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BS: Crackpot recipes
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Subject: BS: Crackpot recipes From: Bert Date: 10 Jan 08 - 03:09 PM OK! OK! someone had to do it. Here's one for roast camel |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: Emma B Date: 10 Jan 08 - 03:20 PM Take one camel and one lamb....... Well I can see why there's a header advert for Weightwatchers on the page I linked to :) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: Dave'sWife Date: 10 Jan 08 - 03:43 PM Ya have to take a look at some of these: Grasshopper Recipes with Real Insects For the real belly laugh - look at the list of referenced cookbooks at the bottom of the page! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: RangerSteve Date: 10 Jan 08 - 03:56 PM That title implies that there are Grasshopper recipes with fake insects. I'm not trying either. There's a book called "Unmentionable Cuisine". It starts out with things we're familiar with; beef, pork, chicken, etc., explaining why some cultures find them offensive, then gives unusual recipes for them - how to roast a whole ox, various organ meat recipes, then the book delves into dog, cat, with authentic recipes from countries where they are considered food; on to reptiles, odd kinds of sea food, including whelks and barnacles, then ends up with the category I call "Things that should be thrown away"; squid, octopus, insects. It's one of the few cookbooks I've ever seen that made interesting reading even if you didn't try the recipes. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: bobad Date: 10 Jan 08 - 03:58 PM FANTASTIC POT PASTA 2 cup shell pasta 1 1/2 cup cannabis milk (1/4 oz. bud or 1/2 oz. leaf) half of a green (or red or yellow) pepper half of a onion a glove of garlic 2 tablespoons margarine (cannabis margarine!) 4 tablespoon flour 1/2 teaspoon wet mustard fresh dill spice 3 tablespoon nutritional yeast soy sauce Boil pasta until complete. Set aside. In a saucepan, saute veggies until onion is transparent. Set aside with pasta. Melt margarine completely. Add flour to produce a thick paste. Add more flour if needed. Blend in cannabis milk. Wisk until all is blended. Add heat to make the saute thick. When desired consistency is achieved (be careful, sauce burns easily), add pasta and veggies. Heat all together and serve. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: catspaw49 Date: 10 Jan 08 - 04:45 PM BERT'S BAG ** Slice off Bert's bag for starting copycat thread ** Remove Bert's testicles from his now detached nutsack ** Dice the testicles and mix with okra, beets, sauerkraut, and ramps. ** Remove Bert's tiny dick and mince. ** Combine the minced willie with moldy pumpernickel and spoiled goat's milk ** Stuff the combined testicular mix into the lightly salted scrotum ** Place in the bottom of a slow cooker/crockpot ** Surrong the stuffed bag with the minced dick dressing ** Cook on low for 24 hours ** Scrape the entire mess out of the pot and let cool ** Spray with a clear lacquer ** Return the whole thing to Bert and suggest he can also kiss your ass Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: Becca72 Date: 10 Jan 08 - 04:49 PM How the F do you boil an entire camel??? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: PoppaGator Date: 10 Jan 08 - 04:50 PM bobad: First, we need the recipe for cannabis milk... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: Emma B Date: 10 Jan 08 - 04:52 PM Bobad, does the dinner invite still stand? :) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: Rapparee Date: 10 Jan 08 - 06:48 PM Geez...you get cannabis milk by milking cannabis! Find a lactating female cannabis and milk it like you would a goat. (I gotta EVERYTHING around here....) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: bobad Date: 10 Jan 08 - 06:57 PM Cannabis milk Put milk and cannabis into a double boiler Cook on medium heat for half an hour, stirring often Strain cannabis from milk and discard Store milk in an air tight container in the fridge. Cannabis milk is perfect to use in other recipes like Pancakes or Pot pasta. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: Bat Goddess Date: 10 Jan 08 - 07:26 PM I used to have a recipe for peacock served in its plumage. I think I found it in a Harvard University alumni publication (plucked from the wastebasket at the Kennebunkport post office), but it got lost in some move since the late '70s. Never had the right occasion to serve it... Is powdered cannabis milk available? Canned condensed cannabis milk? Linn |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: frogprince Date: 10 Jan 08 - 07:39 PM YORKSHIRE PUDDING 3 gallons milk 48 pk Jello instant vanilla pudding 1 medium yorkshire terrier Blend ingredients on high until lumps are gone. Preheat oven (or exhaust manifold) to 451 F. Pour pudding into little bread-tin type things. Cook until mix doesn't stick to a toothpick. Collected by Bert Christensen Toronto, Ontario http://bertc.com |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: Stilly River Sage Date: 10 Jan 08 - 07:47 PM Damn. Good thing I'd just put the glass of Coke down, or I'd have spilled it all over my keyboard. And I nearly missed the monitor. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: RangerSteve Date: 10 Jan 08 - 07:59 PM If you don't have a yorkie, will any of those annoying yappy little dogs from the dustmop family do? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: TheSnail Date: 10 Jan 08 - 08:38 PM BERT'S BAG recipe needs to be labelled "May contain traces of nuts." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: Rapparee Date: 10 Jan 08 - 09:26 PM Gelyne in dubbatte: Take an Henne, and rost hure almoste y-now, an choppe hyre in fayre pecys, an caste her on a potte; an caste þer-to Freysshe broþe, & half Wyne, Clowes, Maces, Pepir, Canelle, an stepe it with þe Same broþe, fayre brede & Vynegre: an whan it is y-now, serue it forth. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: Peace Date: 10 Jan 08 - 09:28 PM "How the F do you boil an entire camel??? " I humbly suggest you boil a whole camel at 212 degrees F. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: Rapparee Date: 10 Jan 08 - 09:41 PM Rabbit turd tea was popular among dyspeptic cowboys. Presumably cowboys would heat up a cup of whatever liquid they had and stir in a few rabbit pellets. Perhaps the intention was simply to make cowboys think twice the next time they entered a Wild West saloon: Is tonight's drink of whiskey really worth tomorrow's drink of feces? Swallow's beaks, were used in ancient Assyria. Assyrians ground the beaks into myrrh, the dried sap from Commiphora myrrha trees, and washed it down quickly. They also used myrrh as a main ingredient in wine, as well as in embalming fluids. Horse brains were an ancient Chinese cure. Just a small amount for breakfast following a night of too much drinking helped to calm their nerves. Chinese horses must have been quite nervous when their owner rode them to the local bar. After all,if the owner got drunk enough, it would be the horse who would suffer a murderous headache the next day. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: Dave'sWife Date: 11 Jan 08 - 09:28 AM RangerSteve - there are a whole host of recipes with the word Grasshopper in them that do not include real or fake Grasshoppers - Such as Grasshopper Pie. I think that is the reason behind that title on the page I linked to |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: Becca72 Date: 11 Jan 08 - 10:17 AM Yes, Peace, dahlin....but in what?? I know, I know...water, right? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: Peace Date: 11 Jan 08 - 10:21 AM Yeah. Actually, one can accomplish two things simultaneously if it is done in a lake. YES, a lake. Build a tunnel under the body of water, fill it with garbage, light it on fire. Ipso facto quite exacto, you get rid of the garbage, boil the lake thus killing off harmful bacteria AND allowing you to cook the camel. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: Becca72 Date: 11 Jan 08 - 10:26 AM I think I'll just stick with chicken... :-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: Peace Date: 11 Jan 08 - 10:30 AM You want to boil a camel in a chicken? It is easier to get a camel through the eye of a needle than . . . . |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: Becca72 Date: 11 Jan 08 - 11:17 AM I'd walk a mile for a....nevermind. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: Rapparee Date: 11 Jan 08 - 12:40 PM Let's see: I've eaten whale, rattlesnake, heart, liver, lights, grasshoppers, beetles, ants, bees, goat, carp, deer, elk, bison, rabbit, emu, squirrel, duck and other stuff, but none I'd call "crackpost." Haven't had a chance to try camel...yet. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: Newport Boy Date: 11 Jan 08 - 01:07 PM Not sure it's crackpot, but in Zambia we ate what were described as deep-fried crispy caterpillars - very high in protein, apparently. More mainstream - a cautionary tale. A friend organised a deer roast for a local folk day. The deer came from the local deer park, and was supplied with the scaffold tube already inserted - for rotation over the fire. It also came with strict instructions that the fire was to be kept hot, and the deer was to be cooked for a minimum of 8 hours. Mike was there at 7am to light the fire, and stayed at his post through the morning, lovingly feeding the fire and rotating the spit, looking forward to some beautiful venison. His pleasant anticipation ended just after midday, when the maggots emerged at both ends of the deer and dropped into the fire. Apparently, it's the most reliable sign that the meat is beginning to cook in the centre! Although he heroically finished the roasting and carved and served the meat, he was unable to bring himself to sample the taste! Phil |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: Bert Date: 11 Jan 08 - 01:15 PM LOL Spaw!!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: gnu Date: 11 Jan 08 - 01:28 PM During La Francophonie in Moncton, NB, Canada, a few(?) years back, at one of the more posh hotels, Canada Customs officers were called in when some guests complained that one of the delegations had "imported" exotic animals. The CC's, and the RCMP, couldn't do anything due to diplomatic immunity, even though the delegation had somehow managed to bring into the hotel a number of various antelopes, snakes, and others, including a zebra. However, the Fire Chief did insist that the delegation turn over the animals to the hotel staff for safety reasons... how they managed to circumvent the fire detection and supression systems and throw a big BBQ party was never reported in the local papers. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: Peace Date: 11 Jan 08 - 05:59 PM Sally the Camel Sally the camel has five humps. Sally the camel has five humps. Sally the camel has five humps. So ride, Sally, ride. Boom, boom, boom, boom! Sally the camel has four humps. Sally the camel has four humps. Sally the camel has four humps. So ride, Sally, ride. Boom, boom, boom, boom! Sally the camel has three humps. Sally the camel has three humps. Sally the camel has three humps. So ride, Sally, ride. Boom, boom, boom, boom! Sally the camel has two humps. Sally the camel has two humps. Sally the camel has two humps. So ride, Sally, ride. Boom, boom, boom, boom! Sally the camel has one hump. Sally the camel has one hump. Sally the camel has one hump. So ride, Sally, ride. Boom, boom, boom, boom! Sally the camel has no humps. Sally the camel has no humps. Sally the camel has no humps. Cause Sally is a horse, of course. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: Bill D Date: 11 Jan 08 - 07:43 PM I saw a recipe for "Pinto Bean Cake" years ago...(from one of those little local, Southern church booklets...folks who "made do"). I can't reproduce the cake recipe exactly, but here is the icing: take one can of Campbell's Bean Soup ...add one cup of powdered sugar...stir...spread on cake. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: Stilly River Sage Date: 12 Jan 08 - 04:35 PM Amos posted a recipe in the Crockpot thread that I believe he may have been intending for this thread. But who knows, maybe not. He's such a crackpot. . . |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: Amos Date: 12 Jan 08 - 04:59 PM My apologies -- I didn't realize the painfully obvious pun had already been claimed so dexterously. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: Amos Date: 12 Jan 08 - 05:01 PM Historically the best crack-pot recipe is along these lines: Take one small brain and marinate in a rich sauce of money and undeserved privelege. Carefully trim all merit. Add two spoonfuls of egocentric unfounded beliefs, carefully ground up. Blend with a tablespoon of arrogance. Be sure to provide frequent bail-outs during roasting. Place in a large white house and serve. Has been known to make folks sick. But is definitely world-class crackpot. A (Reposted to correct thread) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: Art Thieme Date: 12 Jan 08 - 08:47 PM The correct diagnosis terminology for someone considered a "crackpot" is "Psycho Ceramic". Also: For elephant stew: Take 2 medium elephants, debone and cut into bite-sized cubes, cover with brown gravy, add veggies. Boil on high for one week!-------- This will feed 500 people comfortably. If, per chance, you don't have enough, add about 100 or so rabbits to the stew. Ask your guests if that's O.K. first because some people don't like hair in their stew. Art Thieme |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: Peace Date: 12 Jan 08 - 08:49 PM DRUM ROLL: Then shave the elephant first. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: Rapparee Date: 12 Jan 08 - 10:07 PM Q: How do you know if you've passed an elephant? A: Look in the bowl. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: Stilly River Sage Date: 13 Jan 08 - 12:33 PM hare, bruce. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: Charley Noble Date: 13 Jan 08 - 01:40 PM Of course I'm reminded of one of mother's famous recipes that was published in THE SENSUOUS CARROT, edited by Clarissa Watson back in 1972, p. 143. The recipes were solicited from well known artists and there were some iinteresting contributions. Mother's was certainly a unique contribution - Blackbird Pie. Suggested Menu Dinner for six: Four and twenty black birds dressed One dozen oysters One half teaspoon nutmeg, salt and pepper to taste, rye bread crumbs Four tablespoons of cream or chicken stock Two tablespoons butter creamed with two tablespoons flour Brown the birds in butter. Line large deep pie pan with pastry. Arrange birds and oysters, add cream or chicken stock, sprinkle with nutmeg, rye crumbs, etc. Dot with butter and flour mixture. Cover with crust and bake 45 minutes at 360 degrees or until crust is lightly browned. Crust may be decorated with pastry leaves and brushed with beaten egg yolk before baking. She suggested serving mugs of nut-brown ale all around as the beverage of choice. Cheerily, Charley Noble |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: Rapparee Date: 13 Jan 08 - 06:29 PM 360 degrees? Exactly? Could I cook it at 350 for a bit longer, or do I have to get a better oven? Try ortioles -- a French dish of baked songbirds. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: Charley Noble Date: 13 Jan 08 - 09:51 PM Rapaire- My mother used to go on about "Hummingbird tongues" as something the Chinese emperors were into. Lord knows where she ran across such info. It was long before the internet, or Mudcat! "360" was a typo. It should be "350." Sorry if someone has already ruined their blackbird pie. Cheerily, Charley Noble |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: Celtaddict Date: 13 Jan 08 - 11:04 PM Some time ago when we were gathering recipes from all the 'celtic nations' for a benefit cookbook, someone submitted a recipe for octopus, Galician style. Take a medium size octopus. Pound against a rock until tender. Boil in salted water. That was the entire submission. I am not sure I would know how to hold an octopus to pound it on a rock, nor that I would know when it was tender. The other Galician recipes looked better, virtually all involving olive oil, garlic, and paprika. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: Fred Maslan Date: 13 Jan 08 - 11:33 PM My son pointed me to this recipe: Lemming Meringue Pie Ingredients 1/4 cup cream Pie crust (graham cracker) 4 egg whites 1/2 tsp. salt 1 tbls. vanilla 1/2 cup sugar 2 medium sized Lemmings First you'll be needing some Lemmings To achieve this, find a tall cliff that is well known for its Lemming sightings. Place a large pot 15 ft. from the base of the cliff, (or a bunch of 'em if your having a party) and wait. Now, their are some of you out there who refuse to eat meat because of your moral belief's about the slaughter of animals. Well here is a delicious guilt free meal that virtually kills itself. Now if you've played your cards right, it will be around midnight and you should be hearing a low rumbling from above. Lick your lips, for soon it'll be a'raining moronic, moon chasing Lemmings...SLURP! To prepare: De-fur, de-bone and puree Lemmings. Pour into pie crust. Mold (with spatula) to fit pan. Separate egg white. Half whip whites. Mix cream, salt, vanilla, and sugar. Add whites and whip. Spoon over Lemming puree and bake uncovered at 450º for 45 min.---- Bon Appetite! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: GUEST,leeneia Date: 13 Jan 08 - 11:35 PM Loved your medieval recipe, Rapaire. You are such a sophisticate! 'an caste þer-to Freysshe broþe, & half Wyne, Clowes, Maces, Pepir, Canelle..' What's canelle? I am impressed that you can type a thorn. Don't tell me the seven steps to do it, though. I'll never remember. ===== There are people who cook chicken with a can of beer in it. I am not making this up. That's my idea of a crack-pot recipe. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: Charley Noble Date: 14 Jan 08 - 09:48 AM Here's an interesting review of a new gourmet cookbook: The Dracula Cookbook of Blood is the most deliciously unusual book ever published. It is a cookbook for Vampires! Apparently there were two other Vampire cookbooks on the market. One of regular recipes that use stuff such as ³brontosaurus lard² that is butter, and so forth. This may be cute for the white light and pink cotton candy chef. The other is The Dark Shadows Cookbook, favorite recipes of the cast -- fine for film collectors. THIS book, however, is unique. All the recipes contain BLOOD! I agree with the authors a real Vampire would want a real blood cookbook. The recipes are from around the world and from all of our ancestors. They are all authentic recipes. It would seem all indigenous peoples used blood in cooking at one time or another. This book relates the history of blood cooking, along with nutritional and safe cooking procedures, as well as where you can always count on buying blood. It even tells how to take out bloodstains. The book is divided into breakfast, lunch, between meal snacks, main dishes and desserts. Some of the recipes include blood pancakes from Finland, meat stew from Ghana and turtle from the Ozarks. The authors even included three real bat recipes in an appendix just because they could not resist. A bundle of very obscure Vampire lore is interspersed with the recipes. One example is a Hungarian Farkaskoldus. This is a Vampire who when dying takes on the aspect of a werewolf. Another is a Rocky Mountain Vampire with a long flexible snout similar to an anteater and it uses this to suck out the brain through the ear of a sleeping victim. The book is set up so you the reader actually arrive at the castle where the master finds you and introduces you to Rodika, the head of kitchens. She then takes you on a tour the kitchens and that is where you find all the odd and fascinating bits of blood lore. Did you know when the Mongols went on long journeys they would drink the blood from their horses as nourishment? Each individual had a string of eighteen horses and would take a little over half a pint from the vein of a horse daily. This little bit compared to the horse's body weight did not affect the horse and sustained the journeyer. This book is thoroughly enjoyable from the very beginning to the blood-thirsty end. Cheerily, Charley Noble |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: Rapparee Date: 14 Jan 08 - 12:58 PM In one of Patrick McManus' books he tells of making blood sausage. Find it and read it, it's hilarious. Blutwurst, black pudding...I find them tasty when made correctly, but they gross some folks out. Growing up we would sometimes eat brains. Bread 'em, fry 'em...they are very mushy and soft and squishy on the inside but crunchy on the inside. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: Stilly River Sage Date: 14 Jan 08 - 01:11 PM We knew what you meant, Rapaire, even if you didn't say it. Songbirds were a regular food item for many Europeans, and it caused quite a culture clash when Italians, in particular, would snare songbirds for the dinner table. See Warren, Louis S., The Hunter's Game: Poachers and Conservationists in Twentieth-Century America. ISBN 0-300-08086-7. SRS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: Emma B Date: 14 Jan 08 - 01:36 PM Just received an Xmas parcel of goodies that had been given up for lost from a wonderful catter friend. A cookery book contained the following introduction ...... RECIPE FOR PRESERVING CHILDREN Ingredients - 1 large grassy field 6 small children, all sizes 3 dogs Narrow brook Pebbles, if possible A deep blue sky Warm sun Flowers Mix the children with the dogs, empty into field, stirring continuously. Sprinkle the field with flowers, pour brook gently over the pebbles. Cover all with deep blue sky and bake in warm sun. When children are browned they may be removed. Set away to cool in a bath tub. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: RangerSteve Date: 14 Jan 08 - 03:14 PM Rapaire - I believe those are called ortilons. They're illegal in France these days, mostly because they're becoming an endangered species, but can still be had if you ask the right (or wrong) people. The birds are placed in a vat of armagnac (similar to cognac) alive and are drowned. After a day of marinating in the booze, they're taken out and plucked. The whole bird is then roasted. The proper way to enjoy them is with a cloth over your head, so your senses are all devoted to the meal with no outside interuptions. The drowning part is enough to put me off. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crackpot recipes From: Charley Noble Date: 15 Jan 08 - 09:08 AM Rapaire- We only tried brains once at the kitchen table of our family farm. My mother found a recipe for baking an entire cow's head, contents and all. The cheeks weren't bad. The tongue was a little dry but edible. When she scooped out some brains we all tried a small sample and no one asked for seconds. We gave the eyeballs a pass. By the time we were through there was just a grinning skull left on the platter! Cheerily, Charley Noble |
