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Folklore: To the woods, to the woods!/The Whip!

The Fooles Troupe 12 Mar 08 - 06:16 AM
Bryn Pugh 12 Mar 08 - 07:06 AM
Leadfingers 12 Mar 08 - 10:04 AM
Wyrd Sister 12 Mar 08 - 10:16 AM
Flash Company 12 Mar 08 - 11:06 AM
Bill D 12 Mar 08 - 11:39 AM
GUEST,Hazel 21 Mar 08 - 04:56 AM
The Doctor 21 Mar 08 - 06:06 AM
John MacKenzie 21 Mar 08 - 06:39 AM
Dave Hanson 21 Mar 08 - 06:54 AM
The Fooles Troupe 21 Mar 08 - 07:40 AM
Saro 21 Mar 08 - 09:02 AM
Bill D 21 Mar 08 - 11:47 AM
GUEST,Me 01 Jul 12 - 05:24 PM
GUEST,Tootler 01 Jul 12 - 06:47 PM
GUEST,Frank 02 Jul 12 - 01:55 AM
Georgiansilver 02 Jul 12 - 02:58 AM
Tootler 02 Jul 12 - 05:13 AM
MGM·Lion 02 Jul 12 - 07:26 AM
ChrisJBrady 02 Jul 12 - 07:59 AM
MGM·Lion 02 Jul 12 - 12:25 PM
banjoman 03 Jul 12 - 05:18 AM
Joe Offer 25 Aug 16 - 05:18 PM
Joe Offer 25 Aug 16 - 06:09 PM
Joe_F 25 Aug 16 - 10:05 PM
Joe Offer 25 Aug 16 - 11:15 PM
eftifino 26 Aug 16 - 06:42 AM
Joe_F 26 Aug 16 - 04:30 PM
GUEST,Frustrated Teacher London 28 Oct 16 - 11:18 AM
GUEST,Yanko 22 Sep 17 - 07:41 PM
GUEST,Mike Yates 23 Sep 17 - 05:13 AM
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Subject: Folklore: To the woods, to the woods!
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 12 Mar 08 - 06:16 AM

This was mentioned in Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know.

QUOTE

danensis
Date: 11 Mar 08 - 04:54 PM

In between the songs, does anyone remember a series of running gags that started "To the woods, to the woods"? The next line was "Mummy wouldn't like it" and the response "Mummy isn't getting it". "I'll tell the vicar" "I am the vicar" "I'll tell the bishop then" "O.K. he's in the next bush".... and so on - I can't remember any more.


GrannyInWales
Date: 11 Mar 08 - 05:16 PM

To the woods, to the woods, with the rubber goods...!

Little Girl: But I'm only thirteen!
Vicar: This is no time for superstition
L.G: I'll tell the Vicar
Vicar: I am the Vicar!
L.G.: My mother's not going to like this!
Vicar: Your mother's not going to get it
L.G: Besides, Mummy said I mustn't, the grass is wet and ten pence isn't enough!


Bert
Date: 12 Mar 08 - 12:33 AM

To be spoken with the low lecherous voice and replied with high pitched voice.


To the woods, to the woods
No! Not the woods, anything but the woods.
ANYTHING!!!
To the Woods, to the woods...

UNQUOTE

I remember that these were distinctly different from the "Mummy, Mummy" series, probably late 60s or early 70s.


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Subject: RE: Folklore: To the woods, to the woods!
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 12 Mar 08 - 07:06 AM

I seem to remember

LG You've got a dirty collar.
V I'm a dirty vicar !


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Subject: RE: Folklore: To the woods, to the woods!
From: Leadfingers
Date: 12 Mar 08 - 10:04 AM

After " I AM the Vicar" , I have -"I'll tell the Bishop" and the reply "He's in the next field !


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Subject: RE: Folklore: To the woods, to the woods!
From: Wyrd Sister
Date: 12 Mar 08 - 10:16 AM

After 'I am the vicar':
LG: I'll tell the vicar's son
Vicar: The vicar hasn't got a son - yet


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Subject: RE: Folklore: To the woods, to the woods!
From: Flash Company
Date: 12 Mar 08 - 11:06 AM

To the Woods!
But I want to go to the Pictures!
There are pictures on the wall.
But they don't move!
We'll make them move!

FC


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Subject: RE: Folklore: To the woods, to the woods!
From: Bill D
Date: 12 Mar 08 - 11:39 AM

"Into the woods!"

"Oh, no..not into the woods!"

"INTO THE WOODS!"

"No, I'll scream!"

"Go ahead, scream!"

" eeeeek"

"INTO THE WOODS!"


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Subject: RE: Folklore: To the woods, to the woods!
From: GUEST,Hazel
Date: 21 Mar 08 - 04:56 AM

It's Good Friday today. I woke with that thought in mind and remembered the words:

"But it's Good Friday"

*It's good any day".

Think these are two more of the missing lines from this thread.


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Subject: RE: Folklore: To the woods, to the woods!
From: The Doctor
Date: 21 Mar 08 - 06:06 AM

Also: I'll tell the canon - We've fired the canon
       I'll tell the bishop - The bishop's coming later
       I'm in the family way - You're in everybody's way

The 'mummy, mummy' jokes were quite different, a long series of two-liners such as: Mummy, mummy, what's a vampire?
                     Shut up and drink your soup before it clots.
                     Mummy, mummy, can I go and play with grandpa?
                     No dear, you've dug him up twice this week already.
                     Mummy, mummy, I'm sixteen, can I wear a bra like all my friends?
                     Shut up, Henry.


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Subject: RE: Folklore: To the woods, to the woods!
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 21 Mar 08 - 06:39 AM

That reminds me

1st voice-
Who shall carry the banner?
2nd voice-
Sister Anna shall carry the banner
Sister Anna-
But I can't carry the banner
1st voice-
Why can't you carry the banner?
Sister Anna-
I'm in the family way.
1st voice-
You're in everybody's ****ing way; carry the banner!
Sister Anna-
What about my baby?
1st voice-
**** your baby
Sister Anna-
You wouldn't **** my baby!
1st voice-
I'd **** a fly
Sister Anna-
Oh you fly ****er!

Yes I know it's tasteless, but I learned it before taste was invented.

G ¦¬]


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Subject: RE: Folklore: To the woods, to the woods!
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 21 Mar 08 - 06:54 AM

Mummy mummy, why am I walking round in circles ?

Be quiet or I'll nail your other foot to the floor as well.

eric


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Subject: RE: Folklore: To the woods, to the woods!
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 21 Mar 08 - 07:40 AM

Noo!

BACK TO THE WOODS!    :-)


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Subject: RE: Folklore: To the woods, to the woods!
From: Saro
Date: 21 Mar 08 - 09:02 AM

This brings back fond memories of my Dad!   I think my mother must have thought I was too young to get the point, as she normally dragged me away if he started on any rhymes or songs!!
Saro


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Subject: RE: Folklore: To the woods, to the woods!
From: Bill D
Date: 21 Mar 08 - 11:47 AM

"Who will go for the midnight mail?"
"I'll go for the midnight mail!'
"But, what about the Indians?"
"F*** the Indians!"
"You'd f*** an Indian?"
"I'd f*** a chicken!"
"Fowl f*****!"

learned about 1965, from a dearly departed friend. I see there is a school-specific version on this tasteless site


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Subject: RE: Folklore: To the woods, to the woods!
From: GUEST,Me
Date: 01 Jul 12 - 05:24 PM

A Compilation of the above:
Vicar:               "To the woods, to the woods with the rubber goods".
Little Girl:        "But I'm only thirteen!"
Vicar:               "I'm not superstitious"
Vicar:               "To the Woods, To the woods!"

Little Girl:        "I'll tell the Vicar"
Vicar:               "I am the Vicar!"
Little Girl:        "But you've got a dirty collar."
Vicar:               "I'm a dirty vicar!"
Vicar:               "To the Woods, To the woods!"

Little Girl:        "I'll tell the vicar's son"
Vicar:               "The vicar hasn't got a son – yet!"
Vicar:               "To the Woods, To the woods!"

Little Girl:        "But I want to go to the Pictures!
Vicar:               "There are pictures on the wall.
Little Girl:        "But they don't move!
Vicar:               "We'll make them move!
Vicar:               "To the Woods, To the woods!

Little Girl:         "No not in the woods I'll scream!"
Vicar:               "Go ahead and, scream!"
Little Girl:        "eeeeek"
Vicar:               "To the Woods, To the woods!"

Little Girl:        "But it's Good Friday"
Vicar:               "It's good any day".
Little Girl:        "I'll tell the canon"
Vicar:"We've fired the canon
Little Girl:        I'll tell the bishop
Vicar:        The bishop's coming later

Little Girl:        I'm in the family way
Vicar:        You're in everybody's way
Vicar:        To the Woods, To the woods!

Little Girl:        My mother's not going to like it
Vicar:        Your mother's not going to get it
Little Girl:        Mummy said the grass is wet and ten pence isn't enough!
Vicar:        To the woods, to the woods

Little Girl:        No! Not the woods, anything but the woods.
Vicar:        ANYTHING???
Little Girl:        To the Woods, To the woods!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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Subject: RE: Folklore: To the woods, to thae woods!
From: GUEST,Tootler
Date: 01 Jul 12 - 06:47 PM

To the woods, to the woods fair damson.
But a damson is something in a jam!
You're not out of the woods yet!


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Subject: RE: Folklore: To the woods, to the woods!
From: GUEST,Frank
Date: 02 Jul 12 - 01:55 AM

Mummy, Mummy, I Don't like Grandma.
Well push Her to the side of your plate and eat the rest of your dinner!

Mummy, Mummy, when will we see Grandma again?
Shut-up and keep digging.


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Subject: RE: Folklore: To the woods, to the woods!
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 02 Jul 12 - 02:58 AM

Mummy Mummy can I lick the bowl please?... NO! Pull the flush like everyone else!
Mummy Mummy I hate my sisters guts!.. Shut up and eat what you're given!
Mummy Mummy daddy's gone out again!... Well pour some more paraffin on him dear!


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Subject: RE: Folklore: To the woods, to the woods!
From: Tootler
Date: 02 Jul 12 - 05:13 AM

Mummy, Mummy, why's Daddy running away?
Shut up and keep shooting!


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Subject: RE: Folklore: To the woods, to the woods!
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 02 Jul 12 - 07:26 AM

The 'damson in a jam' variant I first heard from Jimmy Edwards & Joy Nichols in that fine old radio comedy prog Take It From Here [late 1940s], scripted by Frank Muir & Denis Norden. Was it original to them and has passed into folklore, or were they recycling an old bit of "To the woods" type dialogue, I wonder?

~M~


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Subject: RE: Folklore: To the woods, to the woods!
From: ChrisJBrady
Date: 02 Jul 12 - 07:59 AM

I heard this at a YHA tramping weekend in the 1960s - for some reason I still remember it:

Little girl reciting Shakespeare: I know a bank where the wild thyme grows ...
Teacher: To the woods!!

Now in 2012 I know that it comes from a long line of similar jokes. But where does "to the woods" come from? What was the original joke?


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Subject: RE: Folklore: To the woods, to the woods!
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 02 Jul 12 - 12:25 PM

A variant of this sort of dialogue joke of the Mummy-Mummy ~ to-the-woods genre that I recall [tho perhaps it should go on the joke thread], went ~~

Where are you?

I'm hiding.

Where are you?

You won't find me.

I'll fuck you when I find you.

I'm in the cupboard!

~M~


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Subject: RE: Folklore: To the woods, to the woods!
From: banjoman
Date: 03 Jul 12 - 05:18 AM

The Whip The Whip

Oh no not the whip - anything but the Whip

Anything?

The whip the whip


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Subject: ADD: To the woods, to the woods!
From: Joe Offer
Date: 25 Aug 16 - 05:18 PM

Other version:

Thread #109310   Message #2489177
Posted By: Uncle_DaveO
09-Nov-08 - 02:24 PM
Thread Name: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know

"Into the woods!"

"NO!"

"Into the woods!"

"PLEASE, NO!!"

"Into the woods!"

"I'LL SCREAM!!!!!"

"How loud can you scream?"

"ahh!"

"INTO THE WOODS!!!"


Thread #109310   Message #2488075
Posted By: Joe_F
07-Nov-08 - 08:24 PM
Thread Name: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know

Don Firth: Aliter:

The whip! The whip!
No! No! Not the whip!
The whip! The whip!
No! No! Anything but the whip!
Anything?
The whip! The whip!


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Subject: RE: Folklore: To the woods, to the woods!/The Whip!
From: Joe Offer
Date: 25 Aug 16 - 06:09 PM

Banjoman and Joe_F posted their versions of "The Whip!" I got an email asking about this one. Can you answer?
    Hi Joe,
    While doing a search for something in my head from the 80's which was
    The whip!
    Oh no, not the whip, etc etc

    The search turned up your site with everything I remembered from the bit but I don't know how to ask who posted it and if they found out who did it other than to join, so I'd like to join to get this thing tracked down and stop my wife from thinking I'm crazy or having false memories or something.
    Thanks,
    Brian


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Subject: RE: Folklore: To the woods, to the woods!/The Whip!
From: Joe_F
Date: 25 Aug 16 - 10:05 PM

I'm sorry, but I don't understand the question. "Join" what?

I believe I heard that version of "The Whip!" back in the '60s.


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Subject: RE: Folklore: To the woods, to the woods!/The Whip!
From: Joe Offer
Date: 25 Aug 16 - 11:15 PM

Oh, Joe - he thought he needed to join Mudcat to get his question answered.

What context did you hear "The Whip" in? Was it sung? Recited by an individual or by a group? Was it part of a story? How do you think this piece is intended to be used?

-Joe-


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Subject: RE: Folklore: To the woods, to the woods!/The Whip!
From: eftifino
Date: 26 Aug 16 - 06:42 AM

Mammy Mammy why do we have to go to America?   Shut up and keep swimming!


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Subject: RE: Folklore: To the woods, to the woods!/The Whip!
From: Joe_F
Date: 26 Aug 16 - 04:30 PM

Joe Offer: I believe I heard it from somebody who worked in the same office. She recited it. I have never heard it sung. Most of the amusement in it comes from the opportunity to express the sadist's wickedness in his tone of voice.


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Subject: RE: Folklore: To the woods, to the woods!/The Whip!
From: GUEST,Frustrated Teacher London
Date: 28 Oct 16 - 11:18 AM

Hi- I really really want to track this song down! it used to be played by a DJ at a burlesque night in London- ohmygodimissyou and I loved it so much. I cannot find it anywhere online!

Anything but the whip?
Anything...
SCREAMS!

who did a recording? how can it be found!!!


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Subject: RE: Folklore: To the woods, to the woods!/The Whip!
From: GUEST,Yanko
Date: 22 Sep 17 - 07:41 PM

Another version of the male and female exchange is:

Onto the bed and roll over!
No! No!
I said onto the bed and roll and roll over!
I'll be f***ed if I roll over.
You'll be cornholed if you don't!

I knew the "nail your other foot" type jokes as little Johnny jokes.

Mrs. Jones, can little Johnny come out and play baseball with us?
Now you know little Johnny has no arms or legs.
That's OK. We want to use him for first base.

Mrs. Jones, can little Johnny come out and play tag with us?
Now you know he has leprosy.
OK, so can we come in and watch him rot?

Where did you get that iron pipe?
From little Johnny's iron lung.
What did he say?
Uuuu

And the cruelty jokes go on and on, a way to handle the worst that life can fling at us by making it lighthearted.


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Subject: RE: Folklore: To the woods, to the woods!/The Whip!
From: GUEST,Mike Yates
Date: 23 Sep 17 - 05:13 AM

I seem to recall that when I was at school (some sixty years ago) we included the following variation, which does not seem to have been mentioned:

I'll tell the canon - balls to the canon.


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