Mad Magazine parodies

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 14 Aug 18 - 12:43 AM

I'm searching Alfred E., for a classic from around(1960) the time between throwing lemons at cars and finally getting it wet. A dentist song to the tune of the Air Force song.
Off we go,Into the wild mouth yonder, looking for molars to fill. There's a tooth ready to feel out thunder, at em boy's, give em the dril..???/@#$%^&*()@@##DFDI'..................I've lost the middle part and that section of my brain, but
IF YOU REMEBER THE LAST STANZA OF THE AIR FORCE song, I guess it's a song
WHEN WE'RE IN DOUBT
WE PULL THEM OUT
OH' N0THING CAN STOP THE DENTISTS TODAY

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: EBarnacle
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 12:00 AM

In the years this thread has been running, there has been mention of some of the regular guest contributors, especially from the '50's but who can forget Tom Lehrer, whose every printed utterance was a glorious epic parody of entire generae without having to say "I'm writing something to the melody of X." Consider "The Wild West is where I want to be" and many others. I am glad he is still with us but regret his retirement.

Subject: RE: TO A SMOKER, IT'S A KENT
From: GUEST,GUEST
Date: 27 Nov 18 - 04:55 PM

To a sheriff, it's a top gun's shot,
to a rustler, it's a hangman's knot,
to a cowboy, it's a mad stampede,
to a smoker, it's a weed.

To a bigot, it's a Jew next door,
to a klansman, it's a guy from CORE,
to a bircher, it's a Commie nut,
to a smoker, it's a butt.

To a diver, it's a hungry shark,
to a stroller, it's a Central Park,
to a hunter, it's a wild stag,
to a smoker, it's a drag.

To an ulcer, it's a shot of booze,
to a weak heart, it's some shocking news,
to a deep cut, it could be gangrene,
to a smoker, nicotine.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Donuel
Date: 29 Nov 18 - 08:54 PM

GUESTGUEST Kent had a Micronite filter ( short for micronitroglycerin )

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Fred
Date: 08 Dec 18 - 01:32 PM

Off we go
Into the lunchroom yonder
Pushing girls, out of the way.
Forward boys,
Start moving down the counter,
Grab your grub, fill up your tray.
Try the beans, they were prepared last Friday,
And the meat's tough as a mule.
The soup is cold
The bread's got mold
Yech! Anything beats the lunchroom at our school.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Fred
Date: 08 Dec 18 - 01:58 PM

Off we go
Into the lunchroom yonder
Pushing girls, out of the way.
Forward boys,
Start moving down the counter,
Grab your grub, fill up your tray.
Try the beans, they were prepared last Friday,
And the meat's tough as a mule.
The soup is cold
The bread's got mold
Yech! Anything beats the lunchroom at our school.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: robomatic
Date: 08 Dec 18 - 08:16 PM

No song but when I was in high school I got to visit the Soviet Union. For my onflight reading I took a copy of MAD magazine where they were skewering the movie version of "Catch-22". The magazine cover was a big headed Alfred E. Neuman in WWII flight gear smiling his inimitable grin. Got some interesting double takes going through Soviet Customs!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Guest67
Date: 21 Dec 18 - 12:31 PM

When I was about 10, my friend and I would sing Mad Magazine parodies for my dad. He would laugh until his stomach hurt, his face was red, and he had to take off his glasses and wipe his eyes between bellows of laughter. I remember several, my favorite being this one. Here's most of it, sung to the tune of "Love is Blue:

News, News, It's time for News
Cronkite is here, so what can you lose?
News, News, World leaders' views
Brezhnev, and Mao, and George Pompidou

(Line I can't remember--can anyone help?
(Line I can't remember--can anyone help?
News, News, Domestic News,
News of the Mob, that you can't refuse

When we're through
And the world's picked clean,
Sevareid will explain what you've seen!

Bought the Mad Magazine Anniversary book and was disappointed to see that the song lyrics didn't make it. They probably had no idea how many people loved them and still remember them. In my case, it's been around 45 years, and I'm missing two lines.
Funny what sticks with you. I can't remember where I've put my phone or car keys, but I remember the whole skit we laid out for my dad.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Donuel
Date: 24 Dec 18 - 08:43 AM

The first movie I saw and could retell was Attack of the 50 foot Woman.
This month the cover of Mad is Attack of the 50 ft Trump.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Dave
Date: 19 Feb 19 - 02:05 PM

Sung to the tune of "Button up your Overcoat"

Buckle up your helmet strap, hide behind a tree,
there's a riot again down at PS3.
Don't go near the picket line, that's no place to be,
they may fracture your skull down at PS3.
Beware of roughneck nuts, oooo,
switchblade cuts, oooo, trooper's mutts, oooo.
You'll get a bite in your tummy tum tum tum.
Keep away from flying rocks they bay break your knee.
Life at school nowadays is like world war 3.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Guest
Date: 08 Mar 19 - 02:04 AM

Huntley, Huntley on my screen,
Dullest newsman I have seen.
What infernal network plan,
Makes thee such a boring man?

Brinkley, Brinkley cute and bright,
Coining quips each weekday night,
x
x

x
x
Huntley, Brinkley I detest,
I'll get my news on CBS

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 28 Mar 19 - 10:42 AM

Guest: Wry Mouth

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Mrturk
Date: 04 Apr 19 - 02:39 PM

The way I remembered it:

There's a bright golden cloud in our backyeard,
There's the smell of charred beef in our backyard.
The scene may appear.
As an A-bomb dropped here,
But it's only our barbecue out in the rear,
Oh, what a beautiful beefsteak,
Oh, what a thick tenderloin.
Too bad my pop likes to cook out,
Burned to a crisp, it'll boin.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Mrturk
Date: 04 Apr 19 - 02:40 PM

Here's another verse:
Weekends we,
Would go and see,
What used to be,
Schenectady.
We'll shout with glee,
The thruway will be free.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Mrturk
Date: 04 Apr 19 - 02:47 PM

I read MAD from the late 50's to the mid 70's. I considered 'East Side Story' the best parody they ever did. Great lyrics and a good finish. The artwork had lots of little things in it. Songs included, 'Nikita, I just met a Red named Nikita'; 'Dear Commissar Khrushchev'.
Check out this line from their version of 'America':
"Life is a whiz in America,
Eddie met Liz in America,
Thought she was his in America,
Well, that's show biz in America.
You'll like the weather in Moscow,
If you like driving a snow plow."

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: clueless don
Date: 05 Apr 19 - 06:36 AM

From East Side Story:

Please be sweet to us
and give a seat to us ...

[This was Mao asking that Red China be admitted to the UN - sung to the tune of "There's a place for us".]

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Real Old Fan
Date: 24 Apr 19 - 06:09 PM

Jack and Jill

You can talk of blood'n gore when you're in a shooting war
And the enemy is charging for the hill -
But if you're liking slaughter,
Then you ought a haul some water,
Like that brave and fearless couple, Jack and Jill.

Well they had a pail to fill
When they climbed that craggy hill
And they never thought that soon they would be dead;
But Jack he too a fall and bounced just like a ball
Til he landed in a a gully on his head.

He hollered, "Jill, Jill, Jill!
I'm a lying at the bottom of the hill"
But poor Jill had plunged as well and they died right where they fell.
You've a lot more guts than I have, Jack and Jill.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Kosmo!
Date: 01 May 19 - 10:44 PM

Does anyone recall a song parody about a dive restaurant called "This Place" sung to the tune of This Train is Bound for Glory"...?

Here is some of what I remember:

This place got surly waiters, this place.
This place got surly waiters, this place.
This place got surly waiters, watery soups and half-baked 'taters,
This place to no one caters, this place.

I'm remembering this from almost 50 years ago and I think the issue would be older than that. Loved Mad!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Carle Place
Date: 11 May 19 - 11:30 PM

Sung to the tune of "Try to Remember" from The Fantasticks

Try to remember, this coming November, and vote for Neuman, vote for Neuman,

Change your direction, don't look for perfection, and vote for Neuman, vote for Neuman,

Alfred E. Neuman, with brains of albumin, will win just like Truman did from Missouri.

Back him today, and the country can say, "What me worry, worry, worry, worry, worry, worry".

Mad Magazine, June 1972 ?
(additional lyrics/details welcome)

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 01 Jul 19 - 07:27 PM

My Blue Shelter

A hole in the floor, a six inch lead door
We're happy in my blue shelter.

You'll see a smiling face with out a trace of coming doom
A little nest that's nestled where the H-bombs boom.

Just Molly and me, let's see that makes three.
We're happy in my blue shelter.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Rabbit Hole hopper
Date: 03 Jul 19 - 01:42 AM

From the slums of Baltic Avenue,
To the Boardwalk and Park Place,
We will buy up all the properties,
Build hotels on every space.
We will drive our folks to bankruptcy,
If they fail to pay our price,
But we cannot even start the game,
Until someone finds the dice!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Fred Maslan
Date: 05 Jul 19 - 03:06 PM

Latest news

MAD Magazine is ceasing publication.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 07 Jul 19 - 05:30 AM

school lunchroom song sung to the tune of off we go

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,GUEST
Date: 07 Jul 19 - 10:53 AM

In the fifties cars had fins and lots of chrome. MAD parodied that to the Marine Corps Hymn.

From the gaudy grills of Cadillac to the fins of Chevrolet,
We will push GM's new models and make obsolescence pay.
So to heck with Ford and Chrysler, boys,
And to sports cars from afar,
We won't stop 'til every family owns a brand new GM car!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 07 Jul 19 - 02:24 PM

Nice article about MAD publication.

Humorist "Weird Al Yankovic" gives a nod to the magazine leading him to his musical discovery of, " “I certainly went beyond Mad magazine to discover Spike Jones and Stan Freberg and Tom Lehrer, but it all started with Mad ..."

https://beta.washingtonpost.com/arts-entertainment/2019/07/04/mad-magazine-pioneer-modern-satire-will-soon-cease-publishing-new-content/?outputType=amp

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Oct 19 - 10:20 AM

These might be repeats, i didnt have time to read all of these comments, just found this page but had to contribute. THanks for sharing all of these! I loved these.

sung to: Off We Go Into The Wild Blue Yonder

Off we go into the lunch room yonder
pushing girls out of our way
Forward boys start moving down the counter
Grab your grub, fill up your tray.
Try the beans, they were prepared last Friday
and the meat's tough as a mule
The soup is cold,
The breads got mold, YECH!
anything beats our lunchroom at school.

Oh how I loved these parodies. I'm 63 and still have them in my head.

Sung to: As the Caissons Go Rolling Along

In a test
for a class
that we know we just cant pass,
see the goof offs go faking along
start to heave, fake a chill
anything so you'll look ill
as the goof offs go faking along
For its hi hi hoo
lets all fake the Asian flu
Shout out your symptoms loud and strong
Blah, Ech!
we will feel enthused
when the teacher says excused
as the goof offs go faking along.

Cant remember the actual tune of this one.
Cheat em all
cheat em all
in the springtime
the winter
and fall.
those Lincoln quotations
we hide in our fist
that Longfellow verse
written on our left wrist.
If you find,
that your mind cant recall,
the date when the Romans took Gaul,
a glance at your kneecap will help you recap
so why take a chance
Cheat em all!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: clueless don
Date: 04 Oct 19 - 06:17 AM

GUEST, the third of your parodies looks like it was sung to "Bless 'em All".

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Nov 19 - 05:49 PM

DOES ANYONE KNOW THE MAD LYRICS FOR XMAS SONG LET IT SNOW...
EG OH THE WEATHER OUTSIDE IS SNOWING
AND THE GARBAGE MEN AREN'T SHOWING......ETC

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Roland
Date: 22 Dec 19 - 06:51 AM

Some Mad "nursery rhymes" that have stuck with me all these years:

When Onassis goes broke,
and the H-bomb's a joke,
and bookies no longer take bets,
when bacon is kosher,
then Leo Durocher
will win seven straight from the Mets!
*
Twinkle, twinkle, man with star,
officer, don't tag my car!
Though it's double-parked and waits,
can't you see my M.D. plates?!
*
If wishes were horses, we'd all ride for free.
If Huntley were Cronkite, we'd watch NBC!

(to the tune of "The Caissons go marching along")
In a test
for a class
that we know
that we can't pass
see the goof-offs go faking along!

Start to heave,
fake a chill,
anything so's you'll look ill,
as the goof-offs go faking along!

For it's hi hi hoo,
we'll all fake the Asian flu!
Call out your symptoms loud and strong (blah! ecch!)
We will feel enthused
when the teacher says excused
as the goof-offs go faking along!

Ya gotta be ancient to appreciate these :)

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,missingjackcarney
Date: 04 Jan 20 - 08:11 PM

Here's the bad restaurant parody:
This place ain't got clean dishes, this place.
This place ain't got clean dishes, this place.
This place ain't got clean dishes, moldy breads and rancid fishes.
This place serves what it wishes, this place.

This place has surly waiters, this place.
This place has surly waiters, this place.
This place has surly waiters, watery soups and half-baked 'taters.
This place to no one caters, this place.

This place has two main courses, this place.
This place has two main courses, this place.
This place has two main courses, both of them with thick brown sauces camouflaging meat from horses, this place.

I also liked "Fat-Bellied Men" to the tune of "Stout-Hearted Men."

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,JohnH
Date: 08 Feb 20 - 03:53 PM

Pray, pray for old Pivnick Tech
We're gonna get it right in the neck!
Send the sound of Taps on high
as our whole team lays down to die!

What though the odds be great or small,
old Pivnick Tech will fumble the ball
while our undergrads get sick and transfer to USC.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Alleyshop
Date: 02 Apr 20 - 11:19 PM

Once upon a midnight causious
While I pondered weak and nauseous
Over advertising copy I had wrote for Macy's store
As I nodded nearly napping
Suddenly there came a yapping
As if someone softly yapping
Yapping at my office door
This some visitor, I muttered
Yapping at my office door
Only this and nothing more

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Donuel
Date: 06 Apr 20 - 02:49 PM

Make my grave in the Trump Hotel,
Not a lowly plain, or a lofty hill;
Put it at the end of the escaltor,
On the doorstep of the great imitator .

Engrave Trump lies around my grave.
Like Arlington make sure that I stay
His shadow above my silent tomb
Would make it a place of fear & gloom.

I could rest in the noise of Fifth Avenue
On my birthday you can have free barbecue.
Try to manage a shriek of wild despair
Like a million curses in NYC air.

I could not sleep if Trump went free
His dieing in prison is reason for glee
Such a cruel narcissist unfeeling beast
should be punished for his hateful beliefs.

Let my grave in the Trump Hotel help remind
how the US was fired, attacked by virus and died
One day Trump hotels will be demolished.
Maybe men like Trump will be abolished

I ask no monument, proud and high,
To arrest the gaze of the passers-by;
All that my yearning spirit craves,
Is bury me not in a land depraved.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 14 Apr 20 - 10:43 PM

Has anyone got "By the time i reach the kleenex.
based on 'by the time i get to phoenix?.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 17 Apr 20 - 09:58 PM

Who did

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 19 Apr 20 - 03:36 PM

Mort Drucker died last week in New York at the age of 91.

As a cartoonist he did over 260 of the televison and TV parodies.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Time to go buy a copy.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 19 Apr 20 - 03:41 PM

Yipes, forgot the obit.

Obit NY Times Drucker

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Brice
Date: 19 Apr 20 - 07:28 PM

I (something) a minute too late - maimed.
I cross the street and what is my fate? - Maimed
I'm always in the middle whenever there's a riot that's inflamed.
They make a mess galore of me,
They make a field of war of me,
Each day there's something more of me maimed.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Donuel
Date: 21 Apr 20 - 07:38 PM

Here is one in the spirit of Mad.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: haddocker
Date: 01 Jul 20 - 05:46 PM

I'm assuming you're a Marine.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Mark Loundy
Date: 06 Jul 20 - 03:01 PM

Sung to the tube of The Caisson Song (Over Hill, Over Dale...)

Over booze, over beer (can't remember)
As the barflies go yapping along

Football facts, baseball lore
We remember every score
As the barflies go yapping along

For it's "Hie hie hee!" when some rummies disagree
Shout out your answer loud and strong ("Says you!")

For we will prove our point, while we're busting up the joint
As the barflies go yapping along

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,David H Watson
Date: 14 Aug 20 - 07:14 AM

I can remember some of the rest of My Blue Shelter: (ref 04 Sep 08 - 01:30 PM)

Just a hole in the floor
A six inch thick lead door ...
Will lead you to my Blue Shelter

   (another verse)

You'll see a smiling face without a trace of coming doom
A little nest nestled where the H-bombs boom

Just Maggie(?) and me
Let's see that makes three
We're happy in my blue shelter

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Justin
Date: 21 Aug 20 - 12:37 PM

So happy I found this thread! Read through all 10 years of it! The idea to look up Mad parodies popped in my head after watching Hello Dolly on TV, and remembered bits of Hello Deli. Lo and behold, I found it here.

Does anyone remember one about geetting high or drunk that was sung to Skip To My Lou?

It went something like,

Sniff, sniff, go sniff some glue
You'll take off like a DC2...

There was something about Schlitz brew at the end too.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies -- Melvin, Norman and Fr
From: GUEST,Bob Rabinoff
Date: 21 Sep 20 - 12:34 AM

Justin -- I seem to remember a line like:
"We have come to search for a city dump
Where a thousand rats run free."

My late lady got me a DVD of the 1st 50 years of MAD, so I'll see what I can find.

Bob

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Gardog
Date: 10 Oct 20 - 09:36 PM

Re: Alcatraz, I remember a few more lines.

Alcatraz is calling!
Hear it shout through the gloom.
Your own special cell.
Your own racketeers.
Living together
for 99 years!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Joe
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 11:49 AM

(sung to the tune of "Maria" from West Side Story)

Amoeba! They call this grey blob an Amoeba!
It only has one cell, and yet it does quit well, it's true.
Amoeba! Just look at the crazy Amoeba!
Contentedly it sits, then suddenly it splits in two --
Amoeba! It's dividing again into four cells,
And these four cells will split into more cells.
Amoeba! Therer's nothing quit like the Amoeba!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Joe
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 11:58 AM

(sung to the tune of Frere Jacques)

Bad bad matches, bad bad matches,
I touched you. I touched you.
You mad quite a fire, there goes brother Meyer,
Toodle-oo! Toodle-oo!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Joe
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 12:18 PM

The "Blowin' in the Wind" parody went something like this:

How many times must a man spray with Ban
Before he doesn't offend?
Yes, and how many times must he gargle each day
Before he can talk to a friend?
Yes, and how many tubes of shampoo must he buy
Before his dandruff will end?
The sponsors my friend, will sell you all they can.
The sponsors will sell you all they can.

How many times must a man use Gilette
Before shaving won't make him bleed?
Yes, and how many cartons of Kents must he smoke
Before the girls all pay him heed?
Yes and how many products must one person buy
Before he'll have all that he'll need?
The sponsors my friend, will sell you all they can.
The sponsors will sell you all they can.

How many times must a gal clean her sink
Before Ajax scours out that stain?
Yes and how many times must she rub in Ben-Gay
Before she can rub out the pain?
Yes and how many ads on TV must we watch
Before we are driven insane?
The sponsors my friend, will broadcast all they can.
The sponsors will broadcast all they can.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Joe
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 12:24 PM

Paul Revere's famous ride (sung to the tune of "You Better Watch Out")

Oh, you better watch out
Before it's too late,
You better beware
I'm tellin' you straight --
British troops are coming to town.

They're wearin' white wigs,
They're wearin' red coats,
You better lie low
And burn all your notes --
British troops are coming to town.

Just watch that old church steeple,
That's my advice to you.
If it's by land you'll see one light,
If by sea then you'll see two.

Oh, they've got a big list
Of folks to be shot,
Depending if they are
Loyal or not --
British troops are coming to town!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Joe
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 12:49 PM

When I was teen and seven -- by A.E. Houseboat

When I was teen and seven,
I heard a salesman say:
"Give me your dimes and your dollars,
And I'll give this Nash away."
"Give me your watch and your keychain,
Then climb behind the wheel."
Well being teen and seven,
I quickly closed the deal.

When I was teen and seven,
I heard him say again,
"Trade that wreck for an Edsel!
Gain status among men!"
"Give me your Nash and fifty,
For years of driving fun!"
Well I'm still but teen and seven,
And the Edsel's ceased to run.