Lyr Add: Neda Agha Soltan: A Tribute (Neil Devore)

Subject: RE: add: Neda Agha Soltan: A Tribute
From: GUEST,Neil D
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 03:43 PM

Thanks and welcome to Mudcat.

Subject: RE: add: Neda Agha Soltan: A Tribute
From: GUEST,Earthweep
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 07:47 AM

I haven't been to this forum before, but found it by Googling for Neda's name. I liked your poem very much Neil. And I'd like to add just a small contribution of my own, an anagram:

Miss Neda Agha Soltan =
A dim ass shot an angel.

Jud

Subject: RE: Neda Agha Soltan
From: Neil D
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 08:46 PM

Thanks everyone for the encouragement and kind words.

Subject: RE: Neda Agha Soltan
From: Peace
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:33 PM

Should be noted that that poem WAS written By Neil Devore. T'would be great if a clone could add his name to it at the bottom.

Good one, Neil.

Subject: RE: Neda Agha Soltan
From: Neil D
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:33 PM

Basiji bastards!

Subject: RE: Neda Agha Soltan
From: bobad
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:18 PM

Neda Soltan's family 'forced out of home' by Iranian authorities

Parents of young woman shot dead near protests are banned from mourning and funeral is cancelled, neighbours say

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/jun/24/neda-soltan-iran-family-forced-out

Subject: RE: Neda Agha Soltan
From: Peace
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 08:47 PM

Neda Agha Soltan, RIP.

Subject: RE: Neda Agha Soltan
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 11:09 PM

Good for you Neil

If I may humbly ask you to rework these lines which seem too weak. Its all good but could use a stronger brew.

"When naked power asks its toll
She wished freedom for each and all
You can't tell me that is wrong
No more to laugh, no more to love
No more to make her song"

...so that it is more explicit regarding the authoritarian religious injustice of her murder.
Even a Clint Eastwood tack would be naturally be less sappy than "no more to laugh..." such as, they took everything she had and everything she could have had etc, but you get the idea.

The chant at night from roof tops "alabara" (sp) might also be a good addition.

As with gem stones that last, the last several polishings are the most difficult and time consuming.

best wishes, Don

Subject: RE: Neda Agha Soltan
From: Beer
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 10:41 PM

Neil, I have watched like many others and you have helped say things that I have not the talent for. Good for you.
and thanks.
Adrien

Subject: Lyr Add: NEDA AGHA SOLTAN (Neil Devore)
From: Neil D
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 10:18 PM

NEDA AGHA SOLTAN

A special light behind her smile
There was music in her soul
No one protects the innocents
When naked power asks its toll
She wished freedom for one and all
You can't tell me that is wrong
No more to laugh, no more to love
No more to make her song

The world has watched in shock and horror
As her heart pulsed its last beat
We've now seen truth as beauty
Bleed out on a Tehran street
So young and smart and so brave
Student of Philosophy
Murdered in such brutal style
By the thugs, the Basiji

Never forget her, pray her name
Neda Agha Soltan
Let her last breath fan freedom's flame
Sweet Angel of Iran

Millions in the street all week
Asking rulers not to lie
Khameini said I've seen enough
Let this movement die
They'd just stepped out of a heated car
Not driving through the swarms
When crack! a cowards bullet flew
And she died in her teachers arms

He cried Neda be not afraid
They tried to staunch the blood
But it came pouring from her mouth
Life gone in crimson flood
She never thought to die that day
Not seeking martyrdom
She didn't even have a side
Only hope for everyone

Never forget her, pray her name
Neda Agha Soltan
Let her last breath fan freedom's flame
Sweet Angel of Iran

The tyrrants say don't mourn Neda
If you do we'll come for you
She was just a terrorist
Seeking freedom, you're one too
But they will mourn her anyway
In the street if not the mosque
As long as people want a better world
We'll cry our golden one's been lost

A special light behind her smile
There was music in her soul
No one protects the innocents
When naked power asks its toll
She wished freedom for each and all
You can't tell me that is wrong
No more to laugh, no more to love
No more to make her song

Never forget her, pray her name
Neda Agha Soltan
Let her last breath fan freedom's flame
Sweet Angel of Iran

---

By Neil Devore