Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?

Subject: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: SINSULL
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 11:31 AM

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28893909/

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: Roger in Baltimore
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 11:37 AM

SINSULL,

Apparently you have way too much time on your hands. You are obviously reading an excessive amount of useless material.

Roger in Baltimore

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: Megan L
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 11:38 AM

You snowbound again lassie :)

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: Bert
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 11:46 AM

And what about accordian nipple?

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: katlaughing
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 12:06 PM

I actually don't think guitar nipple is so far-fetched. Remember THIS THREAD?**bg**

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: Big Mick
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 12:14 PM

Wow, it is great to read that old thread. I can see Rick's face while I am reading it. Thanks for pulling it up. It is a good reminder of what made this place so special to begin with.

Mick

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: SINSULL
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 12:34 PM

Snowbound again...

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: Bill D
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 12:45 PM

OMG, kat! I just re-read all of that, and all the follow-ups & links.

Those were the days. (Yes, I DO still have the BISBA book)

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 12:52 PM

The BBCNews(TV) is still running a news trailer on the hoax. A little nonsense is welcome relief from all the depressing news about wars, murders, failing economies and Ponzi schemes.

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: Leadfingers
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 12:57 PM

Elaine Murphy was interviewed on Radio Four this afternoon - She is now a Baroness, and said it was a Joint Idea from her and her husband .

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 01:20 PM

What about ACCORDION scrotum?!?

Reminds me of a newspaper clipping I have about a nude accordionist in a laundromat in Michigan's Upper Peninsula entertaining a bunch of semi nude, dancing people while their laundry went round and round.

It occurs to me that nude accordion playing could be a bit, uh, painful for a male musician.

(Whereas a nude concertina player might not be as modest, I think delicate portions of his anatomy might be safer.)

Linn

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 01:27 PM

Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel
Sept. 6, 1995

Naked Coed Laundering
Means 5 May Face Music

Hancock, Mich. -- Five residents could face disorderly conduct charges after stripping and dancing to accordion music in the early morning hours at a coin laundry, officials said Tuesday.

Police were called to the Washtub Laundromat in the Upper Peninsula community just after 3 a.m. Saturday to investigate a call about a nude man playing an accordion as a woman stripped.

Officers found a naked man playing the accordion while two men in undershorts and two women in bras and underpants danced, Chief Mike Beaudoin said.

The officers said the quintet had come to the laundry to listen to accordion music as they washed their clothes. The five, ranging in age from 19 to 24, could be charged with disorderly conduct.

"I can't play the accordion unless I am completely nude," officers quoted the musician as saying as he put his clothes back on.

-- From the archive of Linn S. Schulz

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: Big Mick
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 01:31 PM

Linn ...... we have both been in that area.......... what else is there to do???????/

LOL.

Mick

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 01:37 PM

Yeah, Mick, I was BORN there -- in Stambaugh. I left (not exactly under my own power) before I was one and moved to the exciting state of Wisconsin for the next 20 years.

Linn

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: Jeri
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 01:41 PM

'before I was one'
Was one WHAT?! Naked accordion plsyer?

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: Big Mick
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 01:41 PM

Same region, different town. Some of the most unique folks around to be found in those little towns.

Mick

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: SINSULL
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 01:56 PM

1 year old Jeri.
Distracted are we?

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: katlaughing
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 03:04 PM

That old thread is a real hoot, isn't it. Glad you enjoyed it, Mick. I'll bet Rick's having another laugh over it all. I wondered if you still have that book, Bill! That's a keeper!

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 03:10 PM

"Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands, and all you can do is scratch it!".

This remark was attributed to Sir Thomas Beecham, the reknowned orchestra conductor. He was supposed to have said it to a female cellist, who's playing he disliked.

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: John Hardly
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 03:27 PM

"Catspaw the Naked Guitarist" once told me that he could play his guitar without a strap, even while standing up, as long as there were beautiful sheep in the room.

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: katlaughing
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 04:02 PM

He never!? Why, that's downright scandalous!

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 12:20 AM

Clarinet Penis, anyone?

Seamus

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: SonnyWalkman
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 04:18 AM

I suspect that quite a few of us have suffered from Boxcar Willie

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: Jack Campin
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 04:45 AM

Clarinet Penis, anyone?

I think you mean saxophone penis. Google for it.

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: Jack Campin
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 05:26 AM

On the other hand Google did find this for "clarinet penis"...

Clarinet Repair - a "true story"

This story comes from Larry Long, 2nd bassoon of the Owensboro Symphony, who swears it is true. He works as a woodwind repairman at Music Central in Bowling Green, KY. Last week a woman called the store asking for a repairman. The reconstructed conversation follows:

Woman: I need a repairman to come out to the house immediately.

Larry: Well, Ma'am, we don't usually make house calls. Can't you bring the instrument to the shop?

Woman: No, you don't understand, this is an emergency. My son has his penis stuck in his clarinet.

Larry: Well, Ma'am, what do you expect me to do?

Woman: I want you to come get it off!

Larry: Ma'am I'm really sorry but I can't do that. You'll have to call 911 or take him to the emergency room.

Woman: No, you don't understand, I don't want the doctor to hurt the clarinet, because it's not paid for yet.

This is the end of the story as related, but Larry says several questions come to mind:

- Which end of the clarinet?
- E-Flat?, B-flat, A, or bass?
- What Is going to happen to this kid the next time that he hears a Sousa march?

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 09:45 AM

potential cure for the nipple condition

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: GUEST,TJ in San Diego
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 11:26 AM

My wife swears that the accordian was responsible for building up her bust between eleven and fifteen years of age. She also says it was so successful that she had to give up the instrument, which became a nipple TRAP at some point...

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: bubblyrat
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 11:46 AM

Playing in a Navy marching -band,as a percussionist,I have had first-hand experience of both "side-drummer's bollocks" and "cymbal-clasher's tits" ----both quite painful conditions !

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: GUEST,Gavin Atkin
Date: 30 Jan 09 - 09:34 AM

I hesitate to mention it, but I actually experienced guitar nipple when I was a teenager - so obviously I've had time to recover. I don't think one could get it from an electric guitar with a sympathetically formed back, such as my Stratocaster, btw.

I'm also a little deaf in my left ear due to playing my fiddle. My duet concertina, by contrast, seems to have done me no damage at all.

Gav

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 03 Mar 10 - 05:31 AM

What about jaws-harp toothache?

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 03 Mar 10 - 06:33 AM

Was it Bejamin Britten who told the lady cellist;

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: Genie
Date: 04 Mar 10 - 02:34 AM

Why should it be strange that some instruments have scrotums or nipples? All guitars have g-strings.

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: EBarnacle
Date: 04 Mar 10 - 08:21 PM

Mitch Miller told the story about the lady cellist:

He was fairly new to an orchestra and, at one point during a rehearsal, the conductor stopped the action, walked over to a female cellist and stated: "Madam, you have an instrument between your legs capable of giving infinite pleasure and all you seem able to do is scratch it.

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: JennieG
Date: 04 Mar 10 - 10:22 PM

EB, I thought it was Sir Thomas Beecham? Seems the story varies with each telling...

Cheers
JennieG

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: Celtaddict
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 12:12 AM

Or rather, the story is remarkably consistent but the attribution varies widely.

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: mousethief
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 09:40 PM

The search for saxophone penis led me to a description of "watering-can penis". Don't look for it if you've just eaten.

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: Art Thieme
Date: 02 Jul 10 - 03:50 PM

This, all of it, can be traced back to the old song about a fellow named COCK ROBIN !!!!!!!

He, like Dylan, started out with a whole other given name.

Originally, as I've been told by more than one reputable source, his name was Penis Rabinowitz.

Art Thieme

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: gnu
Date: 02 Jul 10 - 06:55 PM

RObinowitz.

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 02 Jul 10 - 11:04 PM

What? Who wants me?

Robin o' t' Wits.... Twits? well Fooles Actually...

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: Art Thieme
Date: 02 Jul 10 - 11:15 PM

Cello, scrotum, guitar nipple,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the dog bites,
When the bee stings...

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 22 Sep 10 - 01:29 AM

Anyone remember when the music had balls?
Then came the 70's and 80's, and the men became sensitive little pussies!.....
...and ever since, the women never got it!....and a lot still don't!!
....Children lost at sea, pretending to be wannabe ghetto dwellers, trying to keep it up...

Meanwhile, the music has VERY LITTLE to say, except, "Look how hung up we are in the past!"

Author excluded, of course...GfS musically kicking ass!!!

GfS

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: David C. Carter
Date: 22 Sep 10 - 05:08 AM

I know a guy who suffers from "Mouth Organ".

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 22 Sep 10 - 09:57 AM

Well, French Horn players do tend to suffer from a back/hip condition, due to the required sitting position while playing.

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: Don Firth
Date: 22 Sep 10 - 02:13 PM

Brunhilde, the valkyre, doesn't worry too much about guitar nipple.

CLICKY.

Don Firth

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 22 Sep 10 - 02:26 PM

Maracca knackers

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: GUEST,Grishka
Date: 22 Sep 10 - 03:12 PM

The guitar nipple syndrome can be avoided by using a cutaway guitar. If you are right-handed, buy a cutaway guitar for left-handers. If you're picky, ask the luthier of your choice to blend a left- and a right-handed instrument. Now, if you actually need those high notes, let your left breast drop on the strings. This however may cause guitar breast weals - no cure is without side effects.

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 22 Sep 10 - 04:39 PM

Now THAT was a hilarious post!!!....

Grishka: "if you really need the high notes"???.....

YeaH!..Who in the hell 'really needs those high notes, anyway?!?


Grishka: "The guitar nipple syndrome can be avoided by using a cutaway guitar. If you are right-handed, buy a cutaway guitar for left-handers. If you're picky, ask the luthier of your choice to blend a left- and a right-handed instrument."

Or wear a really strong, tight bra...or better yet, let you breast bounce to the floor, and stand on it, to keep it from flopping around. I hate it when they flop around and get stuck in the sound hole, then 'POP' when you uncork it!! What's even worse, is when they flutter across the strings, messing up those really low notes. With a little practice, you can whip you body around, just a little, not too much, or you can send it flying across the stage and knock the bass player unconscious!

I hate when that happens!

Jeez!..I could go on!!!

GfS

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 22 Sep 10 - 05:40 PM

....and what the hell is Cello scrotum???

Just because of the advent of Viagra, you mean they're not using bows, anymore???

I knew a guy who an erection 'lasting 4 hours, or more'...he now has 1st seat in the Scottish Philharmonic!...and it wasn't because he was so tight, he couldn't afford a bow, either!...actually he was REAL tight, during 'Peter and the Wolf'.....suddenly there was a quick ripping sound, he hit the back of the chair of the viola player in front of him, and propelled himself, off the side of the stage!! It took four fire crews to dislodge him, from the indent in the brick wall. Needless to say, The Conductor of the Orchestra quickly segued into the 'King and I'!
Critics applauded the performance as inspirational, and they were glad they just could come.
No word on the viola player. She had her chair driven into the first two rows. She was last seen wearing a back brace, and dark glasses....at the announcement of her engagement,....to the Cellist!!!

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 22 Sep 10 - 06:04 PM

Is this what you mean???
Guys seem to LOVE it....even without the volume on!...
But then, why miss the music over it????


Is this 'Guitar nipple'?

GfS

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: SINSULL
Date: 22 Sep 10 - 06:14 PM

I have no recollection of starting this thread. Must have been mid-December cabin-fever.
I wish I hadn't.
SINS

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 22 Sep 10 - 06:15 PM

...and now for a better video, of that piece,(Tal wearing more foundation), but a lot clearer recording, LIVE....(for those who are more interested in the music!!!! I'd watch this, if I were you!!


Artists, at play!!

Regards,
GfS

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: Ebbie
Date: 22 Sep 10 - 09:56 PM

Guest from Sanity, in my opinion you are not amusing. Only vulgar.

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 22 Sep 10 - 10:32 PM

So??...What does that have to do with anything?
(Just a rhetorical question, you don't need to answer it)

GfS

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: Tim Leaning
Date: 23 Sep 10 - 06:07 AM

Piano ear?

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: C-flat
Date: 23 Sep 10 - 08:09 AM

A bad case of guitar neck?

..or Firemans Balls?

..or musical ear?

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 23 Sep 10 - 08:24 AM

Dire ear

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 24 Sep 10 - 05:22 AM

For those suffering with sore or cracked nipples, I would recommend soothing them with a rub with cream sherry.
There is one particular brand that helps:




Harveys 'Bristol' Cream.


Cheers
Nigel
(For anyone confused by the above, 'Bristols' is one version of rhyming slang for 'breasts', as in Bristol City's = titties.

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 24 Sep 10 - 10:59 AM

By the way, just what the hell is: " Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?"

Sure been a hoot havin' a good time with it, though....

GfS

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: GUEST,Grishka
Date: 26 Oct 10 - 12:59 PM

GfS: See Cello Scrotum; Guitar Nipple is the female equivalent.

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: Steve Gardham
Date: 09 Nov 10 - 06:17 PM

Concertina Cock? The female equivalent is unprintable.
Fiddler's elbow?
Knacker bones?
Fifer's finger?
Conductor's condition/convulsions?

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: Steve Gardham
Date: 09 Nov 10 - 06:18 PM

Any more melody maladies? It's getting late!

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: Art Thieme
Date: 10 Nov 10 - 11:02 AM

To get this back to trad music:

Remember, Cock Robin. His real name was Penis Rabinowitz!!!!!

And then there was the guy whose name was Ballsack. He wrote many, many, many novels.

Art Thieme

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: Art Thieme
Date: 10 Nov 10 - 11:12 AM

...and that Canadian, B. Cockburn. An unfortunate name...

And Lorena Bobbit---who wore a "dickie" around her neck!

She wound up in a "penile" institution I am pretty sure.

Art (who, as an infant, was brought to his parents by a dork!)

Subject: RE: Tech: Cello Scrotum? Guitar Nipple?
From: Art Thieme
Date: 10 Nov 10 - 11:18 AM

And on Twatter, you can send me a "twat." The wonders of modern high tech.

Vowels are wonderful in what they can achieve. Better than alchemy.