Blitherscrum under threat this year.

Subject: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 27 Feb 08 - 03:11 PM

Blitherscrum Folk Festival is under threat this year for a few reasons.
1) Finances are short as sponsorship has ceased from the Blitherscrum Womens Institute.
2)Some of the artists approached are not interested in performing this year after the fiasco with the toilets last year.
3) 'Jezlo' 'Elgree Co' and 'Vinegar Butt' are booked elsewhere for that weekend
4) The campsite is no longer available as it is being used for genetically modified crops (humungous tomatoes)
5) Eddie Baker owns many of the fields nearby and as we all know he can cause mayhem.
If anyone has a suggestion for a different venue we would be obliged if you would let us know. Or any ideas to help us solve the various problems.
Best wishes from 'The Committee'

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Suegorgeous
Date: 27 Feb 08 - 03:31 PM

How about Nempnett Thrubwell?? I've always longed to see that on the map!! :))

S

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Rasener
Date: 27 Feb 08 - 04:11 PM

Bruce Forsyth said he could make it this year. Howveer he said he doesn't want any come dancing on stage :-)

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: GUEST,The Barden of England sans cookie
Date: 27 Feb 08 - 04:36 PM

However, I've heard that the local Chinese has offered to sponsor the 'Dancing on Rice' spectacular. Can you confirm if this is so?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Dave Earl
Date: 27 Feb 08 - 07:27 PM

Oh no!!!

We must find somewhere for it to happen.

May I suggest Upper (or Lower if you prefer)Dicker dahn 'ere in da deepest sahf.

Hope it can happen.

Dave (mines a pint) Earl

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Folkiedave
Date: 27 Feb 08 - 07:33 PM

What about Market Rasen?

Points in its favour:

Near to The Villan

History of Folk Music in the Village.

Central for some people.

Points against it:

In middle of Earthquake Zone.

Surely there is a grant for having a festival in the middle of an Earthquake Zone?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 Feb 08 - 08:00 PM

What exactly is the problem with the ugly old biddies from the Blitherscrum Women's Institute? Last year they paid for the privilege of "meeting" folkies. Romance not in the wind? Spaw IN the wind?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Mingulay
Date: 27 Feb 08 - 08:57 PM

Slightly less than a million miles from civilisation in deepest rural England lie the twin villages of Upton Ogood and Nevern Ogood. Situated on opposite banks of the picturesque open sewer known locally as the River Khazi these villages offer many amenities for those of a folkie disposition bent on the pleasures of holding a 'festival'. There are several public houses with attached micro breweries producing fine ales from locally sourced materials and sparkling 'spring' water. The village hall with its timbered walls and turf roof was gifted by Olaf the Marauder in 937 and burnt down by the locals at 1 o'clock. The cows can be removed from the camping field. Witch burning only takes place on alternate Wednesdays these days, although village idiot prodding is allowed on any day with an 'a' in it (fun for all the kiddies).

The village elders are keen to promote tourism to the area and have promised that the unfortunate episode with the charabanc party in 1917 would not be repeated as cannabilism has almost died out since the opening of the Borneo takeaway.

There would also be no need to worry about Eddy Baker as the access roads are too narrow for his equipment.

So, forget Blitherscrum, and step back into the past in the Ogoods.

YOU KNOW IT MAKES SENSE!!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Rasener
Date: 28 Feb 08 - 02:36 AM

Eddie Grant said he would love to come.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 28 Feb 08 - 02:45 AM

It is wonderful to see you lovely mudcat people taking such an interest in this salubrious event. Please keep the suggestions coming and perhaps we can arrange something. To all those women attenders last year who were complaining that "My husband never makes the earth move under me these days" Perhaps the answer is Market Rasen. The committee has taken that on board.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Rasener
Date: 28 Feb 08 - 02:54 AM

Well you can get a good ride at Market Rasen

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: MC Fat
Date: 28 Feb 08 - 06:24 AM

Don't know that Market Raisen will allow the move of their famous 'Vote for the Village Bike of the Year' last year's winner Eva Bollockov won the major prize of being mentioned in lay bys in the latest AA map, a pearl necklace from the chairman of the panel and a mattress she could strap on her back in case she met someone she knew or even didn't know.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Waddon Pete
Date: 28 Feb 08 - 06:51 AM

So many events these days seem to fall foul of some regulation or other or are blocked by the NIMBY contingent. We must resist!

If we move to the Ogoods, can we still call it the Blitherscrum Festival as there is a barn full of T shirts and other memorabilia still to shift!

I hear there is a group of singing horses who might like to come along. They come personally recommended by a certain famous jazz musician!

Best wishes,

Peter

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Rasener
Date: 28 Feb 08 - 06:52 AM

Now then Jim, I will have to talk to Barbara Guise about you :-)
Les

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Mr Happy
Date: 28 Feb 08 - 08:30 AM

Why not try a moveable feast, in the manner of the Edale Folk Train or various canal boat & folk fests across the country?

Perhaps you could book one've the privately run narrow gauge or otherwise trains & have the campsites at stations along the route, or alternatively, a fleet of narrow boats cruising the waterways, with sessions at handy pubs along the toepaths

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: MC Fat
Date: 28 Feb 08 - 10:27 AM

Ehm...Blitherscrum always has been a movable feast when the chip shop van is there anyway and then there's the ace ceilidh band The Bowel Movements

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Rasener
Date: 28 Feb 08 - 11:34 AM

Don't foget Willy & The Toylets

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: SINSULL
Date: 28 Feb 08 - 12:17 PM

The Curry Ship kept things in motion as well.

This year I want the Imodium Concession.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Mingulay
Date: 28 Feb 08 - 02:20 PM

Well, it looks as though things are in 'motion' again be it Blitherscrum or the Ogoods. At least we can look forward to another exciting performance from that well known part time Greek favourite Georgio Constipadis who has agreed to appear naked (he apparently needs all the exposure he can get!) whilst performing the dance of the flaming kebabs in F#, or should that be Fhot?

Book early for the Ogoods and get a 3 groat reduction on the normal ticket price plus a free bucket of pigswill at the Saturday night banquet.

Many more artists are to be booked as soon as the local police are able to trace their whereabouts.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 28 Feb 08 - 06:00 PM

A friend suggested a new venue at 'Upper Ramsbottom" but the committee thought it might be rather cramped there.
Apparently Jezlo and his female violinist Granny Smith are available that weekend after all but Vinegar Butt is still otherwise engaged.
The possible line up, if we can find a venue, so far is:-
Kate Raspberry, Jezlo and the apple, Big Ali, John (Gorky) McEnery,
Pate Boggs, Heather E Moore and Fairfart Retention.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Folkiedave
Date: 28 Feb 08 - 07:16 PM

Kate Rasberry? Will Mike Hardon be there?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 29 Feb 08 - 02:07 AM

No he is off hiking in Norton by Wrigglesdale.
However, I now have a confirmation from 'Bernhardt Wiggley' that he will perform and 'Pealeyed Stan' are possibles

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Rasener
Date: 29 Feb 08 - 04:13 AM

Betty Swallocks is coming along with Dicky

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 29 Feb 08 - 02:40 PM

Is Bettys' friend Faerie Hanny coming too?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Snuffy
Date: 29 Feb 08 - 03:31 PM

I heard Steal Ice Band might be coming. And what about Jo Blobb?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Dave Earl
Date: 01 Mar 08 - 09:31 AM

Er scuse I but...

"Betty Swallocks is coming"

This Southern drag artist will not be available until the end of the current "alternative" pantomime run in Brighton - Sleeping Beauty and that little prick"

Dave
It' all true I tell you!!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Rasener
Date: 01 Mar 08 - 03:01 PM

Creton Bap is coming.

Rindercella & the sugly isters are coming as well.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 01 Mar 08 - 04:28 PM

It has now been agreed that the new venue will be Upton Ogood.
There is no official campsite as such but the local pig farm will allow us to place tents, caravans between the pig stys. Please walk the half mile to the toilet as doing your business in the field may upset the pigs who are smell sensitive.
The same farmer has offered to bring out his hose each morning as there are obviously no showers available and the smell of sweat may also upset the pigs.
Please do not cook bacon for obvious reasons.
It is also quite important that you do not get too friendly with the pigs as the sheep in the next field tend to get jealous and may keep you awake at night.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: stallion
Date: 02 Mar 08 - 07:18 AM

How come Two Roosters and a Wonky Donkey have never been invited, it's not as if a handful of corn and a bale of hay costs much these days, as for sleep deprivation of campers, well, you know the reputation of the Roosters and for the ladies you have the Donkey (He haw he - a joke!)
Oh where is me coat?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Waddon Pete
Date: 02 Mar 08 - 07:55 AM

Upton Ogood?


Oh Good!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 02 Mar 08 - 01:16 PM

stallion...there is only one real lady who attends...Lady Menifucan from Humpem Hall. Not saying that the other women aren't ladylike but she is a real lady. Sadly her husband died from exhaustion last year.
She now has some other very beautiful ladies living with her and will gladly take you to meet them. Just ask her politely "Could you please take me to Humpem Hall"? and I am sure you will be satisfied with the result.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: stallion
Date: 02 Mar 08 - 03:39 PM

I am sure the Donk will appreciate the good news about the ladies but he might surprise them with his very large, ears! Very large indeed, I know I have roomed with him, scary!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 24 Mar 08 - 01:31 PM

News has come in that we will have Katie Busby performing for us this year.....someone said she does a 'Kinky' song about Village Greens or something.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Rasener
Date: 24 Mar 08 - 03:02 PM

I heard that The Queen was coming along and was going to sing "We are the champions"

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Mr Happy
Date: 07 May 08 - 06:24 AM

Stewards needed! Be a Steward & get a free festival ticket!

For a free ticket, you쳌fll be required to work up to 23 hours each day [OTE] & be a genuine team player.

Ticket includes camping on the overflow site, [only 3 short miles away] & free entry to all venues except the ones where there쳌fs anything enjoyable on.

Duties will be allocated on a rota basis & will be subject to your suitability based on your skills & competencies, assuming you have any.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: GUEST,MC Fat
Date: 08 May 08 - 05:10 AM

We used to dram of having an overflow site

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Mr Happy
Date: 08 May 08 - 05:52 AM

dram?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Splott Man
Date: 08 May 08 - 08:00 AM

Would that be a wee dram in the overflow site?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Mr Happy
Date: 08 May 08 - 08:33 AM

I don't drink much, I spill most've it!!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Mingulay
Date: 09 May 08 - 08:10 AM

Will there be any British Leyland dancing this year, or will it stil be the old fashioned morris stuff? The marina might be a suitable venue as the music can be rather allegro at times and the performers can relax by playing a little pontoon.

Competitors in Friday afternoons count the sheep droppings event are reminded that they must provide their own receptacle and have proof of the necessary inoculations.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 10 Jun 08 - 03:50 PM

After all the worries, our festival will go ahead this year.....many are closing down so we are reaping the benefits..we get all the dross that used to attend the others coming to Blitherscrum....what a privilege!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 10 Jun 08 - 03:53 PM

Please...when filling in the form to apply for tickets...where it says 'SEX'....that is requesting your gender...not asking if you want a carnal relationship whilst at the Festival so 'MALE; or 'FEMALE' will do....not 'YES PLEASE'

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Mr Happy
Date: 10 Jun 08 - 05:33 PM

Fringe events

Bodhran target shooting, using Stanley knives, bows & arrows, why? [because they're there!]

Banjo circumcision & flaying – scalpels & flensing knives supplied

Melodeon water polo – how watertight is yours?

Make your own Crumhorn – digestive biscuits, chocolate or plain essential!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: TheSnail
Date: 10 Jun 08 - 05:40 PM

Dance to the swirling rhythms of the Panchromatic Trouser Band.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Mr Red
Date: 10 Jun 08 - 05:49 PM

Has anyone insured against flash floods?

I don't do aquaceilidhs in any circumstance.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Mr Happy
Date: 10 Jun 08 - 06:10 PM

aquackeilidhs? Water off the Ducks back!!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Folkiedave
Date: 10 Jun 08 - 06:14 PM



How about "INTERESTED"?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 10 Jun 08 - 06:33 PM

aquaceilidhs? would certainly drown out any competition.....Handels water music anyone?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: Splott Man
Date: 11 Jun 08 - 03:44 AM

What no bunjie ceilidh off the town bridge?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum under threat this year.
From: GUEST,MC Fat (at work)
Date: 11 Jun 08 - 04:30 AM

Without the rope !!!