Lyr Add: I'll Tell You Where to Put It If You Like

Subject: put it in the bin behind the door
From: GUEST,Shropshire Kim
Date: 25 Jan 08 - 12:02 PM

Dear all
does anyone recognise this lyric?
"You can put it in the bin behind the door" she said
"You can stick it where the lodger keeps his bike.
But if you really want to know where I think it ought to go,
Then I'll tell you where to put it if you like"

It's a part lyric I remember from a Folk Club about 35 years ago and which has haunted me ever since. Yet it seems I am the only person in the world who recognises it.
Can anyone help?

Kim

Subject: RE: put it in the bin behind the door
From: Celtaddict
Date: 25 Jan 08 - 01:34 PM

Sorry, no. It sounds as if it is one of those songs that lets the hearer make assumptions about what 'it' is. (a la 'you'll never get rid of a * * * no matter what you do') Do you recall anything else about it? Plot? Who sang it? Area you heard it?

When I saw the subject line I thought it might be related to a song challenge about Bat Goddess' broken arm.

Subject: RE: put it in the bin behind the door
From: GUEST,Shropshire Kim
Date: 25 Jan 08 - 01:56 PM

I remember very little although the "it" in question may have been a brown paper parcel - I'm really not too sure.The whole thing may simply have been about the postman trying to make a delivery.
I heard it at a folk club in Ironbridge, Shropshire, UK and have lived with this one verse ever since.I do remember the tune but that's no help to me.

Subject: RE: put it in the bin behind the door
From: ClaireBear
Date: 25 Jan 08 - 02:14 PM

A comment on this blog page claims that John Roberts and Tony Barrand have been known to sing it. I believe one or both of them may be reachable in cyberspace. I hope that helps.

Claire

Subject: RE: Recognize this? -put it in the bin behind the
From: GUEST
Date: 25 Jan 08 - 02:24 PM

Thanks Claire
sadly that is my blog! Thanks to the comment I emailed John and Tony who both kindly replied.
Unfortunately both denied all knowledge of the song - perhaps it was so bad they've managed to block it out.
Still hoping ..

Subject: RE: Recognize this? -put it in the bin behind the door
From: ClaireBear
Date: 25 Jan 08 - 02:41 PM

Alas, I was rather afraid it might be your blog, but I was hoping John or Tony could help.

Best of luck then!

Subject: RE: Recognize this? -put it in the bin behind the door
From: Mick Pearce (MCP)
Date: 25 Jan 08 - 04:35 PM

If the title is I'll Tell You Where To Put It If You Like, then this article: Eric Winter obit (you can ignore the ActiveX) suggests it was written by Alex Comfort and put to music by Eric Winter:

"Chris Sandford recorded "I'll Tell You Where to Put It If You Like" (1961, also known as "The Teapot Song"), for which the writer and sexologist Alex Comfort provided the lyrics to Winter's tune."

In 2005 someone was looking for info on the Chris Sandford recording: Boot Sale Sounds - Chris Sandford and had the file posted, sadly only for 7 days.

U.Ariz - Hill Collections also has an entry under that title, but not details of what it is.

I'll pursue this a bit.

Mick

Subject: RE: Recognize this? -put it in the bin behind the door
From: Cuddles
Date: 25 Jan 08 - 04:39 PM

Is it one of those verses from The National Anthem that you can never quite remember, so you always end up singing the same old one?

Subject: RE: Recognize this? -put it in the bin behind the door
From: Mick Pearce (MCP)
Date: 25 Jan 08 - 04:49 PM

Working Class Movement Library Song Books and Sheets Index has a copy of the Alex Comfort Song Book according to this index. They're based in Salford if anyone wants to try them (there is a contact too - they might be willing to look in the book!).

Mick

Subject: RE: Recognize this? -put it in the bin behind the door
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 25 Jan 08 - 07:39 PM

I saw this song in a library book about 15-20 years ago. Now that Mike Pearce says the name Alex Comfort, I remember that he wrote the words.

I was sitting by the telly on me own the other night
when I heard somebody banging in the hall.
A silly little man that had brought in off his van
a boiler twice as wide as he was tall.
I said, 'It's for the neighbor, chum. It isn't mine, it's his.'
'Well, I rang his bell and he ain't in, so what'll I do with this?"

"You can stuff it in the bin behind the door" I said
"You can keep it where the lodger keeps his bike.
if you really want to know where I think it ought to go,
I can tell you where to put it if you like."

There was another verse where his auntie went to the fair and came back with 'a dirty great rhinoceros head a-mounted on a board."
Some lyric lines feel great in your moutn, and 'dirty great rhinoceros head' is one of them.

Subject: RE: Recognize this? -put it in the bin behind the door
From: Mick Pearce (MCP)
Date: 25 Jan 08 - 09:06 PM

I've just discovered that Joe may be able to help here. In the thread: Songbook Indexing: Oak Publications, he posted the contents for New English Broadsides: Songs of Our Time from the English Folk Scene (Compiled by Nathan Joseph and Eric Winter, 1967), which contains two songs by Alex Comfort, one of which is this one!

I'll PM Joe and see if he has access to the actual book.

Mick

Subject: RE: Recognize this? -put it in the bin behind the
From: Celtaddict
Date: 25 Jan 08 - 11:04 PM

Alex Comfort? The 'Joy of Sex' man? Who knew?

Subject: ADD: I'll Tell You Where To Put It If You Like
From: Joe Offer
Date: 26 Jan 08 - 02:07 AM

Mick, you're brilliant!!

I'll Tell You Where To Put It If You Like
[The Teapot Song]
Alex Comfort (words) & Eric Winter (music), 1961

We were sitting by the telly on our own the other night,
When we heard somebody banging in the hall.
A silly little man wot had brought in off his van
A boiler twice as large as he was tall.
I said: It's for the neighbour, chum - it isn't mine, it's his.
-Well I've rung his bell and he ain't in, so what'll I do with this?

CHORUS
Oh, Da-de-da, de-da, de-da, de-da!
You can stuff it in the bin behind the door (we said)
You can leave it where the lodger puts his bike.
If you really want to know where we think it ought to go,
Well, we'll tell you where to put it if you like.

I was sitting in my armchair in my old man's residence
When a whacking pair of feet they shook the floor,
We saw a copper's helmet going right along the fence,
And presently he banged upon the door.
He says to me, "Is your name Jones? The landlord's had me sent.
I've a summons here to chuck you out so's he can raise the rent.
CHORUS

We've got an Auntie Margaret and she likes to have a bash
And she went to spend a day beside the sea,
She saw a fair and in she went and spent a lot of cash,
Determined she would bring home something free.
"Oh, I've won a prize, now isn't that nice?" We all cried out, "Oh Lord!
It's a dirty great rhinoceros head a-mounted on a board!"
CHORUS

Now our M.P. has just damped off from too much strontium,
And a tailor's dummy's come to ask for votes.
He says we must prepare to blow ourselves to kingdom come
In case the Russians try to cut our throats,
"Now if you'll vote for me," he says, "I'll see that you're all right.
I'll get the Yanks to come down here and build a rocket site."
CHORUS

Source: New English Broadsides, Oak Publications, 1967 [compiled by Nathan Joseph and Eric Winter] page 91

Yes, that's the Joy of Sex Alex Comfort. His Wikipedia biography is brief, but it tells his story pretty well:

Alexander Comfort (February 10, 1920 - March 26, 2000) was educated at Highgate School and was a medical professional, gerontologist, anarchist, pacifist and writer, best known for The Joy of Sex, which played a part in what is often called the sexual revolution. He was also the author of many other books on a variety of topics.

Comfort wrote the words to the original version of One Man's Hands, and I think he was responsible fo a couple of other songs that were fairly well-known by 60's folkies.
Alex Comfort obituary here (click)

-Joe-


Tune available upon request - but not tonight...

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Click to play

(tune posted 26 Dec 2008)

Subject: RE: Recognize this? -put it in the bin behind the
From: GUEST,Shropshire Kim
Date: 26 Jan 08 - 03:30 AM

Thank you so much - 30 years of confusion over.
Although I think I know the chorus tune the rest is a blank.The whole tune would be wonderful at some time.
Once again thank you -the combined brains of Mudcat are indeed an awesome force.
Many thanks
Kim

Subject: RE: Recognize this? -put it in the bin behind the door
From: Mick Pearce (MCP)
Date: 26 Jan 08 - 05:39 AM

Mick, you're brilliant!!

Now Joe, you know my ethical code forbids me from believing people lie and from arguing with people, so I'll just have to accept this!

Actually it was more perseverance than brilliance. I decided from the start that I'll tell you where to put it if you like was the likely title, and then finding a reference in an Eric Winter obit made me believe I was on the right track (Like ClaireBear, I found the blog too, but the wording made me fairly certain that was Kim; not the first time I've found a request duplicated elsewhere. Sometimes, like this one, you can guess from the wording it's the same person, but not always).

Once I found the reference in the obit, it was pretty much just chasing up the Alex Comfort references (more of them than Eric Winter), while sidestepping the references to The Joy of Sex and to Go Limp, another of his songs that Nina Simone sang (was he always thinking of sex?!).

Then, brilliantly, on the 8,471st reference I found it listed in the Oak Index thread here, PMed Joe and there you have it.

Thanks to Joe for taking the time to post it. And as I've said before, if I was looking for the words to a song - not neccessarily even a broad-definition folk song - this is where I'd come.

Mick

(and well-remembered leeneia!).

Subject: RE: Recognize this? -put it in the bin behind the door
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 28 Jan 08 - 05:41 PM

Thank you, Mick dear. I was just about to shed a tear because nobody had noticed my contribution atall.

I enjoyed the line about 'a tailor's dummy come to ask for votes.'

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: I'll Tell You Where to Put It If You Like
From: Joe Offer
Date: 27 Dec 08 - 12:48 AM

Waddon Pete reminded me I had promised (in January) to post this MIDI.

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Click to play

Subject: RE: ADD: I'll Tell You Where to Put It If You Like
From: Waddon Pete
Date: 30 Dec 08 - 02:28 PM

Thanks Joe!

Best wishes,
Peter