Lyr Req: I'm Getting Ready for My Mother-In-Law

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: I'm Getting Ready for My Mother-In-Law
From: GUEST,The last of the" MIGHTY QUINNS"
Date: 07 Jan 11 - 01:23 PM

I have fond memories of my old Granddad singing and playing his banjo
to me when i was a lad nearly 70 yrs ago.I have pictures of him dressed up as a "mummer"He was a big Irish man very talented and seem
to play any instrutment.He was also a master builder,He didn't have any hair on his body due i believe to some kind of shock in the 1st
world war.The verse by Graham was exactly how i remember it,so Thanks Graham.There was another verse/ditty which i vaguely recall,
starting with "Im a poor hard working housewife"Incidentally,I've
still got his banjo but I can't play a bloody note!...
                                                    J W Quinn
                                                    7th Jan: 2011

Subject: Lyr Add: I'M GETTING READY FOR MY MOTHER-IN-LAW
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 19 May 10 - 10:41 PM

The Internet Archive has yet another recording with additional verses; this one sung by Edward Meeker, from 1914:


I'M GETTING READY FOR MY MOTHER-IN-LAW
"written by Jack norworth" (sic)

VERSE 1: My dear wife met me at the door, a letter in her hand.
Said, "Mother soon will visit us. Now isn't that just grand?
She said she'll stay about six weeks or longer if she can."
If she don't come, I know I'll be a disappointed man.

CHORUS 1: I'm gettin' ready for my mother-in-law, gettin' ready for the fun.
When she puts her face inside the place, she'd better take it on the run.
If she should stay for just one day, I can hear the church bells chime.
Oh, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, you'll have a dandy time.

VERSE 2: I taught my bulldog how to bite, the parrot how to swear.
I sawed the springs and legs and arms from our best rocking chair.
I sprinkled soap upon the floor and polished it with fat.
If she falls down and breaks her neck, can I be blamed for that?

CHORUS 2: I'm gettin' ready for my mother-in-law, gettin' ready for the fun.
When she's on the floor inside the door, I can hear her roller-skating son.
If she sits flat on our tomcat, I can hear the church bells chime.
Ha-ha-ha-ha! Mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, you'll have a high old time.

VERSE 3: I'll hire her an automobile. Of this I've told my wife.
She said, "Ain't you afraid something might happen to mother's life?"
Am I afraid that things might happen? Such questions make me sick.
I know that something's bound to happen, and happen mighty quick.

CHORUS 3: I'm gettin' ready for my mother-in-law, gettin' ready for the crash.
Just for her sake, into the lake I'll run it just to see the splash.
And you'll stay in, unless you swim, much longer than you wish.
Well, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, you'll think you are a fish.

VERSE 4: She'll want to visit Brooklyn Bridge but she'll get such a shock.
I'll fix it so we'll reach the bridge some night near six o'clock.
The jamboree begins down there each night right after five,
And she can thank her lucky stars if she comes out alive.

CHORUS 4: I'm gettin' ready for my mother-in-law, gettin' ready for the fun.
I then will take her for a sail and, mama dear, how she will wail!
I know it's mean, but she can scream till the bells begin to chime.
Oh, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, you'll have a wet old time.

VERSE 5: I'll take her to a circus and get seats right near the stage.
I want to be real sure that she is near the lion's cage.
I've heard of lions breakin' loose. Don't think that I'm a dunce,
But things like that are almost sure to happen more than once.

CHORUS 5: I'm gettin' ready for my mother-in-law, gettin' ready for the show.
When the lion breaks out, I can hear her shout, "Oh, take me out of this place, Joe!"
I'll hold her there till she gets her share, for she sure has given me mine.
Oh-ho-ho-ho! Mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, you'll have a beastly time.

VERSE 6: I fixed a little room for her without one windowpane,
Turned on the steam and fixed it so it won't turn off again.
No pictures hanging on the wall, it looks just like a cell,
And when she starts to get in bed, she'll think she is in—a Turkish bath.

CHORUS 6: I'm gettin' ready for my mother-in-law, gettin' ready for the fun.
When she starts to boil, her face will spoil. Her makeup then will start to run,
And Mama soon will be at rest while the church bells sadly chime.
Gee whiz! Mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, you'll have a hot old time.

Subject: Lyr Add: I'M GETTING READY FOR MY MOTHER-IN-LAW
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 19 May 10 - 10:06 PM

Graham Gibbs: Yes, your version certainly is of some interest! Thanks for adding it.

The Internet Archive has another recording with different lyrics; this one sung by Bob Roberts, from 1907:


I'M GETTING READY FOR MY MOTHER-IN-LAW
"Written by Jack Norwith"

VERSE 1: My dear wife met me at the door, a letter in her hand.
Said, "Mother soon will visit us. Now isn't that just grand?
She said she'll stay about six months or longer if she can."
If she don't come, I know I'll be a disappointed man.

CHORUS 1: I'm gettin' ready for my mother-in-law, gettin' ready for the fun.
When she puts her face inside the place, she'd better take it on the run.
If she should stay for just one day, I can hear the church bells chime.
Oh, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, you'll have a dandy time.

VERSE 2: I taught my bulldog how to bite, the parrot how to swear.
I sawed the springs and legs and arms from our best rocking chair.
I sprinkled soap upon the floor and polished it with fat.
If she falls down and breaks her neck, can I be blamed for that?

CHORUS 2: I'm gettin' ready for my mother-in-law, gettin' ready for the fun.
When she's on the floor inside the door, I can hear her roller-skating son.
If he sits flat on our front step(?), I can hear the church bells chime.
Oh, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, you'll have a dandy time.

VERSE 3: I fixed a little room for her without one windowpane,
Turned on the steam and fixed it so it won't turn off again.
No pictures hanging on the wall, it looks just like a cell,
And when she starts to get in bed, she'll think she is in—a Turkish bath.

CHORUS 3: I'm gettin' ready for my mother-in-law, gettin' ready for the fun.
When she starts to boil, her face will spoil. Her makeup then will start to run,
And Mama soon will be at rest while the church bells sadly chime.
Oh, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, you'll have a hot old time.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: I'm Getting Ready for My Mother-In-Law
From: GUEST,Graham Gibbs
Date: 17 May 10 - 04:57 PM

This song has always been sung in my father's family and family lore held that it was (part) written by my paternal grandmother's father Willian Stout, a hansome cab driver.
I gor Dad's eldest brother (born 1899)to write out the lyrics as he knew them and I offer them below:
Verse 1:
My wife's mother sent a letter today
Saying she was coming for a week to stay.
When I heard the news, 'cor strike me flat
This is what I did to my best hat.
Then a thought came suddenly to me
Talk about a spree, I was in my glee
My wife said, What's the matter now
Want to have a row or a fight I vow
I just said it's alright my dear
Just because it's like this here.
Chorus:
I'm getting ready for my mother-in-law
I'm a getting ready for the fray
And when she puts her face inside the door
I'll make th eold girl feel all gay
There's a little back room on the third top floor
Where the beetles up the wall they climb
Oh! mother, mother, mother, mother
You'll have a lively time.
Verse 2:
Round to the grocers I went in a tick
Bought a loaf of bread as hard as a brick
Went to a shop where fish was sold
And bought a pair of kippers nigh a fortnight old
Fourpence I gave for some mouldy cheese
@Nuf to make you sneeze
Then I bought somem margarine
Talk about a scene, it was turning green
When the shopman looked at me
I said It's alright coocky
Chorus:
Verse 3
I've been cutting the legs off the chairs
So she'll break her necl when she sits down there
On a little bed I've put some pins
So's to make the old girl scratch her shins
Four and twenty tom cats and a she
Are waiting patiently for to have a spree
Off the roof I've taken all the tiles
Talk about St Giles or the Seven Dials
If she want some nice fresh air
She'll have it when she's here.

I hope this contribution is of some interest

Graham

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: I'm getting ready for me mother in law
From: Mick Pearce (MCP)
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 02:42 PM

Jim

That was my first transcription and looking at yours - now I've got a bit of time - I can get some corrections from yours:

v1: I was full of glee (not I would full agree)
v2: for some mouldy cheese (not for the morning teas)

are definitely what should be there.


What he got in the bakers is still unclear, though I now think it might be got a quart o' nice crackers.


Mick

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: I'm getting ready for me mother in law
From: Mick Pearce (MCP)
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 02:13 PM

Here's my transcription Jim. Apart from the end of the 4th line v1 I didn't find it difficult. I've omitted the little spoken bit after the final chorus, because that is unclear.

I didn't post it earlier, because it seems to me that Compton could have made an attempt at it from the audio before getting us to do it for him, even if he needed help to finish it.

Mick

---

I'M GETTING READY FOR MY MOTHER-IN-LAW

My wife's mother sent a letter today saying she was coming for a week to stay.
When I heard the news, well strike me pet, this is what I done to my best hat
Then a thought came suddenly to me, talk about a spree, I would full agree
My wife shouted what's the matter now, want to have a row, or a fight I vow
I said, "No, you're wrong my dear, it's because it's like this 'ere:"


  Chorus:
  I'm gettting ready for me mother-in-law, getting ready for the fray.
  When she puts her face inside the place I'll make the old girl feel all gay
  There's a little back room on the first top floor where the beetles up the wall they climb
  Oh, muvver, muvver, muvver, muvver, muvver, muvver, you'll have a lively time

Round to the bakers I went off in a tick got a quart o' nice but as hard as brick
Went into a shop where fish they sold, bought a pair of kippers nigh a fortnight old
Fourpence I gave for the morning teas, nuff to make you sneeze, yet alone the breeze
Then I bought a pound of margarine, talk about a scene, it was turning green,
When the shopman looked at me I said "That's all right cock-ee"

  Chorus

Knowing she is fond of a little drop of gin I've got a gallon of turpentine in
I'll make her take it in about three ticks whether she screams or whether she kicks
She'll have ginger in a cup of tea, take a tip from me, happy I shall be
Meat I've got to make an Irish stew, in a day or two it will pinky-poo
If she thinks it's just the thing, Oh God save our gracious King.

  Chorus

  Chorus


Source: Harry Champion, 1906

Subject: Lyr Add: I'M GETTING READY FOR MY MOTHER-IN-LAW
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 01:51 PM

I'm not finding this version "quite clear." There are several holes and uncertainties in my transcription. I would appreciate help in completing it:


I'M GETTING READY FOR MY MOTHER-IN-LAW.
As sung by Harry Champion on an Edison cylinder, 1914.

1. My wife's mother sent a letter today
Saying she was coming for a week to stay.
When I heard the news went ... (?),
This is what I done to my best ... (?).
Then a thought came suddenly to me.
Talk about a spree!
I was full of glee.
My wife shouted, "What's the matter now?
Want to have a row
Or to fight a vow(?)"
I said, "No, you're wrong, my dear.
It's because it's like this here:"

CHORUS: I'm getting ready for my mother-in-law, getting ready for the fray.
When she puts her face inside the place, I'll make the old girl feel all gay.
There's a little back room on the third top floor, where the beetles up the wall they climb.
Oh! Mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, you'll have a lively time.

2. Round to the baker's I went off in a tick,
Got a ... (?) hard as a brick,
Went into a shop where fish they sold,
Bought a pair of kippers nigh a fortnight old.
Fourpence I gave for some mouldy cheese,
'Nough to make you sneeze,
... (?) on the breeze.
Then I bought a pound of margarine.
Talk about a scene!
It was turning green.
When the shopman looked at me,
I said, "That's all right ... (?)."

3. Knowing she is fond of a little drop of gin,
I got a gallon of turpentine in.
I'll make her take it in a ... (?)
Whether she screams or whether she kicks,
She'll have ginger in her cup of tea.
Take a tip from me.
Ev'ry eye shall be(?).
Me(?) I've got to make an Irish stew.
In a day or two,
It will stink of poo(?).
If she thinks it's just the thing,
Oh, God save our gracious king!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: I'm getting ready for me mother in law
From: Mick Pearce (MCP)
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 01:37 PM

Compton

Is there any reason you can't get the words from the audio recording I linked? I've just gone through it and apart from about two places, where I'd need to listen a bit more, I was able to get the words easily.

Mick

Subject: Lyr Add: I'M GETTING READY FOR MY MOTHER-IN-LAW
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 01:03 PM

Here's the song from Levy:


I'M GETTING READY FOR MY MOTHER-IN-LAW.
Jack Norworth
New York: The York Music Co., 1906.

1. My wife met me at the door, letter in her hand,
Said: "Mother soon will visit us. Now, isn't that just grand?
She says she'll stay about six months or longer if she can."
If she don't come, I know I'll be a disappointed man.

CHORUS: I'm getting ready for my mother-in-law, getting ready for the fun.
When she puts her face inside the place, she'd better take it on the run.
If she should stay for just one day, I can hear the church bells chime.
Oh! Mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, you'll have a dandy time.

2. I taught my bulldog how to bite, parrot how to swear.
I sawed the springs and legs and things from our best rocking chair.
I sprinkled soap on the kitchen floor and polished it with fat.
If she falls down and breaks her neck, can I be blamed for that?

3. I fixed a little room for her without one window pane,
Turned on the steam, and fixed it so it won't turn off again.
No pictures on the wall at all, it looks just like a cell.*
When she gets in bed, she'll think that she is in a Turkish bath.*

4. Somebody wrote a song one time which made me awful mad.
The song said everybody worked excepting poor old Dad.
If he could see me nowadays, I know he'd change his tune.
I'm working like a truck horse now, from morning, night till noon.

5. I'll take her to the Hippodrome; get seats right near the stage.
I want to be real sure that she is near the lion's cage.
I've heard of lions breaking loose—don't think that I'm a dunce—
But things like that are almost sure to happen more than once.

6. I'll hire an automobile. This fact I told my wife.
She said, "Ain't you afraid something might happen [to] mother's life?"
Am I afraid things might happen? Such questions make me sick.
I know that something must happen, and happen mighty quick.

7. She'll want to visit Brooklyn Bridge, but she'll get such a shock.
I'll fix it so we reach the bridge some night near six o'clock.
They have a jubilee down there each night from six to five,
And she can thank her lucky stars if she comes out alive.


[*It bothers me that these 2 lines don't rhyme, but that's the way I found it.—JD]

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: I'm getting ready for me mother in law
From: Compton
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 05:33 AM

Refresh
Come on Chums, don't let me down...or is this one too obscure? (Am I the only one about to sing it?)

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: I'm getting ready for me mother in law
From: Mick Pearce (MCP)
Date: 22 Aug 09 - 02:20 PM

There'a a copy of the Harry Champion recording at Archive.org - I'm Getting Ready for My Mother-In-Law - you can download an mp3 and it's quite clear.

(At a quick listen it looks like a rewrite of the Norworth song - or vice versa - which is available at Levy).

Mick

Subject: Lyr Req: I'm getting ready for me mother in law
From: Compton
Date: 22 Aug 09 - 11:58 AM

Hi all,
Just a query...is anyone out ther? (ther'e normally at least on!) that might have the words to the Harry Champion version of "I'm getting ready for me mother in law". It's a great song...and I thing there;'s an American version written by Jack Norworth...but it's Harry's I'm after.
Can anyone help?

Cheers in advance.