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BS: Thinking about starting a new thread

Lyrical Lady 18 Jun 08 - 06:49 PM
Lyrical Lady 18 Jun 08 - 06:42 PM
Def Shepard 18 Jun 08 - 05:59 PM
freda underhill 21 May 08 - 02:55 AM
freda underhill 20 May 08 - 04:04 AM
Tweed 08 May 08 - 07:36 PM
freda underhill 08 May 08 - 02:56 AM
freda underhill 08 May 08 - 02:48 AM
Amos 07 May 08 - 11:04 AM
fat B****rd 07 May 08 - 10:59 AM
John Hardly 06 May 08 - 02:51 PM
fat B****rd 06 May 08 - 02:42 PM
khandu 06 May 08 - 02:25 PM
fat B****rd 06 May 08 - 01:36 PM
Leadfingers 06 May 08 - 12:47 PM
Leadfingers 06 May 08 - 12:47 PM
fat B****rd 06 May 08 - 12:10 PM
Amos 06 May 08 - 10:33 AM
GUEST,Vic at work 06 May 08 - 10:02 AM
Mr Red 06 May 08 - 09:52 AM
khandu 06 May 08 - 09:09 AM
fat B****rd 06 May 08 - 08:15 AM
GUEST,Vic at work 06 May 08 - 08:15 AM
Azizi 05 May 08 - 07:32 PM
khandu 05 May 08 - 06:39 PM
John Hardly 05 May 08 - 05:06 PM
Amos 05 May 08 - 04:53 PM
Azizi 05 May 08 - 04:47 PM
Tweed 04 May 08 - 08:46 PM
fat B****rd 04 May 08 - 02:26 PM
Peace 04 May 08 - 02:22 PM
GUEST,lox 04 May 08 - 01:08 PM
GUEST,lox 04 May 08 - 01:07 PM
Azizi 04 May 08 - 01:03 PM
khandu 04 May 08 - 12:42 PM
Azizi 04 May 08 - 11:19 AM
catspaw49 04 May 08 - 09:51 AM
Azizi 04 May 08 - 09:21 AM
Azizi 04 May 08 - 09:19 AM
fat B****rd 04 May 08 - 04:38 AM
khandu 03 May 08 - 11:24 PM
Azizi 03 May 08 - 05:42 PM
fat B****rd 03 May 08 - 04:26 PM
John MacKenzie 03 May 08 - 04:24 PM
fat B****rd 03 May 08 - 04:21 PM
khandu 03 May 08 - 03:32 PM
fat B****rd 03 May 08 - 03:40 AM
Ed T 02 May 08 - 06:52 PM
Azizi 02 May 08 - 05:51 PM
Gurney 02 May 08 - 05:48 PM

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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: Lyrical Lady
Date: 18 Jun 08 - 06:49 PM

Don't tell me that during all the months that I was away, something happened, re: what you can and can't post?? I kinda got the impression on my Aspergers thread, that I could get shut down...am I close?? None the less, I'm glad to see the ol'rebels still have a say 'round here!
Barb

I'm gonna start a new thread now...look for "Biker Barbie Bites back"...


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: Lyrical Lady
Date: 18 Jun 08 - 06:42 PM

Hey there Azizi....Heereeeeeeeeeeee I ammmmm!

Barbie still looking for Ken!


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: Def Shepard
Date: 18 Jun 08 - 05:59 PM

I found a number of threads at the bottom of a sock drawer, does this count? :-D


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: freda underhill
Date: 21 May 08 - 02:55 AM

..thinking about stopping a new thread...


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: freda underhill
Date: 20 May 08 - 04:04 AM

hey, this thread has become threadbare....


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: Tweed
Date: 08 May 08 - 07:36 PM

Khandu, I myself, was thinking about starting a thread only this past weekend. Actually, I was thinking about starting a thread to get my threads back, as crackhead misfits who habitate in this neighborhood stole my fucking UNDERWEAR off the clothesline!

These were not the bottom of the drawer underwear but the high end underwear that still had the fuckin' elastic working.

Sonofabitch...you can't have nothin'........

These items were solids and stripes and were the tight fitting knit boxer types that showed off my enormous package to full advantage. I know of only one other person that is as big a prick as I am and I suspect that Knardlarz has been touring Florida obv late. Probably added my striped boxers to his Cherokee headress and doing rain dances and speaking in tongues up around the Georgia line by now. God knows they could use the rain..but I don't know if they can use Khandzrak for much of anything at all though.


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: freda underhill
Date: 08 May 08 - 02:56 AM

The Thread

Something is very gently,
invisibly, silently,
pulling at me-a thread
or net of threads
finer than cobweb and as
elastic. I haven't tried
the strength of it. No barbed hook
pierced and tore me. Was it
not long ago this thread
began to draw me? Or
way back? Was I
born with its knot about my
neck, a bridle? Not fear
but a stirring
of wonder makes me
catch my breath when I feel
the tug of it when I thought
it had loosened itself and gone.

Denise Levertov


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: freda underhill
Date: 08 May 08 - 02:48 AM

"When you examine the lives of the most influential people who have ever walked among us, you discover one thread that winds through them all. They have been aligned first with their spiritual nature and only then with their physical selves.. "- Albert Einstein

¡°Life and death are one thread, the same line viewed from different sides.¡± - Lao Tzu


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: Amos
Date: 07 May 08 - 11:04 AM

And represented in all contract negotiations by Worm, Parcel, Serve and Lay, advocates at law. "We string them up, then turn and serve the other way...". Offices in Hollywood, California, and the Hemptons, NY.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: fat B****rd
Date: 07 May 08 - 10:59 AM

Starring Jute Law?


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: John Hardly
Date: 06 May 08 - 02:51 PM

Mark Twine
Better thread starters than you:

Gene Sisal
Jerry Stringer
Line S Pauling
Thread Flintstone
Glark Cable
Steve Roper
Don Knotts
Jim Braidy
Liv Tie-ler
Cording Lightfoot
Knottilie Wood
Sheilds and Yarnell
Earnest Hempingway
Bob Rope and String Cosby and their famous "Road to Stringapore" movie
Shania Twine


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: fat B****rd
Date: 06 May 08 - 02:42 PM

What's folk music????????????????????????


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: khandu
Date: 06 May 08 - 02:25 PM

Now, about that new thread I am thinking about starting...

So many possibilities. Perhaps a political thread...Naw, too many already.

Folk music, eh? Perhaps a Joe Offer thread! Uh, was that a cheer or a groan I just heard?

Sex? Food? Toad licking? Jokes? Balloons? Loonies? Gregory Peck?

Too many possibilities!

A Joe Offer thread keeps popping up in my Royal Mind. I shall ponder this.

Whit Fields


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: fat B****rd
Date: 06 May 08 - 01:36 PM

Anytime , Leadfingers, anytime at all.


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: Leadfingers
Date: 06 May 08 - 12:47 PM

100 !!!


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: Leadfingers
Date: 06 May 08 - 12:47 PM

Any one starting a new thread is just setting up for some one to get a Double Zero Post !


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: fat B****rd
Date: 06 May 08 - 12:10 PM

A rheum? with a fern?


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: Amos
Date: 06 May 08 - 10:33 AM

What is this, an ejaculation contest? Whyn't you boys get a rheum?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: GUEST,Vic at work
Date: 06 May 08 - 10:02 AM

Khandu
I bathe in your effulgance, all is set right and i am at peace.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Now return to your gutter and Rot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: Mr Red
Date: 06 May 08 - 09:52 AM

don't form a committee - they will arrive anyway and crap on your best opinions. The Angry Mob have a hidden agenda, and don't you forget it. So well hidden that even they can't see it, but it is obvious to everyone else.


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: khandu
Date: 06 May 08 - 09:09 AM

Vic,
You low bred, whining swine. It is possums like you that have gotten the world in the sad shape it is in today. You make me want to vomit, but only twisted words of blasphemous indignation spew forth from my otherwise righteous mouth. You (Vic at work )should be doing your job instead of putting such pigpiddle on the Mudcat Forum. You disgust me.

I sneer in your general direction!

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: fat B****rd
Date: 06 May 08 - 08:15 AM

Right-o, Release my proclivities (as soon as I've done me homework.) Can do.


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: GUEST,Vic at work
Date: 06 May 08 - 08:15 AM

Pitiful, guys, pitiful! I come back after 4 days and where are we?
I have sat in awe of the great names posted above only to find they are men (or persons)of straw.

Where is the invective, the snide dig, the blasphemous attack, the openly deriding remark? Instead we have Gravitas.

I weep! I long for yesteryear!

In hopes
Vic.


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: Azizi
Date: 05 May 08 - 07:32 PM

No thanks. The stage is too big for me to take, and even if I could carry it, where would I take it?

Also, I prefer my audiences alive.

But hold the mayo.


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: khandu
Date: 05 May 08 - 06:39 PM

I would think that in a non-sanctioned thread that is as high-brow as this one, one would use the less coarse "belch", rather than "burp"

Just my thought!

TWEED, you are a sad little man with stealable email addresses! How dare you compare that rascal called "Spaw" with my old friend Willie! Did you not know that Willie was once my Poet Lariat? Did you not know that his book "For Who The Bell Dongs" was written to honor me?

What has "Spaw" written to honor me?

Nothing!!

fat B****rd, hold not your proclivity to pun. Release it upon us. We, in the Ethereal Kingdom, consider it the highest form of humor! Humor us.

Azizi, please! Take center stage and knock 'em dead!

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: John Hardly
Date: 05 May 08 - 05:06 PM

*burp*


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: Amos
Date: 05 May 08 - 04:53 PM

A vote of thanks, Azizi, for not succumbing to the sometimes popular idiocy of spelling it "Here! Here!" and for spelling "ye" precisely right as well.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: Azizi
Date: 05 May 08 - 04:47 PM

Hear ye! Hear ye! {or Read ye! Read ye!}

I just wanted folks to know that I haven't abandoned this thread. I'm just trying to be generous and let someone else be the center of attention.

But since I'm here, let me say that I was so concerned about misspelling words, that I went to Google to look up the spelling for "ye". And I found that I has spelled it right. Plus I found out that "Hear Ye! Hear Ye! is the name of a geneology website. And I also saw that this quote was part of the summary for one of the websites listed:

"Hear Ye! "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." -- Albert Einstein" ...


-snip-

That says it all. Not that I'm callin anybody stupid. We's all smart folks here.


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: Tweed
Date: 04 May 08 - 08:46 PM

Jeeziss Khnardazz, you are in terrible shape! Worse than before, I fear, when CarolC locked yore ass in that Canadian shit house.

Azzizzzzi, that ain't no invented cast of characters. Spaw is the Ohio version of Mississippi's Faulkner. He just writes what terrible visions that he sees around him. I don't know how he sleeps at nite...

Hang on tight, this party is probably only just getting started. When Spaw digs out a tale from the archives, his twisted mind is starting to bubble and churn. Much like his digestive tract, but we don't make fart noises in here anymore as that would be uncivilized.


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: fat B****rd
Date: 04 May 08 - 02:26 PM

Bruce, I was going to venture into punland but, going on my recent performances, I daren't.
ATB from Charlie.


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: Peace
Date: 04 May 08 - 02:22 PM

Yes, he was. He was Mayor of London (Ontario)--he may not remember. But a great phrase entered the Canadian language due to him. The expression?

"That's the can-do spirit."


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: GUEST,lox
Date: 04 May 08 - 01:08 PM

Was khandu ever mayor of london?


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: GUEST,lox
Date: 04 May 08 - 01:07 PM

What we need is a little veritus ...

... just don't pull the thread too hard or the elastic will go and that is a prospect well and above and below the waistline ... (!)


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: Azizi
Date: 04 May 08 - 01:03 PM

Oh. Okay. Alright. If you say so.


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: khandu
Date: 04 May 08 - 12:42 PM

Azizizi,

Beware the rambloid writings (See Exhibit "L") of the one called "Spaw". They are designed to pull even the more agile minded into his own web of debauchery. The tale he just told was somewhat based in true fact, yet there were subtle changes hither and yon; Very slight changes which pervert the reality of the situation and make it what is was not!

Yea, I speak truth here! Undiluted and Ivory Soap pure!

As I have no recollection of the aforementioned tale, due to some Spaw sponsored Doctor overdosing me with mindswilling drugs, I cannot readily point out any of said changes, but they are there!! "You must hear me and believe what I say!!!" I exclaimed to Azizizi loudly as I typed this Life-protecting message! "DEPART FROM HIS ENTICING AND SEDUCTIVE WORDS!!! THEY ARE SUBTLE CHANGES OF THE TRUTH!!

ASLO, Aziziziz, despite Spaw's utterings, my name IS NOT "KEN"!!!

My name is khandu!

My name MAY have been "Ken" before the transformation, but that is of no relevence. Those days previous to the transformation no longer are. Except for two or three.

Now, I dare say...Who among us, after reading my clear and precise articulations above; who among you dare say I am "wacked out (and occasionally off) "?

Let him who dare say this eat liver cheese!

So, there!

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: Azizi
Date: 04 May 08 - 11:19 AM

Well, that was something else. And-I'm not tryin to raise the level of this thread up a notch or so-but spaw, you're a good writer and you've created an interesting cast of characters.

Also, spaw, you're quite a philosopher:

...I [know] that ... feelings [are] generally the portend of bad things to come, but the mind is a funny thing and we often forget the past in an effort to hold out hope for a new beginning.
-catspaw

Hey, that's real heavy!

And as for khandu, among the things I learned about him from that story is that khandu's name is "Ken". Ah ha!

So where's Barbie?

[Ha ha! I know that's a weak joke, but I couldn't resist].


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: catspaw49
Date: 04 May 08 - 09:51 AM

Look Ziz, I gotta' tell ya' you're just adding to the psychoses that are part and parcel of khandu's existence. The guy is wacked out (and occasionally off) so please try to provide some calm and give him nothing that stimulates his festering and fetid mind. He has gone well over the hill many times here, scaled an entire mountain range really. We have tried to help but obviously to no avail as he continues with his assorted fantasies. You are too young to remember his Joe Offer fantasy, but we tried our best to cure him and it only had a brief effect. Let me retell you the tale for you Azizi in the hopes you understand just how sick khandu really is. Back the it went like this:

Well it's over.......The first, and I hope last, Super Mind Altering and Semi-Patriotic Fireworks and Flaming Asshole Gala. I don't know why or how this stuff starts but anytime I use Cletus for anything, the one sure thing is that I'll end up with a long list of people wanting money from me. It started off so well............

The plan was simple. All we wanted to do was bring khandu back to his senses and knowing that a good cross burning might do the job, we started there. I mean hell, he's Mississippi boy and cross burning is a genetic trait. He had become a slave and a brown noser to, of all people, Joe Offer. Something had to be done. Somehow we got carried away. Tweed acquired through Bobertz, some Patty Poopchute and Harry Hardtool anatomically correct party dolls and we thought we might possibly use them as well. It's my fault though.....Has anything ever gone right when Cletus, Paw, Buford, and the Reg boys are involved?

Paw went down to the lumber yard and liberated some skids and the Reg boys ripped them apart. The plan was to make 143 crosses with the skid wood and duct tape. Buford got involved and said the first one didn't look right to him. Why in the hell anything would look right to Buford is beyond me as the boy is always tanked up on Iron City and when he's not burping, he's whizzing on Mrs. Clanahan's peonies. But Paw agreed with him and they headed off to find a cross for a model. They ended up going to the Church of Evangelical Hollering and Tongue Talking Mohunkers where the good folks were happy to oblige. Of course the Rollers misunderstood the reasons here and, this being Good Friday and all, thought the crosses were being made for a religious ceremony and Paw told them to come by at 8 PM, or a little before so as to get a good seat. I wish he had told me........

About 3 PM the crosses were finished and the Boys started taking things up to the little picnic grove on 664 adjoining Ol' Man Rafferty's place. For all his faults, Rafferty is a religious old coot and was excited to see the crosses being erected on Good Friday. I guess he thought Cletus had turned over a new leaf. Paw went over to talk with him even though Rafferty still held him responsible for the destruction of his mailbox and a Buick hubcap after the Great Magnetic Ass-Healing Ring debacle. Paw commented on the new mailbox and hubcap while once again Rafferty was washing the aging Buick deuce and a quarter. Rafferty said he and his very religious wife would certainly be sitting out on their porch and it would be even better than going to Church as they had planned. Once again, I wish someone had told me..................

Since the Reg boys aren't any too talkative they were given the job of blowing up the Harry Hardtool dolls and stuffing their "tools" with Roman candles and bottle rockets (with whistle and report). It was a big job but they got it done. Meanwhile Cletus and Paw had filled the Patty Poopchute dolls with propane. They all worked together to drive the crosses into the ground and attached the Patty Poopchute dolls to the top. Cletus said they wouldn't be soaking the crosses in kerosene until just before they lit them which seemed okay to me.

I had arrived to check in on all of this at about 5:30 and truthfully, I was impressed at what they had accomplished! Now I knew that these good feelings were generally the portend of bad things to come, but the mind is a funny thing and we often forget the past in an effort to hold out hope for a new beginning. This seems to be what happened to me as I felt genuinely good about trying to bring this thing off and that perhaps, for once, Cletus, Paw, Buford, and the Reg boys may have gotten it right.   Once again, I should have relied on past experience.............

The crosses were in the ground on a slight embankment with a propane filled Patty Poopchute mounted atop each one. Leaning against the embankment and in front of each were the Harry Hardtool dolls with their dorks pointing skyward and filled with Roman candles and bottle rockets (with whistle and report). This is a pretty conservative little place so I thought maybe the dolls would be better if they were covered or clothed and I ask the Boys to do so and they told me they'd do it....."No Problem Spaw." That should have clued me in but it didn't. My other suggestion was that because a light breeze had come up, it might be good to tie the Harry Hardtools to something so they didn't blow away. Again, I don't know what the fuck I was thinking..................

I should now take this chance to thank those who so valiantly helped in this and I want to extend my thanks to them for their part in trying to save Brother khandu. Carol, Tweed, Young Will, even Bobertz.......You all did your jobs and performed magnificently. I cannot thank you enough and to prove it, I have kept your part in this as well as your names out of the Sheriff's report. Additionally, you are free to disavow any knowledge of me or that you were ever even within a hundred miles of here. You have to admit though, it was one helluva' show!

On the chance that we might need the services of the Neil Young Center for the Terminally Screwed, I asked for the Insanevac Chopper to be standing by. I spent the next few hours at home with Karen and the kids, eating supper and coloring Easter Eggs. When I heard the sound of the chopper I realized that several hours had passed and I was almost late for the show. I leashed up the two Weimaraners and headed for the park. Karen and the kids wanted to go but I suggested they stay home in case something went awry. This was the only good decision I made in the entire day. Besides, the "Royal Forkers" khandu had sent to surround my house had instead turned out to "mortar forkers" and had just completed the new barbeque out back and were busy working on a smokehouse. I told Karen it was better for her to keep an eye on them to be sure they were working according to plan. With Jaeger and Sissy happy to be going for a walk, I headed for the gala event.

When I arrived, a few things caught my eye right away, but it was too late to turn back. First, each Patty Poopchute doll had a purple robe like affair on them. I realized right away that the material had come from a hot air balloon that Cletus and Paw had accidentally shot down a few years ago (that's another story). Sitting atop the crosses in their purple robes, they were really quite attractive. Additionally, the Harry Hardtool dolls all were wrapped about waist with old towels in a loincloth sort of get-up. To keep the Harry dolls in place, they had tied each wrist to something or another which left their arms outstretched. Also, out front of everything was the biggest Dago Bomb I ever saw. It turns out Cletus and the Boys had bought it down in Tennessee on one of their trips south to a festival where they had contracted for the porta-potty business with their company, "Crappers on Casters." And....they had been good enough to park one of their C on C's about 50 feet to the left, over toward Rafferty's place. I stood for a moment and took it all in. Suddenly it hit me. In the purple robes and loincloths, with the outstretched arms and crosses, this looked like some Christian tableau from Hell! There they were, 143 Virgin Marys, atop 143 crosses, with 143 Jesus Christs below! My mind went numb as I began to realize that somehow this extravaganza was not going to go well at all.............

Before I could utter a word I saw Ol' Man Rafferty and his wife on their porch in prayer. About then the Church Bus bearing the members of the Church of Evangelical Hollering and Tongue Talking Mohunkers arrived in the grove.   They literally ran off the bus dropping to their knees. I tell you they went down faster than a cheap whore on a Liberian tanker. I was rapidly becoming almost paralyzed. I couldn't speak although I wanted to scream. The main thing I wanted to scream was "NO" but the best that came from my throat was a tiny croak like a dying frog with laryngitis. Not over yet though................

Tweed drove a van in and he and Carol emerged from the front with a look of trepidation on their faces as they took in the scene before them. Wrongly figuring that I had this planned, they opened the back doors and Will and Bobertz hopped out. They all four then removed khandu. Okay, it wasn't their fault they had to subdue him...I know that. And frankly it was very creative the way they had wrapped him up in duct tape from head to foot with only his eyes looking out. Even from where I was I could see he was mad. But I still thought that this cross burning gone haywire might cure him of his shameless brown nosing of Joe Offer. But the way he was wrapped reminded the church folk of Jesus in the tomb I guess, with the duct tape as a sticky Shroud of Turin. In any case they turned and started praying in that direction also. Tweed, Carol, Will, and Bobertz, were busy propping khandu up so he could see when I noticed that the Reg boys were liberally soaking the crosses and the ground in between with kerosene. I had to stop this...............

Cletus and Paw were all smiles, quite proud of what they had done and when I came stammering up to them they were a bit confused. I tried to somehow make them see what I saw but it wasn't working because my mind was moving faster than my mouth and these guys were never too sharp on the best of days. Each of the Weims was licking one of Paw's hands when I finally got through a bit to Cletus. After listening to the whole thing he said, "Don't worry Catspaw, even I know that Jesus had blonde hair and that guy don't look nothin' like him." This made no sense and once again I was so dumbstruck I was speechless. Cletus capped that with, "Besides look how happy Jaeger and Sissy are!"   After what seemed like an hour, but was probably only a few seconds of pondering that inanity, I blurted, "You stupid shit!! They're fucking DOGS!!!!" This didn't bother ol' Clete in the least as he thought it was fine they were dogs I guess. He and Paw walked off happily to get the show started. I swear to you all, I would have done anything to stop it, but the whole thing had moved not only beyond my control but into another dimension as well. From this point on, it seemed as though I watched what happened as a sort of out of body experience; just a casual observer noting the events unfolding.

In a scene like none imagined by Machiavelli it all began. Paw bent over by the crosses and flared off a monster fart. The flame shot across to the nearest cross, much like what happened in their Christmas tree disaster, and within seconds, 143 crosses were burning brightly. Cletus ran to the front and lit the monster Dago Bomb. There was one more realization to go though. Turns out they had tied the wrists of the Harry/Jesus dolls to the ankles of the Patty/Virgin Mary dolls which explained the outstretched arms. This realization only came to me as the flames ignited Patty/Mary's poopchute where the plastic was thinnest and melted first. The propane ignited and up they went......each dragging a Harry/Jesus behind. Maybe halfway to the top of their trajectory the flames ignited the Roman candles and bottle rockets in the Harry/Jesus dicks.

I gotta' tell y'all........It was a sight to behold. 143 Virgin Marys launched off of flaming crosses with their assholes trailing flame while 143 Jesus Christs ascended behind them, twirling gaily with their cocks spouting red, white, and blue balls and rockets (with whistle and report) screaming off in all directions followed by a series of bangs. Simply amazing. The church members lost all control and began flopping around on the ground, talking in tongues, and generally having a pretty good time. Rafferty's wife on the other hand seemed to be having a possible heart attack. But it gets worse..........

Cletus was so shocked at the sudden ignition of the crosses that in trying to get away from the Dago Bomb he knocked it on it's side. A massive fireball shot out and smashed underneath the porta-potty. Obviously they hadn't cleaned it or something and the methane fumes had built up. The crapper shot skyward too and the methane must have been in prodigious quantities as the fiery outhouse travelled over a mile before crashing through the roof of the condom factory, setting it ablaze. Several explosions have come from that direction and a paramedic attending Mrs. Rafferty said that a vat of latex had blown and completely covered the Church of Evangelical Hollering and Tongue Talking Mohunkers which is located just across the street.

The missing outhouse now opened the range and the Dago Bomb fired off another even more monstrous ball of fire. This time the charge landed underneath Ol'Man Rafferty's Buick and it blew up right there in his driveway. About this time the cops showed up and an ambulance was called for Mrs. Rafferty. Tweed, Carol, Bobertz, and Will were shell shocked as I was, but what was really important to us was our friend Ken. Had we brought him back? We quickly ripped the duct tape off removing small portions of skin and hair in the process. The church folks were gathering up the tape remnants which I suppose they think are now Holy Relics. I dunno' what the hell they're going to think when they arrive back at their church....which should be about now.

Khandu lay on the gurney and the anger was gone from his eyes. As a matter of fact, everything was gone from his eyes! He was completely catatonic. We loaded him aboard the NYCFTTS Insanevac Chopper for a trip to the new wing where the James Taylor Rehab Unit on Catatonic Blandness is located. We can just hope I guess.......

As for me, I foresee a long night of police and fire reports, possible fines, lawyer fees, and threats of incarceration, racing around my brain. Sweet Jesus, I need some drugs..............




Damn but that was a day....and a lot more thereafter with various attorneys and police-type folks. The Mohunkers sold the church to a doctor's group that started a contraceptive clinic......and I never did get any drugs......and I still need some.........and as you can see these many years later, khandu is still a mental case.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: Azizi
Date: 04 May 08 - 09:21 AM

But, I know that I'd rather go bare, than wear a hair [shirt].


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: Azizi
Date: 04 May 08 - 09:19 AM

khandu, I stand corrected.

Actually, I sit corrected.
-Azizi, also attempting to be friendly and witty.

But I don't own a hairshirt, and I bare-ly know what a hair shirt is.


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: fat B****rd
Date: 04 May 08 - 04:38 AM

So, this is the thread that dare not speak it's name.
fB - attempting to be friendly and witty.
Then again, I'll get me hairshirt.


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: khandu
Date: 03 May 08 - 11:24 PM

Azizzizzi,
With all due respect ( and much respect is due!), I believe you are incorrect.

The second line of the last stanza is not, as you have said, "La-de-da-de-dum", but rather, "La-de-da-di-dum". Before saying this I consulted with the Unsanctioned Thread Lyrics Committee (consisting of the proper number of people as outlined by Liz The Squeak in her 02 May 08 - 05:41 PM post) and they all agreed that this is indeed the correct lyrics.

Please make a note of this in any future use.

Aslo, the good people of Sesame Seed called and said they accept your apology. I am certain that this is a great relief to you, as it has been a gravitas(us?) burden to me since I first read your post.

All in the Ethereal Kingdom shall now sleep well this eve!

King whateverhisnameis


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: Azizi
Date: 03 May 08 - 05:42 PM

Such posts as his has helped this unsanctioned thread not sink under its on gravitus!
-whateverhisnameis

Gravitus. Gravitas. Okay. Okay. So I made a mistake. Big deal!
Get over it. It's not like this thread is heavy duty or anything.
I mean, this thread doesn't even have a name.

Maybe what this thread needs is a song.

La-de-da-de-dum,
La-de-da-de-dum,
What's the name of this thread?

La-de-da-de-dum,
La-de-da-de-dum,
What's the name of this thread?

It goes la-de-da-de-dum,
La-de-da-de-dum,
Something someone said.

La-de-da-de-dum,
La-de-da-dee,
I wish I remembered its name.

La-de-da-de-dum,
La-de-da-de-dum,
It's sounding all the same.

La-de-da-de-dum,
La-de-da-de-dum,
It's a low down cryin shame.

I've heard it said,
Without words and music
Mudcatters would have no fame.

So la-de-da-de-dum,
La-de-da-de-dum,
What's the name of this thread?

La-de-da-de-dum,
La-de-da-de-dum,
What's the name of this thread?


[with sincerest apologies to Sesame Street.]


:o)


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: fat B****rd
Date: 03 May 08 - 04:26 PM

Don't ya just know it!
How are things in your part of Scotland Giok?


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 03 May 08 - 04:24 PM

Well, nobody's perfect!



G


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: fat B****rd
Date: 03 May 08 - 04:21 PM

Strange really, I used to be quite a jolly chap.


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: khandu
Date: 03 May 08 - 03:32 PM

Haw!! fat B****rd has roller-skated right on in with a delightful bit of witticism! Such posts as his has helped this unsanctioned thread not sink under its on gravitus!

BTW, Amos...that was rather well put!

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: fat B****rd
Date: 03 May 08 - 03:40 AM

Bugger !! Just when I was enjoying a good wallow.


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: Ed T
Date: 02 May 08 - 06:52 PM

I was thinking about starting a new thread on experiences in putting the opposite sex in non traditional positions...I mean jobs.

But, I then changed my mind, fearing some may get the wrong idea, and that I may not have the required flexability...in my job, of course.


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: Azizi
Date: 02 May 08 - 05:51 PM

Websters speak with forked tongue

RossCampbell, thanks for that hyperlink.

I guess better a forked tongue than a silver spoon. At least, Websters' can't be accused of being elitist-unlike some other people I could mention, but I'm not even goin there.


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Subject: RE: BS: Thinking about starting a new thread
From: Gurney
Date: 02 May 08 - 05:48 PM

There you are, Fat B****rd! Two acknowledgements of your posts from a head-achey Khandu and two now from me.

Now, no more self-pity, please.


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