Lyrics & Knowledge Personal Pages Record Shop Auction Links Radio & Media Kids Membership Help
The Mudcat Cafesj

Post to this Thread - Printer Friendly - Home
Page: [1] [2] [3]


Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)

Wolfgang 04 May 05 - 07:45 AM
John Hardly 03 May 05 - 06:50 PM
Liz the Squeak 03 May 05 - 06:09 PM
Wolfgang 03 May 05 - 03:57 PM
Wolfgang 03 May 05 - 03:55 PM
Wolfgang 03 May 05 - 03:53 PM
Wolfgang 03 May 05 - 03:49 PM
Peace 03 May 05 - 02:57 PM
Liz the Squeak 03 May 05 - 02:52 PM
catspaw49 03 May 05 - 02:49 PM
Nigel Parsons 05 Oct 03 - 12:06 PM
wysiwyg 05 Oct 03 - 09:24 AM
GUEST,Mickey 05 Oct 03 - 09:04 AM
wysiwyg 05 Oct 03 - 01:07 AM
wysiwyg 05 Oct 03 - 01:07 AM
The Fooles Troupe 05 Oct 03 - 12:43 AM
The Fooles Troupe 05 Oct 03 - 12:22 AM
catspaw49 04 Oct 03 - 11:37 PM
GUEST,Mickey191 04 Oct 03 - 10:45 PM
catspaw49 04 Oct 03 - 08:56 PM
Duane D. 15 Jul 99 - 08:02 PM
Banjer 15 Jul 99 - 06:48 PM
catspaw49 15 Jul 99 - 02:40 PM
Walrus 15 Jul 99 - 02:32 PM
Walrus 15 Jul 99 - 02:28 PM
Fadac 15 Jul 99 - 10:12 AM
Helen 15 Jul 99 - 07:35 AM
Gitarzan (inactive) 14 Jul 99 - 11:51 PM
Barbara 14 Jul 99 - 04:15 PM
annamill 14 Jul 99 - 03:57 PM
Margo 14 Jul 99 - 03:45 PM
Bert 14 Jul 99 - 02:42 PM
walrus 14 Jul 99 - 02:35 PM
Steve Latimer 14 Jul 99 - 12:23 PM
catspaw49 14 Jul 99 - 12:21 PM
Jeri 14 Jul 99 - 11:57 AM
catspaw49 14 Jul 99 - 10:48 AM
Fadac 14 Jul 99 - 10:24 AM
Bert 14 Jul 99 - 10:15 AM
Jeri 14 Jul 99 - 09:49 AM
catspaw49 14 Jul 99 - 09:39 AM
14 Jul 99 - 01:15 AM
Gitarzan (inactive) 14 Jul 99 - 12:51 AM
Duane D. 13 Jul 99 - 10:46 PM
Dave Swan 13 Jul 99 - 04:51 PM
annamill 13 Jul 99 - 04:45 PM
Bert 13 Jul 99 - 03:37 PM
Dave Swan 13 Jul 99 - 03:11 PM
Jeri 13 Jul 99 - 02:46 PM
Jeri 13 Jul 99 - 02:44 PM
Share Thread
more
Lyrics & Knowledge Search [Advanced]
DT  Forum
Sort (Forum) by:relevance date
DT Lyrics:













Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: Wolfgang
Date: 04 May 05 - 07:45 AM

Liz, yes. I wanted to post how many posts at that spot.

Wolfgang


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: John Hardly
Date: 03 May 05 - 06:50 PM

Well, he just knew he was losing her. You know.....when you've dated just long enough for only one of you to lose interest.

You get desperate...
...and, well, you know life.

Here's my friend's story (we'll call him "Dave"):

Dave wasn't exactly the picture of macho virility......his strengths were in the "sensitivity" department. But more than once on the college choir summer tour he'd noticed her gaze darting toward the ONE guy on the tour who had "jock" leanings. Dave didn't waste a lot of introspective musings wondering "What does she see in him?"

It was time Dave showed her what a man he really was.

But why did he choose then??

And couldn't he have found a manhood test that wasn't quite so likely to.....er.....backfire?   Like pissing his name in the snow fer instance.....OK.....maybe not that one, and not the coal walking thing....

...but his manhood test? "Here, punch me as hard as you want to in the gut........test my abs of steel!"

Here's where fate steps in to keep the nerdy among us culled from the gene pool. Seems that the instant Dave chose to demonstrate his manhood, was the very instant that the ushers threw open the double doors to the sanctuary, into which the choir, including Dave, was to file in in an orderly manner. Trouble was, of the 50 or so people who were in the choir, the only person not distracted by the doors being flung open was the 19 year old girl who was just given carte blanche to "...Here, punch me as hard as you want in the gut...", an invitation that was accepted with great relish.

Problem. Dave's abs were no longer flexed as he was now intent on the grand entrance into the sanctuary.....I believe the processional was "Onward Christian Soldiers", a regal march.

Result. Seems there are two factors that determine the decibel level of flatulence; tightness of...er....well anyway, the other factor is the force with which the gas is expelled.   All 50+ of those young singers were acutely aware that a new decibel level record had just been set (provided such records are, indeed, kept). As gamely as they may have tried, the "Onward Christian Soldiers" were suddenly "AWOL", dissolving into puddles of laughter.

My friend, to his credit, told me this story on himself...

I pulled the car I was driving off the road....


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 03 May 05 - 06:09 PM

You only did that so you could get post 100!!

LTS


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: Wolfgang
Date: 03 May 05 - 03:57 PM

Interesting how many posts to such a stupid theme.

Wolfgang


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: Wolfgang
Date: 03 May 05 - 03:55 PM

And one for the fire fighters

Wolfgang


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: Wolfgang
Date: 03 May 05 - 03:53 PM

After this orgy of bad (according to my taste) humour a cartoon that I like:

Talking to fishes

Wolfgang


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: Wolfgang
Date: 03 May 05 - 03:49 PM

Fart on fire (fake)

Cartoon about setting a fart on fire for a sinister purpose

Dangers of farting during anal sex (Cartoon in extremely bad taste) (German text: "I've warned you that I have to fart")

Wolfgang


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: Peace
Date: 03 May 05 - 02:57 PM

I have been searching for a picture of a fart on fire. No luck. Would one of y'all please find one and post it to the other thread? It would make me feel all warm and fuzzy.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 03 May 05 - 02:52 PM

Well that's just a flaming cheek!

LTS


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: catspaw49
Date: 03 May 05 - 02:49 PM

For those of you exploring the realm of gas on the other thread, I refreshed this old gem dealing with a few specific aspects of the big picture of farting.

Spaw


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 05 Oct 03 - 12:06 PM

Can't remember the "Whole" thing, "butt" --

"Where'er you be let your wind blow free,
In church or chapel, let it rattle"


I'm sure someone will remember the rest

Nigel


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 05 Oct 03 - 09:24 AM

Best to find out early, what sort of person you're dealing with! :~)

~S~


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: GUEST,Mickey
Date: 05 Oct 03 - 09:04 AM

There are ONLY 3 threads on farting--can't we make it 4?

She came & went. It was all too much for her sensabilities. She's a proper English lady. She had Jeeves pull the plug on her puter - till the air clears anyway. The ignominy of it all. She has withdrawn her invitation to tea.

That's okay-I'd rather stay here.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 05 Oct 03 - 01:07 AM

... or just use the Boob threads to desensitize her so she can handle the farty ones...

~S~


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 05 Oct 03 - 01:07 AM

Mickey, I'm afraid you'll have to demote your friend back to senior- forum level. :~) .... until you can find a sort-of-fun one for her to use as training wheels in preparation for her triumphal return to Mudcat.

~S~


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 05 Oct 03 - 12:43 AM

Hmmmm...
my previous comment "Perhaps this helps you understand some aspects of Aussie culture a little better..."

On reflection, what I really meant, is when you consider things like Gallopilli, "The Rats of Tobruk", and other historical events, (I can't say if this applies to recent immigrants) there is something in the Australian makeup that is not too readily shocked, or impressed, or responds too readily to brainwashing from people other than possibly Aussie Politicians...

And when you tie this in with the natural Larrikan aspect of the Aussie Culture....

So Americans who think that Aussies tend to be cynical, especially about Americans, are perhaps close to the truth - natural cynics we often are...

Robin


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 05 Oct 03 - 12:22 AM

There's a popular group of Japanese "street entertainers" called the Tokyo Shock Boys. I seem to remember that they even had a video clip, but I can't remember the details (this statement makes this a music thread!).

From the theme of this thread, you should easily guess what their star trick is! No, I don't know their diet!

The best part though is that some bright promoter - no doubt funded by some Government Cultural Grant! brought them out to Australia, I think it was around or after the time of Expo 88 - I remember they visited Brisbane, I saw them in Queen Street Mall I think, although I am not certain they actually performed at EXPO...

One of the main reasons to bring them to Australia was to capitalise on their "entertainment via shocking behavour" value, their star trick was one of many "shocking public beaviour" things they did.

The poor guys were somewhat confused by Australians. Their performances usually did not create the sort of shocked response they were used to. And their star trick generally just produced the "so what" sort of response, some times even followed by genuine audience offers to show them how to really do it....

And no, I'm NOT making this up.... :-)

Perhaps this helps you understand some aspects of Aussie culture a little better...

Robin


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: catspaw49
Date: 04 Oct 03 - 11:37 PM

Tell ya' what Mick my dear......Tell her that it's inspirational! If you read the first post up there you'll see that Uncle Jimmy was the real life model for Paw, of "Paw, Cletus, Buford, and the Reg Boys" as you can see in the following story of how I first met Cletus, Paw, and Buford.....................

Every year as Christmas approaches I can't help but remember the first time I met Cletus, Paw, and Buford......

I had noticed an area on Rt. 664 just outside of our little village being carefully prepared and roped off as I drove by and every now and then there were these three guys working there, building a little shed and driving stakes into the ground about 6 feet apart. It finally dawned on me that they were getting ready to sell Christmas trees. Now I have always gotten ours from the same place for years, but the prices were getting pretty steep so I kept an eye out for new sources. The day they put up the lights, I stopped to see when they'd be bringing the trees in.

As I got out of the van I couldn't help but notice that these three, from all appearances, were a bit "down on their luck" and it made me want to help them out a bit. Cletus came up to me and introduced himself and I asked about the trees. He was glad to tell me all about them in that way which I've since learned to interpret. At that time however all I could seem to understand was that they were "working on them." These many years later, that kind of phrase would set off alarms, but I didn't know Cletus then so I thought it was just an odd hilljack way of phrasing things. Paw came over and I liked the old guy a lot right away. He said he'd seen me before and I remembered something about the sewage plant and the day it exploded. I couldn't place what it was that this guy had to do with it but the correlation seemed quite vivid. I shook his hand and he farted in return.

I had never met anyone who was quite so casual with flatulence. Paw used it almost as punctuation......."How ya' doin'?" (rriippp) "Purty day ain't she?" (bbraawwmmpp)..........Let's say it took some getting used to and made it easy to understand why this old coot could probably not find gainful employment. But for all that, he was a friendly cuss who told me they called him Paw because he was from Paw-Paw, West Virginia. He pointed out the other fellow named Buford who was involved in extricating himself from a string of Christmas lights that seemed to have attacked him. Even from a distance, the unmistakable smell of Iron City brew was pretty strong. I figured he spilled about the same amount on himself as he drank and I later found this to be not only true, but the amounts involved were prodigious.

All in all, I couldn't help but like them even if they were, well, let's just call them odd and drop it right there. They told me the trees would be in and they'd be open for business on Friday at 6 PM. I left shaking my head at the idea of bringing Karen and the kids to "pick out the tree" as was so traditional with our family. What the hell? We could at least check them out.

On Friday afternoon Karen and I were going into Lancaster and as we passed by I pointed out the place, not that it was really necessary to point. I'd never seen anything quite so garish in my life but it was one of those gray Ohio days, very cold and occasionally spitting snow so perhaps it was the contrast......perhaps not. Karen was making comments about the place, but as we drove past we could both see the trees that were now in place quite well. Surprisingly enough, they looked magnificent! All were very full and perfectly shaped and a greener bunch of Christmas trees I'd never seen. Even at 65 mph, Karen saw one on the far end of the first row that she said was absolutely "the one!" Since she and our kids were going to spend the night with Connie and go shopping on Saturday, I promised her I'd stop back and get the tree and forget the tradition for one year.

So on my return trip I looked at my watch and saw that I'd arrive about the time Cletus told me they would open and sure enough, I was the first one there. Cletus, Paw, and Buford, greeted me as a long lost friend. They were really in the Christmas Spirit and offered me some of their "spirits." Friends, there is 'Shine and then there is 'Shine and whatever it was they had in the Mason jars was not. I found out later that this was a homebrew of their own and made not from corn, but soybeans instead, and distilled through an old radiator off a Mack. Luckily I only tasted it, but that single gulp went down like a 4-stage rocket, taking my breath away, and immediately starting to bore a hole in my stomach. After the coughing subsided I gave them the common courtesy line you use upon tasting any 'Shine..........."Smooth!"

They were all adorned themselves with some of the seediest Santa hats I had ever seen and were ready for business. They said I was the first customer and I nodded appreciatively while glancing about at the trees. Even up at a closer viewing they seemed almost perfectly formed and beautifully green and I thought the light snow must be the reason they glistened so under the glaring bulbs. It was dark now and the temperature had dropped to about 25 with a nasty northwesterly blowing in a chill from Alberta. My eyes were no longer crossed from the 'Shine and I slowly became aware that something was odd about the trees. They weren't moving at all. Not a branch, not a needle, absolutely nothing was moving although the breeze was pretty stiff. Paw commented on the weather and let fly an air biscuit as I walked over to the tree Karen had seen earlier. I reached out to touch it and it was positively stiff!

I felt several branches and the whole thing down to the smallest needle was like glass. I put a little extra pressure on a needle and it shattered in my gloved hand. What the hell was this anyway? Cletus came up and asked how I liked them as Paw and Buford tossed wood in a barrel to start a warming fire. I said I thought these were real trees, but they seemed to be artificial. Cletus protested they were real.......and recycled. Once in awhile you hear sommething that is so completely ridiculous that it takes some time before you can absorb the fact that the speaker is completely serious. Recycled Christmas trees. My mind was slowly opening to the sound of Cletus' voice proudly telling the tale of how they collected them last year and then formed them up, glued in branches with rubber cement, gave them several coats of shellac, painted them with spray cans of "Yew Be Green" epoxy, and topped the job off with several coats of lacquer.

I stared at the tree. I stared at Cletus. I stared at the tree. I stared at Cletus. I stared at the tree. I stared at Cletus. Cletus noticed I was a bit pale and pulled me by the arm over to the shed where Paw and Buford had finished filling the barrel and were dumping gasoline onto the contents. Cletus said that I should have another drink and then Paw asked if I was cold. I nodded vacantly, my mind still unable to absorb the insanity which surrounded me. Then I heard Cletus say, "Hey Paw, show him how we light a fire."

With that, Paw bent over pointing his butt at the barrel, Buford held a Zippo to his ass, and Paw ripped a monster of a fart, something akin to a Cherry Bomb in it's magnitude. An enormous flame shot out of his ass and ignited the barrel which flared high in the air. But it was a truly huge blaster and the flames not only ignited the barrel, but the nearest recycled Christmas trees. Coated as they were with such a combustible mixture, they didn't catch fire, they friggin' exploded! Bits of flaming plastic-like shards went flying away on the wind to explode the next tree, and the next, and the next. Within 30 seconds the remnants of every tree was flaming brightly and in less than a minute the flames were gone and 50 smoldering sticks were all that remained. None of us had moved and Paw was still bent over and looking over his shoulder at the charred remains of their business.

The next day when I picked Karen up, we stopped at our usual place and picked out a lovely Frazier Fir. I had told her the story and that I figured that here was a case where a single fart may not have saved the world, but at least did save 50 home fires. We stopped at their place and the boys were cleaning up the mess and told us it probably meant a Christmas that would be a little bleak for them. Karen is a kind soul and right then and there invited them to our place for Christmas Day. She said they should come early and maybe Santa will have left something for them and that they would be welcome for Christmas dinner too. As we drove home I tried to explain that this probably wasn't a great idea but Karen felt pretty bad for them and they had cheerfully accepted her invitation.

On Christmas morning they arrived at 6 AM and the day went downhill from there. But that's another story.

So friends, no matter how bad it is and how you feel, there is always a friend out there for you. Even if you're obnoxious, nasty, and haven't bathed in a month, there is always the chance that if you can light a good fart, miracles will occur.


Spaw


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: GUEST,Mickey191
Date: 04 Oct 03 - 10:45 PM

I'm embarrassed to hell--not 10 minutes ago I invited a very refined, erudite lady to join the gang at mudcat. I assured her it was a meeting place for intelligent, cultured people. How will I explain the resurection of this asinine thread? What excuse can I give? I'm mortified. I'm sure the dear woman has no knowledge of pharts.

Lordy, lordy, what shall I do? I need advice.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: catspaw49
Date: 04 Oct 03 - 08:56 PM

LMAO .......... OHMYGAWD..............."Save Endangered Wildlife and "Just For Dads"..............I guess Moms don't fart!!!!!!!

Spaw


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: Duane D.
Date: 15 Jul 99 - 08:02 PM

Just because it's in thin air and perhaps getting a little stale, don't worry about it catspaw49(50), more pholks will sneak by and pass theirs on over.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: Banjer
Date: 15 Jul 99 - 06:48 PM

Fadac, don't forget looking up to the sky and saying, "Huh, they must be flying south early this year!" (or north depending on what time of year it is)

Sure, C'paw49(50), start something and then try to slide it under the rug....


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: catspaw49
Date: 15 Jul 99 - 02:40 PM

I think we may be at the point where this thread is exhausted. I'd hate to see it go like the Condom thread which got stretched pretty thin.

catspaw


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: Walrus
Date: 15 Jul 99 - 02:32 PM

Re: Limericks;

Margarita quotes: There once was a man from Austrailia, Who painted his butt like a dahlia. Two cents a smell was all very well, But three cents a lick was a failure!

I know a slightly different version:

There was a young man of Australia, Who painted his arse like a dalhia, The colour was fine, Likewise the design, But the aroma? Now that was a failure.

Regards

Walrus


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: Walrus
Date: 15 Jul 99 - 02:28 PM

>Let's see, we got broccoli farts, onion farts, popcorn farts, fishbowl farts, satchmo's, coffee farts, sliders, squeakers, SBDs, and what else?

Don't forget "window rattlers" and "cushion creamers"

Regards


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: Fadac
Date: 15 Jul 99 - 10:12 AM

The reson you shake your leg, is to get the spider out. Yes the very famous Rocky Mountian Barking Spider. They like to climb up your leg to get where it's warm, then the Baaaarrrrrrrkkkkkkkk.

The other excuse that I enjoyed hearing was, "Gee I must have stepped on a frog."

-Fadac


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: Helen
Date: 15 Jul 99 - 07:35 AM

Andres,

I am still laughing at your farticular words.

Helen


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: Gitarzan (inactive)
Date: 14 Jul 99 - 11:51 PM

I like the nomenclature part of Flatology.

Let's see, we got broccoli farts, onion farts, popcorn farts, fishbowl farts, satchmo's, coffee farts, sliders, squeakers, SBDs, and what else?

FWIW, a Satchmo is when you are say, in a shower, cup your hand over your fanny and move it on and off while farting. It makes a great muted trumpet sound, kinda of like a "bwapp, bwapp" sound.

You know this thread is going to haunt us if anyone of us decides to run for office.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: Barbara
Date: 14 Jul 99 - 04:15 PM

Y'know what they say, annap. Kinky is when you use feathers, perverted is when you use the whole duck.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: annamill
Date: 14 Jul 99 - 03:57 PM

Ok, Ok! Now we're getting kinky!

;-) annap


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: Margo
Date: 14 Jul 99 - 03:45 PM

Back to limericks:

There once was a man from Austrailia, Who painted his butt like a dahlia. Two cents a smell was all very well, But three cents a lick was a failure!

I especially like "failyuh"

Margarita


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: Bert
Date: 14 Jul 99 - 02:42 PM

CatsPaw, actually I prefer those that you calibrate in "Redwood Seconds"


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: walrus
Date: 14 Jul 99 - 02:35 PM

Just remember folks, when you "drop one", It's rude to shake your leg.

Walrus


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 14 Jul 99 - 12:23 PM

I was educated at an all male school,and spent my life playing hockey, both tremendous places to hone the fine art of flatulence. I still don't know what earned more respect in my group of friends, a really stinky SBD or a loud, long lasting although not stinky one. Of course if you could get the combination of tone and stench you were a hero.

I have never been ashamed of a good fart in the company of the fellas, with one exception. Many years ago I had to go to a job site three hours from home. A co-worker picked me up at 5:00 a.m. following an evening of Mexican Food with Jalapeno salsa and a couple of jugs of Sangria. The first one or two we laughed off, but this actually became a serious problem with me ending up doubled over in pain for the majority of the trip, the only relief was to violently pass noxous gas. We were confined to the cab of a pick up truck and it was late winter, so we couldn't really leave the windows down. As bad as I felt, I felt terrible for the other guy who had to put up with me for six hours. He still shudders when thinking of it.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: catspaw49
Date: 14 Jul 99 - 12:21 PM

Meetings? Ah yes!

I was going to a regional sales meeting. We had the most boring sales manager of all time who had the worst sales meetings in the world. Just awful! Luckily, the 16 sales reps were an incredible bunch of true idiots (I fit right in) who were always up for a joke. Prior to that month's meeting, I called 6 of them and suggested possible menus for the days previous to the meeting. They called some others, and most of us showed up "loaded for bear." Meeting starts at 8AM--first fart at about 8:01 and things really got going. Manager was so pissed, the meeting broke up at about 10....and we were able to get good seats for noontime drinking, although we weren't too popular in the place. The company (a Fortune 500 mind you) actually sent letters to us about our behavior. I sent the VP in charge of my division one back, suggesting it was suitable comment on the sales manager. Interestingly enough, he replaced him about 2 months later with a guy who was not just a great manager but a fellow flatulator as well.

catspaw


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: Jeri
Date: 14 Jul 99 - 11:57 AM

I was serious about porter and pickled eggs. They provide the stink quotient. Then you eat a bunch of beans or a milk chaser (milk doesn't give me gas) and you got volume. Take a long car ride with the windows up. This technique also might be effective in shortening those long, boring meetings. You obviously can't drink porter at work, but bring in some bean soup (with lots of onions) and pickled eggs for co-workers to share.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: catspaw49
Date: 14 Jul 99 - 10:48 AM

Well Bert, I am familiar with what you say, and you seem to be quite well read on the subject. Does this have something to do with your engineering background?

Actually Bert ol' Buddy, taking into account that engineer in you, my question is, and I must respect your opinion on this, what is your preference? Please submit your answer as to both flashpoint and nasal noxiousness.:+)

catspaw


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: Fadac
Date: 14 Jul 99 - 10:24 AM

In the US there was a record reliesed by Chech Chech Chong. Called the Farting Post. It was about a farting contest. Chech was at the mike, explaining in his slight Mexican accent. You can tell the real pros, they have fringes on their butts. Now he is up a the post, he grabs it and leans over, Oh what a fart, (long farting sound in background, from low to high toots) Then when the winning fart is almost done. Chech starts screaming, Oh no, he shit, oh he shit. (In the same manor of the guy reporting the Hindenberg crashing.) Oh this is terrable ladies and gentelmen, it's just awfull.

-Fadac


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: Bert
Date: 14 Jul 99 - 10:15 AM

CatsP,

Regarding the WHY issue. 'Tiz because milk it not very digestible.

There's two kinds of fart, them that stink and them that don't. The ones that don't stink are caused by air taken in while eating or drinking. The odorous ones are caused by partly digested food. Beans contain a substance that destroys digestive enzymes. Cabbage contains a lot of fiber which is also hard to fully digest. Also after people get to around forty they produce less digestive enzymes and so are less able to digest dairy products.

Bert.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: Jeri
Date: 14 Jul 99 - 09:49 AM

Dear anonymous person who posted the song lyrics - do you by any chance have a tune?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: catspaw49
Date: 14 Jul 99 - 09:39 AM

You're right annap---This IS an educational thread. Saved in a syringe? Personally, I've never been into saving them except for the most common way......I mean is there a male out there who has not ripped a huge one under the covers and waited for the reaction of his lovely lady when she comes to bed?

We have exploited most aspects of Phartistic Artistry, but we really haven't spent much time on the more odiferous aspects. The kraut fart has a distinct aroma but can be particularly dangerous, often producing the unwanted "Thundersprecht." For me, good rare beef with a milk chaser will result in prodigious amounts of something that smells like sewer gas. Also, various medicines will change the aroma in a most unpleasant fashion. This is also true of various vitamin supplements and herbal products. BTW, milk is well known to dramatically increase output......there was an actual study done on this---WHY, I have no idea.

As you get older, perhaps not only the smell, but your attitude changes also. About 8 years ago, Karen's grandparents were visiting and we invited a lot of friends for a party/cookout thing. My friend Bill was talking to Grandpa and said something about the beans and how he was trying to limit his intake since "he liked them, but they didn't like him"...or words to that effect. Grandpa considered this for a moment and said, "Oh I don't know. I kinda' like the gas." It took me about 5 minutes to get Bill to stop laughing long enough to tell me what the hell was so funny.

catspaw


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From:
Date: 14 Jul 99 - 01:15 AM

From the 17th century we have a:

Song

My lady and her Maid were in a merry pinn
They made a match at Farting wch shod the wager win
Joan she Light three Candles & set them both upright
Wth ye first Fart she blowed ym out
         wth ye next she gave ym Light
But in comes my Lady with all her might & main
And blows them out & in & out & in & out again

[Evidently no fatalities]


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: Gitarzan (inactive)
Date: 14 Jul 99 - 12:51 AM

I used to cup my hand over my butt and catch my own fart, then casually manage to open my hand in front of my victims face. Ever see a head snap back?

I soon regretted figuring out this technique since my younger brother developed it into an art form, and I've been tormented by him for almost 30 years now.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: Duane D.
Date: 13 Jul 99 - 10:46 PM

When you've exhausted yourselves on the other phart links, try farts.com a truly educational site


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: Dave Swan
Date: 13 Jul 99 - 04:51 PM

In another job with another bunch of wackos, guys would save particularly phragrant pharts in syringes for distribution at a later time. They considered it an act of generosity, so that others could enjoy their efforts.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: annamill
Date: 13 Jul 99 - 04:45 PM

I've always been too much of a coward to try anything so obviously explosively painful. Recently my 10 year old Grandson explained to me that one way to do it was to sit in a bathtub and ignite the gas when it rose to the top to escape. I'll have to let him read this thread. He could learn sooo much. **GRIN**

Love anyway, annap


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: Bert
Date: 13 Jul 99 - 03:37 PM

FYI: In England (I'm told) they catch the offending gas in a paper bag and ignite it in a safe place.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: Dave Swan
Date: 13 Jul 99 - 03:11 PM

I can't keep the lid on this story any longer. Ten or so years ago my crew and I responded to call for the man down. The patient was in cardio-pulmonary arrest in his living room, surrounded by understandably distraught family members. It was time for IV's, defibrillation, intubation, the full load of firefighter/paramedic skill and technique. As one of my partners knelt to administer the chest compressions necessary for CPR, a loud, long, firehouse worthy BRAAAAAAAKKKKK escaped his guts like the sound of a Rottweiler being rent in two. The entire crew was stricken with the laughing in church disease. Certainly there was nothing funny about this man's condition, or his family's grief, but we were were helpless to get it together. Everyone's shoulders were heaving, little peeps were escaping our tightly compressed lips, and tears were running down my face at a furious rate. As we carried the patient to the ambulance, one of the family members laid a kind hand on my arm, noting my tears and said "That's really sweet, you really care, don't you?" It was the most cruel thing she could have said. I was barely able to nod.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: Jeri
Date: 13 Jul 99 - 02:46 PM

Whoops - that one got away from me. The Fart of Death


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: Flammable Flatulence (Phartin' Phenomena)
From: Jeri
Date: 13 Jul 99 - 02:44 PM

Re: farts and health/safety issues - The Fart of Death. ('Spaw, if you haven't been to this site before, it ought to keep you occupied for a couple of days.)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate
Next Page

  Share Thread:
More...


You must be a member to post in non-music threads. Join here.


You must be a member to post in non-music threads. Join here.



Mudcat time: 11 April 6:55 AM EDT

[ Home ]

All original material is copyright © 1998 by the Mudcat Café Music Foundation, Inc. All photos, music, images, etc. are copyright © by their rightful owners. Every effort is taken to attribute appropriate copyright to images, content, music, etc. We are not a copyright resource.