BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: frogprince
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 07:32 PM

I can shake it all over the place, slam it against the wall, or run it through a wringer, and the darn thing still oozes a drop enough to show in khakis.
I guess the longer the hose, the harder it is to get it completely drained...

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: bobad
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 06:47 PM

Send him to see Lorena Bobbit, she'll fix him.

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 06:38 PM

He can buy his own bloody trousers and learn to shake properly or apply paper!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Greg B
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 04:10 PM

Liz, you buy them dark trousers, and give their khakis to the
Sally Ann.

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 14 Aug 08 - 06:13 PM

So how does it cope with those men who think it's all over before it actually is, and then it's all over their trousers?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Les from Hull
Date: 14 Aug 08 - 01:59 PM

Goooooaaaalll

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Les from Hull
Date: 14 Aug 08 - 01:58 PM

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Bill D
Date: 14 Aug 08 - 12:37 PM

When the new Student Union building at my school (Wichita State U.)was completed about 1958, they installed a line of those womens urinals...and only two 'regular' stalls. The lines for the regular stalls were LONG.

Within a year they had to tear them out and put in more 'regular', 'cause the women simply wouldn't use them. There were comments about 'body type', about the silly assumption that most women wore skirts instead of jeans, about the problem of pantyhose, about the physical strain of assuming a proper 'stance'...etc.

No, no one had conducted any simple research first.

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 13 Aug 08 - 01:33 PM

I found this in my collection.. by Richard Stilgo... thought it might add to the general ambience....


Now I'm in here, the door has closed,
And every thing seems wrong.
There are things inside this room,
That somehow, don't belong
Oh God, I feel so embarrassed,
I've not done this before,
I have entered the wrong cloakroom door;

This is the ladies; I'm a man!
Where are you supposed to stand?


Tune "You're a lady, I'm a man" by Peter Skellern

It never actually gets any further, the audience are usually in hysterics by now…


































I'll get me coat.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: GUEST,rb
Date: 13 Aug 08 - 01:23 PM

but remember, when staggering up to a urinal... don't eat the peppermints in it

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Schantieman
Date: 13 Aug 08 - 12:59 PM

They look like slightly distorted sit-upons.

I have seen (on what was proably a rather dodgy website) instructions and illustrations showing er... ladies how to pee standing up. Without getting wet legs, that is. Perhaps I should add that this was supposed to be in order to alleviate the ubiquitous queues in ladies' public toilets by enabling them to use the gents' urinals.

Nuff said.

Steve

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: bobad
Date: 13 Aug 08 - 11:45 AM

"They make urinals for non-gents?"

Women's urinals

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 13 Aug 08 - 04:40 AM

Sign in a UK gents toilet, from the cleaning staff......

WE AIM TO PLEASE! YOU AIM TOO PLEASE!

Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 13 Aug 08 - 12:42 AM

Don't fire till you see the whites of their eyes!

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 12 Aug 08 - 06:19 PM

Er...I should just say that it was the pictures half way down there, of flowers and shells....and not the ones of the scary women taking notes.

Right, I'm not supposed to be in here..so I'll buzz off fast, back to The Ladies.

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 12 Aug 08 - 05:52 PM

I shouldn't really be in the 'Gents', but...

You guys are happy just to settle for a fly?

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: GUEST,anthropoid ape
Date: 12 Aug 08 - 08:20 AM

Many a true word spoken in jest; have you ever noticed that when you go on holiday that you tend not to dung for the first day or even longer (unless you've already got the squitters from dodgy food or water); I think this has do to with not wishing to "mark territory" when you're in a strange place and goes back to our days as hunter-gatherers.

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Don Firth
Date: 29 Jul 08 - 08:02 PM

The thought just occurred to me: does this have anything to do with marking one's territory!??

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 29 Jul 08 - 07:47 PM

"it is well known that the male will direct his urine at a target if one is presented to him. "

The Mudcat BS threads often demonstrate this... :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Wincing Devil
Date: 29 Jul 08 - 07:37 PM

>Adamses gents urinals

They make urinals for non-gents?

};-(

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: GUEST,stu
Date: 29 Jul 08 - 06:03 PM

Adamses gents urinals were all made with a bullseye printed on the porcelain

Stu

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 29 Jul 08 - 01:04 PM

A grafitto six inches from the ceiling above the urinal:
If you can pee this high the local fire department wants you!

Seamus

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jul 08 - 11:57 AM

From the above-linked patent, a classic example of patent-lawyer language, deep semantics for a shallow subject:

"I claim:

1. In a toilet bowl or urinal the combination comprising:
A target means to attract the attention of urinating human males to be wholly disposed within the bowl or urinal and to be permanently connected to the bowl or urinal; said target means being flexible prior to being non-removedly connected; said target being disposed in said bowl or urinal such that no part of said target extends outside of the volume partially enclosed by said bowl or urinal; and said target being void of moving parts.



2. The combination in claim 1 wherein: the target comprises a first waterproof layer and a second adhesive layer which is not water soluble.

3. The combination in claim 2 wherein:
the target is sufficiently flexible to conform to a surface which curves in at least two directions.



4. The combination in claim 2 wherein: said waterproof layer completely encloses an intermediate member.

5. The combination in claim 2 wherein:
said first waterproof layer formed from one of a group of materials comprising natural rubber, synthetic rubber, polyolefin, polyester or polyvinyl.



6. The combination in claim 3 wherein:
said second adhesive layer is formed from a base of one of a group of acrylic, synthetic rubber, rubber or any combination of them.



7. The combination in claim 5 in which said second adhesive layer is formed from a base of one of a group of acrylic, synthetic rubber, rubber or any combination of them.

8. The combination of claim 2 wherein:
said target comprises an intermediate member completely enclosed by said first waterproof layer and said second adhesive layer.



Description:BACKGROUND OF THE INVENTION

Attracting the attention of urinating males to help in toilet training or to aid in keeping toilets, urinals and the areas around them clean has long been known to be desirable.

Parents, janitors, and others responsible for this cleanliness have often despaired the human male sloppiness of failing to direct urine into the proper receptacles.

Whether dealing with infants or males of other ages, it is well known that the male will direct his urine at a target if one is presented to him.

BRIEF DESCRIPTION OF THE PRIOR ART


A study of the prior art reveals that various types of devices for attracting the attention of human males are known.

One of these is a rotatable propeller suspended by struts over a toilet. The struts are connected by a ball and socket arrangement to a suction cup which is in turn attached to the external side of the toilet. The invention is taught by U.S. Pat. No. 2,703,407 issued to R. E. Henock et al on Mar. 8, 1955.

Other types of devices are known which sense a change in weight or water level in the toilet bowl and cause a music or chime box to become active.

SUMMARY OF THE INVENTION


The present invention teaches a novel target structure which may be positioned low in the bowl of a toilet or a urinal and which will not have to be removed or rendered inoperative when the toilet is cleaned or used for purposes other than male urination.

The present invention teaches a target which can be kept submerged in the toilet or bowl and will not be affected by either the flushing fluid or the urine or other substances commonly found to be flushed in toilets or urinals.

The present invention teaches a target which is safe, sanitary and which does not require independent cleaning."

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: GUEST,By numbers
Date: 29 Jul 08 - 11:24 AM

Reminders of army life; we were even taught the approved way to urinate:
"One; grasp organ. Two; retract foreskin. Three; commence to pissin'. Four; recover foreskin (sic). Five; shake member. Six; recover organ"


We could hear "Two - Four. Two - Four. Two - Four" echoing from solitary in the Guard House.

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: folk1e
Date: 28 Jul 08 - 08:48 PM

At Saddleworth Conservative Club there was a set of "stones" with the name of "Beryl" ..... they had eather a fly or a bee to aim at .....and they are older than I am!

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Jul 08 - 03:54 PM

I've been told that you have to be able to pee around corners to make the Assault Squad of the Idaho Legion. This is for when you've run out of normal ammo.

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Wincing Devil
Date: 28 Jul 08 - 12:52 PM

LTS:

That "Homer" quote is a rip off of the late GREAT George Carlin:
"Shake it more than twice and it's jerkin off"

};-(

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 27 Jul 08 - 04:04 PM

To quote Homer Simpson...


More than two shakes and it's playing with yourself.

10 points to anyone who can tell me where in the movie that bit comes... I understand it was "omitted" from some versions.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Wincing Devil
Date: 27 Jul 08 - 03:44 PM

This is getting to be a piss-poor thread.

};-(

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: gnu
Date: 27 Jul 08 - 03:09 PM

Ya gotta be taught not to piss on yer hands? Think I would go to Yale.

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Don Firth
Date: 27 Jul 08 - 01:51 PM

A Yale student and a Harvard student are standing side by side at the urinals. When they finish, the Yale student heads to the wash basins and he notices that the Harvard student is heading toward the door. He says, "At Yale, they teach us to wash our hands after urinating."

The Harvard student responds, "At Harvard, they teach us not to urinate on our hands."

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 27 Jul 08 - 11:41 AM

Now I'm growing old and feeble,
And my pilot light is out.
What used to be my sex-appeal
Is now my water-spout.
I used to be embarrassed
Just to make the thing behave.
For each & ev'ry morning
It would stand to watch me shave.
But now I'm old and feeble,
And it sure gives me the blues,
To see the thing hang down my leg,
And watch me shine my shoes!

(From memory, Book of Rugby songs)

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Wincing Devil
Date: 27 Jul 08 - 09:59 AM

Jane Fonda is a favorite target in some venues.

Just Remember:
Now matter how much you shake
and how much you dance
the last couple of drops
always end up in your pants!

};-(

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Leadfingers
Date: 27 Jul 08 - 07:56 AM

MY fave Gents Urinal sign was :-

                Our aim is to keep this Toilet Clean
   
                      Your Aim will help

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 27 Jul 08 - 03:33 AM

Sign in a local pub mens toilet reads:- We aim to please will you please aim.

Growing older is a chore,
Can't pee over walls no more.
And when I stand, the bog to use,
Some of it ends up on my shoes.

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Newport Boy
Date: 27 Jul 08 - 02:55 AM

Fred & Ethel weren't entirely happy that their daughter Jane had gone out on a snowy evening with her new boyfriend. It was with some reluctance that Ethel was persuaded to go to bed before they returned. However, the youngsters returned while Ethel was still preparing herself for bed, and she heard their fond farewells on the doorstep.

When the front door shut firmly, Ethel peeped through the curtains to make sure the young lad had gone.

"Fred - that boy has been peeing his name in the snow!"

"It's OK, Ethel, that's what young lads do."

"But his name is in Jane's handwriting!!"

Phil

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Don Firth
Date: 26 Jul 08 - 09:25 PM

. . . and one should always take into consideration how loaded the shooter is, which could adversely affect accuracy. And then there is the matter of magazine capacity. . . .

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: GUEST,pantpissedrocker
Date: 26 Jul 08 - 08:33 PM

i'm nearly 50..

so how do we stop the after dribble..

when wer'e so sure we shook it off comletely

before leaving the pub toilet.. ???????

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: gnu
Date: 26 Jul 08 - 08:24 PM

Hehehehe... that's a pisser that is!

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Deckman
Date: 26 Jul 08 - 08:23 PM

GEEZE DON ... what about the "windage factor?" If it pulls to the left, lean to the right, etc. And one must always be aware of the dangers of Mercury in retro-grade, to say nothing about the positive, or negative, effects of solar sun spots! Bob(deckman)Nelson

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Rumncoke
Date: 26 Jul 08 - 06:51 PM

Why a fly?

If it was a bee it would be a latin pun.

Maybe the modern Northern European school curiculum doesn't include latin.

If yours didn't, the latin for bee is apis.

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: gnu
Date: 26 Jul 08 - 06:23 PM

Dick!

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 26 Jul 08 - 05:10 PM

So if I painted a fly on female anatomy...

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Gurney
Date: 26 Jul 08 - 05:08 PM

There are indeed other uses, Richard, but the older you get, the more your ambitions in that direction become unrequited, making access more difficult.

The word 'direction' is not intended as a pun.

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 26 Jul 08 - 04:33 PM

Well, it's all very well concentrating onurinary aim, but there are other things one could do with a penis I'm told, and how might one improve the aim in those respects?

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Bill D
Date: 26 Jul 08 - 11:48 AM

And I see links to related devices! Like this one.

Ain't the WWW wonderful to provide us with immediate access to such important information! ☺

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Bill D
Date: 26 Jul 08 - 11:41 AM

I don't suppose anyone else remembers "Whizzers" from the 50s? Little paper targets you could float in the toilet?

After a bit of searching I found this (scroll down for more than you ever wanted to know ....They mention Whizzers, but claim their idea is better.

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Ed T
Date: 25 Jul 08 - 09:43 PM

http://www.daddiosdailydose.com/2008/02/fly-in-uh-urinal.html

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 25 Jul 08 - 08:42 PM

There are a lot of cock-sure males on mudcat aren't there?

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Don Firth
Date: 25 Jul 08 - 06:57 PM

Factory adjustment of sights from clamped bench-tests does not always produce optimum accuracy. The process of the individual shooter developing precision accuracy requires taking into consideration not only the personal characteristics and idiosyncrasies of the shooter, but environmental factors as well. For example, it is often characteristic that right-handed shooters tend to pull slightly to the right, and left-handed shooters pull to the left. Environmental factors include distance from the target, making it necessary to adjust elevation to compensate vertically for trajectory, and wind direction and force require compensation for horizontal deviation.

Loaded weapons should not be handled frivolously. Use extreme caution and be certain that the muzzle is pointed downrange at all times.

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Gurney
Date: 25 Jul 08 - 05:32 PM

Don't see the problem, myself. If they need cleaning, they need cleaning.


Now, what are they going to do about the introspective-moment-20%ers?

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: gnu
Date: 25 Jul 08 - 05:09 PM

Look up.

Look up again.

Look up just a bit further.

You are pissing on your shoes.

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 25 Jul 08 - 04:16 PM

I have had occasional trouble with my flies in urinals!

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 25 Jul 08 - 04:07 PM

Now where did I put that waterproof marker pen......


Would it work with cats do you think?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jul 08 - 01:28 PM

If there is a fly on your fly, gently take the swatter from your friend's grasp.

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Art Thieme
Date: 25 Jul 08 - 11:22 AM

Upon conviction, it is appropriate to incarcerate these entrepreneurs in a penile institution. A fly on your fly flies in the face of human dignity. A fly is a fly is a ... Bottom line: If there is a fly in your soup, check to see if the cook was once a tailor!

Art

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Wincing Devil
Date: 25 Jul 08 - 11:13 AM

There is always the "Pii Pii" game for the Wii. No Shit! (pun intended)

};-(

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Donuel
Date: 25 Jul 08 - 11:08 AM

There is in fact a video game that is placed in a urinal to score points.

ITs gotta be true, I read it here.

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jul 08 - 10:22 AM

ROFLMAO!!!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Jul 08 - 10:18 AM

The fly in the urinal trick worked pretty well until some drunk spotted a real fly on the ceiling and thought it was the next level of the game.

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Donuel
Date: 25 Jul 08 - 09:53 AM

Then there is the rare phenomena of the twin stream

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: kendall
Date: 25 Jul 08 - 09:53 AM

Sign over a urinal:

If your hose is short or your pressure is weak,
Stand up close or you'll piss on your feet.

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: GUEST,lox
Date: 25 Jul 08 - 09:41 AM

I remember the fly ...

I assumed it was a little joke to entertain first time cannabis tourists ...

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Bobert
Date: 25 Jul 08 - 09:38 AM

After the P-Vine took me aside for a little talk I swore off peein'... Sho nuff did...

Subject: RE: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jul 08 - 09:33 AM

I use a laser sighting device, myself.

Subject: BS: Accuracy of Penile Aim
From: Newport Boy
Date: 25 Jul 08 - 09:32 AM

Reported in today's "The Week" - from a book called "Nudge! Nudge!" by Richard Thaler and Cass Sunstein.

'Managers at Amsterdam's Schiphol airport, eager to reduce cleaning costs in the men's loos, had a fly drawn on the porcelain of each of the urinals - a behavioural nudge that has improved the accuracy of penile aim by 80%.'

There's no information on how the measurements were carried out.

Phil