Lyr Add: Like a Kidney Stone (parody)

Subject: Lyr Add: LIKE A KIDNEY STONE (parody)
From: Amos
Date: 16 Sep 08 - 05:46 PM

My best banjo-pickin' buddy Banjoest has forwarded the following ditty from a friend of his (unnamed), well worth the reading. Given his age today, I can hear young Zimmerman performing it with full feeling:

How Does It Feel?

Once upon a time you felt so fine
You drank milk and wine in your prime, didn't you?
People call, they say, beware of all those oxycalculates and all
And you thought they were just kiddin you
You used to laugh at those
That worried 'bout drinkin' H two Oh
Now you don't talk so loud
Now you don't seem so proud
You're bending over like a stuck pig n' having yourself a nice little squeeeeeeal!!!!!!

How does it feel?
How does it feel?
Gotta be the worst pain you've ever known
Worse than a broken bone
Oh, it's a kidney stooooooooooooone!

You've gone to the emergency room all right, Mr. Smarty Pants
But you know the morphine only just make makes you sane enough you can't
Throw that smart a#* nurse that's grinning at you and making fun
Out the window into the street to be run over by a truck of several ton
You promised mom you would never curse, but whew.....
But you've been sayin' dirty words you didn't know you kneeeeew!
They won't give you knockout gas
You're pretty sure this thing's never gonna pass
You've been talkin' to God, Satan, Krishna, Buddha and the tooth fairy and you want to make a deeeeeeal

How does it feel
How does it feel
To be passing a stone
Don't think you're going home
Worst pain you've ever known
You got a kidney stooooooooone

You climbed up the walls, hung from the ceiling and bent a bedpan or two
The doc comes down, looks at your chart, frowns and then abandons you.
You gotta understand that pain pills don't do no good
When you're passing a rock that looks like a grass-burr made out of mesquite wood
With little thorns sticking out the sides to make you bleed real goood
Now they're carrying you down some freezing hall
You kind hope you're going down to the morgue
The back of your gown is open everybody sees it all
But since you kinda hope you'll die soon none of it seems reeeeeal!

How does it feel
How does it feel
To be on a hospital wing of your own
They wanted you to be all alone
Cos' your girlie screaming upset the women giving birth
Everybody saying, "What on Earth"
You'd think he had a kidney stooooone....

Now your climbing out the window four stories up out on the ledge
Your curled up there lookin' down at the parking lot just over the edge
And wondering if you'd die or just paralyze yourself if you landed on your head
But you decide you'd better not cause if you were paralyzed not dead
You couldn't strangle the nurse
That made fun of you as you writhed and cursed
Even though you couldn't recognize anyone's face much less hers
When you full of morphine, pain pills and still can't remember anything worse
How'd you wind up naked in the lobby with no secrets to conceal?

How does it feel
How does it feel
To try to find a phone
So you can call the Penta- goooon
Call for a nuclear booomb
To break up this kidney stoooooooooooooone?

Subject: Lyr Add: Just Like a Kidney Stone (Tom King)
From: Genie
Date: 16 Sep 08 - 07:57 PM

Thanks for posting that, Amos.

Hugh did tell us the songwriter's name is Tom King.

Great parody.   (Painfully born, I'm sure.)

Genie

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Just Like a Kidney Stone
From: Escapee
Date: 17 Sep 08 - 12:17 AM

So it wasn't just me? Three cheers for Tom King. All I could say on the subject was *&#!!*&)(%$##@!. But at least I said it real loud.
SKP

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Just Like a Kidney Stone
From: PoppaGator
Date: 17 Sep 08 - 01:31 PM

LOL

A truly Dylanesque quantity of words ~ but not a single mention of lithotripsy?

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Like a Kidney Stone (parody)
From: Roger in Baltimore
Date: 08 Oct 08 - 05:43 PM

Yes folks. We have heard about Bobert's Blues Bash and the Peace Moon incident. Did anybody listen to the music? What struck your fancy the most? Surely everyone has overcome their sleep deprivation.

Roger in Baltimore

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Like a Kidney Stone (parody)
From: Jack Campin
Date: 08 Oct 08 - 07:06 PM

And no mention of Peter Mandelson?

Can't we have an extra verse about somebody who *deserves* to get one?