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'What is the difference between a duck?'

Muttley 26 Apr 08 - 02:01 AM
Dave Hanson 26 Apr 08 - 02:09 AM
Liz the Squeak 26 Apr 08 - 02:11 AM
Jim Carroll 26 Apr 08 - 02:39 AM
Georgiansilver 26 Apr 08 - 04:12 AM
Les in Chorlton 26 Apr 08 - 04:17 AM
Big Al Whittle 26 Apr 08 - 06:55 AM
bankley 26 Apr 08 - 08:18 AM
Dave the Gnome 26 Apr 08 - 09:34 AM
Louie Roy 26 Apr 08 - 10:47 AM
GUEST,Jim 26 Apr 08 - 11:13 AM
Slag 26 Apr 08 - 03:06 PM
GUEST,Jim 26 Apr 08 - 03:24 PM
GUEST,lox 26 Apr 08 - 05:03 PM
Slag 26 Apr 08 - 05:35 PM
Bill D 26 Apr 08 - 06:31 PM
Little Robyn 26 Apr 08 - 08:05 PM
Little Hawk 26 Apr 08 - 08:45 PM
Slag 26 Apr 08 - 08:46 PM
Don(Wyziwyg)T 27 Apr 08 - 08:35 PM
Uncle_DaveO 27 Apr 08 - 09:11 PM
quokka 27 Apr 08 - 09:15 PM
Severn 27 Apr 08 - 09:34 PM
GUEST,TIA 27 Apr 08 - 09:59 PM
Slag 27 Apr 08 - 11:46 PM
GUEST,Desert Dancer on astro's machine 28 Apr 08 - 12:44 AM
Mr Red 28 Apr 08 - 08:12 AM
Severn 28 Apr 08 - 08:56 AM
jeffp 28 Apr 08 - 09:39 AM
JHW 28 Apr 08 - 10:55 AM
goatfell 28 Apr 08 - 10:58 AM
Geoff the Duck 28 Apr 08 - 10:59 AM
John MacKenzie 28 Apr 08 - 11:02 AM
Mr Red 28 Apr 08 - 06:03 PM
GUEST,Jim 28 Apr 08 - 06:24 PM
GUEST,Zeke 28 Apr 08 - 06:28 PM
Don(Wyziwyg)T 28 Apr 08 - 06:35 PM
GUEST,Chief Chaos 28 Apr 08 - 06:50 PM
Herga Kitty 28 Apr 08 - 07:28 PM
GUEST,TIA 28 Apr 08 - 10:42 PM
NightWing 28 Apr 08 - 11:06 PM
GUEST,Jim 29 Apr 08 - 02:46 PM
GUEST 29 Apr 08 - 02:48 PM
Don(Wyziwyg)T 29 Apr 08 - 08:58 PM
clueless don 30 Apr 08 - 09:19 AM
frogprince 30 Apr 08 - 03:01 PM
The Fooles Troupe 01 May 08 - 02:49 AM
GUEST,Pete 01 May 08 - 07:10 AM
Bill D 01 May 08 - 09:54 AM
TIA 01 May 08 - 11:16 AM
JHW 01 Mar 09 - 12:39 PM
Don Firth 01 Mar 09 - 01:58 PM
VirginiaTam 01 Mar 09 - 03:27 PM
Liz the Squeak 02 Mar 09 - 01:07 PM
Don Firth 02 Mar 09 - 02:46 PM
Gurney 02 Mar 09 - 03:52 PM
Kent Davis 02 Mar 09 - 11:03 PM
Genie 03 Mar 09 - 03:46 PM
Genie 03 Mar 09 - 03:49 PM
Genie 03 Mar 09 - 03:55 PM
GUEST,Ravenheart 04 Mar 09 - 09:19 PM
GUEST,Slag 05 Mar 09 - 01:00 AM
GUEST,Pete 05 Mar 09 - 11:13 AM
jeffp 05 Mar 09 - 11:47 AM
GUEST,strad 06 Mar 09 - 11:15 AM
Bill D 06 Mar 09 - 12:19 PM
Leadfingers 06 Mar 09 - 01:37 PM
Genie 07 Mar 09 - 12:54 PM
GUEST,sam 26 Oct 09 - 02:38 PM
VirginiaTam 26 Oct 09 - 03:10 PM
SharonA 26 Oct 09 - 03:33 PM
Jim Dixon 26 Oct 09 - 04:35 PM
Bat Goddess 26 Oct 09 - 05:08 PM
Donuel 26 Oct 09 - 09:04 PM
EBarnacle 26 Oct 09 - 09:30 PM
GREEN WELLIES 27 Oct 09 - 04:43 AM
GUEST,Ralphie 27 Oct 09 - 07:33 AM
Jim Dixon 27 Oct 09 - 04:17 PM
Little Hawk 27 Oct 09 - 06:30 PM
GUEST,Jimmy 15 May 10 - 12:12 PM
olddude 15 May 10 - 03:13 PM
Donuel 15 May 10 - 06:10 PM
banjoman 16 May 10 - 07:54 AM
Bonzo3legs 16 May 10 - 08:00 AM
GUEST,KA 17 Jun 10 - 01:15 PM
Georgiansilver 17 Jun 10 - 03:03 PM
maple_leaf_boy 17 Jun 10 - 09:01 PM
Tannywheeler 17 Jun 10 - 09:23 PM
robomatic 17 Jun 10 - 10:05 PM
Georgiansilver 18 Jun 10 - 05:16 AM
Tannywheeler 18 Jun 10 - 09:06 AM
LadyJean 18 Jun 10 - 11:48 PM
Eiseley 18 Jun 10 - 11:54 PM
Eiseley 18 Jun 10 - 11:55 PM
Steve Shaw 19 Jun 10 - 06:13 AM
GUEST,Neil D 19 Jun 10 - 11:38 AM
The Fooles Troupe 20 Jun 10 - 01:14 AM
GUEST,Angryman 27 Jul 11 - 06:49 AM
GUEST,Artibus Floss 14 Oct 11 - 08:56 AM
Nigel Parsons 14 Oct 11 - 10:19 AM
GUEST,mstaggerlee 18 Sep 12 - 03:39 PM
Don Firth 18 Sep 12 - 03:55 PM
Georgiansilver 18 Sep 12 - 06:09 PM
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Subject: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Muttley
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 02:01 AM

Snuffy in the "Aha she cried and waved her wooden leg" thread posed this question

"What is the difference between a duck?"
A. "One of its legs are both the same"

I recall this one from teachers college in the 70's; along with:

Q. Why are Volkswagens?
A. Because motorbikes have no doors

Q. Why are apples round?
A. Because bananas are yellow.

and

Q. Why do mice spin in pairs?
A. The higher the fewer.

Can anyone recall any others?


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 02:09 AM

Why did Jane Russel ?

because Max Factor.

eric


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 02:11 AM

So I said to this bird with one leg, hop it!

LTS


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 02:39 AM

What's the difference between a stoat and a weasel
One's weasely recognised and the other's stoatally different

What would you rather bee or a wasp

Jim Carroll
Enough of this silliness - I've got work to do


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 04:12 AM

What is the difference between the Whitehall Theatre and a Public Toilet..........



The Whitehall Theatre is for arts and farces!


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Les in Chorlton
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 04:17 AM

What's the difference betwen a canary?

One leg is yellow and the other is also orange


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 06:55 AM

How do you become an actress?

Sit on the radiator till you're Googie Withers.


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: bankley
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 08:18 AM

what's the difference between Hillary and Obama ?

not much...

except one's as dark as the inside of a cow with its eyes closed and tail down








and the other is African-American


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 09:34 AM

What do you call a swan with a wooden leg?

Frank.

"Can I have some green soap please."
"Sorry we only have red."
"That's OK. I'm on my bike."

:D


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Louie Roy
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 10:47 AM

What's the difference between a pump handle and a cow's tail


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,Jim
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 11:13 AM

From Mad Magazine in the early sixties:"I've got one grunch but the eggplant over there."
This quote showed up in almost every issue of Mad for a few years.


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Slag
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 03:06 PM

In the famous words of Horace Greely "Huh?".


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,Jim
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 03:24 PM

I just emailed my brother BOB to ask him where we'd heard the riddle:
Q-What's the difference between a duck?
A-One leg is both the same.

He sent back this:

Q-What's the difference between a duck?
A-Jeez and quackers

I seem to recall Mom and Dad came home from a "couples' club" at Binkley Church, and someone (maybe Bob Cruikshanks) had told that joke, and it hit the spot with them so they repeated it numerous times (laughing or at least smiling every time) and, alas, it became part of our family folklore.
The eggplant grunch was definitely from Mad Magazine, and its incomprehensible logic appealed to you and me (and probably only you and me) in much the same way as "one is both the same" appealed to our parents. And I always remember a Walt Kelly Pogo cartoon that we cut out and had thumbtacked up in our room for years: It was just one selected square of a three square cartoon episode that contained two little bugs, a father and his young son holding his hand, the father enthusiastically pointing with his umbrella at Churchy LaFemme galloping by on all fours like a rabid dog, and the father bug saying, "Behold, Clerlock! There goes a..." and the bored child saying, "Never mind, Pa." It's hard to explain but that was quietly hilarious to us, and I think it still is.


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,lox
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 05:03 PM

Why is a horse when he trots

Because God save Ireland!



Two bears in a bath

One says "pass me the soap"

The other says " I can't because its RAY-DEE-OH ... ;-)


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Slag
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 05:35 PM

Ok, tell me when to stop...That really quacks me up! Feather you and not me. Duck Soup (with quackers)! Do you know how to get down of an elephant? You don't! You get down off a duck! I'm winging it! Why would a duck beg when he's got a bill? Was that a teal of laughter? I thot not. DUCK! Opps too late. Well, it looks like it's time for me to migrate. "... or did you just step on a duck?" Dr. Mallard? He's a quack. Wanna buy a duck? Be kind to your web-footed friends, for a duck may be somebody'd MAWWWW-ther...


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Bill D
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 06:31 PM

Those are POLAR bears...

The original was "Did you hear about the Polar bear who came up out of the hole in the ice and said "Radio"?"

The version I hear of the other was "A polar bear was taking a shower, and called his wife.."Hey, will you hand ne the soap?" "No soap, honey...radio!"

A polar bear is driving in his little red sports car, when he's pulled over by a police car. The officer says,"Let me see your license." "No license, Officer...radio!"


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Little Robyn
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 08:05 PM

What's the difference between an anal thermometer and an oral thermometer?








The taste!

Robyn


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 08:45 PM

In the famous words of Ronald Reagan, "Umm...what was the question?".


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Slag
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 08:46 PM

Real estate Robyn, location, location, location!

And what Mrs. P Bear really said was "No hope, money; away I go!"

I checked with the FCC and the last amateur license granted to a Polar Bear was in '41 and the last commercial license lapsed in '49 in Alaskan Territory. Since statehood Marvin Perkins obtained licenses for tracking radios for Polar Bears. One of the last things Perkins was heard to utter in his normally deep, basso profundo voice was "Now where can I stick this thing so he can't readily take it off?" It was about a year later, after his release from Cedars of Lebanon/ Mt. Sinai Hospital that he became spokesman for Mutual of Omaha.

Considering the foregoing it most certainly had to have been an RCMP who pulled said bear over in the first place. What context there may have been for the bear's comment, I cannot imagine.


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 27 Apr 08 - 08:35 PM

"What's the difference between a pump handle and a cow's tail?"


Sheeee-it! I dunno.

Don T.


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 27 Apr 08 - 09:11 PM

Don, I guess I won't send YOU for a bucket of drinking water!

Dave Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: quokka
Date: 27 Apr 08 - 09:15 PM

Why don't motorbikes have windscreen wipers?

Because icecream has no bones.


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Subject: RE:We'll split the difference between a duck
From: Severn
Date: 27 Apr 08 - 09:34 PM

The narrator/host of Zoo Parade when I was a kid and Mutual Of Omaha's Wild Kingdom much later was MARLON Perkins.

His ad lead-ins were always quite classic, things along the lines of, "The mother lion sleeps on a limb. If you find yourself out on a limb, Mutual Of Omaha....." that were almost as good as the questions that inspired this thread. Not quite. Too logical, but not by much.

And Mr.Perkins would have been hiding behind a rock and letting his assistant Jim plant the radio, bell the cat or whatever grunt work was required, as poor frail Marlon always looked like he would weigh 75 pounds soaking wet.


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,TIA
Date: 27 Apr 08 - 09:59 PM

Is it hotter in the summer or in the city?

Do you walk to school or carry your lunch?

Are bears Catholic? Does the Pope...never mind.

How much wood would a woodchuck.........?


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Slag
Date: 27 Apr 08 - 11:46 PM

Marvin? Marlon? What's a couple of letters among friends. I hope it doesn't bring the veracity of the other statements under consideration. Nonetheless after said incident it was always Jim from then on. They moved on from Polar Bears to Polar Cows. They later located in Antartica to study those South Polar Ants. Their tunneling is said to be responsible for over 50% of the avalanches on that continent. With penguins soaring over head and Walrii nipping at their heels Marlon and Jim turned out several good documentaries in that region.

Is it Saturday yet?


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,Desert Dancer on astro's machine
Date: 28 Apr 08 - 12:44 AM

I recall the genre from New England in the '70's... but I can't remember any examples... it was the 70's...

astro says... "What were the 70's?"

~ Becky in LA


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Mr Red
Date: 28 Apr 08 - 08:12 AM

What's the difference between a duck?

One is mallard-justed


Two birds on a perch and one says

I keep thinking it is Tuesday

(and can you smell fish)


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Subject: RE: 'What is the daffy-rinse inbetween a duck?'
From: Severn
Date: 28 Apr 08 - 08:56 AM

Actually, Slag, the ones they had to watch out for were the Bi-Polar bears. They could cop an attitude on you at any moment.


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: jeffp
Date: 28 Apr 08 - 09:39 AM

Marlon Perkins didn't always let Jim do all the work. There is a classic clip (yes, I've seen it) of Marlon Perkins wrestling with an anaconda. The snake very nearly got the better of him too. Perkins was almost drowned in the struggle.


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: JHW
Date: 28 Apr 08 - 10:55 AM

Neither of them


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: goatfell
Date: 28 Apr 08 - 10:58 AM

you are only african american if you were born in Africa and then moved to America but if you're born in America then you're American not matter what colour of skin you have or anything like that.


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 28 Apr 08 - 10:59 AM

Okay!
I give up!
What's the difference???
Quack!
GtD.


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 28 Apr 08 - 11:02 AM

No Tom, the term African American, refers to the ethnic origins of the person involved, and can be applied to any American born black person, of African descent.

G


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Mr Red
Date: 28 Apr 08 - 06:03 PM

Now Now children.

As they they say (they who don't like labels) I hate labels.

As George Mikes said (in a rather Eastern European accent) - I don't live here because I like Brittain, I live here because I love it.

Actually there are Americans and there are immigrants.

Now I will run for cover...........


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,Jim
Date: 28 Apr 08 - 06:24 PM

A wet bird never flies at night.

Where did that come from? Was it Walt Kelly?


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,Zeke
Date: 28 Apr 08 - 06:28 PM

"it takes a heap of homing to make a pigeon-toed"

"An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys."


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 28 Apr 08 - 06:35 PM

Wouldn't be much point in asking me to fertilise a pasture either, Uncle Dave

LOL
Don T.


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,Chief Chaos
Date: 28 Apr 08 - 06:50 PM

I believe Chico said:

"Viaduct?
Vhy not a chicken?"


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 28 Apr 08 - 07:28 PM

As George Mikes pointed out, the English have hot water bottles....

Kitty


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,TIA
Date: 28 Apr 08 - 10:42 PM

Walt Kelley said "we have met the enemy, and they is us"

Okay, Pogo said it.


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: NightWing
Date: 28 Apr 08 - 11:06 PM

Why is there air?










Because the sky is blue

[I know that Bill Cosby had a different answer. This one is RIGHT!!

BB,
NightWing


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,Jim
Date: 29 Apr 08 - 02:46 PM

GUEST:TIA

Check out: http://www.banjohangout.org/myhangout/photos2.asp?id=17973&photoID=32971&albumid=0


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST
Date: 29 Apr 08 - 02:48 PM

Sorry TIA. Try this: http://www.banjohangout.org/myhangout/photos2.asp?id=17973&photoID=32971&albumid=0


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 29 Apr 08 - 08:58 PM

Vyisdere asmeni orsis arsis asderis orsis?

cosderis wunars perors.


Don T.


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: clueless don
Date: 30 Apr 08 - 09:19 AM

One I remember from my childhood:

Q: Why do birds fly?

A: Because it takes twelve pancakes to cover the top of a doghouse.


We used to call these "pointless jokes".

Don


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: frogprince
Date: 30 Apr 08 - 03:01 PM

Thirty days hath September, April, June, and November; all the rest have thirty-one, except Granny, she rides a red, white and blue bicycle.


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 01 May 08 - 02:49 AM

"We used to call these "pointless jokes"."

We called them 'surreal' jokes...


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,Pete
Date: 01 May 08 - 07:10 AM

I can't believe I've read the whole thread and not come across
How many beans make five?


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Bill D
Date: 01 May 08 - 09:54 AM

If a hen & a half could lay an egg & a half in a day & a half, how long would it take a cross-eyed grasshopper with a wooden leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle?


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: TIA
Date: 01 May 08 - 11:16 AM

Jim: Thaks for the link. Great book cover - I haven't seen it in years (buried in my Father's attic I think). Nice site. Thanks. I started the banjo way back when because Churchy Turtle played one.


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: JHW
Date: 01 Mar 09 - 12:39 PM

Find out at Saltholme, Seal Sands, Teesside at the new RSPB Reserve, free all March 09.
There's lots of them, and most of them are different.

www.rspb.org.uk/reserves


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Don Firth
Date: 01 Mar 09 - 01:58 PM

So I hear that the Folk Store in Seattle gets a new order of Generation penny whistles. The Generations come in both brass and nickel plated. The nickel plated ones are a bit more expensive.

I walk into the shop and I say, "Do you have any penny whistles?"

The proprietor says, "Uh—yes, but all I have are nickel ones."

Momentarily confused by his response, I ask, "Do you have any for a dime?"

It wasn't quite up to Abbott and Costello's "Who's on first?" but the other patrons in the shop thought it was pretty funny.

Don Firth


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 01 Mar 09 - 03:27 PM

Why is the sun round?

So it can shine in all directions.

So a chicken and an egg are in bed, the chicken is enjoying a post coital cigarette and the egg says rather frustratedly.

"Well I guess that answers that question."


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 02 Mar 09 - 01:07 PM

It's impossible to explain surreal humour to a 12yr old, when both are stone cold sober...


LTS


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Don Firth
Date: 02 Mar 09 - 02:46 PM

The late Sixties. I'm at this party when a conversation on Zen-flavored Buddhism breaks out. Someone comes up with the old question, "What's the difference between a duck?" Most of us just chuckled and were prepared to move on when one of the guys there looked very serious and slowly intoned, "Man! That's really deep!"

I think that kept him occupied for the next couple of hours. Or days. Weeks, perhaps?

Oddly enough, beyond a few cigarette smokers, nobody there was smoking anything.

Don Firth


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Gurney
Date: 02 Mar 09 - 03:52 PM

Right, Liz. Get the begger drunk.

Guest Pete, my fathers answer was "one bean, two beans, a bean-and-a-half, and half-a-bean. Didn't understand it then. Don't understand it yet.
I'm too literal-minded to appreciate surreal humour. I like humour.


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Kent Davis
Date: 02 Mar 09 - 11:03 PM

Q. How many pages is a banjo?



A. Red, if elected.



Q. Where is seven?



A. Much less but already later than it will be.

Kent


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Genie
Date: 03 Mar 09 - 03:46 PM

"It's crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide." (From Mad Magazine, IIRC.)


And from my high-school days:

Q: What's the difference between an orange?
A: A turtle, because a vest has no sleeves.


Q: Why is a mouse?
A: Because the farther you go, the much.


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Genie
Date: 03 Mar 09 - 03:49 PM

Severn and Slag, is a bi-polar bear one that swings both ways?


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Genie
Date: 03 Mar 09 - 03:55 PM

Jeff P and Severn, Marlon Perkins had run-ins not only with anacondas but with venomous snakes as well. He was bitten several times by them and on one occasion nearly died from the bite.

OK, now back to the important stuff.

"Compare and contrast Rush Limbaugh."

(Your answers?)


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,Ravenheart
Date: 04 Mar 09 - 09:19 PM

"Compare and contrast Rush Limbaugh."

Silence is Golden.


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,Slag
Date: 05 Mar 09 - 01:00 AM

VT, That chicken should be arrested for clucking with a minor.

I have never encountered a Bi-Polar bear and I don't believe Marlon Perkins OR Marlon Brando ever encountered a wild one.


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,Pete
Date: 05 Mar 09 - 11:13 AM

Gurney. I'm afraid your father was mistaken. It's a bean, a bean, a half a bean, a bean and a half and a bean. Hope that makes things clearer.


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: jeffp
Date: 05 Mar 09 - 11:47 AM

I have now doubt. Marlon was pretty cool. But that anaconda scene reminded me of the old joke, "Get over here and help me let go!"


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,strad
Date: 06 Mar 09 - 11:15 AM

No. it's definitely two beans, a bean and a half, a bean, and half a bean. So there!


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Bill D
Date: 06 Mar 09 - 12:19 PM

"It's crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide."

Genie...I also remembered that from Mad, but I did a search on it a few years ago and found that it makes sense in certain areas of Britain...to those of a certain age. Loosely it means something like 'it's ok to fool or trick a constable/policeman in certain situations' (I forget the exact formulation.)


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Leadfingers
Date: 06 Mar 09 - 01:37 PM

'Its crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide' translates as t   'It is NOT a good idea to bribe a policeman with forged notes '


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Genie
Date: 07 Mar 09 - 12:54 PM

Bill and LF, thanks for the translation.

I'm not really surprised to find it's actual jargon (as opposed to jibberish, which Mad was wont to generate at times).   Shows to go ya that when you don't understand the language it all sounds like nonsense (which Mad did/does like to use as well).

I also realized that the answer I posted to the "mouse" question earlier was wrong. (Senior moment.)

Q: Why is a mouse?
A: Because the faster it runs, the much.

Genie


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,sam
Date: 26 Oct 09 - 02:38 PM

can sum1 explain the why do mice spin in pairs 1?


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 26 Oct 09 - 03:10 PM

I might just get slammed for this.

When is 1954?

How is folk?


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: SharonA
Date: 26 Oct 09 - 03:33 PM

Pedant alert: The man's name was Marlin Perkins. Marlin, Marlin, Marlin. Sheesh.


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 26 Oct 09 - 04:35 PM

My father loved to say to kids: "How big would you be if you was twice as big as half?"

In college, I heard of one alleged exam problem: "Describe the universe and give three examples."

The final exam in phys. ed. was supposed to be: "Extend yourself at arm's length by the hair."


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 26 Oct 09 - 05:08 PM

Q - How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

A - Bathtub full of peanut butter

Linn


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Oct 09 - 09:04 PM

Why a duck?


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: EBarnacle
Date: 26 Oct 09 - 09:30 PM

Actually Chico's pronunciation was "Vy a duck?"

As far as "It's crackers to slip" Translation is closer to "You'd be a total fool [or totally insane] to..."


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GREEN WELLIES
Date: 27 Oct 09 - 04:43 AM

Whats the difference between a Bison and a Buffalo?

Cant wash you hands in a Buffalo.

(Its a Brummie joke)


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 27 Oct 09 - 07:33 AM

Q. How many legs have donkeys?
A. No legs have donkeys.


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 27 Oct 09 - 04:17 PM

It is alleged that Abraham Lincoln used to ask people:

Q. How many legs does a dog have, if you call a tail a leg?

A. Five!

Q. No, four. Calling it a leg doesn't make it a leg.


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Oct 09 - 06:30 PM

The difference between a duck is what the duck wants as opposed to what he actually gets. ;-)

And the same as with humans.


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,Jimmy
Date: 15 May 10 - 12:12 PM

Q - How many apples in a barrel of oranges?

A - A pair

This works better spoken out loud...

At school, we went through a phase of jokes like:

Q - Why did the plane crash?
A - Because the pilot was a tomato...


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: olddude
Date: 15 May 10 - 03:13 PM

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?
Russell

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool

Bob



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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Donuel
Date: 15 May 10 - 06:10 PM

Why a Duck?


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: banjoman
Date: 16 May 10 - 07:54 AM

recalled from childhood (first
If it takes a week to walk a fortnight then how long will it take for a spider with no legs to crawl through a pot of Hartley's Jam backwards?

Answer - A lemon

Why a lemon?

Suck it & see

almost as bad as knitting kettles from steel wool as my mother claimed to be able to do


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Bonzo3legs
Date: 16 May 10 - 08:00 AM

Don't let's ask for the moon. We have the stars!


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,KA
Date: 17 Jun 10 - 01:15 PM

What do you call a man with no arms or legs lying by the door?
Mat

What do you call a man with no arms or legs hanging on the wall?
Art


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 17 Jun 10 - 03:03 PM

What is the difference between an elephants arse and a post box?????


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: maple_leaf_boy
Date: 17 Jun 10 - 09:01 PM

Convenience store customer: "Do you sell pencils here?"
Clerk: "No."
Customer: "That's alright, I got a sweatshirt at home."


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Tannywheeler
Date: 17 Jun 10 - 09:23 PM

What fun. But I'm left with my original response: and what?
I want to see the one about the elephant's arse & the postbox...Tw
( I know, I'm too nerdy...)


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: robomatic
Date: 17 Jun 10 - 10:05 PM

Q: How long is a piece of string?


Q: How do you handle an elephant with three balls?


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 18 Jun 10 - 05:16 AM

Tannyw,, the usual response when you ask someone the question "What is the difference between an elephants arse and a post box" is "I don't know!" or "Go on, what is the difference" then you respond by informing them that you wouldn't trust them to post your letter!!!


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Tannywheeler
Date: 18 Jun 10 - 09:06 AM

Many thanks, Georgian. Glad I asked. Tw


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: LadyJean
Date: 18 Jun 10 - 11:48 PM

Somebody told Chico, "You go across the viaduct."
Chico, of course replied, "Vy a duck, vy not a chicken."


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Eiseley
Date: 18 Jun 10 - 11:54 PM

Even though the moon is only one-quarter the size of the earth, it is much farther away.


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Eiseley
Date: 18 Jun 10 - 11:55 PM

Why, when you see a formation of geese [or ducks] flying through the air, is one side of the V always longer than the other?





Because it has more geese [or ducks] in it.


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 19 Jun 10 - 06:13 AM

What have Jimmy Edwards and Lulu got in common?

They both have moustaches except Lulu.

(Crackerjack, late 60s)


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,Neil D
Date: 19 Jun 10 - 11:38 AM

What's the meaning of life, the universe and everything?


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 20 Jun 10 - 01:14 AM

42


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,Angryman
Date: 27 Jul 11 - 06:49 AM

What is the difference between a duck..............and my divorce lawyer?







A: Nothing, they can both stick their bills up their arse.


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,Artibus Floss
Date: 14 Oct 11 - 08:56 AM

one you shoot, the other you do if someone tries to shoot you.

DUCK is the national bird of Afghanistan


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 14 Oct 11 - 10:19 AM

100, that's a century,

Or a One & Two 'ducks' (cricket)


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: GUEST,mstaggerlee
Date: 18 Sep 12 - 03:39 PM

30 days has September, April, June and No wonder,
All the rest have Peanut Butter,
except Pasedena, and they have the Rose Bowl.


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Don Firth
Date: 18 Sep 12 - 03:55 PM

. . . and a partridge in a pear tree. . . .

Luther Burbank's been at it again.

Don Firth


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Subject: RE: 'What is the difference between a duck?'
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 18 Sep 12 - 06:09 PM

What is the difference betyween a cops night stick and a magicians wand??? One is for cunning stunts!


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