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Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo

SINSULL 27 Oct 08 - 11:24 AM
Flash Company 27 Oct 08 - 11:40 AM
Charley Noble 27 Oct 08 - 12:03 PM
SINSULL 27 Oct 08 - 01:07 PM
Nigel Parsons 27 Oct 08 - 01:20 PM
topical tom 27 Oct 08 - 02:08 PM
Micca 27 Oct 08 - 02:41 PM
Georgiansilver 27 Oct 08 - 04:41 PM
Gurney 27 Oct 08 - 04:56 PM
Charley Noble 27 Oct 08 - 08:27 PM
Charley Noble 28 Oct 08 - 08:15 PM
Tim Leaning 28 Oct 08 - 10:24 PM
Georgiansilver 29 Oct 08 - 08:11 PM
GUEST,The black belt caterpillar wrestler 30 Oct 08 - 08:33 AM
SINSULL 30 Oct 08 - 08:37 AM
Charley Noble 30 Oct 08 - 09:47 AM
Charley Noble 02 Nov 08 - 09:47 AM
GUEST,Bill the sound 02 Nov 08 - 08:08 PM
Bernard 02 Nov 08 - 08:34 PM
Charley Noble 03 Nov 08 - 09:22 AM
GUEST,TJ in San Diego 03 Nov 08 - 05:06 PM
Charley Noble 04 Nov 08 - 09:54 AM
MaineDog 04 Nov 08 - 10:06 AM
Barbara 04 Nov 08 - 12:51 PM
Bernard 04 Nov 08 - 02:11 PM
Charley Noble 04 Nov 08 - 02:54 PM
GUEST,TJ in San Diego 04 Nov 08 - 04:48 PM
Nigel Parsons 05 Nov 08 - 05:58 AM
Georgiansilver 05 Nov 08 - 06:42 AM
Nigel Parsons 05 Nov 08 - 07:33 AM
Nigel Parsons 05 Nov 08 - 09:24 AM
Charley Noble 05 Nov 08 - 10:10 AM
Nigel Parsons 05 Nov 08 - 11:25 AM
GUEST,TJ in San Diego 05 Nov 08 - 11:49 AM
Georgiansilver 05 Nov 08 - 05:52 PM
Charley Noble 05 Nov 08 - 10:24 PM
Nigel Parsons 07 Nov 08 - 10:40 AM
Charley Noble 07 Nov 08 - 12:38 PM
Georgiansilver 07 Nov 08 - 03:29 PM
Charley Noble 07 Nov 08 - 04:22 PM
Georgiansilver 07 Nov 08 - 04:48 PM
Georgiansilver 07 Nov 08 - 04:49 PM
Charley Noble 07 Nov 08 - 08:26 PM
Georgiansilver 08 Nov 08 - 02:35 AM
Barbara 09 Nov 08 - 12:02 AM
Bernard 09 Nov 08 - 07:38 PM
GUEST,maple_leaf_boy 09 Nov 08 - 07:54 PM
Charley Noble 09 Nov 08 - 09:02 PM
Georgiansilver 10 Nov 08 - 02:58 AM
Nigel Parsons 10 Nov 08 - 09:02 AM
Charley Noble 10 Nov 08 - 09:09 AM
Bernard 10 Nov 08 - 09:26 AM
Georgiansilver 10 Nov 08 - 11:22 AM
open mike 10 Nov 08 - 02:03 PM
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Subject: Song Challenge
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 Oct 08 - 11:24 AM

Never chase your cell phone down the loo:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/7693386.stm

Not sure why bathroom mishaps always me but...


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge
From: Flash Company
Date: 27 Oct 08 - 11:40 AM

Best I can come up with at the moment would be 'Your mobile has gone down the lavvy', in the style of 'Your baby has slipped down the plughole'.

Will give it some thought though. Great story Sinsull,didn't see it in the UK papers.

Brian Q


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge
From: Charley Noble
Date: 27 Oct 08 - 12:03 PM

I wonder if the man had consulted his astrology chart for stars that day.

Oh, dear, what can the matter be?
A cell phone user trapped in the lavatory;
He was there from Sunday to Saturday,
Nobody knew he was there!

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 Oct 08 - 01:07 PM

The picture of him being carried away still attached to the toilet reminded me of the guy on Northern Exposure who died when a satellite fell on him and was buried with it still attached.


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 27 Oct 08 - 01:20 PM

A la Queen:

FLUSH! AA-AARGH!
I'm looking for my telephone ...


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge
From: topical tom
Date: 27 Oct 08 - 02:08 PM

Flushed doing his job, eh? Might have been drinking?


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge
From: Micca
Date: 27 Oct 08 - 02:41 PM

Tune Mary Ellen Carter

he dropped his phone while dialling trying to do a Number two
the suction trapped his arm as he attempted a rescue
and he was trapped on the French train and stuck as fast as glue
and hes left there with his hand trapped in the loo
his distress attracted railmen who hurried to help him out
they cut right through the pipework like it counted for just nowt
and he asked if they'd retrieved, if they had pulled it out
and made his mobile phone to rise again
Rise again, Rise again
tho' the smell makes you gag
and its colour has changed
it still will text and ipod
and its call annoy your friends
when his smelly mobile phone
does rise again


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 27 Oct 08 - 04:41 PM

To the tune of "The Lincolnshire Poacher"


I was travelling on the Paris train,
From my home in La Rochelle.
I laughed a lot in the toilet,
Cos I'd made a terrible smell.
But as I pulled my trousers up,
My mobile fell in the loo.
And I stood for just a second there,
Not sure quite what to do.

I reached into the lavatory pan,
My mobile to retrieve.
In order not to soak my shirt,
I rolled up my right sleeve.
I reached down bravely in the pan,
But such was my bad luck.
I set off the mechanism,
And the flush began to suck.

I didn't have a mobile phone,
To call and stop the train.
So as it was an emergency,
I pulled hard on the chain.
The train came shuddering to a halt,
The Pompiers came quick.
I suppose to some of the officers,
I must have looked quite thick!

They sawed the bottom of the pan,
Until it was released.
But suddenly I realised,
The problem had not ceased.
To those who are quite squeemish,
I'm am sorry to cause alarm.
When I tell you that the lavatory pan,
Was still stuck on my arm.

They took me to the hospital,
To remove the dratted pan.
And then I realised that I,
Had been a stupid man.
So if perchance whilst on a train,
Your phone falls down the loo.
Don't try too hard to retrieve it,
Or you'll look stupid too!!!!

(C) Mike Hill 2008


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge
From: Gurney
Date: 27 Oct 08 - 04:56 PM

Alternative last four lines for GeorgianS' post?



They had to cut the Karzi off
to get me off the train,
but sad to say, my cellular
was never seen again!


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge
From: Charley Noble
Date: 27 Oct 08 - 08:27 PM

Wonderful!

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge
From: Charley Noble
Date: 28 Oct 08 - 08:15 PM

refresh


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge
From: Tim Leaning
Date: 28 Oct 08 - 10:24 PM

LOL mike;-)


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 29 Oct 08 - 08:11 PM

Why thank you kind sir Tim..... hope you and the Mrs are well and the performing in fine fettle... long time no see but sure our paths will cross again soon.


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: GUEST,The black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 30 Oct 08 - 08:33 AM

Ever heard "Belinda Brown" by John Kirkpatrick?


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: SINSULL
Date: 30 Oct 08 - 08:37 AM

So if perchance whilst on a train,
Your phone falls down the loo.
Don't try too hard to get it back
Or you'll be stuck in poo.


Maybe?


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: Charley Noble
Date: 30 Oct 08 - 09:47 AM

Passengers will please eschew
From dropping cell phones down the loo,
While in the train, Darling, I love you;
But if your phone goes the deep-six,
Be sure you don't compound your fix --
Reaching down you'll find is not so cool!

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: Charley Noble
Date: 02 Nov 08 - 09:47 AM

Hey, I thought we were off to a great start!

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: GUEST,Bill the sound
Date: 02 Nov 08 - 08:08 PM

Sorry I don't know any chamber music!


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: Bernard
Date: 02 Nov 08 - 08:34 PM

(Blow the Wind Southerly)

Phone down the lavatree, lavatree, lavatree
Trying to text whilst I'm having a pee...
Phone down the lavatree, lavatree, lavatree
Now I'm so vexed 'cos my phone I can't see.

They told me last night a new phone, they were off'ring
A thousand free texts - I thought 'This one's for me!'
But before I had sent two I nipped in the Gents' loo
It fell in the water, now my phone I can't see.

Erm... John Kirkpatrick wrote a song loosely on this theme, with the chorus...
'Down, down, down, down,
When the bloody computer's down'.


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: Charley Noble
Date: 03 Nov 08 - 09:22 AM

To the tune of "St. James Infirmary Blues"

When I reached down for my cell phone,
Reached way down the loo;
When I reached down for my cell phone,
That's when I got screwed!

When I reached down for my cell phone,
I thought I was so bold;
When I reached down for my cell phone,
I was put "on hold."

When I reached down for my cell phone,
It was my own downfall;
When I reached down for my cell phone,
Anyone got a Sawzall?

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: GUEST,TJ in San Diego
Date: 03 Nov 08 - 05:06 PM

Oh, Dear what can the matter be?
One good cell phone flushed down the lavat'ry
I reached for the phone but got only the battery
Ev'ry thing else was just merde.


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: Charley Noble
Date: 04 Nov 08 - 09:54 AM

The ambulance came screaming up,
It's siren loudly wailed;
The ambulance came screaming up,
I hoped they would not fail.

I said "Listen, Doc, I had a dream
Just the other night;
I said "Listen, Doc, I had a dream
And it gave me quite a fright.

"Get your pad, Nurse," the Doctor said,
"I think this boy's insane;
Evil spirits have infused
The soft spots in his brain;
He's obviously insecure;
I bet he sucks his thumb;
He's an unpatriotic, no good, bearded Commie bum!"

Cheerily,
Charley Noble, too much caffeine this morning!!


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: MaineDog
Date: 04 Nov 08 - 10:06 AM

My cell phone's down among the poops, what shall I do, its in the loo!
What a bummer, I'll have to call the plumber what's his nummer, OOPS!
from MD


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: Barbara
Date: 04 Nov 08 - 12:51 PM

I'm thinking this event might translate nicely into a form of MTA
Did he ever return? No he never returned...
if someone wants to try that...
Blessings,
Barbara


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: Bernard
Date: 04 Nov 08 - 02:11 PM

Excerpt from Mucky Phone (to the tune of Matty Groves!

...and how do you like my cell phone now,
and how do you like its hue?
How do you like my cell phone now,
It's fallen down the loo!

It's not much I like your cell phone now,
Not much I like its hue!
It's not much I like your cell phone now,
It's covered all o'er with poo!


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: Charley Noble
Date: 04 Nov 08 - 02:54 PM

Bernard-

Brilliant!

Down, down, down derry down!

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: GUEST,TJ in San Diego
Date: 04 Nov 08 - 04:48 PM

While seated on a public throne,
Relieving some distress,
My cell phone loudly called to me,
And its button I did press.

But as I did so, suddenly,
The thing slipped from my hand,
Then, did a double back flip,
Before diving in the can.

It's times like these that separate
The winners from the losers
And since my contract was brand new,
And beggars can't be choosers,

I set my paperwork aside,
And reached down in the fixture,
But was unable quite to extricate
The 'lectronics from the mixture.

An odious test awaited me,
I cringed as nose hairs crinkled,
My fumbling hand went down and down
Emerging dark and wrinkled.

I tried and tried, to no avail,
I even put a tube in,
But there was simply no retrieval
From that pool of bilirubin.

Thus, I'm standing in a winding queue,
In a cell phone store in Dover,
Explaining to the next-in-line,
My phone loss while hung over.

The moral, if there is one,
To this sordid little story,
Is never drink before you go
Or YOUR phone may go to glory!


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 05 Nov 08 - 05:58 AM

TTTO: My grandfather's clock. (Still thinking of a chorus!)

My new mobile phone disappeared down the 'throne' while texting my wife from the train.
She had just answered 'Yes' to my first SMS, when my phone disappeared down the drain.
I was texting some more, when my phone went through the floor, and was heading at speed for the rails.
So I shoved in my arm, not expecting any harm ... and that's where my narrative fails.

My phone went from view as it slid down the loo, so I shoved in my hand and my wrist.
I know, now, it's true; this was not the thing to do. At the time though, I may have been pissed. (UK=intoxicated, NOT US=annoyed)
Radius & ul-na would not progress very far, as the u-bend impeded my thrust.
I took a nasty blow then on my poor elbow, and no, it was not humerus

The emergency crew they knew just what to do as they cut off the bog at its base.
I disembarked that train with my hand still in the drain, and I thought I was red in the face
But the gendarmerie, and the Maitre TGV both declared that my face was quite white.
But I really shouldn't moan, they retrieved my mobile phone, even though it was covered in shite.


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 05 Nov 08 - 06:42 AM

Nice one Nigel....


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 05 Nov 08 - 07:33 AM

... continued ...

The moral, you see, when you travel TGV. Do not phone when you go for a crap
If you really have to go, then I think you aught to know, that your phone isn't safe in your lap.
Strap your phone into place, or just leave it in its case, be it hand-held or even hands free.
Just once more I'll explain, when "the train takes the strain"*, do not phone when you're going to pee

*Old British Rail advertising slogan


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 05 Nov 08 - 09:24 AM

Of course, there are always 'train' songs to adapt …
(Riding down from Bangor)

Riding into Paris, on the TGV
Finished off my lager, then went for a pee.
Talking to a colleague on the dog'n'bone.
Roughly shook the drops off,
Dropped the bloody phone


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: Charley Noble
Date: 05 Nov 08 - 10:10 AM

Inspirational!

Maybe we need a revival version, to the tune of "Will the Circle be Unbroken"?

Oh, dear!

Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 05 Nov 08 - 11:25 AM

Charley, are you looking for something like:

Will my mobile be unbroken?
Say "It's true", Lord! say "It's true"
Will my mobile be unbroken?
By its voyage through the loo?


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: GUEST,TJ in San Diego
Date: 05 Nov 08 - 11:49 AM

Nigel:

That was one of the most "moving" verses in recent memory!


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 05 Nov 08 - 05:52 PM

Definitely not Beethovens last movement... that was on a piano stool.....


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: Charley Noble
Date: 05 Nov 08 - 10:24 PM

Indeed, it moves along with the speed of the digestive track, and with similar results! (cribbed from a review of "The Invasion of the Mole People.")

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 07 Nov 08 - 10:40 AM

Thanks 'TJ', I'm not really writing these song words, I'm just 'going through the motions'!


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: Charley Noble
Date: 07 Nov 08 - 12:38 PM

Barbara-

Your suggestion about using "Charlie on the MTA" (or "The Ship That Never Returned") is resonating in my brain (no, not in my "head") this morning.

It was on one Sunday evening, on a train bound for Paris,
A young man dropped his cell phone while seated at his ease;
He didn't stop to ponder but reached right down the loo,
And his hand got sucked down the drainpipe, whatever could he do?

Chorus:

Will he ever return? Will he ever return?
His fate it is yet unlearn'd;
Tho' for years and years there were fond ones waiting
For the man who never return'd.


It's a pity we haven't learned the name of this young gentleman.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 07 Nov 08 - 03:29 PM

He was called
Losme Nokia


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: Charley Noble
Date: 07 Nov 08 - 04:22 PM

Georgiansilver-

"Losme Nokia"? Well, that's a possibility.


But how about "Pierre Pissoir" known to his friends as "Peepee."

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 07 Nov 08 - 04:48 PM

Guess he must have looked a bit flushed at the time eh?


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 07 Nov 08 - 04:49 PM

But it would only have been a flash in the pan!!!


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: Charley Noble
Date: 07 Nov 08 - 08:26 PM

Georgiansilver-

Are you trying to pull my chain?

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 08 Nov 08 - 02:35 AM

No ... drive you 'round the bend LOL


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: Barbara
Date: 09 Nov 08 - 12:02 AM

Maybe you could call him Jaques Merde, or does that translate?
Blessings,
Barbara


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: Bernard
Date: 09 Nov 08 - 07:38 PM

Perhaps you might bowl him over? Get to the seat of the matter, or he may flip his lid...


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: GUEST,maple_leaf_boy
Date: 09 Nov 08 - 07:54 PM

Limerick Style:
One day when I went to the loo,
I thought I was just there to poo.
I slightly leaned up, to wipe my bum up;
My cell phone fell in, oh what did I do?

My right arm got stuck in the can, etc.


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: Charley Noble
Date: 09 Nov 08 - 09:02 PM

Maple leaf-

That's a good start, but what does it all mean?

We only have so much life to live and so little time to make our mark on this orb...

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 10 Nov 08 - 02:58 AM

A Limerick has a particular rhythm to it:-

Whilst travelling on a French train,
With an alimentary pain.
I dashed to the loo,
In order to poo,
But my mobile fell down the drain.


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 10 Nov 08 - 09:02 AM

GS:
A Limerick has a particular rhythm to it:-

Whilst travelling on a French train,
With an alimentary pain.
I dashed to the loo,
In order to poo,
But my mobile fell down the drain.


Yes, the normal scansion would be;
Whilst travelling on a French train,
With a slight alimentary pain.
I dashed to the loo,
In order to poo,
But my mobile it fell down the drain

Cheers
Nigel


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: Charley Noble
Date: 10 Nov 08 - 09:09 AM

"Alimentary, my dear Watson," Sherlock Holmes responded.

And I'm also reminded of the old "Alimentary Canal" song we used to sing in biology lab while dissecting things too fierce to mention.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: Bernard
Date: 10 Nov 08 - 09:26 AM

Then there's the Blues approach...

I was riding the train this mornin',
And felt in need of a crap
Yeah, I was riding the train this mornin',
And I felt in need of a crap
But as I was thrutching and straining
My phone had a nasty mishap!

('thrutching' is a very descriptive Lancashire word meaning 'giving my full attention and concerted effort to...'!)

My phone had slipped into a place
A place where it really should not be
Yeah, my phone had slipped into a place
A place where it really should not be
In and amongst the slop and slime
And sloshing around in my poo and pee.

I had to have my phone back
There was only one thing I could do
Yeah, I had to have my phone back
There was really only one thing that I could do
So I rolled up my shirt sleeve
And plunged my hand into the pee and the poo.

Here's where it all went worse, now,
Cos my hand became entangled in the workings of the can
Yeah, that's where it all went worse, now,
Cos my hand became well and truly entangled in the workings of the can
So now I'm trapped in a railroad loo
Waiting for the arrival of the Sanitary Man!

(one advantage with Blues is a line that doesn't really scan can be gabbled so it still fits!!)


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 10 Nov 08 - 11:22 AM

Yes Nigel.... sorry but 'Nasty' alimentary pain wouldn't fit LOL.


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge-cell phone down the loo
From: open mike
Date: 10 Nov 08 - 02:03 PM

the guy was a bit luckier than this one..
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/west_midlands/3937549.stm


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