'What is the difference between a duck?'

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: JHW
Date: 01 Mar 09 - 12:39 PM

Find out at Saltholme, Seal Sands, Teesside at the new RSPB Reserve, free all March 09.
There's lots of them, and most of them are different.

www.rspb.org.uk/reserves

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Don Firth
Date: 01 Mar 09 - 01:58 PM

So I hear that the Folk Store in Seattle gets a new order of Generation penny whistles. The Generations come in both brass and nickel plated. The nickel plated ones are a bit more expensive.

I walk into the shop and I say, "Do you have any penny whistles?"

The proprietor says, "Uh—yes, but all I have are nickel ones."

Momentarily confused by his response, I ask, "Do you have any for a dime?"

It wasn't quite up to Abbott and Costello's "Who's on first?" but the other patrons in the shop thought it was pretty funny.

Don Firth

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 01 Mar 09 - 03:27 PM

Why is the sun round?

So it can shine in all directions.

So a chicken and an egg are in bed, the chicken is enjoying a post coital cigarette and the egg says rather frustratedly.

"Well I guess that answers that question."

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 02 Mar 09 - 01:07 PM

It's impossible to explain surreal humour to a 12yr old, when both are stone cold sober...


LTS

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Don Firth
Date: 02 Mar 09 - 02:46 PM

The late Sixties. I'm at this party when a conversation on Zen-flavored Buddhism breaks out. Someone comes up with the old question, "What's the difference between a duck?" Most of us just chuckled and were prepared to move on when one of the guys there looked very serious and slowly intoned, "Man! That's really deep!"

I think that kept him occupied for the next couple of hours. Or days. Weeks, perhaps?

Oddly enough, beyond a few cigarette smokers, nobody there was smoking anything.

Don Firth

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Gurney
Date: 02 Mar 09 - 03:52 PM

Right, Liz. Get the begger drunk.

Guest Pete, my fathers answer was "one bean, two beans, a bean-and-a-half, and half-a-bean. Didn't understand it then. Don't understand it yet.
I'm too literal-minded to appreciate surreal humour. I like humour.

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Kent Davis
Date: 02 Mar 09 - 11:03 PM

Q. How many pages is a banjo?



A. Red, if elected.



Q. Where is seven?



A. Much less but already later than it will be.

Kent

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Genie
Date: 03 Mar 09 - 03:46 PM

"It's crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide." (From Mad Magazine, IIRC.)


And from my high-school days:

Q: What's the difference between an orange?
A: A turtle, because a vest has no sleeves.


Q: Why is a mouse?
A: Because the farther you go, the much.

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Genie
Date: 03 Mar 09 - 03:49 PM

Severn and Slag, is a bi-polar bear one that swings both ways?

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Genie
Date: 03 Mar 09 - 03:55 PM

Jeff P and Severn, Marlon Perkins had run-ins not only with anacondas but with venomous snakes as well. He was bitten several times by them and on one occasion nearly died from the bite.

OK, now back to the important stuff.

"Compare and contrast Rush Limbaugh."

(Your answers?)

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,Ravenheart
Date: 04 Mar 09 - 09:19 PM

"Compare and contrast Rush Limbaugh."

Silence is Golden.

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,Slag
Date: 05 Mar 09 - 01:00 AM

VT, That chicken should be arrested for clucking with a minor.

I have never encountered a Bi-Polar bear and I don't believe Marlon Perkins OR Marlon Brando ever encountered a wild one.

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,Pete
Date: 05 Mar 09 - 11:13 AM

Gurney. I'm afraid your father was mistaken. It's a bean, a bean, a half a bean, a bean and a half and a bean. Hope that makes things clearer.

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: jeffp
Date: 05 Mar 09 - 11:47 AM

I have now doubt. Marlon was pretty cool. But that anaconda scene reminded me of the old joke, "Get over here and help me let go!"

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,strad
Date: 06 Mar 09 - 11:15 AM

No. it's definitely two beans, a bean and a half, a bean, and half a bean. So there!

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Bill D
Date: 06 Mar 09 - 12:19 PM

"It's crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide."

Genie...I also remembered that from Mad, but I did a search on it a few years ago and found that it makes sense in certain areas of Britain...to those of a certain age. Loosely it means something like 'it's ok to fool or trick a constable/policeman in certain situations' (I forget the exact formulation.)

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Leadfingers
Date: 06 Mar 09 - 01:37 PM

'Its crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide' translates as t   'It is NOT a good idea to bribe a policeman with forged notes '

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Genie
Date: 07 Mar 09 - 12:54 PM

Bill and LF, thanks for the translation.

I'm not really surprised to find it's actual jargon (as opposed to jibberish, which Mad was wont to generate at times).   Shows to go ya that when you don't understand the language it all sounds like nonsense (which Mad did/does like to use as well).

I also realized that the answer I posted to the "mouse" question earlier was wrong. (Senior moment.)

Q: Why is a mouse?
A: Because the faster it runs, the much.

Genie

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,sam
Date: 26 Oct 09 - 02:38 PM

can sum1 explain the why do mice spin in pairs 1?

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 26 Oct 09 - 03:10 PM

I might just get slammed for this.

When is 1954?

How is folk?

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: SharonA
Date: 26 Oct 09 - 03:33 PM

Pedant alert: The man's name was Marlin Perkins. Marlin, Marlin, Marlin. Sheesh.

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 26 Oct 09 - 04:35 PM

My father loved to say to kids: "How big would you be if you was twice as big as half?"

In college, I heard of one alleged exam problem: "Describe the universe and give three examples."

The final exam in phys. ed. was supposed to be: "Extend yourself at arm's length by the hair."

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 26 Oct 09 - 05:08 PM

Q - How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

A - Bathtub full of peanut butter

Linn

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Oct 09 - 09:04 PM

Why a duck?

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: EBarnacle
Date: 26 Oct 09 - 09:30 PM

Actually Chico's pronunciation was "Vy a duck?"

As far as "It's crackers to slip" Translation is closer to "You'd be a total fool [or totally insane] to..."

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GREEN WELLIES
Date: 27 Oct 09 - 04:43 AM

Whats the difference between a Bison and a Buffalo?

Cant wash you hands in a Buffalo.

(Its a Brummie joke)

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 27 Oct 09 - 07:33 AM

Q. How many legs have donkeys?
A. No legs have donkeys.

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 27 Oct 09 - 04:17 PM

It is alleged that Abraham Lincoln used to ask people:

Q. How many legs does a dog have, if you call a tail a leg?

A. Five!

Q. No, four. Calling it a leg doesn't make it a leg.

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Oct 09 - 06:30 PM

The difference between a duck is what the duck wants as opposed to what he actually gets. ;-)

And the same as with humans.

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,Jimmy
Date: 15 May 10 - 12:12 PM

Q - How many apples in a barrel of oranges?

A - A pair

This works better spoken out loud...

At school, we went through a phase of jokes like:

Q - Why did the plane crash?
A - Because the pilot was a tomato...

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: olddude
Date: 15 May 10 - 03:13 PM

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?
Russell

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool

Bob

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Donuel
Date: 15 May 10 - 06:10 PM

Why a Duck?

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: banjoman
Date: 16 May 10 - 07:54 AM

recalled from childhood (first
If it takes a week to walk a fortnight then how long will it take for a spider with no legs to crawl through a pot of Hartley's Jam backwards?

Answer - A lemon

Why a lemon?

Suck it & see

almost as bad as knitting kettles from steel wool as my mother claimed to be able to do

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Bonzo3legs
Date: 16 May 10 - 08:00 AM

Don't let's ask for the moon. We have the stars!

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,KA
Date: 17 Jun 10 - 01:15 PM

What do you call a man with no arms or legs lying by the door?
Mat

What do you call a man with no arms or legs hanging on the wall?
Art

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 17 Jun 10 - 03:03 PM

What is the difference between an elephants arse and a post box?????

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: maple_leaf_boy
Date: 17 Jun 10 - 09:01 PM

Convenience store customer: "Do you sell pencils here?"
Clerk: "No."
Customer: "That's alright, I got a sweatshirt at home."

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Tannywheeler
Date: 17 Jun 10 - 09:23 PM

What fun. But I'm left with my original response: and what?
I want to see the one about the elephant's arse & the postbox...Tw
( I know, I'm too nerdy...)

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: robomatic
Date: 17 Jun 10 - 10:05 PM

Q: How long is a piece of string?


Q: How do you handle an elephant with three balls?

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 18 Jun 10 - 05:16 AM

Tannyw,, the usual response when you ask someone the question "What is the difference between an elephants arse and a post box" is "I don't know!" or "Go on, what is the difference" then you respond by informing them that you wouldn't trust them to post your letter!!!

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Tannywheeler
Date: 18 Jun 10 - 09:06 AM

Many thanks, Georgian. Glad I asked. Tw

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: LadyJean
Date: 18 Jun 10 - 11:48 PM

Somebody told Chico, "You go across the viaduct."
Chico, of course replied, "Vy a duck, vy not a chicken."

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Eiseley
Date: 18 Jun 10 - 11:54 PM

Even though the moon is only one-quarter the size of the earth, it is much farther away.

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Eiseley
Date: 18 Jun 10 - 11:55 PM

Why, when you see a formation of geese [or ducks] flying through the air, is one side of the V always longer than the other?





Because it has more geese [or ducks] in it.

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 19 Jun 10 - 06:13 AM

What have Jimmy Edwards and Lulu got in common?

They both have moustaches except Lulu.

(Crackerjack, late 60s)

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,Neil D
Date: 19 Jun 10 - 11:38 AM

What's the meaning of life, the universe and everything?

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 20 Jun 10 - 01:14 AM

42

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,Angryman
Date: 27 Jul 11 - 06:49 AM

What is the difference between a duck..............and my divorce lawyer?







A: Nothing, they can both stick their bills up their arse.

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,Artibus Floss
Date: 14 Oct 11 - 08:56 AM

one you shoot, the other you do if someone tries to shoot you.

DUCK is the national bird of Afghanistan

Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 14 Oct 11 - 10:19 AM

100, that's a century,

Or a One & Two 'ducks' (cricket)