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Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know

Alaska Mike 23 Sep 10 - 09:44 AM
GUEST,dilpek4 22 Sep 10 - 09:41 PM
GUEST 07 Jul 09 - 09:48 AM
Uncle_DaveO 09 Nov 08 - 02:24 PM
GUEST,stringsinger 09 Nov 08 - 02:18 PM
Lighter 08 Nov 08 - 09:03 PM
Joe_F 08 Nov 08 - 08:50 PM
Joe Offer 08 Nov 08 - 04:07 PM
GUEST,kenny 08 Nov 08 - 03:59 PM
Cluin 07 Nov 08 - 10:16 PM
Lighter 07 Nov 08 - 09:08 PM
Joe_F 07 Nov 08 - 08:24 PM
Uncle_DaveO 07 Nov 08 - 08:16 PM
Uncle_DaveO 07 Nov 08 - 08:15 PM
Seamus Kennedy 07 Nov 08 - 08:03 PM
GUEST,kenny 07 Nov 08 - 03:15 PM
Musket 07 Nov 08 - 03:53 AM
Don Firth 06 Nov 08 - 09:58 PM
Joe_F 06 Nov 08 - 09:16 PM
Celtaddict 06 Nov 08 - 02:12 PM
GUEST,Duncan McLeerie 06 Nov 08 - 02:08 PM
Mrrzy 06 Nov 08 - 09:20 AM
George Papavgeris 06 Nov 08 - 08:48 AM
johnross 05 Nov 08 - 09:28 PM
SussexCarole 05 Nov 08 - 07:54 PM
VirginiaTam 05 Nov 08 - 05:17 PM
Bernard 05 Nov 08 - 04:38 PM
GUEST 05 Nov 08 - 04:31 PM
VirginiaTam 05 Nov 08 - 04:25 PM
jordanleonard 05 Nov 08 - 02:46 PM
GUEST, Sminky 04 Sep 08 - 06:15 AM
pavane 04 Sep 08 - 05:19 AM
pavane 04 Sep 08 - 01:31 AM
frogprince 03 Sep 08 - 08:14 PM
Leadfingers 03 Sep 08 - 07:20 PM
Bat Goddess 03 Sep 08 - 06:58 PM
Bryn Pugh 03 Sep 08 - 06:07 AM
GUEST,Jools 02 Sep 08 - 11:58 PM
Leadfingers 02 Sep 08 - 08:55 PM
The Sandman 02 Sep 08 - 05:31 PM
GUEST,TJ in San Diego 02 Sep 08 - 05:25 PM
Steve Gardham 02 Sep 08 - 05:01 PM
Bryn Pugh 02 Sep 08 - 05:29 AM
Richard Bridge 02 Sep 08 - 04:04 AM
alison 02 Sep 08 - 03:59 AM
GUEST,warren fahey 02 Sep 08 - 03:39 AM
The Fooles Troupe 12 Mar 08 - 06:19 AM
Dave Hanson 12 Mar 08 - 04:07 AM
Bert 12 Mar 08 - 12:33 AM
GrannyInWales 11 Mar 08 - 10:35 PM
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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Alaska Mike
Date: 23 Sep 10 - 09:44 AM

How about The Big Bamboo .


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: GUEST,dilpek4
Date: 22 Sep 10 - 09:41 PM

we used to sing this as kids going off to play army in the fields lol

A sole - a sole - a soldier I shall be,
two pis - two pis - two pistols on my knee,
for cu - for cu - for curiosity,
i'll fight for the count - i'll fight for the count -
- i'll fight for the coun-ter-eeee.


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: GUEST
Date: 07 Jul 09 - 09:48 AM

Oh the sun shines bright on Nelly Cartwright.
She couldn't fart right
her hole was air tight.


and thennn there's my favorite:

Put it in your mouth Mrs Murphy.
It only weighs a quarter of a pound
It's got hair all around it like a turkey
and it spits when you rub it up and down.


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 09 Nov 08 - 02:24 PM

"Into the woods!"

"NO!"

"Into the woods!"

"PLEASE, NO!!"

"Into the woods!"

"I'LL SCREAM!!!!!"

"How loud can you scream?"

"ahh!"

"INTO THE WOODS!!!"


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: GUEST,stringsinger
Date: 09 Nov 08 - 02:18 PM

I knew the song as the "Ball of Ballymuire".

OK, you asked for it. My step-father sang this in the
Merchant Marine. "Christopher Columbo".

"They sailed past San Salvador in search of shining booty,
A naked whore lay on the beach, my God she was a beauty.
The sailor boys jumped overboard divesting shirts and collars.
In fifteen minutes by the clock, she made ten-thousand dollars.

Christopher Columbo, He thought the world was round-O!
That masterbaiting, fornicating son-of-a bitch Columbo."

(There is
some truth in the sentiment since Columbus was a mass-murderer
and exterminated the Taino and the Arawak Indians in San Salvador.
Why they have Columbus Day in the States as a holiday I don't know.
Frank


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Lighter
Date: 08 Nov 08 - 09:03 PM

Could be, Joe, could be.

Will we ever know?


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Joe_F
Date: 08 Nov 08 - 08:50 PM

Lighter: Is "Nine Auld Hoors" perhaps an expansion of
Four Old Whores of Liverpool?
There is quite a bit about that one.


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Joe Offer
Date: 08 Nov 08 - 04:07 PM

I dunno, Kenny. "Nine Auld Hoors" seems to be an appropriate song to post in a thread titled Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know. If people don't like it, they shouldn't be looking in a thread titled "Filthy Songs."

-Joe Offer-


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: GUEST,kenny
Date: 08 Nov 08 - 03:59 PM

Maybe better not, "Lighter" - there are limits..... I don't think "Mudcat" would stand the chorus.


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Cluin
Date: 07 Nov 08 - 10:16 PM

Two Dutchmen, Two Dutchmen
Were swimming in a ditch
One called the other
A dirty sonofa...


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Lighter
Date: 07 Nov 08 - 09:08 PM

"Nine Auld Hoors" isn't in the DT - or anywhere on the Web.

Words? Tune? Anyone? Anyone?


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Joe_F
Date: 07 Nov 08 - 08:24 PM

Don Firth: Aliter:

The whip! The whip!
No! No! Not the whip!
The whip! The whip!
No! No! Anything but the whip!
Anything?
The whip! The whip!


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 07 Nov 08 - 08:16 PM

Poor Lil


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 07 Nov 08 - 08:15 PM

The first song that I ever wrote that was worth remembering. I still sing it, but even in these days of (relative) permissiveness, fairly innocent as the song is, I don't find too many audiences where I have nerve to sing it.

The Little Girl Who Wore Red Shoes

Dave Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 07 Nov 08 - 08:03 PM

Warren Fahey - the Irish jig Banish Misfortune is often called by musicians 'Varnish My Foreskin'.

Seamus


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: GUEST,kenny
Date: 07 Nov 08 - 03:15 PM

They all pale into insignificance when you've heard Norman Kennedy or Danny Couper sing "The 9 Auld Hoors".


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Musket
Date: 07 Nov 08 - 03:53 AM

Ah well, Adge Cutler decided to make it almost printable when he did his version of The Ball of Kerriemuir.

Being a Somerset lad, he changed the first verse to

Four and twenty maidens came down from Portishead
When the ball was over, the maidens lost their heads.

Funny how songs evolve...

To be funny enough for most audiences, a song has to imply, have double entendres or have the audience thinking one thing and the punch line is not lewd at all. Many entertainers can do this.

However, as this is about folk songs as we perceive them, I agree with a posting somewhere up the screen that says The Bonny Black Hare is a good song. It certainly isn't double meaning! Shows the minds of our great great great grandads...


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Don Firth
Date: 06 Nov 08 - 09:58 PM

Slightly different version of one posted above:
He:   To the woods!
She:   No! No!
He:   To the woods!
She:   No! No!
He:   To the woods!
She:   I'll tell the vicar!
He:   I am the vicar!
She:   To the woods!
Don Firth


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Joe_F
Date: 06 Nov 08 - 09:16 PM

Mrrzy: A song on that pattern that has been around for a while is

A sol-, a sol-, a soldier I would be,
Two pis-, two pis-, two pistols on my knee,
For cu-, for cu-, for curiosity,
To fight for ****, to fight for ****, to fight for country.


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Celtaddict
Date: 06 Nov 08 - 02:12 PM

Linn, I just found a new favorite word! BAWDIOLOGIST! My dad would have loved that!


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: GUEST,Duncan McLeerie
Date: 06 Nov 08 - 02:08 PM

Surprised no-one's mentioned "The Great Plenipotentiary", said to have been composed by an eighteenth-century military man. Sample verse:

"The next to be tried was an alderman's bride
Whose cunt would have swallowed a turtle;
She had horn'd the dull brows of her worshipful spouse
Till they sprouted like Venus's myrtle;
But he rammed her so full she roar'd out like a bull,
And her cunt frothed like cream in a dairy
So tight was she stuck by that wonderful fuck
Of the great Plenipotentiary"

To the tune of "Sean Buidhe"


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Mrrzy
Date: 06 Nov 08 - 09:20 AM

Oh, I know a lot of French songs that do that repetition of a syllable thing, always dirty, but hadn't heard one in English yet!


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Subject: Lyr Add: BOLD SIR JOHN (from Two Ronnies)
From: George Papavgeris
Date: 06 Nov 08 - 08:48 AM

Bold Sir John (from Two Ronnies sketch)

Oh Bold Sir John was young and fair, and Bold Sir John was gay
He said "I'll tread the morning dew, to take the air and listen to
The twittering of the birds all day, the bumble bees at play"
The twit…The twit…The twit…The twit…, the twittering of the birds all day
The bum… The bum… The bum… The bum…, the bumble bees at play

So Bold Sir John he went his way, observing natures farce
"Dear mother earth oh tell me pray, why elephants live so long they say
Your flies live but a day then they, drop dead upon the grass"
Your flies… Your flies… Your flies… Your flies…, your flies live but a day then they
Drop dead… Drop dead… Drop dead… Drop dead…, drop dead upon the grass

Now Bold Sir John he met a maid, as on her back she lay
"Please show respect and come not near, for I've seen may a maiden here
Get lost among the new mown hay, so doff your hat I pray"
Get lost… Get lost… Get lost… Get lost…, get lost among the new mown hay
So doff… So doff… So doff… So doff…, so doff your hat I pray

When Bold Sir John return-ed home, they gave him gin to try,
"Nay fill me not with liquor up, nor give me grain nor grape to sup,
Pour cowslips dew into my cup, a puritan am I"
Pour cow… Pour cow… Pour cow… Pour cow…, Pour cowslips dew into my cup
A pu… A pu… A pu… A pu…, A puritan am I


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: johnross
Date: 05 Nov 08 - 09:28 PM

Frigging in the Rigging


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: SussexCarole
Date: 05 Nov 08 - 07:54 PM

Big thank yous for the Roedean song. Years back I used to be in the Horsham High School hockey team and we used to play against Roedean and had the pleasure of taunting them with that song! (Oh happy memories. Former centre half....(or goalie) -no half measures


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 05 Nov 08 - 05:17 PM

Pavane... I forgot about Sarah Hartwell. Thanks for reminding me about her and for the link.


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Bernard
Date: 05 Nov 08 - 04:38 PM

Buggerlugs, knicker legs and elastics away...


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Nov 08 - 04:31 PM

"I cannot remember the title of the song but the chorus is"
Four and TWenty virgins I think mate.


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 05 Nov 08 - 04:25 PM

Shave em Dry (the unexpurgated version) is about as filthy as it gets. No inuendo. Just bald faced, bare assed porn. I would never have the nerve to sing it. Even privately.


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: jordanleonard
Date: 05 Nov 08 - 02:46 PM

the lady of the manor is one of the best filthy songs ive heard
its written by dr busker i think
"you could hear the pounding hoofbeats as he raced toward the hall
god save save up cried the butler he's going to f**k us all"

ha
what a singer


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: GUEST, Sminky
Date: 04 Sep 08 - 06:15 AM

Found a copy of "Kiss Me Goodnight, Sergeant Major. The songs and ballads of World War II" at a car boot sale last week. A rich, fertile source of lewdness and depravity.


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: pavane
Date: 04 Sep 08 - 05:19 AM

Llewtrah's rugby song site


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: pavane
Date: 04 Sep 08 - 01:31 AM

If you want juvenile, sophomorish, sniggering, pre-pubescent and crude material, track down the latest location of Llewtrah's song site (Sarah Hartwell). I don't have the link anymore, but I believe it's still out there. (You have to get past her cats now, though.)


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: frogprince
Date: 03 Sep 08 - 08:14 PM

I was stationed on a submarine tender on Guam in 1965-66; Since then I've always had a weakness for "Didn't She Ramble", as recorded by Oscar Brand. "She", in this case, is "Miss VD of Guam". The first time I tried to find the lyric online, all I could find was references to the obscenity trial that ensued when the record came out. It's definitely eligible for the list.


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Leadfingers
Date: 03 Sep 08 - 07:20 PM

Thomas D'Urfey - Pills to Purge Melancholy - A Wonderful collection of Bawdy Balladry from the seventeenth (I Think) Century


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 03 Sep 08 - 06:58 PM

I highly suggest another of Ed Cray's books -- The Erotic Muse -- first published by Oak Publications back in the '60s and updated about ten years ago by the University of Chicago Press.

Ed's my favorite international bawdiologist and also an eminently readable biographer whose most recent biography is of Woody Guthrie.

Linn


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 03 Sep 08 - 06:07 AM

Roedean (Whoredean) School : addendum

Our science master, Oh ! what a fool -
He has got a gi-normous tool.
It's all right for tunnels, and Queen Mary's funnels
And for girls of Whoredean School

Lah de dum, four fingers up your bum.
What a farce - three fingers up your arse !

Resders' Wives - Ivor Biggun and the Red Nosed Burglars ?


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: GUEST,Jools
Date: 02 Sep 08 - 11:58 PM

No one has mentioned 'The Lusty Young Smith' with the classic verse
Six times did his iron by vigorous beating
Grow soft in the forge in a minute or so
And each time it hardened still beating and beating
But each time it softened it hardened more slow


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Subject: Lyr Add: RODEAN SCHOOL
From: Leadfingers
Date: 02 Sep 08 - 08:55 PM

Roedean School

We are from Roedean , good girls are we
we take a pride in out virginity
We take all precautions aginst undue abortions
For we are from Roedean School

Chorus

Up School Up School Up School )
RIGHT Up School                ) SHOUTED
Lah De Dum Two finger sup your bum
Lah de Dum Two fingers and a thumb

Our Head Mistress her name is Gwen
She only likes it now and again
And again and again and again and again
For she is from Roedean School

When we go down to the beach for a swim
Fellows remark on the size of our quim
I bet you a dollar its like a horses collar
For we are from Roedean School

The under gardener is a bit of a fool
He's only got a teeny weeny tool
Its OK for keyholes and little girlies wee holes
But we are from Roedean School


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: The Sandman
Date: 02 Sep 08 - 05:31 PM

There was a brave old scotsman at the Battle of Waterloo.
To the tune of The British Grenadier.
Down in Dartmoor Jail.
Hitler has only got one Ball.


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: GUEST,TJ in San Diego
Date: 02 Sep 08 - 05:25 PM

I once heard a mock-Irish song, to the tune of "Turkey in the Straw," I think, the last two lines of the chorus being,
"Try to get a woman, get a woman if you can,
If you can't get a woman, get a clean old man!"

Ms. Easby's take is quite to the point. Much of this thread deals with juvenile, sophomorish, sniggering, pre-pubescent and crude material - which is exactly why so many of us responded to it, I'm sure.


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Steve Gardham
Date: 02 Sep 08 - 05:01 PM

Billy,
British versions of 'Tiddly Wink' utilise the tune 'Sailor's Hornpipe' aka 'Jacky Tar' as opposed to 'Turkey in the Straw'.


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 02 Sep 08 - 05:29 AM

To the tune of La donn' e mobile

Arseholes are cheap today
Cheaper than yesterday.
Choirboys are half a crown
Stood up or lying down.
Choirgirls are three and six
With or without their knicks.
The rector is five bob,
He's got a huge knob. . .


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 02 Sep 08 - 04:04 AM

Hmm, no mention of two I would rather like to re-learn entirely: -

The British Grenadier

"But of all the world's diseases, there's none that can compare
To the drip drip drip of the syphilitic prick
Of teh Brisith gonorrhea"


Whoredean School

"We are from Whoredean
Good girls are we
we take a pride in our virginity
When we go down to the Vicar for tea
We only do it now and again
And again and againand again and again
And again and again and again"


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: alison
Date: 02 Sep 08 - 03:59 AM

Warren

"cock up your beaver" - should definately be included

slainte

alison


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: GUEST,warren fahey
Date: 02 Sep 08 - 03:39 AM

I have just finished compiling a book of bawdy songs and recitations circulated in Australia (available early 2009) and I am now looking for bawdy dance tune names as in Arse Over Anne for the varsovenia (various spellings) or ditties associated with dances. It is not uusual for dance band musicians to have bawdy titles since the audience cannot hear these 'in jokes'. Anyone have a contribution?


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 12 Mar 08 - 06:19 AM

Lets take these here - Folklore: To the woods, to the woods!


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 12 Mar 08 - 04:07 AM

This the one Billy Rubin

Ting a ling goddam, find a woman if you can,

If you can't find a woman find a clean old man,

If you're ever in Gibralter try a flying fuck at Walter,

Can you do the double shuffle when your balls hand low.
                  ...................
Do your balls hang low, can you heave 'em to and fro,

Can you tie 'em in knot can tie 'em in a bow,

Can you throw 'em o'er your shoulder like a continental soldier,

Can you do the double shuffle when your balls hang low.

From Bawdy Ballads by Ed Cray, marvellous book of rude songs.

eric


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Bert
Date: 12 Mar 08 - 12:33 AM

To be spoken with the low lecherous voice and replied with high pitched voice.


To the woods, to the woods
No! Not the woods, anything but the woods.
ANYTHING!!!
To the Woods, to the woods


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Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: GrannyInWales
Date: 11 Mar 08 - 10:35 PM

Billy Rubin:

I've only ever heard your parody done by Ken Dodd:

Tiddly winks, old man, get a woman if you can, etc


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