Mad Magazine parodies

Subject: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Fred Maslan
Date: 31 Aug 08 - 03:04 PM

I remember fondly from my youth that Mad Magazine did a number of parodies of popular songs and classics. The one I remember best was
their parody of "Tea for Two" post WWIII

Picture you alone with me
A tree for two our home would be
With me for you and you for me ALONE!

Nobody near us to see or to hear us
No inlaws arriving
Cause none are surviving
No one will phone dear
Cause there are no phones to own, dear

That's all I remember, but i would love to have more. If anyone remembers or has ancient moldering copies of mad they can research I would be most apreciative.

Thank you all.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: MartinRyan
Date: 31 Aug 08 - 03:17 PM

"I wandered lonely as a cloud
.......

When all at once I spied a crowd
- A host of golden daffodils.
Beside the lake, beneath the trees
Enough to make a man's blood freeze."

Jeez! I'm getting flashbacks of Black Spy and White Spy!

Regards

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: fat B****rd
Date: 31 Aug 08 - 03:22 PM

I can't remenmber the words but in their Beat Generation parody "Wouldn't It Be Loverly" became "Wouldn't It Be Kerouac".
Now I wish I'd kept all my Mad paperbacks !!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: bubblyrat
Date: 31 Aug 08 - 03:23 PM

What ? Me worry ?

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Little Robyn
Date: 31 Aug 08 - 03:58 PM

The girl that I marry will have to be
A purple skinned beauty with 2 heads or 3
The girl I call my wife
Will have a nose with 8 nostrils you play like a fife
The girl I propose to
Will have 7 toes too
Like me.


I have often walked down the street before
But there once was......

I can't remember.

Actually, they did several shows over the years - I'm sure they did West Side Story but I can't remember any of the song parodies from that one.

I was a Mad fan once but that was about 40 years ago now!
But I did buy a couple for my daughter when she was school age.
Robyn

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Paul Burke
Date: 01 Sep 08 - 03:17 AM

The "daffodils" parody ran:

I wandered lonely as a clod,
Just picking up old rags and bottles;
When onward on my way I trod,
I saw a host of axolotls.
Beside the lake, beneath the trees
A sight to make a man's blood freeze.
Some had handles, some were plain;
They came in blue, red, pink and green.
Some were orange in the main--
The damnedest sight I've ever seen.
The females gave a spritely glance,
The male ones all wore knee-length pants.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: MartinRyan
Date: 01 Sep 08 - 03:38 AM

Paul

Thanks for that! True poetry never dies!

Regards
p.s. Sounds like the early days of the Morris dance revival...

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: katlaughing
Date: 01 Sep 08 - 03:45 AM

I have a lot of them in some bin in storage. I bought them religiously until Bill Gaines died and it went to crap. When I find them next, I'll have a look.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Mr Happy
Date: 01 Sep 08 - 03:46 AM

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mad_(magazine)

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 01 Sep 08 - 08:52 AM

"My" era was late '50s - early '60s and I memorized (not exactly intentionally) a lot of Mad doggeral. Wish I could find copies of the originals to see if my memory is any good! (Especially of "The Spaniel", the Mad parody of Edgar Allen Poe's "The Raven".)

I think that I should never hear
A poem as lovely as a beer.
The brew that Joe's Bar has on tap
With golden base and flowing cap.
The stuff I sit and drink all day
Until my memory melts away.
Poems are made by fools, I fear,
But only Schlitz can make a beer.

or

Tigers, Tigers, fighting bright
In the ball parks of the night
Your pitching's fair, your field adroit,
So why no pennants for Detroit?

You blaze around the big league parks
With bats that fairly give off sparks,
But when they total up the score
You've lost again to Baltimore.

The Cleveland Indians go to work.
They beat you good, so does New York.
When Boston adds a mortal blow,
All you can shout's "Look out below!"

Tigers, Tigers, fighting bright
In the ball parks of the night.
Someday the fans will get their fill
And ship the team to Louisville.


Really wish I could find the words to "The Spaniel" ...

Linn

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: MartinRyan
Date: 01 Sep 08 - 09:04 AM

This being the Mudcat - we have it already!

Click here!

Regards p.s. Well... a good start anyway!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Nicholas Waller
Date: 01 Sep 08 - 11:08 AM

You can get 50+ years of MAD Magazine from 1952-2006 on 2 DVDs... 600 issues, 17,500 pages. I've just ordered it, not got it yet, so not sure what it's like in terms of quality.

I don't think I've read MAD in decades, but I've fond memories of the late-60s era and can recall several artists - Don Martin, Al Jaffee, Dave Berg, Mort Drucker (the film parodies), Sergio Aragones (the marginal drawn-out dramas) - off the top of my head, which I can't say about many other comic artists (except Frank Bellamy of TV21/Thunderbirds/Zero-X fame. And Her"Tintin"Ge, of course).

When I mentioned MAD-DVD to my brother, he asked how you would get the inside-back-cover foldins to work. I didn't know, but I just found the New York Times, of all places, has a few interactive MAD foldins on their site.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: MartinRyan
Date: 01 Sep 08 - 11:29 AM

It was the schooner Hesperus that sailed the wintry sea
And the skipper had taken his little 'hem-hem' to keep him company.


Was that another from the same stable?

Regards

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Micca
Date: 01 Sep 08 - 11:40 AM

Friends,Romans, hipsters
let me clue you in
we come to put Caeser down
not to groove him

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Fred Maslan
Date: 01 Sep 08 - 01:50 PM

More! Ah ha ha More! Ah ha ha ha ha More! Ah ha ha ha ha ha......;

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Little Robyn
Date: 01 Sep 08 - 03:43 PM

Good link Mr Happy:

In 1961, a group of music publishers representing songwriters such as Irving Berlin, Richard Rodgers and Cole Porter filed a $25 million lawsuit against Mad for copyright infringement following "Sing Along With Mad," a collection of parody lyrics "sung to the tune of" many popular songs. The publishing group hoped to establish a legal precedent that only a song's composers retained the right to parody that song. The U.S. District Court ruled largely in favor of Mad in 1963, affirming its right to print 23 of the 25 song parodies under dispute. An exception was found in the cases of two parodies, "Always" (sung to the tune of "Always") and "There's No Business Like No Business" (sung to the tune of "There's No Business Like Show Business"). Relying on the same verbal hooks ("always" and "business"), these were found to be overly similar to the originals. The music publishers appealed the ruling, but the U.S. Court of Appeals not only upheld the pro-Mad decision in regard to the 23 songs, it stripped the publishers of their limited victory regarding the remaining two songs. The publishers again appealed, but the Supreme Court refused to hear it, thus allowing the decision to stand.[13][21]

This precedent-setting case established the rights of parodists and satirists to mimic the meter of popular songs. However, the "Sing Along With Mad" songbook was not the magazine's first venture into musical parody. In 1960, Mad had published "My Fair Ad-Man," a full advertising-based spoof of the hit Broadway musical "My Fair Lady." In 1959, "If Gilbert & Sullivan wrote Dick Tracy" was one of the speculative pairings in "If Famous Authors Wrote the Comics".


Very interesting! Those are the ones I remember.
And this bit could have been a problem for many of us:

"The publishing group hoped to establish a legal precedent that only a song's composers retained the right to parody that song."

Robyn

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Severn
Date: 01 Sep 08 - 03:45 PM

The whole "East Side Story" musical spoof anf the fight songs for different occupations.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Charley Noble
Date: 01 Sep 08 - 04:11 PM

What about the potrzebie and the eggplant?

"Potrzebie" is alleged to be Polish for "I had one grunch but the eggplant over there."

Gives one a lot to think about.

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: katlaughing
Date: 01 Sep 08 - 04:22 PM

Guest, Nicholas, thanks for the info and links!!

I raised my kids on MAD, again, until Gaines died. My copies are all tattered and worn as each child grew old enough to read them.:-)

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Bainbo
Date: 01 Sep 08 - 04:35 PM

Micca - I thought at first yours was from Lord Buckley; but of course, it's not. His version of Mark Anthony went: "Hipsters, flipsters and finger-poppin' daddies. Knock me your lobes."

I remember one of the Mad Magazine parodies had Napoleon singing, to the tune of We'll Have Manhattan: "I'll conquer Russia / Then all of Prussia / I will win. / Then I'll go marching in / Berlin."

But, for some reason, the one that's stuck in my mind in its entirety is a Christmas parody, to the tune of Deck The Halls:
Deck the bars with Christmas drinking
Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la
See the people getting stinking
Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la
Though their brains are half corroded,
Fa-la-la la-la la-la-la-la

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Bainbo
Date: 01 Sep 08 - 04:48 PM

Second half of my post disappeared. Don't know why.

Deck the bars with Christmas drinking
Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la
See the people getting stinking
Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la
Though their brains are half corroded,
Fa-la-la la-la-la la-la-la
Still they try to drive home loaded
Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la.

See the busy intersection
Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la
Here come cars from each from each direction
Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la
See the pile-up as they're meeting
Fa-la-la la-la-la la-la-la
What a novel Christmas greeting
Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la

Do you know, that must have been rattling around in my head for 35 years and - apart from humming it to myself - I've never had any cause to use it, until now. This will probably prove quite cathartic. Thanks, Fred.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Charley Noble
Date: 01 Sep 08 - 08:41 PM

Bainbo-

Thanks for the extra verses to "Deck the Hall with Boston Charlie."

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: clueless don
Date: 02 Sep 08 - 10:11 AM

One that I remember:

When you eat meat
and hate the meat that you're eating
you have surely got...
Ground Round!
It's so unnerving
when they're constantly serving
in an eating spot...
Ground Round!
It may be called
a chopped steak, Salisbury,
or beef patty.
No matter what it's called
it's always overcooked and fatty.
What can you do?
Call out to your waiter there,
beat down on your table
stand up on your chair
and say
Ground Round!
piled on my plate I see
Ground Round!
you're always conning me!
Ground Round!
Why does it have to be
Ground Round...
Ground Round...
Ground Round...[fade out]

Don

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Roger in Baltimore
Date: 02 Sep 08 - 01:41 PM

To the tune "Anchor Aweigh"

Trash cans away my boys,
Trash cans away.
Let's hear you make some noise,
We'll wake them up today.

Egg shells and coffe grounds,
Grease from the pan,
Don't make ear-splitting sounds,
So dump that garbage, dump that garbage can.

Bi RiB

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,A E Neuman
Date: 02 Sep 08 - 02:03 PM

"Casey, Casey, we'll lead the gang all through:
Drive half-crazy, right down the avenue,
We'll do a ton up the M1.
Old ladies we will knock down,
And we'll not stop for any cop,
On our motorbike built for two"

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 02 Sep 08 - 09:00 PM

MartinRyan --

Did you notice who posted "The Spaniel"?

Moi -- Bat Goddess. From memory. Wish I could find a copy to compare the memory to!!!

Linn

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 02 Sep 08 - 09:19 PM

How about Mad's hipster version of the Gettysburg Address? --

Four score and like seven years ago
Our old daddies came on this scene
With a new group, grooved in free kicks
And hip to the jazz that all cats make it the same.
...
We're here on a wild spot of that hassle
And we've got eyes to tag a bit as a lay down pad
For those who here conked out that our group might still score.
It's frantically cool and jivey that we're on this kick
But in a bigger ribble we can't clue in, we can't sound off...

Alas, memory fails.

Linn

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Gerry
Date: 03 Sep 08 - 12:37 AM

At http://jeffersonbedford.blogspot.com/ it says,

4 score and like 7 years ago
our old daddies came on this scene with a new group
grooved in free kicks, and hip to the jazz that all cats make it the same.
Now we're real hung up in a crazy big hassle,
digging whether that group, or any group so grooved and so hip, can keep on swinging.
We're making it on a wild spot of that hassle.
We've got eyes to tag a little of that spot as a last lay-down pad
for those who here conked out, so that group might still score.
It's frantically cool and jivey that we're on this kick.
But in a bigger ribble. we can't shake up, we can't sound off,
we can't even clue in this jazz.
The cool cats. with us and down yonder, who flipped here,
have pegged it straighter tha we could ever mess with.
The squares will never buy this bit, nor dig the lyrics we spiel here;
but they can't ever put down what those studs did here.
It's for us, the on-cats, who ought to pick up on those still-wailing blues
which the off-cats who goofed here have blown so crazily up to now.
MAN!!
Like we really ought to be here with eyes fixed on this wild gig
that still needs action,
that from those far-out D.O.A. is we get a little higher on that
kick for which they really went and flipped their gaskets;
that we take it on to set straight - that these cats shall not have
kicked off squares;
that this group under God, shall blow a crazy new sound,
and that a hot combo - of the hipsters, by the hipsters and for the hipsters,
shall not cut from this scene.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Fred Maslan
Date: 03 Sep 08 - 10:07 AM

You had to be familiar with Shakespear in order to get it!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: EBarnacle
Date: 03 Sep 08 - 11:13 AM

One of my most frequent citations is from MAD's take off on Chuck Connors' "The Rifle, man."

As they are wandering through the West, with Chuck blowing people away on sight, his son asks: "Daddy, you say you're a peace loving man; so how come you keep killing them?" The reply: "There ain't nothin' so peaceful as a dead man, son."

Sadly, it is still relevant today.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Kevin Sheils
Date: 03 Sep 08 - 11:42 AM

Little Robyn wrote

I have often walked down the street before
But there once was......

I can't remember.

Ah that was the "My Fair Advertising Executive" one

The only verse I can recall is

"People stop and stare
At the colored (sic) signs
Telling them to buy their cheese from Kraft
And beans from Heinz"

The rest has gone with a few brain cells.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Cool Beans
Date: 03 Sep 08 - 02:10 PM

In Levittown did Irving Kahn
A stately pleasure dome decree
Where Alf the sacred Neuman dwelt....

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 03 Sep 08 - 06:44 PM

Thank you, Guest Gerry!!!

Now if someone can find "The Spaniel"...

Linn

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Piers Plowman
Date: 04 Sep 08 - 02:24 AM

The only bit of MAD comic verse I remember is this one:

Ringo, Paul, George and John
Played a trick and put us on:
They said Paul was dead as nails
And rocketed the record sales!

I subscribed to MAD for a few years during puberty and finally cancelled when I'd gotten sick of it. I saw William Gaines on a Saturday morning children's TV show and I vaguely remember the interview. There was a question about doing something different and he responded by saying something about having a recipe (or something) and sticking to it. I felt rather let down and disappointed, however, it was obviously true. Very shortly afterwards I cancelled my subscription. Mostly, MAD's style of humor irritates me now, whereby I mean my memories of it, since I don't think I've looked inside one since the mid-1970s. However, I can appreciate the talent and skill that went into it.

I have mixed feelings about William Gaines. According to what I've read, his very gruesome horror comics were a major factor in the introduction of the Comic Book Code (or whatever it was called) and he avoided the consequences by publishing MAD as a magazine rather than a comic book (except for the very first issue or so). I don't think it's a black and white issue. The Comic Book Code resulted in rather bland comics but I wouldn't give some of what had been being published to children to read.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 Sep 08 - 09:57 AM

From around 1965, to the tune of "White Christmas"

I'm screaming at a white sheepdog;
One who is sitting in my chair.
It's a thing I'm dreading,
The way he's shedding,
And covering everything with hair.
I'm screaming at a white sheepdog
And should he visit you some night,
May his bark be worse than his blight,
And may all your furniture be white.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: EBarnacle
Date: 04 Sep 08 - 12:48 PM

Mad originated as Mad Comics, published by EC [Educational Comics], which was, as mentioned above, one of the causes of the Code.

When I was 8, I ws sent to sleepaway camp. I once had a collection of Mad Comics and early Mad Magazines. When I got back, we had moved and all "that trash" had been discarded. Some things you don't forget.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,robpape
Date: 04 Sep 08 - 01:30 PM

One I recall was

I remember I remember the house where I was born....
My 11 brothers hated me...
My sisters felt the same ..
Mum never called me at breakfast...
She couldn't remember my name !!

Also any one recall My Blue Shelter ???

Just a hole in the floor
A six inch thick lead door ...
Will lead you to my Blue Shelter
Do you know the rest ???

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Barbara
Date: 04 Sep 08 - 10:33 PM

There's a huge mushroom cloud looming upwards (2X)
It may seem to appear that an A Bomb dropped here,
But it's only our barbecue out in the rear...

Oh what a beautiful beefsteak,
Oh, what a sweet tenderloin
Too bad that pop had to cook out
Black to a crisp it will burn (boin).

that's all I remember. Oh What a Beautiful Morning.
Blessings,
Barbara

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Neville Orange
Date: 01 Oct 08 - 07:59 PM

I have often walked down this street before
but the pavement always stayed beneath my feet before
now as I walk by I see rubble fly
boy it's rough on the street where you live.

People stop and stare, they don't bother me
I've got lead underwear, I'm safe as I can be
All the air is filled with radioactivity
and it's worse on the street where you live.

And oh the frightening feeling
as the glow spreads over the land
that exposed to lightening feeling
as the Geiger counter clicks to beat the band.

There are no more trees they've been all knocked down
and you'll never hear a bird in any part of town
see the plane draw near, let's get out of here
Yucca Flats is no street where to live.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Cool Beans
Date: 01 Oct 08 - 08:41 PM

Just Molly and me,
Let's see, that makes three...

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: JJ
Date: 02 Oct 08 - 10:52 AM

A hundred and one
Slugs of fun
That's my little tommy-gun!
Gonna use my tommy-gun tonight...

From "South Chicago," a parody of "South Pacific"

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: davyr
Date: 02 Oct 08 - 11:40 AM

Little Robyn said:
Actually, they did several shows over the years - I'm sure they did West Side Story but I can't remember any of the song parodies from that one.

Although I can still visualise that parody quite clearly (Kruschev and Kennedy were the two rival gang leaders), the only line I can recall is "Brush teeth with Crest in Amer-ica!"

The other "Girl that I marry" line I remember went:

"The girl that I marry will have to be
A real Transylvanian monstrosity!"

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: clueless don
Date: 02 Oct 08 - 01:26 PM

davyr, wasn't that "The thing that I bury..."? or possibly "The ghoul that I bury..."? I think the parody was called "Manny get your ghoul".

Memories have faded as regards the West Side Story parody - possibly it was called "East Side Story" (is the U. N. building located on New York's East Side?) I remember a song sung by Mao Tse Tung (I think that's how his name was transliterated back then), which included the lines "Please be sweet to us, and give a seat to us. [????] and such joy you'll get, like we gave Tibet" and later there was a verse that ended "like our troops are in North Vietnam". Another section was "That's right! You bet! We will preserve law and order, like when we crossed India's border." All to the tune of "There's a Place for Us".

Don

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Oldguit
Date: 02 Oct 08 - 01:56 PM

When I were a lad, an older friend of mine gave me one of those flimsy free giveaway 45's from MAD MAG. it was a parody of Christmas speeches from around the world. I wish I still had it. The bits I remember are:

Jesus himself was a radical and a socialist (in a harold Wilson voice)

Here in the Commonwealth or the common poverty as we sometimes call it. (in an indian accent)

Refs to Santa thrusting himself up the soothy pathage (in a rather lithpy accent)

Here we are swealtering around the traditional yule tide fire (in an Australian accent)

That's my lot. If anyone has any more of it, I'd love to know.

Oldguit Arr

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: davyr
Date: 03 Oct 08 - 04:52 AM

Don, yes, I think you're right - it was "The ghoul that I bury".

And it definitely was "East Side Story".

Blimey, it's getting tough remembering stuff from the early 60s with any degree of accuracy. Perhaps I really was there after all...

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: clueless don
Date: 03 Oct 08 - 08:22 AM

Oldguit, I also remember those giveaway 45's! As I recall, I had one with a song called "She got a nose job". It started

She got a nose job
She got a nose job
it's now turned up
instead of hanging down
She got a nose job
She got a nose job
and now she's the prettiest gal in town!

But I'm off-topic, since that wasn't a parody.

Don

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: mrmoe
Date: 03 Oct 08 - 08:26 AM

I looked both long and hard for a copy of "she got a nose job"; finally found a copy of the "mad twists rock & roll" lp that had it.....I actually have a digitized (cd) of that lp now...

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 03 Oct 08 - 08:24 PM

I remember "She Got A Nose Job" -- and it still pops into my consciousness when I least expect it (as does a lot of early '60s Mad satire).

Anyone come up with the Edgar Allan Poe (or Edgar, Al, and Moe) parody of "The Raven" redone as "The Spaniel"?

"Once upon a midnight cautious, while I pondered weak and nauseous
Over many an advertising copy I had wrote for Macy's store.
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping
As of someone loudly rapping, rapping at my office door.
'Tis some client there," I muttered. Only this and nothing more."

Etcet

Remember a fair amount, but not the whole thing.

Linn

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Cool Beans
Date: 03 Oct 08 - 10:32 PM

Quoth the spaniel, "Drink Blatz Beer."
(That's all I've got)

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 04 Oct 08 - 08:28 AM

Here's what I've got -- incomplete, of course. I've posted it on a previous Mad doggeral thread. Really would like to find the complete poem somewhere.

Linn


The Spaniel

Once upon a midnight cautious while I pondered weak and nauseous
Over many an advertising copy that I wrote [sic] for Macy's store.
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping
As of someone loudly rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
"Tis some client there," I muttered. Only this and nothing more.

Then I felt my terror worsen, for my guest was not a person.
In there stepped a cocker spaniel, naturally I jumped in fear.
Tried to climb an oaken panel, ripping there my new grey flannel
But the spaniel only stood there, speaking out with voice so clear
Speaking out like Jack Lescoulie in a voice both loud and clear.
Quoth the spaniel, "Drink Blatz beer."

How I marvelled this ungainly dog that did commercials plainly
Thoughts of fortunes I could make now make me shake down to my knees.
But the spaniel set me grieving then by turning tail and leaving
Chasing him along the hallway, crying out, "Stay with me me please!"
Chasing him along the hallway, crying out, "Stay with me please!"
Quoth the spaniel, "Eat Kraft Cheese."

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Jeff
Date: 05 Oct 08 - 02:43 AM

There're only a few I can recall: One was sung to the tune of 'Deck The Halls...it was about Halloween pranks.

Wreck the walls and fences golly
Fa la la la la la la la la
Isn't trick or treating jolly?
fa la la la la la la la la
Ring that doorbell, slash that tire
Fa la la la la la la la la
Trip that old man witha wire
Fa la la la la la la la la...

Fouth of July: Hark! The Herald Angels Sing

Boom! the cherry bombs explode
blowing potholes in the rode
One went off by Irving's Mama
Now Irving's mama's in a coma...

April 15th(Income tax day)It Came Upon A Midnight Clear

They come on April 15th dear
to take away our gold...

That's all I can remember. The magazines belonged to my older brother and if he caught me w/one of them I'd get a sound thrashing...that is until I reached puberty and things began to even out a bit...

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Volgadon
Date: 05 Oct 08 - 02:51 AM

Does anyone remember the Fiddler on the Roof parody?

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: clueless don
Date: 07 Oct 08 - 08:32 AM

GUEST,Jeff, I don't remember all of "April 15th(Income tax day)It Came Upon A Midnight Clear", but I believe it ends with

Oh Income Tax
you break our backs
the government takes all!
A thief of any other kind
would never have such gall.

Don

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,bioray1
Date: 15 Oct 08 - 04:17 PM

I have been trying to get "The Spaniel" for several years. All I can remember is Quoth the spaniel, "Buy a Ford". I contend that it was the best parody of all time!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 15 Oct 08 - 09:58 PM

Remember the little comments printed sideways in the margins of the Mad Paperbacks?

Deutschland Uber Alles Alice got run over by a volkswagon

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Oct 08 - 10:57 PM

Wreck the walls and fences golly
Fa la la la la la la la la
Isn't trick or treating jolly?
fa la la la la la la la la
Ring that doorbell, slash that tire
Fa la la la la la la la la
Trip that old man with a wire
Fa la la la la la la la la.

Dressed in sheets and odd apparel,
Fa...
Can't tell John from Max or Carol.
Fa...
Which is good, 'cause no one else can
Fa...
Just like grown-ups play Ku Klux Klan.
Fa...

I'll remember the New Year's Eve Carol in few minutes..days...weeks.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Oct 08 - 11:07 PM

My father he was a moonshine man
A regular sort of feller
He kept Ma plastered for forty years
With the still he ran in the cellar.

I remember the folks who sampled his stuff
The glassy looks on their faces
One day our spaniel inhaled the fumes
And dropped dead at twenty paces.

Us boys we got in the moonshine game
And gave the business new birth.
The oldest is now at Alcatraz,
The youngest at Leavenworth.

But they never caught my father though
And they no longer raid his place:
The revenooers now buy his stuff
For use at a missile base.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 15 Oct 08 - 11:13 PM

Anyone remember the Mad Christmas carol parodies? There was one about watching out for holiday drunks called Sodden Clods are Coming to Town. I have no idea what the words were.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Oct 08 - 11:15 PM

A New Year's Eve Carol

Well you'd better watch out
You'd better not try
Traveling about, I'm telling you why:
Sodden clods are painting
The town.

They're wrecking the bars,
They're starting street fights,
They're having one of their naughtiest nights
Sodden clods are painting
The town.

Blithe New Year's drivers pickled
In alcoholic brine
Will gaily bounce off walls and trees
To strains of "Auld Lang Syne."

So you'd better stay home
And drink your own rye,
You're crazy to roam
It's obvious why:
Sodden clods are painting
The town.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Oct 08 - 11:16 PM

Hey! Two minutes! Now that's fast answering, dude!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 16 Oct 08 - 09:06 AM

Thanks, Rapaire! I've had bits of the moonshiner one bouncing off the interior of my brain for years -- didn't have enough of it to even collate a question about it.

Linn

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 17 Oct 08 - 04:46 PM

Another bit, don't know what the source (other than Mad circa 1960-64) --

In the drink he should have went
Neatly cased in wet cement.

and

The gang he squealed on had the urge
To sing and strum his funeral dirge.

Linn

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,TJ in San Diego
Date: 17 Oct 08 - 05:00 PM

On the outside of my office, on the common bulletin board and beautifully framed, resides a portrait of the ineffable Alfred E. Neumann in all his manifest glory. Under his picture, in the spirit of current events, is the usual slogan: "What? Me Worry?"

Having grown up with the rascal, I should have memorialized this singular symbol in song, but never did. Thanks to those who had the foresight to recognize this "gentleman's?" contributions to our culture.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Oct 08 - 05:03 PM

Here's to you, little man,
Barefoot boy with cheeks of tan
The gang you squealed on has the urge
To sing and strum your funeral dirge.
In the drink you should have went
Neatly cased in wet cement.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 17 Oct 08 - 11:33 PM

Rapaire, I'm in awe. If that mind could only have been harnessed for the good of mankind!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Oct 08 - 07:57 AM

Yeah, well, you oughta life with it.

Now, where's my keys...er, glasses...er, pants....

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Oct 08 - 08:00 AM

Sorry, I just remembered two lines to the previous poem. They belong just before the last two line I typed -- in the middle, so to speak:

Here's to you, little man,
Barefoot boy with cheeks of tan
The gang you squealed on has the urge
To sing and strum your funeral dirge.

Delinquency can be a blight
When clods like you don't do it right.
In the drink you should have went
Neatly cased in wet cement.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Oct 08 - 08:54 AM

There was one they did which was a musical with a whole bunch of popular newspaper and comic characters in it, all of whom got to do a song.

Tarzan's was "The Girl That I Marry" and it went like this...

The girl that I marry will have to be
As light on her feet as a chimpanzee
The girl with whom I'll romp
Will swing through the jungle and smell like a swamp
A bone of white ivory will grace her nose
She'll spring like a panther when I propose
'Stead of sighin', she'll be cryin'
With the roar of a half-crazy lion
Athletic and hairy the girl that I marry must be

******

Dagwood Bumstead's was "Old Man Dithers"

Oh, Old Man Dithers
That Old Man Dithers
He just keeps screamin'
He keeps on steamin'
Yeah, Old Man Dithers
He just keeps screamin' all day...

I get no Blue Cross
No paid up pension
A raise I'm needin'
But don't dare mention
Cos Old Man Dithers
He'd only lower my pay!

Look at me...
It's just a crime...
No vacation...
Or overtime...
Nine till five...
Like a slob...
Be a minute late and I'd lose my job...

I feel I'm fadin'
It's gettin' hazy
Goodbye to Blondie!
Goodbye to Daisy!
And Old Man Dithers can keep on screamin' all day....


Dagwood tragically sings the above song and then expires, having been accidentally shot a minute earlier by Dick Tracy who is in pursuit of criminals at the time and shoots Dagwood because...why? Because Dick Tracy has incredibly lousy aim! He NEVER succeeds in hitting the person he's aiming at, but always shoots some innocent bystander instead. Oh, the shame of it!

Looking down at Dagwood's pathetic dead body, Tracy begins to weep. Whoever is with him (Tarzan, I think...) asks Tracy if he is weeping in remorse for having killed Dagwood. Tracy says, "No, I just got some smoke in my eyes." And then he sings this song:

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes

They...ask me why I sob
Killing some poor slob....
I, of course, reply,
"When the bullets fly, something makes me cry."
True...I am just a heel...sorrow I don't feel....
Shooting the wrong guy
Didn't make me cry
Smoke got in my eyes

And that's all I remember. Danged if I can recall what the point of the overall story was...but it had some really cool songs in it.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,bobbie
Date: 26 Oct 08 - 10:05 PM

what year and month was south chicago

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Oct 08 - 10:35 PM

Hey that's from April of 63. I just got the Mad issues dvd what fun. I think it's fun and then remember that the contexts are time specific and wonder if all of it would translate to those who don't remember these days. What a way to review History.

---

Please note that anonymous posting is no longer allowed at Mudcat. Use a consistent name [in the 'from' box] when you post, or your messages risk being deleted.
Thanks.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Cluin
Date: 26 Oct 08 - 10:57 PM

To the tune of America the Beautiful:

Oh cancerous, for smoggy skies, for pesticidal grain
Irritated mountains rise above an asphalt plain
America, America, thy sins shall be thy doom
Monoxide clouds shall be thy shrouds, thy cities be thy tomb


Still, Fester Bestertester is alive and well and living in Peru.

Or was it Argentina?

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Tom
Date: 31 Oct 08 - 11:56 PM

The one I remember is "I've Got To Stop Smoking" sung to the tune of "On Top Of Old Smoky"


I've got to stop smoking
My doctor has said
Or else when I'm seven
I'm sure to be dead

Cigarettes can cause cancer
But that makes no sense
I've got to stop stealing
My dear daddy's Kents

Now here in the sixties
When going with chicks
Cigarettes can give status
To a boy who is six

But I must live clean now
At six life is ripe
Cigarettes I will give up
And switch to a pipe

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,YAFI
Date: 08 Nov 08 - 09:43 PM

Service song parodies:

The GM workers song, (Marines)

From the gaudy grill of Cadillac
To the fins of Chevrolet.
We will push GMs new models
And ,make obselence pay

So the heck with Ford and Crysler boys
And to sports cars from afar
We won't stop till every family
Owns a brand new GM car

--------------------------------------
The Dentists Anthem (Air Force)


Off we go into that wild mouth yonder
Looking for molars to fill
There's a tooth waiting to feel our thunder
At em boys give it the drill rat-a-tat-tat

We dislike cavities left untreated
Teeth look bad, full of decay
So when were in doubt we just pull em out
O nothing can stip a dentist to day

-----------------------------------------
Teamsters (Army)


On the street,
On the road,
We won't carry a full load
As the teamsters go rolling along

Make em pass
On the right
Keep your union card in sight
As the teamsters go rolling along

And its hi hi hey, when we want a raise in pay
We shout out our grevience loud an strong
And where ere you go, you will alway know
That the teamsters stopped rolling along

---------------------------------------

Trash Cans Away (Navy) has already been posted, I don't remember the Coast Guard parody

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Geordie-Peorgie
Date: 09 Nov 08 - 06:20 PM

Aah remember one where they wrote a 'hospital story' to the tunes of 'Oklahoma'

The tune is 'Oh what a beautiful morning'

There's a big yellow cist on his elbow
There's a big yellow cist on his elbow
da da da da da etc etc

Chorus (after the patient snuffs it)
Oh what a bad operation
Watch how the law suits roll in (or something like that

I loved MAD magazine (and still do in small doses) but I think I just got tired after about eight years

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Pardette80
Date: 14 Nov 08 - 03:58 PM

Anyone remember the show-tunes parodies? I remember one to the tune of "There's No Business Like Show Business," but all I can think of is the first line. Can anyone help?

"There's no stories like Poe stories, like no stories I know..."

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Peter
Date: 12 Dec 08 - 07:37 PM

I'm looking for "Junky Wheels," which is sung to the tune of "Jingle Bells." Starts off with the intro:

"Cruzin down the street,
In an over priced new car,
Feeling kind of neat,
It's doing great so far.

Then the engin starts to knock,
The paint is really rust,"

I don't remember the rest.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Peter
Date: 12 Dec 08 - 07:46 PM

OK. Here are two I remember (I think). (I think all three came from the same issue.)

Wrinkle Wrinkle Movie Star (Twinkle Twinkle Little Star):

Wrinkle wrinkle movie star,
Fans don't see you who you are,
On the screen you look so great,
Making male hearts pitter-pate,
But you're really sixty-one,
Wearing make-up by the ton.


Rock N Roll Baby (Rock-a-by Baby):

Rock-n-roll baby,
On the dance floor.

Listen for hours,
And still want some-more.

When the band breaks,
Before they all drop,
Just turn on your radio,
So you won't have to stop.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Haruo
Date: 13 Dec 08 - 04:18 AM

Somehow a parody of Mad Magazine seems just a bit like overkill.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Underdog
Date: 15 Dec 08 - 12:34 AM

There was one I had memorized back in the 60s, but I can only remember the first line. Anybody remember it?



I remember, I remember, the house where I was born.
The little bathroom down the hall where nineteen raced each morn.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,hrobair
Date: 27 Jan 09 - 08:39 PM

Pox upon thee little man
barefoot fink with cheek of tan

The gang you squealed on
has the urge
to sing and strum your funeral dirge

In the drink you should have went
neatly cased in wet cement.

Delinquancy can be a blight
when (finks?) like you don't do it right.

To look at you I hate to think
that I was once a barefoot fink.

I think that's it.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Roger in Baltimore
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 11:54 AM

Bat Goddess,

Found this on the internet. It purports to be the complete version.

Once upon a midnight cautious, while I pondered weak and nauseous,
Over some advertising copy I had wrote for Macy's Store,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a yapping,
As of someone loudly yapping, yapping at my office door.
"'Tis some client there," I muttered, "yapping at my office door -
Only this and nothing more."

Then I felt my terror worsen, for my guest was not a person!
In there stepped a cocker spaniel; naturally I jumped in fear.
Tried to climb an oaken panel, ripping there my new grey flannel;
But the spaniel merely stood there, speaking out with voice so clear -
Speaking out like Jack Lescoulie, in a voice both loud and clear -
Quoth the spaniel- _"Drink Blatz Beer!"_

How I marveled this ungainly dog who did commercials plainly;
How he spoke the message clearly; selling points he underscored.
For I could not help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet could mouth a slogan without sounding slightly bored -
Quoth the spaniel: _"Buy a Ford!"_

Thus this dog with voice like Murrow made my heavy brow unfurrow;
Thoughts of fortunes I could make now made me shake down to my knees.
But the spaniel set me grieving then by turning tail and leaving.
Naturally, I begged him tarry, crying out, "Stay with me, please!"
Quoth the spaniel, _"Eat Kraft Cheese!"_


Roger in Baltimore

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Peace
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 11:57 AM

Picture me upon your knee,
With tea for two and two for tea,
Just me and you and you and me, alone.

Nobody near us to see or to hear us,
No friends or relations or weekend vacations
Will have to know we have a telephone, dear.

Day will break, you'll awake,
Start to bake a little sugar cake,
For me to take to all the boys to see.

We will raise a family,
A boy for you and a girl for me,
Can't you see how happy we will be!

from a Google of the first line. Lots of 'em on the 'net.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,kiti
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 12:33 PM

"No friends or relations on weekend vacations
We won't let it known , dear, that we own a telephone....dear."

pop song from the '30's or 40's... Tea for Two

Mad reader in the 50's... Me worry? Nah.....

Subject: RE: Mad Mag parodies " Blue Cross / Blue Skies ??
From: GUEST,rightonjohn
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 01:37 AM

Might anyone have the words to " Blue Cross " , done to the song Blue Skies ? We just saw a special on our public channel and it was great.
It also went to court to the favor of Mad on making parodies .
Thanks for any help .

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 05:19 AM

Appropriate for this coming tax season - to the tune of "It Came Upon a Midnight Clear" circa approx 1963.

They come on April 15th dear
To take away our gold.

Tax men are never moved by tears
Nor tales that may be told.

Robin - What great history. This explains the wonderful freedom we American folks enjoy ... some of parodies have rivaled the originals in popular success.

Regarding comic books, Seduction of the Innocent was one of the books exposing the scandleous drawings in pulp media. Its 1954 publication helped bring about legislation. Parade of Pleasure was another book. There is place for trading the comics seductionoftheinnocent.org

We loved "It's a Gas" an early 1960's "paper vinyl magazine insert" with belching sounds.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Donuel
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 07:47 PM

My blue heaven
parodied in "My blue shelter" about a fallout shelter.

Mad sells a dvd of all thier past issues.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,StayatHomeDad
Date: 30 Jan 09 - 06:06 PM

BLUE CROSS
A bad experience with a medical coverage program.

Sung to the tune of: "Blue Skies"

Blue Cross
Had me agree
To a new Blue Cross
Policy!

Blue Cross
Said I would be
Happy that Blue Cross
Covered me!

Then I took a fall,
Leg in a splint;
They said that I
Should read the fine print!

When a very high
Fever I ran,
They told me I
Took out the wrong plan!

That's Blue Cross!
There seems to be
Plenty for Blue Cross!
None for me!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,David Z
Date: 27 Mar 09 - 07:50 PM

"Sing Along with Mad" had a group of songs as sung by historical figures or at historical events. The one I remember best is to be sugn by Leonardo da Vinci, to the tune of "There's No Business Like Show Business":

There's no genius
But no genius
Like my genius, you see

Go to Venice, Naples, Rome or Pisa
You will find nobody half as smart
People really dig my Mona Lisa
They think that she's a
Great work of art

There's no talent
Like my talent
The whole world will agree

I've designed machines in which a man can fly
I've charted planets up in the sky
I can even add, subtract and multiply
Oh gee!
I'm glad I'm me!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,guest
Date: 31 Mar 09 - 10:35 AM

underdog, i have some more lines (but not all):

I remember, I remember the house where I was born
The little bathroom down the hall where 19 raced each morn,
My 13 brothers hated me, my sisters felt the same
Mom never called my down to eat – she didn't know my name
I remember, I remember the walls so pale and white
Would turn a vivid bloody red when mom and dad would fight

--jb

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,guest eric
Date: 07 Apr 09 - 04:29 PM

the one i remember is sung to were off to see the wizard were off to see the guru. that glorius guru og ours. the things hes got is better than pot and full of fantastic powers. if you want to spin like a u.f.o. the guru of ours will make it so we know we know we know we know we know now off in to the wild blue younder we go and thats all i remember

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: DebC
Date: 07 Apr 09 - 09:31 PM

I still can't believe I remember this one:

Sung to the tune of "You're a Grand Ol' Flag"

She's a mean old bag
She's a nasty old bag
And forever she's filled us with hate
But we treat her sweet and kiss her feet
And tell her we think she's great
Let her curse at us
We will not raise a fuss
When she starts in to scream and nag
For we are all counting on what we'll get
From the will of that mean old bag

Debra Cowan

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,REETAH
Date: 18 Apr 09 - 07:09 PM

From an early food parody:

(To the tune of "Oh, What a Beatiful Morning")

There's a bright golden glaze on the eggroll
There's a bright golden glaze on the eggroll
The hot egg foo yung really pleases the tongue
The tea's in the pot and the waiter's named Chung

Oh what a glorious dinner
Oh what great moo goo gai pan
We're having twenty-eight courses
Thanks to the family plan

They give it to the Sound of Music:

Dough- means cash for all of us
'Ray- for musicals like this
Me- a star, so big that by
Far- it really couln't miss
So- insipid is the plot
La-did-da although we know
Te-di-ous it is a lot
It will bring us back much Dough, dough, dough, dough......

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Ding Dong
Date: 01 May 09 - 01:13 AM

Anyone remember the old school lunchroom song, (to the tune of
Off we go, into the wild blue yonder")

Off we go, into the lunchroom yonder,
pushing boys out of the way.
Forward girls! Start moving down the counter.
Grab your grub, fill up your tray
(clankety, clank, clank)

Try the beans, they were prepared last Friday,
and the meat's tough as a mule.
The soup is cold. The bread's got mold, Yeccch!
Anything beats the lunchroom at school.





And there was another in the same series, about
trying to call in sick to school:
(to the tune of "As the Cassons go marching along" or whatever
it's called)

(sorry, don't remember the beginning...

as the fake-out go coughing along

Start to heave, fake a chill...anything so you'll look ill
as the fake-outs go moping along.

For it's high, high hoo
Let's all fake the Asian flu
Call out your symptoms loud and strong (hack, hack)
For we'll feel enthused, when the teacher says "Excused"
When the fake-out go coughing along.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Nanci Meek
Date: 29 May 09 - 01:23 AM

http://www.geocities.com/imokproductions/groundround.html

Ground Round parody updated

When you eat meat but hate the meat that you've eaten then you've surely got Gound Round
It's so unnerving when they're constantly serving in an eating spot   Ground Round
   It may be called a chopped steak, salisbury or beef patty
    No matter what it's called it's always overcooked and fatty
                What can you do?
    Sound off at your table there and proudly pound on the table
                   Stand up on your chair and shout...

             Ground Round! Why did I have to eat
                Ground Round! Piled on my plate I see
                  Ground Round! Why did I have to eat
                        Ground Round....Ground Round.....
When you eat meat and puke the meat that you've eaten
    then you've surely got
       ECOLI!
   It's so unnerving when the burger they're serving is a little pink
       ECOLI!
    You'll break into a sweat with diarhea kidneys failing
       They'll rush you to emergency and then you'll start your wailing
          What can you do?
       Sound off on your gurney there and loudly pound on the doctor
          stand up on a chair and shout
       Ground Round!   Why did I have to eat
       Ground Round!   Ecoli in the meat
          Ground Round!   Why did I have to eat
             Ground Round!    Ground Round!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,james
Date: 02 Jun 09 - 11:38 PM

Here's how I remember one of "Oh What a Beautiful Morning."

There's a bright golden cyst on his elbow.
There's a bright golden cyst on his elbow.
His throat is as weak as an old dried-up creek
and I think that his kneecap is starting to leak.

And the rest is lost to me. I never memorized it any farther than that.

Long Live MAD

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: clueless don
Date: 03 Jun 09 - 08:20 AM

There was another parody of "Oh What a Beautiful Morning" in MAD's send-up of Oklahoma, titled 007 (Oh-Oh-Seven.) It set the James Bond world to the Oklahoma songs. I only really remember the last line of the chorus, which was something like "I have a jolly good feeling, I will kill someone today!" Or maybe it was "bloody good" instead of "jolly good".

Don

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: kendall
Date: 03 Jun 09 - 09:44 AM

MAD was my favorite magazine when I was a teenager.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Tug the Cox
Date: 03 Jun 09 - 10:26 AM

Alfred E. Neumann. 'What, me Worry?'

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Leadfingers
Date: 04 Jun 09 - 06:44 AM

As Haruo said earlier . A Parody of Mad Mag IS Scary !!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,saferg
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 12:34 PM

I am trying to find the lyrics to "There's a rumble on the next street" It's sung to the tune of "On the sunny side of the street"
I know most of the words but there's one line that escapes me.

It goes: Grab your brass knuckles and bat, wear your new black leather jacket
Your in for a treat
There's a rumble on the next street.

If anyone knows all of the lyrics, please post them. It's been driving me crazy for years.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,RealOldFred
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:01 AM

Once upon a midnight cautious while I pondered weak and nauseous
Over some advertising copy I had done for Woolworth's Store,
While I nodded nearly napping suddenly there came a yapping
As of someone loudling yapping, yapping at my office door.
"'Tis some client there," I muttered, "yapping at my office door.
Only this and nothing more."

Then I felt my terror worsen for my guest was not a person
In there stepped a cocker spaniel; naturally I jumped in fear,
Tried to climb an oaken panel, ripping there my new grey flannel,
But the Spaniel merely stood there speaking out with voice so clear,
Speaking out like Jack Lescoulie in voice both loud and clear:
Quoth the spaniel, "Drink Blatz Beer."

I marvelled that this dog ungainly spoke commercials very plainly,
How he spoke the message clearly, selling points he underscored,
For I could not help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet could mouth a slogan without sounding slightly bored.
Most announcers being human can't help sounding slightly bored.
Quoth the spaniel, "Buy a Ford."

Thus this dog with voice like Murrow, made my heavy brow unfurrow.
Thoughts of fortunes I could make now made me shake down to my knees.
But the spaniel set my grieving then by turning tail and leaving.
Naturally I begged him tarry crying out, "Stay with me, please!"
Chasing him right down the hallway crying out "Stay with me, please!"
Quoth the spaniel, "Eat Kraft Cheese."

Found in the 1961 School Magazine of the Maltese Royal Naval School, Tal-Handaq! Take a look!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Firebrand
Date: 19 Jul 09 - 08:09 PM

I remember some songs from the 60's. One was about the periodic table. (Do Ra Mi) Why do I remember these?!!!

O - the sign for oxygen
Ra - that's radium so rare
Ti - is tin for making cans
As - is arsenic so beware
F - for florine that we drink
N- for neon lights that glow
S for sulfur what a stink
Which brings us back to O

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: robomatic
Date: 19 Jul 09 - 08:18 PM

One of my favorite memories is when but a lad going through Soviet Customs with a Mad Magazine in an outside pocket of my shoulderbag. The picture was Alfred E Neumann done up in WWII bomber pilot duds- The issue had a take-off of "Catch 22". The powerful battle image got a lot of second takes from the Russians but I got through just fine.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine song parodies
From: GUEST,McMonty
Date: 22 Jul 09 - 04:55 PM

Those songs you remember can be found on the "Absolutely MAD" DVD available through Amazon. It is 50+ years of the magazine --every issue in PDF format. Issue #110 from the 1960's has "Songs Of Food." This has been so hard to locate and here, I guess, is why:

From Wikipedia: Legal issues

Mad Magazine provoked an early legal backlash against parody when in 1961 the magazine published a songbook in which various topical ditties such as "The Last Time I Saw Maris", "Albert Einstein," and "There's No Business Like No Business" were included (in poem format; with a parenthetical phrase after each title, stating "Sung to the tune of..."). Several music publishers joined in a suit taking the magazine to court. The matter was eventually decided by the U.S. Supreme Court, which declined to review the decision by a lower court dismissing the suit against Mad.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Summerdan
Date: 27 Jul 09 - 11:53 PM

West Side Story became East Side Story (Khrushchev):

Tonight Nikita made an error,
His wife's a holy terror,
A case of dynamite.

My favorites were "Carols For All Occasions". I still all the lyrics to three remember three. They began:

They Come on April Fifteenth, Dear

Deck the walls and fences; Golly,
Isn't trick or treating jolly?

I'm looking for that smart aleck
Who sends all the comic valentines.

I think there were more.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Corgihound
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 12:11 PM

I thought it was "I have one grunch but the eggplant over YONDER!"

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,(Dr.) John S. Sultzbaugh
Date: 29 Aug 09 - 02:41 AM

Of all the MAD Magazine song parodies I wish I had memorized (and I did soak up a few), one of the most perennially relevant is one I read briefly as a college freshman in 1968. Here's some quick background: I had been sentenced to an all-male Ivy-League wannabe thanks to its snob-appeal, although I hated the snobbery that abounded there. I had to convince my folks that I had a stake in my own future, and I spent three miserable semesters before peptic ulcers and Penn State rescued me. Now the grandest intimidator for keeping fellows there was the draft-fed war in Vietnam, which MAD addressed in a parody that shall apparently never become irrelevant. It was a take-off on one of the most beloved songs of the 1960's, "More," and was aptly labeled "War."
I can recall its second line, "War helps to keep the population down;" and its transition: "War brings the USO's/And war brings the John Wayne shows/Yes, war brings us much enjoyment/It cuts down on unemployment!" I believe this issue in question was published at nearly the same time that MAD also parodied the musical "Camelot" with "Can A Lot;" perhaps they were in the same issue. Can anyone find the entire lyrics for "War?" Thanks!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Taconicus
Date: 29 Aug 09 - 03:35 AM

Ah, I still sing them. The following are totally from memory.

From "If Consumer Products Had Their Own Theme Songs":

To the tune of "On the Street Where You Live"
(note: Raleigh cigarettes came with coupons you could save and exchange for prizes.)

We have never had a stuffed moose before.
For a stuffed moose we have never had a use before.
Now we've forty three; Raleigh sent them free.
We just love all the gifts that they give.

People stop and stare at our landing strip.
It took 50 million coupons to gain ownership.
Raleigh sent it free with a warranty.
We just love all the gifts that they give.

And oh, just look at our ceiling;
You can see a chimpanzee too.
We love the glorious feeling
That we're saving up to get him the Bronx Zoo.

Every day we smoke forty packs or so
And those coupons we are saving great stacks, you know.
When our son turns four, we'll save even more.
We just love all the gifts that they give!

The following are from "If Professions Had Their Own Theme Songs":

Dentists: [Someone already gave this one, above.]

Barbers (to the tune of George M. Cohen's "Over There"):

In his hair, in his hair,
Sprinkle goo, spill shampoo, in his hair.
Give that man a crew cut, or try a new cut.
But make sure you cut off his hair.

In your chair, in your chair,
Give your views, while he stews in your chair.
Keep on gabbin', complainin', crabbin',
'Cause he can't get up till you're finished with his hair!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,sinenomine
Date: 05 Sep 09 - 09:06 AM

I was looking for Mad's fight songs (GM fight song, dentists' fight song, teamsters' fight song, etc.) and found them here.

I'm pretty sure the last verse of the teamsters' fight song is wrong on this site. I think the last verse goes like this:

So its hi hi hey, when we want a raise in pay
We shout out our grievance loud and strong
And when ere we like, we just call a strike
And the country stops rolling along.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: gatyamgal
Date: 05 Sep 09 - 11:26 PM

Haven't been here for a long time. Glad I found this thread. I used to love to sing Mad Magazine parodies when I was a kid. They were almost all we had before weird al. One I really liked and it is still relavent today is a song I call the weatherman song. I can't remember if that is the original name or not. Here are the lyrics
Seventy six degrees is what we'll predict
with one hundred and ten degrees by the shore
To be followed by days and days
Of an air pollution haze. That is what we weathermen adore
We always play safe and say there's a chance of rain
Or we say partly cloudy partly clear
We use words like "maybe" "perhaps" and "possible"
Just in case, the weather changes here
We're predicting sunny weather on the coast of Spain
Who'll know if it is so here in the U. S.
In Pago Pago we can say there is a hurricane
Who has changed her name to Bess
Predicting weather is a rewarding job
Whether we're right or wrong we still know
Our jobs are quite safe and sound
While there's weather still around
Give three cheers for wind and sleet and snow.

There is a karaoke website where I sang the song. Check this out.
http://www.singsnap.com/snap/r/ae9d31ee

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: gatyamgal
Date: 05 Sep 09 - 11:32 PM

While I am on this thread. I am looking for the lyrics to the tune of the caissons go rolling along. It was a song about playing the card game bridge. I recall some of the lyrics as being something about taking a trick and seeing your partner getting sick. And about bid a heart play a spade, .... a play that can't be made. My parents were hard core bridge players. They would complain about people that didn't know how to play their cards right. If anyone recalls this parody, please share it.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,wandrews
Date: 12 Sep 09 - 06:19 PM

Don't number your juvenile poultry before the proper process of incubation has been materialized!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,bytaman
Date: 01 Oct 09 - 10:03 PM

Does anyone remember a parody of the Beatles "Do You Wanna Know A Secret? It was called, "Do You Wanna Eat A Bagel". I am only assuming it came from MAD magazine because a couple of older boys down the street where I grew up in Brooklyn were big MAD magazine fans and used to play "Do You Wanna Eat A Bagel" on their guitars. Thanks!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,MrChris
Date: 07 Oct 09 - 04:52 PM

just encountered this website. Haven't looked through all the previous posts, so this might be duplicative. But like other posters, it's amazing how many of the Mad parody songs I remember by heart. Here's one:

(to the tune of "I'm Looking over a Four-Leaf Clover" - about Christopher Columbus)

I had a notion to cross the ocean
That never'd been crossed before
I thought for certain that Asia I'd reach
Now something tells me I've hit the wrong beach.

No pearls are sold here, there ain't no gold here
Just rain and disease galore.
How did I do it? I really blew it!
When I hit the New World shore.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Jack o' Spades
Date: 12 Oct 09 - 11:34 AM

Glad to see I'm not the only retro-minded Mad Mag lover... I crack up on the days that I wake up with one of the old 70s or 80s parodies in my head.

The "Oh Susanna" parody that I mostly remember went something like this;

Well, I come from California
       with a bandaid on my knee
Cause I rumbled with Hell's Angels
       and they nearly crippled me

Well I tried to meet the leader's chick
       he didn't take it kind
The acid bath he gave me
       man, it left me nearly blind

Holy Hannah! He pushed me 'neath a train
      Now my skull is in some canyon
      And they're mailing me my brain!

There are so many to remember. Has the magazine ever put out a book of their old parodies?

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,anon
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 06:36 PM

Pox upon thee little fellow,
creep and fink with stripe of yellow.
The gang you squealed on has the urge
to strum and sing your funeral dirge.
Into the drink you should have went,
neatly cased in wet cement.
Delinquency can be a blight
when guys like you don't do it right.
Seeing you I hate to think
that I was once a lousy fink.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Guest, SF
Date: 11 Nov 09 - 08:48 PM

(Sung to the tune of Oh Little Town of Bethlehem)

Oh little town of Washington
How still we see thee sleep
Thy Senate's bare
no one is there
And Nixon's in Palm Beach

Though congressmen forsake thee
We know why they're not here
Thy filth and slime and slums and crime
Might mar their Christmas cheer

With shotguns and police dogs
we guard our homes and stores
Alive we'll stay
this Christmas day
If we don't go outdoors!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Homeless
Date: 11 Nov 09 - 11:08 PM

This song taught me the evils of plagerism. A dedicated reader of MAD in high school, one day I walked into English class and a friend asked if I done my homework. When I said we didn't have homework, he responded that we were supposed to have written a song parody. In a panic, I sat down and started scribbling the first two thirds of this, which I'd read earlier in the week, since not turning in anything was worse that copying.
After grading all our papers, the teacher was so impressed with my paper that she wanted me to read it aloud, in front of the whole class. You never saw a more paniced high school junior in your life. I was terrified that someone else read MAD and would announce my transgression. It was enough horror to last a lifetime - I haven't plagerized since. (and the song is burned into my memory, after 20+ years)


Mine eyes have seen the glory of an army that's co-ed
of a navy where the captain has to subdivide the head
of an air force where they issue flowered sheets for every bed
The times are changing now

Glory, glory basic training
never was more entertaining
there's more action, who's complaining?
The times are changing now.

They are wearing battle outfits that are full of fancy frills
they're a credit to the union and we call 'em G.I. Jills
if George Patton were alive today he'd take off for the hills
The times are changing now

Glory, glory foes they'll shake up
armed attacks they're sure to break up
then they'll freshen up their make up
The times are changing now

They are trained to shoot a rifle and they show no signs of fright
they're as strong as any man and never run from any fight
that's unless one gets a headache and she tells you, "not tonight"
The times are changing now

Glory, glory tell her mister
if she struggles when you've kissed her
no one likes a draft resister
the times are changing now.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,old fart
Date: 12 Nov 09 - 09:26 AM

the only thing I remember about the bridge parody is:
Bid a heart, bid a spade, bid a game that can't be made, as the bridge team goes rolling along.
And then later...
Shout out 3 No Trump load and strong!!!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Me
Date: 12 Nov 09 - 09:29 AM

One more...
This is to the tune of The Marine's Hymn. Think "From the Halls of Montezuma..."

From the slums of Baltic Avenue, to the Boardwalk and Park Place.
We will buy up all the properties, build hotels in every space.
...don't remember... and then finishes with:
But we can not even start the game until somebody finds the dice!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 18 Nov 09 - 08:03 AM

It's A Grand Old Flag

It's a grand old flag, it's a good plastic bag
and we get it on all of our clothes.
A guy can play the live-long day and
have it wherever he goes.
It is lots more fun than a doll or a gun,
you can wave them around like flags.
But should old acquaintance be forgot,
keep your head out of plastic bags!

This is the way I remember this wonderful parody. I can never remember the real lyrics, as the above successfully replaced the real lyrics in my memory bank. :)

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: mrmoe
Date: 18 Nov 09 - 08:43 AM

.....and who will forget, "she got a nose job"....I have a digitized copy of the album with that song - "Mad Twists Rock & Roll" - if anyone wants it

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: clueless don
Date: 18 Nov 09 - 08:58 AM

I believe I have the original record - I think it came stapled within one of the magazine issues.

Don

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Cuilionn (the lang-lost)
Date: 18 Nov 09 - 12:02 PM

The Legend of the Ad-Men (Mad Mag parody of Jabberwocky)

Twas Brillo, and the G.E. stoves
did Proctor-Gamble in the Glade.
All Pillsbury were the Tastee loaves
And in a Minute Maid.

"Beware the Station Break, my son,
The voice that lulls, the ads that vex,
Beware the Doctor's Claim and shun
That horror called Brand-X!"

He took his Q-Tip swab in hand,
Long time the Tension Headache fought,
So Dristan he by a Mercury,
And Bayer break'd in thought.

And as in Bufferin Gulf he stood,
The Station Break, with Rise of Tame,
Came Whisking through the Pride-hazed wood,
And Cream-Rinsed as it came!

"Buy one, buy two, we're almost through!"
The Q-Tip Dash went Spic-and-Span,
He Tide Airwick, and with Bisquick,
Went Aero-Waxing Ban.

"And hast thou Dreft the Station Break?
Ajax the Breck, Excedrin boy,
Oh Fab wash day! Cashmere Bouquet!"
He Handi-wrapped with Joy.

Twas Brillo and G.E. Stoves
Did Proctor-Gamble in the Glade
All Pillsbury were the Tastee Loaves
And in a Minute Maid.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,CampBarlow
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 11:09 AM

Sung to the tune "It Came Upon A Midnight Clear" in the same issue that "O Little Town Of Washington" was published back in the early 70s.

The plane we boarded last evening dear
to start on our holiday spree,
we read three books and enjoyed our meal
and saw a movie for free.

We pulled our seats back and slept 'till dawn
and chatted together past noon.
It's been a pleasure and now let's hope
that we'll be taking off soon!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,CampBarlow
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 11:16 AM

Sung to the tune "Silver Bells". Same issue as previous post. How I memorized these from 1973 is beyond me.

Drivers weaving, signs unheading
down the highway they race.
You can tell it's the season of Christmas.

Wildly weaving, sometimes heaving
with the cops giving chase,
and with each fatal crack-up you'll hear...

Count the toll
count the toll
It's Christmas time on the highway...

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: RangerSteve
Date: 13 Dec 09 - 12:45 AM

Guest - thanks for that Jabberwocky parody. My friend and I memorized that when it came out originally (1966 or 67), but I eventually forgot a lot of it. It's one of my favorites.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 24 Dec 09 - 12:46 AM

How about the parody of "West Side Story" called "East Side Story"? Two gangs, one led by Kennedy, the other by Nikita Khrushchev. "When you're a Red", sung by Krushchev:

When you're a Red you're a Red all the way
From your first Party purge to your last power play!

....

You're always a friend
Of every brand-new nation
The spies that you send
Inflame the population
That's infiltration!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,R Harris
Date: 27 Dec 09 - 01:47 AM

I enjoyed reading through these posts. I remember one song:

Charley, Charley, bicycle built for two
On my Harley, down Central Avenue
We'll tear up the town till sundown
Old ladies we will rundown
And we won't stop for no darn cop
On a Harley thats built for two.

I remember the ending of "War" (sung to More)

War, brings us soldiers that are strong and good
War, brings us John Wayne films from Hollywood
War, brings our TV newscasts more
Scenes of blood and death and gore
That's what living color's for.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Bob in Toronto
Date: 31 Dec 09 - 01:06 PM

I've been trying to find the parodies of college fight songs MAD did in the late 60's or early 70's. The only one I remember partially is the Notre Dame one "Stomp on their backbones, break all their bones". Other songs included similar lyrics. Anyone know where to find them? HAppy New Year!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: beeliner
Date: 01 Jan 10 - 02:24 AM

'"Potrzebie" is alleged to be Polish for "I had one grunch but the eggplant over there."'

Any Polish speakers here know the actual translation?

I read somewhere that Al Feldstein saw the word on a billboard in Poland and just thought it was a funny-looking word.

I think that it may mean 'You need', as an advertisement might say, 'You need [our product]', but I'm not sure.

Back in the late 1950's, MAD had 'celebrity guest writers' in nearly every issue, which were usually visualizations of well-known comedy routines, such as Danny Kaye's "I'm Five", Orson Bean's "Two Chinese Guys Who Go to an American Restaurant", and Wally Cox's "My Friend Dufo (What a Crazy Guy)". But Ernie Kovacs did some original material for the magazine.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Jan 10 - 01:03 PM

was cats, chicks and hipsters
dig me and dig me good......

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: clueless don
Date: 04 Jan 10 - 11:35 AM

On 31 Dec 09 - 01:06 PM GUEST,Bob in Toronto asked about parodies of college fight songs. I'm not sure this is the one you are remembering, but I remember a bit of a parody of the Notre Dame fight song, something like:

Pray, pray for
old Pivnick Tech!
We're going to get it
right in the neck!
send [???] of taps on high ...

or something like that.

Don

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Blind Mike
Date: 13 Jan 10 - 02:16 PM

Anybody know the rest of this one to the tune of "If I Only Had A Brain" ?
At conventions by the hour
I squirt my water flower
just like a legionair.
(forgot this line)
'Cause there just ain't no denyin'
that I'm nothing but a square.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: mousethief
Date: 14 Jan 10 - 01:33 AM

I remember a send-up of Star Trek set to tunes from Hair.

Aquarius:
And you can do it with a crew that's dispensible!
Crew that's dispensible! Dispensible!
Minor characters we bring on
Perish when they meet a Klingon
... (that's all I can remember now)

I also remember a spoof of 2001 called 201: A Space Idiocy. I don't remember any songs from that, or if it did have songs.

I too have the LP "Mad Twists Rock 'n' Roll" -- it's keen, man. Although none of the songs are exactly parodies of any single song, they definitely send up various rock-n-roll song types of the day including the "my boyfriend died" genre and the "the little girl has grown up and is sexy now" genre, as well as a bona fide (and not too shabby) Elvis send-up. If that comes out on CD, definitely grab it.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,China
Date: 14 Jan 10 - 04:38 PM

I remember part of one from way back...sung to the tune of Try to Remember.

Alfred E. Neuman with brain of albumin
Will win just like Truman did from Missouri
Back him and then we can say once again
What me worry, worry, worry...

And part of another one sung to the tune of the Air Force song. It was about dentists.

We dislike cavaties left untreated
Teeth look bad full of decay
When we're in doubt - we pull them out
Oh, nothing can stop a dentist today!

A Christmas song, sung to the tune of Good King Wi....can't spell it:

Ooooohhhhh, Oh
Cards from Linda, cards from Sue
Cards with 10 cents postage due
Ever sending, never ending
Cards you'd like to tear into!

Subject: RE: "Potrzebie"
From: GUEST,Keith
Date: 22 Feb 10 - 05:57 PM

"Potrzebie" is Polish for "necessary." "The necessary" is slang in English for "money."

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Allen in Oz
Date: 22 Feb 10 - 07:05 PM

I know it was not a parody but " Rewriting Your Way to a PhD" in MAD magazine was priceless

AD

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,The Old Galoot
Date: 20 Mar 10 - 12:03 AM

Wow, it seems I remember a number of songs; I just sang one to my partner:

Sung to the tune of Anchors Aweigh

Our kid's away, Thank God!
Our kid's awa-a-a-y
We sent him off to camp
At fifty bucks a da-ay

Though it's a lot to pay
We'll make no fuss,
If we complain
Then they might
Send him back,
Send him back,
To us!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,The Old Galoot
Date: 20 Mar 10 - 12:06 AM

Guest, China wrote on Jan 14 2010 about the campaign song for Alfred E. Neuman.

It started out

Try to remember
This coming November
To vote for Neuman,
Vote for Neuman,

Then the part that Guest had:

Alfred E. Neuman with brain of albumin
Will win just like Truman did from Missouri
Back him and then we can say once again
What me worry, worry, worry...

There were other verses, I think. But that reminds me of a couple more campaign songs.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies -- campaign songs
From: The Old Galoot
Date: 20 Mar 10 - 12:15 AM

Rockefeller campaign song, sung to the Marines Hymn (Halls of Montezuma)

From the vaults of Chase Manhattan Bank
To his zillion shares of stocks
We will work for Rockefeller, boys
Cause he's richer than Fort Knox

True, he makes a lousy candidate
But we never should forget,
He's the only one that has the cash
To pay off the U.S. debt!

Agnew song, sung to Notre Dame fight song

Cheer, cheer, for Spiro today
He will unite the whole USA
Polacks, guineas, japs and greeks,
Impudent snobs and left-wing freaks

Though the slums be great or be small
When you've seen one slum, you've seen them all,
When he loses, he can star in
All In The Family!

Wallace campaign song:

dang, having trouble with this one, the last line was "He'll keep the White House white!"

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: The Old Galoot
Date: 20 Mar 10 - 12:23 AM

Song about ancient Rome, sung to Home on the Range

Oh Rome [can't remember three syllables]
With your wild Coluseum
And your traffic-jammed Appian Way

Where pizza is best
Though it's hard to digest
And Caesar's the King we obey!

Rome, Rome your so fine
With your crazy SPQR sign!
Where the orgies go on
From each night until dawn
And each Christian is fed to a lion!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 20 Mar 10 - 08:35 PM

It started:
Oh Rome is our dream

Loved those Mad song parodies when I was a kid.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Osman
Date: 31 Mar 10 - 05:25 PM

This one I remember:


Don't be disheartened if,
The Hardships are great, and the rewards but few.
Remember that the mighty oak,
Was once a nut like you.


There was another which went something like this:

Do you remember the tree,
Where we once carved our names, like hearts entwined,
Never to be forgotten till the end of time.
Well, guess what?
The tree died.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Chief_Ed
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 08:48 AM

At a Howard Johnson's, eating,
You will find me there repeating,
Those jokes no one can bear.
I'm a sure fire sensation,
With my Bert Parks imitation,
Cause I'm nothing but a square!

At conventions by the hour
I will squirt my water flower
just like a legionair.

'Cause there just ain't no denyin'
that I'm nothing but a square.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: mousethief
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 04:20 PM

Keith: "Potrzebie" is Polish for "necessary." "The necessary" is slang in English for "money."

Where I come from, "the necessary" is slang for the toilet. "I have to use the necessary" doesn't mean I have to use money. It means I gotta take a crap.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Feezite
Date: 15 May 10 - 09:09 PM

Sung to the tune of "My Bonnie"

A porpoise will flap with his flippers,
A monkey's both clever and shrewd,
A spaniel will bring you your slippers,
A cat only comes when there's food!

(refrain)

Yech, cats,
yech, cats,
Don't try to bring to bring one to me, to me,
Yech, cats,
Yech, cats,
Don't try to bring one to me!

and...

To the tune of "Deck the Halls"

Boom the cherry bombs explode,
Blowing potholes in the road,
Tiny bits of dynamite,
Sure can give a guy a fright,
One went off by Irving's mama,
Poor thing almost had a trauma,
Blast, these simple minded jerks,
We turn loose with fireworks,
Boom the cherry bombs explode,
Blowing potholes in the road.

Can't believe I still remember this much after forty years...

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,beckaroonie
Date: 10 Jun 10 - 07:26 PM

Ok...Here is another Mad Magazine
Song Parody for Ya~~~

Sung to the Tune of:

"STRANGERS IN THE NIGHT"

Watchdog in the night,
I never chained you ,
Watchdog in the night,
I'd always trained you,
to protect my house,
until the night was thruuuuuuuu.

Then those burglers came,
you didn't mind it,
they were after loot,
you helped them find it,
diamond rings and furs,
you quickly led them tooooooooooo.

Watchdog in the night,
A stupid beagle you were -
Watchdog in the night,
But later on when I
returned to my poor home -
how your jaws did foam......

You became a snapping dog,
A fearless crazy yapping dog.....
Whenever Im in sight
I don't remember.....lalalalala I don't remember lalalalala
My watchdog in. the. nightttttttttt.

###
I remember a few more songs, bits and pieces, will post later =)

Subject: Lyr Add: Mad Song Parody: Girl From Ipanema
From: GUEST,beckaroonie
Date: 10 Jun 10 - 07:41 PM

Another Mad Magazine Song Parody (half remembered)

Sung to the Tune of "The Girl From Ipanema"

Short and Fat and Bald and Ugly -
the Guy from NYC goes walking -
and as he passes
the lovely lasses
say "ooohhhhh"

Strings of Pearls,
and Diamond Bracelets,
And coats of mink
are what he gives them
That's why when he passes
Those lovely lasses
say, "oooooohhhhh"

True, he is dumpy and ugly,
Still, they do not seem to mind it;
They love the smell of his money,
and each day that he walks down the street
(I don't re-mem-ber de de deeeeee)

(something like that....)

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,beckaroonie
Date: 10 Jun 10 - 07:58 PM

Yet ANOTHER Mad Magazine Song Parody
Sung to the Tune of :

MOON RIVER

Chopped li-ver,
Onions on the side;
My social life has died.....from youuuuuuu;

My friends shun me,
they out-run me,
the smell of my breath~
is slow death~
sad but truuuuuuue;

Your Odor's
Twice- as bad as Beer;
And People who drink Beer
Agreeeeeeeeee.....

I know that your smell
will not end.....
My halitosis friend.....

Chopped Liverrrrr
Innnnn Meeeeeeeeeeeee.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: clueless don
Date: 11 Jun 10 - 09:33 AM

GUEST,Feezite, about the parody you posted on 15 May 10 - 09:09 PM, the one that starts "Boom the cherry bombs explode, Blowing potholes in the road". You say "To the tune of 'Deck the Halls'", but it scans like it was actually to the tune of "Hark, the Herald Angels Sing."

Don

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,wright1
Date: 26 Jun 10 - 02:44 AM

Here's what I remember of "When You're A Red". Hoping there's someone else who can fill in more...

When you're a Red, you're a Red all the way!
From your first Party coup to your last power play!

When you're a Red, you've got agents galore!
You give prizes for peace, while they stir up a war!

You set off a test, and when you're halfway through it,
you point at the West, and say, they drove you to it!
That's how you do it!

When you're a Red, you will sign a peace pact,
that will fool everyone, 'till your troops have attacked!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,sciencechicky
Date: 11 Aug 10 - 08:53 PM

another ad one... to tune of "On Wisconsin"

Push rice crispies,
push rice crispies,
snap, crackle and pop!
And while you're at it,
Push our corn flakes,
finest of the crop.
Yum yum yum.
Say that each is
Great with peaches,
fresh or from the can.
And while you're pushing,
Don't forget All-Bran.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,sdw
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 12:54 PM

Does anyone remember this one (sung to the tune of "Bali Hai")? I can only remember the first 8 lines.

Alcatraz is waiting
On that rock in the bay
Once you're there, there's no escaping
You will stay, you will stay.

Alcatraz is calling
Hear it call through the gloom
"You don't need a reservation,
We've got room, we've got room"

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,showtunefolkie
Date: 03 Oct 10 - 09:25 AM

I'm trying to find the words to: "I have often walked my Pierre outside..." and ends with "...now he sits upon his own private john that I built for the dog that I love". This was an ode to a poodle owner. Where can I find these?

In the meantime, my own 'tween memory recalls:

"The thing that I bury will have to be
A real Transylvanian monstrosity
The thing for which I crave
Will have two blood-shot eyes staring up from that grave..."

and

"There's no monsters like Pro Monsters
There's no monsters we know..."

Manny Get Your Ghoul and Frank Jacobs made me fall in love with parodies and sending up musical comedies.

Thanks, man!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,LHC
Date: 01 Nov 10 - 02:18 PM

I remember that one, except for a few words I've left as blanks:

"I have often walked my Pierre outside,
But I never liked him in the dirty air outside.
Now he sits upon
His own private john,
That I built for the dog that I love.

See the ____________that I made for him!
See the powder blue pajamas I crocheted for him!
And should he feel ill,
Here's the Contac pill
That I'll give to the dog that I love.

But oh! he sometimes annoys me,
When he does, I'm firm as can be,
Although it nearly destroys me
To have to tell him he can't watch his own TV.

If I _____________________
I'll get maids for him.
And if he should lose his hair,
I'll get toupees for him
And when I drop dead
When my will is read
All will go to the dog that I love."

And a bonus to complete your "Pro Monsters"

"These new monsters ain't true monsters
They've got nothing to show.
If you want to make a girl feel petrified,
To make her scream, and her eyes grow wide,
Tell her that next week she'll be the Wolfman's bride,
Why-ho, Monsters, let's go!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,LHC
Date: 01 Nov 10 - 02:23 PM

For Beckaroonie--

"Whenever I'm in sight
It's so upsetting:
Every time you bite
It's me you're getting.
Now you're full of fight,
My watchdog in the night."

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,LHC
Date: 01 Nov 10 - 02:28 PM

For BOB--the Notre Dame fight song:

"Cheer, cheer the black and the blue!
You're gonna win 'cause we are for you!
Push their faces in the mud!
Punch out their teeth and draw their blood!

Stomp on their stomachs, break all their bones!
We wanna hear their screams and their moans!
If you follow our advice,
You'll win a clean victory."

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Nov 10 - 05:37 PM

You're a fat of bag
You're an unsightly hag
But, you're still my true love Emmy Lou

You're the image of the flag I love,
Your complextion is red, white and blue

Overweight and big in your ill fitting wig

But, should old aquantence be forgot
I'll escape from that fat old hag!

(Sung to you're a grand old flag)

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Nov 10 - 07:00 PM

I seem to remember a part of "Nothing but a Square"

All my ties say kiss me honey
I bought them with good money
While seeing the world's fair
With the pure understanding
LALALALALALALA????
That I'm nothing but a square.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Seonaid
Date: 10 Nov 10 - 07:50 PM

Nice trip down Memory Lane --
How I loved the Mad "Comic Opera" and other spoofs back in the 60s!
My mother was a teacher of English Literature then.
Her stock with the students went up 200% one day.
She arrived in class with Mad magazines and read several parodies --
spoofs of Longfellow, Whitman, even Chaucer! --
and proceeded to discuss why they were so funny.
(The assigned homework that night was an original parody.)
I'm still writing parodies, possibly inspired by Mad's examples.
Great fun!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 11 Nov 10 - 03:52 PM

I remeber one performed at my college in the early 1970's about the NY Jets:

When you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way
From your first day at camp 'til they trade you away.

Can't remember the rest

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: BrooklynJay
Date: 11 Nov 10 - 05:05 PM

Boy, this thread brings back a lot of memories! Somewhere in one of my closets I have a big box of Mad magazines I haven't looked at in nearly forty years... Those parodies really do stick in your mind! And, as I remember, most of the classic ones were written by the great Frank Jacobs.

Here's one, to the tune of "My Bonny Lies Over the Ocean":

My body has Calamine Lotion
My body's as sore as can be
The flowers I picked for my granny
Turned out to be poison ivy!

Don't touch,
Don't touch,
Don't touch poison ivy, ivy!

It will
Itch bad
And, it's worse than acne!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 13 Nov 10 - 06:30 PM

Carolynn:

Here's one from way back in the 60's; Sung to The Jets' Song.

When you use Crest
You are fighting decay
From your first baby tooth
To that last gold inlay

When you use Crest
In your home dental plan
All your teeth stay in shape
Cause it's got flurostan

It passed ev'ry test
In Maine and Indiana
It outcleaned the rest
In Georgia and Montana
IT BEAT IPANA!

We all tried Crest
While the others did not
Now we've got 20% less
Tooth decay than they've got

When you use Crest, you use the Beeeeeeeest!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Carolynn
Date: 13 Nov 10 - 06:35 PM

Another from the 60s, from the same set of songs as the Crest song

I ache again
I shake again
My head feels like it's sure to
Break again

Distressed, dismal and dispondant
Am I

No glee again
In me again
My head feels just like World War 3 again

Distressed, dismal and despondent
Am I

Tho my skull's
Fairly oozing
Still this pain
Cannot last;
There's one thing
That I'm using,
And it works FAST, FAST, FAST!

I cheer again
It's clear again
That Anacin saved
My career again

Distressed dismal and dispondent
No more!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: BrooklynJay
Date: 14 Nov 10 - 12:59 AM

I remember MAD also did another parody of "Bewitched, Bothered and Bewlidered" in the '60s with fairly similar lyrics; but that one was called "Distressed, Dreary and Dyspeptic."

Can't remember all the words at the moment...

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,carol
Date: 14 Nov 10 - 11:02 AM

Does anyone remember the lyrics to the tropical fish song, sung to the tune of "My Favorite Things'?

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies: tropical fish song
From: GUEST,carol
Date: 14 Nov 10 - 11:32 AM

The tropical fish song had lyrics something like this, sung to the tune of 'My Favorite Things', but i don't know most of the words. Can anyone help?...

Bright colored (guppies?) and (black shiny mollies?)...
(something something) that swim with a splish,
These are just some of my tropical fish.
Then I bought (mantas?) that sting in the water
Deadly (?) that itch for a slaughter
(?) that bite with a Squish!
Now I have many less tropical fish
If you think that
Fish are peaceful
That's an empty wish.
Just put them together and leave them alone,
and then you will have...
Less fish!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,greenyanks
Date: 02 Dec 10 - 11:42 PM

Here are a few that I remember:

To the song "Georgie Girl"

Hey there, charge account
Going on another shopping spree
Lucky thing for me the store can't see
My bank account's bare
I'm dead broke

Hey there charge account
Buying lots of fancy clothes for free
I've been broke since 63
But what the heck I don't care

But see that salesgirl checking my files
And wrecking my day
She just discovered that I don't pay
She's telling me

Goodbye charge account
Now I have to look like some poor schnook
Taking back the clothes I took
I don't have a thing to wear
I've been stripped bare
Of my charge account

I will post others.................

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Greenyanks
Date: 02 Dec 10 - 11:59 PM

Here's one from East Coast Story:

There are three verses in which three politicians are trying to get sit-in demonstrators to move. I know the last two politicians are Ronald Reagan as then Governor of California and President Nixon.

The tune is "Officer Krupke" and here is the Reagan verse:

Dear kindly Ronald Reagan
Forgive us if we're frank
We saw you on the late show
Like man, you really stank
You lost one for the gipper
You bombed in Brother Rat
Sacra-mento
Now look where you're at'

Dear Governor Reagan
We just gotta say
Perhaps your worst performance
Is your one here today
We'd like to oblige you
But one thing is clear
You've laid an egg
So we'll stay here

We'll stay here
We'll stay here
We'll stay here, here, here
We're sincere
When we say we'll stay here!!

I just remembered the third "politican" - it was J. Edgar Hoover
and remember the second part of the verse:

Dear J. Edgar Hoover
We won't go to jail
We've got a real smart lawyer who will free us on bail
Before we're convicted
And tossed in a cell
We'll heist a plane
And join Fidel!

Join Fidel, join Fidel, we will join Fidel
What the hell
We'll split and join Fidel!!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Muttley
Date: 03 Dec 10 - 07:46 AM

2 that I recall

To the tune of "Halls of Montezuma" (The U.S. Marine Corps Hymn)

It was a series of parody songs about that year's Presidential Race

From the vaults of Chase Manhattan Bank
To his zillion shares of stocks
we will vote for Rockefeller Boys
'Cause he's richer than Fort Knox
True he'll make a lousy candidate
But we never can forget
He's the only one that's got the bucks   (or was it cash)
To pay off the U.S, Debt


To the tune of "Anchors Aweigh" - parody songs about games and sports

Bishops away my lads, Bishops away
Move up your Knights and Pawns and
Keep your Queen in play-ay-ay-ay
Caslte your King my lad
Don't hesitate
Oops, I guess I told you wrong
He's got you there, he's got you there:
Checkmate

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 06 Dec 10 - 09:02 PM

watchdog in the night -
a stupid beagle you were
watchdog in the night

and later on when i returned to my poor home
how your jaws did foam
you became a snapping dog
a crazy fearless yapping dog

THERE IS MORE TO THIS THAT I DON'T REMEMBER!! :)

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,punsterdo
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 11:54 AM

Good King Wenceslas looked out
on the something season
saw five million lacking food
asked what was the reason

Do not worry, he was told
if there's some starvation
It's our way of keeping down
overpopula-a-tion!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Capn Kodak
Date: 11 Dec 10 - 03:39 PM

There is a stanza in it that ends...
Quoth the spaniel, "Buy a Ford"

It seems that he had done something... "without a word"
then the "buy a Ford" line followed.
Haven't read it in over 40 years.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,iiaammii
Date: 18 Dec 10 - 10:20 PM

As your ship goes through the Galaxy
To distant worlds, way past mars
Be sure, that your adventures
do... not kill off your stars!

And you can do it with a crew that's dispensible
A crew that's dispensible...le
Dispensible
Dis pen si ble

Minor actors that we bringon
Perish when they meet a Klingon
One time actors not seen later
Vanish in a planet's crater
Those of us who try to aid them
fail because the script has made them
Dispensible le le
Dis pen si ble!

I have remembered that for 35 years! As well as:
(Sound of Silence)
I'm a doctor out in space
and like I really groove this place
because of all the rare diseases
not like you silly coughs and sneezes

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,guest
Date: 19 Dec 10 - 11:04 PM

"Sic transit gloria mundi." Gloria got sick on the bus Monday.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: clueless don
Date: 20 Dec 10 - 08:20 AM

GUEST,iiaammii,

In your 18 Dec 10 - 10:20 PM message, with the Star Trek parody, to what tune was the song to be sung?

I'm open to cries of "How can you not know that???", but I genuinely don't know.

Don

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Scot
Date: 24 Jan 11 - 03:25 AM

The "My Fair Ad-Man" spoof had a version of "With a Little Bit o' Luck":

You've never had a clean shave or a haircut
A bigger bum I hope I never see
Your taste is sad in choosing what you wear, but
With a little bit of soap,
With a little bit of soap,
You'll be looking just like him and me.
(CHORUS)
With a little bit, with a little bit,
With a little bit of soap you’ll look like we.

You've got real charcoal staining your grey flannel
I thought those shoes were for a tennis game
If you were on TV, I'd change the channel, but
With a little bit of soap,
With a little bit of soap,
You and Cary Grant will look the same.
(CHORUS)
With a little bit, with a little bit,
With a little bit of soap you'll look the same
With a little bit, with a little bit,
With a little bit of Lifebuoy soap!

A piece on "Up-to-Date Service Songs" had this take on "Anchors Aweigh":

Our taste's absurd, my boys
Our taste's absurd
With girls, our eyesight's blurred
We date pigs by the herd-herd-herd-herd
When on that briny deep
From June 'til May
Practic'ly any creep
Looks like the girl who married JFK!

The entire "Chinese Restaurant Song" went thus:

There's a bright golden glaze on the eggroll
There's a bright golden glaze on the eggroll
The hot egg foo yung really tickles the tongue
The tea's in the pot and the waiter's named Chung

Oh, what a glorious dinner
Oh, what great Moo Goo Gai Pan
We're having twenty-eight courses
Thanks to the family plan.

All the noodles are covered with soy sauce,
All the noodles are covered with soy sauce.
We're feeling no pain
'Cause our plates all contain
A big heaping portion of Sub Gum Chow Mein.

Oh, what a glorious dinner
We'll fill our bellies and then
One hour after we've eaten
We'll all be hungry again,
We'll all be hungry again.

They also did a Wine Lovers' Song to the tune of "Hello Young Lovers." Does anyone have the words to it?

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,sapphire
Date: 12 Feb 11 - 05:28 PM

anyone know the lyrics to the michael jackson parody of twitter? new issue.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Taconicus
Date: 13 Feb 11 - 11:06 AM

Michael Jackson's new parody? What, is he writing from beyond the grave?

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Michael
Date: 20 Mar 11 - 11:44 AM

A MAD parody I memorised (50 yrs back):

I remember, I remember
The house where I was born,
The little bathroom down the passage
Where 19 fought each dawn;
My 13 brother hated me
My sisters thought the same
Ma never called me in to eat -
She didn't know my name.

I remember, I remember
The joys my schooling gave;
How I was late for infant class
Because I had to shave.
I think that I shall ne'er forget
A little girl named Sue;
I carried home her books from school:
Her boyfriend told me to.

Does anyone remember MAD's parody of Hiawatha making mittens????

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Racking My Brain...
Date: 23 Mar 11 - 04:53 PM

...for the rest of the lyrics to this:

"We've got tommy guns that fire
Thirty bullets at a clip
We've got automatic rifles and
A shotgun that's a pip...."

I forget the rest...

It was called "There is Nothing Like a Frame"
(Nothing in the world
There is nothing you can name
That is anything like a frame.)

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: JennyO
Date: 24 Mar 11 - 03:58 PM

Someone quoted part of "I wandered lonely as a clod" further up. Here's the whole of it - I think.

I Wandered Lonely as a Clod

I wandered lonely as a clod,
Just picking up old rags and bottles,
When onward on my way I plod,
I saw a host of axolotls;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
A sight to make a man's blood freeze.

Some had handles, some were plain;
They came in blue, red, pink, and green.
A few were orange in the main;
The damndest sight I've ever seen.
The females gave a sprightly glance;
The male ones all wore knee-length pants.

Now oft, when on the couch I lie,
The doctor asks me what I see.
They flash upon my inward eye
And make me laugh in fiendish glee.
I find my solace then in bottles,
And I forget them axolotls.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,mad man
Date: 27 Apr 11 - 01:30 PM

"Onward Pivnick"

One of my favorites (from memory, some 50 years later; correctons welcome). This gentle fight song captures the essence of football and the heart's desire of every true fan.

To the tune of "On Wisconsin!"

Onward Pivnick, onward Pivnick,
Forward to the fray!
Suffocate them, decimate them,
Grind them into clay!(Rah, rah, rah!)
Send a roar up,
Roll the score up,
Grind them into mud!
We'll clean the field up
With their own blood!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: clueless don
Date: 27 Apr 11 - 02:21 PM

GUEST,mad man, your quote of "Onward Pivnick" reminded me of another Mad song parody. It started out something like

Pray, Pray for Old Pivnick Tech!
We're going to get it right in the neck!
Send(?) a ??? of taps on high ...

That's all I remember just now.

Don

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 27 Apr 11 - 04:42 PM

Refresh

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine Political parodies: Rockerfeller
From: GUEST,joey mac
Date: 04 May 11 - 10:13 PM

Don't some agree that the Rockerfeller Parody would suit a Donald Trump Campaign?.
Sung to the tune of Marine Song: "From the shores of Montezuma"

From the vaults of Chase Manhatten Bank to his lavish apartment blocks,
You will vote for Donald Trump my friends because he's richer than fort Knox,

Although he'll make a garish candidate,
We never should forget,

He's the only one who's got the brains to pay off the US debt.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 13 Jun 11 - 04:44 PM

Lyrics are as follows:

Orange colored mollies and black colored guppies
Shy little angels as gentle as puppies
Swimming and diving with scarcely a swish
These are a few of my tropical fish

Then I bought Mantas that sting in the water
Deadly piranhas that itch for a slaughter
Savage male betas that bite with a squish
Now I have many less tropical fish.

If you think that
Fish are peaceful
That's an empty wish
Just dump them together and leave them alone
And soon you will have... No fish.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 18 Jun 11 - 04:58 PM

There's a bright golden cyst on his elbow.
There's a bright golden cyst on his elbow.
His throat is as weak as an old dried-up creek
and I think that his kneecap is starting to leak.

and I recall this part after that (it is almost 55 years):

Oh what a beautiful scalpel
Oh what a beautiful knife
I've got a beautiful feeling
I can save his poor life

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Guest
Date: 28 Jun 11 - 08:02 PM

OK, here's one you won't understand unless you are old enough to remember when they actually had real food served on airplanes.
Sung to the tune of "Tonight"

In Flight, In Flight...
They Serve Great Meals In Flight...
The Sirloins Are So Tasty And Rare.

In Flight, In Flight...
I Try To Eat In Flight...
But Somehow...I Just Can't...In The Air!

In Flight, The Headwinds We Are Bucking...
And Oh, I Am Up-Chucking...
Oh, What A Sorry Sight.

I'm White...With Fright...
From Trying To Keep Down Every Bite...
In Flight!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,jeanne
Date: 29 Jun 11 - 11:56 AM

Okay, this is bizarre. Bob and I were just re-reading a Mad mag this morning on his favorite Star Wars topic, and now I see this thread. No song parodies in that issue, but several of the parodies already mentioned in this thread came from a single issue that had songs about food: Ground Round (Downtown), the Chinese Restaurant Song (Oh, What a Beautiful Morning), Chopped Liver (Moon River), and Hello, Wine Lovers (Hello, Young Lovers), the last of which I didn't memorize because I was fuzzy on the tune. It also had The Sundae With the Nuts on the Top (The Surry etc.) and probably a couple of others.

Ev'ry day is really a fun day
When I eat a big, gooey sundae
When I eat a big, gooey sundae
With the nuts on top

(2nd verse, I forgot)

(bridge, I can only remember the last line:)
Which may be why I'm feeling icky

Tho' my figure's taking a beating
From this glob of glue that I'm eating
When I'm through, you'll find me repeating
'Cause I just can't stop
Eating all those gooey sundaes
With the nuts on the top

There's also another version of The Raven, called The Rating, and I only remember the final punch line:

Quoth the Rating, Gary Moore.

Surely the entire Mad run is archived somewhere! More, more.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Aug 11 - 08:32 PM

It's that grand old smog
It's that low lying smog
You can tell by the smell and the pall
Tho it burns the skies and stings the eyes
It means there's employment for all
For it comes you see from some great fac-to-ry
Where there's never an idle cog...
So let's all be grateful for what we've got
And give thanks to that grand old smog

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: katlaughing
Date: 05 Aug 11 - 11:35 PM

Don't know if this was psoted, previously, but there's some neat history of MAD on their officiel site HERE. There are supposed to be archives, but I couldn't find any of the old, good stuff.

There are a few cover scans at MADCOVERSITE.COM.

When we finally dig out our storage shed, I'll probably scan the covers of the ones we have, ranging from the 60s through the 80s. May find some parodies, too. They are mostly beat up as I read them, then each of my kids read them as they were passed down. My kids all have great senses of humour, I might add.:-)

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Tkredge
Date: 27 Aug 11 - 07:41 PM

I am trying to find the Mad Hiawatha
" by the shores of gitchee-goomee by the stagnant green scum water, stood the campus of Nakomis rotten football school Nakomis....?

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,jump
Date: 30 Aug 11 - 10:00 AM

For it's high high hee
We've got vulnerability
Shout out "3 no-trump" loud and strong
Down Four!

Oh we will set the pace
As we trump our partner's ace
As the bridge team goes rolling along

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Mrrzy
Date: 30 Aug 11 - 05:25 PM

I seem to recall something about Mighty Casey Had Struck out...

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,sixtieschick
Date: 30 Aug 11 - 08:24 PM

Another one of the free 45 RPM records that parodied rock 'n' roll songs, along with "She Got a Nose Job," was "Please Betty Jane Shave Your Legs." But I don't remember a word except for that title and chorus.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Fl!p Breskin
Date: 30 Aug 11 - 09:57 PM

I didn't see one of my favorites!

To the tune of Sidewalks Of New York:

North Side, South Side, all around the square
The factories are polluting every cubic inch of air
Cars & trucks together spew exhaust up and down
We'll have to play in gas masks on the sidewalks of our town!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,DavLaurel
Date: 10 Oct 11 - 01:20 AM

When the Bomb comes falling down, falling down, falling down
When the Bomb comes falling down, There'll be fallout.

Cover up your face and head, face and head, face and head
Then get on your suit of lead, Cause there's fallout.

Do not stop to talk or play, talk or play, talk or play
Find your shelter right away, Cause there's fallout.

Just admit your nearest kin, nearest kin, nearest kin
Shoot down neighbors who want in, Cause there's fallout.

Come out when they sound all clear, sound all clear, sound all clear
Don't drink milk till late next year...Cause there's fallout.

I committed to memory a lot of these...more later.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,DavLaurel
Date: 10 Oct 11 - 03:25 AM

BrooklynJay, I recall a different ending...

Don't touch,
Don't touch,
You'll get a rash from ivy, ivy!

It will
Itch bad
And it will look worse than acne!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,KC Geno
Date: 10 Nov 11 - 08:58 PM

I don't know why I remember these lyrics. And I'm only 90% sure they were from a MAD parody. But here goes, anyway ...

To the tune of "Honey" (Bobby Goldsboro's treacly sweet hit):


See the tree, how big it's grown
Since Honey babe left it alone
It might survive

She messed with it so much that it's
A miracle the blasted tree
Is still alive

And it would sure embarrass her
When I'd come home from workin' late
'Cause I would know

That she'd been sittin' there all evenin'
Swillin' down a great big bottle
Of Old Crow

I came home unexpectedly
And caught her necking shamelessly
With Fred one day

And it was in the early spring
When flowers bloom and birdies sing
They went away

And Honey I miss you
Like a hole in the head
And I hope you are happy
With creepy old Fred!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,jesfine
Date: 10 Nov 11 - 11:54 PM

From "College Fight songs we'd like to hear"
To the tune "Anchors Away":

On to the fray, my boys
On to the fray!
Kill those who block our path and
grind their bones to Clay!(clay, clay. clay)

We're mighty ________ men
stalwart and strong!
We'll kill the enemy
as soon as we complete this victory song!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,AmericanIcon
Date: 18 Nov 11 - 01:26 PM

Does ANYBODY still have the words to MAD's "Mine Eyes Have Seen The Horror of the Coming Of The Reds"?

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,bthurber
Date: 23 Nov 11 - 01:00 AM

How about this one, spoofing dentists...to the tune of the Air Force Song:

Off we go into that wild mouth yonder looking for molars to pull.
There's a tooth waiting to feel our thunder.
At 'em boys, give 'em the drill, rat-a-tat-tat-tat.
We dislike cavities left untreated. Teeth look bad, full of decay.
When we're in doubt, we pull them out. Oh, nothing can stop the dentist today!!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,furrball
Date: 06 Dec 11 - 06:02 PM

Here's as many as I can recall off the top of my so-called head:

(To the tune of "My Bonnie"):

The bluefish lie dead in the ocean
The codfish lie dead in the sea
The all died of water pollution
Caused by the oil company!

Don't swim! Don't swim!
Remember the bluefish and cod (and cod)
It's not our sea --
Texaco leased it from God!

And howzabout this one?
(To the tune of "Anchors Aweigh"):

Our kid's away, thank God
Our kid's away
We sent him off to camp
At thirty bucks a day(-ay-ay-ay)

Though it's a lot to pay
We'll raise no fuss
If we complain, then they might
Send him back
Might send him back
to us!

And finally
(to the tune of "Off We Go Into The Wild Blue Yonder"
[or whatever that song's actually called!]):

Off we go into the bargain section
Running wild over the place
There's a clerk coming in our direction
Onward girls! Stomp on his face!

There's a dress that we can all fight over
Grab it, girls! Do not delay!
We'll pull till it's
All torn to bits
Nothing can stop us shoppers today!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 07 Dec 11 - 09:37 AM

Can't remember the tune, but the words to "She Got a Nose Job" are

"She got a nose job, she got a nose job,
It's now turned up instead of hanging down.
She got a nose job, she got a nose job
And now she's the prettiest girl in town."

Linn

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,hotsooze
Date: 16 Dec 11 - 10:27 PM

I loved the mad song to the tune of "love is Blue"
the words I know are
New,new my heart is new ,
straight from a man in Kalamazoo,.
also something with a second hand brain...
I'd love to know the whole song!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 13 Jan 12 - 09:46 AM

Last verse of "Watchdog in the Night":

Whenever Im in sight
It's so upsetting,
Every time you bite,
It's me you're getting,
Now I'm full of fright,
My watchdog in the night!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 07 Mar 12 - 05:15 PM

To the tune of the Army Air Corps Song

Off we go into that wild mouth yonder,
Looking for molars to fill.
There's a tooth waiting to feel our thunder,
At 'em boys, give 'em the drill.

Rat-tat-tat-tat--tat.

(Something, something, something, something, Could be we dislike       cavities left untreated, I'm not sure, I'll take whoevers
word for it)

Teeth look bad, full of decay.
When we're in doubt, we pull 'em out,
Oh nothing can stop a dentist today.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Mar 12 - 11:36 AM

I think there is a missing line or two, because this was my favorite and I could only remember the following line.

Watchdog in the night,
You're so disarming.
Watchdog in the night,
it's so Alarming.
You would lead the (?)theives to the family jewwwwwels.

Anyway that's the part I almost remember. I want to thank you for posting, been looking for this for years.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine "Watchdog in the Night"
From: GUEST,no limits
Date: 25 Apr 12 - 10:15 AM

I thought"Watchdog in the Night" ended with "Now you're full of fight, my watchdog in the night." Either ending would be good.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,archie
Date: 26 Apr 12 - 09:13 PM

One I memorized some 50-odd (some very odd) years ago:

Pray, pray for old Pivnik Tech
We're gonna get it right in the neck
Send the sound of taps on high
As our whole team lays down to die
What thought the odds may be great or small
Old Pivnik Tech will fumble the ball
While our undergrads get sick
And transfer to USC!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Madgurl
Date: 03 May 12 - 05:00 AM

to the tune of "Hello Dolly": Oh, well, hello, deli - this is Joe, deli. Would you please send up a nice corned beef on rye? A box of Ritz, deli, and some Schlitz, deli... so-me cho-pped li-ver and a sliver of your ap-ple pie? Turkey legs, deli, hard boiled eggs, deli... with to-ma-toes and po-ta-toes you-u fre-nch fry? Oh, please don't be late, deli, 'cos I can't wait, deli. Deli, withou-out breakfast I will die-eye!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Madgurl
Date: 03 May 12 - 05:06 AM

Does anyone remember Mad's version of "Mame" (from Broadway musical)? I have partial lyrics:
I stagger out of a subway fight - Maimed.
I end my stroll down a street at night - Maimed.
I join a crowd that's jumpin' from early in the evenin' til the dawn,
My heart is really pumpin' 'cos I'm the one the crowd is jumpin' on!

{at this point I'm missing some of the lyrics, but it continues}:

They make a mess galore of me - they make a field of war of me.
Each day there's something more of me Maimed.

(Thanks if anyone knows the part that's missing.....)

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Mr B
Date: 05 May 12 - 03:15 AM

Here's what I remember

Every day is really a fun day
When I eat a big gooey sundae
When I eat a big gooey sundae
With the nuts on top

Caramel sauce all gooey and gummy
Blobs of cream all tasty and yummy
Gobs of fudge that drop in my tummy
With a slow plip-plop

A cherry sitttin' on a pineapple slice
The marshmallow's gettin' all sticky
The strawberry's mixin' with the fudge real nice
Which may be why I'm feeling icky

Though my figure's takin' a beatin'
From this gob of goo that I'm eatin'
When I'm through you'll find me repeatin'
'Cause I just can't stop
Eating all those gooey sundaes
With the nuts on the top

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Mr B
Date: 05 May 12 - 03:27 AM

The "food song" paperback mentioned above also had some poems. There is one about buttered peas to the rythym of "Gunga Din" with apologies to R. Kipling.

You may talk of beef and spuds
when you're frocked in fancy duds
A sittin' there as cozy as you please

But when some heathin' demon
In your stomach starts a screamin'
Then you'll sell your bloomin soul for buttered peas

First you shell 'em to a man
Then dump 'em in a pan
And boil 'em 'til the bugler calls a halt

Then remove 'em neat and clean
While you shout "God save the Queen!"
And serve 'em with some butter and some salt.

For it's peas, peas, peas
They're enough to bring a blighter to his knees

-there's more that I can't remember but some of the words/phrases are:
Walk the road to Mandalay for
To the God above I pray for
Those succulent, delicious buttered peas

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,guest1959
Date: 22 May 12 - 03:35 AM

Here's one I remember to the tune of "The Battle Hymn of the Republic"

Your eyes are on the story on your color RCA
You are seated in a chair, alas, that's just 5 feet away
To think your eyes are both exposed to radiation's way
Your retinas are gone!

Glory Glory don't they fool ya!
Radiation's quite peculiar
It's hard to keep your eyes on "Julia"
Your retinas are gone!

There is one more verse but I can't remember it for the life of me!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 25 May 12 - 01:03 PM

Mad Comics Parody
To the tune of
"Oh what a beautiful morning"

There's a bright golden cyst on his elbow.
There's a bright golden cyst on his elbow.
His pulse is as weak as a dried-up old creek
And I think that his kneecap is starting to leak.

Oh what a bad operation,
Oh how I wish it weren't true
I did my darnedest to save him,
Looks like he didn't pull though

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Guest
Date: 28 May 12 - 03:14 PM

It looks like no one has added the Kellogg's song (sung to On Wisconsin):

Push Rice Krispies, Push Rick Krispies
Snap, crackle and pop.
While you're at it, try our cornflakes,
Finest of the crop-yum, yum, yum.
Tell that each is, great with peaches
Fresh or from the can.
And while you're pushing
Don't forget All Bran.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,rjhaley
Date: 03 Jun 12 - 10:51 PM

Christopher Columbus song, one slight change:

"No SILKS are sold here, there ain't no gold here..."

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: freddfish
Date: 04 Jun 12 - 10:18 AM

I'm Nothing But a Punk
(To the tune of "If I only had a Brain")

In the hottest summer weather,
You'll find me dressed in leather,
and Levis tightly shrunk.
And I feel brave and reckless
when I wear my Nazi necklace,
Cuz I'm nothing but a punk!

On my motorcycle racing,
you'll find me always chasing,
some poor old helpless drunk.
While his head I am breaking
there is simply no mistaking
That I'm nothing but a punk

Oh I am one tough guy that
all the other ones obey.
I took on a kid the other day,
one punch from me, she ran away!

(Sorry, that is all I remember...)

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Jul 12 - 04:10 PM

This is one I remember...

"There's a bright golden cyst on his elbow,
There's a bright golden cyst on his elbow.
And his temperature's high as an elephant's eye,
I think this poor bugger is ready to die"

"Oh what a beautiful scalpel,
Oh what a beautiful knife,
I've got a wonderful feeling,
We can still save his poor life"

"Oh what a bad operation,
Oh how I wish it weren't true,
I did my durndest to save him,
Looks like he didn't pull through."

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,malbuff
Date: 16 Jul 12 - 09:13 PM

"Wouldn't It be Kerouac" from "My Fair Ad-Man"

All I remember is:

"Pop-Art paintings to set the mood
They'll look normal when we get stewed"

and then the ad-man interjecting:

"And tho' you'll think me rude
O, what's this thing called 'Kerouac'?"

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,malbuff
Date: 16 Jul 12 - 09:31 PM

Here's another one from the mystic chords of memory, in the Songs About Food Dept., to the tune of "I'm In The Mood for Love", it was called "The Health Food Anthem" or something similar...

"I'm eating food for health
'Cause it is so nutritious
Though it is not delicious
I'm eating food for health"   

My fifth grade teacher, Hank Ardanowski, was a big MAD fan. If he confiscated your copy of the magazine in class, it was only so he could read it himself. Then he'd give it back. Or sometimes he'd read it aloud to the class, instead of the lesson. We would occasionally even get to SING these songs in class as a reward, say if we'd all just passed a important exam. He once gave me extra credit for turning in a project that featured a MAD-style fold-in cover. Gosh, I haven't thought about this stuff in years!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Davjoh50
Date: 30 Jul 12 - 08:28 AM

The Ballad of William Sycamore (the Moonshine poem.

My father was a moonshine man,
a regular sort of feller,
He kept ma plastered for forty years,
with the still he ran in the cellar,

I recall the folks who sampled his stuff,
the glassy look on their faces.
One day our spaniel inhaled the fumes,
and dropped dead at twenty paces,

My father worked hard with his cooker and mash,
and there were fruits of his labors.
By selling his stuff around the town,
he killed off most of his neighbors.

Us boys, we got into the moonshine game,
and gave the business new birth,
The eldest is now at Alcatraz,
the youngest at Leavenworth.

They never caught my father, though,
they no longer raid his place.
The revenuers now buy his stuff,
for use at a missile base.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,davjoh50
Date: 30 Jul 12 - 08:35 AM

The Ballad of William Sycamore (the Moonshine poem.)

My father was a moonshine man,
a regular sort of feller,
He kept ma plastered for forty years,
with the still he ran in the cellar,

I recall the folks who sampled his stuff,
the glassy look on their faces.
One day our spaniel inhaled the fumes,
and dropped dead at twenty paces,

My father worked hard with his cooker and mash,
and there were fruits of his labors.
By selling his moonshine around the town,
he killed off most of his neighbors.

Us boys, we got into the moonshine game,
and gave the business new birth,
The eldest is now at Alcatraz,
the youngest at Leavenworth.

They never caught my father, though,
they no longer raid his place.
The revenuers now buy his stuff,
for use at a missile base.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 25 Aug 12 - 08:06 PM

I believe the correct words to the Oklahoma! parody were:

There's a bright golden cyst on his elbow,
There's a bright golden cyst on his elbow,
His pulse is as weak as a dried-up old creek
And I think that his kneecap is starting to leak

Oh! What a beautiful scalpel.
Oh! What a beautiful knife.
I've got a beautiful feeling
We can still save his poor life.

Won't you pass me the number 5 suture,
Won't you pass me the number 5 suture,
His skin's getting clammy, his face looks all white,
And somehow I think that he ain't breathing right.

Oh! What a bad operation!
Oh! How I wish it weren't true!
I did my durndest to save him,
Looks like he didn't pull through,
Looks like he didn't pull through.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 27 Aug 12 - 12:38 AM

I remember the parody as:

I'm eating food for health
because it's so nutritious
though I hate all the dishes
I'm eating food for health

Blackstrap molasses pie
spinach and yogurt dressing
though it may be depressing
I'm eating food for health

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,sunn_dog
Date: 05 Sep 12 - 12:36 AM

WAR

Ok from memory, so don't crucify me.

WAR (sung to to the tune of More)

War helps to keep the population down.
War means less people in a crowded town.
War let's us try out new artillery.
War gives our soldiers foreign trips for free.

War helps the USO.
Yes, War brings a Bob Hope show.
Yes, War gives us lots enjoyment
And it cuts down unemployment.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,icky mickey
Date: 07 Sep 12 - 03:05 PM

Ted Kennedy campaign song circa 1972

Sung to "Pop Goes The Weasel"

In '69 he led the polls
It looked like he was ready
In '69 it looked good and then
oops there goes Teddy

Each time he shows the Kennedy style
and people think he's ready
Each time it looks like he's the one
oops there goes Teddy

George Wallace, same year:

Sung to "Oh Susanna"

Well he comes from Alabama like he did in '68
And with good luck this year he might
just carry his home state

Well he travels all about the land
making his attacks
we've got a funny felling that
he won't appeal to blacks

Oh George Wallace
show us how you can fight
if you get in one things for sure
you'll keep the White House white

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,I'LL TAKE MANHATTEN
Date: 22 Sep 12 - 03:18 PM

Does anyone know the words to I'LL CONQUER RUSSIA, the Napoleon parody from Mad Magazine?

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Sep 12 - 08:09 AM

BATTLE HYMN OF THE REPULICANS
Mine eyes have seen the horror of the coming of the Reds
they are tearing up Old Glory into sixty million shreds
they are spying from our closets they are hiding neath our beds
lets fight until they're gone...
Glory Glory Hallelujah (3x)
Lets fight until they're gone

They are peeping in my windows late at night when I watch Paar
I have seen them in the glove compartment of my family car
they are hiding in the treetops, they control the D.A.R.
lets fight until they're gone...
Glory Glory Hallelujah (3x)
Lets fight until they're gone



THERES A RUMBLE DOWN NEXT STREET
Grab your new brass knuckles and bat, wear your new black leather jacket
you're in for a treat, theres a rumble down next street
can't you hear the heads go 'splat'? boy they sure do make a racket
crazy, man lets meet, at the rumble down next street
be sure you got your switch blade, and that new zip gun you made
because by the time you get there, it oughta, be slaughter
if you follow my advice you will surely end up fella
fried in that hot seat, from the rumble down next street.

(I was only 5 and illiterate when these were published, so please forgive if my memory fails. My brothers would read them and we'd sing them together. ;)

Subject: It's A Grand Old Flag
From: GUEST,Billben Der
Date: 26 Sep 12 - 11:42 AM

Here's how I remember: "It's A Grand Old Flag"

It's a grand old bag, it's a ???? plastic bag
and we find them on all of our clothes.
Oh a kid can play the live-long day
with them everywhere that he goes.
They are much more fun
than a doll or a gun,
you can wave them around like flags.
But should old acquaintance be forgot,
keep your head out of plastic bags!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Bilben Der
Date: 26 Sep 12 - 11:44 AM

ooops...forgot to replace the ??? I had used while I recollected... :)


Here's how I remember: "It's A Grand Old Flag"

It's a grand old bag, it's a nice plastic bag
and we find them on all of our clothes.
Oh a kid can play the live-long day
with them everywhere that he goes.
They are much more fun
than a doll or a gun,
you can wave them around like flags.
But should old acquaintance be forgot,
keep your head out of plastic bags!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 14 Nov 12 - 02:52 PM

Amoeba- just look at the pretty amoeba- contentedly it sits,then suddenly it splits...in two!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,LeeQ
Date: 01 Dec 12 - 04:22 PM

I remember a particular parody of Chesterfield cigarettes back in the 60's.

It featured a "bum" looking for a cigarette butt.They changed the name to Chesterfind.

Lyrics:

Hustlin' handouts, guzzlin' cheap wine
Stoppin' people, askin' for a dime
Staggering and reeling you will find a man
Who stoops to find great pleasure when and where he can
Chesterfind!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 27 Dec 12 - 09:11 PM

"Oh little town of Washington" starts,

Oh! Little town of Washington,
We hear no Agnew speech. . .

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Guest:john
Date: 28 Dec 12 - 11:40 PM

Entire "Watchdog in the Night".

Watchdog in the night, I never chained you,
Watchdog in the night, I always trained you,
To protect my house, until the night was through.

Then those burglars came, you didn't mind it,
They were after loot, you helped them find it,
Diamond rings and furs, you quickly led them to.

Watchdog in the night, a stupid beagle you were,
Watchdog in the night, and later on when I returned to my poor home,
How your jaws did foam,
You became a snapping dog, a crazy fearless yapping dog,

Whenever I'm sight, it's so upsetting,
Every time you bite, it's me you're getting,
Now you're full of fight, my watchdog in the night.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Flawn
Date: 05 Jan 13 - 11:42 PM

To the tune of "stout-hearted men":

Give me some men who are post office men
Who work hard to deliver the mail
Men who will go through the rain, through the snow
Through the sleet, through the slush through the hail!

Doorway to doorway, it's my way, it's your way
We work, never shirk, never fail
And when there's no more mailbags to keep us on the street
Then post office men can go home and soak their feet!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies: No stories like Poe
From: GUEST,Koro Neil
Date: 17 Jan 13 - 09:16 PM

Stretching my memory back over decades -

There's no stories like Poe stories, like no stories I know.
If you want a tale that is appalling,
If you want to murmur, shriek and cry,
If you want a tale with bodies falling, and spirits calling,
Then Poe's your guy.
There's no stories like Poe stories, they all fill us with woe.
If you want a tale that's filled with death galore,
With spirits tapping on your door,
And some crazy raven shouting "Never more!"
There's no stories like Poe.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,malbuff
Date: 22 Jan 13 - 04:26 PM

"I wandered lonely as a clod,
Just picking up old rags and bottles;
When onward on my way I trod,
I saw a host of axolotls.
Beside the lake, beneath the trees
A sight to make a man's blood freeze.
Some had handles, some were plain;
They came in blue, red, pink and green.
Some were orange in the main--
The damnedest sight I've ever seen.
The females gave a spritely glance,
The male ones all wore knee-length pants."


The second, and concluding, verse ran thus:

Now oft, when on the couch I lie
The doctor asks me what I see;
They flash upon my inward eye,
And make me laugh with fiendish glee.
I find my solace then in bottles,
And I forget them axolotls.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Wash
Date: 01 Feb 13 - 10:07 AM

I could work at General Motors

or McDonalds taking orders

If I only had a brain...

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Guest, Andy
Date: 07 Apr 13 - 02:58 PM

I remember a few of these from Mad magazine.

"Downtown" with apologies to Petula Clark

When you hate meat but hate the meat that you're eating the. You've surely got "Ground round"

It's so unnerving when they're constantly serving in an eating spot, "Ground round"
It may be called a chopped steak, Salisbury or beef patty,
No matter what it is it's always overcooked and fatty.
What can you do?
Shout out to your waiter there, and loudly pound on the table, stand up on your chair and shout, " ground round!"
You're always serving me
"Ground round"
Why must it always be
"Ground round"
You're always serving me
G
"Ground round, ground round, ground round......

I'm not sure about all the lyrics, but they are close....

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: clueless don
Date: 08 Apr 13 - 08:55 AM

When you eat meat
but hate the meat that you're eating
you have surely got ...
Ground Round!

It's so unnerving
when they're constantly serving
in an eating spot ...
Ground Round!

It may be called a chopped steak
Salisbury or beef patty
No matter what it's called
it's always overcooked and fatty
What can you do?

Call out to your waiter there
beat down on your table
stand up on your chair
and say

Ground Round!
piled on my plate I see
Ground Round!
you're always conning me
Ground Round!
why does it have to be
Ground Round
Ground Round
[fade out]

Written down from memory. There may be some mistakes.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 21 Apr 13 - 05:14 PM

How I would like to have all the lyrics to "Tea for Two!" The only additional lyrics I recall are:
"Weekends we
Will go to see
What used to be
Schenectady..."

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Fred Maslan
Date: 21 Apr 13 - 06:22 PM

That is why I started this thread, thanks for the addition.
Fred

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 21 Apr 13 - 11:18 PM

Re Pivnick Tech

Here's the small piece I remember

What though the odds they be great or small
Old Pivnick Tech will fumble the ball
While her undergrads get sick
And transfer to USC!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Greven
Date: 06 May 13 - 03:17 AM

I'm also one of the baby boomers who loved mad magazine.
I still remember a few fragments such as Poe's the raven
I think that I shall never hear
a raven who is more sincere
that that one knocking on my door
who's always saying never more
A raven who I must assume
will dirty up my living room.

The Christmas songs in the hospital
for the criminally insane topped by
Deck the halls with parts of molly.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Koro Neil
Date: 07 May 13 - 12:11 AM

Casting my memory back over 40 years or so, I come up with:

There's no stories like Poe stories,
Like no stories I know.
If you want a tale that is appalling,
If you want to murmur, shriek and cry,
If you want a tale with bodies falling,
And spirits calling, then Poe's your guy.
There's no stories like Poe stories,
They all fill us with woe.
If you want a tale that's filled with death galore,
With spirits tapping on your door,
And some crazy raven shouting, "Nevermore!"
There's no stories like Poe.

Probably a few errors in details, but that's it in essence.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Koro Neil
Date: 07 May 13 - 12:13 AM

Oops. Double up. I did a search on the page before my last post, but it didn't show up my earlier post.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Allenhopkins
Date: 24 May 13 - 06:10 PM

Some remembered:

In Levittown did Irving Kahn, a stately Cape Cod house decree,
Where Alf, the sacred Neuman dwelt
And Nick Fazool, and Olaf Svelt,
And even Sean Magee.

There fifty feet of crab-grass ground, with picket fence were girdled round,
A place for little Milt to play,
A port for Irving's Chevrolet.

But just one thing is not the very best;
You can't tell Irving's house from all the rest.

And one of the Pivnik Tech songs (to "On, Wisconsin"):

On brave Pivnik, on brave Pivnik, show them you've got spunk!
Suffocate them, decimate them, leave them all for junk!
Send a roar up, roll the score up, stomp them into mud --
And then clean up the mess with their own blood!

The garbage men's song (to "Anchors Aweigh"):

Trash cans away, my boys, trash cans away!
Let's really make some noise,
Let's wake them up today-ay-ay-ay;

Eggshells and coffee grounds, grease from the pan,
Can't make ear-splitting sounds,
So dump the garbage, dump the garbage can!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Tom
Date: 16 Jun 13 - 08:21 AM

Sung to the tune of "Born Free":

M G
I live just to touch you
When I double clutch you
MG, it gives me a thrill

M G
I love your ignition
Your four speed transmission
Your points your plugs and your grill

M G
I'll wash you and wax you
If some Chevy smacks you
I'll die, M G

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Tom
Date: 16 Jun 13 - 08:36 AM

Sorry but forgot a stanza in my post above, I think I have it correct here ...

Sung to the tune of "Born Free":

M-G
I live just to touch you
When I double clutch you
MG, it gives me a thrill

M-G
I love your ignition
Your four speed transmission
Your points, your plugs and your grill

M-G
When I look inside you
The sight of each piston rod
Brings me closer to God

M-G
I'll wash you and wax you
If some Chevy smacks you
I'll die .. M .. G

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Jun 13 - 06:10 PM

the complete Pivnik Tech lyrics, to the best of my memory:

Pray, pray for old Pivnik Tech
We're gonna get it right in the neck
Send the sound of taps on high
As our whole team lays down to die

What though the odds may be great or small
Old Pivik Tech will fumble the ball
While our undergrads get sick
And transfer to USC

On another note, does anyone have the compete version of this Mad
parody of The Road to Mandalay, which contains the following:

On the road to Loueyville
Where the hoodlums shoot to kill
And the thugs come up like thunder
When you owe the mob a bill

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies "Tea for Two"
From: GUEST,lifelonghuman
Date: 16 Jul 13 - 12:00 PM

No friends or relations,
On weekend vacations,...

On week...ends...we...can go...and see,
What used...to be...Schenec...tady, ...

[those ... are musical rests]

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,paladin1216
Date: 24 Sep 13 - 11:07 AM

This is from memory. I hope it's right.

She's a Mean Old Bag

To the tune of "Grand old Flag"

She's a mean old bag, she's a nasty old hag,
And forever she's filled us with hate.

But we treat her sweet, and kiss her feet,
And tell het we think that she's great.

She may curse at us, we will not raise a fuss,
When she starts in to scream and nag,

For we all are counting what we'll get,
From the will of that mean old bag.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Nutty Sister
Date: 04 Oct 13 - 02:37 PM

I'm "trying to remember" that campaign song for Alfred E. Neuman.

This is what I have (thanks to those who posted some verses!)

To the tune of "Try to Remember"

Try to remember this coming
to vote for Neuman, vote for Neuman
Change your direction, don't look for perfection
and vote for Neuman, vote for Neuman.

Alfred E. Neuman, though slightly sub-human
will win just like Truman did from Missouri.
Back today and the country can say "What, Me Worry?"

Kennedy voters and Nixon promoters
will vote for Neuman, vote for Neuman.
Humphrey crusaders and Lindsay paraders
will vote for Neuman, vote for Neuman.

Alfred E. Neuman, with brain of albumen
will win just like Truman did from Missouri.
Back and then we can say once again "What, Me Worry?"

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Nuttier Sister
Date: 04 Oct 13 - 05:17 PM

And, since our beloved candidate is immortal, we can adapt our song for any election. For instance a year ago we could have been singing:

To the tune of "Try to Remember"

Hillary voters, Obama promoters
will vote for Neuman, vote for Neuman.
Romney crusaders and Gingrich paraders
will vote for Neuman, vote for Neuman.

Alfred E. Neuman, with brain of albumen
will win just like Truman did from Missouri.
Back him and then we can say once again "What, Me Worry?


Let's see what happens in 2016. I sure I'll be sending a write-in ballad for Alfred!!!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Sheld'n
Date: 14 Dec 13 - 10:43 PM

Ring, ring for Bell Telephone
We look up numbers when they're unknown
We place calls for V.I.P.s
We listen in each time we please

We are efficient, we are alert
We hear the gossip, pick up the dirt
Every time a call's cut off we
Hang up for victory!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Sheld'n
Date: 14 Dec 13 - 10:47 PM

The above is to the tune of the "Notre Dame fight song".

Subject: Oh goodness, oh gracious, oh golly, oh gee . . .
From: GUEST,demfig
Date: 24 Dec 13 - 10:51 PM

Trying to locate a Christmas poem published in Mad Magazine in late 50s or early 60s. It began, "Oh goodness, oh gracious oh golly, oh gee; I wonder what all the commotion can be?; someone is shouting and cursing at me; why, Santa is stuck in our chimney . . ." Can anyone help with additional verses?

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Zingdar
Date: 31 Mar 14 - 10:29 AM

God bless the BOYS that made the NOISE
at MAD Magazine !

To the tune of "Kisses sweeter then wine"


Well, when I was a young man I had me no car,
So I always stayed home, I never went far.
I had me no wheels, no gas in the tank,
In fact all I really had was dough in the bank.

Oh, oh, money that was all mine,
Oh, oh, money that was all mine.

Well, I met a dealer and I showed him my cash,
He said, 'My friend, what you need is a '52 Nash.
The contract I signed was to drive me to tears,
It called for low easy payments
for the next hundred years.

Oh, oh, money no longer mine,
Oh, oh, money no longer mine.

Well, I don't like to protest, I'm just not that kind,
But when my grounds for complaint are so easy to find.
License and tax are outrageously high,
And when you go to insure, kiss your savings 'Go Bye'.

Oh, oh, money used to be mine,
Oh, oh, money used to be mine.

Well, I've heard it proclaimed,
though I'm not really sure.
That there's a Federal Program,
To help out the poor.
I don't ask for food or the Job-Training-Corp,
Just cash to make a dozen payments or more.

Oh, oh, money rightfully mine,
Oh, oh, money rightfully mine.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Stringbead
Date: 29 May 14 - 10:29 AM

Does anyone remember the parody song about Huntley and Brinkley? I remember parts of it. To the tune of Frankie and Johnnie.

Huntley and Brinkley were partners working for old NBC
They swore they would stick with each other every weekday on TV
Chet was Dave's pal, but he was doing him wrong.

At the end it was something like this:

Brinkley walked into the station and golly he pretty near died
Cause there in the newsroom was Huntley with Eric Severeid
Chet was Dave's pal, but he was doing him wrong.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Sleight0fHand
Date: 03 Jun 14 - 12:00 PM

I still remember a good bit of a parody of the Gunga Din poem but about Joe Namath...

You can talk about your guards,
And your fullbacks gaining yards.
And those ends that run the hook and down-and-out.
But when it comes to glory, then the quarterback's your story.
Cause it's him the fans all want to read about.

Now there's .... and Johny U, Bart Starr and ..... too,
And Fran Tarkington, who scrambles for his dough.
But of those that pass the ball,
It seems the coolest of them all,
Is that hero of the Jets team, Broadway Joe.

For it's "Joe!, Joe!, Joe!", a blonde is waving in the seventh row.
All the grandstands will be shaking,
With the passes you'll be making.
And we don't mean playing football, Broadway Joe.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 12 Jun 14 - 11:35 PM

Sung to the tune "Red river valley".......

In this valley they say they are digging
They are building a thruway they say
It will cross your yard and will miss
Your split level which is twelve feet away

Do not play by the craters they're digging
For the craters are big and they're deep
If you fall into one you'll be buried
And you really don't need all that sleep

Do not touch all the funny explosives
Do not play with the dynamite cap
If you do you'll be like a thruway
You'll be spread all over the map.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Torka
Date: 17 Jul 14 - 04:07 PM

From the same "Songs About Food" issue mentioned previously...

HELLO, DELI
(to the tune of "Hello, Dolly")

Hello, deli...
This is Joe, deli...
Would you please send up some nice corned beef on rye?
A box of Ritz, deli;
And some Schlitz, deli;
Some chopped liver, and a sliver of your apple pie?
Turkey legs, deli;
Hard boiled eggs, deli;
Some tomatoes and potatoes you french fry,
Oh!
Please don't be late, deli!
Cause I can't wait, deli!
Deli, without breakfast I will die!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,idseer
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 04:57 PM

ok, there was one from the 60's about Khrushchev sung to the tune "maria" from westside story. all I remember is:

nikita .... I just met a red named mikita

I know it's not much, but does anyone have access to the whole thing?

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Guest Atimk11123
Date: 10 Oct 14 - 01:27 PM

I also remember a Mad Magazine parody on a poem. It went ,
I remember I remember the place where I was born
The little bathroom down the hall
where nineteen raced each morn

The rest I cannot remember of find a copy. It was a hoot.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,JonWiz
Date: 04 Apr 15 - 10:01 PM

I remember only the first stanza of a parody of "The Killing od Dan Megrew"
   A bunch of the boys were whooping it up,
   one Christmas Eve one year,
   all full of cheap whiskey and hoping like hell,
   that Saint Nick would soon appear.
   
    Can't remember the rest, could someone help finish the rest?

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Ship2shore
Date: 20 Apr 15 - 09:34 AM

Another funny blast from the past courtesy of the zany minds of Mad Magazine.

To the tune of "Frosty the Snowman" -

Harry the mailman brings us letters soaked with rain.
Jams the box so full that the mail is crushed
and then laughs when we complain.

Charlie the milkman is the biggest slob in town
Seldom leaves the quarts that we've asked him for,
when he does, they're upside-down.

Eleven months through-out the year, they're as lousy as can be.
But starting in December, they show great efficiency.
Then Charlie and Harry really show they're full of zip!
And they'll work that way every doggone day,
Til they get their Christmas tip!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Ship2shore
Date: 20 Apr 15 - 09:44 AM

How the heck does one remember something from almost 50 years ago?? I think as kids, we treasured the hilarity and wittiness of both the words and the accompanying artwork, and set to music, it somehow remains intact. Can still visualize some of the funny art, too. I recall one more to share:

To the tune of the "Notre Dame Fight Song"

Cheer, cheer for our charge accounts.
We run up bills in mammoth amounts.
Freezers, sports cars, TV sets.
Each one keeps bringing brand new debts.
What though the bills be great or small?
We can't pay one, so why pay at all?
We will live in comfort while we're heading towards bankruptcy!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Old galoot
Date: 27 Apr 15 - 03:55 PM

Our kid's away, thank God
Our kid's away!
We've sent him off to ca-amp
At fifty bu-ucks a da-ay!
Though that's a lot to pay
We'll make no fuss!
If we complain then they might
Send him back, send him back, to uh-usss!

Sung to Anchors Aweigh. Sound familiar to anyone?

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 25 May 15 - 08:30 PM

TO A SMOKER, IT'S A KENT

To an ulcer, it's a shot of booze
to a weak heart, it's some shocking news,
to a deep cut, it could be gangrene,
to a smoker, nicotine.

To a sheriff, it's a top gun shot,
to a rustler, it's a hangman's knot,
to a cowboy, it's a wild stampede,
to a smoker, it's a weed.

To a bigot, it's a Jew next door,
to a klansman, it's a guy from CORE,
??

To a stroller, it's central park,

???

Anybody know the rest?

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Bill
Date: 07 Sep 15 - 01:47 PM

Adding to the "No Monsters Like Pro Monsters," I seem to recall a lyric that went something like:

(Something about being) ...a normal slob,
You've got a wife and kid and a steady job,
You drink a magic potion, and you're now the Blob....

And that's all I recall.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 08 Sep 15 - 10:48 PM

In the dark they're aglowing,
It's another way of knowing,
That I'm nothing but a square.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,guest
Date: 25 Sep 15 - 01:21 PM

Back to West Side Story... MAD did indeed do a parody on it. I can only remember a few lines sung to the tune "Maria" titled "Amoeba"
Amoeba...I just met a blob named Amoeba,
----
Chorus: Amoeba..how your two cells do split into four cells.
       And those four cells will split into more cells.
       Amoeba,...I just met a blob named Amoeba.
On a side note, Mad did a version sung to the tune of Bridge over the River Kwai called Comet.
   Comet..It makes your mouth turn green. Comet..It tastes like   
    kerosene. Comet, It makes you vomit...so eat some Comet, and
      vomit, today.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,rll_sb
Date: 18 Nov 15 - 02:11 PM

A little nest that nestled where the H bombs boom

You'll see a smiling face without a trace of coming doom.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: keberoxu
Date: 18 Nov 15 - 06:13 PM

I remember some of these!


"Oh What a Beautiful Morning" must have been popular for parodies, because I recall the DENTIST'S LOVE SONG or some such title:

There's a bright golden cap on your cuspid
There's a bright golden cap on your cuspid
The gold glitters down from the bridgework above
One filling is loose and I'm falling in love

Oh What a Terrible MO-LAR
See how the cavity's grown
I'll put my heart in my drilling
If you will call me your own

You can tell that the novocaine's working
You can tell that the novocaine's working
Your feeling is gone from your chin to your ear
Your tongue's getting numb and I worship you dear

Oh What a Glorious FEE-LING
And though my love you now spurn
Darling your heart I'll be winning
When in six months you return

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: clueless don
Date: 19 Nov 15 - 08:38 AM

I've lost track of whether this has been mentioned before, but Mad did a take-off on West Side Story, called "East Side Story" - it was about the United Nations (whose headquarters are on New York's East side?)

One song (to the tune of "There's a Place for Us") was sung by Chairman Mao, asking to be admitted to the UN. One verse went something like

Please be sweet to us
and give a seat to us.
Let us in and such joy you'll get
like we gave
Tibet.

Don

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Ebor Fiddler
Date: 20 Nov 15 - 08:42 AM

I remember fondly the non-parody of The Wreck of the Hesperus, with fiendishly comical illustrations, such as "billows NOT pillows!" The rest is best left to the imagination.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Montreal88
Date: 22 Nov 15 - 11:12 PM

(Tune of "Stranger in Paradise")

Let's play cards
I'm no good with a pair o' dice.

There was another song to the tune of "Isle of Capri" with a line:
I found her there
On a pile of debris.

Remember the "Mad Beastlies"? One had a drawing of two native Indians with brooms on top of a huge 2-headed man. The quote read: "Braves Sweep Giant Doubleheader".

Movie and TV parodies I remember:
"201 Minutes of a Space Idiocy"
"The Man from A.U.N.T.I.E."
"Voyage to See What's On the Bottom" (Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea)
"Loused Up in Space" (Lost in Space)
I think there was also "The Sound of Money".

And my all-time favorite parody of pro sports:
"43-man Squamish"

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: clueless don
Date: 23 Nov 15 - 09:06 AM

"My Fair Ad-Man"
"Star Blecch"

and on. and on.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Anita
Date: 23 Nov 15 - 06:16 PM

Does anyone remember the parody of Gunga Din? It was probably from the late 70s/early 80s...?? It was fro an article called "Mad Takes on The Classics" Or something like that. All I remember is the beginning:

Oh, you can talk of blood and gore
If your in a shooting war,
and the enemy is rushing for the kill.

But if you're' wanting slaughter,
Then you ought to haul some water,
Like that brave and fearless couple,
Jack and Jill.

Poor Jack and Jill,
They went rushing up that hill,
And nary one thought they'd loose their life!

..and the ending,
You're a braver man than I am,
Jack and Jill!!!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,A Guy From Baltimore
Date: 01 Dec 15 - 04:43 PM

Did a Google search for Mad song parodies, as I grew up reading the book collections (such as "Sing Along With Mad" and "Mad About Verse." I remember one of the military anthems in full:

(Marine Corps Hymn)
From the neck-high mud of fo-ox holes
To malaria-filled bogs
We will march for ninety miles a day
And drop out and die like dogs

We will land on mine-strewn beaches
And we'll live with snakes and fleas
Then we'll all leave Parris Island for
Restful combat overseas!

and part of the Air Force hymn...
Off we go, into the barracks yonder,
Pulling an inspection again...
Roar right in, just like a clap of thunder
Scare the hell out of the men!

To the tune of "Aquarius" (from the musical "Hair")
When the sun is blotted out of sight
And both your eyes begin to burn
And you can't see the freeway
To make
That left hand turn
You know you're driving in the
Smog of Los Angeles!
Smog of Los Angeles!
Los Angeleeeees!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Bob johns
Date: 14 Dec 15 - 12:17 PM

Watchdog in the night (Song to the tune of Strangers In The Night)

Watchdog in the night
I've never chained you
Watchdog in the night
I've always trained you
To proctor my house, until the night was through

Watchdog in the night
A stupid beagle you were
Watchdog in the night

And when those burglars came
You didn't mind it
They were after loot
You helped them find it
Diamonds, rings and furs
You quickly led them to

Watchdog in the night
A stupid beagle you were
Watchdog in the night

And later on when I returned to my poor home
How you jaws did foam
You became a snapping dog
A wild and fearless yapping dog
And ever since that night
It's so upsetting
Every time you bite
It's me your getting
It turned out so right
For watchdog in the night

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies - Poe Business
From: GUEST,Suzanne, Australia
Date: 19 Jan 16 - 02:46 AM

It's the 19th January 2016 today
and the 207th birthday of Edgar Allan Poe (1809 - 1849)

I remembered a fantastic parody I copied from Mad Magazine. My choir friends and I loved to sing this in the late 1960s

Thank you so much to Neil Koro for his posts in January and May 2013.
You and Mudcat have made my day
You helped fill in the gaps for me, so between us, this is what I have come up with. I hope you like it.


"There's no business like Poe Business"
(to the tune "There's no business like show business")

There's no business like Poe business ,
Like no business I know.
If you want a tale that is appalling,
If you want to murmur, shriek and cry,
If you want to hear strange bodies falling,
And spirits calling, then Poe's your guy.

There's no stories like Poe stories ,
They all fill us with woe.
If you want a tale that's filled with death galore,
With spirits tapping upon your door,
And some crazy raven shrieking, "Nevermore!"
There's no business like Poe.


Hollywood is constantly looking for new ideas or producing endless sequels (or prequels)
But now that there are so many special effects available,
perhaps now would be an excellent time to resurrect Poe's stories and restore him to greatness.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Tune of the Marine Corps Hymn
Date: 17 Feb 16 - 11:44 PM

From the halls of old ROTC
To the rooms at OCS
We are taught that all enlisted men
Have to live in great distress.

So, we badger and annoy them
With our chores both cruel and mean,
And instead of fighting battles
They are cleaning up latrines.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,To the tune of the Air Force Song
Date: 17 Feb 16 - 11:56 PM

Off we go into the barracks yonder,
Pulling an inspection again.
Roar right in just like a clap of thunder
Scare the hell out of the men.

Gig 'em all, this is no time to blunder
Get KPs like never before.
We live to harass the enlisted class.
Nothing can stop the Chicken Brass Corps.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,SGKingdom
Date: 07 May 16 - 01:52 PM

The WW3 aftermath songs were my favorites.
Thanks for the "Street Where You Live"

Here's "My Blue Shelter"
"Whenever I hear
A bomb threat is near
I hurry to my blue shelter
A hole in the floor
A six inch lead door
Will lead you to my blue shelter

You'll see a smiling face
Without a trace of coming doom
A little nest that's nestled where
The H bombs boom

Just Molly and me
Let's see, that makes three
We're happy in my blue shelter"

I never understood that last part, but when I was younger, it was hilarious.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Bill_R
Date: 10 May 16 - 11:12 PM

The Monopoly song was part of the "fight songs for lesser school teams" (along with the bridge team song). The whole lyric, IIRC:

To the tune of the Marines' Hymn:

From the slums of Baltic Avenue
'Round Boardwalk and Park Place
We will buy up all the prop-er-ties
Build hotels on every space.
We will drive our foes to bank-rup-tcy
If they fail to pay the price…
But we cannot even start the game
'Till somebody finds the dice.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,skylarkbc
Date: 13 May 16 - 01:19 AM

Still in the memory banks:
Melvin, Norman and Fred one night
sailed off in a garbage scow
Sailed down a river of floating blight
with coffee grounds on the prow
Stuff that's rotten and ripe have we
Said Melvin, Norman and Fred.

The Coast Guard scowled and searched the three
as they rocked in the garbage scow
they found smuggled guns in kegs marked 'tea'
and contraband in the prow
We wonder who could have put that stuff there,
surely it wasn't we
So whimpered aloud the smugglers three
Melvin, Norman and Fred

Melvin and Fred are in Leavenworth
and Norman's on the Rock
The garbage scow has a lovely berth
in custody at the dock
Melvin's due out in '64 and Fred in '73
Norman he tried to go over the wall
but a guard he happened to see
and that was the end of one-third of the three
Melvin, [deceased] and Fred

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 19 May 16 - 04:23 PM

oH YOU DONT HAVE TO WORRY IF YOUR COMPLEXION IS GOOD WHEN YOU'RE OUT TO TERRORIZE THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
aND YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY IF YOU'LL BE HOME SOON WHEN YOU LIVE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BLACK LAGOON.

iNCOMPLETE FRAGMENTS OF SUPERNATURALLY FROM MANNY GET YOUR GHOUL, BASED LOOSELY ON ANNIE GET YOUR GUN

iDA TARBELL
[e-mail]

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Aug 16 - 10:52 AM

A couple I remember from back at least 40-50 years ago:

The Langscaper's Song.
(sung to the tune of The Marine Song)

From the ants in our petunia beds
To the crabgrass on our lawns
We will fight them off with chemicals
'Til the bugs and weeds are gone.

We'll use quarts and quarts of poison sprays
And we won't stop 'til we're through
All the bugs and weeds are dying now
But the plants and trees are too.


The Mafia Song:
(Battle Hymn of the Republic)

Mine eyes have sen the gory of the coming of the mob
With an ice pick or a .45 they knock off every slob
The Don gives all the orders for each big or little job
Godfather marches on.

Gory, gory how they slew ya
Gory, gory how they slew ya
Gory, gory how they slew ya
Godfather marches on.

When the boss puts out a contract in your head they'll make a dent
Then they'll wrap you in an overcoat that's made of cement
On the bottom of the river, you'll become a reseden
Godfather marches on.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,itsy
Date: 15 Jan 17 - 01:04 PM

If anyone knows the rest of these lyrics:

I have often walked down your street before
but there once was pavement underneath my feet before.
Now when I walk by I see rubble fly, knowing I'm on the street where you live.

This must have been late 50's or early 60's during the cold war.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,newtonsmum
Date: 29 Mar 17 - 01:52 PM

Can anyone fill in the rest of this? All I can remember is:
(To the tune of My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean)

On Look there's a cop shooting tear gas
On Life there's a thug set to kill
A hate-group is pictured on Harper's
A young junkie's on Jack & Jill

That's how, that's how,
That's how you sell magazines today.
That's how, that's how, that's how you sell magazines


There was also a line about "a mad dog is on Field & Steam"

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Jim Belesky
Date: 10 May 17 - 11:54 PM

I was at an amateur folk event a couple of weeks ago. One act played Dylan's Blowing in the Wind. Afterwards, I looked online to see if anyone posted the version 'The Sponsors will sell you all they can'. Lines like
How many times must you gargle each day
Before you talk to a friend
The sponsors my friend, will sell you all they can
The sponsors will sell you all they can

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Iddo.Effie
Date: 05 Nov 17 - 12:25 PM

Some filler for GUEST,jesfine

From "College Fight songs we'd like to hear"
To the tune "Anchors Away":

On to the fray, my boys
On to the fray!
Kill those who block our path and
grind their bones to Clay!(clay, clay. clay)

We're mighty Pivnick men
stalwart and strong!
We'll beat the visitors
as soon as we conclude this modest song!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Donuel
Date: 07 Nov 17 - 06:42 PM

Who still has their record 'It's a Gas'?

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Neon Leon
Date: 11 Feb 18 - 09:43 PM

Casey at the Dice by Frank Jacobs

The table wasn't breaking for the Vegas crowd that night,
The house was up 12 thousand, with no change of luck in sight;
So, when Epstein came up snake-eyes and Spinelli missed his point,
A mood of deep depression could be felt throughout the joint.

The dollar-bettors, cleaned of cash, were heading for the door,
But all the big high-rollers stayed to even up the score;
They said: "If only Casey had a chance to roll the dice,
We'd have a chance to change our luck, which now is cold as ice."

Then, suddenly, their eyes lit up, a cry rose from their lips,
It echoed off the slot machines, it rattled off the chips;
It rumbled through the Black Jack games as cards were being dealt,
For Casey, lucky Casey, was advancing to the felt!

His nails were cleanly manicured, his face was richly tanned,
His suit was iridescent silk that cost him half a grand;
The cuff-links on his sheer batiste were rubies from afar,
Between his teeth he cooly smoked a ninety-cent cigar!

There was ease in Casey's manner as he calmly placed his bet,
His hands were steady as a rock, his palms were free of sweat;
The other shooters, now revived, together had one goal,
To place each C-note they had left on Casey and his roll!

With confidence and quiet pride he gripped the cubes of white,
Then, blowing on them softly, he prepared them for their flight;
"A seven, dice," he murmured, as he looked up to the sky,
And a hush went 'round the table as he raised his arm on high!

The cool is drained from Casey's face, his eyes are tense and keen
And all along his sun-drenched brow deep furrows can be seen;
And now he firmly hold the dice, and now he lets them go,
And now the air is shattered by the force of Casey's throw!

Oh, somewhere in this wealthy land there is a happy spot,
Where naturals are being rolled, and dice are running hot;
And somewhere men are doubling up and winners scream and shout,
But there is no joy in Vegas -- Lucky Casey has crapped out!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Guest mad reader
Date: 12 Jul 18 - 04:28 PM

I think the last few lines for "watchdog in the the night" go something like this:
    Whenever I'm in sight-
    it's so upsetting
    Every time you bite-
    it's me you're getting
    ooooh! ooooh! ooooh!
    my watchdog in the nighttt

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 14 Aug 18 - 12:43 AM

I'm searching Alfred E., for a classic from around(1960) the time between throwing lemons at cars and finally getting it wet. A dentist song to the tune of the Air Force song.
Off we go,Into the wild mouth yonder, looking for molars to fill. There's a tooth ready to feel out thunder, at em boy's, give em the dril..???/@#$%^&*()@@##DFDI'..................I've lost the middle part and that section of my brain, but
IF YOU REMEBER THE LAST STANZA OF THE AIR FORCE song, I guess it's a song
WHEN WE'RE IN DOUBT
WE PULL THEM OUT
OH' N0THING CAN STOP THE DENTISTS TODAY

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: EBarnacle
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 12:00 AM

In the years this thread has been running, there has been mention of some of the regular guest contributors, especially from the '50's but who can forget Tom Lehrer, whose every printed utterance was a glorious epic parody of entire generae without having to say "I'm writing something to the melody of X." Consider "The Wild West is where I want to be" and many others. I am glad he is still with us but regret his retirement.

Subject: RE: TO A SMOKER, IT'S A KENT
From: GUEST,GUEST
Date: 27 Nov 18 - 04:55 PM

To a sheriff, it's a top gun's shot,
to a rustler, it's a hangman's knot,
to a cowboy, it's a mad stampede,
to a smoker, it's a weed.

To a bigot, it's a Jew next door,
to a klansman, it's a guy from CORE,
to a bircher, it's a Commie nut,
to a smoker, it's a butt.

To a diver, it's a hungry shark,
to a stroller, it's a Central Park,
to a hunter, it's a wild stag,
to a smoker, it's a drag.

To an ulcer, it's a shot of booze,
to a weak heart, it's some shocking news,
to a deep cut, it could be gangrene,
to a smoker, nicotine.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Donuel
Date: 29 Nov 18 - 08:54 PM

GUESTGUEST Kent had a Micronite filter ( short for micronitroglycerin )

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Fred
Date: 08 Dec 18 - 01:32 PM

Off we go
Into the lunchroom yonder
Pushing girls, out of the way.
Forward boys,
Start moving down the counter,
Grab your grub, fill up your tray.
Try the beans, they were prepared last Friday,
And the meat's tough as a mule.
The soup is cold
The bread's got mold
Yech! Anything beats the lunchroom at our school.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Fred
Date: 08 Dec 18 - 01:58 PM

Off we go
Into the lunchroom yonder
Pushing girls, out of the way.
Forward boys,
Start moving down the counter,
Grab your grub, fill up your tray.
Try the beans, they were prepared last Friday,
And the meat's tough as a mule.
The soup is cold
The bread's got mold
Yech! Anything beats the lunchroom at our school.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: robomatic
Date: 08 Dec 18 - 08:16 PM

No song but when I was in high school I got to visit the Soviet Union. For my onflight reading I took a copy of MAD magazine where they were skewering the movie version of "Catch-22". The magazine cover was a big headed Alfred E. Neuman in WWII flight gear smiling his inimitable grin. Got some interesting double takes going through Soviet Customs!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Guest67
Date: 21 Dec 18 - 12:31 PM

When I was about 10, my friend and I would sing Mad Magazine parodies for my dad. He would laugh until his stomach hurt, his face was red, and he had to take off his glasses and wipe his eyes between bellows of laughter. I remember several, my favorite being this one. Here's most of it, sung to the tune of "Love is Blue:

News, News, It's time for News
Cronkite is here, so what can you lose?
News, News, World leaders' views
Brezhnev, and Mao, and George Pompidou

(Line I can't remember--can anyone help?
(Line I can't remember--can anyone help?
News, News, Domestic News,
News of the Mob, that you can't refuse

When we're through
And the world's picked clean,
Sevareid will explain what you've seen!

Bought the Mad Magazine Anniversary book and was disappointed to see that the song lyrics didn't make it. They probably had no idea how many people loved them and still remember them. In my case, it's been around 45 years, and I'm missing two lines.
Funny what sticks with you. I can't remember where I've put my phone or car keys, but I remember the whole skit we laid out for my dad.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Donuel
Date: 24 Dec 18 - 08:43 AM

The first movie I saw and could retell was Attack of the 50 foot Woman.
This month the cover of Mad is Attack of the 50 ft Trump.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Dave
Date: 19 Feb 19 - 02:05 PM

Sung to the tune of "Button up your Overcoat"

Buckle up your helmet strap, hide behind a tree,
there's a riot again down at PS3.
Don't go near the picket line, that's no place to be,
they may fracture your skull down at PS3.
Beware of roughneck nuts, oooo,
switchblade cuts, oooo, trooper's mutts, oooo.
You'll get a bite in your tummy tum tum tum.
Keep away from flying rocks they bay break your knee.
Life at school nowadays is like world war 3.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Guest
Date: 08 Mar 19 - 02:04 AM

Huntley, Huntley on my screen,
Dullest newsman I have seen.
What infernal network plan,
Makes thee such a boring man?

Brinkley, Brinkley cute and bright,
Coining quips each weekday night,
x
x

x
x
Huntley, Brinkley I detest,
I'll get my news on CBS

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 28 Mar 19 - 10:42 AM

Guest: Wry Mouth

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Mrturk
Date: 04 Apr 19 - 02:39 PM

The way I remembered it:

There's a bright golden cloud in our backyeard,
There's the smell of charred beef in our backyard.
The scene may appear.
As an A-bomb dropped here,
But it's only our barbecue out in the rear,
Oh, what a beautiful beefsteak,
Oh, what a thick tenderloin.
Too bad my pop likes to cook out,
Burned to a crisp, it'll boin.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Mrturk
Date: 04 Apr 19 - 02:40 PM

Here's another verse:
Weekends we,
Would go and see,
What used to be,
Schenectady.
We'll shout with glee,
The thruway will be free.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Mrturk
Date: 04 Apr 19 - 02:47 PM

I read MAD from the late 50's to the mid 70's. I considered 'East Side Story' the best parody they ever did. Great lyrics and a good finish. The artwork had lots of little things in it. Songs included, 'Nikita, I just met a Red named Nikita'; 'Dear Commissar Khrushchev'.
Check out this line from their version of 'America':
"Life is a whiz in America,
Eddie met Liz in America,
Thought she was his in America,
Well, that's show biz in America.
You'll like the weather in Moscow,
If you like driving a snow plow."

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: clueless don
Date: 05 Apr 19 - 06:36 AM

From East Side Story:

Please be sweet to us
and give a seat to us ...

[This was Mao asking that Red China be admitted to the UN - sung to the tune of "There's a place for us".]

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Real Old Fan
Date: 24 Apr 19 - 06:09 PM

Jack and Jill

You can talk of blood'n gore when you're in a shooting war
And the enemy is charging for the hill -
But if you're liking slaughter,
Then you ought a haul some water,
Like that brave and fearless couple, Jack and Jill.

Well they had a pail to fill
When they climbed that craggy hill
And they never thought that soon they would be dead;
But Jack he too a fall and bounced just like a ball
Til he landed in a a gully on his head.

He hollered, "Jill, Jill, Jill!
I'm a lying at the bottom of the hill"
But poor Jill had plunged as well and they died right where they fell.
You've a lot more guts than I have, Jack and Jill.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Kosmo!
Date: 01 May 19 - 10:44 PM

Does anyone recall a song parody about a dive restaurant called "This Place" sung to the tune of This Train is Bound for Glory"...?

Here is some of what I remember:

This place got surly waiters, this place.
This place got surly waiters, this place.
This place got surly waiters, watery soups and half-baked 'taters,
This place to no one caters, this place.

I'm remembering this from almost 50 years ago and I think the issue would be older than that. Loved Mad!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Carle Place
Date: 11 May 19 - 11:30 PM

Sung to the tune of "Try to Remember" from The Fantasticks

Try to remember, this coming November, and vote for Neuman, vote for Neuman,

Change your direction, don't look for perfection, and vote for Neuman, vote for Neuman,

Alfred E. Neuman, with brains of albumin, will win just like Truman did from Missouri.

Back him today, and the country can say, "What me worry, worry, worry, worry, worry, worry".

Mad Magazine, June 1972 ?
(additional lyrics/details welcome)

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 01 Jul 19 - 07:27 PM

My Blue Shelter

A hole in the floor, a six inch lead door
We're happy in my blue shelter.

You'll see a smiling face with out a trace of coming doom
A little nest that's nestled where the H-bombs boom.

Just Molly and me, let's see that makes three.
We're happy in my blue shelter.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Rabbit Hole hopper
Date: 03 Jul 19 - 01:42 AM

From the slums of Baltic Avenue,
To the Boardwalk and Park Place,
We will buy up all the properties,
Build hotels on every space.
We will drive our folks to bankruptcy,
If they fail to pay our price,
But we cannot even start the game,
Until someone finds the dice!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Fred Maslan
Date: 05 Jul 19 - 03:06 PM

Latest news

MAD Magazine is ceasing publication.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 07 Jul 19 - 05:30 AM

school lunchroom song sung to the tune of off we go

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,GUEST
Date: 07 Jul 19 - 10:53 AM

In the fifties cars had fins and lots of chrome. MAD parodied that to the Marine Corps Hymn.

From the gaudy grills of Cadillac to the fins of Chevrolet,
We will push GM's new models and make obsolescence pay.
So to heck with Ford and Chrysler, boys,
And to sports cars from afar,
We won't stop 'til every family owns a brand new GM car!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 07 Jul 19 - 02:24 PM

Nice article about MAD publication.

Humorist "Weird Al Yankovic" gives a nod to the magazine leading him to his musical discovery of, " “I certainly went beyond Mad magazine to discover Spike Jones and Stan Freberg and Tom Lehrer, but it all started with Mad ..."

https://beta.washingtonpost.com/arts-entertainment/2019/07/04/mad-magazine-pioneer-modern-satire-will-soon-cease-publishing-new-content/?outputType=amp

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Oct 19 - 10:20 AM

These might be repeats, i didnt have time to read all of these comments, just found this page but had to contribute. THanks for sharing all of these! I loved these.

sung to: Off We Go Into The Wild Blue Yonder

Off we go into the lunch room yonder
pushing girls out of our way
Forward boys start moving down the counter
Grab your grub, fill up your tray.
Try the beans, they were prepared last Friday
and the meat's tough as a mule
The soup is cold,
The breads got mold, YECH!
anything beats our lunchroom at school.

Oh how I loved these parodies. I'm 63 and still have them in my head.

Sung to: As the Caissons Go Rolling Along

In a test
for a class
that we know we just cant pass,
see the goof offs go faking along
start to heave, fake a chill
anything so you'll look ill
as the goof offs go faking along
For its hi hi hoo
lets all fake the Asian flu
Shout out your symptoms loud and strong
Blah, Ech!
we will feel enthused
when the teacher says excused
as the goof offs go faking along.

Cant remember the actual tune of this one.
Cheat em all
cheat em all
in the springtime
the winter
and fall.
those Lincoln quotations
we hide in our fist
that Longfellow verse
written on our left wrist.
If you find,
that your mind cant recall,
the date when the Romans took Gaul,
a glance at your kneecap will help you recap
so why take a chance
Cheat em all!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: clueless don
Date: 04 Oct 19 - 06:17 AM

GUEST, the third of your parodies looks like it was sung to "Bless 'em All".

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Nov 19 - 05:49 PM

DOES ANYONE KNOW THE MAD LYRICS FOR XMAS SONG LET IT SNOW...
EG OH THE WEATHER OUTSIDE IS SNOWING
AND THE GARBAGE MEN AREN'T SHOWING......ETC

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Roland
Date: 22 Dec 19 - 06:51 AM

Some Mad "nursery rhymes" that have stuck with me all these years:

When Onassis goes broke,
and the H-bomb's a joke,
and bookies no longer take bets,
when bacon is kosher,
then Leo Durocher
will win seven straight from the Mets!
*
Twinkle, twinkle, man with star,
officer, don't tag my car!
Though it's double-parked and waits,
can't you see my M.D. plates?!
*
If wishes were horses, we'd all ride for free.
If Huntley were Cronkite, we'd watch NBC!

(to the tune of "The Caissons go marching along")
In a test
for a class
that we know
that we can't pass
see the goof-offs go faking along!

Start to heave,
fake a chill,
anything so's you'll look ill,
as the goof-offs go faking along!

For it's hi hi hoo,
we'll all fake the Asian flu!
Call out your symptoms loud and strong (blah! ecch!)
We will feel enthused
when the teacher says excused
as the goof-offs go faking along!

Ya gotta be ancient to appreciate these :)

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,missingjackcarney
Date: 04 Jan 20 - 08:11 PM

Here's the bad restaurant parody:
This place ain't got clean dishes, this place.
This place ain't got clean dishes, this place.
This place ain't got clean dishes, moldy breads and rancid fishes.
This place serves what it wishes, this place.

This place has surly waiters, this place.
This place has surly waiters, this place.
This place has surly waiters, watery soups and half-baked 'taters.
This place to no one caters, this place.

This place has two main courses, this place.
This place has two main courses, this place.
This place has two main courses, both of them with thick brown sauces camouflaging meat from horses, this place.

I also liked "Fat-Bellied Men" to the tune of "Stout-Hearted Men."

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,JohnH
Date: 08 Feb 20 - 03:53 PM

Pray, pray for old Pivnick Tech
We're gonna get it right in the neck!
Send the sound of Taps on high
as our whole team lays down to die!

What though the odds be great or small,
old Pivnick Tech will fumble the ball
while our undergrads get sick and transfer to USC.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Alleyshop
Date: 02 Apr 20 - 11:19 PM

Once upon a midnight causious
While I pondered weak and nauseous
Over advertising copy I had wrote for Macy's store
As I nodded nearly napping
Suddenly there came a yapping
As if someone softly yapping
Yapping at my office door
This some visitor, I muttered
Yapping at my office door
Only this and nothing more

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Donuel
Date: 06 Apr 20 - 02:49 PM

Make my grave in the Trump Hotel,
Not a lowly plain, or a lofty hill;
Put it at the end of the escaltor,
On the doorstep of the great imitator .

Engrave Trump lies around my grave.
Like Arlington make sure that I stay
His shadow above my silent tomb
Would make it a place of fear & gloom.

I could rest in the noise of Fifth Avenue
On my birthday you can have free barbecue.
Try to manage a shriek of wild despair
Like a million curses in NYC air.

I could not sleep if Trump went free
His dieing in prison is reason for glee
Such a cruel narcissist unfeeling beast
should be punished for his hateful beliefs.

Let my grave in the Trump Hotel help remind
how the US was fired, attacked by virus and died
One day Trump hotels will be demolished.
Maybe men like Trump will be abolished

I ask no monument, proud and high,
To arrest the gaze of the passers-by;
All that my yearning spirit craves,
Is bury me not in a land depraved.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 14 Apr 20 - 10:43 PM

Has anyone got "By the time i reach the kleenex.
based on 'by the time i get to phoenix?.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 17 Apr 20 - 09:58 PM

Who did

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 19 Apr 20 - 03:36 PM

Mort Drucker died last week in New York at the age of 91.

As a cartoonist he did over 260 of the televison and TV parodies.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Time to go buy a copy.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 19 Apr 20 - 03:41 PM

Yipes, forgot the obit.

Obit NY Times Drucker

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Brice
Date: 19 Apr 20 - 07:28 PM

I (something) a minute too late - maimed.
I cross the street and what is my fate? - Maimed
I'm always in the middle whenever there's a riot that's inflamed.
They make a mess galore of me,
They make a field of war of me,
Each day there's something more of me maimed.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Donuel
Date: 21 Apr 20 - 07:38 PM

Here is one in the spirit of Mad.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: haddocker
Date: 01 Jul 20 - 05:46 PM

I'm assuming you're a Marine.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Mark Loundy
Date: 06 Jul 20 - 03:01 PM

Sung to the tube of The Caisson Song (Over Hill, Over Dale...)

Over booze, over beer (can't remember)
As the barflies go yapping along

Football facts, baseball lore
We remember every score
As the barflies go yapping along

For it's "Hie hie hee!" when some rummies disagree
Shout out your answer loud and strong ("Says you!")

For we will prove our point, while we're busting up the joint
As the barflies go yapping along

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,David H Watson
Date: 14 Aug 20 - 07:14 AM

I can remember some of the rest of My Blue Shelter: (ref 04 Sep 08 - 01:30 PM)

Just a hole in the floor
A six inch thick lead door ...
Will lead you to my Blue Shelter

   (another verse)

You'll see a smiling face without a trace of coming doom
A little nest nestled where the H-bombs boom

Just Maggie(?) and me
Let's see that makes three
We're happy in my blue shelter

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Justin
Date: 21 Aug 20 - 12:37 PM

So happy I found this thread! Read through all 10 years of it! The idea to look up Mad parodies popped in my head after watching Hello Dolly on TV, and remembered bits of Hello Deli. Lo and behold, I found it here.

Does anyone remember one about geetting high or drunk that was sung to Skip To My Lou?

It went something like,

Sniff, sniff, go sniff some glue
You'll take off like a DC2...

There was something about Schlitz brew at the end too.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies -- Melvin, Norman and Fr
From: GUEST,Bob Rabinoff
Date: 21 Sep 20 - 12:34 AM

Justin -- I seem to remember a line like:
"We have come to search for a city dump
Where a thousand rats run free."

My late lady got me a DVD of the 1st 50 years of MAD, so I'll see what I can find.

Bob

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Gardog
Date: 10 Oct 20 - 09:36 PM

Re: Alcatraz, I remember a few more lines.

Alcatraz is calling!
Hear it shout through the gloom.
Your own special cell.
Your own racketeers.
Living together
for 99 years!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Joe
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 11:49 AM

(sung to the tune of "Maria" from West Side Story)

Amoeba! They call this grey blob an Amoeba!
It only has one cell, and yet it does quit well, it's true.
Amoeba! Just look at the crazy Amoeba!
Contentedly it sits, then suddenly it splits in two --
Amoeba! It's dividing again into four cells,
And these four cells will split into more cells.
Amoeba! Therer's nothing quit like the Amoeba!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Joe
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 11:58 AM

(sung to the tune of Frere Jacques)

Bad bad matches, bad bad matches,
I touched you. I touched you.
You mad quite a fire, there goes brother Meyer,
Toodle-oo! Toodle-oo!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Joe
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 12:18 PM

The "Blowin' in the Wind" parody went something like this:

How many times must a man spray with Ban
Before he doesn't offend?
Yes, and how many times must he gargle each day
Before he can talk to a friend?
Yes, and how many tubes of shampoo must he buy
Before his dandruff will end?
The sponsors my friend, will sell you all they can.
The sponsors will sell you all they can.

How many times must a man use Gilette
Before shaving won't make him bleed?
Yes, and how many cartons of Kents must he smoke
Before the girls all pay him heed?
Yes and how many products must one person buy
Before he'll have all that he'll need?
The sponsors my friend, will sell you all they can.
The sponsors will sell you all they can.

How many times must a gal clean her sink
Before Ajax scours out that stain?
Yes and how many times must she rub in Ben-Gay
Before she can rub out the pain?
Yes and how many ads on TV must we watch
Before we are driven insane?
The sponsors my friend, will broadcast all they can.
The sponsors will broadcast all they can.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Joe
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 12:24 PM

Paul Revere's famous ride (sung to the tune of "You Better Watch Out")

Oh, you better watch out
Before it's too late,
You better beware
I'm tellin' you straight --
British troops are coming to town.

They're wearin' white wigs,
They're wearin' red coats,
You better lie low
And burn all your notes --
British troops are coming to town.

Just watch that old church steeple,
That's my advice to you.
If it's by land you'll see one light,
If by sea then you'll see two.

Oh, they've got a big list
Of folks to be shot,
Depending if they are
Loyal or not --
British troops are coming to town!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Joe
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 12:49 PM

When I was teen and seven -- by A.E. Houseboat

When I was teen and seven,
I heard a salesman say:
"Give me your dimes and your dollars,
And I'll give this Nash away."
"Give me your watch and your keychain,
Then climb behind the wheel."
Well being teen and seven,
I quickly closed the deal.

When I was teen and seven,
I heard him say again,
"Trade that wreck for an Edsel!
Gain status among men!"
"Give me your Nash and fifty,
For years of driving fun!"
Well I'm still but teen and seven,
And the Edsel's ceased to run.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Joe
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 12:56 PM

Here is most of Frosty Reflections on a Snowy Evening --
by Robert Frostbite (a couple lines or so are missing near the end)

Whose Buick's this?
How should we know?
The keys are there,
Hop in, let's go!
We hear the village cops below,
They're closing in,
So leave us blow.
The night is dark,
The hour is late --
So speed right past that turnpike gate!
They may jot down the license plate,
But what care we?
It's not our crate!
This heap's got pick-up, man alive1
Cruises at ninety-five!
Power ash trays, all that jive!
????
But we've a zig-zag course to keep
To shake the cops before we sleep.
To shake the cops before we sleep.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 09 Nov 20 - 01:12 PM

song of hiawatha

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Ganfo
Date: 07 Dec 20 - 02:19 PM

The last lines of "I Wandered Lonely as a Clod"

Now oft, when on the couch I lie
The Doctor asks me what I see.
They flash upon my inward eye
And then I laugh in Fiendish glee.
I find my solace then in bottles
and I forget them axolotls.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 14 Jan 21 - 03:21 PM

I remember I remember the house where I was born.
The little bathroom down the hall where 19 raced each morn.
My 13 brothers hated me; my sisters felt the same.
Mom never called me up to eat; she didn't know my name.

I remember I remember the joys my schoolhouse gave;
How I came late to second grade because I had to shave.
I think that I shall ne'er forget a girl named Emmy Lou.
I carried home her books from school - her boyfriend told me to.

I remember I remember the walls so pale and white
That turned a vivid bloody red when mom and dad would fight.
I learned about the birds and bees when I was ten and three,
But I was so confused I thought that I should wed a bee.

I remember I remember all kinds of boyhood things.
How glad I am these memories can launch my heart on wings.
They bring much pleasure to my life; they give me quite a kick.
They also help my analyst to find out why I'm sick!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,guest
Date: 25 Jan 21 - 04:46 PM

New, new my heart is new
Straight from a man in Kalamazoo

New, new my heart is new
It's guaranteed till '72

Late last year when I went insane
I went shopping for a slightly used brain.

New, new my lungs are new
They were so cheap I coulda bought two

New, new my spleen is new
So are my kidneys, may pancreas too.

(Not sure of all of the wording but this is what I remember). Line 3 is probably wrong, and I don't know the order

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,joho
Date: 25 Jan 21 - 04:54 PM

For poisonous smog shrouded skies, insectcided grain;
For strip mined mountains majesty above the asphalt plain
America, America, man sheds his waste in the
And hides the pines with highway signs
From sea to oily sea.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Logicat
Date: 05 Feb 21 - 05:26 AM

I've been looking for a parody I remember of Oh Captain! My Captain! titled Oh TV! My TV!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Franco
Date: 14 Feb 21 - 08:34 PM

I remember some of the words to this one, but can't remember which song was being parodied...

There's a brand new dye on my favorite tie.
I got it when I ate Hot Pizza!
There's a glob of goo on my new suede shoe.
I got it when I ate Hot Pizza!

Each time that I eat it I am dripping mozzarella.
I need an umbrella. Sloppy fella!

It was from the same issue as "Chopped Liver". Can anyone fill it in?
Many thanks!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,GUEST.Joe
Date: 26 Apr 21 - 12:35 PM

The chemical elements and their symbols, sung to the tune of "Do-Re-Mi"

"O" -- the sign for Oxygen,
"Ra" -- that's Radium so rare---
"T" -- is Tin for making cans,
"As" -- that's Arsenic beware!
"F" -- for Fluorine that we drink,
"N" -- for Neon lights that glow --
"S" -- is Sulfur what a stink!
    -- Which brings us back to O - O - O - O

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,GUEST.Joe
Date: 26 Apr 21 - 12:40 PM

A tribute to Edgar Allen Poe (sung to the tune of "There's No Business Like Show Business")

There's no stories like Poe stories like no stories we know,
If you like a tale that is appalling,
If you like to murmur, shriek, and cry,
If you like a tale with bodies falling, and spirits calling,
Then Poe's your guy!

There's no people like Poe people, they all fill us with woe,
If you like a tale that's filled with death galore,
And spirits tapping upon your door,
And some crazy raven shouting "Nevermore",
There's no writer like Poe!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Blueglass
Date: 24 May 21 - 12:05 PM

And this was The Gardener's lament sung to the Marine Corps hymn
" from the ants in our petunia bed to the crabgrass on our lawn we will fight them off with chemicals kill the bugs and weeds are gone we'll use courts and courts of poison spray and we won't stop till we're through all the bugs and weeds are dying now but the plants and trees are too"

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: The Og
Date: 09 Jun 21 - 03:03 PM

To Suzanne from Australia...


IN PRAISE OF STEPHEN KING (C)
My take on a 19 January 2016 "Mudcat Cafe" post, by Suzanne from Australia, of an item that had appeared earlier in a MAD Magazine from the 1960s; tune = "There's No Business Like Show Business"

C                      Am                      C                   Am
I sing glories to King stories they bring disquieting,
G                                                       C
Most of them are filled with untold terror,
G                                        C
Don't be in error, I do not lie.
G                                             Am                         D
If you like your stories full of evil, with much upheaval,
             G
I'll clari-fy.
             C                      Am                C                            F
There's no villains like King villains, maybe living next door.
Am                      G                         C       A
If you think that demons are just everywhere,
         D             G          C       A
With vampires lurking…in midair,
         Dm                         G                   C                A
Then maybe you're just waiting for a King-sized scare.
         Dm             G               C
Just stop at your local bookstore.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 12 Jun 21 - 08:39 AM

The one about cigarettes:

To an ulcer, it's a shot of booze
to a weak heart, it's some shocking news,
to a deep cut, it could be gangrene,
to a smoker, nicotine.

To a sheriff, it's a top gun shot,
to a rustler, it's a hangman's knot,
to a cowboy, it's a wild stampede,
to a smoker, it's a weed.

To a bigot, it's a Jew next door,
to a klansman, it's a guy from CORE,'

??

I think the lines after 'guy from CORE' are:

To a Bircher, it's a Commie nut.
To a smoker, it's a butt!

And either at the beginning or end, there was the 'slogan':

Misery is the taste of death! Misery is the taste of death!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 12 Jun 21 - 08:51 AM

There was 'The Land that Sam Built' parodying 'The House that Jack Built':

Final verse:

This is the land, built on a dream,
That worshipped the buck that reigns supreme,
That built the Mob, that still goes free,
That paid the pusher, who copped a plea,
Who hooked the junkie on the fly,
Who robbed the store with prices high,
That milked the poor in all their need,
Who hated the man so full of greed,
Who owned the slum
That housed the filth
That bred the rat
That bit the child
Who lived in the land that Sam built.


And, to the tune of 'Good King Wenceslas' of course:

Good King Wenceslas looked down
On the Earth this season.
Saw five million lacking food.
Asked what was the reason.
'Do not worry', he was told.
'If there's some starvation,
It's our way of keeping down
Overpopulation!'

Good King Wenceslas looked down
On a field of battle.
Saw a hundred people there
Being killed like cattle.
'Do not worry', he was told
From the field of rubble.
'We have found that Army life
Keeps boys out of trouble!'

Then a bit that I don't remember; and then it concludes with Wenceslas reporting to Jesus:

'Earth is such an awful place,
Only fit for slumming.
If You're smart, You'll drop all plans
For the Second Coming!'

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,malbuff
Date: 02 Jul 21 - 10:56 AM

Robyn said, many many years ago:

"The publishing group hoped to establish a legal precedent that only a song's composers retained the right to parody that song."

Regarding this landmark legal decision, a quote from the judge's opinion can't be forgotten:

"Irving Berlin does not own iambic pentameter!"

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,fred1369
Date: 08 Aug 21 - 12:12 AM

I had that memorized way back then.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,chris0s
Date: 13 Sep 21 - 06:59 PM

Once upon a weeknight dreary
While I stared with vision bleary
At the Zenith TV that I bought on time from Gimbel's store
Suddenly I was discerning
That some shows were not returning
Shows I'd seen just weeks before

Whereupon I said, "Dear Rating,
I have sat here, watching waiting
For those splendid prime time programs that premiered in weeks of yore
Though I've twisted knob and dial
I don't see Jean Arthur's smile
Will she get another trial?
Will she come back with a roar?
Tell me please, O wondrous Rating
That she'll come back with a roar!"

Quoth the Rating: "Nevermore."

...

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Donuel
Date: 14 Sep 21 - 07:06 AM

Sexual Healing
Song by Marvin Gaye
Lyrics

Oh, baby let's take it down tonight (ba-ba-ba, bum)
Ooh baby, I'm hot just like an oven (steal me some money, give me some money)
I need some 'cold cash'
And baby, I can't hold it much longer (steal me some money, give me some money)
It's getting stronger and stronger
When I get that feeling
I want a debt ceiling
A big debt ceiling, oh baby
Makes me feel so fine
Helps to relieve my mind
A big debt ceiling baby, is good for me
A big debt ceiling is something that's good for me
Whenever blue teardrops are fallin'
And my emotional stability is leaving me
There is something I can do
I can get on the telephone and just lobby the, Congress
And Congress I know you'll be there to relieve me
The love you give to me will free me
If you don't know the thing you're dealing
Oh I can tell you, Congress, that it's a big debt ceiling
Let's all vote tonight
(Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up)
'Cause you got some work
Baby, I got sick this mornin' (please give me money, please give me money)
A sea was stormin' inside of me
Congress, I think I'm capsizin'(steal me some money, give me some money)
The debt is risin' and risin'
And when I get that feeling
I want a big debt ceiling
A big debt ceiling is good for me
Makes me feel so fine, it's such a rush
Helps to relieve the mind, and it's good for us
Don't shut down the government it's bad for me
Don't shut down the government that's bad for us
God, it's bad for me and it's so bad for the country, oh
Come take control, just grab a hold
Of my body and mind, soon we'll be making more money
I'll be feeling fine
You're my medicine, open up and let me in
Darling, you're so great, I can't wait for you to operate
(pay the debt ceiling)
(pay the debt ceiling)
I can't wait for you to operate
When I get this feeling (steal me more money)
I need a debt ceiling
Oh, when I get this feeling (give me more money)
I need a big debt ceiling
I gotta have a big debt ceiling, Congress (please pay our bills)
'Cause I'm all alone
I need a big debt ceiling, Congress (heal me my darling)
'Til you come back home (heal me my darling)
Please don't procrastinate
It's not good to masturbate

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: David Ritz / Marvin Gaye / Odell Brown / donuel

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Donuel
Date: 09 Oct 21 - 02:03 PM

Shortages, supply chains, and manufactured hate = this feels like a challenging upcoming Christmas.

Trump nuts boasting that they opened fire
Proud boys wearing battle clothes
Big lie theories being sung by a choir
And folks fighting as in puppet shows

Everybody knows Fox News sees a war that grows
will help to make their season right
Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight

They know that Trump's on his way
He's loaded lots of guns and cronies on his sleigh
And every mother's child is gonna sigh
that a war is worse than getting high

So, I'm offering this simple phrase
To kids from one to ninety-five
Although it's been said many times, many ways
We feel sorry for you.

You did not start this stupid hate
You don't deserve this hateful fate
And while your folks might even kill
We know that it was never your wish or will.

Trump nuts boasting that they opened fire
Proud boys wearing battle clothes
Big lie theories being sung by a choir
And folks fighting as in puppet shows

And so, I'm offering this simple phrase
To kids from one to four or five
Although it's been said, many times, by default
We are sorry, We are sorry
This was never, your fault

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,David
Date: 15 Dec 21 - 05:56 AM

Modern rhymes for your childhood. From a Mad magazine article from the 1970s

When I was going down the stair
I met a man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today
I think he's from the CIA

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: BrooklynJay
Date: 15 Dec 21 - 08:35 PM

Not sure if this was posted before, but...

Chopped Liver (sung to Moon River)

Chopped liver... onions on the side,
My social life has dried
From you.

My friends shun me, they outrun me,
The smell of your breath is slow death,
Sad but true.

Your odor's... twice as bad as beer
And people who drink beer
Agree.

I know that your smell will not end,
Always I'll offend,
My halitosis friend,
Chopped liver...
And me.

And speaking of Stephen Sondheim (were we?), I can only remember a fragment of the MAD parody of Tonight that they called In Flight. This is the last part. Can anyone supply the rest?

In flight!
Those headwinds we are bucking
And soon I am upchucking,
Oh what a sorry sight!

I'm white with fright
From trying to hold down
Ev'ry bite,
In flight!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Guest
Date: 04 Jan 22 - 01:09 AM

Re-created from memory and constant recitation

Casey at the Talks

It looked extremely rocky for that famous Mudville nine, the season was upon them but the outfield wouldn’t sign.
And when Fenwick turned free agent and Moran went into flicks, the ownership their heads and moaned we’re in a dreadful fix
They scanned their ledgers gloomily without a hint of cheer the falling season ticket sales foretold a losing year.
They clung to one small distant hope, an optimistic’s dream, the fans would pack the stands with mighty Casey on the team.
For Casey was a superstar that any club would prize, who last year led the league in hits, home runs, and RBIs.
For months the phone calls made to him were scornfully declined, a God, he was unreachable, and what was worse unsigned.
Then from an outer corridor there rose a mighty shout, it rattled the reception desk, it shook the walls throughout, it rumble down the hallway in one tremendous roar, for Casey, mighty Casey was advancing through the door.
There was ease in Casey’s Manor there was Grace in Casey’s style as he touched each owner‘s hand and gave a patronizing smile.
He brought with him six solemn men, their faces grim and grave, three lawyers two accountants and his business agent Dave.
The owners lauded Casey’s clothes, extolled his wavy hair, they kissed the leather of his shoes and knelt beside his chair, they laid before him fruits and wine and then a full course meal, but Casey merely raise his hand and murmured what’s your deal?
“One million bucks is yours” they said “for playing out the year, plus ten percent of grandstand sales of hotdogs cokes and beer”.
“When on the road we’ll line up broads of whom you’ll have your choice, plus shares of stocks, a butler, and a custom built Rolls-Royce”.
The smile is gone from Casey’s lips his countenance is stern, he grips his chair with knuckles white and gives his head a turn, and now he cocks an eyebrow at his agent standing by, and now the air is shattered by the words of his reply.
Oh somewhere in this favored land there is a happy town where management has signed a star Who’ll win the Triple Crown.
And somewhere fans all stand to cheer a bases loaded clout…
But there’s no joy in Mudville, mighty Casey has held out.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Jan 22 - 11:48 AM

I'm singin' in Ukrain, just singin' in Ukraine
What a glorious feeling It's Crimea again.
I'm laughing at smoke, so dark afar
The sun's in my heart and I'm ready for war

Let the deadly smoke chase, everyone from the place
Come on with the tanks, I've got troops on my flanks.
I'll walk down the trench with a gun in my clench
And clingin' just clingin' to Ukraine

Why am I smilin' and why do I cling?
Why does February seem sunny as Spring?
Why do I get up each morning to start shooting
And get up with mud in my gun?
Why is each new attack, so much damn fun?
cause I am living a life of Russain troops.

I'm clingin' to Ukraine, just clingin' to Ukraine
What a glorious feeling we're Russain again.
I'm laughing at smoke so dark above
The sun's in the sky and I'm ready to die.

Let the deadly smoke chase, everyone from the place.
Come on with the ice, I've a smile on my face
I'll walk down the lane with a happy refrain
And clingin' just clingin' to Ukraine

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Harryoo00
Date: 25 Aug 22 - 11:25 AM

searching for a parody of Joyce Kilmer's Trees:
trees that are painted white / are often hit by cars at night

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: The Og
Date: 25 Aug 22 - 12:15 PM

Seems I saw this in an OLD Mad...

I think that I shall never hear
A poem lovelier than beer.
The stuff that Joe's Bar has on tap,
With golden base and snowy cap.
The stuff that I can drink all day
Until my mem'ry melts away.
Poems are made by fools, I fear
But only Schlitz can make a beer.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,B
Date: 04 Feb 23 - 12:50 PM

I leave the house one minute too late - maimed
I cross the street, and what is my fate? Maimed.
I'm always in the middle
whenever there's a riot that's inflamed

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Karl
Date: 13 Aug 23 - 10:43 PM

I think that I shall never see
A sight more disgusting than a tree
A tree that takes up so much space
Where cheesebox homes could stand in place
A tree that looks at God all day
When my god is the FHA

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Alexander
Date: 01 Jan 24 - 12:51 AM

Here’s part of "Watchdog in the Night";
When those burglars came, you didn’t mind them,
they were after loot, you helped them find them,
diamond rings and pearls you quickly led them to,
Watchdog in the night, you stupid beagle you were
Watchdog in the night…

Can’t remember the rest. ???????

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: PHJim
Date: 05 Jan 24 - 05:45 PM

I got this one from the Prairie Home Companion Songbook, but I believe it originated in Mad Magazine. I've been singing it every Christmas for the past 35 or 40 years. "May his bark be worse than his BLIGHT"

White Sheepdog

G / Am / |D7 / / / |
[G] I'm [C] scream[G]ing [Gb] at [G] a [Am] white [D7] sheepdog,[C#]
[C] One who is [Am] sitting [D7] on my [G] chair. [Am] [D7]
It's a [G] thing I'm [G7] dreading,
The [C] way he's [Cm7] shedding,
And [G] covering [Em] everything with [Am] hair. [D7]

[G] I'm [C] scream[G]ing [Gb] at [G] a [Am] white [D7] sheepdog,[C#}
[C] And should he [Am] visit [D7] you some [G] night, [Am] [D7]
May his [G] bark be [G7] worse than his [C] blight, [Cm7]
And may [G] all [Em] your [Am] furni[D7]ture be [G] white. [Am] [D7]

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 08 Jan 24 - 09:14 AM

Tune: "Jesus Loves Me".
(Use the name of your favorite Soviet/Russian leader)

Khrushchev loves me this I know
For the Kremlin tells me so
Little ones who love him not
All lined up against the wall and shot.

Yes - Khrushchev loves me
Yes - Khrushchev loves me
Yes - Khrushchev loves me
The Kremlin tells me so.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Bruce Iglauer
Date: 15 Jan 24 - 01:23 AM

I remember some of it
Give me some men who are post office men
Who look grand when they hand out the mail
Men who will go thru the rain through the snow
Thru the sleet through the slush through the hail
Oh, doorway to doorway
It's my way it's your way
We work never shirk never fail
When post office finish up their beat
Then post office men
Can go home and soak their feat.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,PW90277
Date: 05 Apr 24 - 03:14 PM

MG -- You'r exterior finish,
though slightly diminished,
is the best I ever have seen!