Worst pickup lines ever

Subject: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Max
Date: 05 May 99 - 07:24 PM

In the sinngles thread Peter T, says

Perhaps this discussion can be handled using game theory (is that the worst pick-up line ever, or what?).

Well seeing As I've got one, I'll start a new thread.
My wife's pickup line when she met me (I guess it was a good one really, 'cos it worked) was.

"You're a Mother F***ing liar!!"

I proved her wrong so she cussed me again and bought me a drink. The conversation, of course, improved after that

Bert.

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: McMusic
Date: 05 May 99 - 09:35 PM

Knew a guy who tried this one in a bar one night: "You look just like someone I used to date!" He went home alone that evening.

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: alison
Date: 05 May 99 - 10:09 PM

Hi,

whilst on holiday in Spain.....

Ola Buena, fancy a shag?

Slainte

alison

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 05 May 99 - 10:16 PM

The line someone in the best single line thread attributed to a country song actually started out as a pickup line: "If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me." But I think I topped that many years ago in a body exchange bar between Visalia and Tulare county: When I came into the bar I saw a woman about 6'2" tall, probably weighing a very well distributed 180 pounds--I blush to remember this, but I went up to her and said, "You are a hell of a lot of a woman, and I'd like to get my body next to yours. Wanna dance?" She of course said no. Top that if you can. --seed

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: campfire
Date: 05 May 99 - 11:13 PM

I was in a bar once, and this very drunk fella came up and introduced himself. I was very uninterested and tried to politely tell him so. He said:

"I'm not just some a**hole trying to pick you up"

Fortunately, the bartender was a very good friend of mine and asked:

"Well, then, what kind of a**hole ARE you?

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: John Hindsill
Date: 05 May 99 - 11:14 PM

An orthopedic doctor met a woman of questionable virtue (as they used to say) in a local bar. She, unfortunately, was quite arthritic so he took a medical interest in her. As he examined her he found one non-arthritic area and mused, "What's a good joint like you doing in a girl like this?"

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: northfolk/al cholger
Date: 05 May 99 - 11:20 PM

I was in a local watering hole, which was full of women's softball teams. I was quietly bending my elbow with an old pal, standing at the end of the bar, when I felt someone stroking my forearm. I turned to see what or who, when, need I say feeling pretty good about myself, when the woman said, "Hi! Wanna arm wrestle?" I finished my beer and went home....

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Tucker
Date: 05 May 99 - 11:23 PM

john, welcome, but that sucked

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: John Hindsill
Date: 05 May 99 - 11:25 PM

Well Tucker it was funny when I was fifteen. It lost someting over the century perhaps.

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Sandy Paton
Date: 06 May 99 - 12:45 AM

"Come on over to my place, honey, and I'll give you the words to that song." This, in 1957, after a concert I did at a student center in Berkeley, when Caroline came up to me backstage and asked about the words to one of the songs I had sung. Might appear to be a pretty lame hustle, but we've now been married for forty-two years.

I always said doing folk music was a nice way to meet girls!

Sandy

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: SeanM
Date: 06 May 99 - 01:56 AM

Friend of mine (Honest! He really is!) used to actually occasionally succeed by approaching very drunk women, looking them deeply and sincerely in the eye, and asking:

'Fornicate?'

He claims it worked a good third of the time. Apparently most of them were so drunk that they didn't exactly understand the question...

Doesn't hurt that he was in good shape and looks...

M

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 06 May 99 - 03:38 AM

Alison, the follow up to that line (you said "No", of course), is "Well, would you mind lying down while I have one?".

Which reminds me of definition of Australian foreplay: an elbow in the ribs and the words "You awake, Sheila?".

Steve

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: KingBrilliant
Date: 06 May 99 - 05:22 AM

At a party...

"Hi, let's play mind-games"

Let's not!

Kris (Actually as I remember, I very wittily said 'F*** off'. I'd like to hope my ripostes have improved a little since then - its nearly as embarrassing as the pickup line!)

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 06 May 99 - 06:39 AM

"You must have heard every corny line in the book - I guess one more won't make much difference?"

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Bob Schwarer
Date: 06 May 99 - 08:49 AM

Non-pick-up line:

"What's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?" Bob S

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 06 May 99 - 09:05 AM

Jazz guitarist Larry Coryell to a female admirer. "Can we go somewhere after the show and meditate?"
True story. I heard it, and there were other witnesses as well.

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: alison
Date: 06 May 99 - 10:04 AM

Hi Steve,

Of course I said no.. that line worked almost as well as "Mine's this long... and I can go all night...."

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Peter T.
Date: 06 May 99 - 10:24 AM

This is very embarrassing, but what the h. Whenever I hear someone say (as a joke), "Would you like to come up and see my etchings?" I am reminded (or if I am not reminded, my mother who overheard the conversation will remind me) of the time when I was 9 years old and in love with Jana Wegner (who would have nothing to do with me, and is now serving time in L.A. for Tax Fraud with Darlene Gillespie of the Mouseketeers. No, no, that is just sour grapes). Anyway, I sidled up to her as we were waiting for the school bus, and said, "How would you like to come and play with my Etch-a-Sketch after school?". I had this fantasy about my turning the left knob, and her turning the right knob, and we would paint beautiful music together, if you get my drift, or you know anything about this archaic toy.
She went off with Jim Morrison instead (No, she didn't.)
I got a Spiragraph later, but never tried it out as a good line (though it made great lines).
Yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Allan C.
Date: 06 May 99 - 10:40 AM

Sandy is quite right about "folk music was a nice way to meet girls". Years ago my friend, Dave, would pick up women at a local bar by telling them that he had a housemate who could play some really good folk music. It always worked beautifully -- for Dave, that is.

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Peter Fisher
Date: 06 May 99 - 11:09 AM

"So, have you filed your income taxes yet?"

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Margo
Date: 06 May 99 - 11:34 AM

Take heart, John. You got a chuckle out of me. I have a strange sort of sense of humor. I like kid jokes and good puns.

The worst line tried on me: You look like a model. Will you meet with me so I can sketch you?

Hmmmm...is that what they call it these days, sketching?

Margarita

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: danl
Date: 06 May 99 - 12:15 PM

true story - a friend of mine constantly succeeds with "i've got a cute c**t, would you like to come and see it?" or variations thereof. i can't imagine how.

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Allan C.
Date: 06 May 99 - 01:16 PM

Punch line from an old joke: Spoken by an old codger in a nursing home, "I don't care if you have acute angina! The rest of you is UGLY!"

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: annamill
Date: 06 May 99 - 02:01 PM

I once had the accountant husband of a friend of mine ask me if I wanted to be his 3rd dependent while I was sitting on his knee.

Anna

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: bill\sables
Date: 06 May 99 - 02:12 PM

A friend of mine who was a Goerdie ( inhabitant of Newcastle on Tyne England) was overheard asking a girl " Do you have any Geordie in you" When she replied "NO" he said "Would you lile some" Cheers Bill

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Mo
Date: 06 May 99 - 02:32 PM

What about "How about it doll - you and me in the car park?" (spoken in thick Glaswegian accent). I don't think so....

Mo

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Barry Finn
Date: 06 May 99 - 08:53 PM

Hate to say it but someone used that "If I told you, you had a beatuiful body, would you hold it against me" line & it worked. Can you believe it, I fell for it, of course any of the above lines would've worked for me. Not that I was gulliable just easy, of course a pass hasn't come my way for quite a long time now. Barry

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Sheye
Date: 06 May 99 - 09:59 PM

Hey Ivy, I'm bettin' if your friend would've said she had an ugly one, those fellas still would've lined up for a gander, being the goose and all...

One that I've seen succeed after 1:00 am: "Yo, Rover! Heel!"

I was approached on Venice Beach last summer by a man who said he was a professional photographer specializing in athletic women and he wanted to know if I would come to his apartment so he could "do my legs". Too funny.

Sheye

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: northfolk/al cholger
Date: 06 May 99 - 11:19 PM

All this typing about c**ts and anginas, I've let down my sensitive new age guy guard...for just a moment. worst line I ever...heard. (honest I never used it.)

Are you sitting in a puddle, or just happy to see me?

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 06 May 99 - 11:26 PM

How about a nasty second line, after the first fell flat: FIFTY DOLLARS! Are you crazy?

--seed

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Sean MacRuaraidh (inactive)
Date: 07 May 99 - 07:40 AM

When there are two girls you can say, 'could you tell your ugly friend to go away.'

Famous British disco line is :- 'go and get your coat pet, you've been pulled'

Come over here dear, sit on my knee and we'll talk about the first thing that comes up.

Famous Glasgow night-club dialogue is :-

Boy -Are you dancin' ? Girl - Are you askin' ? Boy - I'm askin' Girl - Then I'm dancin'

Do you have a light, is generally a good one for smokers as it initiates interaction.

Last time I scored I was standing at a bar and I simply made a comment - 'thats a girlie drink' or something like that and smiled in a friendly way. I was deliberately being sexist - it is an easy way into a conversation and if she over-reacts to that kind of comment then she has no sense of humour and is probably not worth spending time with.

Seems to me its not what you say, its the way that you say it combined with whether the person you are saying it to is actually interested in socialising.

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Roger the zimmer
Date: 07 May 99 - 08:02 AM

The Birmingham version of Sean's Glasgow one is: "Yo' dancin'?" "Yo' askin'?" "Yeah" "Piss off"

At least at my age I don't have to bother with such humiliations any more!

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 07 May 99 - 10:17 AM

A number of years ago I got a note while on stage. I opened it expecting to see a request (probably for "Fields of Athenrae", or "Cat's in the Cradle") and to my shock it said "excuse me for being forward but I think you're very attractive. Could I take you out to dinner?" with a name and the location where she was sitting. I was dumbstruck. Now, you have to understand that a lot of performers have seriously low self images and would be far too embarrassed to employ any of the lines used in this thread. The courting process in folk music often is related to the songs (see Sandy's post) followed by long discussions, many cups of coffee, chess(!??) and can often result in breakfast the next morning.
Over the rest of the set I quickly found my performer's extrovert side rapidly diminishing and the old shy introvert one taking over. Also, I was VERY pleased and looking forward to finding out who this was. At the end of the set, I went over to the corner of the room to meet this person and was confronted by my friends Bill and Norm, who I hadn't seen come in, laughing hysterically! "If you want, we can send you TWO notes next time" they burbled. I'd been seriously had.

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Jerry Friedman
Date: 07 May 99 - 05:39 PM

"Do you want to get a six-pack and go screw, or don't you drink?"

Sean, I associate your Glasgow dialogue with American Jews! But I've never figured whether the girl is saying yes (I'm willing to dance with you) or no (I'm dancing with somebody else).

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Alice
Date: 07 May 99 - 06:58 PM

I can't believe no one has mentioned "What's your sign?"
Here's the best answer to that:
Stop.

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Matthew B.
Date: 07 May 99 - 09:05 PM

This may be a bit apocryphal, but I heard of the following exchange:

After being rebeuffed by a woman he tried to hit on, a man sneered "so what are you, a lesbian?"

To which she replied: "So what are you, the alternative?"

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: alison
Date: 07 May 99 - 10:28 PM

Remember the scene in Topgun where tom Cruise sings "You've got that loving feeling" (very badly) to Kelly McGillis?....... well I've had that done to me in a Belfast disco...... not pleasant........ needless to say it didn't work.....

I prefer the other "clasic" from the same movie... "Hey Stud, take me to bed or lose me forever." **grin**

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Big Mick
Date: 07 May 99 - 10:38 PM

OK, if you insist, Fair One.........are you ready?.............."Hey Stud, take me to your bed, or lose me". How's that?..............Did it work??..........Helloooooooooooo........Is this Microphone working??...........Alison??????...........Darn, back to the drawing board.

Mick, LMAO

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: alison
Date: 07 May 99 - 11:17 PM

LOL

how can I possibly resist... hahahahahahahahahaha

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Joe Offer
Date: 08 May 99 - 12:10 AM

Gee, I kinda like the arm-wrestle line. If the right woman used it, I'd follow here anywhere.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Joe Offer
Date: 08 May 99 - 12:12 AM

Where's my cookie when I need it? I'd follow her anywhere.
I make typos when I get excited...
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: LEJ
Date: 08 May 99 - 04:57 PM

Mick - I think you're making some headway!

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 08 May 99 - 06:03 PM

Aw, the "Ya wanna arm wrestle?" line isn't so bad if it's followed up with "Ya wanna tongue wrestle?" --seed

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Sam Hudson
Date: 09 May 99 - 10:45 AM

My favourite... which is a sad commentary on my sense of humour, but I share it nonetheless...

"This face leaves in five minutes. Be on it!"

(Sorry...)

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Sandy
Date: 10 May 99 - 06:44 AM

A woman on her own in a hotel bar one evening turned to me and said, "I'm lonely". I said, "What would you like to drink?" (of course). She said, "A double brandy please". I said, "No wonder you're f***ing lonely".

Silence.

So I said, "Would you like to come up to my room and listen to some music?" She said, "What if I don't like your taste in music?" I said, "You can put your clothes on and go home".

Was I successful?

Cast your votes now.

Sandy

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Allan C.
Date: 10 May 99 - 07:36 AM

The story goes about a guy at the bar who has always got a flock of women around him. A stranger to the bar asks the bartender what kind of line the main attraction uses. The bartender answers, "None. He just sits there licking his eyebrows..."

Pickup lines? I had a woman ask me last week if there were still any meaningless relationships to be had. I told her that yes there were - that is what some folks call their marriages. And then I walked away.

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: WyoWoman
Date: 10 May 99 - 10:41 AM

Ok, ok. I'm new here, but I have one I can't resist sharing.

When I lived in New Mexico, I ran into this guy in Santa Fe who billed himself as a psychic. He was a gen-yoo-ine New Age cutie, with a tumble of curls down around his shoulders and a shirt opened to his navel, with the appropriate Atlantis-looking pendant all nestled in that sweet fur on his chest. This was his pickup line:

"I'm a psychic and I know a thing or two about you. You're stuck in this life, and you'll always be stuck because you and I have past-life business together. Unless we finally consummate our relationship, you're doomed to keep repeating the same old mistakes you've always made."

It didn't work on me, but he swore it actually did work -- a LOT.

Which reminds me of a joke: Q: Why did the psychic cross the road?

A: He was channeling a chicken...

kc

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 10 May 99 - 11:51 AM

Sandy, you're gettin' into dangerous territory here. I hope this was a LONG time ago. Of course you were successful though. (that James Dean look) Would you have sung her a Dylan song if she'd asked?

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: MAG (inactive)
Date: 12 May 99 - 06:53 PM

Question: Do you already know the person or don't you? If you know him/her, do you want to connect? If you want to connect, will surprise and shock leave you speechless until the other party withdraws nervously, feeling rebuffed?

-- MA

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: WyoWoman
Date: 12 May 99 - 11:51 PM

Don't you think the truth is, if someone wants to be charmed, even stupid lines will work. And if one doesn't -- all the King's horses and all the King's men ....

But I must say that among the qualities I most treasure is not so much being charming, but having the capacity to allow oneself to be charmed. Says something important about the person's ability to surrender -- without which love is an utter impossibility.

kc