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True Detective Stories

katlaughing 23 Mar 10 - 05:43 PM
Wesley S 23 Mar 10 - 05:32 PM
katlaughing 23 Mar 10 - 05:26 PM
Alice 09 Sep 07 - 11:47 PM
Little Hawk 09 Sep 07 - 11:06 PM
Lonesome EJ 09 Sep 07 - 11:00 PM
Little Hawk 09 Sep 07 - 10:52 PM
Little Hawk 09 Sep 07 - 10:47 PM
Lonesome EJ 09 Sep 07 - 10:29 PM
wysiwyg 09 Sep 07 - 10:24 PM
Lonesome EJ 09 Sep 07 - 10:19 PM
Amos 09 Sep 07 - 07:44 PM
Little Hawk 09 Sep 07 - 04:54 PM
Alice 09 Sep 07 - 03:59 PM
Lonesome EJ 07 Sep 99 - 04:44 PM
alison 01 Jul 99 - 09:34 PM
LEJ 01 Jul 99 - 05:24 PM
bseed(charleskratz) 01 Jul 99 - 03:10 PM
gargoyle 01 Jul 99 - 06:43 AM
bseed(charleskratz) 01 Jul 99 - 03:56 AM
gargoyle 01 Jul 99 - 01:58 AM
katlaughing 30 Jun 99 - 10:34 PM
gargoyle 30 Jun 99 - 01:01 PM
bseed(charleskratz) 30 Jun 99 - 02:16 AM
LEJ 30 Jun 99 - 12:57 AM
WyoWoman 30 Jun 99 - 12:51 AM
katlaughing 30 Jun 99 - 12:36 AM
bseed(charleskratz) 29 Jun 99 - 07:19 PM
LEJ 29 Jun 99 - 04:49 PM
Peter T. 29 Jun 99 - 04:15 PM
bseed(charleskratz) 29 Jun 99 - 02:12 PM
Peter T. 29 Jun 99 - 11:10 AM
Peter T. 29 Jun 99 - 11:01 AM
WyoWoman 29 Jun 99 - 10:12 AM
Fadac 29 Jun 99 - 10:07 AM
Fadac 29 Jun 99 - 10:05 AM
Lonesome EJ 29 Jun 99 - 02:51 AM
bseed(charleskratz) 29 Jun 99 - 02:37 AM
Lonesome EJ 29 Jun 99 - 02:12 AM
katlaughing 29 Jun 99 - 12:03 AM
WyoWoman 28 Jun 99 - 11:35 PM
bseed(charleskratz) 28 Jun 99 - 04:47 PM
Lonesome EJ 28 Jun 99 - 01:48 PM
Fadac 28 Jun 99 - 11:00 AM
Lonesome EJ 28 Jun 99 - 03:16 AM
LEJ 27 Jun 99 - 06:19 PM
LEJ 27 Jun 99 - 06:09 PM
WyoWoman 27 Jun 99 - 06:04 PM
Peter T. 27 Jun 99 - 03:36 PM
Fadac 27 Jun 99 - 03:05 PM
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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: katlaughing
Date: 23 Mar 10 - 05:43 PM

LOL...ya think?:-)


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: Wesley S
Date: 23 Mar 10 - 05:32 PM

That would require some investigation Kat......


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: katlaughing
Date: 23 Mar 10 - 05:26 PM

One more refresh. It's been a blast to re-read this. I think it was one of our very first, wasn't it?


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: Alice
Date: 09 Sep 07 - 11:47 PM

Nick Danger... Third Eye.
(LH you would have had to sit in that patoulie and incense scented room in Bozeman,
glued til after midnight to the thrift store couch with Blake's mom, listening to Firesign Theater, to
understand that reference).


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Sep 07 - 11:06 PM

Yeah. ;-)

So is Nick Danger on the radio or something?

Did you really model Blake on somebody you actually knew in 3-D life?


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 09 Sep 07 - 11:00 PM

Nick Danger can't be read. He can only be heard.

And yes, I believe Blake is a bit like you. And that's not really such a bad thing.


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Sep 07 - 10:52 PM

By the way, your thumbnail sketch of Blake sounds tremendously like my pal Chongo, although Chongo seems to bounce back and forth between optimism and pessimism. When the money's coming in he's optimistic and upbeat. When it isn't, he gets in those dark moods. He's also been looking for "Miss Right" for a long time, but he's a bit confused over which species to focus on when it comes to that.


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Sep 07 - 10:47 PM

It isn't fatal? Are you sure? Well, maybe that depends on how much you do it... ;-)

I didn't mean to say that Blake is exactly like Mike Hammer, LEJ. No, he's sorta halfway between Hammer and Marlowe, I think. Blake Madison is okay in himself. It's more the overall style of a lot of the contributions that I was referring to...they sound closer to a Mike Hammer story than to a Philip Marlowe story. It's just a question of what style you like for a private eye story. I like it hardboiled, but not too vulgar, if you follow me.

I never read any Nick Danger, so I have no idea about that.

"A man who was injured by the hope of man's nobility" Hey! That sounds a lot like me. ;-) (and more than a few other good people I know)


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 09 Sep 07 - 10:29 PM

Wiz, by "self-abuse" I didn't mean masturbation. That's not fatal.
Thank God.


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: wysiwyg
Date: 09 Sep 07 - 10:24 PM

... lost most of his heroes to violence and self-abuse long ago...

Hm, ya mean it can be worse than going blind-- fatal?!?! I'm a hafta ask our coroner pal about that one-- may change how I perceive some of the many funerals I have to attend....

See, LH, what happens when weird posts get stuck smack dab in a story thread? Who's to say what's on topic/in story, and what ain't?

~S~


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 09 Sep 07 - 10:19 PM

Actually, Blake has more in common with Nick Danger than either one of those cats you mentioned, LH. And even Nick never got busted for selling mushrooms when he was a freshman at Montana State like Madison did. Madison would never seduce a duchess, although he was hit on pretty heavy by a countess in a seaside bar in New York City once. And he could only lay claim to the violation of one virgin, which sin he attempted to atone for by marrying said innocent.

No, he's nothing more than a guy I knew fairly well back in my footloose days, a guy who read too many detective stories, picked all of the wrong women, and never knew when to leave the party. We have all adapted better to the changing times than Blake ever could. Blake in his shabby trench coat, carrying a pistol and a hangover, while believing his whole life that "all you need is Love" was a philosophy worth dying for. A walking contradiction with his feet in the gutter and his head in the clouds, a man who lost most of his heroes to violence and self-abuse long ago. He is an exile from a time that has passed. A man who was injured by the hope of man's nobility, and hides the wound beneath his clothes in the dim bars he frequents.

Yes, truly, he has no class, but he has a nose for beauty second to none.

At least, that's my opinion.


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: Amos
Date: 09 Sep 07 - 07:44 PM

Aw, quitcher whinin', Hawk. Ya got a chip on yer shoulder as big as your mother's barn door. Whyncha come up with some stuff worth readin' instead of all this hangdog critique? Whaddya you think, yer the literary critic for the Daily Mail or somp'n? Sheesh!


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Sep 07 - 04:54 PM

Hmmm. Okay, some very fine writing here and there, but the whole thing smacks a lot more of Mike Hammer than of Philip Marlowe to me. I prefer Philip Marlowe, and here's why...

"Underneath the wisecracking, hard drinking, tough private eye, Marlowe is quietly contemplative and philosophical. He enjoys chess and poetry. While he is not afraid to risk physical harm, he does not dish out violence merely to settle scores. Morally upright, he is not bamboozled by the genre's usual femmes fatales, like Carmen Sternwood in The Big Sleep. As Chandler wrote about his detective ideal in general, "I think he might seduce a duchess, and I am quite sure he would not spoil a virgin."

Chandler's treatment of the detective novel exhibits a continuing effort to develop the art form. His first full length book, The Big Sleep, was published when Chandler was 51; his last, Playback, when he was 70. All seven novels were produced in the last two decades of his life. All maintain the integrity of Philip Marlowe's character, but each novel has unique qualities of narrative tone, depth and focus that set it apart from the others."


Philip Marlowe is a man I can respect. Mike Hammer is a low class jerk with a talent for survival.

The other thing is, MAN does it ever get frustrating when a whole bunch of people are posting all kinds of crazy stuff at random and buggering up the story beyond recognition and dragging it in 5 different directions. Sheesh. That's the main problem with story threads.


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: Alice
Date: 09 Sep 07 - 03:59 PM


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 07 Sep 99 - 04:44 PM

Just a refresh of the first Blake Madison adventure to let the newbies know how it works.


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: alison
Date: 01 Jul 99 - 09:34 PM

could do with a baddy over in An Irish Tale

anyone interested?


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: LEJ
Date: 01 Jul 99 - 05:24 PM

Hey guys...this was a great and fun thread. Let's not ruin it by flaming each other. Thanks....LEJ


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 01 Jul 99 - 03:10 PM

Fongoyle, tell me I'm wrong when I sense both obsession and hatred in your postings. --seed


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: gargoyle
Date: 01 Jul 99 - 06:43 AM

Where DO you live?

And why would I want to go there?


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 01 Jul 99 - 03:56 AM

Gargoyle, somehow I'm very uncomfortable knowing you know where I live. --seed


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: gargoyle
Date: 01 Jul 99 - 01:58 AM

In a loose paraphrase of a noted Englishman, "It is better to be thought a fool than to place one's pen to the page and remove all doubt."

In the interest of keeping this thread within the lines of the MC music> base, the following is contributed under the generous and syphlitic Mr. Seed's suggestion to launch a "Ship of Fools."

Went to see the captain, strangest I could find, laid my proposition down, laid it on the line. I won't slave for beggar's pay, likewise gold and jewels, but I would slave to learn the way to sink your ship of fools.

The bottles stand as empty, as they were filled before. Time there was and plenty, but from that cup no more Though I could not caution all, I still might warn a few Don't lend your hand to raise no flag atop no ship of fools.

It was later than I thought when I first believed you, now I cannot share your laughter, ship of fools.

John Renbourn 1988 Flying Fish label


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: katlaughing
Date: 30 Jun 99 - 10:34 PM

Go for it, BSeed! Gargoyle....it hasn't been done by Mudcateers! If we all rejected an idea because it's already been done, writers like me wouldn't ever write anything!


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: gargoyle
Date: 30 Jun 99 - 01:01 PM

Sorry, my most honored and righteous Mr. Seed.Its already been done.

Ship of Fools by Katherine Porter 1962 and made into a film 1965. It is an allegory of this century.


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 30 Jun 99 - 02:16 AM

Ya know, guys, you can get to the end of a long thread quickly by clicking "Sort Descending" up in the upper left, next to "Post to This Thread."

Thanks, Kat, for the kind words. I'm not too sure about writing convincingly of the sea, however (maybe I'll contribute a sea monster). Fadac can give us the sailing verisimilitude.

Oh, here's an idea: a tramp steamer in the '50s, with a few passengers on board, bound for Indonesia or some such place. The passengers would be characters that could be developed by landlubbers like me. We could make it nice and claustrophobic: tiny compartments, storms, mechanical and electronic failures, kind of a seabound "And Then There Were None" --seed


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: LEJ
Date: 30 Jun 99 - 12:57 AM

I think the Sea Story idea is great...kind of Nordhoff and Hall meet Melville, ghost-written by Jack London. What made this thread fun, was that a plot developed that made some kind of sense. I got a kick out of Folk Nurse, but that was totally blotto. Maybe declare some very basic plot line, and theme. Cause if you dont have a Thieme, it just aint Art. Also the simultaneous postings get very tricky... but that's part of the fun, I think. Whatever we do, we better quit posting on this enormous iceberg of a thread before we slash the hull of our best intentions, and send all our computers to Davy Jones. In fact it is taking about the same time to load this bad boy as it took the Titanic to sink after the wreck. I declare this thread officially closed until such time as one of you guys starts a True Something Stories.

LEJ


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: WyoWoman
Date: 30 Jun 99 - 12:51 AM

I like Robin Hoot and Mate Marion. It could be a tale of the sea...

kc


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: katlaughing
Date: 30 Jun 99 - 12:36 AM

Bseed: no prob. (I, too, thought it was probably Gargoyle.)I wasn't bummed, just remembering some of the True Detective stories I'd read, when younger, and not remembering too much in the way of language, so I was expecting us all to stay more in the vein of Philip Marlowe. The only thing that really bothered me was the racial slurs, but, of course, they were in character. It's the Pollyanna in me, what can I say? Sorry. And, you are a damn fine writer, too, ya know?!!

BTW: any of the above suggestions sound great to me. Let's do it!

kat


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 29 Jun 99 - 07:19 PM

It was a blast--the very 'Catness of the whole tale. I was enjoying the animal nurse tale, too, but couldn't drag myself away from this one before what's'er-name disappeared. What's next, Leej, Peter, Alice, Fadac, KC, Gargoyle, Kat, Dave--a tale of the sea? Mudstock at the Overlook Hotel? Robin Hoot (that was a typo, but I like it) and his Merry Mudders? How about those of you of the Irish persuasion spreadin' a bit o' the blarney? Or "Crocodile Dundee and the Tiple Plague"? Or "Samurai Bluesman," Takeo? --seed


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: LEJ
Date: 29 Jun 99 - 04:49 PM

Peter- Very intense. I enjoyed that. Somehow the characters in this goofy little thread fleshed out, didn't they?


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: Peter T.
Date: 29 Jun 99 - 04:15 PM

seed...
You are of course right, stupid mistake. When we do Blake Madison, Language Detective, all degenerates will get "all right" all wrong. Actually....

At the end of the struggle, Blake came up with the gun. He and Nesbit stood up. Blake put the gun up against the gangster's head.
"O.K., you bastard, you get to choose. Which is it, 'priorize' or 'prioritize'?" If you get it wrong, you die."
Doubt flickered across the gangster's face, then fear.
"Uh.....'prioritize!"
Blake pulled the trigger.
Out in the sunlight as they walked away, Nesbit turned to him and said: "Priorize is right?"
Blake replied: "No, they both suck."
Yours, Peter T.


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 29 Jun 99 - 02:12 PM

Peter, that's kind of what I figured, too, after I thought about it a bit...as I said, all the information was in the threads: Do a thread search on BSeed and it's all there, except, of course, for the neighborhood data, and I'm sure there's a map of El Cerrito somewhere on the web, or on some CD.

I was moved by Baby's goodbye--it's too true, and beautifully done, by the way. You're a good writer, Peter m'lad (if you'd only get it that it's "all right," not "alright"--it even sounds better, there in the subvocalization centers of the brain).

And Gar--I really do grok you, although I have my doubts about your grasp of the concept. And humor is a two-way street. I just zapped you with what you used to zing me.

--seed


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: Peter T.
Date: 29 Jun 99 - 11:10 AM

It was even later than I thought. She reached over for her purse. She was getting ready to go.
"So when I went on the street -- yeah, I went on the street -- that was what I tried to think. Here I am, the Sunday school sheep, dabbing up all the mudpuddles, all the fuckedup sadness of all these fuckedup men. Stupid, really. I was the fuckedup one."
She struggled to open her purse to check to see if she had enough money to get wherever it was she was going. I waved some of her own money, the stuff she had given me earlier; but she shook her head.
I took another sip of my Scotch, trying to think of how to keep her from going. All I could think of was: "As Holden Caulfield used to say, you could scrape forever and you could still never get rid of all the FUCK YOUs written on all the walls of the world."
She nodded, got up from her barstool and turned to me. "Anyway, Blake, that was a long way round to a kind of goodbye. You're sweet, and we've had a lot of laughs, but I am all absorbed up. I can't take your pain, and I can't mend your threads. No fluff left, I'm afraid."
I gave her a look that I hoped said how much I understood. She was alright, was Baby Gentry. Perhaps in another time, and another place, it would have worked out. Perhaps not. She reached over and kissed me, once, on the mouth.
"Sorry", she said, "I taste like the salt on a margarita, without the margarita."
I said I didn't mind. She walked a little unsteadily to the door. I saw her silhouetted briefly in the dire purple glow from the flashing sign across the street. For a moment, it was as if she had become a neon angel at the gates of some kind of Paradise Betrayed.
And then she was gone forever.


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: Peter T.
Date: 29 Jun 99 - 11:01 AM

I got interested in darker versions of these stories, just to upend the conventions, so here is one for this!!
WARNING: SAD EPILOGUE ALTERNATIVE COMING!!

And then it was late.
"Is it too late for us, Baby?" I asked, pouring her another drink.
"I'll tell you what, Blake. Nice name, Blake, by the way. Reminds me of the poet."
"Madison remind you of anyone?"
"President, right?"
"Right, Baby."
"Well, if he doesn't appear on any small or medium sized money, I don't know anything about him."
"What happened to you, Baby? You're a smart girl, beautiful, but you sure are connected to a lot of dismal men."
"I tell you what, Blake. Parting gift. It's like this. When I was a little girl, you know, back in wherever it was, my father and my mother used to fight all the time, like hell, all the time, you know."
"Yeah, I know."
"Well, when you're a kid you think, well, you think it's your fault, or you should be able to do something about it." She looked at me, with those violet eyes. "You think you should be able to do something about it." She was starting to cry.
"So, Baby, so what did you do?"
"So, what I did was -- sorry. So when he hit me I used to let him do it. It was like I was some kind of absorbent cotton. You know, the hunks of fluffy stuff you make sheep out of in Sunday school. Like I could absorb all his hate just by standing there, just letting him take it out on me. I used to let him do it. Bang, bang, he'd hit me, and I'd suck it in. I thought I could make it all right. I'd take the hate, and they would love each other, and me, and we would all love each other. You know, magic, kid's stuff. Poof, the world is beautiful." She held her drink in her hand, feeling the roundness of the glass.
"Remember, Blake, how you asked me once, a long time ago, about suffering --"
"Yeah, sure, Baby, a lifetime ago."
"Well that's what I was there for. To make it all go away. That was my role, my magic. So when I grew up, I just carried on, you know."
If there was music playing somewhere, it wasn't nice music.
"The thing is, Blake, there's a lot of hate in the world, a lot of good things that people are just trying to fuck up. It's like love -- you start something, it goes along for awhile, and then, who knows --"
"Entropy?"
"Huh?"
I looked at her. "Everything unravels unless you work at it, and even then ---"
She smiled ruefully. "Well, you've been there, Blake, I can tell."
It was even later than I thought. She reached over for her purse. She was getting ready to go. "So when I w


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: WyoWoman
Date: 29 Jun 99 - 10:12 AM

I didn't take the Fangoul thaing personal-like. I figured someone was just really staying in character. (I always try to stay in character, but sometimes ...)

KC


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: Fadac
Date: 29 Jun 99 - 10:07 AM

[FADE TO BLACK] [ROLL CREDIIS]


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: Fadac
Date: 29 Jun 99 - 10:05 AM

Ah, gots da bluuuuuuuuuueeesssss, 'cus it's over baaaaaaby, No Mo Hoooooooooookey Poooooooooookey fer me...(oh yeah) I's a gots da bluuuuuuuuuuuuuueessss.


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 29 Jun 99 - 02:51 AM

Seed- you did great.And I enjoyed the Fongoul post, except I thought it was Gargoyle because of the grit in it.

And hey, it was Leon's time.

LEJ


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 29 Jun 99 - 02:37 AM

Leej, the perfect epilogue (sorry I killed off Leon: he was a good guy)--and Kat, you're bummed by Fongoul--that's my house he's describing, down to the street number, and a bit of my life he's describing (actually, I've posted both in various threads--but the guy actually has been by here: I live just south of Potrero Avenue and a block from Castro School, just up Gladys from me). By the way, if any of my postings chased you away from the story, I'm sorry. I tried to maintain the tone, but I may have gotten a bit over the edge in a couple of them. --seed


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 29 Jun 99 - 02:12 AM

Post-epilogue-

Blake told me this. It was in the TopHat Tavern on Colfax Avenue in Denver. I hadn't seen him since he and I and Leon were roomates at Montana State University back in the 70s. It was me that brought up Leon Gardipee, and when Blake got tears in his eyes I figured that nostalgia had linked up with the whiskey and been too much for him I asked him when he had last seen Leon, and reminded him about the five bucks he had borrowed."You ever pay him back?"I grinned.

Blake smiled. "yeah I did. Funny about that. I shouldn't have, cause Leon always said I'd be owing him that Five Dollars the rest of his life." Blake was staring at the rocks in his bourbon like he was trying to find an answer there." You know I've got this old photograph of Leon with his volkswagen. He's sitting in it with his head sticking out the sunroof and a big smile on his face. Remember he used to drive around Bozeman like that, sunglasses on and a cigar clamped in his teeth. He was larger than life, was Leon." Blake laid a 20 dollar bill down to cover the drinks." I kinda figured he'd live forever," he said.

"What happened?", I said, dread seeping up in my soul.

"I got him killed, E." He smiled, but the moisture was still there in his eyes. "You just thank your stars that you saw Blake Madison again, and lived to tell about it." He gave me a last look. I had the impression he was raising a pane of bullet-proof glass over his eyes, and then he didn't seem to see me at all.He turned and walked out of the joint, and I never saw him again.


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: katlaughing
Date: 29 Jun 99 - 12:03 AM

Sure glad that is the only posting from Fongoul...uuggghhh! Anybody got a bar a soap??


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: WyoWoman
Date: 28 Jun 99 - 11:35 PM

Epilogue:

And all the contributing Mudcatters got a humongous movie deal and instead of splitting the proceeds, they put them into a travel account, so anytime there was a festival or a really cool jam anywhere on the planet, they could all jump in some kind of transportation and meet there for fun, frolic and some awesome Hokey Pokey!

The Really, Probably, Most Likely End....


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 28 Jun 99 - 04:47 PM

Leej, it was a pleasure, indeed. I almost posted an ending last night--mine, too, would have had Nesbitt busting in, but yours is much better than what I had in mind. And Fadac's denoument, well, what can I say? Hokey pokey lives! --seed


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 28 Jun 99 - 01:48 PM

LOL. Good one, Fadac. Better ending than mine.

Thanks to all the Amateur Mickey Spillanes and Agatha Christie who made this a fun thread. When we sell the movie rights, you'll all get your fair share.

LEJ


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: Fadac
Date: 28 Jun 99 - 11:00 AM

Aw, the death of a thread. Such a sad thing, it was so sad when the great thread went down.

When we got to Joe's the Polka dancers had Polkaed them selves silly. Joe looked at me, and nodded to the little stage.

I got a couple fingers of Four Roses, went to the stage, sat down, picked up the old Sears and begun to strum the blues.

"I gots the Hoooooookkkkey Poooooookkkkey Bluuuuuuuuuueees. Down to my Hooooooookkkey Pooooooookkkey Shoooooooooooss".

Man, I tore their hearts out. Nobody could dance to that, The damn Bho-Ran was still, split, right up the middle.


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 28 Jun 99 - 03:16 AM

"Mommy's home!" snarled Fongoul, and he gave Mom a big shove onto the couch next to me. I made a slight move toward the gat in my pocket."Ah ah ah... that's a no-no, right Momma? Little boys shouldn't play with guns. Carol, go get the piece." Crazy Carol took the gun, then gave me a quick peck on the cheek."Still friends?" She smiled." I'd give you something else, but I'm just bashful I guess," said the fake Mrs. Gentry. Patchouli made a thick aura around her that you could nearly see." Give it to me," growled Fongoul. He had a voice like a Buick with a flat tire on a gravel road. He pointed my gun at the real Baby Gentry. "Go sit down wit your little friends."

"Now you are all gonna die, and I'm gonna tell you why, cause I don't like doin this crap without a reason. If I got a reason I like it. Course it aint as much fun for me as it is for Carol." I swear to God, Carol giggled like a schoolgirl at this and nudged Fongoul, like "gwan, quit yer kiddin." "Baby," said Fongoul, "your crime was two- timin me wit your husband. I know it was you talked him into this little scheme. He was a loyal employee for 12 years, and I hated to lose him. You, however, will be easy to replace.Mom's crime was getting involved on the distribution end of this little scheme. You shoulda stuck to Tupperware and tiples, Maw. And Blake, I don't know why you couldn't just let this thing go. You got Danny the Mick killed, you got poor old Leon killed, you still hung on like a bulldog with a bone.It's a shame.."

He slowly turned, pointing my gun at Crazy Carol. "And you, Honey, why you couldn't take care of a simple little thing like this without draggin me into it. NOBODY can know I was directly involved in one of these things, Carol. You know that." Carol was goggle-eyed, shaking her head no when Fongoul blasted her. I felt Mom and Baby tense against me as Fongoul raised the machine pistol. When the door burst in,it knocked Fongoul flat and the gun skidded across the hardwood floor. In an instant, Nesbitt was kneeling on Fongoul's spine with a .357 Magnum pressed against the back of his head, and the room was full of cops.

Nesbitt gave me a lift to my office."I can't believe you actually saved my life, Flatfoot, after spending the last decade making it miserable." Nesbitt glanced at me, then chuckled. "Believe me, Madison, I wasn't thinkin about you when I kicked in that door. I was thinkin about collaring the biggest bad guy in LA. I was a step behind you through this whole thing. At one point I thought you might be involved in the murder. However, I was sure that no matter how many wrong moves you made, you'd eventually stumble into the solution." Now I had no doubt,this guy was an unmitigated asshole. I got out in front of my office."Just remember, Madison. You owe me," said Nesbitt."Yeah, Lieutenant, like I said before you're a real prince." I walked toward the door."Oh, and Madison" said Nesbitt."Don't worry about your Mom. She turns State's evidence, she gets off with a hand-slap." I was speechless."Hey", he said, "I got a Mom too."

As he pulled away, I felt the first drops of dirty LA rain tap against the brim of my hat. Inside, the phone was ringing."Let it ring", I said aloud, and I headed towards Joe's for a drink.

The End


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: LEJ
Date: 27 Jun 99 - 06:19 PM

(Sorry KC- Either option looks pretty good! Simultaneous postings make it a sticky bidness. Let's assume BOTH bills and Coke in the box. Everybody's in the room- GO!!)


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: LEJ
Date: 27 Jun 99 - 06:09 PM

Under the Colonel Sanders wrappers were 6 packages of Wet Wipes and two pounds of pure uncut Cocaine. The grouch-powder had been packed in 4 white plastic wrappers, like 4 identical tubes of Jimmy Dean Whole Hog Spicy Sausage. One taste verified the claim stamped on the packages- 100% PURE. So this was how Mom was supplementing those Social Security Checks. I tossed all four tubes onto the coffee table aand took a deep pull at the Duff's.Looked like Mom was getting more than exploding tiples in the mail- she must be caught up in the Gentry scheme as well. I heard the rumble of a Springer Soft-tail as it pulled up in front of the apartment, and what sounded like a car door slamming. I left the Coke where it lay. The key turned in the lock, the door swung open. One look told me that the next five minutes were going to answer a lot of questions. There was Mom and Brunette Big-Bosomed Baby Gentry, followed closely by Blonde Baby Gentry and Fongoul. Blondie and Fongoul were holding Tec 9 pistols. Mom and Brunette were holding their hands in the air.


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: WyoWoman
Date: 27 Jun 99 - 06:04 PM

5. None of the above.

It was a stack of brand-new, crisp and shiny $1,000 bills. They looked freshly laundered.

Suddenly, I had a sinking feeling in my gut. could Mom be in on this money-laundering scheme? But if that was so, why had someone tried to kill her? And why had she left the house with this bundle of money in the fridge? And how much longer can this chapter get before someone starts fussing about how long it takes to load?


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: Peter T.
Date: 27 Jun 99 - 03:36 PM

Choose one: (1) Moose Turd Pie;
(2)Frozen Horse Turd on a Stick;
(3) The SnowCones of Yesteryear;
(4) Dragonbits.


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Subject: RE: True Detective Stories
From: Fadac
Date: 27 Jun 99 - 03:05 PM

When I got to Mom's digs, she wasn't there. I could tell right away. The Harley was missing from the living room. Mom had one hell of a time ridding that thing up a flight of stairs, but at least here it was eiser than the old 4th floor ride up.

I decided to take a break, after riding around in that stupid Montana with cowboys jumping in from trains and all that crap, I was pooped. I figgured I'd just grab a Duff's and crap out on the couch for a bit.

I open the door to the 'fridge, and what do I see? Three cans of Duff's, half a Pizza, half gallon of milk, dated Feb. 1988 (don't want that), and a box of fried chicken.

Hmm, Duff's & the chicken, finger lick'n good. So I grabs the chicken & a couple of beers and head for the living room. I kick my shoes off and pop a top on Duff's number one. Take a big drink, then open up the box of chicken.

"Holy Sheep Shit!" This ain't chicken in this box! It's..;.


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