'What is the difference between a duck?'

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 01 Mar 09 - 03:27 PM

Why is the sun round?

So it can shine in all directions.

So a chicken and an egg are in bed, the chicken is enjoying a post coital cigarette and the egg says rather frustratedly.

"Well I guess that answers that question."

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Don Firth
Date: 01 Mar 09 - 01:58 PM

So I hear that the Folk Store in Seattle gets a new order of Generation penny whistles. The Generations come in both brass and nickel plated. The nickel plated ones are a bit more expensive.

I walk into the shop and I say, "Do you have any penny whistles?"

The proprietor says, "Uh—yes, but all I have are nickel ones."

Momentarily confused by his response, I ask, "Do you have any for a dime?"

It wasn't quite up to Abbott and Costello's "Who's on first?" but the other patrons in the shop thought it was pretty funny.

Don Firth

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: JHW
Date: 01 Mar 09 - 12:39 PM

Find out at Saltholme, Seal Sands, Teesside at the new RSPB Reserve, free all March 09.
There's lots of them, and most of them are different.

www.rspb.org.uk/reserves

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: TIA
Date: 01 May 08 - 11:16 AM

Jim: Thaks for the link. Great book cover - I haven't seen it in years (buried in my Father's attic I think). Nice site. Thanks. I started the banjo way back when because Churchy Turtle played one.

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Bill D
Date: 01 May 08 - 09:54 AM

If a hen & a half could lay an egg & a half in a day & a half, how long would it take a cross-eyed grasshopper with a wooden leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle?

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,Pete
Date: 01 May 08 - 07:10 AM

I can't believe I've read the whole thread and not come across
How many beans make five?

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 01 May 08 - 02:49 AM

"We used to call these "pointless jokes"."

We called them 'surreal' jokes...

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: frogprince
Date: 30 Apr 08 - 03:01 PM

Thirty days hath September, April, June, and November; all the rest have thirty-one, except Granny, she rides a red, white and blue bicycle.

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: clueless don
Date: 30 Apr 08 - 09:19 AM

One I remember from my childhood:

Q: Why do birds fly?

A: Because it takes twelve pancakes to cover the top of a doghouse.


We used to call these "pointless jokes".

Don

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 29 Apr 08 - 08:58 PM

Vyisdere asmeni orsis arsis asderis orsis?

cosderis wunars perors.


Don T.

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST
Date: 29 Apr 08 - 02:48 PM

Sorry TIA. Try this: http://www.banjohangout.org/myhangout/photos2.asp?id=17973&photoID=32971&albumid=0

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,Jim
Date: 29 Apr 08 - 02:46 PM

GUEST:TIA

Check out: http://www.banjohangout.org/myhangout/photos2.asp?id=17973&photoID=32971&albumid=0

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: NightWing
Date: 28 Apr 08 - 11:06 PM

Why is there air?










Because the sky is blue

[I know that Bill Cosby had a different answer. This one is RIGHT!!

BB,
NightWing

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,TIA
Date: 28 Apr 08 - 10:42 PM

Walt Kelley said "we have met the enemy, and they is us"

Okay, Pogo said it.

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 28 Apr 08 - 07:28 PM

As George Mikes pointed out, the English have hot water bottles....

Kitty

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,Chief Chaos
Date: 28 Apr 08 - 06:50 PM

I believe Chico said:

"Viaduct?
Vhy not a chicken?"

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 28 Apr 08 - 06:35 PM

Wouldn't be much point in asking me to fertilise a pasture either, Uncle Dave

LOL
Don T.

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,Zeke
Date: 28 Apr 08 - 06:28 PM

"it takes a heap of homing to make a pigeon-toed"

"An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys."

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,Jim
Date: 28 Apr 08 - 06:24 PM

A wet bird never flies at night.

Where did that come from? Was it Walt Kelly?

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Mr Red
Date: 28 Apr 08 - 06:03 PM

Now Now children.

As they they say (they who don't like labels) I hate labels.

As George Mikes said (in a rather Eastern European accent) - I don't live here because I like Brittain, I live here because I love it.

Actually there are Americans and there are immigrants.

Now I will run for cover...........

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 28 Apr 08 - 11:02 AM

No Tom, the term African American, refers to the ethnic origins of the person involved, and can be applied to any American born black person, of African descent.

G

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 28 Apr 08 - 10:59 AM

Okay!
I give up!
What's the difference???
Quack!
GtD.

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: goatfell
Date: 28 Apr 08 - 10:58 AM

you are only african american if you were born in Africa and then moved to America but if you're born in America then you're American not matter what colour of skin you have or anything like that.

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: JHW
Date: 28 Apr 08 - 10:55 AM

Neither of them

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: jeffp
Date: 28 Apr 08 - 09:39 AM

Marlon Perkins didn't always let Jim do all the work. There is a classic clip (yes, I've seen it) of Marlon Perkins wrestling with an anaconda. The snake very nearly got the better of him too. Perkins was almost drowned in the struggle.

Subject: RE: 'What is the daffy-rinse inbetween a duck?'
From: Severn
Date: 28 Apr 08 - 08:56 AM

Actually, Slag, the ones they had to watch out for were the Bi-Polar bears. They could cop an attitude on you at any moment.

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Mr Red
Date: 28 Apr 08 - 08:12 AM

What's the difference between a duck?

One is mallard-justed


Two birds on a perch and one says

I keep thinking it is Tuesday

(and can you smell fish)

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,Desert Dancer on astro's machine
Date: 28 Apr 08 - 12:44 AM

I recall the genre from New England in the '70's... but I can't remember any examples... it was the 70's...

astro says... "What were the 70's?"

~ Becky in LA

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Slag
Date: 27 Apr 08 - 11:46 PM

Marvin? Marlon? What's a couple of letters among friends. I hope it doesn't bring the veracity of the other statements under consideration. Nonetheless after said incident it was always Jim from then on. They moved on from Polar Bears to Polar Cows. They later located in Antartica to study those South Polar Ants. Their tunneling is said to be responsible for over 50% of the avalanches on that continent. With penguins soaring over head and Walrii nipping at their heels Marlon and Jim turned out several good documentaries in that region.

Is it Saturday yet?

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,TIA
Date: 27 Apr 08 - 09:59 PM

Is it hotter in the summer or in the city?

Do you walk to school or carry your lunch?

Are bears Catholic? Does the Pope...never mind.

How much wood would a woodchuck.........?

Subject: RE:We'll split the difference between a duck
From: Severn
Date: 27 Apr 08 - 09:34 PM

The narrator/host of Zoo Parade when I was a kid and Mutual Of Omaha's Wild Kingdom much later was MARLON Perkins.

His ad lead-ins were always quite classic, things along the lines of, "The mother lion sleeps on a limb. If you find yourself out on a limb, Mutual Of Omaha....." that were almost as good as the questions that inspired this thread. Not quite. Too logical, but not by much.

And Mr.Perkins would have been hiding behind a rock and letting his assistant Jim plant the radio, bell the cat or whatever grunt work was required, as poor frail Marlon always looked like he would weigh 75 pounds soaking wet.

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: quokka
Date: 27 Apr 08 - 09:15 PM

Why don't motorbikes have windscreen wipers?

Because icecream has no bones.

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 27 Apr 08 - 09:11 PM

Don, I guess I won't send YOU for a bucket of drinking water!

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 27 Apr 08 - 08:35 PM

"What's the difference between a pump handle and a cow's tail?"


Sheeee-it! I dunno.

Don T.

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Slag
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 08:46 PM

Real estate Robyn, location, location, location!

And what Mrs. P Bear really said was "No hope, money; away I go!"

I checked with the FCC and the last amateur license granted to a Polar Bear was in '41 and the last commercial license lapsed in '49 in Alaskan Territory. Since statehood Marvin Perkins obtained licenses for tracking radios for Polar Bears. One of the last things Perkins was heard to utter in his normally deep, basso profundo voice was "Now where can I stick this thing so he can't readily take it off?" It was about a year later, after his release from Cedars of Lebanon/ Mt. Sinai Hospital that he became spokesman for Mutual of Omaha.

Considering the foregoing it most certainly had to have been an RCMP who pulled said bear over in the first place. What context there may have been for the bear's comment, I cannot imagine.

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 08:45 PM

In the famous words of Ronald Reagan, "Umm...what was the question?".

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Little Robyn
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 08:05 PM

What's the difference between an anal thermometer and an oral thermometer?








The taste!

Robyn

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Bill D
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 06:31 PM

Those are POLAR bears...

The original was "Did you hear about the Polar bear who came up out of the hole in the ice and said "Radio"?"

The version I hear of the other was "A polar bear was taking a shower, and called his wife.."Hey, will you hand ne the soap?" "No soap, honey...radio!"

A polar bear is driving in his little red sports car, when he's pulled over by a police car. The officer says,"Let me see your license." "No license, Officer...radio!"

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Slag
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 05:35 PM

Ok, tell me when to stop...That really quacks me up! Feather you and not me. Duck Soup (with quackers)! Do you know how to get down of an elephant? You don't! You get down off a duck! I'm winging it! Why would a duck beg when he's got a bill? Was that a teal of laughter? I thot not. DUCK! Opps too late. Well, it looks like it's time for me to migrate. "... or did you just step on a duck?" Dr. Mallard? He's a quack. Wanna buy a duck? Be kind to your web-footed friends, for a duck may be somebody'd MAWWWW-ther...

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,lox
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 05:03 PM

Why is a horse when he trots

Because God save Ireland!



Two bears in a bath

One says "pass me the soap"

The other says " I can't because its RAY-DEE-OH ... ;-)

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,Jim
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 03:24 PM

I just emailed my brother BOB to ask him where we'd heard the riddle:
Q-What's the difference between a duck?
A-One leg is both the same.

He sent back this:

Q-What's the difference between a duck?
A-Jeez and quackers

I seem to recall Mom and Dad came home from a "couples' club" at Binkley Church, and someone (maybe Bob Cruikshanks) had told that joke, and it hit the spot with them so they repeated it numerous times (laughing or at least smiling every time) and, alas, it became part of our family folklore.
The eggplant grunch was definitely from Mad Magazine, and its incomprehensible logic appealed to you and me (and probably only you and me) in much the same way as "one is both the same" appealed to our parents. And I always remember a Walt Kelly Pogo cartoon that we cut out and had thumbtacked up in our room for years: It was just one selected square of a three square cartoon episode that contained two little bugs, a father and his young son holding his hand, the father enthusiastically pointing with his umbrella at Churchy LaFemme galloping by on all fours like a rabid dog, and the father bug saying, "Behold, Clerlock! There goes a..." and the bored child saying, "Never mind, Pa." It's hard to explain but that was quietly hilarious to us, and I think it still is.

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Slag
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 03:06 PM

In the famous words of Horace Greely "Huh?".

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,Jim
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 11:13 AM

From Mad Magazine in the early sixties:"I've got one grunch but the eggplant over there."
This quote showed up in almost every issue of Mad for a few years.

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Louie Roy
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 10:47 AM

What's the difference between a pump handle and a cow's tail

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 09:34 AM

What do you call a swan with a wooden leg?

Frank.

"Can I have some green soap please."
"Sorry we only have red."
"That's OK. I'm on my bike."

:D

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: bankley
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 08:18 AM

what's the difference between Hillary and Obama ?

not much...

except one's as dark as the inside of a cow with its eyes closed and tail down








and the other is African-American

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 06:55 AM

How do you become an actress?

Sit on the radiator till you're Googie Withers.

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Les in Chorlton
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 04:17 AM

What's the difference betwen a canary?

One leg is yellow and the other is also orange

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 04:12 AM

What is the difference between the Whitehall Theatre and a Public Toilet..........



The Whitehall Theatre is for arts and farces!

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 02:39 AM

What's the difference between a stoat and a weasel
One's weasely recognised and the other's stoatally different

What would you rather bee or a wasp

Jim Carroll
Enough of this silliness - I've got work to do