BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town

Subject: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 04:19 PM

Police reports are mostly serious incidents, but in our small town, the local paper prints police reports that are often the funniest thing in the newspaper.

From the weekend, we have this police report:

"A man at Greenbelt Drive heard his stolen antlers had been located and wanted them back."

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 04:20 PM

and this one...

"An intoxicated woman called to report that she was locked out of her house. She was instructed to stay with a friend and call a locksmith in the morning."

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Melissa
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 04:46 PM

One of my favorites was a Raid/Bust where they confiscated marijuana.
The marijuana was growing along fencerows and they pulled it up, put it in the trunk of a police car..took a picture.

Front page headline:
"Street Value, $10,000"

Ditchweed is not exactly a big discovery in this area.
I guess it isn't a very funny story..but I sure do laugh about it and have for a long time. Ten thousand dollar value on a trunk full of headache..

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 04:52 PM

I got an email a couple years ago from the local PD:

"Thanks to all who helped get the dead cow out of the river."

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: frogprince
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 04:54 PM

It's several years since the paper in our itty-bitty "city" reported that the police were looking for a male who entered a local store and exposed the bra and panties he was wearing. I always wondered what they intended to charge him with; there was no apparent implication that he exposed any "naughty bits".

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Wesley S
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 05:03 PM

My old hometown of Largo Florida had a story that made the national news. It seems like a very drunk man called 911 to report that he was surrounded by the police and could they please send some help? The 911 operator said she could hear the officers laughing in the background.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 05:07 PM

Today at lunch I heard the conversation at the next table. It's what made me think of our funny police reports:

Someone called 911 and asked, "When is it going to stop snowing?"

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 05:18 PM

A few weeks ago, police here in Pensacola were pursuing a fleeing thief who had robbed a convenience store. They received an unexpected assist in the capture when the fleeing felon's pants fell down during the chase, causing him to fall flat on his face in the street.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Sorcha
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 05:24 PM

Dang! I can't REMEMBER any...you'd think I could, I hear enough of them.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 06:08 PM

An accidental 911 call was received and upon follow up, the man who had called said "his butt dialed."

-A woman called about a stuffed Easter bunny in the middle of 19th Avenue. She was concerned someone would try to get the bunny and be hit by a car.

A man who appeared to be passed out in a vehicle on North Seventh Avenue was just taking a nap between making deliveries.

- Two cows in a driveway on Norris Road were headed for the road around 9:30 a.m.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 06:10 PM

Thursday February 26, 2009
- A resident of South Third Avenue wanted to speak with an officer regarding a mouse she had found in her kitchen.
---

(I wonder what the mouse was doing.)

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: frogprince
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 06:22 PM

The same summer as the undies incident, several customers who bought clothing at another local store reported finding dirty polaroid photos in the pockets. Never heard just how dirty, nor any indication of whodunit.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Jack Campin
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 06:39 PM

Metro, Dec 18, 2007

I won't gravel, but I just couldn't kerb my feelings
===================================

A teenager who tried to have sex with a pavement claimed yesterday it was a drunken prank.

Motorists looked on in amazement as Steven Marshall took down his trousers before starting to simulate sexual intercourse.

The 18-year-old also exposed himself and carried out a sex act in view of a female taxi driver in his home town of Galashiels in the Borders.

Marshall admitted a charge of public indecency yesterday at Selkirk Sheriff Court wand was put on probation for 12 months.

But his lawyer argued there was not a significant sexual aspect to the case.

As a result, Sheriff Kevin Drummond decided not to place Marshall's name on the Sex Offenders Register, although he described his behavious as "bizarre".

Mark Harrower, defending, told the court: "He is a perfectly normal 18-year-old but he does have this arthritis condition which troubles him and requires medication, while he was drinking alcohol to excess".

He said the offence was more of a prank in front of his friends after drinking half a litre of vodka and there was not a "significant sexual aspect" to the case which would result in registration.

"He does appear to be very ashamed about it and very shocked at his behaviour".

But Sheriff Drummond said: "This is bizarre.

"Anyone who lies on the road in the daylight, is significantly intoxicated and is partially undressed has a problem." However, he added, "This was plainly a drunken episode in which caused distress to members of the public but I acceot that your behaviour was not primarily sexually motivated."

Describing the offence, procurator fiscal Graham Fraser said the incident came to light as two people drove past Marshall. He said: "They could see his trousers were down to his knees.

"When the woman looked back, he had turned on to his front and was in the press-up position on the pavement simulating sexual intercourse."

Mr Fraser said there was no evidence of children being around at the time of the offence and there was concern for his safety when he was lying on the road.

Marshall pleaded guilty to committing an offence of public indecency in Galashiels on June 17.

[Not much point in making it a Song Challenge since the Beatles already got there. However, Selkirk was the court where Walter Scott presided as a justice, so maybe something in the style of the Minstrelsy of the Scottish Border or the Lay of the Last Minstrel?

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Ebbie
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 06:49 PM

About 10 years ago a Juneau woman picked up a totally naked man who was walking along the roadway and brought him downtown to his clothes. When she was asked how she had dared pick him up she replied that she could see he was unarmed.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: ClaireBear
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 07:11 PM

In general, the local paper's "Cops and Courts" column is depressingly free of diverting crime reports. there are, however, occasional departures from the norm...like this one:

"The Sheriff's Office reported today that there's nothing new in the search for the naked man seen posing like Superman near Aptos High School."


Here's another from the paper's online blog:

"Two guys who live up in the Soquel hills near the Summit got into it last night — while one piloted a backhoe and the other drove the "ranch car," a 1985 yellow Cadillac DeVille. They banged the vehicles into each other for a bit, then got into a fist fight, according to the Sheriff's Office. The guy in the Caddy managed to get away, hopped on a four-wheeler and rode it down to Soquel San Jose Road, where he called 911. They took the other guy to jail for assault with a deadly weapon — the backhoe. Believe it or not, deputies say alcohol was involved."

Claire

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: curmudgeon
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 07:41 PM

From the Rochester (NH) Times:

Rochester police log - 3/29/09 to 4/5/09

Thursday, April 16, 2009

ROCHESTER — The following items, based on entries in the Rochester Police Log, were selected from 1,206 calls for service from March 29 to April 5:

Sunday, March 29

12:26 a.m. — There's five people fighting on Little Falls Bridge Road, there's wrestling and yelling and smashing of glass, the police race round quickly despite a big workload, but no one will talk — what a pain in the neck.

12:41 a.m. — Vehicles have been freshly egged in the Winkley Farm Lane area.

12:56 a.m. — As a motorist drives near the airport, a gentleman in a ball cap and baggy pants runs out into the road, causing her to swerve.

1:54 a.m. — Near Shoreyville Plaza a 16-year-old is taken into protective custody; Timothy R. Balch, 19, of 154 Meaderboro Road, is charged with drug possession.

2:05 a.m. — Teens party too loudly in a Wakefield Street apartment.

3:29 a.m. — Ashley Razillard, 19, of 60 Young St., Barrington, is charged with driving after suspension and suspended registration.

8:35 a.m. — A Moose Lane resident has been stuck with a fraudulent check for $3,800 by an acquaintance.

8:36 a.m. — A Strafford Road boxer named Bauer's been missing for hours and hours. When the owner calls May Day, it's caught by the lady who controls all the city's bow-wowwers.

9:25 a.m. — A spate of shot-out windows are reported.

2:47 p.m. — On Franklin Street dogs fight, and owners get into a spat.

7:07 p.m. — A bike has been stolen from Roseberry Lane.

7:53 p.m. — At the station, a woman reports that she went home "to find a condom with fluid on the door handle of her residence." She lacks rubber gloves and doesn't want to touch it. Police remove the item and throw it away.

These reports are compiled by former Mudcatter, John Nolan, and are worth reading on a bi-weekly basis - Tom

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: curmudgeon
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 07:43 PM

The URL for the Rochester Times is:

http://www.fosters.com/apps/pbcs.dll/section?category=ROCTIMES

Scroll down for "Police Logs."

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Ed T
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 08:24 PM

Halifax police hunt serial bum-grabber
Charles Mandel, CanWest News Service
Published: Friday, August 10, 2007

Experts are warning that a butt-grabbing bike rider who has sexually assaulted at least eight women in Halifax in recent months might become even more aggressive.

Because the individual has repeatedly struck despite attention from police and the media, it is likely he will "up the ante,'' said Brad Kelln, a clinical and forensic psychologist and professor at Dalhousie University in Halifax.

"That suggests to me the person is really having great difficulty controlling the behaviour,'' Kelln said.

The suspect -- who has struck throughout central Halifax at night -- rides up behind his victims and gropes them in the buttocks. In two instances, he has also assaulted women and in several cases he tried to strike up conversations with them.

Kelln said such offenders often first work up their courage to commit their crime even though they're aware it's wrong and could carry consequences. But as they get away with their deviance each successive time, they become bolder and may well "up the ante so that other behaviours will follow."

William Pitt, a criminologist at the University of Alberta in Edmonton, agreed the bike rider could become more extreme in his behaviour. "Is there a concern? Yes. Is it possible it will accelerate? Yes."

Halifax police seized a bicycle early Wednesday from a man matching the description of the rider, but the individual bolted through neighbouring backyards. The suspect is described as a white male in his mid-20s with short hair and an average build.

Losing his bike may not necessarily stop the man, Pitt said. "The sexual drive is very strong. He'll use whatever means it takes to satisfy his deviancy."

© The Calgary Herald 2007

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 09:36 PM

January 3, 1916: a man is arrested for stealing coal; he is also cnk. Sentence: $10.

May 3, 1916: A man is arrested for exceeding the speed limit on Main Street on his horse. Fined $25.

July 1, 1916: three boys are arrested for breaking light globes with rocks. Sentence: Pay for the globes and be turned over to their parents.

August 15, 1918. Six people are arrested for fornication at the St. Marie's Hotel. Dismissed for "shortage of evidence."

October 3, 1918. A unidentified man is arrested for "dementia." To leave town by 6 p.m.

October 4, 1918. A man is arrested for using foul language in front of a woman. Sentence: $5 fine.

November 10, 1918. A man is arrested for desertion from the Army. Turned over to the Army.

November 11, 1918. Several people are arrested for discharging firearms into the air, drunkeness, disturbing the peace and "rowdiness." Cases are dismissed.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 09:46 PM

A caller reported seeing a vehicle driving westbound on West Garfield Street with a hand sticking out of the trunk. A Montana Highway Patrol officer said he'd seen the same vehicle with a rubber arm hanging out of it last week.

- A sleepy-sounding man told a dispatcher that he had rolled over onto his phone in his sleep and inadvertently dialed 911. There was no emergency.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 10:04 PM

- A kid wanted to know how to handle his little brother bothering him without resorting to violence.

* A resident of Ravalli Street said her upstairs neighbors were "jumping up and down and causing her pictures on her wall to move." The upstairs neighbors were playing a board game and were warned by police.

- A resident of South Third Avenue reported that someone had driven through her yard and drove over a 10-foot tree sometime during the night. She thought the culprit might have been trying to hit a snowman in the yard.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 28 Apr 09 - 10:56 AM

from Sunday reports,

* Officers, responding to a report of a group of suspicious men in front of a bar on East Main Street, found they were having a rap competition.

* A man called 911 because he and his roommate's girlfriend were arguing about toilet paper. The two were given a warning.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Riginslinger
Date: 28 Apr 09 - 10:45 PM

Mudcatters need to compile a book. This is amazing material.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 28 Apr 09 - 10:50 PM

Looking back at these reports, it makes me smile, having my home town be so non-violent that the police reports are about snowmen, board games, and toilet paper.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 28 Apr 09 - 11:06 PM

Disorderly conduct at the Greentree Apartments reported Sunday when a man kept "pleading for his girlfriend to come back". Officers told the man to go home.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: katlaughing
Date: 28 Apr 09 - 11:17 PM

This one was rather cheeky:

Yard-sale trio ticketed

It's expected that people will have yard sales this time of year — but not in someone else's yard.

Mesa County Sheriff's Department deputies responded to a report from the 300 block of Rosevale Drive that three people were camping in a woman's yard and holding a sale there Thursday.

The three were issued trespass notices and told by police not to return, according to the Mesa County Sheriff's Department

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 28 Apr 09 - 11:18 PM

• A woman called from Whitehall to say her husband had left from Pipestone without her early Saturday morning. She was riding in the back of his semi cab when they stopped in Pipestone, and he apparently didn't realize she had got out of the vehicle. She asked deputies to watch the truck stops around Bozeman and alert him of her absence.

• A "concerned citizen" reported late Saturday that the coffee pot in Columbia Paint Store was on, but no one from the store could be located.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 28 Apr 09 - 11:22 PM

• A woman reported Tuesday a man who continually calls her, sends flowers, writes letters and gives her meat.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 29 Apr 09 - 10:33 AM

from today's paper....


* Someone sealed all the drains of the washers and dryers in the laundry room of a building on South Black Avenue with spray foam insulation.

* * A pedestrian on West Main Street reported that a pigeon appeared to be stuck between a shade and window on the second floor above Cactus Records.

* A woman who was asking residents of an apartment building on South 15th Avenue strange questions turned out to be working for the U.S. Census Bureau.

* A deputy interviewed three people, including two girls who were "stoned," on Happy Lane around 11:30 a.m. The deputy found three pipes and a bag of "what appeared to be marijuana" in the girls' vehicle.

(so that's why they call it Happy Lane)

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 28 May 09 - 08:32 PM

from today's paper....

A farmer was injured after a bull sat on him around 2:30 p.m.

--

A man tried to pay his bill with a "ridiculously fake $100 bill" at an establishment on East Main Street. The bill was later determined to be genuine.

--

A woman received a movie in the mail from a man she didn't know.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 29 May 09 - 12:00 AM

From Tuesday this week....

- A woman reported that while she was on the phone with her boyfriend, who was celebrating his 21st birthday, he said he needed to vomit, stepped away from the phone and never came back. Officers went to the man's home to check on him, but could not locate him.

From last Saturday....
- An individual contacted police with questions about transporting a rifle while riding a bicycle.

From last Monday....

- An intoxicated man drinking a can of chicken noodle soup walked into a residence he thought was his on Olive Street and politely left when asked.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 29 May 09 - 09:32 AM

* A man was yelling "Rosie" for at least 10 minutes just before midnight in Kountz Trailer Park on Huffine Lane.

(there's a song in there somewhere)

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: GUEST,melinda
Date: 29 May 09 - 01:49 PM

In my town at different times, police responded to a "possible untimely" and a complaint about a "funny smell," were on the lookout for "two white men and a caucasian," and when someone tried to hold up the Chinese restaurant, there were four cops having dinner there.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 29 May 09 - 03:44 PM

"two white men and a caucasian"....

oh..
my...
gawd

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 31 May 09 - 12:53 PM

* Six young men were walking down Meagher Avenue yelling profanities around 11 p.m. They were playing "Dragnet."

* Officers responded to a report of "a million people" outside a residence on Koch Street causing a lot of noise around 12:30 a.m. They found three people outside "chatting quietly."

* A woman complained that buffalo were being hazed onto her property on Lakeside Road around 10 a.m.

* A resident of Horse Butte also said buffalo were being hazed onto his property.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: wysiwyg
Date: 31 May 09 - 01:17 PM

A lot of the ones here seem funny until you realize they are part of a culture that takes them quite seriously. It's easy to mock a culture one does not understand.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Crow Sister (off with the fairies)
Date: 31 May 09 - 01:30 PM

Which cultures? Don't understand that comment.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: GUEST,Ted
Date: 31 May 09 - 01:36 PM

Last year a local Irish newspaper had a featured article headlined 'Last Chance to Enter Miss Leitrim'.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: wysiwyg
Date: 31 May 09 - 01:43 PM

I reacted poorly to a police report item I saw as coming from what some folks call "Hillbilly" or "White Trash" or "Rural" culture. Some of the police reports referenced, tho not using those terms, clearly reflect that culture. I live in that culture. I work in that culture, in many ways that require respect for that culture. Sometimes my advocacy can be "mother bear" type.

It's a continuing pattern at Mudcat, but because it does not feature color-racism, it usually passes without comment. I have written extensively about this culture, but I still react poorly when I see how poorly it is understood. It's largely a matter of unexamined class stereotypes.

BTW we have other members steeped in those cultures, who I (and many others) admire. Older, wiser, and a lot nicer than I am.


With apologies,

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 31 May 09 - 05:12 PM

- A 911 call from a home on Eustis Road at 6:31 p.m. was made by a 6-year-old girl, who told deputies she was "just practicing."

- Just after midnight, multiple people came very close to fighting over multiple things on Highland Boulevard.

And a call from around Christmas time last year:

- A caller on North Fourth Avenue complained that a car was parked in front of her home for 45 minutes with its lights on. The couple inside were exchanging gifts in the car because the woman was allergic to the man's house cat. (Wow! That's my street! It's only 2 blocks long... I wonder who that was).

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 01 Jun 09 - 05:05 PM

- A resident of Finnegan Lane reported that his neighbor's dog was chasing his llamas.

- A man entered a bank on North 19th Avenue at 10:12 a.m. and asked to see money. He looked at the bills, holding them up to the light and then left.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Bainbo
Date: 01 Jun 09 - 08:47 PM

We had a guy who lifted a manhole cover so he could throw it through Woolworths' window. He lifted it over his head, overbalanced, and fell back into the uncovered manhole.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Leadfingers
Date: 01 Jun 09 - 09:15 PM

Sadly neither the police nor the local paper here seem to have any ability to produce anything of a similar standard . Thats in Hayes West London UK

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 01 Jun 09 - 10:30 PM

- A caller wanted to know how he could evict his live-in girlfriend from his house. Deputies advised him to ask her to leave.

- A deputy responded to a report of a naked person lying on the interstate near Manhattan. The deputy discovered that it was not a person. It was a blowup doll.

- A man on West Babcock Street complained to police about a person accusing him of pointing his finger at a person.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 01 Jun 09 - 10:31 PM

(That's Manhattan, Montana, by the way).

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 01 Jun 09 - 10:34 PM

All on the same day shortly before 4th of July:

A golf cart on McIlhattan Road was damaged with a sparkler bomb.

A sparkler bomb was detonated in a concession stand at a park on Cottonwood Road. The explosive destroyed kitchen appliances and damaged the building.

A portable toilet on Ellis Street was destroyed with a fireworks bomb.

A garbage can on Third Avenue was burned with a sparkler bomb.

A deputy picked up a pistol found on Jackrabbit Lane.

A stuffed animal with a fuse coming out of it was found along the frontage road. It was a sparkler bomb.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 01 Jun 09 - 10:44 PM

Two people on Gallatin Road were arguing about whose kid could beat up the other's kid.


A man from Italy was trying to make a U-turn on North Seventh Avenue. He had no experience driving larger American vehicles. He was given some lessons.


A couple got in an argument and started to push each other. The people were intoxicated and couldn't remember who started the fight. The couple agreed to go to sleep because nobody was sober enough to drive and finish their argument the next day when they're sober.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 03 Jun 09 - 02:37 PM

From this morning:

* Two men tried to come into a house on Cottonwood Road with laundry detergent and were acting very strange.

* A couple that appeared to be fighting when the man threw the woman's purse out of a vehicle on Meagher Avenue were "apparently playing around."

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 04 Jun 09 - 01:56 PM

- A suspicious man with a backpack was reported at Grotto Falls, acting strangely and wearing numerous watches and bracelets.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Mr Red
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 08:09 AM

on the subject of culture - As an electronic engineer I hear all sorts of jokes that connect things like silicon and silicone with "silly" this or that. They are not funny to me but I see where they are coming from. It is a fine line between odd = funny and sensibilities. If humour cannot highlight the ideosynchracies of our world there is something impoverished about it.