Lyr ADD: searching for Archibald Arsehole

Subject: Lyr Req: searching for Archibald Arsehole
From: bodgie
Date: 04 Feb 09 - 07:02 PM

I am looking for the words to what I suspect is a monologue or poem about a young boy called Archibald Arsehole. His teacher (I think) is asking him where he got his name from etc.

any lines would be appreciated

[e-mail]

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: searching for Archibald Arsehole
From: RTim
Date: 04 Feb 09 - 07:26 PM

It is my wife's "tour d'force" - she can pick people out in the room
and rhyme their names before getting to Archbald S. Holebrook!

However, I see little chance she would write it out - it's impossible!

Tim Radford

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: searching for Archibald Arsehole
From: JennieG
Date: 04 Feb 09 - 07:27 PM

I have heard Viv Sawyer do this poem at a festival - could have been the Illawarra festival at either Bulli, or Jamberoo in years gone by? And I think Arch Bishop does it. I can email him for you if you like.

Cheers
JennieG

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: searching for Archibald Arsehole
From: Louie Roy
Date: 04 Feb 09 - 08:25 PM

This is the way I learned it over 60 years ago
A boy went to school and the teacher asked him what his name was and he said my name is
Archibald asshole broke and the teacher said how do you spell it and Archibald said I don't know.The teacher told Archibald that there is a new alphabet we use now and there is a special way that you have to spell your name. She hollered at Willee Jones to get up and show Archibald how to spell his name so Willee got up and said my name is Willee Jones
Will there is the Will
Lee theres is the Lee the Willee
Jones Theres the Jones The Lee Jones The Willee Jones and that's my name
The teacher then asked Archibald if he understood and he said absolutely
My name is Archibald Ass Hole Broke
Arch theres the Arch
I theres the I the Arch I
Bald theres the bald
Theres the I bald theres the Archibald bald
Ass theres the ass
Theres the bald ass the I bald ass the Archibald ass Hole there hole the Ass hole the bald ass hole the I bald ass hole the Archibald ass hole
Broke theres the broke the hole broke the ass hole broke the bald ass hole broke The I bald ass hole broke The Archibald ass hole broke and that's my name


To start each one you must spell it such as
ARCH
I
Bald
ASS
Hole
Broke
and of course you should learn so you can say it very fast (ENJOY)

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: searching for Archibald Arsehole
From: bodgie
Date: 04 Feb 09 - 11:20 PM

Louie Roy - you are a champion for writing this twister down.
I plan to learn it immediately.

I never cease to wonder at the amazing resource Mudcat provides and how its readers can come up with missing treasures like this one. I wonder where it started? Music Hall?

JenniG - do you think Viv's version is the same?

Warren Fahey
www.warrenfahey.com
australian folklore unit

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: searching for Archibald Arsehole
From: JennieG
Date: 04 Feb 09 - 11:46 PM

Warren, I don't remember Viv doing Broke at the end - I think in her version the boy was called Archibald Arseholem. Perhaps that's the folk process at work?

Cheers
JennieG

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: searching for Archibald Arsehole
From: GUEST,Paddy
Date: 05 Feb 09 - 05:23 AM

Try St. Neots Folk Club on Tuesday March 24th. at ' Worx' , South Steet, St. Neots, Cambs. PE19 2BW

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: searching for Archibald Arsehole
From: JennieG
Date: 05 Feb 09 - 06:07 AM

Guest Paddy, that's a bit difficult - bodgie and I are in Sydney, Oz.

Cheers
JennieG

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: searching for Archibald Arsehole
From: Aeola
Date: 05 Feb 09 - 10:39 AM

Last time I heard this one was 47 years when my mate's father delivered it as a monologue at someone or other's 21st do. As I recall the name he used was Archibald Arsenhole. Ah memories!!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: searching for Archibald Arsehole
From: Louie Roy
Date: 05 Feb 09 - 12:48 PM

I have no idea who wrote this but I learned it aboard ship in 1945 and I've always believe some Swabbie wrote it.At that time since they didn't have recorders persue you learned it from listening to whoever spoke it.I have never seen it in print and I never heard the other title that has been posted. Louie Roy

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: searching for Archibald Arsehole
From: Mr Happy
Date: 06 Feb 09 - 09:25 AM

When I heard it, he was called Archibald Barearsehole!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: searching for Archibald Arsehole
From: JohnB
Date: 06 Feb 09 - 10:03 AM

A guy who worked for me used to do this joke.
He eventually got promoted to President before the place closed completely.
I on the other hand got laid off and retired early and I love it.
JohnB.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: searching for Archibald Arsehole
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 07 Feb 09 - 07:40 PM

Would you believe there are several versions of this joke on YouTube?

Archibald Assholebroke

Archibald Barrasol

Archibald Barasol

Archibald Bareasshole

Archibald Arseholebroke

Archibald Barisol

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: searching for Archibald Arsehole
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 08 Feb 09 - 06:33 PM

Both my father (in Wisconsin) and Curmudgeon's father (in New Hampshire) recited "Archibald Assholin" -- very similar words, I understand, but Tom's father passed away before I met Tom.

In 1997 at my parents' 50th wedding anniversary gathering, I taped my father's recitation. (And a bunch of stories, etc. -- glad I did because he passed away in 2000.) Alas, I haven't transcribed the tape. (I know, I know.)

Linn

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: searching for Archibald Arsehole
From: GUEST,Tribal9499
Date: 12 Aug 09 - 04:01 PM

I always heard it with the same premise, little boy in school and teacher asks him to spell his name a certain way etc but in the version I heard he's reluctant to do it (like he's had to do this before and knows better). The teacher keeps pushng him to do it and finally he says "Ok, here goes..."

The version I've heard the boy's name is Archibald Bareasshole. Basically you break the name up phonetically, Arch - I - Bald Bare - Ass - Hole. You spell each section and then pronounce it. After each section you add the previous section(s) each time, like so:

You got your A-R-C-H Arch.

You got your I, I.
You got your Arch-I.

You got your B-A-L-D, Bald.
You got your I-Bald.
You got your Arch-I-Bald.

You got your B-A-R-E, Bare.
You got your Bald Bare.
You got your I-Bald-Bare.
You got your Arch-I-Bald-Bare.

You got your A-S-S, Ass.
You got your Bare-Ass.
You got your Bald-Bare-Ass.
You got your I-Bald-Bare-Ass.
You got your Arch-I-Bald-Bare-Ass.

You got your H-O-L-E, Hole.
You got your Ass-Hole.
You got your Bare-Ass-Hole.
You got your Bald-Bare-Ass-Hole.
You got your I-Bald-Bare-Ass-Hole.
You got your Arch-I-Bald-Bare-Ass-Hole.

Archibald Bareasshole, and that's my name.
You asked for it lady. :)

Hope this helps.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: searching for Archibald Arsehole
From: Peace
Date: 12 Aug 09 - 04:42 PM

"searching for Archibald Arsehole"

I would suggest starting with the movie, "Spaceballs".

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: searching for Archibald Arsehole
From: GUEST,eddanderson
Date: 12 Dec 10 - 10:50 AM

Ya'll screw up the joke by sayin Archiebald ass hole broke ! It's pronounced from the beginning archiblad a~sholebroke. The asshole bald asshole and so on comes out while he is spelling his name ! And you don't say ,   "you got your" ,   you just spell it, thats what makes it funny, a r c h    arch
i   arch i
b a l d    bald
i bald archibald
a s s   ass
bald ass   i bald ass   archie bald ass
h o l e    hole
asshole bald asshole   i bald asshole   archiebald asshole
b r   o k   e    broke
hole broke    asshole broke bald asshole broke   i bald asshole broke,   archiebald asshole broke   then you say his full name, archiebald a~sholebroke.. and the boy and the beginning is   willie b robinson
w i l    wil
l i   e    lee
will lee
b    lee b wille b lee
r o   b   rob
b rob lee b rob willie b rob
i n   in
robin    b robin lee b robin willie b robin
s o n son
inson robinson b robinson lee b robinson wille b robinson !!
The whole purpose of the joke is for the "asshole" and all of that to come out while he is spelling his name the way they do at his new school. Don't ruin the joke by saying his name is archie bald ass hole broke from the beginning, all that comes out when he spells his name the "new" way. a~shole broke, pronounced like   "muscleshols", i spelt that wrong, but hope you get the message. archibald a~sholebroke.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: searching for Archibald Arsehole
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 13 Dec 10 - 04:11 AM

A friend in the RASC [Royal Army Service Corps, now renamed as {wait for it!} the Royal Logistics Corps!!!] in 1951, told this as an error by a teacher who misheard a new pupil's name, Archibald Izal Benton-Brown, as Archibald Arsehole Been-Done Brown {"been" pronounced in old upper-class aphetic mode as "bin"}: & instructs him how to spell her mishearing of this, in rational terms, incredible name. Which makes a certain sense absent in most versions, while still retaining the hi-speed patter effect.

♫~Michael~♫

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: searching for Archibald Arsehole
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 14 Dec 10 - 03:16 PM

I see that a couple of the YouTube videos that I linked to earlier have been removed. There are a few new ones, however:

Archibald Barisol, performed by comedian John Fox

Archibald Joke told by Graham Lyon

Archibald Barisol by an unknown performer

Archibald Barisol take 2

Archibal Barasol

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: searching for Archibald Arsehole
From: GUEST,AJ in PA
Date: 06 Oct 11 - 11:35 PM

My grandma taught me this joke back in the 90's. Never knew where she learned it-- but it's amazing to hear that other people know it too, although they're different versions!

Mine was William Samson (the boy who was the example)

and Archibaldas Holebroke.

-From Andrea in Pittsburgh, PA

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: searching for Archibald Arsehole
From: GUEST,kendall
Date: 07 Oct 11 - 01:14 AM

Gordon Menzies of Gaberlunzie does this one.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: searching for Archibald Arsehole
From: GUEST
Date: 01 Apr 12 - 08:27 AM

Archibald Arsolendin

The joke starts with the teacher trying to explain how to break words down in order to remember how to spell them. The teacher uses several word, then several names as examples (think of your own) and then asks the students if they could sound out their names using this method. Archibald Arsolendin volunteers …



A-r-c-h; you've got your 'arch'
I; you've your 'i', you've got your 'arch i'
B-a–l-d; you've got your 'bald', you've got your 'i bald', you've got your 'arch i bald'
A-r-s; you've got your 'ars', you've got your 'bald ars', you've got your 'i bald ars', you've got your 'arch i bald ars'
O-l; you've got your 'ol', you've got your 'ars ol', you've got your 'bald ars ol', you've got your 'i bald ars ol'
E-n-d; you've got your 'end', you've got your 'ol end', you've got your 'ars ol end', you've got your 'bald ars ol end', you've got your 'i bald ars ol end', you've got your 'arch i bald ars ol end'
I-n; you've got your 'in', you've got your 'end in', you've got your 'ol end in', you've got your 'ars ol end in', you've got your 'bald ars ol end in', you've got your 'arch i bald ars ol end in'

Hope this helps. I have been thinking of this joke lately (I used to be able to say it quickly)and googled it and found your query. Back to my assignment …

Jane

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: searching for Archibald Arsehole
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Jan 17 - 05:31 PM

It's actually "Archibald Arseholendin"

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: searching for Archibald Arsehole
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Dec 18 - 03:47 PM

I made a very drunk Aussie tell it to me over and over until I learnt it - around 1963-ish. He used Frances Turner and Tommy Tucker as examples. By the third or fourth time he was having trouble breathing. That made the whole thing even funnier. He ended "And that's me name, phonetics teacher!" which had an exhausted and exasperated tone that punched the ending nicely. He also kept saying "DO IT NOW, SAID THE GIRL, WITH THE DIMPLE AND THE CURL." Can anybody source that?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: searching for Archibald Arsehole
From: GUEST,Sharon H
Date: 04 Jun 21 - 05:37 PM

My version of this, learned from my father, is an archbishop comes to the school and teaches a boy called William Penrose how to spell his name using syllables. Wil Liam Pen Rose and when he gets to the back of the class he comes to Archibald Arseholebrokd Arch Hi Bald Arse Hole Broke. How I was thought to say it was
First you have your Wil your W I l, then you have your Liam your L I A M, you have your Liam Will, you have your William, then you have your Pen your P E N your pen, you have your Pen Liam, you have your Liam Pen, You have your Pen Liam Wil, you have your Wil liam Pen, then you have your Rose your R O S E your Rose, so you have your Rose Pen, your Pen Rose, you have your Rose Pen Liam, your Liam Pen Rose, you have your Rose Pen Liam Wil, you have your Wil Liam Pen Rose. Then he comes to Archhibald and scorns him by saying he's too stupid to spell his name. Archibald says he heard the bishop telling William Penrose how to spell his name and that he can do likewise. The bishop challenges him under pain of the strap is he's lying to him. Archibald sets off. You have to do it the same way that William Penrose is say, forward and backward all the way. It makes it much harder to say it quickly but it is much funnier. Arch Hi Bald Arse Hole Broke.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: searching for Archibald Arsehole
From: GUEST
Date: 27 May 22 - 08:00 AM

The version I remember was Archibald Arsehole Torn. It was hilarious when recited

Subject: RE: Lyr ADD: searching for Archibald Arsehole
From: GUEST,Guest
Date: 23 Jun 22 - 05:57 AM

We have been looking everywhere for the version of Archibald Arse-all-torn. My dad used to recite it amidst fits of laughter from our young sons. I want to learn it for my grandsons!