BS: Reptile Jokes

Subject: BS: Reptile Jokes
From: John on the Sunset Coast
Date: 05 Jun 08 - 03:48 PM

Click for the 'PermaThread™: List of all joke threads'

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As the pirate Aaargh has been revived at the 'cat, I thought I might offer a new class of jokes. Please rate them on a scaley of 1-2, wherein 3 is best. Feel free to add your own contributions, if you're cold blooded enough.


Reptile Jokes

What reptile has healing powers?
    Aloegator

What reptile has rhythm, man?
    Raptor

What is a reptile's minor injury?
    Dinosore

What is the reptile's call to dinner?
    Caiman get it!

How do reptiles keep their car glass clean?
    With windshield vipers.

What reptiles keep accounts?
    Adders

Subject: RE: BS: Reptile Jokes
From: Charley Noble
Date: 05 Jun 08 - 05:27 PM

John-

Very nicely done!

I do love the "Aloegator."

Do you know the name of the most erudite dinosaur?

It's known as the Thesaurus

And you've probably already heard of the fierce Crocogator, the one with the head of a crocodile on one end and the head of an alligator on the other. Did you ever wonder what makes him so fierce?

Well, he can't shit!

And they say when you starve with a crocodile, the crocodile starves last!

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Reptile Jokes
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 05 Jun 08 - 05:43 PM

Not so sure about that! Get me a crocodile sandwich....and make it snappy!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Reptile Jokes
From: Peace
Date: 05 Jun 08 - 05:48 PM

What do politicians and bullfrogs have in common?




Both have big heads that consist mostly of mouth.

Subject: RE: BS: Reptile Jokes
From: ClaireBear
Date: 05 Jun 08 - 06:14 PM

Some contributions from my 8-year-old:


Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

A: Because it's the ancestor of the chicken.

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Q: What do you get when you cross a reptile with a car?

A: A squished reptile, of course.

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Q: What time is it when a raptor is sleeping in your bed?

A: Time to get a new bed!

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Subject: RE: BS: Reptile Jokes
From: Joe Offer
Date: 05 Jun 08 - 06:17 PM

Not a joke - but we had a beautiful king snake in the yard today, one of the benefits of living here in paradise.

-Joe Offer, in the Sierra Nevada foothills-

Subject: RE: BS: Reptile Jokes
From: Peace
Date: 05 Jun 08 - 06:29 PM

Good creature to have around, Joe.

Subject: RE: BS: Reptile Jokes
From: Art Thieme
Date: 05 Jun 08 - 06:30 PM

On the steamboats I played music on I came up with this one day to tell passengers---with a straight face of course:

Down on the extreme lower Mississippi River, in olden times, sometimes a paddlewheel on a steamboat would injure alligators. After that, the U.S. government would take care of the animals. This was called Gatoraid!

Art

Subject: RE: BS: Reptile Jokes
From: katlaughing
Date: 05 Jun 08 - 06:44 PM

LMAO! Oh, Art! LOL...these are all great and fun to read!

Here's a straight line for one of you punsters:

Why do they call it a garter snake?

Subject: RE: BS: Reptile Jokes
From: Leadfingers
Date: 05 Jun 08 - 07:33 PM

If a snake gets REALLY drunk , would you say he was Legless ?

Subject: RE: BS: Reptile Jokes
From: katlaughing
Date: 05 Jun 08 - 07:45 PM

Does it have anything to do with the Order of the Garter?

Subject: RE: BS: Reptile Jokes
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jun 08 - 07:54 PM

I dunno, Kat. Why DO they call it a garter snake?


A

Subject: RE: BS: Reptile Jokes
From: Charley Noble
Date: 05 Jun 08 - 09:08 PM

I hope the answer doesn't have anything to do with reptile dysfunction.

Charley Ignoble

Subject: RE: BS: Reptile Jokes
From: katlaughing
Date: 05 Jun 08 - 10:01 PM

LOL...I am feeding you funnymen the straight line, c'mon! Art! Save me, O Master Punster, please come up with the punch line?!

Subject: RE: BS: Reptile Jokes
From: John on the Sunset Coast
Date: 05 Jun 08 - 10:31 PM

Why did Mrs Gator leave her husband? Because he had a....
Gee, Kat, you knew that.

A Lucky Strike Extra--not in the reptile area--but a baseball question.
Who was the brother of a famous baseball trio of yore; his name is the same as a children's play party song. Hint: his brothers were Matty, Jesus and Felipe.

Subject: RE: BS: Reptile Jokes
From: GUEST,CrazyEddie
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 03:50 AM

What do you call a dinosaur with only one eye?

Dyathinkesaurus!


Peace, this is a reptile thread. Please keep those amphibians out of here :o)

Subject: RE: BS: Reptile Jokes
From: topical tom
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 11:33 AM

Garter snake...because he doesn't have a leg to stand on? (Just the garter remains?)

   Okay, I'm out of here.

Subject: RE: BS: Reptile Jokes
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 11:44 AM

What do you call a dinosaur with only one eye?

Well, I'd call it a "dinosaur". If it had two eyes it would be a "diinosaur".

Subject: RE: BS: Reptile Jokes
From: John on the Sunset Coast
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 11:56 AM

"Who was the brother of a famous baseball trio of yore; his name is the same as a children's play party song. Hint: his brothers were Matty, Jesus and Felipe."

That would be Skip Tim, the forgotten Alou brother, my darlings.

Subject: RE: BS: Reptile Jokes
From: Doug Chadwick
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 12:53 PM

What do you call a dinosaur with only one eye?

Dyathinkesaurus!



What did the caveman say to his dog when he spotted a one-eyed dinosaur?








Dyathinkesaurus Rex?

Subject: RE: BS: Reptile Jokes
From: gnu
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 04:20 PM

Reader's Digest version... Koala bear is smoking a joint. A Gekko comes by, gets in on it and is thirsty and goes to the river for a drink and falls in and a croc asks him why he is messed up and Gekko tells him about bear and croc goes ashore and spots the bear and hollers at him and the bear : "Fuuuuck... duuude! How much water did you drink?"

Subject: RE: BS: Reptile Jokes
From: katlaughing
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 04:37 PM

topical tom, I LIKE it! Thanks!

Good one, Doug!

Subject: RE: BS: Reptile Jokes
From: Art Thieme
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 06:01 PM

And what to do with a dinosauer with three balls?

Walk him and pitch to the koala bear.

Subject: RE: BS: Reptile Jokes
From: Neil D
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 06:18 PM

A guy walks into a bar carrying a burlap sack. After getting everyones attention he pulls out an enormous snapping turtle, drops his drawers and lets the turle snap onto his penis. He lets it hang there swinging free for a count of ten and then he pokes it in the eye and it drops beck into the bag. Then he says "I've got fifty bucks that says nobody here's got the balls to try that!" There's dead silence for several seconds until from the back of the room a lisping voice says "I'll give it a try if you promise not to poke me in the eye when your finished."

Subject: RE: BS: Reptile Jokes
From: Gurney
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 08:05 PM

Two snakes talking.

"Hey, Jim, are we them sort of snakes what bites people and they shrivel up and go black, or are we them sort of snakes what wraps themselves around people and squeezes them 'till their eyeballs go bang?"

"Don't know really, never thought about it. Why do you ask?"


"I just bit my tongue, that's all."



You really should hear Mike Harding tell this one.

Subject: RE: BS: Reptile Jokes
From: GUEST,Jimb
Date: 07 Dec 15 - 11:51 AM

What is the most bs reptile?
A croc.

Subject: RE: BS: Reptile Jokes
From: GUEST,Frogprince
Date: 07 Dec 15 - 01:28 PM

donald trump is running for president.

Subject: RE: BS: Reptile Jokes
From: Joe_F
Date: 07 Dec 15 - 03:38 PM

Two cool cats are sitting on the end of a pier, feet dangling in the water.

"Hey, man, an alligator just bit off my leg."
"Which one?"
"Beats me. You seen one alligator, you seen 'em all."

Subject: RE: BS: Reptile Jokes
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 08 Dec 15 - 11:15 AM

Bringing in some music;

The death of cleopatra:

It's the biggest asp disaster in the world!

Subject: RE: BS: Reptile Jokes
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Dec 15 - 06:51 PM

Cleopatra had it wrong: Marc Antony was supposed to get a little asp.

Subject: RE: BS: Reptile Jokes
From: Donuel
Date: 08 Dec 15 - 07:32 PM

OWWW

sorry I thought that was a cloaca.