:28 AM
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Subject: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Max
Date: 05 May 99 - 07:24 PM

In the sinngles thread Peter T, says

Perhaps this discussion can be handled using game theory (is that the worst pick-up line ever, or what?).

Well seeing As I've got one, I'll start a new thread.
My wife's pickup line when she met me (I guess it was a good one really, 'cos it worked) was.

"You're a Mother F***ing liar!!"

I proved her wrong so she cussed me again and bought me a drink. The conversation, of course, improved after that

Bert.


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: McMusic
Date: 05 May 99 - 09:35 PM

Knew a guy who tried this one in a bar one night: "You look just like someone I used to date!" He went home alone that evening.


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: alison
Date: 05 May 99 - 10:09 PM

Hi,

whilst on holiday in Spain.....

Ola Buena, fancy a shag?

Slainte

alison


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 05 May 99 - 10:16 PM

The line someone in the best single line thread attributed to a country song actually started out as a pickup line: "If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me." But I think I topped that many years ago in a body exchange bar between Visalia and Tulare county: When I came into the bar I saw a woman about 6'2" tall, probably weighing a very well distributed 180 pounds--I blush to remember this, but I went up to her and said, "You are a hell of a lot of a woman, and I'd like to get my body next to yours. Wanna dance?" She of course said no. Top that if you can. --seed


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: campfire
Date: 05 May 99 - 11:13 PM

I was in a bar once, and this very drunk fella came up and introduced himself. I was very uninterested and tried to politely tell him so. He said:

"I'm not just some a**hole trying to pick you up"

Fortunately, the bartender was a very good friend of mine and asked:

"Well, then, what kind of a**hole ARE you?


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: John Hindsill
Date: 05 May 99 - 11:14 PM

An orthopedic doctor met a woman of questionable virtue (as they used to say) in a local bar. She, unfortunately, was quite arthritic so he took a medical interest in her. As he examined her he found one non-arthritic area and mused, "What's a good joint like you doing in a girl like this?"


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: northfolk/al cholger
Date: 05 May 99 - 11:20 PM

I was in a local watering hole, which was full of women's softball teams. I was quietly bending my elbow with an old pal, standing at the end of the bar, when I felt someone stroking my forearm. I turned to see what or who, when, need I say feeling pretty good about myself, when the woman said, "Hi! Wanna arm wrestle?" I finished my beer and went home....


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Tucker
Date: 05 May 99 - 11:23 PM

john, welcome, but that sucked


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: John Hindsill
Date: 05 May 99 - 11:25 PM

Well Tucker it was funny when I was fifteen. It lost someting over the century perhaps.


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Sandy Paton
Date: 06 May 99 - 12:45 AM

"Come on over to my place, honey, and I'll give you the words to that song." This, in 1957, after a concert I did at a student center in Berkeley, when Caroline came up to me backstage and asked about the words to one of the songs I had sung. Might appear to be a pretty lame hustle, but we've now been married for forty-two years.

I always said doing folk music was a nice way to meet girls!

Sandy


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: SeanM
Date: 06 May 99 - 01:56 AM

Friend of mine (Honest! He really is!) used to actually occasionally succeed by approaching very drunk women, looking them deeply and sincerely in the eye, and asking:

'Fornicate?'

He claims it worked a good third of the time. Apparently most of them were so drunk that they didn't exactly understand the question...

Doesn't hurt that he was in good shape and looks...

M


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 06 May 99 - 03:38 AM

Alison, the follow up to that line (you said "No", of course), is "Well, would you mind lying down while I have one?".

Which reminds me of definition of Australian foreplay: an elbow in the ribs and the words "You awake, Sheila?".

Steve


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: KingBrilliant
Date: 06 May 99 - 05:22 AM

At a party...

"Hi, let's play mind-games"

Let's not!

Kris (Actually as I remember, I very wittily said 'F*** off'. I'd like to hope my ripostes have improved a little since then - its nearly as embarrassing as the pickup line!)


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 06 May 99 - 06:39 AM

"You must have heard every corny line in the book - I guess one more won't make much difference?"


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Bob Schwarer
Date: 06 May 99 - 08:49 AM

Non-pick-up line:

"What's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?" Bob S


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 06 May 99 - 09:05 AM

Jazz guitarist Larry Coryell to a female admirer. "Can we go somewhere after the show and meditate?"
True story. I heard it, and there were other witnesses as well.


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: alison
Date: 06 May 99 - 10:04 AM

Hi Steve,

Of course I said no.. that line worked almost as well as "Mine's this long... and I can go all night...."

slainte

alison


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Peter T.
Date: 06 May 99 - 10:24 AM

This is very embarrassing, but what the h. Whenever I hear someone say (as a joke), "Would you like to come up and see my etchings?" I am reminded (or if I am not reminded, my mother who overheard the conversation will remind me) of the time when I was 9 years old and in love with Jana Wegner (who would have nothing to do with me, and is now serving time in L.A. for Tax Fraud with Darlene Gillespie of the Mouseketeers. No, no, that is just sour grapes). Anyway, I sidled up to her as we were waiting for the school bus, and said, "How would you like to come and play with my Etch-a-Sketch after school?". I had this fantasy about my turning the left knob, and her turning the right knob, and we would paint beautiful music together, if you get my drift, or you know anything about this archaic toy.
She went off with Jim Morrison instead (No, she didn't.)
I got a Spiragraph later, but never tried it out as a good line (though it made great lines).
Yours, Peter T.


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Allan C.
Date: 06 May 99 - 10:40 AM

Sandy is quite right about "folk music was a nice way to meet girls". Years ago my friend, Dave, would pick up women at a local bar by telling them that he had a housemate who could play some really good folk music. It always worked beautifully -- for Dave, that is.


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Peter Fisher
Date: 06 May 99 - 11:09 AM

"So, have you filed your income taxes yet?"


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Margo
Date: 06 May 99 - 11:34 AM

Take heart, John. You got a chuckle out of me. I have a strange sort of sense of humor. I like kid jokes and good puns.

The worst line tried on me: You look like a model. Will you meet with me so I can sketch you?

Hmmmm...is that what they call it these days, sketching?

Margarita


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: danl
Date: 06 May 99 - 12:15 PM

true story - a friend of mine constantly succeeds with "i've got a cute c**t, would you like to come and see it?" or variations thereof. i can't imagine how.


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Allan C.
Date: 06 May 99 - 01:16 PM

Punch line from an old joke: Spoken by an old codger in a nursing home, "I don't care if you have acute angina! The rest of you is UGLY!"


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: annamill
Date: 06 May 99 - 02:01 PM

I once had the accountant husband of a friend of mine ask me if I wanted to be his 3rd dependent while I was sitting on his knee.

Anna


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: bill\sables
Date: 06 May 99 - 02:12 PM

A friend of mine who was a Goerdie ( inhabitant of Newcastle on Tyne England) was overheard asking a girl " Do you have any Geordie in you" When she replied "NO" he said "Would you lile some" Cheers Bill


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Mo
Date: 06 May 99 - 02:32 PM

What about "How about it doll - you and me in the car park?" (spoken in thick Glaswegian accent). I don't think so....

Mo


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Barry Finn
Date: 06 May 99 - 08:53 PM

Hate to say it but someone used that "If I told you, you had a beatuiful body, would you hold it against me" line & it worked. Can you believe it, I fell for it, of course any of the above lines would've worked for me. Not that I was gulliable just easy, of course a pass hasn't come my way for quite a long time now. Barry


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Sheye
Date: 06 May 99 - 09:59 PM

Hey Ivy, I'm bettin' if your friend would've said she had an ugly one, those fellas still would've lined up for a gander, being the goose and all...

One that I've seen succeed after 1:00 am: "Yo, Rover! Heel!"

I was approached on Venice Beach last summer by a man who said he was a professional photographer specializing in athletic women and he wanted to know if I would come to his apartment so he could "do my legs". Too funny.

Sheye


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: northfolk/al cholger
Date: 06 May 99 - 11:19 PM

All this typing about c**ts and anginas, I've let down my sensitive new age guy guard...for just a moment. worst line I ever...heard. (honest I never used it.)

Are you sitting in a puddle, or just happy to see me?


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 06 May 99 - 11:26 PM

How about a nasty second line, after the first fell flat: FIFTY DOLLARS! Are you crazy?

--seed


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Sean MacRuaraidh (inactive)
Date: 07 May 99 - 07:40 AM

When there are two girls you can say, 'could you tell your ugly friend to go away.'

Famous British disco line is :- 'go and get your coat pet, you've been pulled'

Come over here dear, sit on my knee and we'll talk about the first thing that comes up.

Famous Glasgow night-club dialogue is :-

Boy -Are you dancin' ? Girl - Are you askin' ? Boy - I'm askin' Girl - Then I'm dancin'

Do you have a light, is generally a good one for smokers as it initiates interaction.

Last time I scored I was standing at a bar and I simply made a comment - 'thats a girlie drink' or something like that and smiled in a friendly way. I was deliberately being sexist - it is an easy way into a conversation and if she over-reacts to that kind of comment then she has no sense of humour and is probably not worth spending time with.

Seems to me its not what you say, its the way that you say it combined with whether the person you are saying it to is actually interested in socialising.


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Roger the zimmer
Date: 07 May 99 - 08:02 AM

The Birmingham version of Sean's Glasgow one is: "Yo' dancin'?" "Yo' askin'?" "Yeah" "Piss off"

At least at my age I don't have to bother with such humiliations any more!


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 07 May 99 - 10:17 AM

A number of years ago I got a note while on stage. I opened it expecting to see a request (probably for "Fields of Athenrae", or "Cat's in the Cradle") and to my shock it said "excuse me for being forward but I think you're very attractive. Could I take you out to dinner?" with a name and the location where she was sitting. I was dumbstruck. Now, you have to understand that a lot of performers have seriously low self images and would be far too embarrassed to employ any of the lines used in this thread. The courting process in folk music often is related to the songs (see Sandy's post) followed by long discussions, many cups of coffee, chess(!??) and can often result in breakfast the next morning.
Over the rest of the set I quickly found my performer's extrovert side rapidly diminishing and the old shy introvert one taking over. Also, I was VERY pleased and looking forward to finding out who this was. At the end of the set, I went over to the corner of the room to meet this person and was confronted by my friends Bill and Norm, who I hadn't seen come in, laughing hysterically! "If you want, we can send you TWO notes next time" they burbled. I'd been seriously had.


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Jerry Friedman
Date: 07 May 99 - 05:39 PM

"Do you want to get a six-pack and go screw, or don't you drink?"

Sean, I associate your Glasgow dialogue with American Jews! But I've never figured whether the girl is saying yes (I'm willing to dance with you) or no (I'm dancing with somebody else).


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Alice
Date: 07 May 99 - 06:58 PM

I can't believe no one has mentioned "What's your sign?"
Here's the best answer to that:
Stop.


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Matthew B.
Date: 07 May 99 - 09:05 PM

This may be a bit apocryphal, but I heard of the following exchange:

After being rebeuffed by a woman he tried to hit on, a man sneered "so what are you, a lesbian?"

To which she replied: "So what are you, the alternative?"


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: alison
Date: 07 May 99 - 10:28 PM

Remember the scene in Topgun where tom Cruise sings "You've got that loving feeling" (very badly) to Kelly McGillis?....... well I've had that done to me in a Belfast disco...... not pleasant........ needless to say it didn't work.....

I prefer the other "clasic" from the same movie... "Hey Stud, take me to bed or lose me forever." **grin**

slainte

alison


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Big Mick
Date: 07 May 99 - 10:38 PM

OK, if you insist, Fair One.........are you ready?.............."Hey Stud, take me to your bed, or lose me". How's that?..............Did it work??..........Helloooooooooooo........Is this Microphone working??...........Alison??????...........Darn, back to the drawing board.

Mick, LMAO


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: alison
Date: 07 May 99 - 11:17 PM

LOL

how can I possibly resist... hahahahahahahahahaha

slainte

alison


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Joe Offer
Date: 08 May 99 - 12:10 AM

Gee, I kinda like the arm-wrestle line. If the right woman used it, I'd follow here anywhere.
-Joe Offer-


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Joe Offer
Date: 08 May 99 - 12:12 AM

Where's my cookie when I need it? I'd follow her anywhere.
I make typos when I get excited...
-Joe Offer-


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: LEJ
Date: 08 May 99 - 04:57 PM

Mick - I think you're making some headway!


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 08 May 99 - 06:03 PM

Aw, the "Ya wanna arm wrestle?" line isn't so bad if it's followed up with "Ya wanna tongue wrestle?" --seed


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Sam Hudson
Date: 09 May 99 - 10:45 AM

My favourite... which is a sad commentary on my sense of humour, but I share it nonetheless...

"This face leaves in five minutes. Be on it!"

(Sorry...)


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Sandy
Date: 10 May 99 - 06:44 AM

A woman on her own in a hotel bar one evening turned to me and said, "I'm lonely". I said, "What would you like to drink?" (of course). She said, "A double brandy please". I said, "No wonder you're f***ing lonely".

Silence.

So I said, "Would you like to come up to my room and listen to some music?" She said, "What if I don't like your taste in music?" I said, "You can put your clothes on and go home".

Was I successful?

Cast your votes now.

Sandy


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Allan C.
Date: 10 May 99 - 07:36 AM

The story goes about a guy at the bar who has always got a flock of women around him. A stranger to the bar asks the bartender what kind of line the main attraction uses. The bartender answers, "None. He just sits there licking his eyebrows..."

Pickup lines? I had a woman ask me last week if there were still any meaningless relationships to be had. I told her that yes there were - that is what some folks call their marriages. And then I walked away.


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: WyoWoman
Date: 10 May 99 - 10:41 AM

Ok, ok. I'm new here, but I have one I can't resist sharing.

When I lived in New Mexico, I ran into this guy in Santa Fe who billed himself as a psychic. He was a gen-yoo-ine New Age cutie, with a tumble of curls down around his shoulders and a shirt opened to his navel, with the appropriate Atlantis-looking pendant all nestled in that sweet fur on his chest. This was his pickup line:

"I'm a psychic and I know a thing or two about you. You're stuck in this life, and you'll always be stuck because you and I have past-life business together. Unless we finally consummate our relationship, you're doomed to keep repeating the same old mistakes you've always made."

It didn't work on me, but he swore it actually did work -- a LOT.

Which reminds me of a joke: Q: Why did the psychic cross the road?

A: He was channeling a chicken...

kc


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 10 May 99 - 11:51 AM

Sandy, you're gettin' into dangerous territory here. I hope this was a LONG time ago. Of course you were successful though. (that James Dean look) Would you have sung her a Dylan song if she'd asked?


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: MAG (inactive)
Date: 12 May 99 - 06:53 PM

Question: Do you already know the person or don't you? If you know him/her, do you want to connect? If you want to connect, will surprise and shock leave you speechless until the other party withdraws nervously, feeling rebuffed?

-- MA


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: WyoWoman
Date: 12 May 99 - 11:51 PM

Don't you think the truth is, if someone wants to be charmed, even stupid lines will work. And if one doesn't -- all the King's horses and all the King's men ....

But I must say that among the qualities I most treasure is not so much being charming, but having the capacity to allow oneself to be charmed. Says something important about the person's ability to surrender -- without which love is an utter impossibility.

kc


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Art Thieme
Date: 13 May 99 - 01:05 AM

When I first met Carol (1966)I was working at the Folklore Center in Chicago's Old Town. I told her my name was ART GUTHRIE--thinkin' that'd impress her. She had never heard of Woody!!! I went on to be her teacher in things folk etc.

Art


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Art Thieme
Date: 13 May 99 - 01:19 AM

What's your sign?

I'm a feces.


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: gargoyle
Date: 14 May 99 - 12:19 AM

What's your sign? NEON

From a Dr. DeMento program circa 1973


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: WyoWoman
Date: 14 May 99 - 12:21 AM

Ok. That's the worst. Worse even than, "Hi, I'm an Aries with herpes rising..." which I actually heard once. We Libras take deep offense at such, don'cha' know...


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 14 May 99 - 03:28 AM

I've always been painfully shy (except in front of an audience - no help at all in chatting up birds). I've always relied on standing around looking lost, bewildered, shy, etc. and waiting for an older woman to take pity and come over and mother me. It never works. Worse, at my age, the older women are ... well, older.

Wow! Sexist and agist in one go! How many people have I offended?

Steve


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From:
Date: 14 May 99 - 08:10 AM

The one that we used to use too not much effect was ,'Is your Cinderella coming out tonight ,pet ?' or 'How much d'ye charge to haunt a hoose ? and the Sid the sexist one 'You don't sweat much for a fat lass !'

A mate of mine ,who was 'a bit of a lad' used to ask 'D'ye hav' any fantasies ? you'd be amazed at the amount of lasses who would actually tell him what they were..the dirty buggers.

Reminiscing Ritchie


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Neil Lowe
Date: 14 May 99 - 10:28 AM

One I heard in jest: "I can name all three of the Hudson Brothers."


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: manylodges
Date: 15 May 99 - 12:06 AM

I was in a bar in Norfolk when I heard this one. "hey sweetheart, does your belly button go in or out". When she replied "in", he came back with" thats ashame, If it went out we could have played snaps." I don't remember if he got the girl, I was half way into a bottle of scotch trying desperatly not to smash my guitar while cranking out a mean verse of Stew Ball.


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: WyoWoman
Date: 16 May 99 - 03:17 PM

This wasn't precisely a pick-up line -- more like a Pickup line, as in Chevy Pickup -- but when I moved to Wyoming three years ago I saw this line in a singles ad: (I just happened to glance...)

"Looking for a ranch-raised woman. Hay bales no problem."

Which I took to mean that she should be able to lift hay bales without difficulty. Maybe it meant he'd have no problem with it if she brought her own hay bales ...

kc


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: danl
Date: 17 May 99 - 03:48 PM

that message from LEJ in the doorknockers thread reminded me (in a round about way) of i line id heard used with succsess this weekend which prompted a long discussion....

"nice shoes. want to f**k?"

i mean, how do you get away with that??


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: no name on this, please!
Date: 18 May 99 - 11:09 AM

Once, a good looking car-hop told me, "Baby, light my fire." I politely told her I didn't have any matches.


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Penny S.
Date: 18 May 99 - 12:40 PM

Reading this lot explains the time when I heard a man repeating to another woman what I thought to have been a conversation at the time, but subtly altered, because he had added some of my responses to the spiel. I got revenge, though.


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Easy Rider
Date: 18 May 99 - 01:42 PM

Once, at a 1969 Grateful Dead concert, at the Fillmore East, at the end of the show:

Pigpen pointed to a girl in the audience and gave her the "finger" (you know, the raised middle finger). She eagerly shook her head "Yes", he lifted her up to the stage and they went off together...

No foolin'; I saw it.


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 18 May 99 - 01:52 PM

In the early eighties I worked with a very plain looking, boring guy who for some reason thought himself a real Don Juan. Clad in a lime green leisure suit and cooly blowing smoke out of his mouth, he would ask an attractive women "What agency are you with?" which would usually draw a blank stare and a "come again?" to which he would reply "well you are a model, aren't you?" I don't know if it was the line or the presentation that bothered me more, but I still get the creeps thinking about it. I never once saw it work, but he kept trying.


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Bert
Date: 18 May 99 - 04:00 PM

Penny S,

Explain. You've got me curious.

Bert.


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Penny S
Date: 18 May 99 - 05:06 PM

Bert, I take it you mean the revenge. The pick up line wasn't much. He had a fancy middle name, which I had suggested sounded Arthurian, so added that to his introduction to the other woman. We were at a badminton club for school staff, friends and colleagues - he was from another school. Everyone went to the pub after, but I had taken to not doing so, so as to be able to walk home before the pubs closed. He, living near me, had offered a regular lift so I could do so. He started chatting up a student from Eltham in front of me - since he had been gazing at me as if I were Helen of Troy (very disconcerting) until then this was not pleasing. Hearing my own words in the pick-up lines was more so. I went to the pub. He offered the student a lift to the station, telling her it was not out of his way (twice round the one way system, it was), and then realised that there was a problem. He looked at me, as if I were a bloke who would conveniently leave him free to give her the lift. I looked at my watch meaningly. It was late, and he had offered to protect me from being a woman crossing the town alone. "Oh," he said. So I sat in the back seat of his Morris 1000 as he drove her to the station, feeling very smug. It seems very petty, looking back. I really knew that the situation would arise, so it was a little maliciously that I did go to the pub with the intention of putting a spanner in the works.

Penny


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Penny S.
Date: 18 May 99 - 07:11 PM

Did you really want to know that?

Penny


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Terry
Date: 18 May 99 - 07:29 PM

Apparently, Sandy isn't alone in thinking folk music is a great way to pick up girls.

I once answered a personal ad because the fellow listed folk music among his interests. Since it was our only stated mutual interest, I asked him about his favorite artists right away when we met for a drink. He hemmed and hawed, and couldn't come up with a single name. When pressed, he said he'd only mentioned folk music in his ad because he thought it would attract a "certain type of woman." I asked him what type that might be and he answered, "Fast."

He was right, too. I was out of there in seconds flat!


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: WyoWoman
Date: 18 May 99 - 08:35 PM

I'm gonna try "Remember my name, you'll be screaming it later," if the occasion ever arises again...

I may be so out of practice I wouldn't even *recognize* a pickup line if I heard it.

kc


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 19 May 99 - 01:51 AM

Penny,you little devil!

And IvyB...my doorknocker comment was based on my legitimate interest in English brass, and was in no way a pickup line. My pickup lines, last used in the early 80s, were more along the lines of "Hi! Did you know you bear a striking resemblance to my future ex-wife?" or something just as obfuscatory.

LEJ


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Penny S.
Date: 19 May 99 - 02:38 AM

Lonesome EJ, but imagine the hurt I was feeling at the time!


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Felipa
Date: 19 May 99 - 06:34 AM

this should be a thread about electric pick up leads, but I suppose we're all acoustic around here. I can't be fussed reading through all 71 messages above, but if anyone wants to start a "Best pickup lines ever (BS)" thread my contribution is "we could make beautiful music together" (if its meant sincerely!)


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Bert
Date: 19 May 99 - 08:40 AM

Penny S,

Good for you! That was a great story. It's nice when you can get back at someone like that.

Bert


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Roger the zimmer
Date: 19 May 99 - 08:49 AM

How about:

"I don't drive a pickup, I'm White Van Man"

No, I thought not!


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Felipa
Date: 19 May 99 - 11:38 AM

Robert the zimmer: that's like the one about the driver who used her feet on the steering wheel while she knitted a sweater with her hands. A policeman waved her down, calling "pull-over!". "No," the driver replied, "Cardigan!"


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Felipa
Date: 19 May 99 - 11:41 AM

Some of these pick up lines aren't half bad!


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Noel P
Date: 19 May 99 - 12:32 PM

I heard this in a Galway pub one night. "Are you taking precautions". I'm not sure if it worked but the girl thought it funny. Another quick story. A small guy goes up to a tall, good looking, girl at a dance. She is standing on a step which gives an extra 5 to 6 inches to her height and he askes her to dance. "Sure you wouldn't satisfy me" she said. "Maybe not" he said "but I sure as hell would satisfy myself"


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Bert
Date: 19 May 99 - 12:54 PM

Ah Felipa, the true Mudcat spirit is showing.


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Duane D.
Date: 11 Jul 99 - 02:38 PM

Hey little girl, wanna see my accordian???????


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: WyoWoman
Date: 11 Jul 99 - 03:43 PM

As long as you don't make remarks about my squeeze box...


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Ted from Australia
Date: 11 Jul 99 - 05:18 PM

Bloke sits next to girl in bar, says G'day, puts a finger in his drink and touches her shirt, then does the same to his shirt.
"Why don't we go back to my place and get out of these wet clothes?"

Did not work!

Regards Ted


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: WyoWoman
Date: 11 Jul 99 - 06:43 PM

Ted, Souns as though you have personal knowledge of this scenario???

WW


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Wally Macnow
Date: 11 Jul 99 - 07:01 PM

My friend Dave was an intrepid picker upper. Two incidents come to mind that happened at differenet FSGW Getaways.

He came on to a friend's weekend companion with "I just brushed my teeth and I'd like you to have the full benefit". Didn't work but what a line.

On another occasion, at 3 in the AM, he crawled into a woman's (one he knew) sleeping bag and started getting romantic. At which point, she kind of half awoke and said "Oh Christ David, do you really want to hump a half dead jew?" The romaticism stopped but the laughter nearly knocked the cabin down.

Wally


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Jeri
Date: 11 Jul 99 - 08:05 PM

Jeeeez, Wally! It's a good thing I wasn't trying to swallow anything when I read that, or I'd be wiping it off the monitor!


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Neil Lowe
Date: 12 Jul 99 - 08:42 AM

Q: "Did it hurt?"
A: "Did what hurt?"
Q: "When you fell from heaven?"


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Art Thieme
Date: 12 Jul 99 - 09:56 AM

"If you're a Martin Thinline (pickup), do ya wanna sit in my bridge groove?"

(Sorry, that's pretty much a bass comment; will get you into more treble than it's probably worth.)

Art


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Res
Date: 12 Jul 99 - 10:43 AM

Guys, don't ever use these!!!

You think this cold sore is something? Hell, it hasn't even gotten started yet.

Are you drunk or do you have a lazy eye?

Pardon me, do you mind if I stand over here so I can get away from where I just farted?

Res


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Martin _Ryan
Date: 12 Jul 99 - 11:04 AM

I always rather liked the line in "Lakes of Ponchatrain" which goes: "If it were'nt for the alligators - I'd sleep out in the woods!"

Regards


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Bill D
Date: 12 Jul 99 - 10:01 PM

yep,Wally! I KNEW that David..*grin*...we will miss him..."....built for comfort, not for speed..."

(I never believed in pickup lines..always thought they were the refuge of those who were more interested in quantity than quality....finally figured out how to express it.."I don't want to jump in bed with ANY woman unless we truly enjoyed each other's company OUT of bed")

but I did know a guy once who used to go into the student union and ask women.."hey, baby...how about it?"..and if she said "how about what?", he'd say.."never mind"...we asked him if that didn't get him a LOT of rejections. He said "sure, but I can ask 30-40 in an hour or less, and it usually doesn't take that long"....*shrug*

also, the reverse-- a girl trying out lines.... I was with a friend in that same student union one evening,(he was graduate teaching fellow...Logic & Philosophy)...up walks a girl who was in one of his classes.."Oh, Mr Wilson...you know how you were explaining about inductive & deuctive logic the other day? Well, me & my girlfriend have figured out ANOTHER kind!"..."Oh?" says my buddy, ever interested in new developments.."what is that?"..."well," she smiles, "we are working on seductive logic"....."Hmmm, that makes 4 kinds, then," says my friend with big-eyed seriousness, "because there IS another kind known as 'abductive' logic!..it works like this..."....and after a few minutes, the girl is making excuses to get AWAY from there!! I could barely contain my giggles till she was out of sight.


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 12 Jul 99 - 10:13 PM

Woman walks up to me and a friend in a bar, and says to my friend "Pardon me, are you a doctor?" My friend who looked like anything but a Doctor, says "No.Why?" She says "Because I have to have an operation right away." Bob says "An operation? What kind." She grins," Oh, a slip-a-dicktomy." Subtle.


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: WyoWoman
Date: 12 Jul 99 - 11:02 PM

Ok, ok. Stop me if I've already told you this:

Years ago, when I was an innocent little girl from an Oklahoma town of 5,000 people, I went away to college at the University of Oklahoma and met and was immediately smitten by an adorable Jewish guy from Queens. One thing led to another and FINALLY he asked me to a movie. We went to the movie, walked back to the dorm and were sitting on the hood of my car talking, when suddenly he looked over at me, fingers laced behind his head, elbows up and out in that sexy, "Hey baby" way and he says, "So, do you ball?"

I, who had absolutely never imagined the word "ball" used as a verb meaning "do it like weasels," thought it must be his silly Noo Yawk accent again and he must be talking about BOWLING. So I looked back at him earnestly and said, "Yes, but not very well..."

ww


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Dan'l (inactive)
Date: 13 Jul 99 - 07:25 AM

how about this one...

Excuse me, but I don't believe in love at first sight, would you mind if I went out and came in again?


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: MAG (inactive)
Date: 13 Jul 99 - 12:35 PM

When I first moved to Chicago, Hyde Park, the standard line at parties was for a guy to walk up andtwirl an Ike and Tina Turner album cover at you. It took me awhile to catch on. It worked badly.

-- MA


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Allan C.
Date: 13 Jul 99 - 01:01 PM

Dear MAG,

?


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: MAG (inactive)
Date: 13 Jul 99 - 01:23 PM

Dear Allan,

You have to be of a certain age, I guess. Thirty years ago, Ike and Tina were all bump and grind.

Isn't hindsight interesting, knowing now Tina was a battered wife the whole time ??

-- MA


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: A Celtic Harper
Date: 13 Jul 99 - 01:54 PM

So there I was at the college picnic, wearing a Micky Mouse T-shirt, MM being directly over the left side of my ........chest. This unkempt, furry lad approaches with what he must have believed to be a charming leer, saying, "Hi, ha-ha, I'm a Micky Mouse fan." I looked politely inquisitive. He, apparently feeling encouraged, continued, "Can I kiss Micky?"

Yep. Guaranteed him the number one spot on the fecal roster in my all-girl dorm.

Australian foreplay from the other side of the bed:

Sheila to Jack, "Eh! You up?"


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Marion
Date: 13 Jul 99 - 03:23 PM

I was swimming at a hotel beach in Egypt, just floating on my back out deep for a while when suddenly there was this guy beside me asking if I would teach him how to do that.

I don't remember what I said, basically just brushed him off.

Later on, back on the beach, this guy tried again to strike up a conversation and he told me that he was from Kuwait. (This was in 1993). I told him that I was from Canada, and he said, "Oh, we love Canada because of all your help in our war. I'd like to help you. Why don't you come to my room?"


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: PJ
Date: 13 Jul 99 - 03:37 PM


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: PJ
Date: 13 Jul 99 - 03:47 PM

Oops, I hit the wrong button and posted before I meant to. Sorry.

(By the way, that wasn't the pickup line, but it's probably one that's heard later in the evening...)

True story about the worst pickup line ever used on me...

A few years ago I booked entertainment for special events at a Museum. I made arrangements with a group to hear them perform at a local bar one night. After their first set I was very impressed and went back to meet one of the singers and offer them the gig.

I walked up to him and said "Nice set!" He answered "Yours too, babe!" They didn't get the job.

I think it's funnier now than I did at the time.


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Ted from Australia
Date: 13 Jul 99 - 05:33 PM

WW/KC
Yes, I heard a bloke try it on seriously at our local pub.
I'd love to be able to try out some of these lines but I am in love with my wife.
Regards, Ted.


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Bill D
Date: 13 Jul 99 - 05:40 PM

ok, I have to do this...here is a story about a pick-up line..*grin*..(ladies, have YOU ever met a guy like this?)

"....So...there was a young man, oh...maybe 19 yrs old...and he got a summer job in a riding stable.And one day, there comes in to the stable a beautiful young girl...about his age!.Well, he was smitten--his hormones went wild...he could barely look at her without drooling...(you've seen the phenomenon)......So he goes to an older guy who's been working there forever and asks old Sam, "Who is that girl?...Wow...would I like to take her in back of the barn..!"........And old Sam says, "Oh, that's the daughter of one of the richest ranchers in the state...she comes in here almost every weekend to ride."............."Oh, man", says the kid,"I'd give anything to have her as a girlfriend....just look at the way she fills those riding pants..and the shirt too....boy would I like to get my hands on......." "Hey...take it easy", says Sam, "You've got the wrong attitude...she's a nice girl...you need to get to know her...who knows what might happen."...."Oh, sure", says the kid,"a nobody like me? All I'm ever gonna do is look at her and lust...!"oh, now..you just need a way to get acquainted",says Sam,"You're a nice guy, right?...good looking?, smart?...you just don't move in the same social circles as her...so you need a gimmick!"........"Oh, yeah?", says the kid, "like what?" "Well," says old Sam, "you work in her riding stable, you just need some way to go riding with her...look, try this---take her favorite horse and paint its hooves green....then when she comes in and asks for her horse, I'll send you with it......and she'll say, "Oh--my horse's hooves are green!"....and you say,"why so they are...I wonder how that happened?"...and she'll worry about it ...and you can suggest that you ride along with her...just to be sure nothing goes wrong! Then you get another horse and ride with her. Then you can talk...first about horses...then about her family, maybe...and you can tell her about your job and how you are working your way thru college. A couple of rides like that and she'll see what a good guy you are..and soon she'll be inviting you over to her place to meet her folks...pretty soon you'll be over there a lot, and you could end up going steady....and one of these days, maybe in a few months, romance will be blooming, and you'll be snuggled up to that pretty girl somewhere, enjoying all those charming curves.." So, the kid does it...he paints her horses hooves green..and sure enough, next weekend she comes in and asks for her horse. So, Sam calls the kid and tells him,"Okay, here's your chance...just remember what I told you....when she worries about the green hooves, you offer to ride with her and strike up a conversation,,,and if you play your cards right, you'll be playing with HER in no time!" So, the kid leads the horse up, and the girl takes one look and says , "Oh, my goodness, my horse's hooves are GREEN!"......And the kid says, "They sure are!! Lets fuck!!


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Wally Macnow
Date: 13 Jul 99 - 10:48 PM

Bill D,

Sounds like Davey O to me.


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Bill D
Date: 13 Jul 99 - 10:56 PM

hadn't thought about it that way...but yep...*smile*..(only,Davey would not have bothered with the damn green paint!)


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Gitarzan (inactive)
Date: 14 Jul 99 - 12:15 AM

Me : "Tickle yer ass with a feather?" Her: "What?!" Me: "Particularly nice weather?" -Take it from there... It never worked but it's fun.


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: WyoWoman
Date: 14 Jul 99 - 12:20 AM

Maybe we need to start a new thread on "What pickup lines have worked for you?" (Please note, this is not me whining about my social life again...)

I mean, obviously SOMETHING worked, because so many 'catters are married, in relationships and/or have children.

;-}

WW


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Margo
Date: 14 Jul 99 - 11:38 AM

I had completely forgotton about this (gee, I wonder why). I was at A's house for the first time, and A's friend came over, someone I had never met. Not long after we had begun conversing, he completely caught me off guard by kissing me on the lips. He said, "There, now we got the first kiss out of the way". It didn't work. I was appalled, and it was our last kiss!

Margarita


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: WyoWoman
Date: 15 Jul 99 - 07:09 PM

The interesting thing about this is that a fair portion of the entries are dumb-head things men have said to women, trying to pick them up or just to get the ball rolling. And the truth is, SOMEone has to get things rolling, so if the spirit's good, the words are just something to pry the door open a wee bit.

BUT ... I occasionally see a nice someone and would like to let him know I'd like to continue the conversation -- and I usually don't even have the chutzpah to come up with some of the dumb-head things we've seen here. And if I did, given that I was raised in the time and culture in which nice girls just didn't make the first, second or third moves, no matter what I say comes out dumb and awkward. So I try to be very forgiving of awkwardness in these situations, as long as the intent is to get acquainted and not to insult. Can't blame a feller for trying.

WW


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Jul 99 - 12:20 PM

well, as a male who has watched totally inept and boorish guys create cynicism & doubt in the minds of SO many women...muddying and polluting the waters for everyone because they had nothing but hormones working, I CAN blame some fellers for trying...*big wry grin*

I know, a little good-natured joking, in the right circumstances, can 'break the ice' sometimes, but there are limits...or oughta be! Some women are better than others at sorting them out and dealing with them, but some women are truly put off by it all...I am well past the age where it is a serious issue in my personal life..*sigh*...but I still cringe at some of the stories above.

(what would I consider a 'reasonable' opening? What about 'hello' with a friendly smile, and followed if the smile is returned, by some remark on the world as they are both experiencing it at that moment?...weather...movie, music..etc..Just a thought.


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Dan'l (inactive)
Date: 16 Jul 99 - 01:51 PM

Oh my...Alison? That was you?


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Dan'l (inactive)
Date: 16 Jul 99 - 02:28 PM

Just kidding Alison....:-)


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Dave Swan
Date: 16 Jul 99 - 11:23 PM

First of all, this is NOT Dave Swan, it's PJ. (My identity has been hijacked by our computer somehow, and forces me to post under an assumed name tonight...)

ANYway, I just rang in to say you're a classy guy, Bill D. You get the point exactly, and I hope your friendly, straightforward approach has worked well for you.

Cheers,

PJ, masquerading as Dave Swan (whose pickup line worked on me!)


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: WyoWoman
Date: 16 Jul 99 - 11:46 PM

I'd still rather sing in front of 1000 people than do that whole investigative-hello stuff. (Not that I generally let that stop me, mind you, but inside,I'm a quivering mass of doubt and sheer embarrassment.) (And yes, in this as in most things, simple is almost always better, unless you're just amazingly creative and combine it with good-hearted respect.)


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Rita64
Date: 17 Jul 99 - 09:40 AM

WW, I can relate to those feelings. Wonder if I will ever feel confident enough to approach someone who appeals to me instead of waiting, waiting, waiting ...

At a folk festival by a lecherous (I thought) bodhran player at least 10 years older "You're gorgeous, want a beer?" I accepted the beer of course but declined his request for my phone number.

Also, I have had the "Are you a model?" one. Bleuch.


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: harpgirl
Date: 17 Jul 99 - 10:03 AM

...from my son--"your legs must be tired because you've been running through my mind all night"...harpgirl (actually I thought it was pretty good for sixteen)


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: lloyd61
Date: 17 Jul 99 - 10:10 AM

She said, You look just like Santa could I seat on you knee, she was three?

Another time I was told, "I would like you to be my Grandpa", but she was nine.

I thing I need to shave and loss weight. O'well I don't want to be picked anyway.


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: WyoWoman
Date: 17 Jul 99 - 12:21 PM

Harpgirl -- Your son sounds like he has a bit of the rounder in him. (This is good, in my view. We need some spunk to get by in this world.) My son, even as a baby, was such an incredible flirt. Thank god he seems to have taken after his (amazingly celibate) mother and has mono-directional affections. Flirts are cute, indiscriminate pickup artists are pathetic, especially as they begin to get long in the tooth!

WW


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Bill D
Date: 17 Jul 99 - 05:41 PM

Ah, PJ...I do appreciate those words...indeed, my technique..(or lack thereof..*grin*) has ensured that what relationships I have had with women were lasting and friendly...(sure, I missed a few 'opportunities' of sorts, but some of those non-events have turned into very nice friendships)...I know, some guys..(and girls!) have also enjoyed life in a different format and still been nice, decent people...I just do it my way...


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: katlaughing
Date: 18 Jul 99 - 05:33 PM

I detest innuednos and assumptions. When I was divorced the first time, at 21, I went out a lot, alone. (IT seemed a lot safer back then:-) Anyway, I found things worked a lot better if I was just really up front with the guys, sometimes blatantly so.

One time, in a forerunner of an upper crust yuppie type bar, a silver & turquoise salesman asked me to have a drink with him and go back to his room. He offered me jewelry! I told him I'd be happy to ahve the drink, but I didn't want his jewelry, wouldn't go to his room, and if he thought the drink was going to mellow me enough to have his way, he was sadly mistaken.

Usually when a guy asked if he could buy me a drink, my standard response, admittedly a crass way of putting it, was "Yes, but don't expect me to fuck you for it!" Surprisingly, most of them seemed relieved that it was brought out into the open; often we went on to have a really enjoyable evening together with them being respectful and non-pressuring.

I don't envy anyone looking these days. There was a cover article in the Utne Reader in 1987/88 called the "New Monogamy". It was about married couples who were staying together, even though they didn't want to, because of the fear of AIDS. I am thankful everyday that my kids made it safely through that landmine; I lost too many friends to it.

WWhowasKC: you get that motorcycle and I bet you won't have any lack of men approaching!**Big grin**

katlaughinguninhibittedly


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: WyoWoman
Date: 18 Jul 99 - 06:56 PM

Kat-- you may have nailed one of my reasons for NOT getting one. They might think I'm THAT kind of girl. (And, of course, I am, but only here inside my own head).

But I'm close...very, very close. It'll be the leathers that do it, though, don't you think? Instead of the bike?

WW

by the way, Kat -- excellent column this a.m. in our paper. (We'll email it to you out there who don't get the Star-Tribune.It was about various forms of disrespect for the flag.) The thing that galls me is seeing these bedsheet sized American flags flapping night and day over the autopark or in Walmart's parking lot or whatever, through rain and shine and wind and night and day and all kinds of ick. I mean, I was a GIRL SCOUT, for heaven's sake. We were trained that the first rule of flag etiquette is to bring it in out of the weather and to fold it up at sunset. And these merchants think it's just the BEST commercial drawing card. (Don't get me started. My soapbox will start creaking!)


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: katlaughing
Date: 18 Jul 99 - 07:52 PM

Thanks, WW. As usual, whenever I see something for the first time in print I totally dislike it and rewrite it in my head. Usually when I go back for a second look, I like ti better:-)

Definitely the leathers, but think of the poor cows!:-( Oh, and there are a LOT of really tattered flags here which should be burned in respect and repalced with new ones which come down at sunset & out of the weather, as you say. That's what we learned in school, fercrisakes. Course, out here in Big Wyoming, we might never get to hang it if we always minded the weather**BG**.

Katlaughing


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: kendall
Date: 12 Aug 01 - 04:18 PM

The direct approach always worked on me. One very attractive woman came to me after a performance and asked "My family own an island in Greece, and, I'd like to take you there." I figured she was a nut, so, didn't go. Another asked if I would like to go home with her, I told her I was married, and couldn't do that. She said "I dont want to buy you, just borrow you for the weekend." After the divorce, I took her up on it. Another simply said "Would you like to share my bed tonight"? I said, "Yes" we formed a long friendship.

The best come back I ever heard to an idiot who said to a woman, "I'd like to get into your pants." she replied, "What for? there's one asshole already in them."


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Joe_F
Date: 12 Aug 01 - 06:25 PM

Yes, the Glaswegian exchange has a traditional counterpart among U.S. Jews. The way it ran, oh, 55 years ago was:

You dencink?
You eskink?
I'm eskink if you're dencink.
I'm dencink, if you're eskink.
So I'm eskink!
So I'm dencink!


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: GUEST,mark
Date: 12 Aug 01 - 06:26 PM

Well, I'm new around here... but what the hell... can't resist this hilarious discussion.

My favorite pickup line back when I used to actually try to pick girls up (married now) was to just walk right up to a girl and say, "Will you marry me?" with a slight but sincere smile. When I was lucky, she would actually look at me and say, "No." At which point I would sigh and say, "OK, will you sleep with me?" And when I was lucky she might laugh and say, "No." At which point I would say, "OK... will you at least have a drink with me?"

Actually worked a few times. Led to some nice relationships. Sigh.

Mark


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: kendall
Date: 12 Aug 01 - 06:40 PM

Isn't it a bit sad that anyone thinks that a pickup line is even necessary?


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Aug 01 - 07:16 PM

I agree, Kendall. I think pickup lines are something that occur primarily in jokes, hardly ever in real life...although that depends on the crowd one associates with.

I had a friend who was brilliant at picking up women, but not because of his pickup lines. It was because he was funny, enthusiastic, good looking, and always seemed to be having a great time. They just couldn't resist trying to find out why he was enjoying life so much, I guess.

Plus, he REALLY LIKED WOMEN, and that always helps.

- LH


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Ella who is Sooze
Date: 13 Aug 01 - 04:47 AM

how about this one, which made me run for the hills!

Your gorgeous, how about a quick knee trembler up against the wall. I've a wife and six kids at home, with one on the way but how about it.

Well... I've never panicked as much as this before. Twas followed with swift, you are joking pal, on yer bike go away and shite... tee heee..

Well he was awful. It was at a fleadh Cheoill in Ballina.

YUK!

other milder ones have been, here's ten pence go and tell your ma you're not coming home tonight.

awwww bless...

Ella


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: kendall
Date: 13 Aug 01 - 08:34 AM

The body language will tell you much more than the answer to some idiotic question. Tongues lie, bodys dont.


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Aug 01 - 12:27 PM

My dog's body lies almost constantly, except when heading for the food bowl or the water dish...

- LH


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: MAG
Date: 13 Aug 01 - 03:36 PM

reading this thread thru all the way like I didn't before. (vacation!) Kat's earlier post reminded me of how when I was much younger I did a fair amount of long-distance driving and would stop in the truck stops for coffee late. (truck stops DO have the best food -- go where they are parked.)

On more than one occasion, what seemed like idle conversation over the booth back ended abruptly when the guy pulled out bills and waved them at me. Had completely blanked out on that. guess i was naive. But I like being civil to truck drivers, as more than once they have helped me out in a jam. (and no, I wouldn't get in a cab with one.)


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Ella who is Sooze
Date: 14 Aug 01 - 07:28 AM

ooooo YUK mag!

ergh


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Murray MacLeod
Date: 14 Aug 01 - 08:29 AM

Legendary Scottish compliment:
"You don't sweat much, for a fat lass, do you?".
On second thoughts, it's a Geordie line.

Murray


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: JedMarum
Date: 14 Aug 01 - 10:00 AM

I hate to even repeat this one, but the fact my friend used it, and that it worked is funny in and of itself!

My friend Charles told me he was 42 when he met and started "dating" Debbie who was 21. I asked how they met, and he said he had been at a party at a friend's house when this cute young woman in short shorts came by .... he said, "Darlin' - you've got the kind of legs I like; feet at one end and pussy at the other!"

I said, "wow ... and she responded to that comment, did she?"

"Been with me ever since!" he sniffed with emphasis!


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Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: JedMarum
Date: 14 Aug 01 - 10:11 AM

Charles also had a more elaborate, practiced line. He'd pick his targets carefully, and seemed to guess right more often then not, but he'd say, "Darlin', you are beautiful. Is someone spoilin' you? I hope someone's spoilin' you ... hey, have you ever been kidknapped, taken to Hawaii for two weeks, spoiled and shown things you only read about before in books? You don't even have to go home to pack, I'll buy you all new shit when we get there."

I watched him deliver this line in a single breath to two different girls, at different times while we were seated on an airplane and the line of other passenegers filed past us getting into the back. I'll bet they both were looking for him after we landed, but he'd poured down several glasses of scotch during the flight and he'd long forgotten them!


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