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The Nice But Dim Knight

Phil Edwards 08 Jul 08 - 04:27 AM
Paul Burke 08 Jul 08 - 04:35 AM
Liz the Squeak 08 Jul 08 - 04:45 AM
GUEST,Joe 08 Jul 08 - 04:48 AM
fat B****rd 08 Jul 08 - 05:12 AM
Jack Blandiver 08 Jul 08 - 05:18 AM
Sailor Ron 08 Jul 08 - 05:21 AM
theleveller 08 Jul 08 - 06:37 AM
theleveller 08 Jul 08 - 06:42 AM
Jack Blandiver 08 Jul 08 - 06:54 AM
theleveller 08 Jul 08 - 06:56 AM
theleveller 08 Jul 08 - 07:21 AM
pavane 08 Jul 08 - 07:36 AM
Liz the Squeak 08 Jul 08 - 07:39 AM
Bonnie Shaljean 08 Jul 08 - 07:41 AM
A Wandering Minstrel 08 Jul 08 - 07:56 AM
GUEST,SqueezeMe 08 Jul 08 - 10:51 AM
theleveller 08 Jul 08 - 11:00 AM
Severn 08 Jul 08 - 11:09 AM
GUEST,Joe 08 Jul 08 - 11:10 AM
GUEST,SqueezeMe 08 Jul 08 - 11:13 AM
Paul Burke 08 Jul 08 - 11:17 AM
Rapparee 08 Jul 08 - 11:46 AM
Lord Batman's Kitchener 08 Jul 08 - 11:52 AM
Rapparee 08 Jul 08 - 11:52 AM
Linda Kelly 08 Jul 08 - 05:39 PM
Kent Davis 08 Jul 08 - 07:38 PM
The Fooles Troupe 08 Jul 08 - 07:51 PM
Rapparee 08 Jul 08 - 08:51 PM
Rapparee 08 Jul 08 - 10:03 PM
Skivee 08 Jul 08 - 10:44 PM
GUEST,SqueezeMe 09 Jul 08 - 12:06 AM
A Wandering Minstrel 09 Jul 08 - 08:09 AM
GUEST,Bob L 09 Jul 08 - 08:14 AM
theleveller 09 Jul 08 - 08:25 AM
theleveller 09 Jul 08 - 08:29 AM
Dave the Gnome 09 Jul 08 - 08:45 AM
theleveller 09 Jul 08 - 08:49 AM
Bryn Pugh 09 Jul 08 - 10:40 AM
Bryn Pugh 09 Jul 08 - 10:42 AM
Bryn Pugh 09 Jul 08 - 10:43 AM
theleveller 09 Jul 08 - 10:44 AM
theleveller 09 Jul 08 - 11:16 AM
Michael 09 Jul 08 - 11:54 AM
GUEST,Neil D 09 Jul 08 - 12:02 PM
theleveller 09 Jul 08 - 12:14 PM
Folknacious 09 Jul 08 - 12:53 PM
Snuffy 09 Jul 08 - 01:01 PM
Michael 09 Jul 08 - 02:46 PM
Rapparee 09 Jul 08 - 03:11 PM
Rapparee 09 Jul 08 - 03:22 PM
GUEST 09 Jul 08 - 03:44 PM
GUEST,DMcG 09 Jul 08 - 05:02 PM
Rapparee 09 Jul 08 - 06:40 PM
dick greenhaus 09 Jul 08 - 07:52 PM
The Fooles Troupe 10 Jul 08 - 12:30 AM
Michael 10 Jul 08 - 02:31 AM
Bryn Pugh 10 Jul 08 - 04:55 AM
Bryn Pugh 10 Jul 08 - 04:57 AM
Bryn Pugh 10 Jul 08 - 05:15 AM
Bonnie Shaljean 10 Jul 08 - 05:28 AM
Paul Burke 10 Jul 08 - 06:25 AM
A Wandering Minstrel 10 Jul 08 - 07:52 AM
Sailor Ron 10 Jul 08 - 08:04 AM
Rapparee 10 Jul 08 - 09:12 AM
Bryn Pugh 10 Jul 08 - 09:12 AM
Michael 10 Jul 08 - 10:31 AM
Bryn Pugh 10 Jul 08 - 10:49 AM
theleveller 10 Jul 08 - 11:17 AM
Rapparee 10 Jul 08 - 11:27 AM
Linda Kelly 10 Jul 08 - 02:27 PM
GUEST,dmcg 10 Jul 08 - 02:45 PM
Rapparee 10 Jul 08 - 03:22 PM
Steve Gardham 10 Jul 08 - 03:54 PM
Phil Edwards 10 Jul 08 - 04:45 PM
Steve Gardham 10 Jul 08 - 05:10 PM
Gurney 10 Jul 08 - 06:01 PM
Rapparee 10 Jul 08 - 10:44 PM
GUEST,Ralphie 11 Jul 08 - 05:08 AM
GUEST,Kevin Parker 11 Jul 08 - 06:49 AM
Bryn Pugh 11 Jul 08 - 06:58 AM
Bryn Pugh 11 Jul 08 - 07:02 AM
A Wandering Minstrel 11 Jul 08 - 07:58 AM
quokka 11 Jul 08 - 08:36 AM
Rapparee 11 Jul 08 - 09:03 AM
theleveller 11 Jul 08 - 10:12 AM
theleveller 11 Jul 08 - 10:21 AM
SqueezeMe 11 Jul 08 - 10:23 AM
GUEST,Ralphie 11 Jul 08 - 03:41 PM
Surreysinger 11 Jul 08 - 04:45 PM
Joe_F 11 Jul 08 - 08:32 PM
Rapparee 11 Jul 08 - 09:57 PM
GUEST,bardan 12 Jul 08 - 08:39 PM
Rapparee 12 Jul 08 - 09:20 PM
GUEST,Ralphie 13 Jul 08 - 02:40 AM
Surreysinger 13 Jul 08 - 07:32 AM
DMcG 13 Jul 08 - 07:46 AM
GUEST,Singers Knight 13 Jul 08 - 09:00 AM
Leadfingers 13 Jul 08 - 10:30 AM
Leadfingers 13 Jul 08 - 10:31 AM
GUEST,Ralphie 13 Jul 08 - 10:47 AM
Barbara 13 Jul 08 - 10:28 PM
Rapparee 13 Jul 08 - 10:56 PM
GUEST,Ralphie 14 Jul 08 - 04:09 AM
Rapparee 14 Jul 08 - 08:59 AM
TheSnail 14 Jul 08 - 09:27 AM
Michael 14 Jul 08 - 11:33 AM
Michael 14 Jul 08 - 11:58 AM
theleveller 14 Jul 08 - 12:13 PM
Rapparee 14 Jul 08 - 12:27 PM
Michael 14 Jul 08 - 01:32 PM
fat B****rd 14 Jul 08 - 03:15 PM
Rapparee 14 Jul 08 - 04:44 PM
Phil Edwards 14 Jul 08 - 04:48 PM
Surreysinger 14 Jul 08 - 05:55 PM
Effsee 14 Jul 08 - 09:37 PM
Rapparee 14 Jul 08 - 09:51 PM
theleveller 15 Jul 08 - 03:26 AM
theleveller 15 Jul 08 - 03:31 AM
Jack Blandiver 15 Jul 08 - 03:50 AM
Bryn Pugh 15 Jul 08 - 04:21 AM
GUEST,Ralphie 15 Jul 08 - 04:27 AM
Michael 15 Jul 08 - 05:06 AM
GUEST,Ralphie 15 Jul 08 - 06:07 AM
TheSnail 15 Jul 08 - 06:35 AM
Surreysinger 15 Jul 08 - 06:53 AM
Sailor Ron 15 Jul 08 - 07:22 AM
Rapparee 15 Jul 08 - 09:08 AM
Nathan in Texas 15 Jul 08 - 09:16 AM
Bryn Pugh 15 Jul 08 - 09:25 AM
Bryn Pugh 15 Jul 08 - 09:29 AM
quokka 15 Jul 08 - 09:29 AM
MartinRyan 15 Jul 08 - 09:48 AM
DMcG 15 Jul 08 - 04:09 PM
The Fooles Troupe 15 Jul 08 - 07:12 PM
Rapparee 15 Jul 08 - 10:31 PM
GUEST,Ralphie 16 Jul 08 - 08:45 AM
GUEST,Ralphie 16 Jul 08 - 08:57 AM
GUEST,Ralphie 16 Jul 08 - 09:06 AM
Phil Edwards 16 Jul 08 - 09:28 AM
Rapparee 16 Jul 08 - 09:49 AM
Paul Burke 16 Jul 08 - 10:37 AM
Rapparee 16 Jul 08 - 11:44 AM
Michael 16 Jul 08 - 03:15 PM
Phil Edwards 16 Jul 08 - 03:41 PM
Rapparee 16 Jul 08 - 10:46 PM
Richard Bridge 16 Jul 08 - 11:41 PM
Bryn Pugh 17 Jul 08 - 05:35 AM
Bryn Pugh 17 Jul 08 - 05:38 AM
GUEST,Ralphie 17 Jul 08 - 05:43 AM
GUEST,Ralphie 17 Jul 08 - 05:51 AM
Phil Edwards 17 Jul 08 - 05:56 AM
GUEST,Ralphie 17 Jul 08 - 06:00 AM
theleveller 17 Jul 08 - 08:22 AM
Bryn Pugh 17 Jul 08 - 08:33 AM
GUEST,Suffolk Miracle 17 Jul 08 - 08:47 AM
Don(Wyziwyg)T 17 Jul 08 - 08:49 AM
Bryn Pugh 17 Jul 08 - 10:17 AM
Dave the Gnome 17 Jul 08 - 10:43 AM
Michael 17 Jul 08 - 11:43 AM
Paul Burke 17 Jul 08 - 12:20 PM
GUEST,Ralphie 17 Jul 08 - 03:11 PM
GUEST,Ralphie 17 Jul 08 - 03:20 PM
Surreysinger 17 Jul 08 - 07:41 PM
TheSnail 17 Jul 08 - 07:52 PM
Surreysinger 17 Jul 08 - 07:58 PM
Surreysinger 17 Jul 08 - 07:59 PM
Surreysinger 17 Jul 08 - 09:01 PM
The Borchester Echo 18 Jul 08 - 03:10 AM
Bryn Pugh 18 Jul 08 - 06:08 AM
Phil Edwards 18 Jul 08 - 10:40 AM
GUEST,Ralphie 19 Jul 08 - 07:00 AM
GUEST,Ralphie 19 Jul 08 - 07:32 AM
fat B****rd 19 Jul 08 - 02:51 PM
GUEST,Ralphie 21 Jul 08 - 06:53 AM
Splott Man 21 Jul 08 - 07:18 AM
A Wandering Minstrel 21 Jul 08 - 07:59 AM
Rapparee 21 Jul 08 - 09:11 AM
Gurney 22 Jul 08 - 12:16 AM
Splott Man 22 Jul 08 - 03:38 AM
GUEST,Ralphie 22 Jul 08 - 05:20 AM
GUEST,Ralphie 22 Jul 08 - 05:38 AM
Surreysinger 22 Jul 08 - 06:09 AM
GUEST,Ralphie 22 Jul 08 - 06:57 AM
Surreysinger 22 Jul 08 - 07:05 AM
Joe_F 22 Jul 08 - 08:42 PM
GUEST,Ralphie 23 Jul 08 - 07:25 AM
Paul Burke 23 Jul 08 - 08:18 AM
Sky Sailor 24 Jul 08 - 02:33 AM
Bryn Pugh 24 Jul 08 - 08:16 AM
Bryn Pugh 24 Jul 08 - 08:17 AM
Bryn Pugh 24 Jul 08 - 09:30 AM
DMcG 24 Jul 08 - 09:42 AM
Rapparee 24 Jul 08 - 03:50 PM
GUEST,Ralphie 27 Jul 08 - 12:22 AM
Surreysinger 27 Jul 08 - 08:10 AM
GUEST,Ralphie 27 Jul 08 - 10:33 AM
Surreysinger 27 Jul 08 - 01:20 PM
Michael 27 Jul 08 - 01:58 PM
Leadfingers 27 Jul 08 - 06:32 PM
Leadfingers 27 Jul 08 - 06:39 PM
GUEST,Ralphie 28 Jul 08 - 01:39 AM
The Borchester Echo 28 Jul 08 - 06:21 AM
Bryn Pugh 29 Jul 08 - 07:28 AM
GUEST,Ralphie 30 Jul 08 - 07:06 AM
GUEST,Ralphie 30 Jul 08 - 07:11 AM
Surreysinger 30 Jul 08 - 09:36 AM
GUEST,Ralphie 06 Aug 08 - 04:19 AM
Paul Burke 06 Aug 08 - 06:00 AM
GUEST,Ralphie 08 Aug 08 - 09:53 PM
Barbara 08 Aug 08 - 11:59 PM
GUEST,Ralphie 09 Aug 08 - 04:04 AM
GUEST,Ralphie 15 Aug 08 - 02:18 AM
GUEST,Ralphie 02 Sep 08 - 01:05 AM
Phil Edwards 26 Oct 08 - 06:02 PM
Tootler 15 Jan 10 - 07:06 PM
Surreysinger 15 Jan 10 - 08:51 PM
GUEST,Ralphie 04 Sep 10 - 09:08 AM
Surreysinger 04 Sep 10 - 11:25 AM
Phil Edwards 04 Sep 10 - 07:05 PM
dick greenhaus 05 Sep 10 - 11:55 AM
Surreysinger 05 Sep 10 - 02:39 PM
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Subject: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Phil Edwards
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 04:27 AM

It just occurred to me that things would have been very different if the outlandish knight had been a bit brighter, or else not had such good manners.

"Well, maybe not, but it's not exactly fitting that I'm killing you in the first place, is it? Go on, get 'em off."


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Paul Burke
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 04:35 AM

He was only outlandish once she'd chucked him off the cliff. He was inlandish up to that point.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 04:45 AM

What about if that sea captain hadn't been so stubborn about setting sail on Christmas day? Or in that gale, no matter how fine and pleasant it was?

LTS


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Joe
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 04:48 AM

What if John Barleycorn was attacked by a parasitic fungus?


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: fat B****rd
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 05:12 AM

What if the banjo player eluded the irate band of music lovers....


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Jack Blandiver
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 05:18 AM

What if Lucy Wan had been on the pill?


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Sailor Ron
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 05:21 AM

Or is Lady Arland's page couldn't swim!


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: theleveller
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 06:37 AM

Or if Janet in Tam Lim didn't believe in fairies. Or if the page in Little Musgrave had decided it would be much more fun to just watch through the keyhole.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: theleveller
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 06:42 AM

And woe be to the little footpage
And an ill death may he die
For he's put his eye to the keyhole
As his hand into his fly


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Jack Blandiver
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 06:54 AM

Or if the page in Little Musgrave had decided it would be much more fun to just watch through the keyhole

Then it would have been Child #27 rather than Child #81!


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: theleveller
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 06:56 AM

And if Sir Patrick Spens had had any bottle?


The first line that Sir Patrick read
A loud, loud laugh left him
He screwed the letter in a ball
And chucked it in the bin

"Oh who is this has done this deed
And told the King of me
If he thinks I'm sailing this time of year
He's off his bloody tree."


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: theleveller
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 07:21 AM

Hey, this is fun!

Oh Polly, lovely Polly the rout has now begun
And I must go a marching to the beating of the drum
Go dress yourself all in your best and come along with me
I'll take you to the wars, my love, in High Germany.

Alright, just give me minute to put my face on.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: pavane
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 07:36 AM

Perhaps all these DID happen - but there wouldn't have been a song about them.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 07:39 AM

What if Barbara Ellen had opted for a night in with a pizza and a copy of 'Cosmo'?

LTS


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 07:41 AM

Tom Pierce, Tom Pierce, lend me thy gray mare...

NO! Sod off.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: A Wandering Minstrel
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 07:56 AM

or

One morning in May
at the dawn of the day
I pulled a sickie
and in bed I did stay.

(thereby avoiding the paternity suit)


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,SqueezeMe
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 10:51 AM

Oh Polly, lovely Polly the rout has now begun
And I must go a marching to the beating of the drum
Go dress yourself all in your best and come along with me
I'll take you to the wars, my love, in High Germany.


In these shoes?

(Apologies to the late Kirsty McColl)


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: theleveller
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 11:00 AM

As I walked out one May morning?

?it was peeing down so I went in again.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Severn
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 11:09 AM

I always used the "NO!" with "Children Go Where I Send Thee". More realistic, somehow.....


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Joe
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 11:10 AM

I think it's very unkind of you to ask of me to sing...

...so I'm going to play my Banjo instead


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,SqueezeMe
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 11:13 AM

If the letter of Marque from the King had been lost in the mail, there might have been one less legless fisherman on a Halifax pier....


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Paul Burke
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 11:17 AM

Did she always return? Yes, she always returned,
Her fate, it has often been learned,
Though for years and years she tried to leave the harbour
The ship she always returned.


....
They found him in the pub with his hand on a bottle
And tucking into pie and mushy peas....


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 11:46 AM

When first I came to Louisville
My fortune there to find
I fell in with some gay young men
Who fondled my behind....


Down in the West Texas Town of El Paso
I took one look and around left on the next train.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Lord Batman's Kitchener
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 11:52 AM

What if 1954 had never happened?


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 11:52 AM

You may sing and boast and talk about your Fenians and your clans
And how the boys from County Cork beat up the Black and Tans,
But I know a little codger who came out without a scar
Since he lived in Kansas City and he never went to war.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Linda Kelly
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 05:39 PM

and then there was the poetry

In Xanadu, did Kubla Khan a mighty pleasure dome decree
The entrance fee was 2 pounds eight
But once inside the drinks were free.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Kent Davis
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 07:38 PM

GET UP AND BAR THE DOOR (WEST VIRGINIA VERSION)

verse 4
Three robbers came along the way,
They walked right up and were shot dead.
(song ends)

Kent


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 07:51 PM

What if that page HADN'T had a duplicate key?

Nonny, nonny..


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 08:51 PM

I am a weaver, I live all alone.

End of song.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 10:03 PM

What if the Provost had said to his men, "Saddle your horses, we're hanging Dundee!"???


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Skivee
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 10:44 PM

I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Don't bother going.
There's not much there but sand.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,SqueezeMe
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 12:06 AM

What if Spencer the Rover had joined the Boys' Brigade instead?


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: A Wandering Minstrel
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 08:09 AM

isn't this fun?

I would have gone to Sammy's Bar
But the last boat had left

or even

Hangman, hangman stay your hand,
and wait wi' me a while
for I think I see my own true love....
No, sorry, it's somebody else.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Bob L
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 08:14 AM

...I'd never sit down with travellers who drank red wine with fish...


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: theleveller
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 08:25 AM

It was late that night when the Lord came in,
Enquiring for his Lady-o
And the servant girl said she's just popped out,
To buy pegs from the Raggle Taggle Gypsy-o

Love this thread!


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: theleveller
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 08:29 AM

And where would folk music be in Radcliffe Highway had never been built?


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 08:45 AM

Oh Polycell, oh Polycell
The grouting's now begun...

As I was a walking, a rambling one day
I spied a yourng couple, so sweet did they stray
One was a young man, a brave grenadier
The other was a sailor, I think they were queer...

And of course the classic blues song

I didn't wake up this mornin...

Good game, good game

:D


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: theleveller
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 08:49 AM

Dave LOL!

Are you going to Scarborough Fair?
Dodgems, waltzers, candyfloss and spivs.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 10:40 AM

Are you going to Scarborough Fair ?


No.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 10:42 AM

Will ye gang tae the Hielan's, Leezie Lyndsay ?

You must be f*cking joking, pal !


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 10:43 AM

Oh, the shearing's not for you, my bonny lassie, O

Oh ? Says who ?

I'll get me phillabeg . . .


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: theleveller
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 10:44 AM

Are you going to Scarborough Fair?
Don't be stupid, there hasn't been a fair in Scarborough for two hundred years


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: theleveller
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 11:16 AM

Speed bonnie boat like a bird on the wing
Onward the sailors cry
But it's much quicker to get in the car
And drive over the bridge to Skye


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Michael
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 11:54 AM

For UK 'catters:_

Oh the Shearing's not for you, bonny lassie o.

Thats Ok I'm going with Hoseason's

Mike


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Neil D
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 12:02 PM

Where have you been Lord Randall my son?
    At me local for a pint and some crisps.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: theleveller
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 12:14 PM

One misty moisty morning as I strode o'er the heather
I came upon and old man who was dressed all up in leather
He was dressed all up in leather, with a strap beneath his chin
And rode a Harley Davidson that made an awful din


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Folknacious
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 12:53 PM

Well I'll sing you a song about the Old 49
Fastest engine on the Sante Fe Line
On the 14th of April she made a desperate dash
And she got there on time and she did not crash.

(From Shel Silverstein's "Inside Folk Songs", 1962 . . . It's the track before the memorable "Never Bite A Married Woman On The Thigh" . . .


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Snuffy
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 01:01 PM

Oh where are our dear mothers?
Oh where are our dear mothers?
Oh where are our dear mothers?
Day is a-breaking in my soul

They've gone to Walmart, shoopping ....


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Michael
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 02:46 PM

Oh what's the matter with you my love?
And where's your darling's willie?
That Bobbit woman has chopped it off
And now he looks so silly.

Mike


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 03:11 PM

It's old, but

Slack your rope, hangman, oh slack for a while
I think I see ARWK!!


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 03:22 PM

"Mrs. M'Grath," the Sergeant said,
"Would you like to make a soldier outa your son Ted?
With a scarlet coat and big cocked hat
Now Mrs. M'Grath wouldn't you like that?"
"Hell no! Get outa me yard ya smarmy bastard!"


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 03:44 PM

I'm puzzled by "Jellion Grame". Rosie Flower is mounted, yet Grame, on foot, is able to kill her. In fact, he asks her to "Get down, get down?"


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,DMcG
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 05:02 PM

Too soon to bed out of my bed
Too soon to be back at this bus queue caper
Or fumbling for change for my picture paper
On a Monday mor ... hang on, it's only Sunday.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 06:40 PM

Every mornin' at the mine you see him arrive
He stood six foot six and weighed two forty-five
Kinda broad in the shoulder and narrow at the hip
He wore skin-tight jeans and had bright red lips
Big John.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 07:52 PM

We were forty miles from Albany
Forget it!


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 12:30 AM

"In fact, he asks her to "Get down, get down?""

.... I am unable to continue ...


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Michael
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 02:31 AM

When a young girl fell in love with me and found I was a maid
She went unto to my officer me secret she betrayed
Unbuttoning my red tunic and he found that it was true
"It's a shame", he said "to lose a pretty drummer boy like you"

"But we could keep it our little secret--- if you play your cards right"

Mike


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 04:55 AM

O Captain, take gold, O captain, take money

Never mind the money, gerremoff!


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 04:57 AM

Slight thread drift :

Behold a bright light shone in the East, and the sky was riven with angels singing ; and one Wise Man said to the other "Told you this was good acid".

I'll ger me djellaba . . .


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 05:15 AM

Where have you been all the day, Henry my son ?

Mind your own bleedin' business.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 05:28 AM

When John Henry was a little baby
Sitting on his mama's knee
He said Driving steel is hard, hard work
Gonna take up accountancy...


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Paul Burke
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 06:25 AM

OK, I've posted this elsewhere before, but I still think it's a considerable improvement on the original.

"Ah, must I go," Matt Hyland said
"Ah, must I go without my wages
With ne'er a penny in my purse
And wander like some poor lost stranger?"
"All right she said, just hang around
Till they come for you in the morning,
Then ask them for your fifty pounds-
Don't say I didn't give you warning!"

There is a ship lies in the bay,
It's setting sail for far Australia,
And in the hold Matt Hyland's chained
Because he's such a hopeless failure.
And in her chamber sits a maid,
She's busy writing out a letter-
An advert to the servant trade-
Let's hope the next one turns out better.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: A Wandering Minstrel
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 07:52 AM

Farewell sweet, lovely Nancy
ten thousand times adieu
I'm bound away o'er the ocean wave
For a two week holiday in Normandy...

and

Sally, free and easy...
Phwoar!


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Sailor Ron
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 08:04 AM

We all know that he was aquited for 'shooting Polly Vaughn', but did you know the R.S.P.B. had him hung for shooting a swan?


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 09:12 AM

Away unto the west'ard
There's a place a man can go
Where the bars are always open
And the service is never slow.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 09:12 AM

Oh, soldier, soldier, won't you marry me
With your musket, fife and drum ?

If it's all the same to you, love, I'll use a ring, like everyone else.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Michael
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 10:31 AM

An oxymoronic song:-

One Monday morning as we set sail
The wind did blow a pleasant gale

Wandering Minstrel:

The line that gets me:- "Took a sailor's loving for a nursery game"

Does that mean wearing a nappy and getting his bottom spanked?

Mike


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 10:49 AM

Don't mind the rain and the rolling sea

Well, I f*cking do !


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: theleveller
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 11:17 AM

As I was a-walking down London, through Wapping to Ratcliffe Highway,
I chanced to step into an alehouse to spend a long night and a day.
A young doxy came rolling up to me and asked if I'd money to sport.
'I'll have half of shandy, here's sixpence.' She said: 'Piss off we don't serve your sort.'


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 11:27 AM

You started today on your journey, alone on the highway of life
You will meet with a thousand temptations, each city with evil is rife.
The world is a stage of excitement, full of evil and sin,
But if you are tempted in weakness, have courage, my boy, and go in.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Linda Kelly
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 02:27 PM

My name it is sam hall chimney sweep chimney sweep   my name it is sam hall chimney sweep             central heating do i rue now theres bugger all to do..,


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,dmcg
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 02:45 PM

One morning in May
I chanced for to rove
I sat myself down by the side of a grove
It was there I did see the dense motorway smog
And you have to gasp for breath
[You have to gasp for breath]
You have to gasp for breath when the traffic fumes clog


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 03:22 PM

Oh! My boat can safely float in the teeth of wind and weather
And outrace the fastest hooker between Galway and Kinsale;
When the black floor of the ocean and the white foam rush together,
High she rides, in her pride, while I feed fishes o'er the rail.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Steve Gardham
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 03:54 PM

Now I'm warning yer all! They're not gonna like it the next time you're sat in a serious singaround and Mrs Scroggins has just reached the fortieth verse of Barbara Allen, and you suddenly burst out laffin'! Mark my words, there'll be tears!


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Phil Edwards
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 04:45 PM

He was much reduced, which caused great confusion,
And that was the reason that he consolidated all his debts into one affordable loan...


As I was going to Aylesbury,
All on a market day
A pretty little Aylesbury girl
I met upon the way
Her business was to market
With butter, cheese and whey,
And we got chatting and discovered we had several mutual friends and quite a number of common interests.
Which was nice.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Steve Gardham
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 05:10 PM

Twas homeward bound one night on the deep,
Swinging in my hammock I fell asleep,
I dreamed a dream and I followed through
I was jolly-rogered by that cursed crew!

There was Captain Thompson from Scarborough Town,
Brave Griffin and Parry of great renown,
There was Captain Ross and so many more
Had all been at it since we left the shore.

And now my backside it gives me pain,
To regain my innocence I'd cross the main,
Ten thousand pounds I would freely pay,
To save my passage for another day.

With apologies to Lady Franklin.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Gurney
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 06:01 PM

A fine young man, it was indeed,
came a-riding on his milk-white steed.
He rode and he rode, he rode all alone.
He'd heard all about 'lovely' Joan!


In the interests of punctiliousness: 'Outlandish' didn't mean strange, just that he was a Geordie.
Hold on, let me think about that.....


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 10:44 PM

...He had not gone but a mile or twa,
When he heard the dead-bell knellin'
And he turned his horse's head away
Sayin', "Screw you, Barbara Allen."


See who comes over the red-blossomed heather:
It's Sam, Bill, and Jenny and the lovely blonde, Claire....


'Twas down by the glenside I met an old woman
A-plucking young nettles, and she ne'er saw me comin'
And I listened a while to the sounds she was makin'
"Ouch! Dammit! Ta hell with the lot of 'em! Ya want bloody nettles ya pick the buggers yerself!"


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 05:08 AM

The Gallant Frigate Amphitrite.
She sank in Plymouth Sound

End


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Kevin Parker
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 06:49 AM

Said Red Molly to James 'that's a fine motor bike'

'No, actually mine's the Honda Civic parked behind it'


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 06:58 AM

With me doorum dah, fol the diddle-ah, di ree fol the diddle derry o.

I really must learn the correct words one of these days.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 07:02 AM

Perhaps not "folk", but here goes :

Some day my Prince will come

said Snow White, changing hands again . . .

I'll get me coat.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: A Wandering Minstrel
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 07:58 AM

Sovay, Sovay, all on a day
She decked herself in girls array
and with skein and scissors all at her side
She sat in the garden
she sat in the garden and her needle plied...


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: quokka
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 08:36 AM

I wonder what is keeping my true love this night?
Happy hour at the pub


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 09:03 AM

One pleasant evening in the month of June
As I walked, weaving, toward my room
A peeler stood by an ivy bush
And I was taken up for drunk and disorderly, resisting, and a bunch of other things.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: theleveller
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 10:12 AM

As it fell out upon a day
As many in the year
Musgrave to the church did go
To see fair ladies there

And some came down in red velvet
And some came down in Pall
And the last to come down was the Lady Barnard
The fairest of them all

She's cast a look on the Little Musgrave
As bright as the summer sun
She said: "I've got the vicar coming round
Do come for tea and buns"


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: theleveller
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 10:21 AM

Wheear 'as ta bin sin ah saw thee?
Buyin' meesen a bleedin' 'at!


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: SqueezeMe
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 10:23 AM

The gallant frigate Anthracite
She burned in Plymouth Sound

also....

The gallant frigate Araldite
She's stuck in Plymouth Sound

(Thanks for the inspiration, Ralphie!)


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 03:41 PM

Come all you tender hearted chaps,
I hope you'll lend an ear.
And likewise pay attention,
To these few I lines I have here.
It's all in praise of a pretty maid
I mean to use my quill.
She was the blooming rose of Antrim,

And I hope she's on the pill......

No excuse I know.....


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Surreysinger
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 04:45 PM

Absolutely none whatsoever!!!


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Joe_F
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 08:32 PM

Of some antiquity:

A Maraschino cherry, it has no stone.
Chicken a la king, it has no bone.
The story of stupidity, it has no end.
A baby when it's strangled, there's no cryen.

On various occasions I have supplied the wife's side of a certain story:

My husband never tires of lying around.
He drinks like a fish, and he sings like a hound.
He eats like a pig and makes love like a troll,
And the day he drops dead, I will fathom the bowl.

-- and tied up the loose end of another one:

The middle daughter ran off with the prince,
Bow down, bow down,...
And neither of them has been heard from since.
I will be true,...


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 09:57 PM

As I was a-goin' o'er the far-famed Kerry Mountain
I met with Colonel Farrell who was pissing like a fountain....


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,bardan
Date: 12 Jul 08 - 08:39 PM

I took off my pants and i did salute her


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jul 08 - 09:20 PM

...If there's anyone can help me it's my brother in the Army,
He's never been much help before and he's really very barmy....


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 13 Jul 08 - 02:40 AM

THE DRUMMER BOY OF WATERLOO

When battle roused each warlike band
And carnage loud her trumpet blew
Young Edwin left his native land

And decided, on reflection, that he'd prefer to go clubbing in Ibiza this summer.....


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Surreysinger
Date: 13 Jul 08 - 07:32 AM

THE MISTLETOE BOUGH (extract)


I'm tired of dancing now she cried
Here tarry a moment, I'll hide, I'll hide
And Lovell be sure thou'rt the first to trace
The clues to my secret hiding place.
Away she ran and her friends began
Each tower to search and each nook to scan
"Oh where dost thou hide" Young Lovel cried......

.........Oh there you are ... gotcha!!


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: DMcG
Date: 13 Jul 08 - 07:46 AM

I've travelled east, I've travelled west,
I've travelled by Kirkcaudy
But the bonniest lass that e'er I saw
She was stalking her collier laddie.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Singers Knight
Date: 13 Jul 08 - 09:00 AM

There were three score and ten
Boys and men
Heard the weather forecast
And came home again!

and

The gallant frigate aconite
grew well on Plymouth Sound

The old 'uns are definitely the best!


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Leadfingers
Date: 13 Jul 08 - 10:30 AM

The FULL readers Digest version of Rapaires !

One night in the Wild West town of El Paso

I met a girl and I got shot and died !


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Leadfingers
Date: 13 Jul 08 - 10:31 AM

Which gives me another 100 th !!


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 13 Jul 08 - 10:47 AM

KELLSWATER (LAST VERSE)

He placed a gold ring on her finger
Saying "Love bear this in your mind
If ever I sail from old Ireland,
I'll mind not to leave you behind"
Here's a health unto bonny Kellswater
Where you get all the pleasures of life,
Where you get all the fishing and fowling,
And a bonnie wee stoat for your wife.

(Comes in useful whilst ferreting abroad, probably fighting for strangers,)

GAMEKEEPERS LIE SLEEPING.

Well, I've got a dog and a good dog too,
Lucky me! It's a Rottweiller......


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Barbara
Date: 13 Jul 08 - 10:28 PM

In the Malpas Wassail, a friend of mine always sang:

Oh the master and the mistress sitting down at their ease
Put your hands in your pockets and squeeze what you please

Blessings,
Barbara


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 08 - 10:56 PM

Had an old dog and his name was Blue,
Had an old dog and his name was Blue,
Had an old dog and his name was Blue,
He had rabies and we had to have him put down....


It is the same auld shillelagh me father brought from Ireland
Only now it full of termites and dry rot. Yuck!


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 04:09 AM

THE HANGMANS TREE (Hazel K Black, Pine Grove Wetzel County)

Ropeman, Ropeman, slack your rope
Slack it for a while
For I think I see my father a-coming
Away off many a mile

Father, Father, have you any gold?
Gold to set me free?
Or did you come to see me hang
Beneath this green oak tree?

No, O no, I haven't any gold
Gold to set you free.

Would have liked to, but I had a letter from my bank manager this morning, and I haven't got the equity at the moment....
No doubt you've heard about the Credit Crunch.
Sorry, and all that, I blame Gordon Brown for his misguided fiscal policy.

(FX...Sound of Dropping Body, which is an obscure dance figure that comes after Stripping the Widow)

The End


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 08:59 AM

We're tenting tonight on the old camp ground
God! I wish we'd dug latrines.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: TheSnail
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 09:27 AM

"How do ye like me bed," he said, "and how do you like me sheets?"
"How do you like me fair lady, that lies in your arms asleep?"

Well... I've had worse.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Michael
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 11:33 AM

How do ye like me bed," he said, "and how do you like me sheets?"
"How do you like me fair lady, that lies in your arms asleep?"

Who? Her? Wouldn't touch her with a barge-pole, this is The Handsome Cabin Boy squire.

Mike


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Michael
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 11:58 AM

Said my lord to my lady, as he mounted his horse:
"Beware of Long Lankin that lives in the moss."


Said my lord to my lady, as he rode away:
"Beware of Long Lankin that lives in the hay."


"Let the doors be all bolted and the windows all pinned,
And leave not a hole for a mouse to creep in."


So he kissed his fair lady and he rode away,
And he was in fair London before the break of day.


The doors were all bolted and the windows all pinned,
Except one little window where Long Lankin crept in.

"Come here little bugger" she cried as he came
"let's see if you really live up to your name"


Mike


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: theleveller
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 12:13 PM

LOL!!!!!


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 12:27 PM

Queen Eleanor was a sick woman and afraid that she would die
"That's what I get," Queen Eleanor said, "for drinking wine and rye."


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Michael
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 01:32 PM

Hey gairdner child, is that a red rose in your hand ar are you just pleased to See me?

Mike


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: fat B****rd
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 03:15 PM

"Children, go where I send thee"
........er...I can't think of anything funny...


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 04:44 PM

"...how can I keep from singing?"
A little self control, perhaps?


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Phil Edwards
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 04:48 PM

The gardener standing by,
Three offers he made to me,
So I slapped his face.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Surreysinger
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 05:55 PM

The Bloody Gardener (extract)

This young maid then arose and into the garden goes
Expecting there to meet her hearts delight
She searched the garden all around
No young man could be found .... so she trotted off home again, muttering "Bastard" under her breath .....


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Effsee
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 09:37 PM

As I was walking all alane
I heard twa corbies makin' a mane

I thought " What a bluidy racket!"


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 09:51 PM

In the Tower of London late at night
The ghost of Anne Boleyn walks, they declare.
They've also see a dragon and sprite
Three poltergeists, four pixies, and a mare.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: theleveller
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 03:26 AM

Little Musgrave offers endless possibilities!

Come home with me you Little Musgrave
And lay upon my breast
For by your codpiece I can see
That you were named in jest.

And later?..

"And how do you like my feather bed
And how do you like my sheets
And how do you like my lady gay
Who lies in your arms asleep?"

"It's well I like your feather bed
It's better I like your sheets
And it's better I like your lady gay
Who lies in my arms asleep".

Lord Donald then his clothes put off
And in the get did get
Saying: 'If you think my lady's gay
You ain't seen nothing yet!'

Isn't this the best thread ever?


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: theleveller
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 03:31 AM

Should read.. and in the BED did get.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Jack Blandiver
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 03:50 AM

Said my Lord to my Lady as he mounted his horse,
here's the cheque for Long Lankin, though, if he'd rather, pay cash...


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 04:21 AM

I went into an alehouse I used to frequent
And told the landlady my money was spent.

She told me to fuck off.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 04:27 AM

BLUE EYED ELLA (Mr E C Smith. Weston, Lewis County 1915)

Way down in yonder valley, where the early flowers bloom
There lies my blue-eyed Ella, so silent in the tomb
She died not broken-hearted, that caused her cruel fate
Twas the fish pie bought from TESCOs, long past its sell-by date.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Michael
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 05:06 AM

Said the lord to his lady as he mounted his horse:
"When I took you to see Equus I hoped it would help you understand"

Mike


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 06:07 AM

VERSES ON THE EXECUTION OF DANIEL GOOD..Extract (May 1842)

To his masters stables in Putney Park Lane
They went, but she never returned again
Prepare for your end then the monster did cry
Your time has come and you must die

Then, with a sharp hatchet, her head did cleave
She begged for mercy, but, none did he give
Have mercy Daniel, my wretched life spare
For the sake of own child which you know I bear

No Mercy, cried he, then repeated the blow
Alive from this stable you never shall go
Neither you nor your brat shall trouble me more
Then lifeless his victim he struck to the floor

And when she was dead this sad deed to hide
The limbs from her body he straight did divide
Her bowels ript open and dripping with gore
The child from the womb this black monster he tore

When in searching the stable, the body was spied
Without head. legs, or arms, and ript open beside
Then a cry of murder quickly did arise
And the coachman was taken within a very few days.


(Aaah, have fond memories of hearing this at primary school on the radio in the late fifties...Oh how we laughed, and danced around the room)


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: TheSnail
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 06:35 AM

I took from my pocket ten sovereigns bright
And the landlady's legs opened wide with delight.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Surreysinger
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 06:53 AM

"fond memories of hearing this at primary school on the radio in the late fifties...Oh how we laughed, and danced around the room)"

Indeed Ralphie ... I well remember sitting cross legged on the schoolroom floor in rapt attention, listening to those sounds purling forth from the radio speaker on the wall. William Appleby was such a great influence on us all wasn't he? A man before his time.

But I think you mistake the laughing and dancing around the room - there were two programmes after all ... and the dancing would have been associated with Music and Movement, surely??


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Sailor Ron
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 07:22 AM

Said my Lady to her Lord
As he mounted his horse
If you do that again
I will call the police force!


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 09:08 AM

O dear, what can the matter be
O dear, what can the matter be
O dear, what can the matter be
My period's late and preg test is red.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Nathan in Texas
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 09:16 AM

Where have you been Lord Randall my son?

Out.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 09:25 AM

Robin Hood and Little John
Have both gone to the fair-O
And after they've got pissed on Buck'
They'll maybe part the hair-O.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 09:29 AM

Undress yourself, my darling, said he.
Undress yourself and come to bed with me.

Not before you put a fifty pound note in my stocking top, I won't.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: quokka
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 09:29 AM

hey, Mr tambourine man STOP THAT RACKET!


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: MartinRyan
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 09:48 AM

There were two brothers, two noble warriors
They fell in love with a lady gay


- so they gave up and went home.

Regards


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: DMcG
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 04:09 PM

Cope sent a challenge frae Dunbar
Saying Charlie meet me, i' ye dar'
I'll learn ye the art o' war
From Sun Tzu's book frae China


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 07:12 PM

""Children, go where I send thee"
........er...I can't think of anything funny..."

You really think they'll DO that?
You've never had children, have you...


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 10:31 PM

Cagaran, cagaran, cagaran gaolach,
Cagaran laghach thu, fear dhe mo dhaoine,
Goididh egobhar dhomh, goididh e caoraich,
Goididh e sithean a innis an aonaich.
Cagaran, cagaran, cagan gaolach
Ya say it again and I'll wash yer mouth out with soap!


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 16 Jul 08 - 08:45 AM

DOWN IN OUR LITTLE VILLAGE

Twas on the green, where they all danced
I first beheld my Fanny
She looked so nice, as she advanced
None half so well, not any.
Now, when next morn my work began
At sowing, plough or tillage
I thought of none, but little Fan
The best gay in the village......


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 16 Jul 08 - 08:57 AM

THE GREY MARE

Young Roger the miller he courted of late
A farmer's gay daughter, called beautiful Kate
She had to her fortune some five hundred pounds
Besides handsome jewels, and many fine gowns
She had to her portion both jewels and rings
And an M&S Gold Card for all sorts of things


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 16 Jul 08 - 09:06 AM

LORD THOMAS AND FAIR ELEANOR

Lord Thomas was a bold forester
And, a chaser of the King's deer
Fair Eleanor was a fine woman
But Lord Thomas prefered the deer.....


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Phil Edwards
Date: 16 Jul 08 - 09:28 AM

He sailed East and he sailed West,
Until he came back to where he started...


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jul 08 - 09:49 AM

It was Friday morn when we set sail
And we were not far from the land
When our captain espied a mermaid so fair,
So the mate took the bottle from his hand,
And helped the poor old captain to his cabin and gave him some coffee and a couple of aspirin and suggested that he sleep it off and come back on deck when he'd sobered up because the ship was trying to navigate Prince William Sound and all Exxon needed was another tanker spill.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Paul Burke
Date: 16 Jul 08 - 10:37 AM

So slowly, slowly she came up
And slowly she came by him,
And all she said when there she came,
"Young man, I think you're Brian."


By the rivers of Babylon, there we sat down,
Ye-eah we wept, when we remembered Brian.


A maiden walking all in her garden
A brisk young sailor chanced to spy,
He stepped up to her, thinking to view her,
So she smacked him smartly in the eye.


There is a house in New Orleans
It's called the Rising Sun-
You can go there for a cup of tea,
Some fruitcake and a bun.


At the age of sixteen he was a married man,
And at the age of seventeen the father of a son,
And one at eighteen, one at nineteen, one at twenty too-
She just couldn't put an end to his growing.


There was a lady in the north
Hey the rose and the linsey-o,
She proved with child by her father's clerk,
Down by the riversidie-o.

So she went to the chemist, paid the bill,
Hey the rose and the linsey-o,
And got a little next- morning pill,
Down by the riversidie-o.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jul 08 - 11:44 AM

When the Alabama's keel was laid
Roll, Alabama, Roll
It was laid in the yards of Jonathan Laird
O roll, Alabama, roll

It was laid in the yards of Jonathan Laird
It was laid in the town of Birkenhead

Down Mersey way she sailed then
Sank and was never seen again....


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Michael
Date: 16 Jul 08 - 03:15 PM

I wish I wish but it's all in vain.
I wish I was a maid again.
But a maid again I ne'er will be
I cann't afford the surgeon's fee.

Mike


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Phil Edwards
Date: 16 Jul 08 - 03:41 PM

I won't come in, I shan't sit down,
I ain't got a moment's time
...oh, go on then, but just a quickie.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jul 08 - 10:46 PM

Keep on truckin', Momma,
As long as you kin afford the fuel.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 16 Jul 08 - 11:41 PM

Hark! Now the drums beat up again
Those bodhran players are life's bane


Tis a nice quiet life without no strife
We whalemen do enjoy
For we have left our wives at home
Since their nagging was a bore



Raise up your head Tom Dooley
Raise up your head in glee
The Supreme Court has found you were
Condemned unconstitutionally



Avram Bailey had three sons
So he stayed at home to mind them



Queen Jane had a short labour
Nine minutes, not more
And the women gave thanks
For the fine babe she bore.



Me and four more went out one night
To Squire Daniel's hall
To get some game was our intent
As teh night came tumbling down
And to our great good fortune
No gamekeepers we saw
So we never went to Warwick Jail
Just went home to our tea.




As is walked over London Bridge
One misty morning early
T'was silent as the very grave
I overheard no story




Oh I was born a lady fair
My father's chief and only heir
And my stepmother loved me well
So no great harm e'er me befell.



An earthly nurse she sits and sings
And "Aye" she sings "Bah lilly wean
How well I love my bairny's father
Who only lives just down the lane"



Ye gentlemen of high renown
Of every degree
Take no delight in foxhunting
For Tony Blair's PC.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 17 Jul 08 - 05:35 AM

But my Willie's not returning from the plains of Waterloo

Thanks to that French sniper.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 17 Jul 08 - 05:38 AM

A good many gentlemen takwe great delight
In hunting bold Reynold the fox.
A good many more prefer hunting the girls
And copping the crabs and the pox.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 17 Jul 08 - 05:43 AM

THE BOLD PRIVATEER (Mrs Lolley, East Riding of Yorkshire)

Oh fare you well, my Polly dear, since you and I must part
In crossing of the seas my love, I'll pledge you to my heart
For our ship she now lies waiting, so fare you well my dear
I'll bring you back the fags, and some strong Belgium beer.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 17 Jul 08 - 05:51 AM

THE INDIAN LASS

As I was a walking on a far distant shore
I went into an alehouse, to spend half an hour
And as I sat smoking, beside of my glass
By chance there came in a young Indian Ass.

(Spell check please)


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Phil Edwards
Date: 17 Jul 08 - 05:56 AM

Then up spoke the young bride's mother
Who never was heard to speak so free
Saying, Never mind your Sophia, what about my Sharon? Doesn't she get a say in this? Men, they're all the same - wears trousers and owns half of Northumberland, so he thinks he's God Almighty! Well, I'll tell you this, Mister Bateman, you aren't going to fob us off with a coach and a couple of horses, oh no. You'll be hearing from our solicitors in the morning. And when this Sophia of yours gets here, you can tell her a quarter of Northumberland belongs to you, all right? Take my drift? Come on, Sharon, we're going...


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 17 Jul 08 - 06:00 AM

WATERLOO

On the sixteenth day of June, me boys, In Streatham where we lay
Our bugles sounded the alarm, before the break of day
We Britons, Brunswickers and Flems, and Hanoverians too
We joined the queue for the Northern line,
And the Trains of Waterloo.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: theleveller
Date: 17 Jul 08 - 08:22 AM

"But my Willie's not returning from the plains of Waterloo

Thanks to that French sniper."

Sorry, Bryn, without my glasses I read that as French slapper!

Still works!


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 17 Jul 08 - 08:33 AM

Leveller- see my thread which follows that one, , for confirmation . . .

I'll get me condom


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Suffolk Miracle
Date: 17 Jul 08 - 08:47 AM

And you will marry a gunner good,
A very good gunner I'm sure he'll be.
But your having slept with a seal will probably be suffient grounds for an annulment.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 17 Jul 08 - 08:49 AM

Posted without comment...........or hope!

THE PRINCE AND THE MAIDEN

A young prince who went walking in some woods near Hampton Wick,
Discovered that he'd lost his way, well he bein' rather thick,
He came across a clearing, and he said "What's this I see?
It is a fair young maiden, tied tightly to a tree".

Ch. Fol de rol de diddle-O, Fol de rol de dee,
It is a fair young maiden, tied tightly to a tree.

He said "Fair maid, how come you to be in this parlous state,
What wicked, nasty, evil villain's left you to your fate?"
She said "Kind Sir, if you will only deign to set me free,
I'll tell you of the wicked squire, and what he did to me".

Ch. Fol de rol de diddle-O, Fol de rol de dee,
I'll tell you of the wicked squire, and what he did to me".

The prince was all agog to hear the essence of her tale,
But as she was quite naked, other thoughts came to prevail,
He said "Hold hard young maiden, there's the question of me fee,
If I comply with your request, pray what's in it for me?"

Ch. Fol de rol de diddle-O, Fol de rol de dee,
If I comply with your request, pray what's in it for me?"

The maiden, now, was quite dismayed, "I can't believe", she said,
"That you're as wicked as the squire, Oh! I were better dead",
The prince was quite unruffled, as the maid began to pray,
He said, as he took his doublet off, "This ain't your lucky day".

Ch. Fol de rol de diddle-O, Fol de rol de day
He said, as he took his doublet off, "This ain't your lucky day".

The maiden stopped him with a glance, "If that's how it is", said she,
"'Twere better I enjoy meself, and join in willingly,
Remember that hereafter, for your crime you'll have to pay,
Now cut me loose you scurvy knave, and you shall have your way".

Ch. Fol de rol de diddle-O, Fol de rol de day
Now cut me loose you scurvy knave, and you shall have your way".



He drew his sword, and lashed out, and the rope fell down in coils,
She threw her arms about his neck, said, "Come, collect your spoils",
Then fervently, and ardently she kissed the dirty dog,
And all he said was "Rivet!", for he'd turned into a frog.

Ch. Fol de rol de diddle-O, fol de rol de dog,
And all he said was "Rivet!" for he'd turned into a frog.

Now the young prince and the maiden have gone their separate ways,
She's gone home to Daddy, and the frog in the swamp he stays,
He got himself into this mess, there's nothing he can do,
Till a maid agrees to kiss him. Well I ask you girls, would you?

Ch. Fol de rol de diddle-O, fol de rol de doo,
Till a maid agrees to kiss him. Well I ask you girls, would you?

So, all who listen to me song, attention pay to me,
Ne'er take advantage of a maid you find tied to a tree,
For love and lust, according to two differing points of view,
May change a frog into a prince, and vice versa too.

Ch. Fol de rol de diddle-O, fol de rol de doo,
May change a frog into a prince, and vice versa too.


C Don Thompson May 1980

.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 17 Jul 08 - 10:17 AM

Follow that . . .


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 17 Jul 08 - 10:43 AM

Following the other Richard T one.

Let me ride on the Wall of Death one more time

OK.

Screeeeech, crash, tinkle, tinkle.

Sounds of someone wandering off, whistling non-chalantely...

:D


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Michael
Date: 17 Jul 08 - 11:43 AM

And now you've called on me to sing I'll see what I can do
And that wasn not a signal for you to go to the loo
For you to go to the loo.

Mike


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Paul Burke
Date: 17 Jul 08 - 12:20 PM

She was lovely and fair as the rose of the summer,
Yet 'twas not her beauty alone that won me;
Oh no, 'twas the boobs from her bra nearly bustin',
That made me love Mary, the Rose of Tralee.

When Irish eyes are smiling
Sure it's like a morning spring.
In the lilt of Irish laughter,
You can hear the angels sing.
When Irish hearts are happy,
All the world seems bright and gay.
And when Irish eyes are smiling,
Sure, you'd better watch your back.

'Twas on a dreary New Year's Eve.
As the shades of night came down.
A lorry load of volunteers approached a border town.
There were men from Dublin and from Cork
Fermanagh and Tyrone
And the satnav threw a wobbly
And sent them all back home.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 17 Jul 08 - 03:11 PM

YOUNG HUNTING (Mr John Hill, Hughey, Logan County 1916)

It happened on one evening late
As the maid was going to bed
She heard a sound, a beautiful sound
That made her heart feel glad

She thought it was her brother John
Returning from the cane
But, who should it be but Lord Henry
Just from his wild huting

Get down, get down, Lord Henry
And stay all night with me
For the very best lodging in Mulvering town
The best I'll give to thee

I won't get down, I shan't stay down
To stay all night with you
For there's a prettier girl in Camden Town
Who's not only got a Jacuzzi, (Nuff said) but has just ordered a Chicken Jalfrezi, and a 6 pack of lager.

Sorted!

Sorry Love...I'll text you next week.
PS can you look after the dogs?


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 17 Jul 08 - 03:20 PM

Huting? Huting?

Doh!!


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Surreysinger
Date: 17 Jul 08 - 07:41 PM

Per Chambers Dictionary ....
to hut ... verb transitive ....to quarter in or to furnish with a hut or huts ......verb intransitive ... to dwell in a hut or huts..

so.... wild huting??? What WAS he getting up to??


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: TheSnail
Date: 17 Jul 08 - 07:52 PM

She met with a rusty highwayman
Two pistols he held to her breast,
Saying deliver your money, your clothing,
Or else you shall die in distress.

Good God! I wouldn't want to be seen dead in dis dress.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Surreysinger
Date: 17 Jul 08 - 07:58 PM

Been thinking about that - maybe he was in the construction industry ... a jobbing builder in a frenzy......?


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Surreysinger
Date: 17 Jul 08 - 07:59 PM

THat comment was directed at wild huting ... not at dresses....LOL


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Surreysinger
Date: 17 Jul 08 - 09:01 PM

JAMES CAMPBELL   (Frank Proffitt 1960)

Booted and spurred and bridled went he
A plume in his saddle and a sword at his knee
Back came his saddle all bloody to see
Back came his horse, but never came he.

Riding on the highlands steep was the way
Riding in the lowlands
Hard by the Tay.

Out came his old mother
With feet all so bare
Out came his bonnie bride
Tearing her hair

The meadows all a-falling
And the sheep all unshorn
The house is a leaking
And the baby's unborn

But bonnie James Campbell
Nowhere can you see
With a plume in his saddle
And a sword at his knee

I just knew it... he's been fighting down at the boozer again hasn't he??? I suppose he's in a cell down at the nick... I should have listened to me Mum when she warned me about him ....Men!!!


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: The Borchester Echo
Date: 18 Jul 08 - 03:10 AM

YOUNG SHOPPING

Earl Richard is to Tesco gone
His Club Card in his hands
He's bought cheap beer and Pringles round
And at the floozie's door now stands.

"Yer comin' in? The heating's on
And the lava lamp's all lit"
"Nah" said he, '"I'm away back home
Mrs Richard's ten times more fit'"

So she knifed him.

Several weeks later:

Earl Richard, lain long in the Ikea self-assembly wardrobe
Had really begun to smell.
'"'ere, gimme an 'hand", to the cleaner she said,
"to sling 'im down the deep drawer well" .

'Twas the day the bin men went on strike
And the rubbish chute got stuck
Mrs Richard had called the cops
And the two of them screamed "Oh ****"

And then they were both burned like hokey green.
Whatever that is.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 18 Jul 08 - 06:08 AM

Then Douglas rode into Newcastle
"Whose house is this so fine?"
Up and spoke him, proud Percy,
"I tell you this house was mine,
But my mortgage was with Northern Rock, and they foreclosed."


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Phil Edwards
Date: 18 Jul 08 - 10:40 AM

Away and away went the proud young porter,
Away and away went he,
And when he came to the wide water,
He fell on his belly and said, "Hang on, I'm in the wrong ballad".



[That's enough Bateman - Ed.]


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 19 Jul 08 - 07:00 AM

BRENNAN ON THE MOOR

It's of a fearless highwayman, a story now I'll tell
His name was William Brennan, and in Ireland he did dwell
Twas on the Limerick mountains, he commenced his wild career
Acosting various gentlemen, who thought him rather queer.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 19 Jul 08 - 07:32 AM

TIME TO REMEMBER THE POOR (Mr Lolly again!)

Cold Winter is come with it's cold chilling breath
And, the leaves are all gone from the trees
And, all seems touched by the finger of death
And, the streams are beginning to freeze
When the Young Wanton lads o'er the river do slide
When Flora attends us no more
When in plenty you're sitting by a warm fireside
It's time to crack open another can of Tennants Extra


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: fat B****rd
Date: 19 Jul 08 - 02:51 PM

"Me coat and boots is all in pawn"
And I'm bloody freezin'


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 21 Jul 08 - 06:53 AM

THE SIX SWEETHEARTS (Irish)

I've had a grand experience, I'm going to tell you now
By courting six girls all at once, they served me anyhow
My mother said "You're wicked", I laughed at her advice
She said I was naughty, but, I was very nice

So I fell in love with Mary Anne, and then with Mary Jane
And then with pretty Miss McCann, and then with Kate McClean
And then with Betty Hopsican, and then with Nellie Small
There were plenty of others, but, by this stage, I was knackered.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Splott Man
Date: 21 Jul 08 - 07:18 AM

Hello darkness my old friend,
I've stubbed my bloody toe again!


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: A Wandering Minstrel
Date: 21 Jul 08 - 07:59 AM

What are the bugles blowing for?
said Files_on_Parade
B******d if I know
The Colour-Sargeant said...


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jul 08 - 09:11 AM

Oh give me a home where the buffalo roam
And the skies are not cloudy all day,
Where seldom is heard an encouraging word
And farms are foreclosed every day.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Gurney
Date: 22 Jul 08 - 12:16 AM

I remember that one from my childhood, Rapaire, but we finished with 'Where seldom is heard a discouraging word,
'cos the wife is out working all day!'


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Splott Man
Date: 22 Jul 08 - 03:38 AM

Show me a home where the buffalo roam
And I'll show you a house full of s***


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 22 Jul 08 - 05:20 AM

EDWARD CONNORS

Come all you loyal Irishmen, and listen for a while
All that wish to emigrate, and leave the emerald isle
A kind advice I will give you, which you must bear in mind
Don't forget your toothbrush, when you leave your land behind


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 22 Jul 08 - 05:38 AM

THE CREGGAN WHITE HAIR

In the lowlands of Creggan there lives a white hare
As swift as the swallow that flies through the air
You may tramp the world over but none can compare
With the curry that's made from the Bonny White Hare

(PS, a nice lime pickle and an onion bhaji is a nice accompaniment)


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Surreysinger
Date: 22 Jul 08 - 06:09 AM

Blimey .. that white animal with long floppy ears has rematerialised again... so that's what happened to it!!


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 22 Jul 08 - 06:57 AM

THE CREGGAN WHITE HAIR??

Well, she was getting on a bit, but still very sexy!

Sorry for the typo


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Surreysinger
Date: 22 Jul 08 - 07:05 AM

Gives a whole new overtone to the piece...


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Joe_F
Date: 22 Jul 08 - 08:42 PM

...

Matty Groves was a manly man, with balls to split his pants, sirs,
When caught in bed with Arlen's wife, he gave him snappy answers.

...

Now where was Arlen's wife through this? She stayed beneath the covers,
And watched the fight, and did her nails, while Arlen killed her lover.

She never thought to run and hide, nor did she make excuses,
She said the one thing guaranteed to make Arlen blow his fuses.

So she got herself and Matty killed by being a stupid hen --
But what else but a brainless slut would go for Manly Men?

-- Leslie Fish, "Manly Man Matty Groves"


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 23 Jul 08 - 07:25 AM

PAT REILLY

It being on a monday morning,it being our pay day
We met Seargent Jenkins, at our going away
He says to Pat Reilly, you are a handsome young man
Will you come to John Kellys?.......Your imagination takes over at this point.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Paul Burke
Date: 23 Jul 08 - 08:18 AM

She dressed up in man's apparel,
Man's apparel she put on,
And she followed her true lover,
For to find him she is gone.

She rose early the very next morning,
She rose up at the break of day,
There she saw her true love William,
Walking with a lady gay.

She took a look at William Taylor,
And at the lady by his side,
Decided which one she preferred
And took the girl home for her bride.

----

My mother did me deadly spite
For she sent thieves in the dark of night
Put my servants all to flight
They kicked the cat and pinched my bike...


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Sky Sailor
Date: 24 Jul 08 - 02:33 AM

They gave him his orders in Monoe, Virginia....

Have them brakes seen to!

(Couldn't resist)


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 24 Jul 08 - 08:16 AM

Out of his knapsack he drew a fine fiddle

And she said Christ almighty, I thought I was here for a good f*ck and all you can do is think about music !


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 24 Jul 08 - 08:17 AM

I have a sister, Sir Clifford said
A sister no man knows

and his sister thought, that's what YOU think, bro !


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 24 Jul 08 - 09:30 AM

What more perversion could a man desire
Than to beaten be with electric wire ?
Upon his XXXX some dirty wench
Aye, and on the table a jug of punch.

Toora loora loo . . .

Brown Adam came back to the bower
And a little thereby stood he
To hear some poxy full false knight
Hear this from his lady gay :

You're OK for a quickie, lad - Brown Adam's off hunting venison. At least, that's what he said he was doing . . .


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: DMcG
Date: 24 Jul 08 - 09:42 AM

Someone at a club I went to in the seventies used to sing:

What more perversion can a man desire
Than to beat his wife with a Dunlop tyre
.......
Aye, and on the table, a monkey wrench.


That third line escapes me. Probably just as well.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jul 08 - 03:50 PM

Bottle of wine, fruit of the vine
When ya gonna let me get sober?
See your AA, there's a 12 Step Program for you.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 27 Jul 08 - 12:22 AM

THE DYING HOBO (Mr E.C. Smith, Weston, Lewis County, 1915)

(I was going to muck about with this, but the original is too good!)

Behind a western water tank, a dying hobo lay
Inside an empty box car, one cold November day
His comrade sat beside him, with a low and drooping head
Listening to the final words, this dying hobo said.

I am going to a better land, where everything is bright
Where handouts grow on bushes, and you can sleep out every night
Tell my sweetheart back in Denver, no more her face I'll view
For I have caught the fast train, and now I'm going through

Tell her not to weep for me, no tears in her eyes must lurk
For I have gone to a distant land, where men don't have to work
Don't have to work at all my friend, not even change their socks
Where little streams of alcohol, come tingling down the rocks

Hark! I hear the whistling, I must catch her on the fly
Just one more drink of the nine five booze,It's not so hard to die
His voice grew weak, His head fell back, He's sung his last refrain
His partner swiped his coat and hat, and caught the eastbound train!


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Surreysinger
Date: 27 Jul 08 - 08:10 AM

You sure you didn't change that last line Ralphie ?? As you say, too good if true!!


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 27 Jul 08 - 10:33 AM

Yep....True enough....
I've got the book to prove it!
R x


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Surreysinger
Date: 27 Jul 08 - 01:20 PM

What's the name of the book ?


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Michael
Date: 27 Jul 08 - 01:58 PM

At a guess; "Pills to Purge Melancholy"

Well it certainly did somthing to mine!

Mike


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Leadfingers
Date: 27 Jul 08 - 06:32 PM

200


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Leadfingers
Date: 27 Jul 08 - 06:39 PM

And Thomas D'Urfey predated Hobos and trains by SEVERAL years


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 28 Jul 08 - 01:39 AM

Songs From The South.

Haven't got it to hand at the moment.
Details to Follow

R


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: The Borchester Echo
Date: 28 Jul 08 - 06:21 AM

When a knight won the lottery in a story quite new
He was mean and so selfish, and lacked ethics too
With his cheque book in pocket and Visa in hand
For Mammon and greed he strode through Wood Green Shopping City.

No BMW have I and no gold credit card
Yet with Oxfam and Freecycle I find life not hard
Though faced with the credit crunch, freespenders have fled
And the knights are all broke and the dragons . . . (wot's dragons got to do with it?)

Let a small bank buffer zone be my shield
And let . . . (oh no, not horses again)
And let me set free (with a .22 if necessary) from the castle in the dark
All that want to be, just for a lark.

Note for all you pedants out there:

Tune: Stowey (except when nicked by some for Sweet England)
Words: after Jan Struther.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 29 Jul 08 - 07:28 AM

Aye, an' anither thing, Ma - if ye think Ah'll gang tae the Hielan's wi' yon clown frae the burger place, Ronald McDonald, ye can think again !

(Do I get a skelp, Megan :-) ?)


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 30 Jul 08 - 07:06 AM

Ah Irene....Found it...

Folk Songs Of The South
John Harrington Cox
(Of the West Virginia Folklore society)
Published by Dover Press in 1967

THE VANCE SONG (snippet) Rev A M Lunsford 1897

But Vance no more shall Sandy behold
Nor smell it's sweet perfume
This day his eyes are closed in death
His body confined in the tomb

Farewell my friends, my children dear
To you I bid farewell
The love I have for your precious souls
No mortal tongue can tell

Farewell to you, my loving wife
To you I bid adieu
And, If I reach fair Canaans shore
I hope you've made the stew.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 30 Jul 08 - 07:11 AM

AN ARKANSAW TRAVELLER Miss Sallie Evans, Elkins, Randolph County

My name is Bill Stafford, I came from Buffalo town
I've travelled this world all over, I've travelled this wide world round.
I've had my ups and downs in life, but, better days I've saw
I never knew what misery was, til I came to Arkansaw

(In the UK that would be Swindon....but it doesn't rhyme)


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Surreysinger
Date: 30 Jul 08 - 09:36 AM

Merci beaucoups pour l'information .. dis-je en Francais fractured ...

What did Swindon ever do to you??? Should it not be Slough ....
"Come friendly bombs and drop on Slough
It isn't fit for humans now"
(as per the erstwhile Poet Laureate, John Betjeman ...."
Mangle the vowel a bit and it might almost rhyme...


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 06 Aug 08 - 04:19 AM

THE GYPSY'S WARNING (Mr C R Bishop, Pocahontas County 1918)

Do not trust him gentle lady
Though his voice be low and sweet
Heed him not who kneels before thee
Gently pleading at thy feet
Now thy life is in its morning
Cloud not this thy happy lot
Listen to the gypsy's warning
He's my husband, trust him not.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Paul Burke
Date: 06 Aug 08 - 06:00 AM

Classic!


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 08 Aug 08 - 09:53 PM

THE BANKS OF CLAUDIE (Anna Copley, Shoals, Wayne County, 1915)

As I walked out one evening, all in the month of May
Down by the flowery garden, where Betsey she did stray
I overheard this damsel, in sorrow to complain
I've not received my GIRO, the postmans late again.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Barbara
Date: 08 Aug 08 - 11:59 PM

That hobo song of Ralphies? I know it because my 90 year old mother used to sing it to us as kids, but she sang the last lines: "'I'm going to a better place, I'll catch it on the fly,' His comrade stole his hat and boots and left him there to die."
Blessings,
Barbara


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 09 Aug 08 - 04:04 AM

Hi Barbara

A perfect example of the Folk process then!!
Still a very funny line.

Regards Ralphie


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 02:18 AM

POOR MARY IN THE SILVERY TIDE (John Searle Sussex 1901)

It's of a fair young maiden, who dwelt on the seaside
With lovely form and features, she was called the village pride
There was a young sea captain, young Marys heart did gain
And true she was to Henry, although he was a pain.

It was in Henrys absence, that, a nobleman there came
A-Courting pretty Mary, but, she refused the same
Your vows are vain, for on the main, there's one I love, she cried
So, sling your hook, young nobleman, you cannot have a ride.

The nobleman was walking, all alone to take the air
Down by the rolling ocean, he met the lady fair
Then said this artful villain, Come walk with me my dear
And forget about young Henry, for he's a bit of a queer

With trembling hips said Mary, Oh my vows I ne'er can break
If Henry bats for the other side, that does no difference make
With his handkerchief he bound her arms, and plunged her o'er the side
And shrieking she went floating, all along the silvery tide

The nobleman was taken, and the gallows was his doom
For ending pretty Marys life, who scarced attained her bloom
Young Henry so dejected, down to a club he went
And met a pretty sailor boy, who lived in Dartford, Kent.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 02 Sep 08 - 01:05 AM

NO LONGER RELEVANT Dept.

Hal-An-Tow, Jolly Rumbelow.

(Went into liquidation some years ago, I'm led to believe)


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Subject: The Nice But Dim Jacobite
From: Phil Edwards
Date: 26 Oct 08 - 06:02 PM

An uncollected variant of Lord Derwentwater:

'A traitor! a traitor! a traitor!' he cried,
'A traitor! how can that be,
Unless it's for keeping five hundred men
For to fight for King Jamie?
On second thoughts, yes, I suppose that would do it. Never mind.'


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Tootler
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 07:06 PM

Twa Recruiting Sergeants cam' frae the black watch
In markets and fairs some recruits for tae catch
And a' that they listed was none at a'
....
O sod this recruiting lark. I'm going home!


On Raglan Road on an autumn day
He saw her first and knew
With her long dark hair he'd get nowhere
So he went down the pub instead.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Surreysinger
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 08:51 PM

Gosh - glad to see this thread resurrected!!!


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 04 Sep 10 - 09:08 AM

CLAUDY BANKS COPPER FAMILY (Last Verse)

Young Johnny hearing her say so
He could no longer stand
He fell into her arms crying
Betsy I'm that man
I am that handsome young man
And whom you thought was slain
But since we met in Barclays Bank
We'll never part again


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Surreysinger
Date: 04 Sep 10 - 11:25 AM

May I reiterate what I said on 15 Jan melords and ladies - glad to see this thread resurrected ... even if it was initiated by a financial troll! Nice one Ralphie.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Phil Edwards
Date: 04 Sep 10 - 07:05 PM

"And here is the ring that was broken between us,
In the midst of all danger to remind me of you."
And when she saw this token, she fell into my arms crying,
You what? What the hell do you think you're playing at? I thought you were dead! If that's your idea of a homecoming you can bugger off back to Waterloo...


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 05 Sep 10 - 11:55 AM

'Twas Friday night when we set sail
And we sank to the bottom of the sea.


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Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Surreysinger
Date: 05 Sep 10 - 02:39 PM

Well that sort of cuts it down to basics I suppose Dick !


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