Lyr Add: A Song for the Louses of Parliament

Subject: Lyr Add: A SONG FOR THE LOUSES OF PARLIAMENT
From: Rusty Dobro
Date: 16 Jun 09 - 05:25 AM

This seems to be touching a chord with audiences, for some reason.... Apologies (not for the first time) to the excellent Mr Paxton.

What did you learn in the House today, dear MP of mine?
What did you learn in the House today, dear MP of mine?
I learnt that greed is always good,
And you'd be doing it too, if you could,
And that's what I learnt in the House today, that's what I learnt in the House.

So what did you claim in the House today, dear MP of mine?
What did you claim in the House today, dear MP of mine?
I claimed an accountant to fiddle my tax,
I claimed for a duck-house, quack quack quack,
That's what I claimed in the House today, that's what I claimed in the House.

Anything else for the House to pay, dear MP of mine?
Any little thing you've forgotten to say, dear MP of mine?
I claimed for a mortgage I haven't got,
And 23 grand to cure dry rot,
I claimed for DVD's of porn,
And poison for the moles that dig up my lawn,
Eight grand for a plasma screen,
Wages for the lady who comes in to clean,
A spruce-up for my mansion's moat,
The laundry bill for my winter coat,
The bill for a wreath that I laid down,
Oh, and let's not forget my flat in town
Though I change address every now and then
So I can claim the whole lot again,
That's part of what I claimed in the House today
That's what I claimed from the House.

So what did you tell the House today, dear MP of mine?
How did you explain that lot away, dear MP of mine?
I sobbed as though my heart would break,
I said it's all a big mistake,
I don't know why I did what I did,
And I offered to pay back fifty quid
And that kept them quiet in the House today,
That kept them quiet in the House.

So what will you do when we go to vote, dear MP of mine?
What will you do when we go to vote, dear MP of mine?
I'll move to Bermuda with my stash:
A massive great pension and a shed-load of cash.
I'm in disgrace but I won't feel sad,
'Cos the next lot will be just as bad,
So pay your taxes to foot the bill,
As we get our fingers in the till,
It's a wonderful life in the House today,
It's a wonderful life in the House.

Subject: RE: A Song For The Louses Of Parliament.
From: nickp
Date: 16 Jun 09 - 06:10 AM

Brilliant!

Subject: RE: A Song For The Louses Of Parliament.
From: Andy Jackson
Date: 16 Jun 09 - 06:21 AM

Not beeing well up on Tom P. what is the name of the originl please so I can find the tune.

Ta

Subject: RE: A Song For The Louses Of Parliament.
From: melodeonboy
Date: 16 Jun 09 - 06:29 AM

Surely "lice"?

Yours pedantically!

(By the way, I like the song!)

Subject: RE: A Song For The Louses Of Parliament.
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Jun 09 - 06:31 AM

what is the name of the originl please so I can find the tune.

What did you learn in school today

Subject: RE: A Song For The Louses Of Parliament.
From: GUEST,HelenJ
Date: 16 Jun 09 - 10:57 AM

Herewith my own little contribution : -

A political debacle,
They're having to come clean.
To remove the heads of government
Vote for Madame Guillotine.
Mechanize the tumbrils,
Invite the working class
To cheer the miscreants on their way
And raise the parting glass!

Subject: RE: A Song For The Louses Of Parliament.
From: Rasener
Date: 16 Jun 09 - 11:22 AM

And here is one written by Dick Appleton from Grimsby

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bc2YduWvFew

Subject: RE: A Song For The Louses Of Parliament.
From: Rusty Dobro
Date: 16 Jun 09 - 12:17 PM

Yes, melodeonboy, 'lice'it is (or should be)! (Though I've never been afraid to bend the rules of spelling/grammar/syntax/sanity in the cause of a cheap joke.

Glad you enjoyed the song.

Subject: RE: A Song For The Louses Of Parliament.
From: Leadfingers
Date: 16 Jun 09 - 01:02 PM

Good One !! And I hope you have sent a coy of the lyrics to Mr Paxton !

Subject: Lyr Add: HONORABLE GENTLEMAN
From: Pete MacGregor
Date: 16 Jun 09 - 01:56 PM

This one first sung at the Village Pump, Trowbridge about a month ago. The tune fits where it touches.

HONORABLE GENTLEMAN

I'm an honorable gentleman
Since first I was elected
No one can say I'm not entirely
Admired and respected

Chorus
I'll pay the money back
Oh yes. I'll pay the money back
As soon as it's in the papers
I'll pay the money back.

You can't expect a man like me
To ape the landed gentry
On a miserable MP's pay
The sums are elementary

I'm careful not to break the rules
It's legal, don't you see?
I voted for more prisons
But they're not for chaps like me.

You paid for loads of horse-manure
You paid to clean my moat
But bull-manure I'll give to you
When calling for your vote.

In order to rule over you
I have to house my duck
My mistress, servants, relatives
I just don't give a monkey's.

At least I've got a job for life
My seat's as safe as houses
Of which I have got four or five
Which jealousy arouses

I'm an honorable member
And it's all done by the book
It's really quite unfair to call me
Charlatan and crook.

No matter how we class ourselves
As blues or reds or yellows
It's plain for all the word to see
We're honorable fellows

We'll pay the money back etc

Tune         Verse         'Grand Old Duke of York'
Chorus        Last 2 lines of 'Female Drummer Boy'