BS: Popular Views on Chongo

Subject: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Jun 08 - 11:33 AM

I think it sad that a major political figure like Chongo Chimp gets so little attention in the corporate mass media, and it indicates to what extent those media have been bought out by the same interests that would like you to keep going out there year after year like a robot and voting for no one except a handpicked $ySStem candidate...meaning a Democrat or a Republican.

Well, it's time something was done about it. This thread will allow people to speak their minds about Chongo Chimp and the Primate Party and the compelling program for change that they are offering to America.

Go to it, folks. ;-) I just know there's a groundswell of support brewing out there just waiting to make itself heard in this vital election year.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Ebbie
Date: 25 Jun 08 - 11:36 AM

Little Hawk, it is ever thus for the perennial presidential candidate. Be glad that it isn't worse.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Jun 08 - 11:41 AM

Oh, I AM glad that it isn't worse, I assure you... ;-) It could definitely be worse.

For instance, what if Bush and Cheney blew up Seattle, said that the "terrorists" had done it, declared martial law, suspended the presidential election for an indefinite period, and attacked Iran? That would be worse.

We need a REAL chimp in the Oval Office, not a moron from Texas who vaguely resembles a chimp.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jun 08 - 12:10 PM

I have it on the good authority of an email which was forwarded to me by my brother who had forwarded to him by some guy he was in the Army with who got it from an authoritative source that if Chongo were elected he'd just monkey around, if he didn't go ape.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jun 08 - 01:22 PM

There's a rumor goin' round that Chongo doesn't qualify for citizenship, having sprung full-blown from the fevered brow of an idiosyncratic Canadian guitar player with delusions of Shatnerian grandeur.


If true, he is not Amurrican and can't be elected no matter how much time he has spent in Chicago. Hios claims of having been born in an AMurrican zoo are not necessarily a good answer, as zoos, by their nature, are not Amurrican soil.




A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Jun 08 - 01:25 PM

Yes, that is a troubling issue. To open the door to Chongo might mean also opening the door to...Arnold Schwarzenneger!

Still, I think it is a risk worth taking at this juncture.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jun 08 - 01:49 PM

Well, see, Schwarznegger is "nach'l born", as far as we know--not a figment of some mammalucca's overheated imagination.

So Chongo is not going to slip-slide the issue that easily, as he just popped right out of the forehead of some chemical voyageur in the frozen North somewhere...

A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jun 08 - 02:55 PM

Amos, stop monkeying around! You know Chongo's from Chicago and those apes elect whoever they want. You can howler to the Supreme Court but lemur tell you, it ain't gonna do any good. So just gibbon the wagon and eat the bananas, 'cuz if you don't them rhesuses will cut you to pieceses.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Jun 08 - 03:02 PM

In an effort to ascertain what the truly popular views of Chongo are, I have recently taken an informal telephone poll. I called ten people at random and asked them "What do you think of Congo?" Their answers were as follows:

1) Click!

2) Who the fuck is Chongo?

3) No habla Ingles

4) Dave? Is that you Dave? Come on, quit foolin' around. I know it's you, Dave.

5) Click!

6) Yeah, dude, I remember Chongo. Went to see 'em in concert pack in the '90s. Had a really kick-ass bass player. What the fuck ever happened to 'em?

7) Who the fuck is Chongo?

8) Ook ook yeeeee! Phhhhhhhttttt!

9) Chongo? I wouldn't vote for that hairy poop-slinger if he was the last ape on earth!

10) Click!

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Jun 08 - 03:06 PM

No, I did not ask them "What do you think of Congo?", I asked them "What do you think of Chongo?" Just a typo. Nothing to see here. Move along, move along.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jun 08 - 03:13 PM

YEah, well, I have to go with answer #2, there, BeeDub. It just feels right to me, ya know?

A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jun 08 - 03:13 PM

I, too, made a few calls and got pretty much the sames responses as Bee-Dubya did. I got these as well:

1. Chongo? Hey, yeah man! Cheech and Chongo, right?

2. Is that that new grain from Ecuador or somewhere like that?

3. Do you have Prince Albert in the can?

4. Ain't that McCain's nickname from the Navy? I like McCain.

5. You call this number again and I'll kill your sorry ass.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Jun 08 - 03:44 PM

See? See what the corporate media has done? Well, the APP is not going to lie down and die for them. No sir! Chongo is goin' all the way to 600 Pennsylvania Avenue this time.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: GUEST,Chief Chaos
Date: 25 Jun 08 - 04:50 PM

Taking this seriously (as I'm not normally wont to do) I'm not sure what's worse, that we're talking about electing a fictional character (who lives large in my mind as I was a contributor to a couple of his adventures)that was born in Africa in the mind of a Canadian (not that there's anything wrong with being Canadian (as Seinfeld might say)), or that I would seriously like to see Chongo's name on the ballot!

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jun 08 - 06:09 PM

...all the way to 600 Pennsylvania Avenue...

Why does Chongo want to go to Seward Square?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Jun 08 - 07:02 PM

Did I get the address wrong? Well, he wants to go to the White House. Furthermore, he intends to paint the White House green after he moves in...a nice lush tropical green with bright gold trim and roofs done in solid brass plating. It'll be called either the Green House from then on...or maybe the Tree House.

This will symbolize a number of things, including Chongo's intention to seriously take on environmental cleanup of America's air, water, and ecosystems, plus a big reforestation plan for the 50 states and Puerto Rico.

He also intends to break up the large companies that are dominating the marketing of crops like bananas and oranges by passing tough new legislation to prevent corporate monopolies. Chongo says that any business that is dominated by a handful of major corporations is no good for America or anybody else either.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jun 08 - 08:24 PM

Oh, that's right--he hasn't learned about money yet. I forgot. Maybe you should invest in some monopoly game bucks, LH, so he can get the idea...



A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 25 Jun 08 - 08:46 PM

I knew the value of money long before you was crawling around in diapers, Amos. I am a believer in small businesses and independent capitalism. Businesses run by the local people FOR the local people and employin' the local people. I am also in favor of strong environmental protection laws. I am not in favor of giant corporations turnin' a whole goddam island or a whole province in some Third World country into an ecological disaster by cuttin' down all the forests and plantin' ONE friggin' crop (like sugar or coffee or bananas) everywhere and destroyin' the soil and drivin' out all the wild animals and leavin' the place a wasteland......just so a bunch of fat bozos in the USA can get addicted to caffeine and destroy their health by eating at McDonalds.

Capiche?

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jun 08 - 10:28 PM

Or Tim Horton's. All that sugar comes from somewhere, Chongo. Let's bomb Canada.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jun 08 - 10:36 PM

Flip-flopping already, flap-ears? Your cry for environmental concern and better diet is a little different than what you were saying a minute ago. Sheesh. Drop by Obama's HQ and offer to serve an apprenticeship, maybe.

Let me add that unless you were dreamed up in LH's last lifetime your claim of seniority is probably as well-founded as your claim for eligibility for office, or any qualification therefore.

You will do better sticking to your cheap gats and your pricey bimbos, pal. I cannot even believe I am sitting here typing out an argument with an imaginary chimpanzee!!


A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 25 Jun 08 - 11:25 PM

Yeah? Well, I can't believe I'm wastin' any of my breath talkin' to you either, pal. You could bore a hole right through the wall at Leavenworth worth yer line of pathetic HooHa. Get a job as a used car salesman, buddy, cos I think you just might have enough class fer that line of work. Maybe...

And if that fails, try pearl divin' at the local hash house. It's only minimum wage, but the work is always steady, specially on weekends.

- Chongo

p.s. If I'm elected, I will raise the minimum wage by $1.50. Give that some serious thought, cos I think it might make a big difference in yer future.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jun 08 - 11:34 PM

Nah, ain't gonna happen. For one thing, there are no imaginary animals in my future. Not even monkeys.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: GUEST,Grape Ape
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 08:25 AM

All us fictional cartoon apes is in full support of our bro Chongo. He can depend on me and Magilla Gorilla and Ape from "George of the Jungle" and we is doin' our best to spread the gospel to non-cartoon apes as well. We was workin' on the cast of the "Planet of the Apes" movies, but had whatchacall a setback when we found out those "apes" was really humans dressed up t' look like apes. Go figger.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 08:43 AM

        Chongo

in River Plate region is used as follow:

Uruguay: 1) Male prostitute that acts usually as the active part or top, they are generally young under educated males with good bodies and well hung.
2) A male person who is poorly educated, with bad manners, a cheezy taste in clothes and hairdos(usually the most important is showing off a Nike pair of shoes). They listen to cumbia, specially cumbia villera and latin comercial booms as reggaeton. In this way you may also say chonga for females but in this case is most used as cheap whore or slut. Some synonyms are terraja and guiso (guisa for female).

Argentina: Mostly in Buenos Aires is used to name masculine acting homosexuals and rarely to refer to male prostitutes.

From the "Urban Dictionary"....

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 10:06 AM

And there you have it, eh? Authoritarian sources have been consulted.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 11:39 AM

That's just typical of the kind of scurrilous mudslinging one can expect during an election campaign. I doubt that anyone with more than half a brain in his head will take it seriously.

And why isn't Ron Davies raving away on this thread and demanding "proof"? Hmmm? I'll tell you why. He's scared. He knows that there is an unstoppable ground swell building to put Chongo in the White House.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 12:25 PM

A...rendering...of Chongo.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 12:31 PM

LOL!!! Well, that's kind of cute, isn't it?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 12:41 PM

Not only is it cute, it really is "Chongo". Google image search for "Chongo Chimp"

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 12:43 PM

Gad. Isn't that amazing. Someone has stolen my idea and is making money with it. I must consult my lawyers at once and see if I can cash in on this.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 12:56 PM

While you're consluting with your lawyers, LH, you might want to see if anyone's marketing a "Shane McBride Action Figure" or a "Penelope Rutledge" doll. If they are, find out if they also have a "Veronica Rutledge" doll. I'll take two.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 12:59 PM

Good idea. Either the Penelope Rutledge doll or the Veronica Rutledge doll would be a pretty hot item, that's for sure.

And the Shane McBride Action Figure would be frikkin' hilarious!

Christ, I'm sitting on a goldmine here....

By the way, I don't "conslut" with my lawyers. I consult with them. I want to emphasize that.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 01:39 PM

It depends upon the lawyer, LH. I know lawyers and believe me, whether you "consult" or "conslut" with them depends upon the lawyer.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 05:55 PM

I've never consluted with a lawyer, but I did have a couple of memorable evenings with a paralegal.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 06:44 PM

As long as it's consensual conslutment, it's okay.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 07:01 PM

Well, you conslut with lawyers, you'll wake up smelling like a French whorehouse, as old Rudy used to say...


A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 07:28 PM

Little Hawk, conslutment is neither consensual nor nonconsensual. It's the conslutation that needs to be consensual. The conslutment comes afterwords along with the cigarette.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 09:24 PM

You betcha, Bee-Dubya! And the lawyer is charging you for all of it, even if the matches to light the cigarettes are yours.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 09:25 PM

Heh! Okay. That sounds about right. Now let's get back to putting a REAL chimp in the White House this time!

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Jun 08 - 11:55 AM

Okay, so we can the thread drift and go back to the actual subject of the thread and what happens? The thread falls toward the bottom of the page like someone has attached an anchor to it. Doesn't exactly bode well for Chongo's political aspirations, huh?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: gnu
Date: 27 Jun 08 - 12:30 PM

A chimp instead of a chump?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jun 08 - 12:31 PM

Well now that George "Low Rent Poppa" Hawk has revealed tot he world that Chongo drinks straight whiskey, and lots of it, he is washed up. If Chongo fires Low Rent as campaign staff in an effort to pivot from the scandal, nomore Little Hawk Alter Ego. Pfft!!



A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Jun 08 - 12:31 PM

Well, a lot of humans are afraid to speak up and voice open support for a chimp. That's what's really going on here. There's more specism out there than you might think.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jun 08 - 12:32 PM

Popular opinion states that Chongo would allow everyone to have guns if he is elected, that in fact everyone would be required to own at least three of them.

But Chongo would have all the ammo.

Is this true?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 10:46 AM

By Chongo's silence I assume that it is true.

Here's another: Chongo is actually the offspring of a chimpanzee and a Silverback, and he went to a Rhesus School when he was young.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 12:45 PM

Chongo is definitely in favor of private gun ownership, Rapaire, and lots of it. He has no intention of keeping all the ammo to himself, however. To quote him, "That wouldn't be any fun at all, and anyway, I ain't got the room here for it."

Chongo doesn't mind if anyone over the age of majority owns a gun as long as they don't misuse it. If they do, of course, then the usual laws are brought to bear upon them. As for kids, Chongo figures it's fine for them to have BB guns and pellet guns and stuff like that, because to deprive a kid of the joys of shooting at tin cans and toy soldiers would be "an offence against childhood", to quote him again.

Now, as for the other stuff about Chongo's family background, that is just ridiculous and outrageous! What hole did that one crawl out from under? Chongo's family is 100% proudly chimpanzee and always has been, although he is also proud to have good friends and associates among both Silverbacks and Rhesus...indeed among all primates.

The rumors that Angelina Jolie is presently bearing Chongo's "love child" (unbeknownst to Brad Pitt) are also a complete falsehood.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 12:55 PM

And the bonobo in the family closet? The "free-love among the species" rallies in Golden Gate Park back in the Sixties? The rude remarks about Darwin written in feces on the wall of the National Science Institute? All complete falsehoods? A likely tale, Little Hawk.



A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 01:06 PM

LOL! (couldn't help myself)

I don't really see why Chongo should even respond to this sort of wild innuendo.

He was talking to me today about starting up a website to answer all these false allegations and disprove them one by one. He wanted to call it "The Straight Dope". I said to him, "Chongo, that expression 'dope' has taken on a different connotation since the 40's, and I think that people might misinterpret it and think you were talking about marijuana or something. You also have to stop calling women 'dames' all the time. It doesn't go over well."

He looked surprised. "Really? Hell, it goes over fine among the people I hang out with. It's a term of respect. I'd call 'em 'chippies' or 'pro skirts' if I didn't respect 'em."

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 01:30 PM

Is it true that Chongo has been "contributing" to Chicago politicians for years in order to keep his family from being locked up in the Brookfield Zoo?

Will Chongo deny (if he can) that he dropped out of school and smuggled reefer in from Mexico and thereby helped destroy America's Youth?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 02:01 PM

ANd by the way, has he ever voted on any issue of any importance whatsoever? Has he ever done anything? Or is it all words?



A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 10:59 PM

Has he now or has he ever flip-flopped like a hooked fish in the bottom of the boat?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Don Firth
Date: 29 Jun 08 - 03:08 PM

Well, I dunno. From all the political slogans I've heard over my lifetime, "GO APE!!" is certainly a lot better than most.

Don Firth

P. S. Popular views of Chongo? "Umm . . . hairy. Very hairy."

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jun 08 - 03:47 PM

Wow--this is turning into a real knuckle-dragger!



A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jun 08 - 10:29 PM

Of course, we all know Chongo's got a little tail....

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jun 08 - 10:32 PM

Ah, you can kiss Chongo's butt-- for thereby, hangs a tale indeed.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jun 08 - 11:04 PM

I can't imagine that would be a very popular view, Amos.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jun 08 - 11:58 PM

ONe that takes getting used to, I am sure...



A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 12:09 AM

Chimpanzees are completely tail-less. Specially when they are heading uptown in a fast getaway car.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 05:00 PM

Just go ahead and keep throwin' yer crap, ya buncha useless shills. None of it is gonna stick to this ape's wall. After the inauguration I will be lightin' up a brand new cigar in the Oval Office and considerin' my next move while you bozos are still standin' around in shock and wonderin' what the hell happened.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 05:57 PM

Well, we sure would, you're right about that. The last time they put a chimp in office it took us four years to figger it out...



A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 11:32 PM

Boy, it would make a hell of a good movie! LOL! It would make "Wild in the Streets" look very tame by comparison. I have to put together a script and see if Oliver Stone or somebody of that calibre will take it on.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 08:38 AM

What would? People throwing crap at the walls to see if it sticks?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 09:46 AM

People have been doing that forever; but with a Chimp in the Oval Office it would be a new means of defining foreign policy.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 01:52 PM

I mean, Rapaire, that a movie about a dark horse candidate who is a chimpanzee unexpectedly confounding both the Democrats and Republicans, winning the election, and being inaugurated as president, and taking over the Oval Office...that would be a hell of a movie! An epic. And Charlton Heston isn't around anymore to do anything about it either.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 04:53 PM

YEah--you could call it "No Tail To Wag".....



A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 05:10 PM

I dunno. I think a movie about people throwing crap at the wall could be very popular.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 06:27 PM

Hmmm...."Crap Being Thrown Against the Wall" with Bush and Rove in the title roles. Sure-fire winner.



A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 10:50 PM

No, that would be "Crap Stood Against The Wall."

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 11:40 PM

From CNN:

"LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- A 42-year-old chimpanzee who is toilet-trained and can eat with a knife and fork is believed to be at large in a Southern California forest after escaping his cage.


Moe the chimp, seen in a file photo, has been missing since Friday.


The chimp, named Moe, disappeared Friday from Jungle Exotics, which trains animals for the entertainment industry.

He wandered into a house next door, surprising construction workers, who saw him head for a nearby mountain.

A weekend search in the San Bernardino National Forest 50 miles east of Los Angeles came up empty.

"I yelled his name out for hours, for hours, with no one else around. Nothing. Not even a hoot," said LaDonna Davis, who owns Moe with husband St. James Davis.

The Davises, who raised Moe in suburban West Covina for more than three decades, contracted a helicopter to fly over the forest Saturday and Sunday, hoping the noise would flush Moe out of hiding, said Mike McCasland, who's serving as the couple's spokesman. "That's the one thing that does spook him," he said.

"We think he may be hunkered down near a water source," said McCasland. "We think he's in a contained area a quarter-mile away, but he's probably disoriented, and the brush is extremely heavy."


Searchers also were making noise and calling Moe's name as they scoured the forest.

...

---

That does it. When they find out it was Chongo's doing, this campaign is over. Claiming he liberated her by stealth because he also wanted to be toilet trained and to learn to eat with a fork, will not be accepted as an excuse and the New York Times can't keep on turning a blind eye. They'll have to run it. I'm afraid the balloon's gone up now, Little Hawk...

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 09:12 AM

The escaped chimp, Moe, is male according to the story.

If Amos is right, is the US ready for its first gay chimp President?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 10:43 AM

That's a major story, there, Rapaire. Contact the New Yorker. I think they'll buy it.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 12:13 PM

Moe has clearly run off to join the campaign to make Chongo president. He is probably to be found working at the local APP headquarters, not up on that mountain.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 12:18 PM

Actually, he wanted to offer Chongo his priapistic banana, but he got intercepted by a meandering Bonobo about thirty miles outside Evanston. Or it mighta been Spaw, I'm not clear on the details.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 12:20 PM

Spaw is not connected with the APP.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 12:32 PM

Ooooh, quick on the disclasimer, old lad. You say that now, but there is evidence that the four largest campaign contributors to Chongo's warchest have been the three Reg boys.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 12:33 PM

If so, they are going to be very happy in November when their hopes are vindicated.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 12:38 PM

You should have been a politician, LH. SUch a tapdancer!!!


A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 01:02 PM

Warch, Warcher, Warchest?

"There a warch guy over there."

"That's the warcher thing I've ever seen!"

"That Chongo is the warchest!"

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 09:41 PM

Good Lord, I just realized that the entire thrust of this thread has been wrong!

The title is "Popular Views on Chongo." Not "about", but "on".

Ergo, Chongo must be tattooed and we are to discuss his various tattoos. I supposed he was shaved when he had them done, so we'd have to shave him again to see them. I suspect that they are landscapes, perhaps Renoir and similar artists.

LH, could you please grab Chongo and shave him so that we can discuss this?

Thank you.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 09:57 PM

Ummm...why don't you try grabbing Chongo and shaving him, Rapaire?

I may have my blind spots, but I am not entirely stupid, you know...

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 10:00 PM

Because he's not here; he's with you up in the Great Frozen North.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 10:20 PM

Sometimes he is, yes, but he spends a lot of time in Chicago, and these days he's mostly out on the campaign trail. Anyway, what I'm saying is that it's not a good idea to try to shave Chongo. You'd need about four or five gorillas to hold him down while you did it...and then you'd need a fast car to parts unknown right afterward.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 08:45 AM

Which is why I think you should do it...or at least arrange it.

I drive a ten-year-old Honda Civic, not one of those flashy new sports cars like you do.

But have you considered a sedative dart? BLOOP! and he's out and wakes up shaved.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 01:01 PM

Oh, Christ.

Yeah. Great idea. Uh-huh.

Only I won't be the one to do it.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 01:53 PM

Get "Shane" to do it if/when he's ever out of the slammer.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 06:28 PM

Ha! Yeah, he is just stupid enough to do something like that. Specially if someone dared him to.

Hmmm....

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 07:13 PM

I dare him to; and a double-dog dare to let Chongo know ahead of time what the plan is.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 06:51 PM

And using dull, rusty clippers!

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 06:54 PM

BAck to the issue of Chongo, he's a flipflopper. He says he believes in peace between species and open trade and so on, while he actually voted for the 1998 PAMDWAC Act (acronym for its title, "Pound All Monkeys Dead with a Club".

If this is the kind of hypocrite he is, who wants him in office? Our species can elect plent of hypocrites from it sown ranks without going simian-shopping.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 10:45 PM

He also supported the North American Free Trade In Blonds Act (NAFTIBA), which would have allowed the free exchange of blond bimbos from the Arctic Circle to the end of the Isthmus of Panama.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Jul 08 - 12:30 AM

The monkey thing is not true! Chongo only appeared to be in favor of that piece of legislation at the time because it was then tied in to a number of other key initiatives in a piece of legislation which he was deeply opposed to, and he knew that if the outrageous monkey proviso was added to the package, then the entire LFEUFE* bill would be stopped dead in its tracks and never get passed! It was a master stroke on Chongo's part and you should all thank him for it, because if he had not done as he did you would all be forced to buy Kraft Chunky Peanut Butter, wear Gap clothing, and listen to American Idol CDs for the rest of your lives!

The one about the blondes, however, is true. Chongo has always been in favor of placing no restrictions whatsoever on the free movements of bimbos (blonde, brunette or redhead) throughout the Americas. In fact, Chongo would like to free up the bimbo trade with Europe, Africa, and Asia as well.

*(LFEUFE: Let's Fuck Everything Up For Everyone!)

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jul 08 - 11:13 AM

Explain, if you can, his unwavering support for the unjustified invasion of Indiana! Explain his statement, "Hell, just nuke Indianapolis."

Explain his testimony before the House Select Committee On Unspeakable Things in which he said, "There is absolutely no way to justify the continued existence of New Brunswick, that blight upon the fair face of the World. The sooner we gas 'em all the better for everybody."

Or his press release of just two weeks ago in which he said, "George W. Bush and Richard Cheney are the models for all US Presidents and Vice-Presidents in the future. Two more intelligent and patriotic men have never held office in the US."

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jul 08 - 12:32 AM

Can't do it, eh? I thought so.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Jul 08 - 02:33 PM

Yes, I think Chongo should explain his "Hell, just nuke Indianapolis," comment. After all, if you stay on the loop you can pretty much avoid the whole damnable place. Why wouldn't "Hell, just ignore Indianapolis," work just as well?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jul 08 - 03:30 PM

Having driven the circle around Indy more times than I like to remember, I wish it could be ignored. Everyone who drives it has delusions that they're driving a combination of the 500 and a Demolition Derby.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jul 08 - 11:39 PM

Chongo should also explain this.    DNA tests are positive, and the mother (an orangatuan) is filing suit for child support.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jul 08 - 12:30 AM

Wow-- that's one helluva lively looking little baby!


A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Jul 08 - 01:31 AM

Boy, I spend a beautiful weekend relaxing at the Mariposa Folk Festival and listening to wonderful musicians, and I come back to this.

Sheesh.

I hardly think that the APP or Chongo need even acknowledge these scurrillous allegations.

(I can sort of understand the bit about Indianapolis, though...)

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Jul 08 - 08:56 AM

The baby orangutan in that picture is in no way related to Chongo. It's pretty obvious that the critter's real father is, in fact, Don King.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jul 08 - 09:18 AM

Kid's got Chongo's usual look on his face.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jul 08 - 06:09 PM

Since Chongo can't take the time to answer these charges one must assume:

1. They are all true, and
2. Chongo is lying drunk in a gutter somewhere.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Jul 08 - 11:50 PM

Boy, you are really asking for it, man. First Shane wants to kill you...now I can see it getting to the point where Chongo might just decide to interrupt his busy campaign schedule and pay a little visit to Pocatello, Idaho to "straighten you out".

He's a patient ape, but there are limits, you know.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Donuel
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 08:20 AM

I am on the side of the Palestinians and Isrealies.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Donuel
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 08:21 AM

well that clearly wnet to the wrong thread
or not.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 09:16 AM

Do you think that I am afraid of Chongo? Should he come visiting I'd make Rhesus pieces out of him and serve him up as an appetizer at the Legion Hovel.

As for "Shane" -- when HE gets out he'll more likely want to kiss me than kill me. Prison will have, ah, changed him (if it hasn't already).

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 10:33 AM

I am sorry to report, Rapaire, that the threat to make Rhesus pieces out of Chongo is the funniest thing you've ever said on the Cat!! LOL


A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 12:50 PM

Yeah. LOL! That was pretty droll.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 08:53 PM

Yeah, a real Howler.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 01:56 AM

Stop monkeying around. This is a serious thread, eh?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 09:43 AM

Well, since Chongo can't or won't answer the objections made to his candidacy, why should we take him seriously?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 11:14 AM

Yeah, yeah, I know. He'll go negative and start slinging the shit. His kind always do.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 01:31 PM

What makes you think that your scurrilous mudslinging attacks are worth any of Chongo's valuable time in responding to? Do you think he has nothing better to do? He's engaged in a political crusade that will put a bunch of bananas on every kitchen counter in America, a treehouse in every backyard, and King Kong's face on Mount Rushmore. He hasn't got time to waste dealing with small fry rumormongers like you.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: GUEST,In My Neighborhood
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 01:39 PM

Now, I don't know if this is coincidence or not, but I opened the front to door of my house, this morning, and there on the doorstep was a bunch of bananas. Looks to me as if Chongo is well and truly on the campaign trail

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 01:47 PM

There you go. ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 03:26 PM

Name calling isn't answering legitimate questions about the candidates morals, ethics, and truthfulness.

Is it true that Chongo doesn't steal as much when he's sober as when he's drunk?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 04:40 PM

LOL!!! GREEAAAT question, Rapaire. I think that Chongo will presently stoop to answering some of these unscrupulous questions of yours, but he's awfully busy right now. And so am I.

So hold onto that thought.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Lord Batman's Kitchener
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 04:43 PM

Besides which those so-called incriminating photographs were proved to be composities, and complete forgeries!

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 09:23 AM

So were the DNA tests, I suppose! They were only confirmed by three different labs using double-blind methods.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 01:01 PM

Another case of the blind leadin' the blind, Rapaire? You sure it wasn't triple-blind methods? Boy, I can see that you bozos in the opposition are gettin' really desperate with some of the bogus rabbits you are pullin' out of the hat here. Those lepuses won't jump. You are beginnin' to realize that my campaign is gainin' unstoppable momentum and you're goin' into a blind panic. You don't worry me a bit. None of this garbage is gonna stick to me.

Every town and city I go to in America is filled with people and primates who are bandin' together in a single cause...to kick out the corrupt forces that have all but destroyed the great America we once knew and loved. I represent CHANGE, buddy. Change that is sorely needed. I am gonna sweep away the corruption and the malaise that has afflicted our nation and filled our streets with disaffected youth and drug dealers and gangs. I am gonna clean up the environment so that America can breathe free again. I am gonna restore dignity and pride to this nation and win the respect of the international community with a brand new foreign policy that does not resemble a bad script written by Groucho Marx on the back of a lipstick-stained napkin during an all-night whisky bender.

Just watch me.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Lord Batman's Kitchener
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 01:05 PM

'They were only confirmed by three different labs using double-blind methods.'

And now all the empolyees of the said labs are on vacation at a VERY exclusive resort in the West Indies, and have memberships in an equally exclusive club in New York...can you explain these 'coincidences'?

Inquiring minds need to know!

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 01:09 PM

Ole Chongo's gonna be caught in a double-bind experiment when the new flick based on some of his adventures comes out in the fall. The whole story about his infiltrating NASA and stealing a space shuttle will come out. "Space Chimps" may be a box office hit, but it will ruin Chongo's public image.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: An Buachaill Caol Dubh
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 02:18 PM

Might I ask whether Chongo has any particular cultural interests? Does he rate music above visual or plastic art? What is his position on the Movies? Has he seen the intrepid Chimps from the film "Project X"? And which countries can expect an official visit once America learns sense and elects a leader who will scare the living daylights out of any other politician, Mugabe included? Will he, in a gesture of peace and reconciliation, unveil a monument to the monkey cruelly persecuted in Hartlepool, England, more than two centuries ago?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 03:25 PM

Danged small change....

I'd like to know where he stands on a monument to Ham.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: An Buachaill Caol Dubh
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 11:10 AM

Ham? Is it to be hewn of wood, or drawn in watercolour? Or am I missing something here?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Lord Batman's Kitchener
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 11:13 AM

Rumour has it that the monument to Ham is to be sculpture. The medium to be used? Mashed bananas, with a varnish finish.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 12:54 PM

Ham.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Lord Batman's Kitchener
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 01:12 PM

Ham's backup, Minnie.
Stories have circulated at intervals, that Minnie was more than "just Ham's backup" So I think we need a joint memorial. What is Chongo's position on this?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 01:51 PM

Ham was mentioned at the end of the movie Race to Space, a fictionalized story of the first chimp in space.
Ham is mentioned in Grant Morrison's The Filth, where he is derided as "Handsome Ham, the John Glenn of the apes" by the Soviet chimp-assassin Dmitri-9. Later, he appears in a hallucination, congratulating Dmitri-9 for his accomplishments just before the assassin is hit by a train.
Ham is discussed in the first series of The Ricky Gervais Show Podcast.
He is referenced as the grandfather of protagonist Ham III in the upcoming movie Space Chimps and being the sole reason he is picked for the mission in the first place.
In 2008, Bark Hide & Horn, a folk-rock band from Portland, Oregon, released a song titled, "Ham the Astrochimp," detailing the journey of Ham from his perspective.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 09:49 AM

The NEw York Times defends Chongo's rights in a history-making breakthrough editorial.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 09:52 AM

...and readers discuss the issue.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 03:27 PM

Why, does this mean that in the US Chongo has no rights? That he cannot, for example, peacefully assemble to petition of redress of grievances?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 03:31 PM

We won't know until he is first thoroughly disassembled.

We're sent LH a petition to address this, but he obstinately refuses to answer.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Donuel
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 04:26 PM

The sequel to Space Chimps, 'Chongo goes to White Tower' is already in the works.

Who has the rights or copyright to Chongo?

Little Hawk?

or did he forget to copyright?

heh heh heh

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 05:37 PM

Chongo is busy assembling. Peacefully, of course.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 06:29 PM

There has been a persistent rumour that Chongo actually plans to take out the local White Tower by flying a chartered Cessna into it.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 10:00 PM

Oh, I thought you said he was going to take out the White CASTLE by flying a paper airplane into it.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 10:50 PM

I am well-impressed by the action being taken in Spain and Austria. Once again, Europe leads the USA on the key moral issues of our times.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 11:28 PM

Like what? Equal rights for chuimps?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 11:36 PM

YEah, I meant the White Castle, the slide-burgers place just off Welles.

Anyway, Chongo is not going to come out for equal rights for all chimps until he gets the nomination and the act has already passed.

Smart, safe, and careful.



A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Donuel
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 01:37 PM

Kumar and Chongo go to White Castle.

I stand corrected.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 03:14 PM

Do you realize that "Chongo" spelled backwards is "Ognohc," who is one of Satan's most evil demons? I think that Chongo should deal with this immediately if not sooner or he'll lose the Right Wing Evangelical Pseudochristian vote.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 03:24 PM

He's clearly the diametrical opposite of Ognohc in every way. This can only be good. Evangelicals will be flocking to Chongo's support when the news gets out on that.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 04:39 PM

Riiiiiiiiight...unless you understand the subliminal message is playing his name backwards. And it's even worse if you play it backwards and sort of slantwise.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 07:17 PM

Hell, yeah!! Those mystical righties will swear up and down he';s the second coming of...well...of King Kong!



A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jul 08 - 12:13 PM

That's Chongo's strength, you see. He can play to both sides of the divide and pull in support from both the Left and the Right.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 08 - 01:05 PM

And also beat his chest and yell "Kreegah!!!" and drool, when necessary, to impress the gorilla demographic.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jul 08 - 01:34 PM

You're saying that he, ah, "swings both ways"? That probably won't sit well with some folks....

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jul 08 - 02:11 PM

You can't please everybody.

What I'm saying is that Chongo has a very "broad" appeal.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: GUEST,Rep (D) Pixie Hotmuffin
Date: 16 Jul 08 - 02:13 PM

Yes, we've been hearing alot about Chongo's "broad" appeal......

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Emma B
Date: 16 Jul 08 - 02:18 PM

I see what you mean

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jul 08 - 02:21 PM

LOL! Now there is probably the key photo of this entire friggin' election campaign! Boy, oh boy....

Who IS that girl???

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: GUEST,Rep (D) Pixie Hotmuffin
Date: 16 Jul 08 - 02:26 PM

Well I deny it's me....

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jul 08 - 02:48 PM

She looks a lot like the young Joan Baez did. Chongo has always had a thing for slender brunettes.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jul 08 - 03:43 PM

Are you saying the Joan Baez had Chongo's love child??

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jul 08 - 08:57 PM

No! But...gosh...do ya think...maybe???

Yikes.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jul 08 - 11:08 AM

Wow. Chongo's influence has even penetrated the NY Times. He's better than I thought.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Jul 08 - 12:10 PM

That's a very timely article by the New York Times. It's clear to me that Chongo's campaign has "shaken the trees" and awoken a lot of people in high places. Yep, the coconuts are falling thick and fast now, and he that gets hurt will be he who has stalled...when one of those coconuts lands right on his fat head. Chongo's campaign is gonna shake your windows and rattle your walls. Rank specism will be tolerated no longer in the US of A, for the Times they are a-changin'!

*** THIS time let's put a REAL CHIMP in the WHITE HOUSE! ****

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jul 08 - 09:29 AM

Why should we elect someone who had denied his own sister?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Emma B
Date: 22 Jul 08 - 09:46 AM

Are the press rumours true that Chongo's sister is a secret tea drinker

Is there no respect left for the patriots of 1773?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jul 08 - 01:55 PM

If I know Chinga, that is not tea in the cup she's holding. She learned early on that a discrete mixture of vodka and black coffee will take on the exact coloration of fresh Earl Gray.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Riginslinger
Date: 22 Jul 08 - 09:55 PM

The Smirking Chimp got elected to a second term!

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Emma B
Date: 23 Jul 08 - 01:41 PM

I think he could swing it!

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Jul 08 - 03:36 PM

Great picture!!! That looks like that "gal pal" Chongo had last year over in Minnesota when he was cracking that case about the big banana heist. Cherisse, I think it was. She clearly has fond memories of primates. Maybe we can recruit her for the APP campaign.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Teribus
Date: 23 Jul 08 - 06:41 PM

Last post:


Little Hawk - PM
Date: 23 Jul 08 - 03:36 PM

Great picture!!! That looks like that "gal pal" Chongo had last year over in Minnesota when he was cracking that case about the big banana heist. Cherisse, I think it was. She clearly has fond memories of primates. Maybe we can recruit her for the APP campaign.

Man talking to himself - Fuckin' pathetic or what????

Tell you what LH bring Shane into the conversation then you'll all be happy.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Jul 08 - 08:11 PM

We're already all happy here, mate. ;-) But thanks anyway. Life is a masquerade.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jul 08 - 09:19 PM

YOUR life is a masquerade because I created it so. MY life is reality, but I do not let anyone else exist therein for you could not cope with it. Only I have the mental toughness and debility to do so.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Jul 08 - 11:46 PM

I believe you. ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 17 Feb 09 - 11:16 AM

I hope this isn't a friend of Chongo's.

A 200-pound pet chimpanzee in Stamford, Conn., Monday viciously mauled a woman he had known for years, leaving her critically injured with much of her face torn away, the authorities said. The animal was shot dead by the police after he assaulted an officer in his car.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Feb 09 - 11:46 AM

Sheesh. Not a pleasant story.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 17 Feb 09 - 12:17 PM

Actually, Chongo was on the lame and lying low, see, trying to avoid the detection by some East Side gorillas who were interested in his immediate extinction, so to speak. So he hired out as a pet for a white family who thought he could be trained. Everything went fine, the heat was almost off, and he was thinking about getting back int he game, when the gal he was acting like a pet for heard the story from a lawyer visitng from the Midwest and put two and two together. When she asked him if it was true what he had done back in Chicago before they met, he went completely nuts and tried to take her face off. The cops showed up, and, BLAM!! Bedtime for Bonzo, checkout for Chongo, it was all over.

Those who live by the rod die by the rod, see?



A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Feb 09 - 12:20 PM

Oh, be off with you.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 17 Feb 09 - 02:14 PM

Nah, it was Chongo who got offed. Some say it was actually suicide by cop, as the expression goes. Lying low, hiding his true nature, living on the lam, started to let the guilt of his many past bad acts seep into his consciousness without the rattle and clatter of city life to keep it at bay. So he started realizing what a shit he had been to poor Chinga and their Mom, and a lot of other evil stuff he had done, and realized this whole lifetime had been a waste, without merit or integrity, and he grew desperate in his soul, see. So when the moment came, he broke, and was rubbed out by the very cops he had so often reviled.

Too bad, Chongo. We all wish you better karma next time around--just remember to care for your sister, if you get one.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 17 Feb 09 - 03:04 PM

I thought of Chongo straight away when I saw that story. Really glad it wasn't him. Feel bad for the victim, the chimp, and the owner but a chimp is probably not the best choice for a house pet.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Feb 09 - 04:54 PM

They get more problematical as they get older.

Come to think of it, the same is true of humans. Take Amos, for instance. When still a young man he was charming, presentable, courteous, and honest...but what a change the years have wrought! (Or should I say "rot"?) He is now a pathological liar, a rumourmongering political dirty trickster, a character assassin, a dipsomaniacal voyeur, and a dabbler in cross-species sexual liasons of the lowest sort. If he were someone's pet, I'm afraid there would only be one solution at this point....

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 17 Feb 09 - 05:17 PM

I am really disgusted to see people makin' fun of this tragic incident! It's clear to me that Travis was one of them "bush chimps" who had not fully adjusted yet to life in civilization. Oh, he was partly adjusted...he knew a few things about furniture, computers, and household stuff, he knew about riding in cars...but he couldn't drive one. He was still basically a bush chimp. Bush chimps ain't got nothin' wrong with them, it's just that they ain't had enough experience of human civilization to have a clear understanding of what's goin' on at different times and what is allowed and what ain't. They can mistake somethin' completely innocent for a threat. If they do, then they are liable to either run away...or attack. Travis attacked. It's just a horrible tragedy for all concerned is what it is. My heart goes out to the lady he attacked, to Travis himself, and to the other lady that he was livin' with. It's very, very sad.

Amos, you are a real scumbag, but it ain't worth my time to come down to San Diego and straighten you out. Be glad of that, chump. Be glad.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 17 Feb 09 - 07:28 PM

Gawd, how many fake chimpanzees are there in the world? Now we have pretenders posing as Chongo from beyond the grave!! And little Hack is streaming scurrilous defamations that most people wouldn't stand for, but says I am a character assassin!!! Unmitigated brazen gall, innit??

I didn't make up Chongo's long string of bloodied corpses, heart-broken dames, and empty gin bottles. Those were made up by Little Hawk, who decided in a fit of whimsy to try to write like Mike Hammer one afternoon when there was nothing good on E-Bay. Instead, he ended up writing like a chimp himself. But, really, I think we have enough artificial simians in these parts to satisfy even his sordid appetites.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Feb 09 - 12:03 AM

And how would you know what satisfies my "sordid appetites"?

For some reason I can't fathom, you and Rapaire have a penchant for insisting that various of my digital buddies are dead. I find this odd. Could you be compensating for some loss that you yourselves have suffered? If so, what was it?

Anyway, I don't need to defend Chongo here. He can defend himself quite adequately. I would advise, Amos, that you not visit Chicago any time soon...or if you do, travel incognito. And wear a mask. Chongo knows what you look like.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Ebbie
Date: 18 Feb 09 - 10:15 AM

Chongo is needed over at the English Grammatical Howlers' thread. It involves an underground tunnel, "18 feet wide and 3 feet tall".

lol

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Feb 09 - 03:02 PM

It's not my fault that Shame got hisself offed. He got drunk and stumbled into a cesspit, murmuring "Mmmmm, mmmm, GOOD!" as he went down for the third time.

Poor old chappy. Offisa Dana hasn't been the same since, singing and laughing and enjoying life now.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 19 Feb 09 - 09:37 AM

And its not M

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 19 Feb 09 - 01:59 PM

You left the period off the end of that last sentence, Einstein.

I guess it don't matter, though, cos you got nothin' really to say anyways. Nothin' anyone wants to hear, I mean.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: An Buachaill Caol Dubh
Date: 19 Feb 09 - 02:29 PM

"Why take pains to prove that an ape is not a Newton, when it is evidently not a man?" William Wordsworth.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: GUEST,mg
Date: 19 Feb 09 - 04:04 PM

Afraid I can not join in the merriment here. That poor woman had her face wripped off and eaten perhaps, as well as her fingers chewed off, according to some. What a moronic, stupid idiotic "mother" that chimp has..then going on TV and saying he was my son (it gets worse), etc. We have to protect society from people with terrible mental issues, and she did lose her daughter and husband, but I don't think she would have been allowed a kitten under proper screening. She should be criminally charged, and if she is found not to be mentally competent, which I do not know how she could be, let off, but never allowed to have any lpet whatsoever, and probably be in some sort of supervised capacity herself. It was a sick realtionship, bad enough, but someone got nearly killed, and might die, and is without a face or jaw..

http://mystateline.com/content/fulltext/?cid=49872

because some nutty woman was lonely. Deal with it. Join a grieving group or whatever. I hope the law steps in with her and with anyone else with dangerous animals. mg

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Feb 09 - 07:34 PM

Seems to me that we've been talking about other stuff entirely for the last few posts, mg. No one here is presently making any merriment about what happened to that poor woman who got mauled by the chimpanzee.

No matter what retribution an outraged society now brings down upon the chimp's owner, it will not help the woman who got attacked one bit.

It sounds to me from news reports that the owner may have given the chimp a mood-altering drug in an effort to calm it down that day...and that the drug itself may have triggered the chimp's unusual behaviour. If so, it is most unfortunate. I expect the likelihood of that woman ever owning another chimp is nil after that incident. She'd be afraid to. Wreaking vengeance on her over what happened not by any wrongful intention but by complete misadventure won't make the world any better or any happier, and it won't help the woman who got attacked either.

This was one of life's tragic incidents. It can't be fixed now by meting out punishment on someone.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Feb 09 - 09:56 PM

The woman who was attacked has been taken to the Cleveland Clinic, one the very best medical places in the US.

The woman who owned the chimp used to sleep with him, cuddle with him, feed him fine wines, and treat him like "another human." Animal experts are now thinking that the chimp basically became jealous -- although that's not the words being used.

200 pound chimps, older chimps, are NOT suitable pets. They are very strong and very fast and should be kept in special reserves (such as the astrochimp Ham was), not in a private home.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: mg
Date: 19 Feb 09 - 11:16 PM

It would help the woman who got attacked knowing that laws would be passed and/or enforced so this would not happen again. It certainly would help society by making damn sure something like that does not happen again. The chimp was already exhibiting antisocial behavior. She should have called animal control, and they should have taken the chimp away, euthanizing if necessary. And they are probably not prepared to deal with animals of that strength.

Same goes for any loose and dangerous animals. Misadventure? Having an animal that eats a woman? mg

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Feb 09 - 11:45 PM

People never see this kind of thing coming in advance, mg. Anyone who raises an animal...it goes this way: at the beginning the animal is small, cute, playful, and lovable. Emotional bonds develop at that time between the animal and the owner. Those emotional bonds only become stronger as the years go by. Then some horrifying and totally unexpected incident may occur and the animal wounds or even kills an adult or a child, and the news media tells everyone in the world about it, and people all over the place freak out and want some kind of action taken because their state of mind just got jangled by something...action not just against that animal or owner, but against other owners of such animals.

I can't remember how many articles I've read about stuff like this happening with dogs. Probably hundreds by now. It's usually large dogs, but it can be small dogs too, and sometimes children or babies get killed by a dog that has been deemed friendly and harmless for years by everyone who knew it.

You can't make the whole world safe by passing a new bunch of restrictive laws every time something like this occurs. This was a very unusual situation with the chimp. Do you want every frikkin' municipality in the USA to now devote time to passing laws about owning chimps? I recall 2 news stories now in the past maybe 3 or 4 years where chimpanzees or a single chimpanzee attacked someone and did terrible harm. One occurred in a zoo out in California, I think it was.

These things are very bad when they happen, but how often do they happen? Very rarely. I felt positively sick when I first read about this story, so don't think I don't empathize with the victim. I do. I read about it in the newspaper, not online.

It's an awful thing, yes. It may make you feel safer to demand that "laws be passed" so it can't happen again...but you cannot make the world safe by continually passing more and yet more restrictive laws, and you cannot envision every unique situation that will aries, nor can you pass laws that will deal with them all. Bad things will still happen anyway, and you won't be able to set up any network of laws to stop them all before they do.

I think we've got too damn many laws already in North America, frankly, so my immediate reaction to an unexpected incident like this is not to start agitating for new laws...it is to realize that life is sometimes sad, frequently unpredictable, and that bad things can happen, and they probably will, laws or no laws. And that's life.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: mg
Date: 20 Feb 09 - 12:12 AM

Yes I do. And more besides. Including stray dogs. mg

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Feb 09 - 12:55 AM

Well, if that's what you want, I guess you could play some kind of advocacy role in your community. That's up to you.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Feb 09 - 08:12 AM

One of our animal control officers was attacked by a vicious dog. It shredded her left arm, puncturing two arteries. Her life was saved by a police officer, who used his tie as a torniquet. Yes, it was a pit bull. No, I do not think pit bulls are inherently any more vicious than a well-raised dachshund -- look at the abused Michael Vick dogs as an example. This dog had ALREADY been ordered out of two other towns, who didn't have the courtesy or guts to deal with it themselves.

But there is, at least in my opinion, no place in a private home for wild animals, not even if they are raised from babyhood there. Those who keep chimps, rattlesnakes, wolves, cougars, pythons, and even more esoteric animals do a disservice to both the animals and their community. I suppose it fill some sort of need to say, "This is Rachel, my pet mountain lion" and that will work until Rachel attacks someone, and that might well be the owner.

Let wild animals remain in the wild or in well-run zoos. A lion cub IS cute when young -- but I wouldn't want to have it around as someone's pet when it grew up.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Feb 09 - 01:38 PM

Nor would I. You can't account for some people's choices. Being human, they will do just about anything.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Feb 09 - 02:43 PM

Yes, I've never heard of an animal saying that they own a human. I think they just don't talk about it when they do.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views on Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Feb 09 - 03:39 PM

I've known dogs and cats who acted as if they owned their humans.