Lyr Add: Songs (parodies) by Allan Sherman

Subject: Lyr Add: SHTICKS OF ONE AND HALF...(Allan Sherman)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 13 Apr 08 - 11:55 PM

I had the opportunity to transcribe this, so I took it:


SHTICKS OF ONE AND HALF A DOZEN OF THE OTHER (A medley)
Allan Sherman
As recorded by Allan Sherman on "My Son, the Celebrity" (1963)

[Tune: Molly Malone]
She wheels her wheelbarrow
Through streets that are narrow,
Her barrow is narrow, her hips are too wide.
So wherever she wheels it,
The neighborhood feels it,
Her girdle keeps scraping the homes on each side.

In Dublin's fair city,
Where girls are so pretty,
My Molly stands out 'cause she weighs 18 stone.
(That's 256 pounds.)
I don't mind her fat--but,
It's not only that--but,
She's cockeyed and muscle-bound, Molly Malone.

[Tune: Auld Lang Syne]
I know a man, his name is Lang, and he has a neon sign,
And Mr. Lang is very old, so they call it Old Lang's Sign.

[Tune: Billy Boy]
Oh, what have you done, Billy Sol, Billy Sol?
Oh, what have you done, charming Billy?
You took almost ev'ry cent from the U S government,
Which you spent on fertilizer, which is silly.

[Tune: Marianne]
All day, all night, Cary Grant.
That's all I hear from my wife, is Cary Grant.
What can he do that I can't?
Big deal, big star, Cary Grant.

[Tune: On the Banks of the Wabash Far Away]
Oh, the moon is bright tonight upon the carwash,
So I'm having my Volkswagen washed again.
But the way things go with me, the way my luck runs,
Just as soon as they're finished, it will rain.

[Tune: On Top of Old Smokey]
On top of Old Smokey, all covered with hair—
Of course, I'm referring to Smokey the Bear.

[Tune: Aura Lee]
Ev'ry time you take vaccine, take it orally.
As you know, the other way is more painfully.

[Tune: Grandfather's Clock]
My grandfather's clock was the best ever made by the Timex Company.
Just like the clock John Cam'ron Swayze displayed last night on the old TV.
Oh, it works under water so perfectly, and it still makes a ticking sound,
Which my grandfather tried only this afternoon, and that's how the old man drowned.

[Tune: Comin' Thro' the Rye]
Do not make a stingy sandwich. Pile the cold cuts high.
Customers should see salami coming through the rye.

[Tune: Polly Wolly Doodle]
Oh, I diet all day and I diet all night.
It's enough to drive me bats.
Got no gravy or potatoes
'Cause the whole refrigerator's
Full of polyunsaturated fats.
Fare thee well, Metrecal, and the others of that ilk.
Let the diet start tomorrow,
'Cause tonight I'll drown my sorrow
In a double malted milk.

[Tune: Down by the Riverside]
When you go to the delicatessen store,
Don't buy the liverwurst.
Don't buy the liverwurst.
Don't buy the liverwurst.
I'll repeat what I just said before:
Don't buy the liverwurst.
Don't buy the liverwurst.

Oh, buy the corned beef if you must,
The pickled herring you can trust,
And the lox puts you in orbit, A-OK.
But that big hunk of liverwurst
Has been there since October first
And today is the twenty-third of May.

So when you go to the delicatessen store,
Don't buy the liverwurst.
Don't buy the liverwurst.
Don't buy the liverwurst.
It'll make your insides awful sore.
Don't buy the liverwurst.
Don't buy the liverwurst.

Subject: Lyr Add: SARAH JACKMAN (Allan Sherman)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 03 Mar 20 - 07:22 PM

You can hear this recording at YouTube:

SARAH JACKMAN*
Words, Allan Sherman; music, trad. "Frère Jacques".
As recorded by Allan Sherman with Christine Nelson on "My Son, the Folk Singer", 1962.

[Sound of a phone ringing.]
[Spoken:] [Female voice:] Hello?
[Male voice:] Is this 418-9749?
[F:] Speaking.
[M:] Sarah?
[F:] Yeah.

[Sung:] [M:] Sarah Jackman*, Sarah Jackman,
How's by you? How's by you?
How's by you the family? How's your sister Emily?
[F:] She's nice too.
[M:] She's nice too.

[F:] Jerry Bachman, Jerry Bachman,
So, what's new? So, what's new?
[M:] Whatcha doing, Sarah?
[F:] Reading John O'Hara.
[M:] He's nice too.
[F:] He's nice too.

[M:] Sarah Jackman, Sarah Jackman,
How's by you? How's by you?
How's your brother Bernie?
[F:] He's a big attorney.
[M:] How's your sister Doris?
[F:] Still with William Morris.
[M:] How's your cousin Shirley?
[F:] She got married early.
[M:] How's her daughter Esther?
[F:] Skipped a whole semester.
[M:] How's your brother Bentley?
[F:] Feeling better ment'lly.
[M:] How's your cousin Ida?
[F:] She's a Freedom Rider.
[M:] What's with uncle Sidney?
[F:] They took out a kidney.
[M:] How's your sister Norma?
[F:] She's a non-conformer.
[M:] How's your cousin Lena?
[F:] Moved to Pasadena.
[M:] How's your uncle Nathan?
[F:] Him I got no faith in.
[M:] I ain't heard from Sonia.
[F:] I'll get her to phone ya.
[M:] How's her daughter Rita?
[F:] A regular Lolita.
[M:] How's your cousin Manny?
[F:] Signed up with Vic Tanny.
[M:] How's your nephew Seymour?
[F:] Seymour joined the Peace Corps.
[M:] He's nice too. He's nice too.

[The following two verses overlap, as in a round:]
[M:] Sarah Jackman, Sarah Jackman,
How's by you? How's by you?
Give regards to Hi, now. Gotta say goodbye, now
Toodle-oo. Toodle-oo,

[F:] Jerry Bachman, Jerry Bachman,
How's by you? How's by you?
Give regards to Moe, now. Well, I gotta go now.

[Both:] Toodle-oo. Toodle-oo,
Toodle-oo,


* The name in the title is spelled "Jackman" but Allan Sherman pronounces it more like "Jockman."

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs (parodies) by Allan Sherman
From: BrooklynJay
Date: 03 Mar 20 - 08:09 PM

Here's one of my favorites, transcribed from the album My Son, the Folksinger. Remember, he sang it in a sort of modified Jewish dialect (which came and went throughout the recording):

The Streets of Miami

As I wandered out on the streets of Miami,
I said to mineself, this is some fancy town.
I called up mine partner and said, “Hello, Sammy;
“Go pack up your satchel and mosey on down.”

I got me a bunk in the old Roney Plaza,
With breakfast and dinner included, of course;
I caught forty winks on mine private piazza,
Then I rented a pinto from Hertz Rent-a-Horse.
(He rented a pinto from Hertz Rent-a-Horse.)

My partner flew down on a non-scheduled airline;
You never did see such a pale-looking man.
I recognized him from his receding hairline,
He recognized me from mine beautiful tan.

‘Twas then that I heard fighting words from mine partner.
He said, “Marvin, the Roney is no place to stay;
“I'm going to the Fontainebleau, pardner, it’s mod’ner,
“And I’ll charge to the firm sixty dollars a day!”
(He'll charge to the firm sixty dollars a day.)

I said to him, “Paleface, you hanker for trouble;
“With the company checkbook you quick on the draw.”
He smiled and said, “Stranger, for me that goes double,
“’Cause west of the Fontainebleau, I am the law!”

Next morning, the whole Lincoln Road was deserted,        
And somewhere a hi-fi was playing a tune;
‘Cause everyone knew someone’s gonna be murdered,
In a Duel in the Sun on the stroke of High Noon.
(A Duel in the Sun at the stroke of High Noon.)

I took careful aim with mine trusty revolver;
The clock in the Fontainebleau struck twelve o’clock.
I shot, and Sam crumbled just like a piece Halvah,
And that’s what they call a Bad Day at Black Rock.

They came with a posse and took mine six-gun away;
The crowd was too angry to leave me in jail.
The Sheriff said, “Outlaw, I’m gon’ let you run away,
“But don’t ever be seen south of Fort Lauderdale!”

So now I can never go back to Miami,
And New York is so cold that a person could die;
I’d be better off dead like mine late partner Sammy,
‘Cause he’s in that big Fontainebleau in the sky!
('Cause he's in that big Fontainebleau in the sky!)

Subject: Lyr Add: SHTICKS AND STONES MEDLEY (Allan Sherman)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 09 Mar 20 - 01:35 PM

SHTICKS AND STONES MEDLEY
As recorded by Allan Sherman on "My Son, the Folk Singer" (1962)

[Tune: "Blue Tail Fly"]
Oh, salesmen come and salesmen go,
And my best one is gone I know,
And if he don't come back to me,
I'll have to close the factory.

Gimme Jack Cohn and I don't care.
Gimme Jack Cohn and I don't care.
Gimme Jack Cohn and I don't care,
But the bastard's gone away.

[Tune: "Jamaica Farewell"]
I'm upside down, my head is turning around,
Because I gotta sell the house in Levittown.

[Tune: "Little David, Play on Your Harp"]
Little David Susskind, shut up.
Please don't talk; please don't talk.
Little David Susskind, me first.
Then you'll talk.

[Tune: "St. James' Infirmary"]
I went down to Mt. Sinai Hospital to see my old zaide there,
And I said, "Thanks God for the Blue Cross and I wish we had the Medicare."

[Tune: "God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen"]
God bless you, Jerry Mendelbaum; let nothing you dismay.
This May you had a rotten month, so what is there to say?
Let's hope next May is better and good things will come your way
And you won't have a feeling of dismay
Next May.

[Tune: "When The Saints Go Marching In"]
Oh, when the paint'ners go marching in,
Oh, when the paint'ners go marching in,
Just make sure they put a dropcloth
When the paint'ners go marching in.

[Tune: "Joshua Fit the Battle of Jericho"]
Jascha got a bottle of Geritol, Geritol, Geritol.
Jascha got a bottle of Geritol
And he knocked a hole in the wall.
That's all.
No wall.

[Tune: "I Will Give My Love an Apple"]
I gave my love a chicken; it had no bone.
I gave my love a cherry; it had no stone.
I gave my love a baby and then, you see,
My love got very angry and she said to me:

"I didn't mind the chicken without the bone.
I didn't mind the cherry without the stone,
But when you give a baby, it's just one thing:
You oughta give at least an engagement ring."

[Tune: Stephen Foster's "De Camptown Races"]
The Catskill ladies sing this song:
Hoo-hah, hoo-hah!
Sittin' on the front porch playin' mahjong
All hoo-hah day.

[Tune: "The Yellow Rose of Texas"]
Oh, I'm Melvin Rose of Texas, and my friends all call me Tex
When I lived in old New Mexico, they used to call me Mex
When I lived in old Kentucky, they called me Old Kentuck
I was born in old Shamokin, which is why they call me Melvin Rose.

[Tune: "Short'nin' Bread"]
Mammy's little baby loves matzoh, matzoh.
Mammy's little baby loves matzoh balls.
Mammy's little baby wants pots and pots o'
Lots and lots o' matzoh balls.

Stole the skillet; stole the led.
Stole a lot o' balls made of Pesach bread.
Stole the chicken out o' the soup,
Stole the pot and made a lot o' chicken soup.

Mammy's little baby loves matzoh, matzoh.
Mammy's little baby loves matzoh balls.
Mammy's little baby wants pots and pots o'
Lots and lots o' matzoh balls.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs (parodies) by Allan Sherman
From: GUEST,jim bainbridge
Date: 10 Mar 20 - 07:16 AM

with Mothers Day fast approaching, what about...

(tune- 'Our love is here to stay')

'It's very clear, your mother's here to stay
Not for a year, but ever and a day
in time the Rockies may crumble, Gibraltar may tumble, but
Your mother's here to stay'

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs (parodies) by Allan Sherman
From: Jacob B
Date: 10 Mar 20 - 05:16 PM

In the parody above of Grandfather's Clock, the word "clock" should actually be "watch", in both places. The lines are poking fun at the Timex Watch commercials which appeared on television very frequently in the 1960s, when the parody was written.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs (parodies) by Allan Sherman
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 29 Jun 20 - 08:56 PM

Jacob B: Your assertion has a certain logic to it, but I assure you, it is not correct. Sherman definitely sings "clock" not "watch" at least in the recording I cited. Maybe there is another recording somewhere in which he sings "watch."

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs (parodies) by Allan Sherman
From: GUEST,Gerry
Date: 29 Jun 20 - 10:33 PM

All the Allan Sherman lyrics you could want are at the Demented Music Database.

Also Tom Lehrer, Weird Al, and much more.

I was all set to sing "Don't Buy the Liverwurst" at the local folk club on the 23rd of May but Covid made other plans. My best friend and I had a tradition of singing it together on that day every year for about 50 years. He's gone now, but I carry on the tradition with my daughter.

18 stone is actually 252 pounds, not 256, but Allan Sherman is allowed a little poetic license.

Subject: ADD: The Bronx Bird Watcher (Alan Sherman)
From: Joe Offer
Date: 22 Nov 21 - 06:52 PM

Thread #77144   Message #1378685
Posted By: Walter Corey
13-Jan-05 - 09:39 PM
Thread Name: Songs about bird watching?
Subject: ADD: The Bronx Bird Watcher (Alan Sherman)

Sorry - hit a wrong key
Allan Sherman wrote a parody to Tit-Willow called "The Bronx Bird Watcher"

The Bronx Bird Watcher
(Alan Sherman)

On a branch of a tree sat a little tomtit,
Singing willow, tit willow, tit willow.
An uncomfortable place for a boidie to sit,
Singing willow, tit willow, tit willow.
So I said to him, "Boidie, why don't you go way?"
He said, "Thanks very much, but I'm planning to stay.
I'm gung sit on that branch for the rest of the day,
Singing willow, tit willow, tit willow."

So I said to him, "Boidie, you look so distraught.
Singing willow, tit willow, tit willow.
You gonna be glad when you'll see what I brought.
A pillow, a pillow, a pillow."
I said, "Boidie, your pardon I humbly would beg.
Put this comfortable pillow right under your leg."
He said, "Leave me alone while I'm laying an egg.
Uh willow, tit willow, tit willow."

That night by the light of a matzoh ball moon,
Singing willow, tit willow, tit willow.
That boidie was singing the same catchy tune.
Willow, tit willow, tit willow.
And I came, and I took him right down from his branch,
And I brought him back home to mine split-level ranch,
And I said to my wife, "Here's a gift for you, Blanche.
He sings 'willow, tit willow, tit willow.'"

Next morning I got up and went to the shop,
Singing willow, tit willow, tit willow.
That tune was so catchy, it just wouldn't stop.
Willow willow willow titty willow willow willow titty willow willow willow willow.
That night I said, "Blanche, how's the bird?" She said, "Well,
The boid was delicious, it tasted just swell.
But as I fricaseed him, he gave out a yell:
'Oi willow, tit willow, tit willow.'"

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs (parodies) by Allan Sherman
From: Joe Offer
Date: 25 Jul 22 - 08:50 PM

SIR GREENBAUM'S MATRIGAL
(Allan Sherman)

In Sherwood Forest
There dwelt a knight
Who was known
As the righteous Sir Greenbaum
And many dragons
Had felt the might
Of the smite
Of the righteous Sir Greenbaum
I chanced upon him one morn
When he'd recently rescued a maiden fair
Why, why art thou so forlorn
Sir Greenbaum, is thy heart heavy laden?
Said he, "Forsooth
'Tis a sorry plight
That engendered my attitude bluish"
Said he, "I don't wanna be a knight
That's no job for a boy who is Jewish"
All day with the mighty sword
And the mighty steed and the mighty lance
All day with that heavy shield
And a pair of aluminum pants
All day with the slaying and slewing
And smiting and smoting like Robin Hood
Oh, wouldst I could kick the habit
And give up smoting for good
And so he said to the other knights,
"You may have my possessions and my goods
For I am moving to Shaker Heights
Where I've got some connections in dry goods
Farewell to the dragon's paw
And the other swashbuckling games and sports
I'll work for my father in law
When I marry Miss Guinevere Schwartz"


Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Allan Sherman / Busch Lou / Lou Busch

Subject: ADD: Shticks and Stones (Allan Sherman)
From: Joe Offer
Date: 14 Jul 23 - 10:21 PM

I hadn't heard this one before, Shticks and Stones:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ODckIDwhW0

SHTICKS AND STONES
(Allan Sherman)

Oh salesmen come and salesmen go
And my best one is gone I know
And if he don't come back to me
I'll have to close the factory

Gimme Jack Cohen and I don't care
Gimme Jack Cohen and I don't care
Gimme Jack Cohen and I don't care
But the best it's gone away.

I'm upside down, my head is turning around
Because I gotta sell the house in Levittown

Little David Susskind-
Shut up
Please don't talk; please don't talk
Little David Susskind-
Me first
Then you'll talk

I went down to Mt. Sinai - Hospital
To see my old zaydie there
And I said, Thanks God
For the Blue Cross
And I wish we had the Medicare

God bless you, Jerry Mendelbaum
Let nothing you dismay
This May you had a rotten month
So what is there to say
Let's hope next May is better
And good things will come your way
And you won't have a feeling of dismay
Next May

Oh when the paint'ners
Go marching in
Oh when the paint'ners
Go marching in
Just make sure they put a dropcloth
When the paint'ners go marching in

Yasha got a bottle of Geritol
Geritol, Geritol
Yasha got a bottle of geritol
And he knocked a whole in the wall
That's all
No wall

I gave my love a chicken
It had no bone
I gave my love a cherry
It had no stone
I gave my love a baby
And then, you see
My love got very angry and she said to me
I didn't mind the chicken
Without the bone
I didn't mind the cherry
Without the stone
But when you give a baby
It's just one thing
You oughta give at least
An engagement ring

The Catskill ladies sing this song
Hoo-hah, Hoo-hah,
Sitting on the front porch playing Mah-Jongg
All hoo-hah day

Oh I'm Melvin Rose of Texas
And my friends all call me Tex
When I lived in old New Mexico
They used to call me Mex

When I lived in old Kentucky
They called me Old Kentuck
I was born in old Shamokin
Which is why they call me Melvin Rose

Mammy's little baby loves matzoh, matzoh
Mammy's little baby loves matzoh balls
Mammy's little baby wants pots and pots of
Lots and lots of matzoh balls

Stole the skillet
Stole the lead
Stole a lotta balls
Made of Pesach bread
Stole the chicken
Out of the soup
Stole the pot
And made a lot of chicken soup

Mammy's little baby loves matzoh, matzoh
Mammy's little baby loves matzoh balls
Mammy's little baby wants pots and pots of
Lots and lots of mat-zoh - oh! - balls


Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Allan Sherman / Lou Busch

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ODckIDwhW0

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs (parodies) by Allan Sherman
From: robomatic
Date: 14 Jul 23 - 11:12 PM

Funny how on the way over to the laptop I was thinking over Allan Sherman's version of "Night and Day". He sang it straight, but included all the punctuation including an asterix.

Subject: ADD: Shticks and Stones (Allan Sherman)
From: Joe Offer
Date: 15 Jul 23 - 01:21 AM

SHTICKS AND STONES
(Allan Sherman)

Oh salesmen come and salesmen go (Blue Tail Fly)
And my best one is gone I know
And if he don't come back to me
I'll have to close the factory

Gimme Jack Cohen and I don't care
Gimme Jack Cohen and I don't care
Gimme Jack Cohen and I don't care
But the best it's gone away.

I'm upside down, my head is turning around (Jamaica Farewell)
Because I gotta sell the house in Levittown

Little David Susskind- (Little David Play on Your Harp)
Shut up
Please don't talk; please don't talk
Little David Susskind-
Me first
Then you'll talk

I went down to Mt. Sinai - Hospital (St. James Infirmary)
To see my old zaydie there
And I said, Thanks God
For the Blue Cross
And I wish we had the Medicare

God bless you, Jerry Mendelbaum (God Bless You Merry, Gentlemen)
Let nothing you dismay
This May you had a rotten month
So what is there to say
Let's hope next May is better
And good things will come your way
And you won't have a feeling of dismay
Next May

Oh when the paint'ners (When the Saints Go Marching In)
Go marching in
Oh when the paint'ners
Go marching in
Just make sure they put a dropcloth
When the paint'ners go marching in

Yasha got a bottle of Geritol (Joshua Fit the Battle of Jericho)
Geritol, Geritol
Yasha got a bottle of geritol
And he knocked a whole in the wall
That's all
No wall

I gave my love a chicken (Riddle Song)
It had no bone
I gave my love a cherry
It had no stone
I gave my love a baby
And then, you see
My love got very angry and she said to me
I didn't mind the chicken
Without the bone
I didn't mind the cherry
Without the stone
But when you give a baby
It's just one thing
You oughta give at least
An engagement ring

The Catskill ladies sing this song (Camptown Ladies)
Hoo-hah, Hoo-hah,
Sitting on the front porch playing Mah-Jongg
All hoo-hah day

Oh I'm Melvin Rose of Texas (Yellow Rose of Texas)
And my friends all call me Tex
When I lived in old New Mexico
They used to call me Mex

When I lived in old Kentucky
They called me Old Kentuck
I was born in old Shamokin
Which is why they call me Melvin Rose

Mammy's little baby loves matzoh, matzoh (Shortnin' Bread)
Mammy's little baby loves matzoh balls
Mammy's little baby wants pots and pots of
Lots and lots of matzoh balls

Stole the skillet
Stole the lead
Stole a lotta balls
Made of Pesach bread
Stole the chicken
Out of the soup
Stole the pot
And made a lot of chicken soup

Mammy's little baby loves matzoh, matzoh
Mammy's little baby loves matzoh balls
Mammy's little baby wants pots and pots of
Lots and lots of mat-zoh - oh! - balls


Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Allan Sherman / Lou Busch

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ODckIDwhW0

With help from https://secondhandsongs.com/performance/868462/all

Oh, and there's Shticks of One and Half a Dozen of the Other https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eb9ts1LJoSc

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs (parodies) by Allan Sherman
From: GerryM
Date: 15 Jul 23 - 01:32 AM

If you like your comedy with punctuation, then Victor Borge's your man. https://youtu.be/TIf3IfHCoiE

Subject: ADD: Shticks of One and Half a Dozen of the Other
From: Joe Offer
Date: 15 Jul 23 - 01:42 AM

SHTICKS OF ONE AND HALF A DOZEN OF THE OTHER
(Allan Sherman)

She wheels her wheelbarrow
Through streets that are narrow,
Her barrow is narrow, her hips are too wide
So wherever she wheels it,
The neighborhood feels it,
Her girdle keeps scraping the homes on each side
In Dublin's fair city,
Where girls are so pretty,
My Molly stands out 'cause she weighs eighteen stone
(That's two hundreds fifty six pounds)
I don't mind her fat but,
It's not only that but,
She's cockeyed and muscle-bound, Molly Malone

I know a man, his name is Lang,
And he has a neon sign
And Mister Lang is very old,
So they call it Old Lang's Sign

Oh what have you done, Billy Sol, Billy Sol
Oh what have you done, charming Billy
You took almost every cent
From the US Government,
Which you spent on fertilizer, which is silly

All day, all night, Cary Grant
That's all I hear from my wife, is Cary Grant
What can he do that I can't?
Big deal, big star, Cary Grant

Oh the moon is bright tonight upon the car wash
So I'm having my Volkswagen washed again
But the way things go with me, the way my luck is,
Just as soon as they're finished, it will rain

On top of Old Smokey,
All covered with hair,
Of course I'm referring
To Smokey The Bear

Every time you take vaccine,
Take it orally
As you know the other way
Is more painfully

My grandfather's clock was the best ever made
By the Timex company
Just like the clock John Cameron Swayze displayed
Last night on the old TV

Oh it works under water so perfectly,
And still makes a ticking sound
Which my grandfather tried only this afternoon,
And that's how the old man drowned

Do not make a stingy sandwich
Pile the cold cuts high
Customers should see salami
Coming through the rye

Oh I diet all day and I diet all night,
It's enough to drive me bats
Got no gravy or potatoes,
'Cause the whole refrigerator's
Fulla polyunsaturated fats

Fare thee well, Metrecal,
And the others of that ilk
Let the diet start tomorrow,
'Cause today I'll drown my sorrow
In a double malted milk

When you go to the delicatessen store,
Don't buy the liverwurst
Don't buy the liverwurst
Don't buy the liverwurst
I repeat what I just said before,
Don't buy the liverwurst
Don't buy the liverwurst

Oh buy the corned beef if you must,
The pickled herring you can trust,
And the lox puts you in orbit AOK
But that big hunk of liverwurst
Has been there since October First,
And today is the Twenty-Third of May

So when you go to the delicatessen store,
Don't buy the liverwurst
Don't buy the liverwurst
Don't buy the liverwurst
It'll make your insides awful sore
Don't buy the liverwurst
Don't buy the liverwurst



Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Sherman Busch

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eb9ts1LJoSc