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Lyr Req: Risque Riddles

Steve Gardham 04 Dec 08 - 05:47 PM
Joe_F 04 Dec 08 - 08:18 PM
Snuffy 04 Dec 08 - 08:23 PM
kendall 04 Dec 08 - 08:53 PM
Cluin 04 Dec 08 - 09:24 PM
Cluin 04 Dec 08 - 09:31 PM
Cluin 04 Dec 08 - 09:35 PM
Lighter 05 Dec 08 - 10:21 AM
Cool Beans 05 Dec 08 - 11:04 AM
Steve Gardham 05 Dec 08 - 01:23 PM
Lighter 05 Dec 08 - 05:35 PM
Bill D 05 Dec 08 - 05:51 PM
Vic Smith 06 Dec 08 - 02:23 PM
Steve Gardham 06 Dec 08 - 05:03 PM
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Subject: Lyr Req: Risque Riddles
From: Steve Gardham
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 05:47 PM

Just been reading an old article on Double-entendre riddles in Old English and they reminded me of one we used to ask in the playground in Hull, Yorks., when I was a kid in the 50s.

What's long and thin and covered in skin,
Red in parts and shoved in tarts?

The idea behind this and the Old English examples obviously is you immediately think of the naughty response, and then the asker embarrasses you by giving the innocent answer.

Any other examples required please, preferably with a where and when.

At some time in the dim and distant future I have ideas of publishing an anthology of double entendre ballads and I'd like to include riddles in it somewhere.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Risque Riddles
From: Joe_F
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 08:18 PM

I forget when & where I first heard these (U.S., anyway):

What is found both on pool tables and in men's trousers? Pockets.

What four-letter word ending in K signifies intercourse? Talk.

Also, in Joyce's Ulysses we read

my aunt Mary has a thing hairy because it was dark and they knew a girl was passing it didnt make me blush why should it either its only nature and he puts his thing long into my aunt Marys hairy etcetera and turns out to be you put the handle in a sweepingbrush


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Risque Riddles
From: Snuffy
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 08:23 PM

I remember that rhubarb riddle from the 50s (Stockport area). I think I heard these a bit later, but can't be precise.

Q. What's brown and steams and comes out of cows?
A. The Isle of Wight Ferry (comes out of Cowes)

Q What do men do standing, women do sitting and dogs do on three legs?
A. Shake hands


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Risque Riddles
From: kendall
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 08:53 PM

It goes in dry, comes out wet,
Tickles your belly and makes you sweat.




wait for it




a washboard


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Risque Riddles
From: Cluin
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 09:24 PM

Nothing new about this subject. The double entendre riddle has been around a long time due to its popularity. This one, from my dog-eared and frayed copy of Penguin Classics' "The Earliest English Poems" is a translation from around the 8th century, possibly earlier:

Swings by his thigh a thing most magical!
Below the belt, beneath the folds
of his clothes it hangs, a hole in its front end,
stiff-set & stout, but swivels about.

Levelling the head of this hanging instrument,
its weilder hoists his hem above the knee:
it is his will to fill a well-known hole
that it fits fully when at full length.

He has often filled it before. Now he fills it again.



The answer of course:    a key.


(click and drag to highlight and reveal)


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Risque Riddles
From: Cluin
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 09:31 PM

From the same collection, guess this one:

I'm the world's wonder, for I make women happy
—a boon to the neighbourhood, a bane to no one,
though I may perhaps prick the one who picks me.

I am set well up, stand in a bed,
have a roughish root. Rarely (though it happens)
a churl's daughter more daring than the rest
—and lovelier!—lays hold of me,
rushes my red top, wrenches at my head,
and lays me in the larder.
                         She learns soon enough,
the curly-haired creature who clamps me so,
of my meeting with her: moist is her eye!


ONION


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Risque Riddles
From: Cluin
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 09:35 PM

What word starts with an "F" and ends in "UCK" and means a lot of heat and excitement?"

Firetruck.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Risque Riddles
From: Lighter
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 10:21 AM

Hi, Steve. New York City, 1964, in rapid succession by one teenager:

"What is that men do on two legs, dogs on three legs, and women sitting down?" "Shake hands."

"What's a four-letter word that ends in K and means 'intercourse'?" "Talk."

"What sticks so far out of a man's pajamas you can hang a hat on it?"
"His head."

The jokester introduced these questions as an initiation ritual for "The Turtle Club." He didn't make that up, as Wikipedia reveals under

W. also gives further riddles, but the first three are the only ones my classmate offered:

"The answers to the following questions are neither vulgar, lewd, nor salacious.

"What does a woman do sitting down, that a dog does on three legs, and a man does standing up?

"What is a four letter word, ending with 'k,' that means intercourse?

"What is so long, and so hard, and sticks so far out of a man's pajamas in the morning, that he could hang a hat upon it??

"What does a cow have four of, that a woman only has two of?

"What is long, hard, and tubular and filled with 'sea-men?'

"What is heard almost every day that rhymes with 'duck' and begins with 'F?'

"What does a dog do that a man steps into?

"What goes in hard and dry and comes out flaccid and moist?

"What is six inches long, has a head on it and is the object of many women's fantasies?

"You must speak to a turtle to verify your solutions."


The "cow/ woman" riddle (answer: legs) also sounds familiar, as does the "hard and dry" (answer: bubblegum). They undoubtedly come from high-school days too.


Also in 1964 or '65 a different classmate asked "What's the shortest word you can think of that starts with F and ends with K?" "Firetruck." A girl then complained that "firetruck" was "really two words." So it's best not to use that one.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Risque Riddles
From: Cool Beans
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 11:04 AM

What takes five minutes and lasts nine months?







Beacon Wax! (A popular American brand of floor wax in the 1950s and 60s.)


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Risque Riddles
From: Steve Gardham
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 01:23 PM

Wow!
Hi, Jonathan.
Lots to go at here.
Many thanks to all and keep 'em comin! Oops!

Cluin,
Yes, these were the ones that got me excited (There I go again!)

Okay, let's be extra picky! Anybody got any more rhyming ones like the rhubarb one?

You can make some up if you can. There's a challenge!

Steve


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Risque Riddles
From: Lighter
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 05:35 PM

That Wikipeida article is called "Ancient Order of Turtles."


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Risque Riddles
From: Bill D
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 05:51 PM

""What goes in hard and dry and comes out flaccid and moist?"

Original: "What goes in long & hard and comes out soft & sticky?"

chewing gum


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Risque Riddles
From: Vic Smith
Date: 06 Dec 08 - 02:23 PM

When we used to organise tours for Belle & Alex Stewart, the car journeys between venues were often filled with Belle's riddles.

Here's one of hers that would come into this category


Flim, Flam, Fleasy
When it's in it's easy,
When it's out it flops about,
Flim, Flam, Fleasy


The answer is...... a tongue!

One time when she was telling riddle after riddle and I was getting none of them right, she asked, What's the difference between a forpit (1) o' tatties (3) and a forpit o' stanes? (3)

When I eventually admitted that I didn't know the difference, she said, Ack, Vic, I'll never send you tae get ma messages! (4)

_______________
(1) "a forpit" - a fourth part or a 1/4 of a stone, in other words three and a half pounds.
(2) "stanes" - stones
(3) "tatties" - potatoes
(4) " tae get ma messages" - to do my shopping


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Risque Riddles
From: Steve Gardham
Date: 06 Dec 08 - 05:03 PM

Nice one, Vic


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