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BS: Lesbian Question???

Bobert 21 Dec 08 - 12:13 PM
katlaughing 21 Dec 08 - 12:21 PM
Bill D 21 Dec 08 - 12:23 PM
meself 21 Dec 08 - 12:23 PM
catspaw49 21 Dec 08 - 12:29 PM
Bobert 21 Dec 08 - 12:29 PM
Alice 21 Dec 08 - 12:30 PM
gnu 21 Dec 08 - 12:31 PM
Megan L 21 Dec 08 - 12:32 PM
meself 21 Dec 08 - 12:36 PM
wysiwyg 21 Dec 08 - 12:50 PM
Stilly River Sage 21 Dec 08 - 12:53 PM
Ed T 21 Dec 08 - 01:14 PM
Bobert 21 Dec 08 - 01:40 PM
bobad 21 Dec 08 - 01:58 PM
Big Al Whittle 21 Dec 08 - 02:14 PM
kendall 21 Dec 08 - 02:21 PM
LilyFestre 21 Dec 08 - 02:34 PM
Ed T 21 Dec 08 - 03:28 PM
Big Al Whittle 21 Dec 08 - 03:34 PM
akenaton 21 Dec 08 - 03:58 PM
Ed T 21 Dec 08 - 04:51 PM
SINSULL 21 Dec 08 - 05:16 PM
SINSULL 21 Dec 08 - 05:22 PM
Richard Bridge 21 Dec 08 - 05:23 PM
Ed T 21 Dec 08 - 05:33 PM
Gurney 21 Dec 08 - 05:34 PM
Don Firth 21 Dec 08 - 05:45 PM
GUEST,Bob Ryszkiewicz 21 Dec 08 - 05:51 PM
McGrath of Harlow 21 Dec 08 - 06:08 PM
Ed T 21 Dec 08 - 06:13 PM
Ed T 21 Dec 08 - 06:15 PM
Comrac (troll alert contact max) 21 Dec 08 - 06:16 PM
GUEST,Bob Ryszkiewicz 21 Dec 08 - 06:36 PM
Bobert 21 Dec 08 - 07:33 PM
gnu 21 Dec 08 - 07:47 PM
Bobert 21 Dec 08 - 07:57 PM
Ed T 21 Dec 08 - 08:38 PM
Bobert 21 Dec 08 - 09:37 PM
GUEST,leeneia 21 Dec 08 - 10:54 PM
katlaughing 21 Dec 08 - 11:52 PM
Barry Finn 22 Dec 08 - 01:01 AM
GUEST,Guest from Sanity 22 Dec 08 - 04:11 AM
Lizzie Cornish 1 22 Dec 08 - 04:20 AM
Megan L 22 Dec 08 - 04:20 AM
Bobert 22 Dec 08 - 08:02 AM
JohnInKansas 22 Dec 08 - 08:44 AM
GUEST,Outside Looking In 22 Dec 08 - 09:45 AM
goatfell 22 Dec 08 - 12:25 PM
maeve 22 Dec 08 - 12:30 PM

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Subject: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: Bobert
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 12:13 PM

Ummmm, this is new territory for this ol' hillbilly but there is a woman who my wife met in a community choir and, well, this woman has been paying alot of attention to the P-Vine... It started out a couple weeks where this woman drove a half an hour to meet the P-Vine to give her some herbal rememdies for a cold we've been sharing...

Then emails... Nothin' real come-onish but lots of them and then a few days ago it was this email confessin' to bein' a Lesbian and daying that she just wanted to clear the air... Still no comin' on to the P-Vine but this woman is now sending 5 eamils a day to the P-Vine about stuff... Not comin' on, mind you but ain't 5 emails a day somethin' in excess???

Now I ain't got no problems with gay folks and "some of my best friend are gay" but ain't 5 emails a day too much??? I mean, like one at 1:00 am, another at 3:30 am and then another at 8:00 this mornin'...

I donno???

Anyone have any insights???

B~


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: katlaughing
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 12:21 PM

Bobert, I would say it's not so much a "lesbian" thing as another person who seems to be a bit obsessed. Could just as easily be another man, eh? I respect her for being upfront and honest. Maybe she's incredibly lonely in Falwellville? Maybe she doesn't have anyone else she feels comfortable coming out to and just needs a friend and has gone over the top a little? It can get really lonely out there, for anyone, but doubly so for people who are vilified/ostracised/etcterised.:-) I also don't think five emails are all that much with someone who enjoys visiting and sharing info. And, she must be an insomniac? Is P-Vine uncomfortable about it?


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: Bill D
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 12:23 PM

Insights? Sure.... a polite reply from P-Vine to the effect "I am flattered you can confide in me...but... (fill in personal explanation here)..."

other than that, it's between the 2 women to sort out if they continue to chat...


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: meself
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 12:23 PM

Sounds, at best, like someone very 'needy' ...


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: catspaw49
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 12:29 PM

Is this a joke Bobertz? Seriously........What's the problem?   Lots of initial steps in personal relationships start off witha flurry and maybe the woman is really nice or needy or excited about meeting someone new or a hundred other things, none of them sexual.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: Bobert
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 12:29 PM

Well, the P-Vine did tell this woman that in her opinion it was okay to be gay... So that part is behind her... The P-Vine ain't uncomfortable the best I can tell... Maybe it's just me, I donno???

B~


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: Alice
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 12:30 PM

sounds like it is just you


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: gnu
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 12:31 PM

kat... "It can get really lonely out there, for anyone, ..."

Yup. I wouldn't be terribly concerned, Bobert. But if she invites youse over fer rabbit stew.....

(Just funnin.....)


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: Megan L
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 12:32 PM

If it reaches 14 phonecalls a day lad let me know and dauvitt can sort it he did with my cyber stalker. For the moment however it sounds like someone who is so suprised to have found a friend


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: meself
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 12:36 PM

Well ... either it's just you, or you have found that "P-Vine" has a propensity to get herself entangled in messy personal relationships and are trying to protect her (and yourself). Unless you are justifiably afraid of losing her to this person - which I gather is not the case ... (and none of my business, of course) ...


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: wysiwyg
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 12:50 PM

Bob(ert),

I agree the lady sounds lonely, but the P-Vine can handle that. Sometimes what comes across as needy is actually short-term need.

Your job is to be a good friend to the P-Vine and make it easy for her to share with you how having a female friend can be an important addition to her life. As long as it stays connected to you that way, it's fine. The danger is when half a couple goes outside that (or is driven outside that) to fill rational needs, and a wedge starts to grow, at home.

If the P-Vine runs into any boundary issues she needs a hand with, please remind her that I'm here for her. You, too.

~Susan


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 12:53 PM

Picking up vibrations that set you on edge is not something to ignore--at what point does someone become a stalker? But in the early days of a new friendship, you may have to take a few things into account. Is this someone who is reaching out for help? Someone who is depressed and found a lighted tunnel? Or someone who is out of work or away from work or school on a break and may simply be posting a few more messages than normal?

Play it by ear, but don't dismiss your misgivings, either.

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: Ed T
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 01:14 PM

My musical gut feeling is one should beware if they have not been paying attention to their record collection (if so, now may be the time), especially if there's a "dusty grove" in the vinyl.


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: Bobert
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 01:40 PM

Whooooaaaaaaahhhhh there, Ed... Ain't no dusty grove thing going here 'casue I'm young an' able to buzz all night long and if ya' hear me buzzin' then there's some stingin' goin' on...

(Bobert, Bobert, Bobert...)

But seriously... Yeah, I think this woman in lonely and does not have many friends... I'm okay with that... And I know that the P-Vine and I are tight and so I'm not at all threatened...

It's this woman I am more concerned about in that, well, she might have a little obsession thing goin' and if that is the case, what should I, as a caring spouse, be doing, if anything...

One thing I think would be a good idea and the P-Vine agrees is for this woman to see us together... I don't think she has ever seen me and maybe that would help break a potentially obsessive cycle...

I donno... I jus' feel like I should have a better grasp of any developing situation...

If that makes sense...

Oh, and thank you all for your insights...

B~


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: bobad
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 01:58 PM

I think you are right to at least consider that this might be the beginnings of an obsession, as there are some signs pointing in that direction. There are some people here who have qualifications in the mental health field and I'm sure they will have some good advice for you. The one thing that comes to my mind is that these sort of obsessions are not rational and therefore attempting to deal with them in what you would consider a rational manner, is not usually effective. It is also probably best not to let the attachment get too entrenched as the obsession seems to strengthen the longer it goes on.


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 02:14 PM

It all comes down to....the WMD's. (weapons of marital destruction).

You were happy to trust Saddam Hussein......


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: kendall
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 02:21 PM

I would be concerned, but not yet alarmed.
There is a simple statement that P vine could use, "I'm straight, but not narrow."


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: LilyFestre
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 02:34 PM

If I were in your shoes, I'd share my concerns with P-Vine, ask her what she makes of it and go from there. If she is enjoying the emails, let it be. I've PM'd with someone right here on Mudcat several times over the last 24 hours, it doesn't make me obsessed (or her) but rather we are having a decent exchange. Would you have the same concern if this woman was not a lesbian?

If, on the other hand, she's uncomfortable and not sure how to handle the situation, offer her some suggestions. Sometimes it's difficult to politely get a message across and another point of view is helpful.

And hey man, whatchoo digging up around your garden these days?

Michelle


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: Ed T
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 03:28 PM

My take on it (I am not homophobic, but a realist) :

Straight men are interested in women as mates (sexual and otherwise). I suspect lesbians share this interest (at least more so than straight women). I personally know a few who see "conquering" married women as a real challenge...much as some men do. So, I would not totally rule out that she has such an interest, regardless of how remote success may seem, (beyond friendship). If so, it may not matter whether P-vine is solid with you or not....if she is interested in P-Vine, at the best it may just lead to more frustration for both...at some point. So, at some point this woman must spread her wings elsewhere..because I suspect there is no sense wasting such effort on P-Vine.

So, what could a sensible course be? First P-Vine should clearify the limits of her interest in the relationship and make it clear that she does not keep anything from you. And, I suggest you should discuss with P-Vine you being included in the friendship, to further reinforce that it is only friendship...and that you folks have a solid relationship. If she needs more personal advice...this would not limit P-Vine providing some personal advice. Who knows, it may end up in a great 3 way friendship, and you may also be able to offer some advice and friendly support.

But, that's just my take from a distance.


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 03:34 PM

yes get the ground rules straight.

Like Kevin Cline in 'A Fish Called Wanda' - if you touch his cock, he's dead!


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: akenaton
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 03:58 PM

Hey Bobert ole pal, this thread does your credibility as a big brave up and comin' revolutionary, no good at all!

Don't worry tho' Lesbianism's OK!   Sounds like great fun and I would be quite prepared to give it a go should the P-Vine take fright....Ake


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: Ed T
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 04:51 PM

I once had a scary dream that I was, in fact, a male lesbian....but, thankfully, when I awoke, I got better. There would just be too much stress for me.


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: SINSULL
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 05:16 PM

Bobert,
For all your hillbilly persona, you are smart and intuitive. P-vine is no dummy either. If your gut tells you something is not right, clear the air with P-vine. I suspect you already have.

If I had a new acquaintance, gay or straight, who immediately started emailing me 5 times a day, all the red flags would go up. She may be lonely and be glad of a new friend but that's a bit much.

just my 2 cents.
SINS


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: SINSULL
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 05:22 PM

1AM and 3:30 AM? Another red flag.


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 05:23 PM

I have a male friend with whom I may frequently exchange far more than that many emails in a narrow time span.


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: Ed T
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 05:33 PM

There is some information on the site below> May be helpful, may not be.


http://www.answerbag.com/articles/How-to-tell-your-lesbian-friend-that-you-are-straight-and-not-interested-in-her/d2a39f22-1e51-


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: Gurney
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 05:34 PM

My wife has 'friends' like that, but not homosexuals. These people try to escalate the relationship from time to time with demands on her. Needy people.

I'm on record with them as being disapproving of their demands, which Judy can use to dodge the approaches without being 'selfish.'
Nice women do get buttonholed by 'wanters.'


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: Don Firth
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 05:45 PM

As "Deep Thought" would say, "Hmm . . . tricky."

I'd say that if you can be comfortable with the idea, both you and P-Vine be friends to the woman to whatever degree you feel reasonably comfortable with, but should anything "untoward" manifest itself, a straightforward but polite and gentle rebuff of unwanted attentions from P-Vine would be in order (with you being "blithely unaware"). This would offer the potential of maintaining the friendship while drawing a line, but without being a total rejection of her as a person.

My wife and I have a couple of friends who are gay. One whom we see fairly often is a member of our writers' group. The group gets together once a month to read our deathless prose and/or poetry and to offer mutual suggestions, support, and encouragement. He is in a stable relationship with another man. We consider he and his partner as part of the group of "orphans," people we know who have no family to speak of in this area, whom we often entertain in our home on holidays.

My response, should any gay friend or acquaintance come on to me (which is unlikely because Barbara and I are pretty obviously happily married), would be to thank them for the compliment, but politely point out that I am happily married, and that I do not share their particular sexual orientation. Thank you, but no thanks.

I have never had to play this particular tape, but I think it would take care of the situation should it ever arise.

Don Firth


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: GUEST,Bob Ryszkiewicz
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 05:51 PM

Hi Kids: Seems to me this is more of a lonely or obsessive thing, and in P-Vines court. If "enough is enough" is what's happening, it's best to let your lesbian friend know what time it is...

Wow! This now becomes the opportune moment to unleash some relevant humour(so I stay "on topic" in my own special way...)

This guy goes to a bar at the airport and sees a beautiful woman. He says to the bartender, "Please send her a drink, I've got to meet her..."
Bartender says, "Forget it, I know her. She's a Stewardess and a lesbian. You don't stand a chance with her..."
Guy says, "Lesbian huh. Listen. I know how to talk to these people..." Just send her the drink, and watch a MASTER at work...
Barkeep sends the drink, she nods Thank You. Guy walks up to her and says, "Bartender tells me you just flew in from Lesbia..."

O.K. O.K., no emails please...And. All you lesbians out there, I luvs yas...

And do you have any idea how many lonely nights I've spent in bars trying to convince beautiful women that I was a lesbian? Did they believe me? NO!
bob<:0)


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 06:08 PM

"Seems to me this is more of a lonely or obsessive thing"

Of course five posts in the course of a day on the Mudcat (for example) wouldn't be a big deal. Maybe that's a better way of dealing with being lonely... or obsessive, of course.


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: Ed T
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 06:13 PM

Bobert,

I mentioned your dilema to a close friend (a lesbian) who offers this advice. Hope it is useful.

Some women coming out of a failed lesbian relationship seek an overly-dependent relationships with another woman because they don't know the proper boundaries in a healthy friendship.

It is your role, as a non gay friend, to set the boundaries early in your friendship, in a non-confrontal way. Remind her that there are limits to your relationship (set limits to the frequency of contact etc.

To avoid the likely fear of rejection, in doing this be careful not to send messages that her lesbian status is the reason for the boundaries. Frequently mention your healthy, close and happy relationship with your husband is the utmost of importance to you.

Remember that you must not be viewed by her (or by yourself) as the only one who can help her, or the main or only person she can confide in or rely on. Encourage her to pursue other friendships. Avoid any hints of the exclusivity which can lead to an emotional dependency. Healthy lives involve many relationships. Obviously, there are some needs that you will not be able to help her with.













Abridged, from website:
http://www.leaderu.com/jhs/davies-worthen.html



How Can We Help a Friend If We Suspect That He or She Has This Problem?
Work on deepening your friendship.


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: Ed T
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 06:15 PM

The website on the bottom she included, for additional (christian) information. (She also said she pulled out a few quotes from it)


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: Comrac (troll alert contact max)
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 06:16 PM

I think there is a better acceptance of lesbians in society than there is of homosexuals. Maybe it's because they tend to keep their private lives to themselves, good luck to them.

On the other hand, homosexuals seem to host every other television quiz show, DIY show and buying/selling property show. Usually wearing pink suits and going over the top.They tend to be promoted a lot more.

I have nothing against lesbians, as long as I can watch !


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: GUEST,Bob Ryszkiewicz
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 06:36 PM

Hi Kids: Felt I should add this...Being a public person for most of my life, I've seen all kinds of stuff. I once was having a conversation with this guy and we were having some laughs, when during the conversation he took hold of my hand...

We obviously weren't on the same page. But the look in his eyes was one of attraction, and I didn't know quite what to do. I felt both honored and offended. But,"to each his own, as my mother used to say..." I just let him know I wasn't interested and walked away. What do you do? The Creator put all kinds of people on this Earth...

5 posts on Mudcat, No problem. I have committed myself to producing my own albums, and I'm continually on the Net, promoting myself, making friends, etc. It's been quite an experience experimenting with this new digital music thing...But then there's a time to back off and not go too nuts with it all...Mudcat allows me to take little breaks from my work...

Life is a balance. "To everything there's a season..." I try my best to give respect to all, put some happiness out there, and I'm quite concious of "being a good guest..."

Seems to me that a little bit of communication between the parties involved in the topic would ameliorate the situation...
BR


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: Bobert
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 07:33 PM

First of all, I have discussed my reservations about this womabn with the P-Vine... Secondly, she knows about this thread...

I'm listening and trying to take all of your posts into my thinking...

Yo, Michelle,

Nuthing too much in the garden however we did dig up 33 Linten R$ose babies and seperated them and put them in 4 inch pots today out in out propagating area where it stays in the 40's and has grow lights... Also, a danged racoon busted off part of one of our green spiel euonomoused so we cut it up and will one day have four more of them...

Back to this lady fir a minute... One thing that did get my attention is the night that she called the P-Vine and offerd to bring the herbs, this woman had to dive almost 30 minutes but didn't want to come to the house but met the P-Vine 4 miles from here at an Exxon station... I mean, if she was willing to drive 20 miles, why not 24 where I would have been???

I donno???

But, inspite of 20 years a a social worker, I'm learning alot here...

As fir the P-Vine, well, there are a lot of things about folks that she doesn't know about... More than most folks her age... That's a good thing but can also be a bad thing... That's why I'm trying to keep my good eye on this...

B~


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: gnu
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 07:47 PM

At the Exxon? Oh, well, THAT is a tad strange. I'd debit the works. Sommat just don't seem right... meet at the Exxon? Nope.


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: Bobert
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 07:57 PM

Well, nu-zer... I think that was my first red flag... The 5 emails in one day was the second...

B~


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: Ed T
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 08:38 PM

Bobert,
On the Christian web site, in my last post, there is a section titled "Female Friend, Helping a Female Struggler". Don't know just how credible the advice is....but, there were cautions that caught my eye, especially if yer gut tells you (without meeting the person) that there is something odd about this person. But, on the other hand, over-reacting can often sometimes stir up as much trouble as it solves....and sometimes things have a way of just working themselves out...but, it never hurts to keep a watchful eye out for your loved ones...without over-reacting...in case a new aquaintance is not as well meaning as one would wish them to be. A friend once told me that " we build up credits with love ones in good times, that we can draw upon in uncertain times." That always stuck with me as being wise.


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: Bobert
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 09:37 PM

Wise asvice, Ed...

I kinda honed my instincts over my 20 some years a social worker and I guess that once honed, always owned...

I know not to over-react but I also know to keep my good eye on what is happening...

The P-Vine. bless her heart and lucky for her, is not too worldly and a tad niave so I gotta keep my eye on it...

B~


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 10:54 PM

How old is she? I understand there are young people who text each other many times a day. Maybe she's just used to that sort of social life.

A couple weeks ago, a boy of 17 wrecked his car in a wooded area near here. He wasn't found for a couple days. A buddy of his told a newspaper reporter that he'd known something was wrong, because he and the crash victim texted each other 'a hundred times a day.'

This has been going on for long enough that older people are doing it too. I have a friend of 60 who told me that she no longer relies on e-mail, she texts. I told her I wasn't up for that.


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: katlaughing
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 11:52 PM

Not wanting to come to your home may be she is shy and/or uncomfortable with men OR because she was a woman alone and didn't feel she knew both of you well enough to be alone with you in your home.

From what you have added about P-Vine tells me you are being a "good" cautious and it is good to keep an eye on things. P-Vine and/or you need to be sure to set boundaries. Sometimes that can be done by simply not responding. Other times, it may take more as others have noted above.

If you do find she is coming out of a relationship, is lonely, needy, etc. and you get a chance, it would be good to have some suggestions for where she might get some help.

Take care,

kat


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: Barry Finn
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 01:01 AM

If I were P-Vine I'd take care to not get you involoved, Bobert,,, at all. Why you ask? It could lead to trouble. First thing you know is you're sitting there with the women folk & you start thinking "I wonder what it's like to be with two woman at the same time"? Next thing you know you asking the two women that very question & they both answer "silly bastard, you are with two women, do you even know where you are, you've had enough beer, go to bed"! Now both women think you're not only a drunk hillbilly but you're a drunk & a spacy hillbilly.

Barry


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 04:11 AM

From: Bobert
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 12:13 PM

".........Now I ain't got no problems with gay folks and "some of my best friend are gay" but ain't 5 emails a day too much??? I mean, like one at 1:00 am, another at 3:30 am and then another at 8:00 this mornin'...

I donno???

Anyone have any insights???"

Without laying a value judgment on the homosexual thing..I know, for absolute sure, that in counseling(marriage and family), when people begin opening up, explaining their emotions, and what-not, one of the thing the counselor, observes, is certain things in their behavior. Sometimes, and without even being conscientiously aware of it, the client will display certain traits, which could be a 'clue' to the root of some of their problems. Believe it or not, a homosexual may display 'tip off' points,..which is NOT all the time a desire for the same gender, as themselves, or resentment towards one(or both) parents....the indicator that leads the counselor to pursue a line of questioning to determine if the client, either has homosexual tendencies or not, is 'emotional immaturity'. Without getting into all the particulars, (which anyone who is really interested, I'd post...but not to argue or debate), you might look at her OBJECTIVELY, and see if that's what is going down, in her behavior.
Happy to assist....(limitedly)....and do not wish to debate the subject with anyone, who does not have an education in this field.


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 04:20 AM

5 emails a day. Heck, Bobert...just be grateful your much loved P-Vine doesn't have me as a friend! ;0) LOL


Bob, that joke was very funny...I'm chuckling over here..


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: Megan L
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 04:20 AM

Bobert I hope P-Vine pits ye ower her knee and skelps ye so hard ye hiv tae eat staunin up fur a week, then sends ye oot tae sleep in the kennel wie the dug.


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: Bobert
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 08:02 AM

Well, thankee fir them warm thoughts, Megz... But I ain't into that kinky stuff...

Yo, Barry... Believe you me, I have no interest in being with two womenz, drunk or not... I mean, if one of 'um ain't nuff trouble for a man then I'd say that man needs more than just a little couselin' from GfS... lol...

Let's see... Only two emails last night... One at 2:30 am and the other at 3:00...

BTW, I think this woman is in her 50's if that matters...

B~


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 08:44 AM

Bobert -

I get maybe seven or eight emails per year from "friends" - and they never answer back to my replies so I'd have to say I'm inexperienced with respect to deluge-style correspondence.

LiK does, however, have one female friend (probably in her 50s) who has sent her more than 1,734 emails in the past four years. (I know this because I back up and archive our emails. She deletes quite a few things from this "friend" before I get around to archiving, but that's what was in the last backup.)

This woman is extraordinarily dangerous because she's a loose-cannon who's also married to a fundy preacher. Most of the emails are "inspirational" cut-n-paste stuff in bulk mailings addressed to Lin and 30 or 40 of her other friends.

Occasionally when the two of them actually have something to talk about though, a dozen emails in a day - each - for a few days in a row - is not too uncommon.

The "clingers" that one encounters quite frequently are "less than optimally adapted" to normal socializing; but our experience with the dozen or so "open" homosexuals of both sexes that we have known is that, if anything, they are much less likely than heterosexuals (especially males) to have inappropriate sexual fixations on another - especially on another new acquaintance. There's far too much risk (from people who "aren't biased, but ...") and most of those we've known have very specific partners to whom they are very much (and very exclusively) faithful, even when not "into a relationship."

You may have a "nut case" at hand, but normal responses to any "disagreeable" behavior should be sufficient to form the relationship into something tolerable or to terminate it if appropriate.

If treated like the kind of person you (or P-Vine) would like to associate with, she'll either be that sort of person, once she sees what you expect - or will give up and go away.

John


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: GUEST,Outside Looking In
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 09:45 AM

Bobert, from what I have read of the thread, your P-vine is a lucky lady to have someone in her life so understanding and non-judgmental. Great qualities in anyone but attractive in a man moreso I find.

I think your 'conduct' in this has been marvellous and trying to understand potential trouble, if there is any, has to be commendable. You obviously have a great relationship with P-vine and long may it last :-)

If this was a man who had started emailing 5 times a day, with no 'coming on' mind, whould your feelings be the same or different? Point I am am making is that you are right to question because instincts are often all we have to go on. Much should be able to be told from the content of the 5 emails a day. But if there is no subtle caht there alluding to more then maybe what you have here is a lonely woman who feels comfy with P-vine. When you may not be out of the closet yourself having friends who understand can be wonderful but often you can forget how much pressure you put them under by being overly connective. Perhaps the lady in question is just lonely. I guess the thing to watch for - alarm bells - might be a change in tone of the emails or wishing for more actual contact than she now has with P-vine.

I think as long as you two are unassailable and keep communicating then this new lady can be no threat. Only you two know. If it becomes a threat then you will both have to gently pull back.

As for jokes over you maybe wanting two women... pay no heed. That is not happening in your head but in others. I never understood the facination of men wanting to watch two women as long as they can be involved. I know this is definitely not the case with you. It has been a wonderful thread to read.

I wish you both well - indeed, all three all well - and hope it turns out into a simply great friendship. Sexuality aside, loneliness makes a sad bedfellow, while friends are priceless and no bed is needed.

If I ever end up with a guy I hope they are as thoughtful and caring as you seem to be :-)


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: goatfell
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 12:25 PM

So what? if she a Lesbian then that is between her and God, and no one else.


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Subject: RE: BS: Lesbian Question???
From: maeve
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 12:30 PM

Guest, Outside- That's a thoughtful and caring post.

maeve


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