BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 01 Jan 10 - 12:02 PM

And there you have it, friends! The end of 2009?

See "1st Joke Thread of 2010"

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: wysiwyg
Date: 30 Dec 09 - 12:43 PM

A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street, when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him.

'Nice bike,' the cop said. 'Did Santa bring it to you?'

'Yes Sir,' the little girl said, 'he sure did!'

The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation.

The cop said, 'Give this to your Dad, and next year, tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it!'

The young girl looked up at the cop and said, 'Nice horse you've got there Sir. Did Santa bring it to you?'

Playing along with the girl, he chuckled and answered, 'Yes, he sure did!'

The little girl looked up at the cop and said: 'Next year tell Santa:
The dick goes underneath the horse, not on top'!!!

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Joe_F
Date: 29 Dec 09 - 09:38 PM

Overheard at a sing: "What's a joint like this doing in a nice girl like you?"

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Donuel
Date: 29 Dec 09 - 02:19 PM

Annonymous lost and found life plan memo:

1 Quit job.
2 Keep all that website money
3 Hire someone to write an autobiography.
4 Hire someone to proof read autobiography.
5 Use money to sue that no good boyfriend of my daughter.
6 Become President.
7 snub that damn muslim terrorist at the innauguration ceremony.
8 Get even with EVERYBODY.

9 repeat 1-4

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Donuel
Date: 29 Dec 09 - 12:45 PM

How to have an enjoyable International flight:

Do not travel alone.
Do not bring liquids or powders or anything in tin foil.
Do not appear nervous or frustrated.
Do not have a thousand yard stare expression.
Do not be seen looking at a map.
Do not say hello to anyone named Jack.
Do not say Yeah man.
Do not discuss that pilots now earn as much as $15,000 a year.
Do not have a name with the consecutive letters AL, AR or MO
Do not wear a tampon.
Do not wear Depends.
Do not use talcum powder.
Do not feel uncomfortable as TSA employees titter and point at your Xray.
Do not go to bathroom on the plane in the final hour of a flight.
Do not use blanket or pillow.
Do not say anything other than thank you to any flight attendent.
Do not say anything other than thank you to a strip cavity search.
Do not take pictures, but smile (only slightly) at all cameras on you.
Do not stare out the plane window.

Do NOT COMPLAIN or ASK for anything (including Orange Juice) even if;
you are on the wrong flight, with a load of poop in your pants from the vaseline strip search, cold as hell because you had to check your bags with your medicine, do not look scared that your cell phone and lap top were left on in your luggage and will catch fire again, see a suspicious guy lighting his underwear on fire (he might just be trying to dry his pants from having peed), appear calm even if your arms and legs go numb, or your in flight snack crawls away on its own.


Do's;


Have a good quiet relaxing time while sitting unmoving with your palms upward and empty, neither staring or appearing tired, in pain or agitated. The airline will assist you by turning down the oxygen to minimal life support levels and allowing exhaust to fill the plane.
Remember the 3 s's
Submit, surrender and sit.

Helpful hint: Appear happy and amused when your luggage is lost.

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Donuel
Date: 29 Dec 09 - 11:57 AM

sorry my typing is bad ytoday, redact the othher post if possible.



Karl Rove got a divorce today. HE requests that his privacy be respected.
no joke




The widow Mrs Alba was afraid to fly but was finally talked into a vacation in the Florida Keys when her kids insisted that getting there was half the fun. At the airport Mrs. Alba was subjected to a long and generous cavity search where upon she immediately ran to the ticket booth screaming "4 more tickets please!".

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Donuel
Date: 29 Dec 09 - 11:52 AM

Karl Rove got a divorce today. HE requests that his privacy be repected.
no joke






The widow Mrs Alba was afraid to fly but was finally talked into a vacation in the Florida Keys when her kids insisted that getting there was half the fun. At the airport Mrs. Alba was subected to a long a generous cavity search where upon she immediately ran to the ticket booth and yelled "4 more tickets please".

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 29 Dec 09 - 08:41 AM

"Bad News, Good News"

The following letter from the family's solicitor is addressed
to a member of the British aristocracy who has been
spending much of the summer in his residence in the
south of France leaving his wife in the United Kingdom to
look after the ancestral home.

Dear Sir Royston,

I hope you are having a good time on your holiday. I say
this with sincerity because I am afraid that I have some bad
news for you, although there is good news too. First the bad
news. I am sorry to tell you that your favorite dog, Honey, is
dead. The vet says that she died instantly and could have felt
no pain. She was kicked in the head by your horse, Sherbert,
though I'm sure that no blame can be attached to Sherbert,
frightened as he was by the fire in the barn.

I'm afraid that Sherbert was in the barn along with your other
horses when it burnt to the ground. The fire brigade had been
called within a short time of the barn catching fire and would
normally have been able to put the fire out. Had it had not
been for the fact that the tender crashed into your Bentley in
the lane. Your wife had taken it out for a spin with your brother.
As it was, both the tender and your Bentley were written off. No
blame can be attached to your wife for the accident I'm sure.

The Bentley was stationary at the time and your wife was in
the back seat of the car. She managed to escape death only
due to the fact that your brother was lying on top of her at
the time of the collision. The doctors say that given time she
will regain her sight but that she will never walk again. She
has also lost her memory and cannot even remember you.
Your brother, unfortunately, was killed.

I should explain how the barn came to be on fire in the first
place. You see a spark from the house blew over and set the
roof alight. The fire started in the main hall of the house where,
as you know, your Matisse and your Picasso once hung. I say
'once' because they are not there now. Fortunately neither of
these paintings were damaged in the conflagration as they
were stolen beforehand by the burglar who started the fire.

Although all of this may seem to you very serious it is not in
fact the bad news that I wrote of. Your wife and brother had
been visiting your insurance agent in prison where he is
serving a three year sentence for fraud. I'm afraid that none
of your insurance policies are valid.

As I said, there is some good news. The heat from the fire
warmed your greenhouse and brought your flowers on.

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 25 Dec 09 - 12:30 PM

Christmas at Rockaway Rest!


                     
    'Twas the night before Christmas at Rock-Away Rest,
    and all of us seniors were looking our best.
    Our glasses, how sparkly, our wrinkles, how merry;
    Our punchbowl held prune juice plus three drops of sherry.

    A bedsock was taped to each walker, in hope
    That Santa would bring us soft candy and soap.
    We surely were lucky to be there with friends,
    Secure in this residence and in our Depends.

    Our grandkids had sent us some Christmasy crafts,
    Like angels in snowsuits and penguins on rafts.
    The dental assistant had borrowed our teeth,
    And from them she'd crafted a holiday wreath.

    The bed pans, so shiny, all stood in a row,
    Reflecting our candle's magnificent glow.
    Our supper so festive -- the joy wouldn't stop --
    Was creamy warm oatmeal with sprinkles on top.

    Our salad was Jell-O, so jiggly and great,
    Then puree of fruitcake was spooned on each plate.
    The social director then had us play games,
    Like "Where Are You Living?" and "What Are Your Names?"

    Old Grandfather Looper was feeling his oats,
    Proclaiming that reindeer were nothing but goats.
    Our resident wand'rer was tied to her chair,
    In hopes that at bedtime she still would be there.

    Security lights on the new fallen snow
    Made outdoors seem noon to the old folks below.
    Then out on the porch there arose quite a clatter
    (But we are so deaf that it just didn't matter).

    A strange little fellow flew in through the door,
    Then tripped on the sill and fell flat on the floor.
    'Twas just our director, all togged out in red.
    He jiggled and chuckled and patted each head.

    We knew from the way that he strutted and jived
    Our social-security checks had arrived.
    We sang -- how we sang -- in our monotone croak,
    Till the clock tinkled out its soft eight-p.m. stroke.

    And soon we were snuggling deep in our beds.
    While nurses distributed nocturnal meds.
    And so ends our Christmas at Rock-Away Rest.
    'fore long you'll be with us, We wish you the best!

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 24 Dec 09 - 10:22 AM

"The Twelve Bugs of Christmas"

For the first bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
See if they can do it again.

For the second bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

For the third bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

For the fourth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

For the fifth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Ask for a dump
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

For the sixth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Reinstall the software
Ask for a dump
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

For the seventh bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Say they need an upgrade
Reinstall the software
Ask for a dump
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

For the eighth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Find a way around it
Say they need an upgrade
Reinstall the software
Ask for a dump
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

For the ninth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Blame it on the hardware
Find a way around it
Say they need an upgrade
Reinstall the software
Ask for a dump
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

For the tenth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Change the documentation
Blame it on the hardware
Find a way around it
Say they need an upgrade
Reinstall the software
Ask for a dump
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

For the eleventh bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Say it's not supported
Change the documentation
Blame it on the hardware
Find a way around it
Say they need an upgrade
Reinstall the software
Ask for a dump
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

For the twelfth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Tell them it's a feature
Say it's not supported
Change the documentation
Blame it on the hardware
Find a way around it
Say they need an upgrade
Reinstall the software
Ask for a dump
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 09:38 AM

"Santa and the FAA"

Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from
the Federal Aviation Administration, and it was
shortly before Christmas when the FAA examiner
arrived.

In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled
and bathe all the reindeer. Santa got out his
logbook and made sure all his paperwork was in
order.

The examiner walked slowly around the sled. He
checked the reindeer harnesses, the landing gear,
and Rudolph's nose. He painstakingly reviewed
Santa's weight and balance calculations for the
sled's enormous payload.

Finally, they were ready for the checkride. Santa
got in and fastened his seatbelt and shoulder
harness, and checked the compass. Then the
examiner hopped in carrying, to Santa's surprise,
a shotgun..

"What's that for?" asked Santa incredulously.

The examiner winked and said, "I'm not supposed
to tell you this, but you're gonna lose an engine
on takeoff."

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 01:18 PM

The Night Before Christmas -- for Parents

'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house
I searched for the tools to hand to my spouse.

Instructions were studied and we were inspired,
In hopes we could manage "Some Assembly Required."

The children were quiet (not asleep) in their beds,
While Dad and I faced the evening with dread:

A kitchen, two bikes, Barbie's townhouse to boot!
And, much thanks to Grandpa, a train with a toot!

We opened the boxes, my heart skipped a beat,
Let no parts be missing, or parts incomplete!

Too late for last-minute returns or replacement;
If we can't get it right, it goes in the basement!

When what to my worrying eyes should appear,
But 50 sheets of directions (concise, but not clear),

With each small part numbered and every slot named,
So that if we failed, only we could be blamed.

More rapid than eagles the parts then fell out,
All over the carpet they were scattered about:

Now bolt it! Now twist it! Attach it right there!
Slide on the seats, and staple the stair!

Hammer the shelves, and nail to the stand.
"Honey," said hubby, "you just glued my hand."

And then in a twinkling, I knew for a fact,
That all the toy dealers had indeed made a pact.

To keep parents busy all Christmas Eve night,
With "assembly required" 'til morning's first light.

We spoke not a word, but kept bent at our work,
'Til our eyes, they went bleary; our fingers all hurt.

The coffee went cold, and the night it wore thin,
Before we attached the last rod and last pin.

Then laying the tools away in the chest,
We fell into bed for a well-deserved rest.

But I said to my husband just before I passed out,
"This will be the best Christmas, without any doubt."

Tomorrow we'll cheer, let the holiday ring,
And not have to run to the store for a thing!

We did it! We did it! The toys are all set
For the perfect, most perfect, Christmas, I bet!

Then off to dreamland, at last sweet repose,
I gratefully went, although I suppose...

There's something to say for those self-deluded:
I'd forgotten that batteries are never included!

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 03:48 PM

"Church"

The Catholic Church's air conditioning broke down,
so they had to hire a man to crawl around in the
ducts and figure out what was wrong. As the man
peeked down through one of the vents in the
sanctuary, he saw little old Mrs. Murphy kneeling
by the altar, apparently saying her rosary.

Since the man was a fundamental Baptist, he
thought it'd be funny to try and mess with the lady's
mind. In his best authoritative voice, he said, "This is
Jesus. Your prayers will be answered."

The little old lady didn't even blink, just kept on saying
her prayers. The man decided maybe she didn't hear
him, and tried again.

"This is Jesus, the Son of God! Your prayers will be
answered!"

Again, she didn't react at all. Mustering up a big
breath of air, the man decided to try again. "THIS
IS JESUS CHRIST, THE SON OF GOD! YOUR PRAYERS
WILL BE ANSWERED!"

The lady looks up and says, "SHUT UP! I'M TALKING
TO YOUR MOTHER!"

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 09:42 AM

"Blonde vs Blonde"

This blonde was driving down an old country road
when she spots another blonde in a wheat field
rowing a boat. She pulls over to the side of the
road and stops the car. Staring in disbelief she
stands at the side of the road to watch the woman
for a while.

When she could not stand it any more she called
out to the blonde in the field. "Why are you rowing
a boat in the middle of the field?"

The blonde in the field stops rowing and responds,
"Because it is an ocean of wheat."

The blonde standing on the side of the road is furious.
She yells at the blonde in the field. "It is dumb blondes
like you that give the rest of us a bad name."

The blonde in the field just shrugged her shoulders
and began rowing again.

The blonde on the side of the road was beside herself
and shook her fist at blonde in the field yelling, "If I
could swim, I would come out there and kick your tail!"

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 17 Dec 09 - 11:35 AM

Washington D.C.'s Nativity Scene

After the Supreme Court ruled that there could be a Nativity Scene on the Capitol Mall if it was multi-denominational, several churches decided to get together and stage the holy scene.

But there were significant problems right from the start!

No, the different churches didn't argue about it, but...

    * No one has been able to find three wise men in the entire Washington D.C. metropolitan area.

    * Worse, they couldn't find a single virgin.

    * However, on the Good News front, they found enough asses to fill several stables....

We will update this story as events warrant.

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Young Buchan
Date: 16 Dec 09 - 06:00 PM

When Khruschev became leader of the CPSU he was asked if he would like to use Stalin's old office. He said yes, and was given a key ring holding a large key which opened the door and a much smaller one. Inside the room was a huge wooden desk, covered in papers and with a large number of drawers. He tried all the drawers until he found one that was locked. He remembered the small key and tried it in the lock. Sure enough the drawer opened and inside he found two sealed envelopes, and a letter in Stalin's hand which simply read: In case of emergency, open one envelope.

Everything went well for a while but in 1956 everything started to go wrong: there was unrest in Hungary; the harvests failed; the 5 Year Plan was behind schedule. At a meeting of the Politbureau the other members rounded on him angrily and asked what plans he had. He was about to admit that he had none, when he suddenly remembered Stalin's note, and said, "Comrades, if you will only give me five minutes to check a document, I believe I may be able to find a solution." He rushed back to the office and unlocked the drawer. He took out an envelope and opened it. Inside was a note which said, "Blame it all on me. Signed Joe"

It worked a treat. By the end of the Party Congress his position was unassailable, and remained so for a long time. But by 1964 things were going downhill once more: he had had to back down over Cuba; he had fallen out with China; the harvest had failed again. The Politbureau summoned him, and began to abuse him. But this time he was fully confident. He replied that in five minutes he would return with the solution. He strolled to the office and unlocked the drawer. He took out the remaining envelope and opened it. Inside was a note which said, "Take two envelopes ...."

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 16 Dec 09 - 01:20 PM

This guy has hit upon a great formula for comedy.

What if the people in music videos simply sang about what was happening in the video?

Literal Videos

Pick a song you recognize: good, bad, whatever.

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: curmudgeon
Date: 11 Dec 09 - 11:47 AM

OLD people have problems that you haven't
even considered yet!

An 85-year-old man was requested by his
Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical
exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take
this jar home and bring back a semen sample
tomorrow.'

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared
at the doctor's office and gave him the jar,
which was as clean and empty as on the
previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man
explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried
with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried
with my left hand, but still nothing.

'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with
her right hand, then with her left, still nothing.
She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in,
then with her teeth out, still nothing.

'She even called up Arleen, the lady next door
and she tried too, first with both hands, then an
armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between
her knees, but still nothing.'

The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your
neighbor?'

The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get
the jar open.'

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 08:55 AM

Whenever a new parson was to be inducted into a church in his diocese, the bishop would take the new parson to a very posh restaurant.

A new parson was duly inducted. The waiter came to the table, and the bishop said

"Two bleeding steaks, please".

The parson was visibly shocked.

The bishop explained that this term was used in the restaurant for very rare steaks.

Some six months later, a curate was appointed to the parson's church, and the parson decided to take the curate to the posh restaurant.

When the waiter came to take the order, the parson said

"Bring us two bleeding steaks, please".

The curate said

"Aye - and bring some fucking chips while you're at it !".

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 06:22 AM

Equalities Commission / HSE guidance on 'festive' songs


The Rocking Song
Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not stir;
We will lend a coat of fur,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you:

Fur is no longer appropriate wear for small infants, both due to risk of allergy to animal fur, and for ethical reasons. Therefore faux fur, a nice cellular blanket or perhaps micro-fleece material should be considered a suitable alternative.

Please note, only persons who have been subject to a Criminal Records Bureau check and have enhanced clearance will be permitted to rock baby Jesus. Persons must carry their CRB disclosure with them at all times and be prepared to provide three forms of identification before rocking commences.


Jingle Bells
Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way

A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered safe for members of the public to travel on. The risk assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of larger proportions. Please note, permission must be gained from landowners before entering their fields. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.


While Shepherds Watched
While shepherds watched
Their flocks by night
All seated on the ground
The angel of the Lord came down
And glory shone around

The union of Shepherd's has complained that it breaches health and safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available. Shepherds have also requested that due to the inclement weather conditions at this time of year that they should watch their flocks via cctv cameras from centrally heated shepherd observation huts.
Please note, the angel of the lord is reminded that before shining his / her glory all around she / he must ascertain that all shepherds have been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and Glory.


Little Donkey
Little donkey, little donkey on the dusty road
Got to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load

The RSPCA have issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a load that a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry, also included in the guidelines is guidance regarding how often to feed the donkey and how many rest breaks are required over a four hour plodding period. Please note that due to the increased risk of pollution from the dusty road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear face masks to prevent inhalation of any airborne particles. The donkey has expressed his discomfort at being labelled 'little' and would prefer just to be simply referred to as Mr. Donkey. To comment upon his height or lack thereof may be considered an infringement of his equine rights.


We Three Kings
We three kings of Orient are
Bearing gifts we traverse afar
Field and fountain, moor and mountain
Following yonder star

Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable - as it may be redeemed at a later date through such organisations as 'cash for gold' etc., gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions. A suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy cause in the recipients name or perhaps give a gift voucher.

We would not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation by stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of RAC routefinder or satellite navigation, which will provide the quickest route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as per the guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying the three kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks. Facemasks for the three kings are also advisable due to the likelihood of dust from the camels hooves.


Rudolph the red nosed reindeer
Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose?
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows.

You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities for All policy, it is inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to the ruddiness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from the Reindeer Games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence. A full investigation will be implemented and sanctions - including suspension on full pay - will be considered whilst this investigation takes place.



RtS

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 03 Dec 09 - 03:54 PM

The Thimble (a Parable

One day, a seamstress was sewing while sitting next to a river, and she dropped her thimble into the water. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "My dear child, why are you crying?"

The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family. The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with pearls.

"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

The seamstress replied, "No, sir."

The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a silver thimble ringed with sapphires.

"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

Again, the seamstress replied, "No, sir." The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble.

"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

The seamstress smiled and replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.

Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney.

"Is this your husband?" the Lord asked.

"Yes!" cried the seamstress.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord -- it is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt. Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so /that's/ why I said 'yes' to George Clooney."

And so the Lord let her keep him.

The moral of the story: Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others.

Signed,
The Women

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: RangerSteve
Date: 02 Dec 09 - 06:47 PM

What's the difference between a car and a golf ball?

Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball 400 yards.

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: astro
Date: 02 Dec 09 - 01:13 AM

The doctor was sitting there ready to write a prescription, so he reached into his breast pocket to get his pen when all he found was a rectal thermometer.

"Sh*t!", He exclaimed, "some asshole has my pen"!


A joke told to me by my doctor after we discussed new ways to measure a person's temperature. My doctor demonstrated the new ear sensor that uses infrared to measure temperature. He exclaimed that this was a real boon to doctors, especially for kids, then he told me the joke...

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 28 Nov 09 - 10:07 AM

"Zealous Preacher"

A very zealous soul-winning young preacher recently
came upon a farmer working in his field. Being
concerned about the farmer's soul the preacher,
asked the man,

"Are you laboring in the vineyard of the Lord, my good
man?"

Not even looking at the preacher and continuing his
work the farmer replied, "Naw, these are soybeans."

"You don't understand," said the preacher. "Are you
a Christian?"

With the same amount of interest as his previous
answer the farmer said, "Nope my name is Jones.
You must be looking for Jim Christian. He lives a mile
south of here."

The young determined preacher tried again asking
the farmer, "Are you lost?"

"Naw! I've lived here all my life," answered the farmer.

"Are you prepared for the resurrection?" the frustrated
preacher asked.

This caught the farmer's attention and he asked,
"When's it gonna be?"

Thinking he had accomplished something, the young
preacher replied, "It could be today, tomorrow, or the
next day."

Taking a handkerchief from his back pocket and wiping
his brow, the farmer remarked, "Well, don't mention it
to my wife. She don't get out much, and she'll wanna
go all three days."

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 27 Nov 09 - 05:12 PM

"Office Mornings"

First thing - every single morning - one of the
secretaries in our office opened the newspaper
and read everyone's horoscope aloud.

"Gwen," said our boss finally, "you seem to be a
normal, levelheaded person. Do you really believe
in astrology?"

"Of course not," Gwen answered. "You know how
skeptical we Capricorns are."

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 07:17 PM

"Marinated"

One evening a man was very impressed with the
meat entree his wife had served. "What did you
marinate this in?" he asked.

His wife immediately went into a long explanation
about how much she loves him and how life
wouldn't be the same without him, etc.

Eventually, his puzzled expression made her
interrupt her answer with a question of her own,
"What did you ask me?"

She chuckled at his answer and explained, "I thought
you asked me if I would marry you again!"

As she left the room, he called out, "Well, would you
marry me again?"

Without hesitation, she replied, "Vinegar and
barbecue sauce."

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Young Buchan
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 03:18 AM

Allegedly true story about Lester Piggott.

After winning a race he, whether accidentally or deliberately, forgot to give the usual tip from his winnings to the stable lad who had looked after the winning horse. The following week the lad saw him and said, "Mr Piggott, can I have a quid for that winner last week?" Piggott looked vague and said, "Sorry, son. I can't hear you. You're on my deafest side." The lad went round to his left side and asked, "Mr Piggott, can I have a couple of quid for that winner last week?" Piggott replied, "Sorry, son. Still can't hear you. Try the one quid ear again."

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 25 Nov 09 - 09:15 AM

"Sage Advice From A Retired Husband"

It is important for men to remember that, as women
grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain
the same quality of housekeeping as when they were
younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them.
Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse
than an oversensitive woman.

My name is Ron. Let me relate how I handled the
situation with my wife, Carol Anne. When I retired a
few years ago, it became necessary for Carol Anne to
get a full-time job, along with her part-time job, both
for extra income and for the health benefits that we
needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed
she was beginning to show her age. I usually get
home from the golf club about the same time she gets
home from work.

Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost
always says she has to rest for half an hour or so
before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead,
I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she
gets dinner on the table.

I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club, so
eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home-
cooked grub when I hit that door. She used to do the
dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not
unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours
after dinner.

I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several
times each evening that they won't clean themselves.
I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to
motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For
example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find
time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But,
Boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile
and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out
over two, or even three days. That way, she won't
have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing
lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any
(if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one
of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she
needs more rest periods. She had to take a break
when she was only half-finished mowing the yard.
I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man.

I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly
squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as
long as she is making one for herself, she may as
well make one for me, too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I
support Carol Anne. I'm not saying that showing this
much consideration is easy. Many men will find it
difficult. Some will find it impossible!

Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women
get as they get older. However, Guys, even if you just
use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging
wife because of this article, I will consider that writing
it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this
earth to help each other.

Editor's Note:

Ron died suddenly on August 31 of a perforated rectum.
The police report says he was found with a Calloway
extra-long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed
up his rear end, with barely five inches of grip showing,
and a sledgehammer laying nearby. His wife Carol Anne
was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman
jury took only 10 minutes to find her Not Guilty,
accepting her defense that Ron, somehow without
looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 23 Nov 09 - 01:22 PM

"The 21st Century"

Our communication - Wireless

Our dress - Topless

Our telephone - Cordless

Our cooking - Fireless

Our youth - Jobless

Our religion - Creedless

Our food - Fatless

Our faith - Godless

Our labor - Effortless

Our conduct - Worthless

Our relation - Loveless

Our attitude - Careless

Our feelings - Heartless

Our politics - Clueless

Our education - Valueless

Our follies - Countless

Our arguments - Baseless

Our boss - Brainless

Our Job - Thankless

Our Salary - Very less

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 23 Nov 09 - 01:17 PM

An old Native Chief sat in his hut on the reservation,
smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two Government
officials sent to interview him.

"Chief Two Eagles" asked one Official, "you have
observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his
wars and his technological advances. You've seen his
progress and the damage he's done."

The Chief nodded in agreement.

The Official continued, "Considering all these events,
in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"

The Chief stared at the Government officials for over
a minute and then calmly replied, "When white man
found the land, Natives were running it. No taxes, no
debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, women did all the
work, Medicine Man free, Indian man spent all day
hunting and fishing, and all night having sex."

Then the Chief leaned back and smiled, "Only white
man dumb enough to think he could improve system
like that."

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Desert Dancer
Date: 21 Nov 09 - 12:01 PM

CREATIVE PUNS FOR "EDUCATED MINDS"
   
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his Grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21. A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 21 Nov 09 - 02:37 AM

What is the difference between a French letter and a pair of boots?

You can hear a man coming in a pair of boots.

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 16 Nov 09 - 08:45 AM

"Breathalyzer"

Following a really good party one night, the hosts
decided to leave he assorted bottles and dregs
until the next morning. As they staggered downstairs
next day, they found their young children finishing off
all that they could find, and looking the worse for
wear.

Not knowing what to do, the father suggested taking
them out in the car for some fresh air. A traffic
policeman, seeing the car going round and round the
block for no reason, pulled him over and breathalyzed
him ... and the meter showed positive.

While matters were being sorted out, one of the children
asked the policeman if he could try the breathalyzer ...
and the meter again showed positive!

"Darn," said the policeman, "another faulty meter!" He
then apologized to the driver for stopping him, and
drove off without another word...

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Tug the Cox
Date: 14 Nov 09 - 02:43 PM

I just got a christmas bonus in my job as a salesman for an ejectoe seat company.....sales went through the roof.

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 13 Nov 09 - 11:13 PM

An orthodox rabbi's son won a scholarship to Cambridge, but it was only tenable at either Trinity College or Christ's College or Jesus College. "Go to Trinity," his father advised after a few seconds' thought; "none of my congregation will know what it means."

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 13 Nov 09 - 09:15 PM

"Irishman's Wishes"

An Irishman walking along the beach found
a bottle lying in the sand. He picked it up,
brushed it off, and out popped a genie.

"Since you have freed me from this bottle, I
will grant you three wishes."

The Irishman thought a moment and said,
"I'm feeling a might thirsty. I think I'll wish
for a pint of stout."

And poof! there was a pint of stout in his hand.
He drank it down and started to toss the bottle
away, when the genie said, "Look at that bottle
before you throw it away."

He did and watched as it magically refilled itself
with stout.

"That's a magic bottle. It will refill itself whenever
you empty it. So what are your other wishes?"

The Irishman grinned. "I'll be taking two more of
these!"

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Uncle Phil
Date: 13 Nov 09 - 06:28 PM

A man looks out his window and sees a city worker digging holes along the side of the road. Soon another city worker shows up and begins filling up the holes. And down the road they go, one worker digging holes and the other worker filling them in. The man goes out and asks the workers just what the hell they are doing. They explain, "Oh, the guy who plants the trees called in sick today,"

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 10 Nov 09 - 08:24 PM

I was at the grocery store today, and saw a older lady pushing a grocery cart with a baby in the little seat above her groceries.

"Pretty soon we'll be done, Diploma, and we can go home and I'll give you a nice bath."

"When we get to the checkout, Diploma, I bet we can find a nice piece of candy for you! I bet you'll like that, won't you, Diploma?"

I couldn't resist asking the lady, "That's a beautiful baby, but I'm curious: Why do you call her 'Diploma'?"

She told me, "I sent my daughter to college, and this is what she brought back!"

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Joe_F
Date: 08 Nov 09 - 08:45 PM

Other way around: A respectable family had some plumbers in to take care of some problems, and the little boy listened to their conversation with interest. He repeated some of the words he'd learned, and his mother said indignantly, "Young man, go out and get a switch", to which he replied, "**** you, ma, that's an electrician's job."

*

To make up for that, here is a *pious* joke that will soon be in season:

What did the wise men say to Jesus?
"These are for Christmas *and* your birthday."

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 08 Nov 09 - 07:54 PM

"Randy Horse"

Each day a man walked into his stable to ride his
horse, John. He would call out, "Hey there, John,
old buddy, how's everything today?" and then
bridle his horse.

One day while going through this routine he said,
"Hey there, John..." when, to his surprise, the
horse turned around and interrupted him!

He said, "For months now, you've walked in here
and said, 'Hey there, John, old buddy, how's
everything today?' and I'm tired of it! You never
wait for an answer, and besides, my name is
Randy!"

And with that, the horse took off running!

Shocked, the owner took off after the horse trying
to catch it. Seeing the pursuit, his dog joined the
chase. After a while the man became tired and
stopped to rest at the side of the road. He took
out his handkerchief and wiped his face as his dog,
who had continued the chase, came back also now
breathless, and sat down beside him.

The man wondered aloud, "I've never heard a
horse talk before!"

"Me neither!" said the dog, gasping for air.

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Doug Chadwick
Date: 27 Oct 09 - 07:51 PM

The same little boy walked into a bar and asked for a beer. The barmaid looked down at him and said "Do you want to get me into trouble?"

The lad replied "Cut the sex talk and just give me a beer."



DC

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Joe_F
Date: 27 Oct 09 - 04:33 PM

A little boy was sitting on a curb, smoking a cigarette and taking swigs out of a little brandy flask. A respectable woman happened by and was horrified. "Young man," she managed to say, "Why aren't you in school?" "Hell, lady," he said, "I'm only four."

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 27 Oct 09 - 12:22 PM

The Revenge

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells, dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning and mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth - but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within the hour, his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later, the man and his new girlfriend stood smirking as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home. To add insult to the injury he did to his wife, he instructed the movers to take everything -- even the curtain rods....

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 27 Oct 09 - 12:08 PM

This item is in the range of 6-8 inches long, the functioning of which is enjoyed by members of both sexes.

It is usually found hung, dangling loosely but ready for instant action. In use, it is inserted, almost always willingly, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, into a warm, fleshy, moist opening where it is thrust in and drawn out again and again, many times in succession, often quickly and accompanied by squirming bodily movements.

Anyone found listening in will most surely recognize the rhythmic, pulsing sound, resulting from the well lubricated movements.

When finally withdrawn, it leaves behind a juicy, frothy, white sticky substance, some of which will need cleaning from the outer surfaces of the opening and some of from its long glistening shaft.

After everything is done and the flowing and cleansing liquids have ceased emanating, it is returned to its freely hanging state of rest, ready yet for another bit of action, hopefully reaching its bristling climax twice or three times a day, but often much less.

What is it?

A toothbrush.

What were you thinking, pervert!?

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 26 Oct 09 - 06:35 PM

LOT'S WIFE

The Sunday School teacher was describing how
Lot 's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little
Jason interrupted, 'My Mommy looked back once while she was driving,'
he announced triumphantly, 'and she turned into a telephone pole!'

GOOD SAMARITAN


A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good
Samaritan. She asked the class, 'If you saw a person lying on the
roadside, wounded and bleeding, what would you do?'

A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, 'I think I'd throw up.'

DID NOAH FISH?

A Sunday school teacher asked, 'Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the   Ark ?'

'No,' replied Johnny. 'How could he, with just two worms?'

HIGHER POWER


A Sunday school teacher said to her children, 'We have been learning
how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times, but there is a
Higher Power. Can anybody tell me what it is?'

One child blurted out, 'Aces!'

MOSES AND THE RED SEA

Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School.


'Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines
on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of   Egypt . When he
got to the Red Sea , he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he radioed headquarters for
reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the
Israelites were saved.'

'Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?' his mother asked.

'Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!'

      BEING THANKFUL


A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, 'Your mother says your
prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What does she
say?'

The little boy replied, 'Thank God he's in bed!'

       SAY A PRAYER


Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his
grandmother's house.   Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.
'Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer...' said his mother.
'I don't need to,' the boy replied.
'Of course, you do.' his mother insisted. 'We always say a prayer before eating at our house.'
'That's at our house.' Johnny explained. 'But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook!'

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 26 Oct 09 - 06:34 PM

A Spanish Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two
groups,
male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether
computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was
asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself
spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.



The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Andrez
Date: 26 Oct 09 - 05:31 PM

And as an afterthought for Folkies, she created Morris Dancers!

:-)

Cheers,

Andrez

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 25 Oct 09 - 02:34 PM

Satan Complains God Isn't Fair

Satan was complaining bitterly to God: "You made the world so
that it was not fair."

And God said, "Yes."

"And you made it so that most people would have to struggle
every day, fight against their innate wishes and desires, and
deal with all sorts of losses, grief, disasters, and catastrophes."

And God said, "Yes."

"Yet people worship and adore you. People fight, get arrested,
and cheat each other, and I get blamed, even when it is not my
fault."

And God said, "Uh huh. So?"

"Sure, I'm evil, but give me a break. Can't you do something to
make them stop blaming me?"

And so God created lawyers.

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 24 Oct 09 - 06:21 PM

Golden Anniversary Truth

An elderly couple was having dinner one evening when the husband
reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said,
"Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something
I have to know. In all of these 50 years have you ever been
unfaithful to me?"

Martha replied, "Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes,
I've been unfaithful to you on three occasions during these 50 years, but always for a good reason."

Henry was stunned by his wife's confession, but said, "I never
suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons?'"

"Let's see," Martha said. "The first time was shortly after we
were married, and we were about to lose our little house because
we couldn't pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I
went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the
loan would be extended?"

Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive
you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?"

Martha asked, "And do you remember when you were so sick, but we
didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed?
Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he
did the surgery at no charge."

"I recall that," said Henry "And you did it to save my life, so
of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the
third time."

"All right," Martha said, a little more hesitant. "So do you
remember when you ran for president of the yacht club, and you
needed 73 more votes...?"

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd joke thread of 2009
From: Desert Dancer
Date: 24 Oct 09 - 03:49 PM

I think I get it...!

~ Becky in Long Beach, Calif., U.S.A.